AN. This is probably the craziest, dumbest, weirdest, and most hilarious thing I've ever written. It is complete nonsense, but it's really funny nonsense. I'm not entirely sure what was going through my head when I wrote this, but I promise that this is a one time thing. My stories generally have at least some semblance of plot. Not this one, though. I was going to publish a different one, and I noticed this, and figured I should post it. Hopefully you laugh. You might cry at how bad it is. Both are acceptable reactions. Also, I know this story sucks and makes zero sense, but it's kinda the point, so please don't remind me. Enjoy!
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far way, a young crime lord couple settled down and had a child. When she was born, they invited their favorite bounty hunters to celebrate. They came from a far, bearing gifts for the child. One gave the girl a pile of grenades, while another gave her armor. A third gave her a rancor, and the fourth gave her a DL-44 blaster pistol. In such manner, 11 hunters bestowed their gifts. As the twelfth stepped up, a thirteenth bounty hunter ran in. Angry that he was out of favor with the crime lords, he vowed revenge. He poisoned their child, but the twelfth bounty hunter was going to give the child an array antidotes, and thus the child was safe. The crisis was averted, but only for now.
The crime lords banished the 13th bounty hunter, far away. As their daughter grew up, there was peace in the land- as far as crime lord kingdom's peace goes. The day she turned sixteen, however, was not a joyous occasion. Their daughter fell gravely ill. Bringing the 13th bounty hunter back, he admitted it was a slow acting poison- avery, very,very slow acting poison- that had been lying in wait for years. Distraught and enraged, they threw him in prison, but he escaped.
Her parents begged the bounty hunters to save her, but none could. The twelfth offered little help. She froze the girl in carbonite, keeping her alive until the antidote could be found. The criminals searched high and low for the antidote, but it was nowhere to be found. The 13th hunter revealed that only he had the antidote, and that he held it in his BAT Cave- his Bad, Angsty, Teenage Cave. Only the bravest could make it through his traps.
As the years passed, the crime lords despaired of ever being reunited with their child. One day, however, a young Mandalorian bounty hunter approached. He wished to save the girl and become the mist famous bounty hunter. He journeyed to the BAT Cave to win the antidote. Drawing forth an electrostaff, he braveley defeated the traps. He found the antidote in a rancor's skull.
(It had died of starvation.)
He returned triumphant to the crime lords. They unfroze their daughter, and poured the antidote into her mouth. Her eyes fluttered open, and she tossed back her hair and asked,
"What took you so long?" Then she and the Mandalorian bounty hunter bonked helmets and fell in love.
The End.
AN. Oh my gosh, that might actually have been worse than I remembered it being. I don't know what that was, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't Sleeping Beauty. So, uh, yeah. That was it. It was about as dumb and stupid and crazy and weird of a story I could make. Actually, that probably isn't true. I could probably make a crazier, weirder, dumber, and more stupid story if I tried. Best part: At first, I was actually trying to write a real story. Pretty quickly, I realized this was not a story. It was... I honestly have no idea.
A few quick notes:
A DL-44 Blaster Pistol is the type that Han Solo uses. Funny story: I once needed a 9-volt battery. I went up to my mom and said,
"Mom, can you get a DL-44 battery, please?" Yeah. She was very confused.
I have no clue if carbonite could keep someone from dying. I have no idea. Sorry!
Also, BAT Cave came out, and I knew I had to keep it. My older sister cracked up when I read it to her. Fair reaction, honestly.
Anyway, hopefully that made you laugh and not be angry because of how terrible it is.
