Chapter 12
Christian
His lab appointment wasn't until four, but he and Taylor had arrived a half hour early. He understood the cheek swab only took five minutes, so with any luck he might be able to get in and out of the lab early.
As they entered the facility's lobby, he spied a familiar figure.
Ana.
She was navigating a stroller as she exited a room labeled 'Family Bathroom.' He indulged his instincts and approached her.
"Sir, there's a No Contact Order in effect. Please don't." Taylor stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop in his tracks.
"I only want a word." He walked around his CPO and strode purposefully toward the object of his desire.
"Ana," he called.
Sawyer placed himself between them. He wondered why one of his CPOs was now assigned to Ana.
"I realize that I'm not allowed to speak to you, but please, I think we need to talk."
Ana stepped forward away from her protector. Eyeing Christian skeptically, she turned to Sawyer. "Would you please watch Kit for a moment? I'll be okay. He won't hurt me."
"It's not a good idea to engage with Mr. Grey. He'll be in violation of the court order," Sawyer said.
"Please don't worry," Ana said. "I won't be long. We'll use this restroom and I'll leave the door unlocked. Just keep an eye on Kit, please."
Bent over the stroller, she reached down and stroked the baby's cheek. "Mommy will be back in just a minute," she said sweetly.
She loves that kid with all her heart, he thought.
A pang of envy ran through him. If only he'd had a mother as devoted as Ana.
Ana stood and beckoned Christian to follow her.
Once inside the restroom, she folded her arms across her chest and looked at him expectantly.
"So this is what a family bathroom looks like. It's a novelty to me," he said, awkwardly trying to make conversation. "Looks like a regular bathroom."
"Family bathrooms always have changing tables. After Kit's appointment, he decided he was hungry. Then I had to change his diaper. But I assume that none of this is what you want to discuss."
"Your assumption is correct," he said. "I'll get to the point. I understand you had lunch with my parents today. You knew you were in violation of the NDA, but you did it anyway."
"Sue me," she said with a chuckle.
He found her insolence both irritating and alluring.
"Oh, believe me. I've considered it," he bluffed. According to his attorney father, the NDA was worthless, but he was irritated by her actions and at the moment he had no intention of informing Ana.
"Mia and your parents are coming to Montesano on Saturday, so I'll be in violation again," she taunted.
He gritted his teeth, trying to maintain his composure.
"It's wrong for you to insist they make such a long drive, when you can visit them in their home. My parents would never jeopardize their grandchild's safety." Christian couldn't withhold the angry edge to his tone. "It really pisses me off that you'd insinuate such a thing."
He didn't really care where the visits took place. At his core, he was angry that Ana and his family made plans without his say-so. He hated feeling out of control, out of the loop.
"Kit and I live in Montesano. I'm not about to live my life for the convenience of others. For the time being, if they want to see him, they'll have to come to us. I'm keeping my child safe. They allowed Mrs. Robinson access to you and I know damn good and well that she's still in the thick of their lives." Ana narrowed her eyes and scowled at him.
Oh, how I'd like to spank her ass. She wouldn't sit down for a week.
"What would you know about Mrs. Robinson?" He challenged. "I never told you her name."
"True, you never revealed her name, but it's been astonishingly easy to uncover her identity. I'm well aware of how loyal you are to your abuser. You confide everything in her. You told her all about me, violating my privacy, putting my security at risk. You made me sign an NDA, but I feel sure you never did the same with her."
Everything Ana said was true, but she would never be able to understand how important Elena had been to his personal development. If he had it to do over, he never would have discussed Ana with Elena. In any case, he really didn't want to talk about Elena and found any discussion of her to be tiresome and pointless.
"She was my best friend for many years," he explained. "I was loyal to her in the same way that you're loyal to Kate. Surely you understand that."
"Big difference," Ana said. "Kate isn't a pedophile and she's never raped me."
"Stop," he fumed. "I've never been raped and Mrs. Robinson is not a pedophile." He couldn't get over Ana's crazy fixation on his relationship with his former Domme.
"Whatever you say," she said with a nonchalant shrug. "But I know exactly who Mrs. Robinson really is and I have no intention of letting her anywhere near my son."
"Our son," he countered. "I think you're bluffing. You don't know shit about her identity, but if push comes to shove, I'll join my parents and sure for custody."
She laughed out loud.
"No, you won't. Your empty threat is the silliest thing I've ever heard." Her eyes were a flinty blue, as steely as her name. "You've committed a felony and your parents handed you over to a pedophile. No way you'll want all of that rehashed in a courtroom. I don't want to out you and your past, but if it means keeping Kit out of the clutches of a pedophile, I will plant my flag on that hill and die on it."
"I never knew you could be so unreasonable." He balled his fists and stuffed them into his pants pockets.
"You never knew me at all. That's the problem. We don't know each other. If we're to be co-parents, we need to develop trust. Ideally, we need to forge some kind of friendship."
She was correct in her assessment. She was the most captivating woman he'd ever met, but he didn't know her. The fact that she didn't know him had actually worked in his favor. If she'd really known him, she would never have agreed to share his bed. If she really knew everything about him, knew the beast he really was, she wouldn't even be in the room with him at the moment.
"Mrs. Robinson and I aren't speaking at the moment, so she isn't a factor. You need to drop the matter."
"Really?" She raised a skeptical brow. "Well, I know for a fact that she and your parents still speak, hence the reason I've insisted on supervised visits."
He was getting nowhere.
"On the topic of Mrs. Robinson, we'll have to agree to disagree," he said.
"You talk about it as if we're disagreeing on something simple like color preferences. The topic of Mrs. Robinson is one of morality and decency. We can drop it for now, but until she is completely out of the picture, I'll keep bringing her up."
Having reached an impasse, they glared at each other. He hated the way things always turned fractious between them.
"Please promise you'll not speak a word about Mrs. Robinson to anyone. I don't see her anymore, but I'll do my best to convince her to stay away from my parents."
"I hope you're telling me the truth and that you really are staying the hell away from her, but I don't think you should try to negotiate with her. The only way to get rid of someone like her is to out her, reveal her as the pedophile that she is. I agree that you should be the one to tell your parents, but I'm not going to sit around forever waiting for you to take care of it. Let's set a deadline."
Infuriating woman! Who the hell does she think she is?
"Dammit, Ana. I do not accept ultimatums."
"I'm not issuing an ultimatum. I'm trying to strike an agreement. You tell your parents by a date certain, or I will inform them on your behalf. I don't want to tell them, but I think they should know why I'm being so firm about supervised visitation. How about two weeks from today?"
"That's impossible. I won't be boxed into a corner."
"I need a time frame or I'll sing like a canary." Hands on hips, she was a bossy little thing.
"Ninety days," he said. "Give me ninety days from today." He said it impulsively, probably because the ninety day leave of absence was weighing heavily on his mind.
"Hmmm… ninety days is an awfully long time." She leaned against the stall and nibbled her lip as she considered his offer. It was all he could do not to press her against the metal panel and kiss her.
"Deal," she finally said. She extended her hand and they shook on the agreement.
He didn't know how he would fulfill her assignment. The thought of telling his parents was terrifying.
As if reading his mind, she said, "It'll be okay. You'll feel better after you tell them. If you'd like, I'll go with you as moral support."
"Thank you, I appreciate it." He was touched by her kindness.
"That's what friends are for," she said.
He hated being friend-zoned, but any contact was better than none. He supposed that anything Ana offered was much more than he deserved.
"I understand there's a meeting tomorrow to discuss custody and child support," he said. "I want to be there, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to attend. You know… the No Contact Order."
"I hadn't considered that you wouldn't be there," she said.
"I've asked to attend, but if I'm not allowed, Dad is authorized to negotiate on my behalf. Do you have an attorney?" He wondered if she had money for legal services.
"Kate has someone lined up for me," she said. "A family friend. He's accepting my case pro bono."
"That's good," he said with a nod. "May I ask why Sawyer is here?"
"It's only until I go home," she said, knotting her fingers. "Your dad and Taylor thought it would be a good idea. Apparently there are crazy folks out in the world who might harm us. Tomorrow evening I go back to Montesano, Sawyer goes back to work for you, and we get two new CPOs, handpicked by Taylor. I appreciate the protection. I really do. But life as I knew it is now gone."
"You're unhappy about all this. I get it." He knew he was to blame for the changes in her life. He wondered how much she resented him for it.
"It's quite the adjustment," she said, dismay evident in her words. "Since you took Kit, I feel as if I've entered some kind of alternate universe. I already had a lot on my shoulders and now all this." She threw her arms up in frustration.
"I fucked up. I'm sorry," he said, knowing his words weren't enough.
"I'm sorry, too," she said. "Well, if that's all you wanted to know, I'll go now."
She turned for the door, but he touched her arm so she'd stop.
"Before you take off, is it okay if I see Kit?" The baby's name was so new to him and felt strange to say aloud.
"Of course," she said.
He followed her to the stroller.
"Would you like to hold him?" She offered. "Go ahead and pick him up. He's sound asleep and you won't disturb him."
He carefully picked up the child and pulled him into the crook of his arm. Remembering how little care he'd taken when he'd kidnapped the child from his crib, he felt shame.
Having the child in his arms still felt surreal. He and Ana had made a tiny human, one who happened to be a mirror image of him. If he was meant to have a child, he was grateful it was with her. Though he believed Ana's assessment of his relationship with Elena was inaccurate, he did appreciate and respect her maternal determination to protect their child. Ana was obviously devoted to Kit.
"What time is your appointment?" She asked.
"Four," he said.
"You have a few minutes. Let's go sit on that bench," she said, gesturing the way.
Ana sat close to him and they both watched their baby sleep in his arms. For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine them as a family, then remembered all the sad truths that made that scenario an impossibility.
He felt lost.
When Ana had left him, he'd been utterly adrift. He'd been devastated when she'd ignored the roses, the offer to take her to Portland, the texts, the emails, the calls.
Flynn had tried to put fanciful ideas in his head, suggesting he continue to make bids for Ana's attention. "You're not the monster you think you are. Maybe you should take a break from contracts and pursue a different kind of relationship with her."
Elena had been the one to center him. She'd reminded him that Ana wasn't enough for a man like him. He had very specific needs. Ana would never be able to fulfill his requirements. "Let her go. Out of sight, out of mind." It hadn't quite worked, because Ana was always on his mind, but he did his best to let go of his dream of being with her.
Elena had never liked the idea of him seeing Flynn, or any therapist. She pooh-poohed psychotherapy in all its forms. When he would share Flynn's ideas regarding his brief relationship with Ana, Elena always had a counterpoint.
"Why do you keep seeing him?" Elena would ask. "It's not like he's doing you any good. You get more relief and comfort from kink than any bullshit psychobabble some psychiatrist can offer."
With Elena's prodding, he'd cut back on the sessions, going from weekly to biweekly, then down to almost none at all. Without knowing it, she'd accomplished her goal. Flynn had understood more than Christian had given him credit for. He hoped Elena would never get the satisfaction of learning that she'd won the battle against Flynn.
Now faced with the challenge of a lifetime, he wished that he still had Flynn. A seasoned father himself, Flynn would surely have the skills to help him navigate parenthood.
So much regret. So much time wasted. His life felt beyond repair.
Gazing down at a sleeping Kit, Christian realized he was beginning to experience protective and caring instincts toward the child, but he thought he should feel something more. Filled with turmoil and confusion, there was so much he didn't understand.
He turned to Ana, his eyes meeting hers, so luminous and blue.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
"A bunch of reasons," she said. "The NDA was only a small consideration. It was primarily fear of rejection, fear you'd try to exert control. When I discovered I was pregnant, I was confused enough. I didn't want you in my head, pressuring me to abort or give him up. And knowing how close you are to Mrs. Robinson, I didn't want her influence. It also occurred to me that you'd try to take custody, not because you wanted Kit, but just out of spite. Now that I've successfully delivered Kit and you've been charged with a felony, I don't have to worry about most of that. No court would ever give you sole custody. I do still worry about Mrs. Robinson."
"She's not the problem you think she is," he said, pulling his son closer to his chest. "I don't know how I would have reacted if you'd shared your news. I tend to react badly to unwanted surprises, but I don't think I would have rejected you. I guess we'll never know. I just wish I'd heard the news from you, instead of my security chief."
"I understand. It was wrong of me. I'm so very sorry. I know it must have been a shock. I hope that one day you'll forgive me," she said.
"And I'm sorry for taking Kit. I deserve prison time."
"I'm still furious every time I think about what you did, but I don't want you to end up incarcerated. Kit needs two parents who are always available to him. For his sake, please promise that you'll try to be a loving father."
"I promise," he said. In his typical fashion, he'd probably fuck things up in a grand way, but he could certainly try. Looking down at his son, he said, "I promise to do my best."
She turned her face toward his, her chin up. They were sitting so close he could feel her warm breath against his neck. It took all he had not to kiss her.
"Thank you," she said. "All I ask is that you give him your very best."
"I'll need help. Will you show me what to do?" He hoped he didn't come across as helpless as he felt.
"Of course, I will." She stood and looked toward Taylor and Sawyer, who were standing discreetly near the entrance. "It's almost four. I'll take him back now so you can make your appointment on time. If I don't see you tomorrow, please know that whatever I ask for in the meeting is for Kit's benefit. I would never try to take advantage of you."
He gingerly passed the baby back to her.
"You say we don't know each other, but I do know that you're only looking out for our son." He stood, unhappy in the knowledge that Ana was departing. "And I'll try my best to only consider his needs as well. It was really good seeing you."
"It was good seeing you, too," she said. "I hate it when we argue. For Kit's sake, I hope we can get along."
"Same here."
Ana gave him a little wave and he watched her leave, wondering when he'd get to see her again. It wouldn't be soon enough.
Hello, Gentle Reader!
Thank you for sticking with the story. I appreciate your encouragement and your kind reviews. The next chapter will contain the legal meeting where child support, custody, etc. will be hashed out. Do you think there will be any surprises? As always, I look forward to reading your thoughts.
All the best, Paula
