A/N: Ahahahahahahahaha
"No."
Katara crosses her arms.
"I don't think you understand", Azula slowly begins. "These are the group behind the people who broke in here. Their assassins nearly killed me, and you can rest assured, they would have killed you as well if you hadn't beaten them first. I have been, my people have been tracking down the criminals behind it for months, and now that we've found them—"
"Oh, I heard you. The answer is still no."
Azula is speechless and Katara does her best to project resolve as she stares her down. When Azula had returned from her day early to announce that Katara would accompany her on a raid, she had almost dropped her inkwell in surprise, and when she refused, she had foreseen problems. But she's intent on staying firm.
After the initial shock, she can see anger forming in Azula's face.
"I wasn't giving you a choice."
That won't work on Katara, not this time. When Azula took her hunting, Katara convinced herself it wasn't worth debating over, but this crosses a line. She won't do every chore, every task Azula gives her. There's boundaries to be drawn.
"No, Azula, I wasn't giving you a choice. This is your problem. The Fire Nation's internal squabbles aren't my problem. Sort it out yourself."
Fire flickers up in Azula's hands, and as much as Katara wants to instinctively take a step back, she stands her ground. Azula quickly thinks better of it and resorts to pressure.
"These people tried to kill me", she repeats. "If they succeed, what do you think will happen to you? Do you think anyone who usurps my throne would treat you as well as I have? The day I die, they will bury you alive in the lava fountains underneath the palace city. It's in your own best interest to cooperate."
Katara shrugs.
"You're a capable fighter and you have your guards, what do you need me for?"
It's a valid question, one she's genuinely curious about, and one that Azula hates to answer. She turns away to compose herself.
Deep breaths, Azula.
"I need someone I can trust."
"Say that again."
The surprise and curiosity isn't even remotely hidden in Katara's voice. Of all the possible answers – Azula wanting to condition her to work for her, Azula not wanting to get her hands dirty, the 'you're a healer' excuse from last time, Azula just enjoying the sight of Katara killing people –, this is not one she expected.
"The palace staff… their loyalty is not what it used to be." Every word is a painful admission for Azula. "After the break-in, I've gone over every inch with the guards. There was no sign of forced entry; someone must have allowed them access. And the woman, the chi-blocker – she was part of the staff. She knew these rooms, knew the palace."
She sighs.
"There are forces at work to undermine me. I don't know who they are, not exactly, but the worse the war gets… I can't afford to turn my back on anyone. Nobody can be trusted, nobody! The generals, the nobles, they all want me gone… if they smell out my weaknesses, if they conspire… all of them are the enemy, every last one. They would slit my throat if I gave them the opportunity! I can see it in their faces every time I speak to them, with each of their sick little proposals, their pathetic schemes… every day, I'm one bad decision, one misplaced trust away from death."
She turns back to face Katara.
It's a bigger admission than she planned. It's not wise to reveal just how shaky her rule is, not even to Katara, especially to Katara. She tries to hide the desperation in her voice, at least, but Katara picks up on it nonetheless.
"You've more than proven that you're", Azula searches for words that aren't insults, "too moral to kill me in cold blood. As absurd as it is, you're probably the most trustworthy person in the palace. At least I trust that if you want to kill me, I'll see it coming."
Katara's resolve waivers. Azula's words, even though they've spilled out before she could stop them, have the intended effect.
"I'm not your bodyguard", she weakly protests.
"I know. But you've saved my life before. Today, I ask you to protect it again. For your own sake, if nothing else."
"I will not become your… your attack dog."
"You won't. I promise."
At least I didn't say 'please'.
Katara caves.
I never meant to become a collaborator, she thinks while she puts on the armour Azula's servants bring for her. Where did I go wrong? How did I end up here? What Azula says makes sense, it is purely in Katara's interest to make sure Azula isn't replaced by someone whose interest in Katara will be selfish at worst and lethal at best, and more than she is prepared to admit to herself, she doesn't want to see Azula die either. Her heart aches at the thought of it, aches like it did when she cleaned up Azula's wounds, held her when she cried. But nevertheless, here she is, dressed like a Fire Nation soldier, preparing to enforce Azula's will, follow Azula's orders.
When she catches sight of herself in the mirror, she doesn't recognise herself at all, especially not underneath the anonymous face plate of the armour.
"Stay by my side", Azula instructs her before they leave. "Don't let anyone know who you are if you can avoid it. Follow the orders and stick with me."
With a dozen royal guards – firebenders of the highest skill, Azula explains, hand-selected from the armed forces and sworn to loyalty to the Fire Lord and only the Fire Lord –, they leave the palace at sunset, in three carriages, black and without any insignia. They drive through the palace city, out of the posh districts, and into the industrial outskirts of the capital, the warehouses and factories that supply the palace and the richest families with food and delicacies from the colonies. The carriages stop in front of one such warehouse and Katara climbs out right after Azula.
The captain wordlessly gestures for half the soldiers to encircle the building. Once everyone is in position, a fire blast shatters the door and the troops begin to pour into the building. The warehouse's ground floor is empty, but Azula leads them to a trapdoor in the back.
Months of investigation are paying off.
This is what I've been working for.
A few soldiers slide down the ladder before Azula and Katara follow suit. The captain puts a finger over her lips and they sneak through the basement until they arrive outside a larger room. The captain counts down from three and they storm into the room. A dozen people jump up.
"Your pathetic little conspiracy is over", Azula opens. "You are all under arrest. Cooperate and you may yet live. Resist, and your deaths will be slow and painful."
The apparent leader laughs.
"Princess Azula. I'm afraid it is you whose usurpation is over. In the name of the true Fire Lord, Fire Lord Ozai, you are all sentenced to death."
What?
"Kill them."
Katara's stomach drops a fraction of a second before half their guards suddenly turn on them and she tackles Azula out of the way just in time for a huge flame to go over their heads.
After that, she stops thinking and starts fighting.
Two of the treacherous guards go down right away, but after that, she loses count of who's with whom and focuses on the insurrectionists. The presence of a waterbender seems to surprise them – whoever among the guards snitched, they clearly didn't know about Katara coming along – and she shackles two of them to the wall with ice, bursting open barrels of liquor and wine on the walls to draw fluid, then drying out fruits and vegetables from the shelves for more ammunition. One of them rushes Azula and Katara fires a volley of icicles his way.
"The reign of the false Fire Lord is over!", the leader screeches while fighting off two guards at once. "Fire Lord Ozai lives and we are sworn to His rule!" One of the guards falls to the side, a dagger sticking out from between his armour plates. "We will prove ourselves worthy by paving the way for His return! Down with the usurper!"
The captain of the guard cuts the speech short by sending him flying into a stack of crates, and Katara thanks her by icing the floor under two enemies rushing her with fire daggers drawn, then follows up by summoning fruit juices from a keg and freezing them to the wall neck to toe. Another one, one of the flipped guards, comes at her from behind, fists raised for a fire blast, and this time it's Azula who swoops in and turns the man into a screaming heap of burn wounds. Katara follows her and a moment later, they find themselves back to back, firing off water and fire, icicles and flames, as two more of the loyal guards fall and the insurrectionists advance on them. Three more are nailed to the walls, in various stages of injury, by Katara's ice, and the rest fall to Azula's flames.
The arms are silent and only the cries and groans of the wounded and dying fill the room.
They've won.
"Captain Meiyo", Azula calls over to the captain, the only member of her guards who's still standing. "Send the coachman to the palace. We'll need reinforcements and doctors."
The captain hurries away, clutching her side where blood is seeping out under her armour.
Azula walks over to one of the fallen guards and turns him over with her foot. His helmet has fallen off and she kneels down to brush the hair out of his face.
"Lieutenant Toge", she mumbles. "His mother was the head of my mother's staff. He would have made captain within five years."
She stands up abruptly.
"What in Agni's name was he doing with this… riffraff‽"
She levels a murderous glare at the surviving traitors. The ones who are still conscious stare right back, furious under the ice that covers their mouths.
"When I am done with you", she begins, "you will wish you had never waivered in your loyalty. Before each and every one of you dies, you will divulge everything you know, the names of your co-conspirators, how your people got into the palace, everything. And when you die, you will realise the futility of your plans, and with your last breaths, you will regret ever going against your Fire Lord and beg for my forgiveness."
She turns on her heel.
"Let's go."
On the way out, a fresh platoon of guards runs past them, and when their carriage departs, the first of the dissidents are led out of the warehouse, cuffed, tied, and gagged, and the first bodies carried outside. At the palace, they are met by Captain Meiyo, out of armour and a fresh bandage around her waist. Even injured, she shoos the physician aside and salutes Azula before handing her a list.
"The prisoners and casualties, Your Majesty. Corporals Lee and Hi are in critical condition, the others are expected to survive. We have eight of them in custody, plus two of the traitors. Seven of our own are dead and five of theirs."
Azula glances at the list before handing it back.
"Good work, captain. See that they are secured and begin the interrogations. I will join you tomorrow to supervise your progress."
The captain salutes again and limps away.
Helpful servants lift the armour plates off them and offer to wash and bandage their wounds, but Azula waves them off. With the adrenaline still pumping through their veins, Katara too barely feels the burns and cuts, either. Once the doors of her chambers have closed behind them, Azula lets out a primal, triumphant scream.
"Ugh! Fuck yeah!" She hurls a fire blast at the wall. "Think you can trap me? Think", she punctuates each word with a flame, "again", flame, "assholes!"
She turns to Katara.
"That was amazing. You were amazing. I don't know what I would have done without—argh! That'll teach them!"
Katara raises an eyebrow. She too feels the rush of battle, the relief about being alive, the thrill of victory, but Azula's triumphant outburst isn't what she expected.
"You're in good spirits."
Azula laughs, just a little bit too hysterically for Katara's liking. "Shouldn't I be? Even with those traitors", she spits the word out like a rotten garlic-onion, "trying to trap me, this is… this is huge. Tomorrow, I'm going to beat every last name out of them. I've worked months for this!"
She flops down onto a divan.
"You were incredible. I never expected to take so many of them alive."
It's rare praise, but she means every word of it. When she learned of their hideout, she went in prepared to kill, expected to investigate the rest of the network piece by piece after burning it to the ground. But with Katara's help, she's taken more prisoners than otherwise possible. Fire burns, fire destroys. But water… water can bind. Water can freeze. It's water that's shackled those treacherous leeches to the walls, not fire.
We will smoke them all out. We're going to clean house, once and for all.
"I guess you owe me", Katara remarks. "Again."
High on the rush of victory, Azula laughs again.
"I do. You made all of this possible." She jumps up, comes face to face with Katara. "Sparing you was the best thing I've ever done. You are simply the most powerful—with you by my side, who could stop us?"
The most powerful bender I have ever seen. Myself excluded, of course.
Katara can't resist a small grin. "We do make quite a team."
"Fuck yes."
In hindsight, Azula will say that she doesn't think. That she simply acts in the heat of the moment, that she's not thinking straight, not when she feels like screaming her relief out into the world, when she feels like she could run from one end of her territory to the other.
She pulls Katara into a hug.
It's not a good hug. It's not a sentimental one. It's not planned. She simply throws her arms around Katara and pulls her close to her, holds onto her like to a fallen comrade, squeezes her strong enough to lift her up if she wanted to. Overwhelmed with feelings, heart beating like she's just run a marathon, covered in sweat, in blood, Katara does the same, claws on Azula's back like she's trying to dig into her.
We did this. We made it.
"You are… wow", Azula half whispers, half shouts, half growls. "Fuck. We fucking showed them."
Even her father's voice, telling her that this undignified behaviour is beneath her, isn't loud enough to drown out the triumph, the satisfaction, the relief she wants to scream until her lungs run dry. The battle is all she can think about. Katara's back to her own, ice and fire working in tandem, the incomparable feeling of her fire blasts hurling enemies in the path of Katara's waves, her heart beating faster than a running eel-hound with every man they take down.
Before she can think, her hand finds Katara's cheek, brushes over skin and scars, her eyes find Katara's, bluer than the sky, deeper than the ocean; eyes she could get lost in, eyes she does get lost in. For a moment, everything falls into place, and Katara is all she sees, all she thinks of. Katara, breaking bones, stopping hearts, bending bodies. Katara, demonstrating powers beyond anybody's comprehension. Katara, trading acid remarks, trading blows with Azula, kneeling over her, dagger in hand, and staring into her soul. Katara, whispering mythology to her. Katara, sitting in her study like she owns it, drawing, reading. Katara, dropping bodies left and right, shadowing Azula and keeping her alive.
Their noses almost touch, her lips are halfway to Katara's, when Katara's hand clamps Azula's wrist in an iron grip and Azula snaps out of it.
"What the fuck are you doing‽"
Azula recoils, breaks the embrace, jumps a step back.
"Nothing."
The ice-cold, arrogant tone is right back in her voice.
"Don't give me that bullshit. What. The fuck. Are you doing."
Azula straightens her posture, tries to build herself up to her full height. Project strength, project distance.
"I said nothing. Drop it."
Katara does the same, steps closer, until Azula takes a step back, until her back hits the wall. Weak. Pathetic. Are you afraid?
"You're lying."
"Shut up if you know what's good for you", Azula hisses. "Stop wasting my time."
"Answers. Now."
"Don't", Azula growls, "make me burn another hand into your face."
Humidity from the air condenses into droplets around Katara's fist as her agitation matches Azula's. Anger. Frustration. Uncertainty. Fear. The droplets form into shards at the same time as Azula's fists begin to smoke and spark.
"What the fuck do you want from me", Katara growls right back. "Let's clear the air, right here, right fucking now. Come on, spit it out."
"NOTHING!"
At Azula's scream, Katara actually jumps back.
"Nothing! Nothing! Leave it alone, leave me alone! Whatever you think I want, I don't, so shut it, shut up, FUCK OFF!"
The flames around her fists flicker, randomly discharge and strike the floor and the walls as she screams.
"I don't want it! Don't! I don't, I shouldn't, I won't!"
The first tear forms in her eye. Weak. Pathetic. It only spurs her on.
"It's your fault! Whatever you've done, whatever you—you did this! It's wrong, it's beneath me, I can't—"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Shut up, fuck off, just—ugh! Fuck! I don't know, I'm better than this! I shouldn't want, I can't, I won't—"
"Azula! Calm down!"
"Leave me alone! It's your fault, you've done—you did this! You, you've corrupted me, you—I'm the Fire Lord! I can't—not with you—why you‽ I can't do this, it's sick, I can't, I shouldn't want this! Not you! I don't want to, what would the people think, what would my father—"
"What the fuck does your father have to do with it?", Katara shoots back. "He's not here! He's probably dead! Do you want to live in his shadow for the rest of your life? What is this really about?"
"YOU!" Azula screams until her throat hurts. "You, you, it's always you! You just had to—fucking made me, made me feel this, corrupted me, made me fucking dirty! It's all your fault, it's all—"
"AZULA"!
Run out of breath, Azula drops to the floor and just unceremoniously starts sobbing. The flames go out, the water drops from Katara's hands and splashes onto the floor. She sits down next to Azula, carefully reaches out, and Azula allows her to lay an arm around her. Goes limp, just melts into Katara's arms.
"I don't know", she whispers, hoarse from the screaming. "I don't know. He's all I've ever known, and now he's gone, and I just—I can't—I don't know what to do…"
She buries her face in Katara's shoulder, sobs until her stomach hurts and Katara's robes are soaked.
"What's the alternative? You? Live like you want?" She words are mumbled, barely intelligble. "He's all I have. Was all I have. I have no choice."
You've already changed me too much. You've made me soft. Poisoned me with your morals and your ideals.
Azula pushes herself up off Katara's robes and rubs her red and teary eyes. Doesn't make eye contact, looks away, at the floor, anything but Katara.
"I owe you my life", Azula mumbles. "I don't do gratitude. It's not supposed to happen. You, you've just… become a part of my life, you've weakened me, twisted my head… whatever I do, I feel like you're sitting on my shoulder, whispering into my ear…" She laughs a joyless laugh. "I don't even know what you are anymore. Prisoner? Friend? I shouldn't have let this happen, any of this. Letting anyone this close, it's stupid. Weak. I should have learned from Mai and Ty Lee. But you, you just…" She shrugs helplessly. "You're just there, and I wish it weren't so, but I need you here."
She unceremoniously wipes her nose on her sleeve.
"I should have killed you when I had the chance."
Katara holds up a hand.
"Okay, hold up. Can we go back a little? You… you have… feelings? For me?"
Azula keeps her eyes fixed on the floor and gives the smallest nod.
"I think so", she whispers. "I don't know. Friendship, feelings… how would I know? I've never had either."
"What about Mai and Ty Lee?"
Azula laughs bitterly.
"They don't count. They weren't my friends."
Katara is inclined to agree, but for entirely different reasons.
"You've never…", she helplessly searches for words, "loved?"
Azula shakes her head.
"I kind of assumed… well, that your father would have… I don't know, picked someone. Isn't that how it works for kings? Some son of a noble family or something?"
"What for? At first, Zuko was always the heir, and once he disgraced himself, I was already too involved in my father's work to be wasted on marriage. Whatever he needed to be done, I was the one to enforce his will. He mentored me to succeed him. After that… once I would become Fire Lord, I would choose my own husband."
"Wow", Katara shakes her head. "Not what I expected.
Azula grimaces. "Well, there was a boy on Ember Island. We crashed his party and burned his house down."
The memory is too painful, too full of Ty Lee, Mai, and Zuko, and she quickly pushes it aside. For the longest time, neither of them say a word.
"If we don't talk about this now", Katara eventually begins, "we're never gonna."
Azula is inclined to agree.
"Where does this leave us?" Katara cautiously asks.
"I don't know."
"What do you want?"
"I don't know", Azula repeats, and the tears start flowing again. "You. Not you. Not to want you."
"I'm still a prisoner", Katara points out.
"I know", Azula whispers. The words escape her mouth before she can stop them. "I wish you weren't."
It would be so much easier if Katara were anyone else. A daughter from a noble house. Someone she could be with.
Then again, if she were, we wouldn't be in this situation. We never would have met, probably. Not like this.
For the first time since she's broken down, she looks up and seeks out Katara's eyes.
"Would you be with me? What do you want?"
Even before she answers, the conflict is written all over Katara's face.
"I don't know either."
She sighs, looks away.
"I shouldn't even be telling you this, make myself vulnerable like this to", she gestures helpless, "to my captor." (Azula winces.) "I hate you, part of me. Part of me wishes I could hate you more. But… I enjoy being around you, more than I should. When you're away, I miss you and worry about your safety, even though I should be glad if you were dead. Tui knows I've had enough opportunities, but… I just couldn't let you die or kill you."
Her hand finds Azula's. Rests on top of it, absent-mindedly strokes it, a mirror of that night so long ago.
"There's something", she admits, finally speaks the realisation she's tried to ignore for so long. "I don't know what it is. And…"
Her eyes gaze past Azula, through Azula, into a time and place far away.
"I don't want to be a collaborator", she admits. "It's my duty to resist you, to sabotage you, to do whatever I can as a prisoner to make life as hard as possible for you. Women who give themselves to the enemy… we don't look kindly on them. I feel like a failure for talking to you at all, for feeling anything but hate. What I feel… I shouldn't."
"That's something we have in common, then."
"Yeah."
Silence.
"Would you?"
Azula takes Katara's hand in her own.
"You keep telling me I don't have to be subject to my father's expectations. You keep saying I need to be my own person. If I could do that… could you?"
I shouldn't. I should tell her no right now. Make her pay the price for what she's done, even if loneliness is the only punishment I can inflict on her.
"I have to ask", Katara says instead. She looks at Azula again, what feels to Azula like Katara staring into her soul. "What happens if I say no?"
"You have the power", she continues. "I'm the prisoner. You're the Fire Lord. Can I even refuse? I've seen how you treat your playthings, like Mai and Ty Lee. I won't become another one."
"You have my word."
For whatever that's worth, Katara thinks. And then: But I believe her.
She hesitates.
"I shouldn't want this."
"Neither should I."
Azula is sure she can hear her ancestors scream in disgust, can feel the flames her father would burn her with for this utter betrayal of her peoples' values, as she reaches for Katara's and her intertwined hands and lays her other hand on top. This time, it's Katara whose hand reaches up to Azula's cheek, whose fingers run over that pale, unblemished skin, just like Azula's ran over her scars earlier. It can't be more than an hour, but it feels longer.
Azula closes her eyes, prays to Agni to forgive her just as Katara does to Tui and La, and leans in. Their lips meet…
Kissing Katara, Azula realises, is like nothing she's ever felt before. Katara's lips are chapped, rough. She can feel the scar where it runs through the corner of Katara's mouth. She feels like she's burning up inside, a warm, flowing heat unlike anything else. It's nothing like kissing Chan, either, whose lips were smooth, whose hint of stubble tickled instead of scratched like Katara's scarred lips. One of her hands comes up to Katara's face as well, and at the sensation of burned skin under her fingers, she starts to cry again.
Kissing Azula, Katara realises, is like nothing she's ever felt before. Azula's lips are soft, untouched by saltwater, unmarred by bad habits like chewing on them, unscarred by fire. For all her doubts, once Azula's lips touch her own, she feels a weight coming off her chest. It's nothing like kissing Aang, either; as hesitant as Azula is, just as much as Katara, there is none of that boyish uncertainty. Azula's hands feel cool on her skin, soothing over the burn marks. Even with how little sensation is left under the scar, Katara just wants to lean into the touch. A few tears drip from the only eye that still can.
"Wow", Katara breathes when they pull apart.
Azula nods. Seeks eye contact; wordlessly asks for permission and receives it. Leans in again.
It helps that they're equally inexperienced, Katara thinks. For once, they're on equal footing. She captures Azula's lips from every angle, let's Azula do the same. Leans into her touch, feels like she could melt into it. She feels the tension leave her body, as does Azula. Her stomach hurts from crying and she's already halfway buried in Katara's should, has been the whole time. After the fifth or tenth kiss, Katara slides off the wall and falls over, Azula on top of her, and they both start laughing through the tears. They end up side by side, a bunch of arms and legs and hair, Azula's fingers tracing the outline of the scar down Katara's face, occasionally stopping to press her lips to Katara's.
"I'm sorry", she whispers. "If I could take it back, I would."
Katara hums an acknowledgement. Presses her lips to Azula's for lack of an answer. Tries not to think about it, not to think about that she's kissing the person who's done this to her.
"If the court could see us", Azula mumbles into Katara's lips, "they would kill us."
"You're the Fire Lord. What good is it", being the ruler of this murderous, monstrous nation, "if you can't change the rules?"
This time it's Azula who kisses her to avoid answering.
Later, much later, when the moon is long past its zenith, when they're in bed, Azula absent-mindedly running her fingers through Katara's hair, just before Azula puts out the candle, she asks the question.
"Will you still be here when I wake up?"
Will you still be next to me. Will we still be us.
Katara turns to her, her eyes still just as red from crying as Azula's, and rests her forehead against Azula's. Presses her lips against hers.
"I will."
This time, for the first time since Azula, timid and broken down, sought Katara's eyes and pleaded with her to stay with her, for the first time since Katara woke up from nightmares next to Azula, there is no distance between them, no awkward shuffling into position to touch the other as little as possible. For the first time, they go to bed not reluctantly seeking mutual comfort, but willingly wrapped around each other. Azula buries her face in Katara's neck, Katara tucks Azula's arms under and over her and holds on to her hands as they drift off to sleep. For the first time, Katara doesn't feel disgusted for fitting so perfectly into Azula's arms; for the first time, Azula's feelings of weakness for welcoming Katara into her bed are outweighed by the relief, the joy of feeling Katara's breath tickle her cheek, of feeling her chest rise and fall under her hands. That night, the Fire Lord's bed doesn't need to accomodate the distance they've tried to put between themselves each previous night. Tomorrow, they won't wake up closer together than they went to sleep, for if it were possible to hold Katara even closer, Azula would already be doing it.
Forgive me, Tui. Forgive me, La.
Forgive me, Agni.
I'm sorry, Sokka. Aang.
Forgive me, father.
If we're going to be damned, let it be worth it.
A/N: Can you believe this is my first fic where the getting together happens before the fic is even halfway over? Neither can I!
Also what the fuck do you mean "publication date can't be in the future", AO3? It's the fourth where I live! Justice for UTC + n timezones!
