A million things stood in my way today when trying to update, but it's still 2/21 so better late than never! So curious for your thoughts, and hope ffn will let some of you review!
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thirty-six
vigilante shit
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"Should we go get a late lunch?" Edward asks when four o'clock hits.
I shuffle the deck of cards I found while snooping in the drawers and lay them on the small table, setting us up for another round of Speed.
"What if someone recognizes us?" I point out.
"Then they recognize us," he says simply. "We haven't done anything wrong, Bella."
I know he's right. But after Jackson's latest episode about us, I'm paranoid. Even though it's tempting, I don't look at Twitter or Instagram to see what people think about everything.
I also don't acknowledge Jasper's incessant calls and texts. He hasn't said anything substantial besides asking me to call him back. It's revenge for all the times he gave me the same silent treatment.
"I got plenty of snacks when we stopped at the gas station," I remind Edward. "We could stay holed up in here for days."
"Jerky and popcorn aren't sustainable."
"Aw, does my husband want a home-cooked meal?" I tease despite the twinge in my chest.
He grins. "I want out of here; that's what I want. I'm getting cabin fever."
"It's been like two hours, buddy." I pat his hand. "You'll survive."
My phone chimes, and I rush to check it.
I perk up. "Oh!"
"Is it Jane?" Edward asks.
"No, a discount code for twenty percent off this makeup line I use."
He groan-laughs. "Bell."
My stomach flickers from my shortened name.
"What if Jane is ghosting us?" I ask.
"I guess I couldn't blame her," he says. "Just not sure why she'd agree to this if she were just going to ignore us. Do you think it's because I'm with you?"
"No. Last night, I told her you were tagging along, and she liked the message. Wouldn't she have said if it were a problem?"
"Yeah, I don't know."
I panic. "What if someone got to her? Threatened her?"
"Who?"
"Jackson and his jerks." My eyes dart toward the small attic window overlooking the forest. "They're probably lurking in the woods, waiting for our next move."
Edward looks at me funny. "Okay, I'm getting us out of here."
"But—"
He stands and slides his hat over his messy hair.
"Fresh air. Some food. Maybe a beer," he lists off. "Let's go."
"Bossy husband," I mutter, but okay, I love it.
We grab our jackets and venture down the rickety staircase into the makeshift lobby. Thankfully, we don't run into any guests or Judy before we step outside.
It's chilly as we walk down the sidewalk toward the center of town, but the wind makes it worse.
"We're so going to lose power," I tell him, my hair whipping around my face.
Edward grins and purposely bumps my shoulder. "Are you afraid?"
"If I say I am, will you comfort me?" I tease.
He just smiles wider.
"It's strange that we both used to live here," I say as we pass the small public library.
"Out of everything that's happened, I'd say it's the least strange," he offers.
"True. Is it weird that you used to date Rosalie, and I'm related to her?"
"Why would that be weird?"
"Because we—" I stop myself. "Because I…"
"You what?" he asks, slightly taunting.
"Well, it's not like my feelings for you disappeared overnight. So, stop teasing me and answer the damn question."
He smirks and thinks about it.
"It's not that weird. I liked Rosalie twenty years ago. But we were seventeen. It wasn't deep, and clearly, it wasn't even real if she was cheating on me. I didn't know her. So, no, that's not weird for me. Is it weird for you?"
"At first, maybe," I admit as we walk. "There was a moment when I was getting ready before the gala, and I still thought about you as hers, and I just wanted you to be mine first. I didn't want us to be connected through her at all. Just, you know—a normal couple who had a meet-cute. I know it's stupid considering everything."
"It's not stupid," he murmurs, and I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to look back at him. "I was more yours than I was ever hers."
It's the perfect thing to say because it did feel like Edward was mine. It's satisfying and makes me happy to hear that he felt this way, too. But I'm also irrationally annoyed because he keeps saying and doing these things that are so fucking perfect and threaten to give me hope. It's unintentionally mean, and he keeps looking at me so intensely and softly like he wants to say so much more but doesn't.
I'm unsure what to say because I already put myself out there with him and got rejected. I refuse to let that happen again.
So I redirect us.
"Let's go in there," I suggest, pointing toward a bookstore.
He looks confused, maybe because we were having a moment, and I let it slip by. But my heart needs him to make the first move, so I walk ahead, and he slowly follows until we're both inside.
An older man greets us and says to let him know if we need help. Although he doesn't look familiar, I still duck down an aisle for privacy.
"This place is new," I remark, lowering my voice. "I think it used to be a thrift store." Edward's quiet. "Do you like to read?" I ask, trying to make small talk.
"Bella."
"Yeah?"
"What was that back there?" he asks.
I pick up a book and flip through the pages. "What?"
"Did I scare you by what I said?"
"No." I keep my focus on the book. "Just a little frustrated."
"What? Why?"
I look at him, and his gaze is soft under the brim of his hat.
"Because it makes me sad," I confess. "What we could've been. And you're making it hard to get over you."
He frowns. "Why do you have to get over me?"
"You want me to not-so-silently pine over you?" I balk. "Because that just seems cruel."
"No, I just…"
He stalls, and I put the book back onto the shelf.
"I know you're probably trying to keep your distance from me," I prompt. "I get it. I mean, after what I did to you—"
"Hey," he mumbles, raising a hand to squeeze my shoulder. "It's okay."
"But it's not. I don't expect it ever to be the same between us. I don't expect you to forgive me."
He doesn't pull his hand away from my body. "But I already forgave you."
I stare up at him, hanging onto his every word. "You did?"
"Of course I did. I wasn't trying to think about it too hard because I thought that'd be easier, but Bella—I wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't already forgiven you. And I sure as hell wouldn't spend a weekend away with you if I didn't trust you."
When he lays it out like that, then yeah—I feel like I should've been able to come to that conclusion myself. We've been in this limbo for weeks, and he's been offering me slivers of forgiveness that I was trying to ignore because I was scared of rejection.
Maybe we need a more extensive conversation if we're going to move forward, but this is enough right now.
With his hand on my shoulder, he moves it to cup the side of my neck, lifting his thumb to brush my jaw. His touch warms from the inside out. Something hot sparks in my stomach, and if he's looking closely, he can probably read my face, my feelings so clear for him.
He licks his lips, the moment charged with tension, but neither of us moves. We just stay stuck in this delicious torture… until an employee appears out of nowhere.
"Hi!" she chirps, and Edward pulls his hand away from me. "Just letting you know we close in twenty minutes."
"Thanks so much," I glance at her nametag, "Jessica."
Her focus is still on Edward. She smiles and then freezes.
"Wait… Edward? Edward Cullen?" I'm offended she recognizes him first, even though I lived here from birth to eighteen, and he had only lived in Forks for three years. "What are you doing in Forks?" she blurts, her expression shifting to worry. "Are your parents here?"
I don't know this woman, but her demeanor went from breezy to panicked in seconds.
"Uh, no, my folks aren't here," he says, and for whatever reason, this news seems to chill her out. "Sorry, do I know you?"
"Yes! Well, no. Actually, do you? I'm Jessica Stanley. We had chemistry together. The class, I mean." She laughs nervously. "Not like, you know. Chemistry chemistry."
It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes.
"Right. Jessica," he says, but I don't think he remembers her. "How've you been?"
She shrugs. "Life has been life-ing, but yeah. I'm so sorry about your mom."
"My mom?" Edward asks, looking at her strangely.
Jessica frowns sympathetically. "I heard she was sick again."
"Oh, she's been in remission since I lived here. Had a scare a few years ago, but thankfully, she's good," he tells her, and the gratefulness in his voice makes me want to hug him.
"Right." Jessica's face falls before she looks embarrassed. "That's good! A relief. It must have been someone else I heard about."
"Yeah." Edward's eyes shift to me, trying to involve me in their conversation. "Do you remember Bella Hale?"
Her gaze is finally on me, the color draining from her face.
I guess that's what being related to a missing girl does for your reputation.
"Oh, my God. Shit. Right." She shakes her head, trying to recover from her initial reaction, but then makes it worse by addressing the elephant in the room as if we're close friends. "I can't believe how big Rosalie's case is getting after all this time."
"Yeah, that's one good thing about the podcast, making it all relevant again," I offer.
"I can't bring myself to listen to it, though. It just gives me the heebie-jeebies. It's the same any time I see a photo of her—something just wigs me out staring at a dead person."
I don't even know what to say to this.
"Yeah, for sure," I agree, swallowing hard. "It's hard to see pictures of her, and nothing about what happened back then is easy to digest or relive."
"Seriously, my parents were crazy strict after all of that," Jessica says, shaking her head. "Rosalie's disappearance ruined my senior year. I'll never get that time back."
I want to fucking scream. Edward brings a hand up to rest on my shoulder, offering silent support that speaks volumes to me.
"I'm so sorry," I tell Jessica, not dialing back my sarcasm. "That must have been so hard on you."
She nods somberly, not catching on. "Yeah, thanks."
"It ruined my family and my life," I add hotly. "So I feel you."
There's nothing like slapping someone with a bit of reality to give them perspective.
"Right, I'm so sorry," Jessica mutters, her cheeks turning pink. Now would be a good time to leave, but she asks, "So, you two are… together?"
"We're just here to get some information," I answer because saying yes would be a lie, and saying no would hurt too much.
"Do you think they'll do a Netflix documentary?" Jessica wonders, absently reaching for her necklace. "Or a reenactment? I wonder who they'd get to play Rosalie."
"Um… yeah, I doubt—" I pause, my words caught in my throat when I see an ornate flower attached to a gold chain around Jessica's neck.
It's Rosalie's missing necklace.
Or rather, it's mine because we swapped months before she disappeared.
When my family eventually cleared everything out of Rosalie's room, we never found my morning glory necklace, so we always assumed it was still on her. If I'm being honest, believing that brought me some sort of comfort. Like I was with her in a way, even if I physically wasn't.
At my abrupt silence, Jessica and Edward watch me in confusion.
"You okay?" he asks, concerned.
"I…" I shake my head, unsure what to make of all of this. "I think I need some water."
"I have some bottles in the back. One sec," Jessica says, disappearing.
"Do you need to sit?" Edward asks.
"Maybe."
He helps me to a chair in a reading nook and crouches before me.
"You're shaking," he murmurs. "Do you feel sick?"
"No, I—" I glance past him and see Jessica rushing back.
"Here you go. I brought some crackers, too."
"Thanks."
Edward sweetly cracks open the bottle for me, and I take a long gulp.
Jessica lingers.
I'm torn between wanting her to leave and staying because I need answers. The only way I'll get them is if I keep my shit together.
"I like that," I croak, pointing toward her chain, willing my heart to slow down. I don't show her my necklace because I'm unsure I can trust her.
Jessica brings a hand up and smiles. "Thanks."
"Morning glories are beautiful." She makes a face, and I say, "That's what that is. An outline of a morning glory."
"Oh," she laughs, grabbing the gold flower and sliding it along the chain. "Yeah, I guess. I just thought, you know—it's a flower."
I force a smile. "Morning glories are September birth flowers, which is why I know that. My birthday is in September."
"Oh," she says, like this all makes sense now. "Yeah, mine is in January."
I glance at Edward, who watches me curiously, not catching on.
"Are you feeling better?" he asks, standing but staying close.
"Yeah, I'm okay," I tell him, then look back at Jessica. "Where'd you get it from?"
"The necklace? I've had it for ages. I don't know."
"Like how long?"
She laughs uncomfortably. "I don't know. Twenty years?"
I narrow my eyes. She acquired a necklace the same year Rosalie was gifted hers, and went missing. I'm not buying it.
"And you don't remember where you got it from?" I push.
"I didn't buy it," she finally says. "It was a gift."
"From who?"
"A friend," she says, eyeing me. "Is everything okay?"
I rein in my suspicion. "Yeah. Yes. Sorry, I'm always looking for morning glory jewelry," I lie. "It's rare."
That part isn't a lie. I've never encountered a similar necklace before, so my gut tells me it's mine. I'm unsure if it was taken from Rosalie or she lost it. But deep down, I know this originally never belonged to Jessica.
The door chimes as someone walks into the store, and Jessica looks relieved to have an excuse to leave.
"Feel better. It was good to see you two," Jessica says, pointing over her shoulder toward the customers. "I just have to…"
"Yeah, totally." I nod. "Take care." Once she's out of earshot, I stand. "We need to go. Now."
Edward doesn't ask questions but gently touches my elbow and leads us outside.
"What was that?" he immediately asks. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Did her necklace look familiar?" I ask him, looking over my shoulder as we rush down the sidewalk, heading back the way we came.
"Jessica's? No. I didn't notice her wearing a necklace until you said something."
"Let's go to your car," I tell him, spotting it in front of the bed and breakfast down the street.
"Okay, but can you tell me what's going on? I feel a little in the dark."
"I was given a morning glory necklace exactly like that for my tenth birthday. Rosalie got a daffodil for hers, and we swapped necklaces." I stop in place and pull the chain out from my sweater, showing him. "This doesn't look familiar?"
He eyes it, but I don't see familiarity register for him. "I can see the similarity to Jessica's necklace, but I wouldn't associate either with Rosalie."
"Really?"
"You're forgetting the part where she was cheating on me, and we didn't spend that much time together."
"True." We start walking again and he unlocks his car before opening my door. "Did Jessica act weird when I brought it up?" I ask once he's in his seat and we're finally alone.
"Honestly, I was more focused on you, so I can't say," he admits, and I smile somberly. "Who gave you the necklace?"
"My parents."
"Maybe Jessica's parents got her the same one?"
"I guess, but I remember they were for specific birth months. Like, a little card came with it to explain the meaning of the flower and everything. Why would they get their daughter the wrong necklace?"
"I don't know, Bella. I want it to mean something, but I'm not sure it does."
I groan, but I understand his reluctance to jump at this. I do a quick Google search for my necklace, but I don't see anything at first glance, which may mean it's not a common purchase. And then I call my dad to see if he remembers where he and my mom bought it, but he doesn't answer, so I leave a voicemail asking him to call me back.
"We need to find out who gave Jessica that necklace," I stress.
"She didn't seem up for divulging that information," Edward points out.
"Exactly. Which is so fucking weird. Why not just say who gave it to you unless it was supposed to be a secret? Or maybe there's a better explanation, and she's just a klepto and stole it from Rosalie."
"Maybe," he agrees, cracking a smile and removing his hat, sliding it backward.
My heart stutters, but I try not to be distracted by his sexiness.
Spoiler alert: it doesn't work.
"So, what now?" he asks. "My vote is food."
"How can you think about eating right now?" I ask, amused.
"Because I'm starving. Are you not? Honestly, I thought your episode in the bookstore was due to low blood sugar. I was about to terrorize the town for the nearest soda."
I smile. "Lowkey might faint next time just to see you in action, Dr. Cullen."
"Please don't. Seeing you nearly concussed once in my life is enough." He says it sweetly, then more heatedly adds: "If you want to play doctor, we can figure something else out that doesn't involve you getting hurt."
That hot spark I felt in my lower belly when I swore he was about to kiss me in the bookstore is there again.
I dampen that feeling of arousal because we're in a car and not a bed.
"Good to know," I say, clearing my throat. "Can we go to Port Angeles to eat? I don't want to risk seeing people we might know because I can't deal with more stupidity. People get so freaked out and don't know what to say about Rosalie and end up saying the dumbest shit. I hit my threshold with Jessica."
"Yeah, that whole conversation was a little rough."
"Once we eat, I'll message Jane again and try to call my dad back. Then maybe we can visit the local jeweler and see if they've sold similar jewelry."
Edward starts the car but doesn't drive yet. "You know, I'm kind of impressed with you and your whole vigilante thing."
I eye him. "Why?"
"Because you're dedicated to finding the truth. Rosalie deserves that. We all do," he says gently. "I want to do anything I can to help you because I know getting closure will mean something different to you than it does to me."
I'm hanging onto his words. "What do you mean?"
"For me, it's proof, like see? I didn't do it," he says simply. "For you, I know it will be just… peace."
I'm so fucking touched while also fighting the urge to pounce him right here in the front seat.
"Thank you," I whisper. "If you want to help, you can start by not saying the most perfect thing that makes me like you so much more. It's distracting," I say, downplaying how he made me feel.
He chuckles. "Was it?"
"Um, yes. I have a case to crack, and you're casually making me fall in love." I say it without thinking and immediately worry it's too much. "Just kidding. I didn't mean, like, love love. I just mean—"
He puts me out of my misery and grabs my face with both hands, kissing me.
My eyes fall shut, and I kiss him back, our mouths moving softly together.
So many emotions stir in me—hope, longing, and love—and I'm so desperate to know what this kiss means to him, but I try to stay present and just enjoy the feel of his mouth on mine.
Our kiss turns deeper, his lips coaxing mine open before it turns chaste again.
Still holding my face, his forehead presses to mine.
"Was that okay?" he whispers, our lips brushing when he speaks.
I nod, and he pulls back a little to look at me.
"I just…" I pause. "Don't kiss me if it doesn't mean anything. Don't invite me to stay at your condo or tease that I'm the love of your life if—"
"Of course, it means something to me, Bella. My feelings didn't change overnight for you, either."
"I thought I fucked everything up," I admit quietly. "Last week, you said you can't. And that stuck with me."
"I'm sorry. I only said that because I was scared," he confesses. "First woman I've ever fallen for… and first woman to break my heart all in a matter of weeks. It was overwhelming. But I can't lie and say you haven't constantly been on my mind. I'm done trying to stay away from you."
I soak up everything he's saying, knowing it will be branded in my mind and my heart for a very long time.
"So we can cut the whole friend narrative?" I ask, smiling.
His grin mirrors mine. "That was pretty painful."
"We were awful at it," I agree.
"That's because it's always been more with us." He steals another kiss. "Always will be."
