Chapter 6 – Fierce
Friday, August 26th, 2022
Gabi's POV
"A fresh transfer is off the table," Dr. Monty started with, and I nearly lost it right there. I was so uncomfortable and feeling absolutely wrecked with hormones and emotions this past week. I was absolutely so uncomfortable and so bloated that it hurt to walk. Each day brought something new, and I felt like absolute shit at this point in the process and wanted it to be over. I wanted to be done and this news almost broke me. It probably would break me as soon as I walked out of here. I swallowed as the tears were brimming as I tried to find something to say. Troy gripped my hand as I knew he had to be leaving and I knew that I couldn't drag this out. I opened my mouth to say something, but I just shut it again. I couldn't find words and I was terrified if I spoke, I would just lose it right here. "With that said, I want you to come back tomorrow. We're close to doing your trigger shot and then we are going to need to let your body reset. You are at high-risk for OHSS and it's not worth the risk of doing a fresh transfer because it can make it worse."
I just nodded but the tears dripped down my cheeks anyways.
Just another month away from our baby.
"I thought the new meds were supposed to help?" Troy asked with his clear mind, his fingers threaded through mine, and he clamped down as I couldn't find words at the risk of just melting down into a puddle. Even worse when Troy was going to be gone the rest of the day and tonight. "They did but she is still high-risk. Gabi is going to have to take it easy after the egg retrieval, too." Dr. Monty gave me a patient smile and I closed my eyes and counted to five as I exhaled and wiped away some tears. "I- I'm sorry, I just…I feel like crap and that just wasn't what I wanted to hear." I hiccupped on a few words, and I shook my head as Dr. Monty reached across to squeeze my other hand. I could feel Troy's eyes on me from the side and he would be the breaking point if I looked at him. "If we transferred after this it wouldn't stick anyways. I would rather you be in perfect health first, yea?"
"Yes," Troy shot out and his eyes stared at me before Dr. Monty. "Tomorrow?" he asked as he had a game tomorrow. "We'll monitor again and then we might pull the trigger on Sunday night to retrieve on Tuesday morning." I just nodded my head because in the back of my head I knew that was Troy's birthday. Of course, that would be how we would spend his birthday. "Thank you, Dr. Monty." Troy spoke as we both stood up and we nodded as we would see her tomorrow. He gently tugged my hand, and I followed him out as we confirmed our appointment for tomorrow and I didn't even make it out the door before I doubled over in sobs.
Just the thought that things weren't going right and that I couldn't try to transfer my baby sooner. That I had to wait. That I had to make Troy and Claire wait. That I couldn't join the club of pregnant moms.
"Oh El, baby," he gently pulled me up into his arms as he wrapped me up tightly. His fingers waving through my hair as I pressed my face into his chest, and I couldn't stop it. His lips pressed into my hair as the last thing I wanted to do was leave him right now. "You have to go," I blubbered out as I tried to push away from him, but he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you," he whispered into my ear. "Let's go get something to eat, smoothie? I know you haven't been very hungry." He offered as I tried to stop the tears. "Troy, you have practice. You have to leave. You can't be late," it only started my tears again as he framed my face, and his blue eyes were searching for answers in mine.
He never broke eye contact as he reached for his phone and quickly was on the phone.
"I'm going to be late to practice. I will be there just about an hour late. I'll pay the fine and I'll put in extra work this week. I have to handle a situation with my family." He spoke to not give away what was happening, but those blue eyes were soft and gentle as if he knew that I just needed him right now. That he was willing to just stay with me. "I am very much fine with paying it. I understand it's a late notice." He listened for a moment and then hung up the phone as he folded me back into his arms after slipping his phone away. "I'm sorry," I couldn't stop. I knew once I started it wasn't stopping.
"No apologizing," he whispered into my ear. "We have an hour and I wish I could give you the whole damn day because I would take you home and curl in bed with you. I know you are sad and disappointed but baby, I need you healthy." I just sniffled and nodded my head as he guided me to his car even though mine was next to it. He opened my door and I just slipped inside as he got in the other side as he drove a few miles down the road before pulling into a quiet park. His hand still gripped mine as I swallowed down, "I am just…I thought that going through all of this and at the end we could do a fresh transfer and we would have our baby in May and that just went up in smoke. Now it will maybe be June or maybe July and I just…it breaks my heart so fucking much."
I wiped the tears away, "And then I get so angry with myself for having any expectations of this process, but I think I just got excited, and I thought this was just going to…work and I was going to breeze through this process, but it's been terrible. Every day is so fucking hard and I feel so horrible right now, but I am so busy with the gala and trying to put a smile on my face and let everybody know that I am okay and I am dying inside and hearing her say those words this morning even though I knew it was probably coming…I literally wanted to come unglued and I did in the parking lot and I just…I," I was hyperventilating at this point and Troy was at my door as he cupped my face and I stared at him as he inhaled and I inhaled with him as he exhaled and I followed. "Breathe, baby, just breathe," he whispered as he kissed my temple. He held me in his tight grasp as I modeled his breathing pattern. Something I've done for him and now he's doing for me. I gripped onto his t-shirt so tightly as my fingers curled in it and we were both quiet until my body relaxed back against him.
"You are doing the best you can, and I wish I could fix all of this. I wish I could make this easier. I would play football for fucking free if I could figure this out for you and make this so much easier for you." His lips pressed into my hair, "I would give the world and we are so close to the finish line of this part. It hasn't been easy for you, and I love you so much more for this. I love you; I love you, El. We're so close, baby," he whispered into my ear, and I just nodded my head as he pulled back, but I couldn't let go and just thinking about him going to work and leaving me nearly made me break down again, but I didn't want to get him in trouble.
"I wish you could stay home all day with me," I whispered as the tears filled my eyes as I looked up at him and I saw the wince on his face, and he stroked my cheek. "I know that is so unfair to say to you but it's just one of those days that I don't know how to handle all of these emotions right now. I feel the best right here with you." Those blue eyes looked absolutely helpless at those words, and he just swallowed on the thought and nodded his head. "I'll figure it out." He said as he reached in to buckle my seat belt and I looked at him with confusion and I inhaled.
"Troy, you have a game tomorrow."
"It's preseason. I'll sit out."
"Troy," I argued, and I shook my head, "No, you have to go to practice. You are going to make me feel worse." Those blue eyes just shook his head, the tone of his voice made me shiver because I knew he was serious with the words he was saying to me right now. "Gabi, you are more important to me than football and if you need me today. I will call my coach and I will tell him I cannot be there. That my family needs me more than anything else today. If they don't like it? Fuck them. Sit me out. They have to pay my ass regardless. If you want me to take you home and get you comfy in bed and then I will go to practice and put in my time, fine. If you want me to bring you into the facility and you can hang out? I will. If you want to drive home and just…, have you time then okay. I am going to give you whatever you want because watching you fall apart there? Broke me," his voice cracked, and I closed my eyes with it.
"And I will do anything to make you just feel remotely better."
I reached up to scrub a few of his own tears away and I nodded, I took a deep breath in, and I let my thumb run across his lower lip. "I love you so much and I think if you miss practice and whatnot – I will only feel worse. I know you have games tomorrow and you might have to miss our appointment in the morning because you have to be at the facility,"
"No," I should have known that he was going to push back. "I will be there tomorrow. I'll talk to coach today, okay? I just want you to know that I am here in every sense of the word, and I know that you wanted this to go smoothly but nothing in our lives has with our relationship but in the end Gabi, we are going to end up exactly with what we are supposed to have. One kid, two, three, or none. We will figure it out together and the timeline doesn't matter. The month, the due date, none of it matters to me as long as I have a healthy you and a healthy baby if we are so lucky to get that but most importantly – I need a healthy you. I need you."
I just swallowed and nodded my head as I was hearing his words and I understood. I'd rather have him forever than lose him in a fight to have kids. "I hear you," I whispered back, and he pulled my mouth up to his in one of those devastatingly painful kisses that makes your knees weak. "I love you, El. I am so proud of you." I gave a tiny smile, "Let's get back to my car and I will see you at home. I am going to work on some stuff and once you are home, I'll call it quits and we can snuggle up in bed together with take-out before you have to be at the team hotel."
The frown that placed over his lips with those words at the mention of the team hotel. "Okay," he whispered, "Okay," I mentioned back, and he kissed me one more time and we got back in the car, and he never released my hand until I was back in my car. "Take it easy, baby," I just nodded, and he waited until I left the parking lot. I blinked away tears as I wanted to choose the first option so fucking badly but I knew that he needed to go to work, and I would feel guilty from holding him back from football. I would be okay. I had things to do as well, and I will be okay. He was there for the exact moment I needed him – I was just being selfish.
Troy's POV
I stormed through the facility. I changed into my practice clothes, and I jogged onto the field as I luckily found the two people I needed to talk to. "Troy, you are earlier than we were expecting you. Everything okay at home?" I felt my jaw tighten and I exhaled heavily, "How much were you planning on me playing tomorrow?" I questioned and the coach and GM both casted a look at each other. "Not at all, actually, that's why we are willing to not fine you for being late. Kellen was going to start." I nodded because that was my biggest hope. "Can I be excused from today's activities and tomorrow? Again, I am willing to pay any fine, I will answer any questions, Gabi is…" I exhaled as I couldn't stop my own emotion just thinking about her breaking down today. The tears in my eyes were hard to blink away as I cleared my throat.
"She is having a really hard time physically, mentally, emotionally, with the end of this egg retrieval process and she needs me today. She told me to leave but I could see it in her eyes that she also needs me. I will be in the locker room on Monday morning, and I will answer any and all questions from the press and my teammates. I just…I need to be there for her right now. She was there for me on my hardest days with Claire." Our GM, Spencer, nodded at me. "Go be with your wife and family. You know that I want our players to know that family is important around here. You won us a Super Bowl while watching your daughter fight for her life. Two days away from this will not do anything to this team. It will show them that you know when to put your family first. You will have to answer the questions in the locker room."
"Always," I rushed, and he nodded, "Go, get out of here. We'll have you talk to everybody on Monday." I thanked him as I went tearing back into the locker room not giving any of them a second look. "Troy," I paused at Reni's voice. "Is Gabi, okay? Claire? You only have that look for two people." I swallowed and nodded, "Everybody is fine but Gabi…she needs me today. Tell the team I'll be back Monday and that I will explain everything then. I will watch tomorrow." Reni nodded his head, "Go be with her. We got your back." I smiled and quickly changed my clothes.
Once I was back in my clothes I raced out to my car and drove like a madman home. Her sobs were on repeat in my head from when we walked out. I knew she didn't receive the news she wanted to hear today but her words that she spoke in the car about how she had so many expectations and absolutely none of them were going how she thought they were going? Shattered me. The way she just couldn't catch her breath and she wanted to just…to make it all stop for the day. The moment she mentioned that I had to leave tonight for the team hotel. I almost came unglued. I wasn't leaving her tonight.
Her words were on replay in my head as she just wanted to have a baby.
Our baby.
Fuck, wouldn't I give to just give it to her. I was so thankful for my team, my coach, and my GM for allowing me to give this time with her. She was my every breath and to watch her just struggle. I knew how hard this was for her. Her stomach was purple and blue with each poke, her stomach was so bloated she looked 3 months pregnant, and she said she could physically feel her ovaries every single time she moved. You could tell that she was uncomfortable, and she was busy with the gala and trying to play with Claire or trying to be everywhere and anywhere. Her mom was trying to get her to rest but Gabi was practically begging for the distraction.
She was more important than a pre-season game.
She was more important than football. Period.
Gabi didn't need me very often. She was a strong independent girl. She always has been and when she said she just wanted me to go home with her – I knew right then that she needed me, but she wasn't going to just let me not go to practice. Gabi didn't expect me to go to my coach and ask for this. I wanted to do this for her – to show her that I know when she needs me and today, she needs me. Luckily, the conversation of having the egg retrieval on a Tuesday was a relief because I didn't have to ask for it off. I might have to work with my receivers in the afternoon on the side, but I could be there for her without asking for it off.
Gabi deserved to be shown that she was the most important girl in my life, and I don't feel like I got to do that very often. She didn't need it very often nor would she ever ask for this. That's what made me comfortable choosing this today. To give her this.
I pulled into the driveway, and I spotted Gabi's car in her garage, and I parked next to her as her parents were out with Sophie today. I jumped out and headed inside as it was still dark in the house. My eyes went to Ember's crate which was empty, and I moved down the hallway to our bedroom and she was curled up in the bed with Ember curled up with her. I kicked off my shoes as I curled up right behind her. "Troy," her voice cracked in half, and I just hugged her. "You are supposed to be at practice." I brushed my hand through her hair and kissed her temple.
"I asked for the weekend off. You have me today and tomorrow. I talked to the GM and coach, and they are supportive of this. I wasn't playing anyways. I wasn't going to start and have any reps. It's normal. None of the starters are. You need me more than my job needs me. You are more important, and I am going to be here for you. I am going to hold you and love on you and show you that you come first. I never want you to have any doubts in your head. I am thankful that we are doing this in pre-season. I am thankful that we are doing this right now because this is easier to explain to people. It's already scheduled but I also need you to understand that if this was November? December? January? I wouldn't hesitate to do the same damn thing."
Her fingers slipped over my hand, and I kissed the back of her head. "I never doubted it, Troy. I just…I never want you to think that you have to do this for me. Football is important to you and that is your job. I overreacted." She sighed and tried to turn in my arms, but I just locked her in and buried my body against her.
"I know that you were going to be okay without me but, my strong, independent girl, but I need to be here for you. You did not overreact. You heard something you didn't want to hear when you feel shitty and it was something you were looking forward, too. You were excited because you knew once you got through this, we would get our first chance and it felt like a negative when you just needed a positive and you didn't get one today." I brushed my hand down her hair and I relaxed my arms enough to roll over and those brown eyes peered up at me. The tears brimmed her eyes, "You aren't leaving the house tonight?" I shook my head as I wiped her tears away. "No, when you said that earlier it broke me. I couldn't even imagine leaving you today, let alone all night tonight."
She let her head fall to my chest and she let out a loud exhale. "I want to apologize," she murmured, and I chuckled with a shake of my head. "Absolutely not. Every single feeling you feel is valid." I wrapped her up as her nose pressed into my neck. "I love you, thank you for knowing I needed you," she whispered, and I closed my eyes and I exhaled. "I know you, El. I will always know." My fingers wove through her hair, and I just held her as I felt her breathing even out and I knew she would be fine without me but that didn't mean I should be without her. This process had been grueling and hard.
I laid with her for another hour before I wiggled my way out of bed to let Ember outside and I made some lunch for the two of us. I went back to our room as she was scrolling on her phone, and I sat down next to her. She peered at the food, but she had barely been eating anything recently. "Just eat what you want," I told her as I brushed my hand through her hair. She nodded and I let my hand massage her shoulder gently. "I need to say something, and I really want you to hear me because I know today didn't go as planned but I need you healthy, baby. I can't do this life without you, and I am not risking your health for something we can wait a month for. I get it, it's not ideal and not what you wanted but for your health and safety? Then that is what we will do."
Gabi circled her legs and twisted to face me. Those brown eyes were tired, and I cupped her face, "I know. Honestly, I knew it was coming and I think I just…I just wanted something to go right for the two of us. I want to be healthy, and I don't want to risk a healthy embryo. I understand the reasoning but, in the moment, I just felt like I had failed…again." I twisted my head and I looked at her, "What have you failed at, El? You haven't failed at anything." She just looked up at me with tears in her eyes and she shrugged, "I can't just get pregnant and be normal. I can't just not be at high risk for something that could cause problems, I can't just let you do your job,"
I shook my head as I pulled her into my lap, and I secured her against me as I made sure our eyes were connected. "El, baby, you have failed at nothing. If you failed at getting pregnant, I failed at getting you pregnant. It's not your fault you are at high-risk, it was a risk we knew we were taking. It's not your fault I'm not at work. Nothing is your fault, and you have to know that you need to take this pressure off of you to do all of this right. If this takes one, two, or three rounds then that's what it takes. We will do this until you are ready to stop. If you just want to do this one egg retrieval because it's been absolutely fucking hell on you? Then that's the only one we do. You have failed at nothing."
She exhaled and rested her head on my shoulder as I just held her against me. "I don't want you to set yourself up for something that isn't in your control. You can do everything right and this might not go how we want it to go. Please understand that baby." She just nodded into my shoulder, and I kissed her hair. "We will have our baby, but I will never be upset with you for needing me, for not being able to get pregnant, or for being emotional due to the drugs you are on. I will never be mad at you, baby. Nothing is your fault."
Those fingers gripped my t-shirt, and I could feel her tears, but she just needed this. She needed to let the emotion out and to know that these emotions needed to get out. "What can I do to make this better for you? Is there something I can do?" I asked her after a while. "This is exactly what I needed." She whispered and I kissed the side of her head. "I know you don't feel well but how about I cook dinner for the two of us tonight, I will give you a good massage and then we can watch a movie or something." I told her as I knew she wasn't going to want to leave the house and I didn't blame her.
"Troy, if you need to go to practice or go be with the team. Go," she said softly, and I cupped her cheeks, "Baby, I am not leaving you. Especially not today. If you are feeling better tomorrow? Then I will consider going to the game, but I need to spend time with you." She finally gave up the fight and nodded as I let her hand fold with mine. Her belly looked so uncomfortable, and she grabbed one of my sweatshirts and pulled it over top. "You wouldn't be mad if we never did another egg retrieval? If this fails?" she asked as we walked into the kitchen together.
"El, I cannot ask you to put your body through this again if you have no desire to do it. That is your decision to make but let's get through this one, see what happens, and go from there." I gave her hand a squeeze and she slipped onto a bar stool as I cleaned up the kitchen. "I'm sorry we might be spending your birthday in a fertility office." She said and I looked up at her, "Gabs, I don't care where I spend my birthday. I get to spend it with you, and I'll get Claire that evening. I already talked to Eve that we are probably going our egg transfer that day and I would drop Claire off in the afternoon."
She just nodded as she grabbed her laptop and I let her work. She needed something to distract her mind. She made a few different phone calls and I even snuck in some of my own work. She rubbed her eyes, and I kissed the crown of her head as I stood up, "You should go lay down for a bit. I am going to go pick some stuff up from the store." She nodded her head, "I was just thinking that." She paused as her eyes turned to face me and she looked a little better. "I love you, thank you for doing this for me today." I just gave her a tiny smile, "Always baby, I will always be here for you." I gave her another kiss and she went off with Ember to the bedroom as I had already placed an order for food tonight.
I knew she wasn't going to eat a lot, so I found something light. I drove through the grocery store pick up line as I also grabbed ice cream. Ice cream fixed everything…right? Once I got back to the house my phone rang with Hanson on the other end. "Hey, how is Gabi? Is she okay?" I sighed, "Yea, just a hard day. She was told we can't do a fresh transfer and I think it was the straw the broke the camel's back. She just wanted something to go right and it's just another month of waiting. She just didn't need to be alone today."
"Man, can we do anything to help? The guys are all supportive." I nodded, "I might still come tomorrow to be on the sidelines to support Kellen and whatnot. It will just depend on how Gabi is doing. We're almost to the finish line." Hanson chuckled, "You got this. You are doing what you need to do. Let me know if you want Amber to come hang with her or something."
"Her parents will be here tomorrow. I think all of her sisters are in town this week so hopefully we are just having a bad day." I was quiet upon entering the house as I finished my conversation with Hanson. I started dinner and then I went to check on Gabi as she was brushing her hair after a shower as she was in a pair of shorts with one of my Bama sweatshirts. I walked up behind her as I smelled her clean scent, and I kissed her cheek. "Did you get any rest?" she nodded, "About an hour and then I feel a lot better after my shower. What did you get for dinner? I'm not that hungry."
"I know. I just bought some salad. I'll grill some chicken and if you want to add it you can." Those brown eyes lifted to meet mine and she smiled, "It sounds good. Do you need any help?" I shrugged, "Only if you want to help."
"I do. I want to feel useful instead of like a blob that I actually feel like." I just nodded as I went back to the kitchen with her as we both cut up stuff for our salads and I went out back to start the grill. I was using double the amount of chicken as my phone rang and I looked to see Eve facetiming me. I smiled as I slid over the button and Claire filled my screen. "Hi baby," I said, and she grinned, "Dad! I wanted to show you the picture I drew!" the camera angle changed and moved until she was showing me the picture she colored.
"It's of you, mommy, Gabi, Christian, and baby Jackson!" I chuckled, "It's beautiful baby, where are we?" I asked squinting as I went back inside. "At the beach house, mommy should come visit there next year." I smiled, "Maybe. Do you want to say hi to Gabi?" Claire nodded her head, and I handed the phone to Gabi who gave the biggest smile I've seen today to Claire. "Hi Claire! What is this picture I am hearing about," I leaned against the counter as I watched Gabi interact with my daughter and I sent a prayer to whoever was listening to let her have at least one of those. She needed her own child.
Gabi laughed and my chest relaxed because she was already doing better. Gabi lifted her eyes to meet mine and she gave a smile before I went behind her to look at Claire. "Daddy, mommy said that I am coming back Monday night."
"You are."
"But your birthday is Tuesday,"
"I'll get you that afternoon. I promise, we can do all the birthday things." Gabi turned to look at me and I shook my head softly, she just exhaled as I squeezed her shoulder. "I want to wake up with you on your birthday." Claire pouted and I just chuckled, "Baby, I promise you don't want to be here. We have to get up extra early that day and you will be extra grumpy. As soon as I am done, I will come get you." She exhaled heavily and I shook my head with a laugh. "I love you, Claire. Go play, I'll see you on Sunday."
She nodded and took off after bidding her own love and Gabi hung up the phone, "Troy," I kissed her before she could say absolutely anything else. "Shush, we have to get up and be there by 8 in the morning. I don't want to deal with Claire in the midst of that. She won't remember missing my 27th birthday." Gabi let her head fall back against my chest with a sigh. "C'mon, let's finish dinner."
Gabi's POV
I was snuggled up with Troy as we were watching a movie together in the theater. Our bodies were intertwined as we still had to do my injections tonight and it was the last thing, I wanted to do but compared to this morning I feel better. Mentally and emotionally anyways. Physically, I am feeling all the effects but having Troy home with me all day boosted all of my moods. He knew what to say and when to say it. Troy shifted and was texting somebody over my shoulder as I nuzzled my cheek against his chest.
"You can go to your game tomorrow." I whispered as I let my chin rest on his chest. Those blue eyes peered down at me from his spot, and he was looking for the true answer. "We can decide after your appointment tomorrow." I shifted to straddle his lap as it had been a long handful of days with no sex, and I knew I wasn't going to be cleared for anything for several days after our transfer. I missed him. "No, I want you to go. My parents and Sophie are going to come over tomorrow. Amber shot me a text and her and Bianca are going to come over. Since none of you are starting. I'll have people here and it will be distracting. I need you to do your job but thank you for this day. I did need you today and I feel selfish for taking you away from your work."
Those blue eyes softened, and he nodded his head, "Only if you are sure, I told them I needed the weekend." Gabi shook her head, "I appreciate it. I do. Today, I did need you and only you. Nobody knows how to comfort me better than you do. I know what she told me wasn't the end of the world but in the moment, it felt like everything came crashing down around me. You're right – I need to be healthy, and I don't want to compromise my health to do something that may not work. I also needed to hear that this isn't my fault because sometimes I really feel like it is. That I am putting us both through this and I should have done better. That I can do better, and I don't know…I forgot that it isn't my fault. I didn't choose this. I didn't do something to my body. We were just…unlucky."
His long-calloused fingers brushed my cheek, and he gave me a patient smile. "We were unlucky and it's okay. I will not be able to handle you putting all of this pressure on yourself. We will do what the doctor tells us to do, and we will go from there. If we do it all right, then we have nothing to fault. It just wasn't meant to be. We do our part, and it will happen on the other end. This is not for nothing."
I exhaled and blinked away the water in my eyes because I was sick of crying. "I think mentally, I need that month off. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise." Troy chuckled, "I do think we both need to reset after this egg retrieval. It's been hard and do not dismiss that fact." I just nodded my head as I leaned forward to kiss him. "I miss you inside of me," Troy grunted and kissed me a little bit harder. "You have no idea, baby. Once you are feeling better, I can promise, there will be no mercy." I couldn't stop my giggle as my phone went off letting me know it was time to get our injections ready.
Troy squeezed my hand and we both got off the couch as I put the ice packs on my bruised, swollen belly. Troy grabbed all the medications as we both drew up and mixed them. Once they were all ready to be injected, I removed the ice packs as I looked at our recording as these videos had grown really popular. I think people waited to see the dance at the end. Troy quickly and efficiently did all of the injections as the last one was always the worst. He did it as quickly as he could and once, he was done he wiped away the blood and then kissed my belly. "I love you," he whispered looking up at me.
I just ran my fingers through his hair and smiled, "I love you, more," he stood up as he grabbed his phone and queued up a song on his phone. Broken Together by Casting Crowns echoed through his phone, and I smiled at the song as I looked up at him. "I really couldn't do this without you. I don't think I wouldn't have kids if it wasn't for you doing this with me."
"You are so fucking strong, baby. You could have done this without me, but I am so glad I am the one doing it with you. I am here to cheer you on, hold your hand, and remind you daily that you are one of the strongest and most powerful women I have ever met. I never want you to forget it." I closed my eyes and just leaned into him as I soaked up the song, soaked up him, and just relaxed for the first time all day. Once the song finished Troy just held me close to him. He kissed the top of my head and I pulled away from him.
"I am going to let Ember out and then we can go to bed." I nodded my head with a tiny smile on my face. I cleaned up the kitchen and I went into our bedroom as I got ready for bed. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then climbed into bed as Troy wasn't far behind me. We curled up in bed together as I felt safe in his arms and there is nowhere else, I would rather be than right here with him. "Thank you for today," I whispered, and he squeezed me closer. "Thank you for letting me take care of you for a day. I know it probably physically pained you but…" I couldn't stop my laugh as I looked back at him.
"I needed it. Thanks for forcing my hand." He just chuckled as he kissed me on the forehead, and I sighed with content.
Gabi's POV
Saturday, August 27th, 2022
My iPad was open on Troy's interview as he told me he was addressing the press today. I sat down and got raw and honest with my TikTok viewers about what was going on and how I felt so…broken yesterday. The support and the words of encouragement that came flooding through was amazing and something that I did need. I was so thankful for that community.
"Troy, you weren't at the practice facility yesterday and the team said you had a family issue – everything okay?" Troy was dressed in a Loyalist t-shirt with his hair all messed up. He ran his fingers through it again and he nodded his head, "Yes, everybody is physically fine. As most people know, my wife and I are having to do IVF treatments. We are in the middle of our egg retrieval process and yesterday my wife was just really having a hard day with it all. It was already pre-planned that I wasn't going to start today, and I asked the coaches and GM if I could take the day off because she needed me more than the Loyalist needed me. I am very committed to our team, and I want to have a successful season, but I can honestly say if I was here yesterday, I wouldn't have been productive."
He paused for a moment as he looked down at his hand, "I don't know if any of you have watched somebody you love to go through that process, but it is grueling. Exhausting. She is putting in so much effort and still running The Sunshine Pact and still helping take care of Claire and she feels like absolute crap. To watch her struggle yesterday and to not be able to do anything about it besides be there for her? I felt helpless. I felt like I wasn't enough for her yesterday. The love that I have for her for going through this process to add to our family? It's fierce and deep. She is so damn strong, and I know that the Loyalist pay me millions of dollars to come and play the game of football but sometimes family has to come first. Today, I am focused, Gabi is feeling mentally better. She won't physically feel better until after this process is over but mentally, she was laughing and smiling this morning. I needed that to be here today. Gabi is there for all of my mentally, anxiety ridden days – it was the least I could do for her was to be there when it was hard."
The tears in his eyes made my chest clutch as he rubbed his eyes for a moment as he looked around the room as another question was asked. "You have a superwoman of a wife; my wife went through the same thing a handful of years ago and we have 3 healthy kids. Tell her that it's worth it. My wife would agree." Troy shot him a smile and a nod, "I watch my daughter and I just want the same thing for Gabi. Gabi loves Claire deeply and is a second mother to her in every sense of the word but it's just different when you raise them up as a baby. To watch them grow into that little person. For somebody to call her mom. I want that for her more than anything and I would throw all my money at it to give her that exactly. But thank you, I will pass it along to her."
A smile peeked out of his mouth, and they moved on to more football questions. How they are preparing for their first regular season game in two weeks. We had the gala next weekend and it all game together. The Boston Red Sox had a day game that Saturday and they would all be there. The Bruins would be there. The Loyalist would be there along with the Celtics. All the athletes were coming out along with all of my friends from the hospital – those of who were not working. We had a handful of my former cancer patients. I couldn't wait.
Today, we got the news we would most likely trigger tomorrow night to retrieve on Tuesday. We had another appointment tomorrow morning and we would confirm it. There was a ton of follicles, and we were all hoping that it was going to be successful. Arms wrapped around my neck, and I peered back to see my mom. "How are you doing, sweetie?" I smiled, "Good. I am better today. I had my day yesterday. Today is a new day and I still feel like crap, but I am so thankful that we are able to do this and get this chance." My mom smiled as she ran her hands through my hair as she always did when we were children.
"You are allowed to have hard days, Gabi. Do not let yourself think otherwise during this whole process." I nodded as she kissed my head. Scarlett came into the kitchen with Auggie on her hip, "Do you want your nephew?" she asked, and I nodded as I stole him from her grasp and loved on him. "Hi buddy, aren't you just the cutest boy," I murmured as I rocked him in my arms. Scarlett smiled watching the two of us. "You will have this," I just gave her a look, "Nothing is guaranteed." Scarlett shook her head, "I just know. You are going to have one of these cute little babies and you are going to feel so much better. Way more fulfilled."
Auggie had the brownest eyes, he put his chubby hand on my cheek, and I kissed the crown of his head. "I think I will forget all of this the moment I have one," I told her, and she smiled, "I think that's how they describe childbirth. In the moment, you never, never want to do it again. But you get farther and farther away from it with the little human you created? You want another one. I think if you get one you will want another one and another one and another one. Especially if they look anything like Troy Bolton." I laughed as Scarlett wrapped her arms around me as Auggie reached for his mom.
"Thank you," Scarlett just gave me a squeeze.
"Always,"
Tuesday, August 30th, 2022
Troy's 27th Birthday
Egg Retrieval Day
Troy's POV
Gabi changed into the gown as today was the day.
Today was the day she could feel relief from her ovaries.
Today was the day that we would start the next process of this whole ordeal.
Today was a new day and Gabi felt hopeful today.
She laid back on the bed as I let my hand stroke her hand as they were taking her back any minute now. I had already done my part and gave another semen sample as I did that as they got her ready. Gabi had a video on my phone recorded just for the occasion and it didn't take nearly as long as I thought it was going to take. Bless, her. Gabi was jittery and I hated this part, her going under, but they told me it wasn't going to take too long, and they should have the total number by the time we leave here today. They said because of her PCOS and her high risk of OHSS that she could potentially have a lot of eggs to be retrieved. It would just depend on how they mature and grow. "We haven't decided yet but…are we going to get them genetically tested?" I asked her and she rolled her head to face me as she thought about it.
"I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I think the only reason we don't use an embryo is because it is going to cause them a long, hard, life or something that they will never survive. I don't want to put a child through that. I've watched too many kids with cancer go through things but a down syndrome baby. Things like that? Livable things? I don't want to give up on them because they aren't perfect. I also do not want to know genders." My eyebrows shot to my hairline as I figured that was the fun of this process is we got to handpick our gender.
"You don't?" she shook her head. "No. If we can – I would like to not know until the baby is here with us. Not because I don't want to know but because all of the fun has been taken out of pregnancy, not knowing the gender of our baby, is the one thing we can control. I don't want to fight over what gender to do, and I don't want to stress about it either if we only get one boy or one girl. So, I think that is my stipulation to genetic testing." I rolled my lips together for a moment as I thought about her proposition. "I can agree with that. How do they pick which one?"
"They grade them. They can pick the best grade and we'll go with that one. Boy or girl. I don't care. I just want one of us. I think it would be fun to not know our entire pregnancy." I nodded my head as I thought about it and I smiled, "You are right. We don't get to control anything else, but this is something we can do that other parents get to do. You don't want to know how many we get of each gender?" Gabi shook her head, "No. Because if we only get one boy and I somehow know it's the only boy we're implanting, and we have 15 girls. I won't be able to sleep."
My head bobbed in a nod as I looked at her, "Fair deal. Neither of us will find out. We'll tell everybody and anybody that we don't want to know." Gabi smiled as Dr. Monty came back with a smile on her face. "Hi, you two, Gabi, are you ready to finally get these eggs out of you?" She nodded her head, "Please, I want to not feel like a whale with no baby inside of me." Dr. Monty laughed, "Let's get you that baby, yea? Troy, it will only be about thirty minutes and then we'll recover her before coming to get you with the good news."
I nodded, "Sounds good," I stood up as they were finishing prepping her. I bent over as I kissed her softly and I brushed my finger over her chin. "I love you, El. You are so fucking strong, I am in awh of you daily. I'll see you with the results, yea?" Gabi smiled and gave me a kiss back, "I love you, too. You'll tell me?" I nodded with a smile, "I will tell you."
They took her back as I exhaled while running my hand through my hair as I went out to the waiting room. Lucas was again, sitting there, I gave him a smile as he smiled back. "First, happy birthday." He told me handing me a fresh coffee. "I figured we could have a meeting to distract you while you are sitting here." He patted the seat next to him and I took it as I ran my fingers through my hair. "What's up?" I asked and he handed me the iPad with notes on it. "All of your sponsorship people who are wanting in." I raised an eyebrow, "In?" I questioned as I scrolled through the list.
My eyes scanned down the list and I paused at one, "Lululemon?" I questioned and he laughed, "Yea, that's a combo deal for you and Gabi." I raised an eyebrow, "The two of us?" he nodded his head, "Yea, for the both of you. Monster wants to work with you, but I told them you don't typically drink energy drinks and probably wouldn't go for it." I nodded as I stared at the bottom of the list, "Wait, Gabi has her own section?" Lucas laughed, "She might honestly be more popular than you these days when people call. A make-up company wants to work with her, a fragrance company," I shook my head, "Nope. She wears what she wears," I shot, and Lucas chuckled.
"Fine, we'll deny that one. A dog food company for Ember. The list goes on."
"Are you telling me that I need to start paying you for two people?" Lucas smirked, "I would but I love Gabi. She's free of charge," I grumbled which only made him laugh harder.
"She'll 100% take the Lululemon one," I told him, and Lucas laughed, "I have to talk to her about what they want but I told them most likely since it is already half of her closet." I couldn't stop my laugh because it was true. "A pre-natal vitamin company reached out, actually, a few reached out."
I hummed on the answer as I looked up to try to see if she was done yet. "She is good, man." I nodded, "I am just glad to get this part out of the way. This wasn't fun and I hope we get a bunch of eggs so that we can just…breathe for a little bit." Lucas nodded in understanding as we finished our conversation and went over our schedule for this week as I was exhausted already from just looking at it. I ran my fingers through my hair as the end of the week was the gala. Gabi was so excited, and I honestly think that it got her through the past week and half.
The doors opened and I looked up to see Dr. Monty with a smile on her face, my shoulders relaxed as I stood up and she nodded. "Come on back," I looked over at Lucas who took a drink of his coffee. "Tell Gabi that I'll come see her tomorrow and to take it easy." I nodded as he slapped my shoulder as I walked back through the doors. "She did great. They are finishing the count, but I knew you wanted to get back to her." I nodded as I wiped my hands off on my jeans. I walked through as they took me to her bay as she was sleeping still. I smiled as I went over to kiss her forehead. She stirred underneath of my touch as her eyes fluttered open. "How many?" she asked me, and I chuckled, "I don't know yet. I love you though, feel any better?" she shook her head, and I just grabbed her hand as she dozed in an out of sleep.
Dr. Monty came back with a smile on her face, "How many?" I asked, my eyes flickering to Gabi to see her still sleeping. "32," I felt my eyes pop out, "32?" she smiled with a nod. "Yes, and it went so well. I am very hopefully that you will get a good end number." I closed my eyes as I squeezed Gabi's hand and she rolled to look at me with her eyes hazy, "32," I whispered to her, and her eyes popped open, and tears pulled into her eyes. "32?" she whispered, and I nodded my head as my own tears dripped down my face.
"You are such a badass," I whispered back to her as I wiped her face, and she gave a smile. Her hand reached up to cup my face, "I love you," I whispered to her, "So fucking much,"
"32 chances. I know they have such a long way to go but I was so scared it was going to be like 1." I chuckled as I kissed her softly, "32 chances to make our dreams come true,"
This Gabi and Troy is probably my favorite.
They just make me so happy.
To put it quickly - I am going to be out of town for the next several weeks. Please be patient! I am not going to be around my laptop and it's going to be chaotic! I promise we will get through this time together haha but please enjoy this chapter! I'll be back soon!
Next Update: August 13th
