This was a fun chapter to write especially between Dorian and Lara as an insight to their friendship. Plus a fun insight to Dorian and Solas. I can absolutely imagine this dynamic happening between them.
Things also heat up between our Commander and Inquisitor. It's still a slow burn between them but I promise not for long.
Hope you enjoy it :) Please leave a review if you are or even just to say hi x
—-
Chapter 16:
Lara found herself heading towards the War Room, her advisors all waiting for her. Solas advised her that he was doing better and to go easy on him. Lara rolled her eyes at that but the nerves were starting to kick in now. Did he remember her being there? Did he remember anything at all about that day? Forgetfulness was one of the symptoms and Lara was unsure if he was losing memories.
Get out!
She didn't know if he was angry with her or trying to protect her. She was a mage. The very thing that haunted him in his flashbacks. Could there ever be anything more between them? Or would their pasts present a challenge at every turn? Lara swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat. With a heavy sigh, she pushed open the doors to the War Room. Her advisors turned and smiled at her. Including Cullen.
"Inquisitor," He nodded.
She felt like she was having whiplash. This was not the same man she saw falling apart in his office two days ago. He stood here acknowledging her like nothing had happened. Did he not remember what happened? Apparently, Adamant was more important than her thoughts.
"Adamant has stood against the darkspawn since the Second Blight," Leliana started.
"Fortunately for us, that means it was built before modern siege equipment," Culled added in. "Thanks to our Lady Ambassador…"
"I'm sure you know Lady Seryl of Jader? Well, she was pleased to lend the Inquisition…" Josephine started.
Lara was zoning out now. Her heart wasn't in it for a big mission especially one like Adamant. Blood magic was oozing through that fortress and it was not a place for Cullen to be. However, he was the one training the forces and had to be there to lead them. He was too vulnerable and it surely would affect him. Perhaps Solas had an idea on how to help with something like this.
Morrigan seemed to think that Corypheus was looking through elven ruins for something. Lara remembered Solas saying the orb was elven. Could it be related to that? What would be of value to him in elven ruins? Maybe Solas or Dorian would have an idea.
"Lara? Lara?!" A raised voice and quill flapping in her vision caught her eye and she startled.
"Sorry?" She looked up at Josephine.
"We said whenever you're ready, we can make our way to Adamant. It seems like now isn't a good time though," Leliana answered, a small smile on her face.
"I will confirm a date," Lara replied, lowering her head. She really shouldn't have been daydreaming but she couldn't help it. Too much was on her mind.
The meeting finally finished, much to Lara's relief. She was about to turn on her heel to leave when his voice stopped her.
"Inquisitor, if you don't mind staying behind for a moment, I'd like to have a word," Cullen spoke to her.
Lara froze looking at Leliana and Josephine who made their exits with a smile. Did they know something? Was he going to talk about what happened? She stayed put until they left, not daring to move and not daring to take her eyes off him. Cullen made his way to the doors and locked it after they left. Her breath caught in her throat and suddenly, she felt trapped. She was stuck alone with him and there was no way out.
"You're locking the doors?" She asked nervously.
"Privacy. My office isn't exactly the most private area. Leliana knows about this conversation. She will ensure we're not interrupted," He replied, making his way back across the War Table, keeping it as a buffer between them.
"Well, if she knows then she'll know to look for me after you kill me," Lara commented.
He let out a harsh laugh, "Is that really what you think of me?"
Shit…
"I have a few things to discuss. First, I hope you were true to your word when you said you would be by my side. I've supported you, regardless of my reluctance, when you sided with the mages. When you asked for them to openly study and practice magic, I asked my men to retreat. I have been most lenient despite my past," Cullen started, his expression unreadable.
"Go on," Lara said, not knowing where this conversation was going.
"Word spreads fast around the barracks apparently. So Rylen tells me. It is known amongst my men that I have quit lyrium. It seems there are many others who wish to follow suit. I don't believe I have done it properly. I did it all at once when I should've done it gradually. It's too late to fix my error but we can help the other men gradually quit. We can monitor them, aid them. Skyhold has plenty of resources and connections. I am asking for your permission, Inquisitor, to help the templars," Cullen was gripping the table, nervousness running through him. One more ounce of nerve and the table might snap.
"You want to set up a rehabilitation center?" Lara asked, eyes wide.
"That's a much better way of putting it. But yes, that is what I'm asking for. It cannot be done without your approval," Cullen answered, still gripping the table.
Lara let out a laugh earning a raised eyebrow from Cullen.
"You're asking me to support templars not being templars thinking I'm going to say no? I'm a mage Cullen, of course I don't want your men being templars," She gave him a smirk.
It was Cullen's turn to laugh. Lara didn't miss the little sigh of relief that sounded in his laugh. His grip from the table eased.
"I need to speak with Solas and Dorian first. See what's possible. They know more about this than me, I'm afraid. That means your templar buddies must be comfortable with mages healing and aiding them, Commander," Lara gave him a stern look.
"I'm aware. Leave that to me. I will discuss with my men so they know what the journey entails. Thank you Inquisitor. You don't know what this means to me," He gave her a sincere smile.
"Sorted then. Was there anything else…" Lara shuffled her feet. Was he going to talk about what happened?
"You asked who Uldred was," Cullen started, his hand reaching behind his neck.
"Cullen, you don't have to," Lara started, her eyes wide.
Cullen shook his head as if dismissing her. "I've never told anyone about Ferelden Circle. It's about time I do. Solas told me you were there but I vaguely remember. I do remember seeing your face. I was scared. I yelled at you to get out so you could be safe…" His head hung low, he ran his hand through his hair.
"You did," Lara confirmed.
"I could've hurt you…" He whispered painfully.
"But you didn't."
"Uldred was a Senior Enchanter turned blood mage in Kinloch Hold. He was encouraging the other mages to break away from the Chantry using blood magic. Uldred attacked the Circle, he himself became an abomination trying to summon a Pride Demon. The Circle was overrun with demons. I saw my friends being slaughtered and tortured. I was the last survivor…sometimes I wish I wasn't. I had an ill-infatuation with the Hero of Ferelden. I'm sure you've heard of her. A mage," Cullen was facing away from her now, hand roughly running repeatedly through his hair.
So that's what he meant…do I really want to know this?
That unwelcome pang of jealousy arrived in her body again at the mention of Solona. Of course she knew about her. She wouldn't have thought that Cullen held feelings for her, a mage especially.
"They tortured me, tried to break my mind. I was tortured by a Desire Demon, my infatuation used against me to tempt me with the one thing I wanted but couldn't have. The one thing I swore to protect," His head was lowered, his back still towards her, his breathing heavy.
Lara's hand slowly raised to cover her mouth which opened in shock. His fear and distrust of mages wasn't from the Order or from simply being a templar. It was from his trauma. It was her own kind that tortured him, that did this to him. She had completely misjudged him. The fact that he could still stand here and call a mage his Herald, his Inquisitor was evidence enough that he was a better person than her.
"I was there for days, I don't even remember. No food or water. I was broken by the time Solona found me. Leliana was there, too. I begged Solona for death. I wanted to die. I begged her to kill all the mages. I'm grateful now that she didn't listen to me," Cullen finished.
"That's why you don't like being touched unannounced. That's why you were in such a state after the Winter Palace," Lara started, the pieces finally clicking. "They were all trying to seduce you, just like in Kinloch Hold," She finished, her voice strangled.
"Yes," He responded with gritted teeth.
"Are you still infatuated with her?" She asked the question before she could stop herself.
Cullen let out a chuckle. "No, Lara. I told you, I never left anyone behind. There wasn't a lover in my life. I was a teenage boy with a new path, my first philter of lyrium, and too many hormones hence the infatuation. It is in the past," He answered.
"I'm so sorry Cullen. I have nothing to compare that to. I can't even imagine what that must have been like. Am I really the first person you've told? You trust me?" Lara couldn't take her eyes off him.
Cullen turned around to finally face her. His eyes sunken, his expression showing his exhaustion, his fear, his battles. He was making himself vulnerable for her. But why?
"Yes. I'm just sorry you had to see me like that," He whispered.
"Why?" Lara asked, not understanding why he trusted her.
"I'm not sure. Intuition? Not that it ever led me down the best path but you…you're different," He answered surely, eyes locked with hers.
Lara swallowed hard, the intensity of his gaze melting her in her spot. This vulnerability, this connection, it wasn't something Lara was familiar with or knew. She was sure she wasn't responding in the best way or comforting him how he needed to be comforted. She felt too exposed and she needed to take the heat away.
"Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?" She changed the subject.
Cullen smiled. "Yes, one more thing."
He started walking around the War Table and towards her, closing the distance between them. Lara's body was already responding to his closeness, leaning towards his direction but her mind was screaming at her to move back. She watched him carefully, prepared to move away if he came too close.
"There was something I wanted to ask you. We have some dealings in Ferelden to take care of before Adamant. I was going to make the journey as an excuse for a visit back home and I was, uh -" His hand was now behind his neck again, his eyes darting around.
Lara stayed silent, watching him. She wasn't sure what he was going to ask.
"Maker's Breath…I'm no good at this," He took a breath. "I was hoping you would accompany me, if you can spare the time, of course."
His honey eyes now locked with hers again, searching for a response, for an answer. Her emerald eyes stared back at him trying to register what he just asked her. He was close enough to touch and she yearned for it but kept her hands by her side.
"Just you and me?" Lara asked.
"Yes."
"Are you asking me on a date, Commander?" Lara couldn't help but smirk.
"What if I am?" He replied, finding his confidence.
"Very bold of you to ask that of your superior."
"Hmm, I seem to recall my superior nuzzling into me when I danced with her."
He closed the distance between them even more, his body so close hers but not yet touching. His scent was too prominent, clouding her thoughts. She looked up at him taking in all the details as if memorizing them. The lines in his face showing his age, his experience, his defined jawline, the stubble on it, the design of his scar from his upper lip and how she itched to trace it with her fingers. His golden hair complimented with honey colored eyes that melted her. Heat was pooling in her lower half, desire growing within her to touch him, to feel him around her.
"It's rude to stare, Lara," He whispered to her.
She let out a small gasp as she realized he caught her staring but she still couldn't stop. He stared at her with an intensity, a longing, his honey eyes melting a shade darker.
"If I was to say yes, when would we go?" Lara asked, trying to avoid that he caught her taking him in.
"Tonight," Cullen answered.
"That's so soon."
"Yes or no?"
"I don't know," She replied, still lost in his eyes. She cleared her throat, "If I am there tonight, you have your answer. If I am not, you also have your answer," Lara answered, taking steps away from him and heading towards the door.
"You're toying with me," It was an accusation.
"I'm not. I'm thinking about it," She replied while unlocking the door.
"If you are, meet me at the entrance. At nine."
Before she could answer, she left the room in a rush needing to get out of there. Away from his scent, away from his hold on her. He was dangerously close, she almost reached out and traced his scar. The desire in her was aching. For him. What would it be like to kiss him?
No stop, Lara! We are not kissing him…
—-
She was winded by the time she reached Dorian. Solas gave her an arched eyebrow as she ran through his rotunda but this was an area that Solas definitely could not help. Or at least so she thought anyway.
"My, don't we look flustered? Is this the doing of our strapping young templar?" Dorian greeted her.
Lara let out a groan. "How do you always know?"
"My dear, I just do," He smirked at her.
"Is this how you look after a night with Bull?" She raised an eyebrow.
"I'm ignoring that," He narrowed his eyes at her. "When you give me some juicy details about your dashing Commander, I will share some details regarding him. Fair is only fair."
"He asked me to accompany him to Ferelden. Alone. Just me and him," Lara answered.
"Yes I gather what that means, thank you. Oh, how exciting! When are you going?"
"Tonight but I haven't said yes. I told him if I'm there by the entrance tonight, he'll have his answer."
Dorian let out a huff, "I wonder if the elf minds if I throw you down from here…Solas!"
A loud slam can be heard from down below, Solas clearly annoyed.
"What could you possibly want now? Do all of Tevinter abhor staircases?" Solas's reply came from down below.
Dorian sighed, "In my case, yes. Could you imagine me doing all that manual labor just to ask you a question each time? It's far easier from up here. I thought I would give you a friendly warning: I might throw the Inquisitor down from here, in case she lands on you or your desk…but seeing if that's your attitude, maybe I shouldn't have warned you."
More slams and mutters could be heard from Solas. Dorian tutted and shook his head. "Are you always pestering him?" Lara scolded him.
"Someone needs to have some fun here. People take this library too seriously," He replied.
He put away some books he was reading and organized his corner of the library motioning for her to sit. He made himself comfortable and Lara sat opposite him, her legs folded by her side.
"Would it kill you to say yes to him for once?"
All of a sudden it blurted out of her. She never told Dorian or anyone. "It's not that easy…I-" She let out a harsh sigh and rested her forehead on her palm. "I've never been with a man."
Dorian was quiet. For once. "In what sense are we talking?"
Lara's head shot up and she glared at him. "Really? All of it."
Dorian leaned in closer, so only she could hear. "My dear, are you telling me that you're a…
"A maiden?" She mocked bitterly. "Yes."
"Well, that makes a lot of sense now," He replied, leaning back on his couch.
"I've been kissed, that's about it. My only experience was with another mage. We were making out, I saw him…well, semi-naked. Just in his undergarments, and I in mine. We were going to but…" Lara shook her head. "It was a moment of weakness before I realized what was going to happen and I left," She finished.
Dorian burst out in laughter, gathering a few eyes their way. He wiped a tear from his eye.
"You did not? Oh, you are ruthless. I don't envy him. All eager and ready to go and you just storm on out of there," He let out a few more laughs.
"Dorian…" Lara groaned.
"What is it exactly that you fear? You can't always reject him, you know. One day he will learn and you will regret it," Dorian was now serious.
"I've never let anyone in. Or allowed anyone to love me. My own parents never did. My siblings…only my brother seemed to care, but in secret. In the end, I was wrong about that. When I was left in the Circle, he never sent me anything secretive like he used to at home. I was the unwanted child. Even more so when they discovered I was a mage. My brother was my final rejection and I swore…"
"What? You swore against all men? All men aren't your brother and all people aren't your parents. Your family is Orlesian, you know how that goes," Dorian answered.
"I swore I wouldn't get close to anyone. Risk an emotional connection just for them to realize I'm nothing special or that they couldn't possibly love me. More so to protect myself. It was one thing with my parents, but my brother…that hurt the most. I thought he cared and when I realized he didn't, it broke me," A tear now left Lara's eye and she quickly wiped it away.
"Yet here you are, close to me. Close to my best friend downstairs who seems to be angry with me. Have we in any way showed you we didn't care?" Dorian asked.
Lara laughed at his comment. "I don't think he regards you as a best friend, Dorian."
"Perhaps. I'll grow on him eventually. I think I may already be fond of that elf, but I must say his fashion choices are…interesting," Dorian replied.
Lara shook her head, a few more laughs escaping her.
"It started with one drunken night. Most of my adventures shall we say, have been mundane. But with him…I don't know how to explain it. It was irritatingly different. His smooth attitude, his lack of care whereas I'm all discreet and uptight at times. He allows me to be undone and I both hate and love that about him. I told myself it was just one night and yet I can't stop myself. Not to mention he leaves his door unlocked and open like a savage," Dorian admitted.
Lara felt her heart melt. "Ah, he does have a sweet side after all."
"Yes, yes. I told you that in secret by the way. If anyone finds out, I know where you sleep," He glared at her.
"What do I do?" Lara asked.
Dorian let out a sigh. "I can't believe you're…actually, yes I can. You say yes, as in you meet him by the entrance tonight before he leaves. Don't let him down on this one. I imagine it took him a lot of courage to ask you."
"I have to pack my stuff first. I imagine we'll be a few days," She answered, her heart fluttering. She was actually doing this.
"Lovely! I will help you pack. Make sure you're dressed appropriately," He stressed the last word with a smile.
"Dorian," She warned.
"No, nothing inappropriate. Don't want to soil you. Your maidenhood is at stake after all," He held his hands up, smiling.
Lara glared at him and swung her leg off the chair giving him a swift kick.
Dorian laughed, "I wonder about Cullen's reaction when he finds out what awaits him."
"Ughh…stop!" Lara covered her face sinking into her chair, embarrassed. If anything happened between them, he would have to know. Or would he still find out if she didn't tell him? The thought of them being intimate made her uncomfortable but in an exciting way especially knowing how he looked under that armor. No, she couldn't think of that now. She was getting ahead of herself.
"All right, I'll spare you. Only because I don't want you ruining my couches. I spent enough time making them nice and you're creasing it," Dorian replied.
"There's one more thing," Lara changed the subject, shifting her body on the one seater.
"Oh?"
"I actually did say yes to him about something."
Dorian's eyes widened. "Well, consider me shocked. What did we say yes to?"
"He wants to start a rehabilitation center in Skyhold for the templars wishing to stop lyrium. Some of the men know he stopped and they want to follow suit. Is this something you could look into? That would mean you and Solas have to play nicely," Lara shot him a look.
"My dear, I am always nice," He smirked. "Hm, it's possible although I'm not having them quit altogether like your templar has. It's too risky. He was very lucky that didn't kill him. It's why his symptoms are so bad at times."
"Can you do some research while I'm in Ferelden?" Lara asked.
"Oh, you're actually agreeing to this? My dear, we have a deal. You accompany your strapping young templar and I will do some research. We would be the first to attempt this, mind you, but if you can set up a College, who says we can't set up a rehabilitation center?" Dorian sat up and made his way to the railing.
"Did you hear that, Solas? We may be working together soon. How splendid!" He called out below.
Lara slapped her hand to her forehead shaking her head. She didn't realize how much Dorian was annoying Solas here. Solas never mentioned anything before but now she was seeing it first hand.
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" The elf called back.
Dorian spun around to look at her. "See? We're getting along already."
Lara let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Now, time to get you ready for your dashing Commander," Dorian extended his hand to her.
—-
Dorian was incessant. She immediately regretted getting him so involved. He demanded she have a bath and get prim and proper. Vivienne was more than happy to help by providing just the tools Dorian needed to get the job done. Lara had to admit Vivienne kept herself meticulous which was admirable but wasn't her style. Lara loved adventure and getting her hands dirty. Dorian's goal was to make "a woman out of her" yet whatever that meant.
The warm lavender bath was filled with salts and petals to help smooth her skin, followed by a rough brush she had to scrub on her skin to get rid of any rough parts. Even though she glared at Dorian, the warmth of the bath eased her muscles and the lavender scent calmed her nerves. She had to admit she enjoyed it but she wouldn't tell him that. Any unwanted hair was ordered to be removed or else Dorian would magically rip it off her. Lara groaned but she wasn't about to challenge a necromancer. She was wild, not stupid.
Dorian busied himself with packing her suitcase while she followed his orders. He helped her with washing her hair, the scents of honey and lavender filling the room, sinking in her hair. It was going to be painfully obvious how much she cleaned up for Cullen and it was almost making her want to back out of this altogether.
She sat in her robe at her vanity table looking at her flushed appearance in the mirror from the warm bath. Dorian had a brush in hand when a knock on the door startled Lara but Dorian smiled making his way to the door. Clearly he was expecting someone.
No way he brought Cullen here…Her heart started racing.
"Ah good, you're here then. I trust you're making sure his carriage is ready for tonight?" Dorian's voice echoed as he climbed back up the stairs. Rylen was behind him.
"Oh yes, just bring anyone into my quarters without asking, it's completely fine," Lara glared while hugging her robe tighter.
Rylen let out a laugh. "I'm not lookin' lass. I've been ordered to collect your bag," He kept his head lowered but Lara could tell he was smiling.
"Rylen, he doesn't know I'm going. Please don't tell him," Lara asked.
"Aye, I know. Secrets safe with me lass," He replied, grabbing her bag and departing.
Dorian made his way back over to her. "I've ordered it to be collected so you don't have a chance to change your mind."
"Fucker…" Lara muttered.
Dorian started brushing. Hard. "I heard that."
—-
Lara's nerves grew the longer it took to get to nine at night. She could barely stomach dinner, butterflies flapping erratically in her stomach. She felt almost sick with anticipation staring at her perfect reflection in the mirror, thanks to Dorian. What if Cullen didn't want her to go? What if he changed his mind? What if he already left? Should she be there early? Or fashionably late? No, he was from Ferelden, not Orlais. Were they fashionably late in Ferelden?
Ugh…Lara stop it. You're acting like a sick teenager.
She had 10 minutes left. Swallowing her thoughts and emotions, she quickly grabbed her cloak from her standing wardrobe. She saw a peak of Cullen's cloak. She still carried it with her, sometimes sleeping with it at night, his scent of oakmoss and elderflower that still clung to it lulling her to sleep. She ran her fingers over it not knowing what the next few days lay ahead. Already, she was battling with herself whether to say yes. Was she ready to let go? To let someone in? It was getting harder to resist him.
This man who she swore was her enemy, only to realize he wasn't. She was his enemy if anything but he never regarded her as such. How many mages did he have to kill if they didn't pass their Harrowing? Could she forgive him for killing them? He was only 18 when he was tasked with killing under the guise of protecting and serving. Yet here she was losing her grip on her guard where he was concerned. Everything about him was a man. His scars, his calloused hands, his strong arms, his wrinkles. It was so easy to get lost in him…
Shit…the time…
Panic rose in her throat as she put on her cloak. If she was late, he would leave without her and she would have ruined everything. There would be no way to undo this. She wanted to say no, to hide in her quarters but she forced herself to run to him. To give in one more time. A part of her not wanting to lose him. She ran through the hall not caring if anyone saw her.
"Damnit…" She whispered to herself, angry that her internal dialogue of whether she was going or not made her late. She didn't have much time left. At the stairs, she saw the carriage ready to go with Cullen standing beside it, looking around. The door to the carriage was opening.
He's looking for me...
"Shit!" She ran as fast as she could down the stairs, trying not to fall. She was grateful she declined the dress Dorian offered her and stuck with her usual tight pants and boots. She would never have made the distance this fast.
He was starting to get in the carriage, Rylen behind him ensuring everything was ready.
No, no, no…Almost there!
He was slipping away and Lara was going to miss him.
"Cullen!" She shouted while still running, not caring who heard her at this point. She couldn't let him leave without her.
Rylen looked up at her, and she saw Cullen stop in his tracks looking over at her. He turned and descended from the carriage, walking towards her. Relief surged through her as he made his way to her. She didn't fuck this up. For once. She continued to run towards him, her legs almost giving out with how fast she ran. He reached for her and held her as she collided with him. He protected her. Like he always had.
"You're here…" He whispered in disbelief.
"Fashionably late," She answered, out of breath. "I take it that doesn't work in Ferelden?"
Cullen let out a chuckle. "No, it doesn't. Sometimes I forget you're from nobility."
"The mage part usually takes that away," She replied, trying to fight a smile.
He didn't reply, just held her tighter. He walked her to the carriage. Lara was aware he was still holding her as he helped her up in the carriage. His touch blazing through her skin, leaving her wanting more of it. Rylen stood there looking at them with a huge smile. Rylen must know something especially for Cullen to do this so openly in front of him.
"Wipe that smile off your face," Lara barked at him as she entered the carriage.
She could hear Rylen laughing outside the carriage. Cullen had a smile of his own as the two men talked. It melted her seeing him this carefree and smiling. She noticed it wasn't something that happened often. The lyrium withdrawals mixed with his past were probably to blame for that. He soon climbed in the carriage, the door closing after him. Suddenly the air was thick between them, painfully aware of how close they were. His scent filled her nostrils, her body heat rising in response. Honey eyes locked with green ones.
She felt the jolt of the carriage moving as it took them away from Skyhold. Just her and her Commander. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, still under his gaze. She was grateful for her cloak that covered her skin which was now covered in goosebumps. His hand suddenly stroked the side of her face, moving a stray tendril of hair from her face. Her breath caught in her throat at his touch and the sudden boldness.
"Green is still my favorite color," He whispered to her.
Her heart skipped a beat at his words, remembering the first time he uttered them to her at their chess match Dorian set up. The way he repeated it in his letter to her. And the way he whispered it to her now as if he were trying to tell her something hoping she would understand his meaning. It was going to be a long few days and Lara hoped her body and her heart would be able to withstand it.
