I can't believe we're already on chapter 27. I remember when I wrote the first chapter and was so scared to post it. It's been quite the journey writing this but I've loved every second of bringing Lara to life.
I believe at some point there was a Ball in Skyhold but I might be imagining that haha. Either way, I've incorporated it into Lara's story plus a lot of heated moments between our Inquisitor and Commander.
Thank you for following along this journey so far. It means the world to me. Don't be shy to ever say hello in the comments x
—-
Chapter 27:
Lara didn't have any time to focus on her thoughts or emotions. The Hall was already decorated as if it belonged in Orlais. Numerous candles illuminated it and part of the decorations included momentums from each region they had saved from Corypheus's grasp. Guests were arriving by the hour filling Skyhold over its capacity. Josephine accompanied her while she was getting ready to ensure everything was perfect. Lara wore an emerald green dress with gold trails embedded throughout the fabric. It hung off her shoulders exposing her decloutage and was equipped with see-through green mesh detachable sleeves. Her make-up was done to highlight her eyes, her most remarkable feature. She didn't miss that this was done on purpose to attract suitors. Lara wasn't one to dress up but she had to admit the wings on her eyeliner fascinated her. Josephine didn't argue when Lara fought against wearing a mask. If she didn't wear one in the Winter Palace, she certainly wasn't going to in her own home.
"Absolutely beautiful!" Josephine smiled, touching up on the last details.
Josephine had really elevated her braid. Instead of the one, she had two braids, one on each side, connecting into each other in an updo with a few tendrils of her hair framing her face. It was effortless but elegant.
"Let's just get this over with," Lara sighed, already sick of looking at herself in the mirror.
Josephine led her from her quarters into the absolute chaos of the night.
—-
"Aren't you just exceptional!" Alistair made no attempts to hide his flirtatious nature in front of the Orlesians.
He bowed and pressed a kiss to her hand. Lara half smiled, half looked away as she could feel the nobility piercing a hole through their interaction.
"It's a shame such a beauty like you can't be enjoyed," He continued on, not caring.
"Alistair," A deep voice warned, causing a shiver down her spine. He was here.
"Ah, Cullen, there you are! At least I can have a companion in this…madness," He whispered the last word.
"Leave her alone," His eyes were locked on hers.
"The lady can decide for herself, you know. Besides, you haven't done anything about…"
"I have," He cut him off.
Lara shouldn't be staring this much into his eyes, not with the nobles surrounding them inviting them in for gossip but she couldn't help herself. That dark molten gaze held her in her place.
"Oh?" Alistair looked between the two of them noticing their connection. "Indeed you have. You conveniently left that out in your letter."
"If you want a companion for the night, keep your hands off her," Cullen finished.
Alistair let out a chuckle, unbothered by Cullen's tone.
"It's not my hands you need to worry about," Alistair answered, indicating to the nobles.
Cullen didn't answer, only took her in, his eyes soaking in every detail of her. His outfit was similar to that of the Winter Palace but different in its color; a white uniform with a gold sash that still highlighted his blond curls and honey eyes, his muscles detectable under the fabric. She was suddenly overcome with an urge for him to hold her in his arms and keep her safe; safe from all the prying eyes and curious hands that were to reach for her tonight. She only wanted his. Her stomach fluttered as he stepped closer to her, leaning in to whisper in her ear.
"Even in my darkest nights, your beauty shines through. You are the lightness to my dark, Lara, and I hate that I have to share it tonight," His breath catches as his voice breaks but only she can hear.
Before she can even respond, the two men depart. Her body frozen, but her heart beating in her chest wildly at his confession, she swore she might collapse if her heart beat any faster.
—-
His words replayed over and over in her head, with each dance she was forced to participate in, each with a new noble candidate who painfully pined over her so as to win her over. Their words didn't even capture her a fraction as Cullen did. His eyes burned through her skin the entire time she walked around, conversed, or danced. Pangs of jealousy consumed her whenever she saw swarms of women surrounding him, each sneaking a touch of him; his arm, his chest, his hair. No doubt they were all putting in their offers for the Commander. She forced herself to look away but she couldn't help but notice the fear in his eyes as they surrounded him, as they touched him relentlessly.
Finally, she had a moment alone to grab a much needed glass of wine which she gulped down too hard, causing it to burn the back of her throat. It was a temporary way to take the edge off. She hadn't had time to hide away with her friends as the nobles surrounded her like hawks, each wanting their turn. Dorian, no doubt, was incapacitated somewhere or had run off in secret with Bull since neither of them were to be found. Footsteps came behind her and she rolled her eyes.
"Yes?" She tried to sound sweet, but it came off too harsh.
Gabriel laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not submitting my candidacy. I have no interest in incest."
"Thank the Maker for that," Lara sighed, relieved. Gabriel laughed even more.
She was grateful Gabriel stood by her side for a while to keep offending men away from her. She managed to eat a few bites for the first time since the Ball started and appreciated a normal conversation rather than tiring requests for her hand in marriage and what they could offer her. She hated all of it. If she could summon a rift and banish them all in the Fade, she would.
"So, what is going on between you and the Commander?" Gabriel asked suddenly.
"Nothing," Lara answered quickly before finishing another glass of wine.
"Then why is he looking at me with a murderous glare? His eyes have been on you all night," Gabriel peeked a look over where Cullen stood.
"He's tasked with protecting me. Also, he hates nobility," She answered.
I mean it's not a complete lie…but he can't know. I don't even know if I can trust him.
"You can tell me, you know? I know damn well you're going to reject every man here but I also know there is something between you two. Does he even know about me?" Gabriel asked.
"He's the Commander. Why does he have to know about you?" She replied coldly.
"Lar, I'm not mother and father…" He started,
"Oh, you're not, are you? You didn't abandon me like they did? I thought I told you not to lie to me. Everyone eventually leaves me…" Sarcasm reeked through her words.
"You're right, we said not to lie but you are lying about him. Is that why you deny him then? Because of us? You're only punishing yourself," He bit back.
"Fuck you, Gabriel. You don't get to waltz in here after years of silence and tell me how to live my life," Lara slammed her glass down with a bit too much force and stormed off.
Her storm is cut short by Vivienne who introduces a Duke who was too shy to approach her on his own and wanted a formal introduction. Lara swore they took all the alcohol out of the wine somehow because she is still too sober. He kissed her hand, requesting a dance. Lara followed along not caring anymore, all while feeling Cullen's gaze on her, she was surprised a hole didn't form in her body. The Duke knew how to dance out of all the suitors so far, she gave him that. He was charming in his own way and quite young, but his appeal did nothing to capture her attention as much as a certain Commander had when she first laid eyes on him. None of the candidates here even came close to her feeling what she had when she first saw Cullen.
"You have the most exquisite eyes," He commented, a shy smile on his lips.
Ugh, I need to start charging a fee if they're all going to keep saying this.
"So I've been told," She replied dryly.
"It seems I will have to do more to impress you then," He continued.
Please don't.
"Perhaps, but it takes more than a few compliments to impress me," She said with a sweet smile.
She was suddenly aware of what was going on. Not only was she to entertain them, but Josephine and Vivienne were scouting potential candidates for her as if she were a prize to the best bidder. It was all part of the Game and it made Lara sick, the wine turning sour in her stomach. This was exactly why she did not engage with Orlesian politics. If one weren't too careful they would be caught in a trap and Lara certainly was. Her dress and skin suddenly felt soiled and tainted with ill-intentioned fingerprints.
"Is that so my Lady Inquisitor? I do love a challenge," He replied, his hand trailing lower down her body.
Alarm ran high through her body.
"I will also inform you that such physical forwardness does not impress me," The words were bitter on her tongue.
The Duke at least had the decency to blush at his embarrassment and trail his hand upwards.
"Can you inform me what does impress you then?" He asked, recovering himself.
Time escaped her between dancing and talking with nearly all of Orlais, all with the same goal. Her mind drifted off to Cullen, who she searched for. Her dress suddenly felt too tight as she worried about where he might be. Had he retreated to his office for shelter? All eyes were watching her so she couldn't just dismiss herself unexpectedly. As the Duke waltzed her round the dancefloor, her eyes continued to search, needing to find him, but also needing to answer the Duke.
"Honesty," She blurted out just to give him something.
"Well, if we are honest, it is my Father who is forcing me to acquire you as my partner. I'm not sure if I truly want to be here," The Duke responded after a beat, trying to keep his voice down.
"Best thing you've said all night," Lara replied.
Lara excused herself after the music faded and their waltz ended. She needed to escape the suffocation of being swarmed and watched by the nobles eager to trap her. She was sick of being a pawn in this Game and needed her freedom back. Panic rose in her throat as she still couldn't find Cullen in the crowd, no matter what corner she scanned. Thoughts of his relapse after the Winter Palace played through her mind. The nobles didn't exactly know personal boundaries, especially Orlesian women. First, she needed some air, some space; she needed out of the Hall, if only for a moment.
Solas.
She makes her escape for the elf's rotunda, offering her a sacred space. A world entirely of its own underneath the library. She opened the door gently so as not to disturb Solas if he decided to escape back to his own quarters, but instead witnessed a sight that stopped her in her tracks. Cullen stood there, hunched over Solas's desk quietly, tortured, haunted by his past and the unannounced touches he can no longer endure. His eyes were squeezed shut, his knuckles white against the wood, his muscles fraught with tension as if he were in pain. The sight tore at Lara's heart and she suddenly wanted to flash her Anchor against everyone who brought him to his knees.
You are the lightness to my dark, Lara.
"Cullen? It's me. Where's Alistair?" She asked gently, taking steps towards him.
Upon hearing her voice, he rose his head quickly taking her in, staring at her with a wide eyed expression. She knew that expression well; his past was haunting him. His eyes fixed on her as if trying to decide if she were real or if his mind was playing tricks on him.
"He's with Morrigan," His voice was harsh, raw with emotions Lara couldn't even imagine.
A terrible silence enveloped them. Lara was unsure what he needed to save him as his demons held him in their clutches. She itched to touch him but was hesitant it would only set him backwards, falling deeper into the past when she needed him here with her.
"Tell me something about you only I would know," He sounded on edge.
Her mind scrambled to find something, he hadn't known many personal things about her, she realized. He barely knew anything at all. Wasn't it better that way? Lara had thought so but now doubt crept in her mind at the imbalance.
It's now or never…he has to know…
"You gave me your coat when you found me in the Frostback Mountains. You ordered me to keep it by my side if I wouldn't have you. I still have it in my wardrobe if you ever want it back," She admitted, a small flush rising to her cheeks.
His eyes blazed in an expression she couldn't make out.
"You kept it?" He whispered.
The heat rose further and Lara looked away from his intense gaze. She left out the fact that she had slept with it when she needed his scent, his protection, when her dreams became too much to bear. It was a shield against whatever set out to harm her mentally and emotionally. Suddenly, his expression darkened as if a bitter taste appeared on his tongue.
"Had enough wooing with the nobles?" Cullen's voice had turned to ice in a matter of seconds.
"Don't you dare," Lara warned him.
"When were you going to tell me your brother was here? Not just for tonight, but he's been here in Skyhold for quite some time," He looked away from her.
"It's complicated. I don't know where I stand with him," Lara admitted.
"A thought occurred to me when I spoke with him; our romance could never be. You're from nobility and I have no title or prospects to offer you. Your family would never approve of me. Is that why you keep me at arm's length? Because you know the outcome?" His words were still layered with ice.
Oh, he's mercurial tonight…
"Is that how little you think of me?" Anger rose in her at his words. "Unlike you, I don't have a family, Cullen. After they tricked me and abandoned me in the Circle, I denounced them and cut all ties," Lara spoke clearly.
Cullen now faced her, eyes wide with equal parts confusion and shock at her confession. His body turned towards her slightly, but remained silent, not wanting to stop her confession. An insight to her life that he previously did not have.
"Explain," His voice still remained harsh. He was forcing her to talk.
"I may be nobility by blood, but I am not nobility by choice. What I do is none of my parent's concern," Lara continued.
"You cut off ties because of the Circle? I don't understand. Many mages kept in touch with their family," Cullen asked, studying her.
"It goes deeper than that. Corypheus was right about one thing; I am nothing but a mistake. I was an accident. I was never meant to happen but I did and it interfered with my parent's lives. I'm the unwanted child and they made sure to treat me as such. I was constantly locked away in my room. My brother snuck into my room to see me or snuck items under my door. Sometimes a trinket from his adventures, a book, flowers for my hair…" Lara lowered her head to keep the tears from falling. Not after all the work Josephine had done or that's what she told herself.
"Then why cut ties with him?"
"He had abandoned me as well. I waited days, weeks, months even, just hoping a surprise item from him would appear or a letter. Nothing came. His abandonment hurt the most. He had squashed any hope he had given me," She replied, steadying her breaths to fight the tears that threatened to spill.
"Why is he here now?" Cullen asked, still trying to make sense of the information she was giving him.
A dry laugh escaped her lips. "I have Dorian to thank for that. I pushed him into making amends with his father and now, this is his payback."
Silence.
"I discovered in his letter it wasn't Gabriel's choice to leave me. Our parents had threatened to take his son from him if he attempted to contact me in whatever form it may be. They wanted to get rid of me for good. It was only when they discovered that I was Herald and had something to offer, they came crawling like beggars. I soon destroyed that when Josephine told me," Her words turned into a fury at the remembrance that they had even dared to claim her as her daughter when they never treated her like one.
"I remember now. They were publicly humiliated in the report I read. Maker, how did I not put that together," Cullen ran an exasperated hand through his styled hair.
Silence surrounds them, except for the sounds of music and chatter outside the door. The room they occupied was now full of past demons and admissions, a sharp contrast to the mood in the Hall. Lara still hung her head, not daring to look at him. Her old wounds were peeling themselves open at the memories that flood the center of her mind, emotions clawing to be released. Suddenly, she felt vulnerable and scared, like a hopeless child, much like she had been at every rejection she faced from her parents. Her only safe space was alone.
"Lara…" Her name was a whisper on his lips, his mood a stark contrast from earlier.
As if he could detect her scared inner child, he closed the distance between them, roughly enveloping her in a hug, holding her close to him. His muscles warm and safe, offering her shelter, protection. Her body sank into the warmth emanating off of him, his scent of oakmoss and elderflower a blanket for her to wrap around herself. It was a safety she never experienced before and never knew she needed. He was now her safe space.
"I'm surprised my title didn't put you off considering you hate the nobility," Lara smirked, her head still resting against his chest.
"I hadn't even considered. I hope my lack of title doesn't…I mean–does it bother you?" He asked, his face resting on her hair.
"If it were up to my family, you would be banned from seeing me. Since I'm in charge of my life, my opinion is the only one that matters," Lara answered.
Cullen let out a chuckle, pulling apart from their embrace.
"Well, allow me to formally put forth my candidacy then," His voice now deep, he placed Lara's hand in his own, eyes locked on hers.
"You better make it count, Commander. You have quite the competition," Lara nodded to the Hall.
He let out a low growl, annoyance flooding his face at the remembrance of the nobles touching and dancing with her. He pulled her closer to him, a reminder of his earlier words he uttered to her.
"My name is Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford. I served as a templar, achieving the rank of Knight-Commander in Kirkwall. I have left the Order, no longer bound by them. I now serve your side as Commander of the Inquisition forces. It is a testament of my loyalty to you. Any command you make of me, I will lay at your feet, including the world," His eyes blazed with fire behind his honey hues at his admission.
Lara swore the world stopped for a second at his last words. They almost didn't seem real. They couldn't be real. Except here he stood, his expression wild with that same look he'd given her before; adoration, worship. Suddenly, it's her who feels unworthy even if she does carry the title of nobility with her. His words hold too much weight for her to be worthy of them.
"That's quite a submission," Lara replied breathily.
"You've had my loyalty since the day I found you at the temple. As if the Maker gave you to me personally. We are bound together. You have always been mine, and I have always been yours. My heart is yours to do with as you wish," His words held a heavy truth Lara could not bear.
A fire burned in his eyes, a fire that warmed every crevice of her body. His words hung heavy between them, taking away her ability to grasp what he had just admitted. Her body no longer felt like hers, but his. She was always drawn to him like a moth to the flame, and here she stood underneath his fire. She could recognize him anywhere by his scent, his touch, his presence. Intricate details about him she knew by memory, as if he were her journal that only she knew the code for. Strong emotions that had no business being there rose to the surface, threatening to spill again but Lara fought to hold them back.
"I may never get a chance like this again… I love you, Lara," He finishes, his voice confident. So sure.
Words escape her like a thief in the night. They don't come as easily to her as they do to Cullen. It feels foreign to her yet she knows no matter what the future may bring, she will always choose him. Her heart will always want him and no other man could ever come close to what Cullen elicits inside her. The thought of a world without him brings an unwelcome stab of pain.
"You always say things like that…" She whispered, her voice almost unrecognizable as her emotions were getting harder to contain.
"And I'll keep saying them to you for as long as the Maker lets me live," Cullen answered instantly.
"Cullen…" She started, closing her eyes trying to steady her heart.
"Lara, do you think I would abandon you? Is this why you resist me?"
"Everyone always does," Her voice cracked.
"Then I will spend a lifetime proving you wrong," He leaned his forehead on hers.
"Careful, I may die with that belief," She teased.
He let out a chuckle. "Stubborn girl."
Silence again as they soaked each other's embrace. Cullen soon let go of her, a rush of cold air replacing his warmth, leaving her hollow. He walked towards the door leading to the battlements but stopped to look at her one last time.
"I am retreating for the night. I can only endure so much but as the Inquisitor, you must go back. I won't force you to say if you love me but humor me. If you come to my quarters tonight when you're ready, I shall have your answer," His words were tortured but soft.
With that, he exited into the night leaving Lara to gather herself before being thrown back into chaos again.
—-
The night was monotonous with the same routine. She would accept a noble's hand in dancing, they would fail miserably at trying to win her over using the same repeated lines, she would have to excuse herself and try to hide until the next noble captured her from her hiding place. The many glasses of wine were doing nothing to make the night more tolerable; they definitely had drained the alcohol from the wine somehow. The realization hit her that if she weren't a mage, she would be stuck with her family living this life. She would be forced with a suitable noble who whispered sweet nothings, offered her every material item she desired, yet could not provide her with what she needed most; protection, love, and safety. It would be a loveless and even abusive marriage. No noble would have been able to contain her wild spirit or tolerate her as much as Cullen had. A few of them tonight had been offended when Lara put them straight, especially as their hands wandered.
I wonder what they would think if they knew I wasn't a virgin. Maybe I should tell them I sleep around if it makes them leave me alone…
Another Duke scouted her out, not taking no for an answer. Letting out an annoyed sigh, but still giving a sweet smile, she was lured once again onto the dancefloor. Dorian had indeed snuck out with Bull and Gabriel was nowhere to be found. She hated how she left things, her snapping at him was an overreaction but the night was easily getting under her skin. She was a pawn in her advisor's game, a means to an end, bait just to get the right connections and donations they needed. Most of her friends had disappeared, which irritated her that she had to be the one to stay. After their dance ended, she managed to sneak away again and hide till she realized Cole was there.
"Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet, stronger when you hold him," Cole spoke, his head bowed and face hidden underneath his hat.
"I need a name Cole," Lara sighed.
"Cullen," He replied.
Her heart raced as she replayed the words back in her head.
Safe. Solid. Protecting. Proud.
He feels like quiet, stronger…
The hum? Lyrium?
"How do you know that?" She asked.
"I could hear his thoughts when you were together," He lifted his head.
"Cole, were you hiding in Solas's rotunda?" Lara asked exasperated. As much as she tried to discuss boundaries with Cole, his need to help always prevailed.
"Solas said I can hide there when the hurt is too much for me," He answered softly.
"And Cullen's hurt wasn't strong?"
"At first. Then you came, and he was quiet. You always make him quiet. He feels stronger when you are with him. Like he can bear it," Cole answered looking out to the crowd.
She could feel her heart constricting at Cole's insights. Loss gripped her as she missed his presence but knew this would only set him backwards the longer he stayed. The more she processed his words, the more she tied it to his lyrium withdrawals. It was the only thing that made sense and pride bloomed in her chest that she was able to help him overcome it. That she could give a big fuck you to the Order by aiding a Templar in cutting ties with them. By her starting a college for mages and a rehabilitation center for Templars, they were changing the world together, cutting away their old lives to start over. A second chance.
"Did I help?" Cole took her away from her thoughts.
"More than you realize, Cole. Thank you," She smiled at him and gave him a hug.
He seemed uncomfortable but was happy to have helped.
—-
Time escaped her and she was beginning to worry too much time had elapsed from Cullen's words to now. Her feet ached in her heels and her body felt off balance with the amount of twirling and waltzing she had done and decided she had enough now. Tonight's events had drained her and she was ready to wash off the grime from the evening. All she craved were strong arms, scarred skin, and oakmoss and elderflower. All she craved was him. She made her way to her two female advisors to make her departure formal.
"Any chances of a possible suitor?" Leliana asked curiously as she approached.
Josephine watched eagerly.
"Only the ex-Templar in his office," She answered as she excused herself.
Josephine swooned while Leliana smirked knowingly.
She departed from the Hall while she could feel every man's gaze burning a hole into her as they watched her leave, wondering if she would pick one of them tonight. She was only too happy to disappoint all of them.
—-
The night sky illuminates over Skyhold, leaving Lara mesmerized. How many nights she spent looking at the stars, connecting them together, wondering what mysteries lay beyond them. The Veil, the Fade. The night sky was too powerful to let them wreak havoc on the world. A cool breeze soothed Lara and immediately she felt refreshed, rejuvenated. It slowly wiped the tension away from her body but did nothing to rid the dirt that clung to her from the festivities.
She continued on to Cullen's office, taking in the fresh air and the surroundings, memorizing them. She never felt more grateful for the decisions that she made; every decision that led her to this point. Tonight solidified that her old life would not have made her happy and she would've run away from it at some point. It was almost as if her parents had done her a favor. Now that she had her taste of freedom, she never wanted to let it slip through her fingers. All her decisions led her to this current decision; Cullen. Not even a trace of doubt crept in her mind that she would end up here tonight. She would choose him over and over again.
The door was left slightly ajar, an orange hue flowing from the small crack. She pushed it open and saw Cullen at his desk, shirtless, and buried in work. She watched how his muscles moved and tensed as he maneuvered, the scars on his torso glistening in the candlelight. His brow was furrowed in concentration and his hair was no longer styled, but tousled, evidence that his hands had been running through it. She closed the door behind her to catch his attention at the sound of the lock clicking. His head shot up but he relaxed when he saw her standing at the entrance.
"I believe your submission warrants an answer," Lara said.
"Does it? Enlighten me," Cullen leaned back, giving her a playful smile.
"I want you to undress me and wash off every man who touched me tonight till there's only yours left. I only want you," Her tone was now laced with need. A need for him.
Why have I resisted him all this time…I'm only punishing myself. Gabriel was right.
His eyes darkened at her words, his expression satisfied at her answer. The spark of electricity that had always been there between them now ran a strong current in his office. The pull between them intensified as he stood and slowly made his way to her. Cullen had his answer by her being here tonight and now in so many words, she was declaring herself as his. A wild fire danced in his eyes as he held her in his gaze, and she wanted nothing more than to surrender and throw herself in it, to let it consume her.
Her fingers mindlessly trailed over each scar on his torso, caressing them, as if it held a map to his past. He stiffened at her touch letting out a groan, her fingers dancing on unsafe territory. He made no notion to stop her despite the unease it brought within him to have those memories touched. She studied each scar as her fingers traced them, memorizing every detail and wondering what story each one held. She loved the way his muscles tensed under her touch, loved knowing that this man before her was hers, flaws and all. He wasn't the man he was back then, this was his second chance. If only she could let go of the past…
"One day?" She whispered.
"One day," He said, voice strained, understanding her meaning.
She placed a kiss on one of them, earning herself another groan from Cullen. His fingers trailed to the buttons that held her sleeves to her dress and undid them. He slowly slid them off her arms, his fingers leaving goosebumps in their path. The move was slow but sensual, he was taking her in inch by inch. Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he reached behind her, finding her laces and hooked his finger through each one working each one with ease. The dress loosened around her and with a slight tug, it slid down her body and pooled at her feet leaving her in just her underwear. Her nipples pebbled at the touch of cool air and proximity to him.
"I could just burn the dress," He said huskily.
"I'd have no objection, although Josephine might have some words about that," A smile spread across her face.
He chuckled as he took her in one last time before pressing his body against hers. His erection rock hard against her stomach, she fought not to touch him unannounced after tonight's events. His hands firmly grasped the back of her thighs and lifted her up in a swift movement. She wrapped her legs and arms around him, holding onto him. He walked over to the ladder and began to ascend causing Lara to tighten her grip on him. Without realizing, she ground her hips on him causing him to groan. He placed her down gently, and began to run a bath for her.
"Not tonight," He said, his jaw clenching.
"I know, I'm sorry…"
"Don't. You're not responsible for my past," He interrupted, stopping her in her tracks.
A shiver ran down her spine and she wrapped her arms around herself, offering her protection. A silence enveloped around them as he continued making her bath. He soon undressed himself, the sight of him causing her stomach to flutter, butterflies flapping rampantly causing tingles. Maker, he was beautiful and she didn't know what she did to deserve him at her feet. This man who would do anything for her, including endure nobles laying their hands on her just for appearances. This man who sent her out into danger knowing her purpose even if it killed him to do so. This man who let her have the world even though in his office, she was his to command. He caught her gaze, a faint smile playing on his lips, and held out a hand for her to join him. She always was pulled towards him. Sliding off her underwear, she joined him.
"Ahhh," She sighed as the warm water soothed her.
A soft groan from Cullen in response to her sigh.
She went to reach for the soap but his hand wrapped firm around her wrist.
"I believe I was the one to wash you, Inquisitor," His voice was low and sultry in her ear.
"Apologies Commander," She responded, playfully.
He lathered her with soap, his calloused hands brushing against her skin as he cleaned her. Lara's eyes fluttered shut at his touch, her body so responsive to him. His hands stopped at her shoulders, squeezing and massaging the tension she didn't realize she was carrying. After all, she did have the weight of the world on her shoulders. Literally. All of Thedas depended on her success and most days, it was a heavy burden to carry.
His fingers rubbed circles on her back, soothing her aching muscles as they softened under his touch. Her mind was razor focused on his fingers and how they felt, their touch sending light jolts to her core. She had to ignore it for tonight as it wasn't what Cullen needed. He needed her here, he needed her to ground him. The lightness to his dark. Safe and sound. She was his quiet. His quiet from the persistent hum of lyrium that no doubt was imprinted in his brain, heightened by his lack of it through his veins. He moved onto her hair, untying the loose updo Josephine had put her hair into for the night's festivities. It cascaded down her back and he began to undo the two braids, combing his fingers through her hair.
"Face me," He ordered.
She turned so that she faced him. Her straight glossy black hair framing her face, the ends wet with water, the strands damp with the heat from the bath. Emerald eyes locked with honey ones as he took her in.
"Maker, I only now realize I've never seen you with your hair unbraided," He murmured as he observed her.
She blushed under his gaze, as he observed every last detail on her. It was unnerving and she suddenly felt self-conscious. Suddenly, it was washed away as he poured water over her hair, and lathered her hair with shampoo. She sighed and melted into his touch as he gently massaged her scalp. A girl could get used to this. The familiar scents she found comfort in now enveloped her and she soon realized he took her words quite literally. He was washing away any lingering scents on her and replacing it with his own. Those strong emotions came rushing forward in one heavy wave and she squeezed her eyes tighter as if to calm them down. Tonight was not the time to deal with them. Cullen had his answer for now and that would suffice. It would take time for her to come around, and when she was ready, she would.
—-
Cullen requested her hair to be unbraided. With his permission, she used magic to dry her hair to save it from turning to ice in Cullen's cold room. He refused to have the roof fixed which meant the night's chill entered his room as he preferred it for when he woke up in night sweats and fever from the nightmares. He watched her magic in fascination but a small part of her couldn't help but wait for her magic to disappear, for him to silence her. It never came but she wondered if that itch was still there for him.
"You smell like mine," He murmured in her ear, causing goosebumps to cover her skin.
She was dressed in a loose tunic of his which almost fit her like a dress. She had giggled at how ridiculous she looked but Cullen only gave her a look of admiration seeing her in his clothes.
"I also look like yours," She flapped her arms in his tunic.
Cullen laughed, "I believe that was your request."
The sound of his laugh woke up the butterflies again as she felt the swoop in her stomach. Hearing him be carefree even if only for a second was so foreign yet it had such an effect on her. Unable to hold it any longer, she let out a loud yawn as her body sagged.
"Bed. Now," He commanded.
"Is that any way to speak to your Inquisitor?" She mumbled as she crawled into bed.
"I told you, out there you may be Inquisitor. In here, you're mine," He answered.
"So…bossy. Yes…sir," She forced the words out as her eyes felt heavy as soon as she laid down.
She felt the bed dip with his weight as he climbed in next to her. Strong arms enveloped her, his body heat soothing her. A light kiss pressed on her forehead was the last thing she felt before sleep overtook her.
"Sleep, my love," He whispered to her, while running his fingers through her hair as she slept.
