Happy Monday everyone!

This chapter is the start of the darker chapters and there are a few more after this until we're out of the Deep Roads. Personally, I don't believe Lara would have handled the Deep Roads well. Despite her past, she has been sheltered and kept away so this would come as a huge shock to her.

I also know the game couldn't touch on Cullen's withdrawals all too much but I know it was a constant battle and one that plays a part in their relationship so I've incorporated that as well.

TW: Nightmares/flashbacks, anxiety, and vomiting.
Mental health comes first so feel free to skip any parts that might be triggering for you x

Thank you so much for all the love so far. It means the world to me!

—-

Chapter 40:

The armor she wore weighed on her physically as the Deep Roads weighed on her mentally. Any more weight and she would suffocate under it. Her hair was freshly braided, the now dried flowers from Gabriel laced in between. It was the only light she could allow in. To stop everything from swallowing her whole. Cullen had already departed with the first round of men who would already be stationed down below waiting for her arrival. There was one stop she needed to make before she set off with her party and the soldiers who would accompany her.

"You're sure you have all you need?" Lara asked Solas, running through the tonics and supplies Solas had gathered.

"Yes. Adan has all the ingredients to brew more if needed. You're sensing another withdrawal?" Solas studied her.

"I don't know…I hope not….but…" Lara trailed off.

"Intuition?" Solas answered.

Lara looked at him and nodded, swallowing hard. He wasn't admitting to his symptoms but Lara didn't miss the way he gripped his elfroot tea the other day. The winces he would make when he thought she wasn't looking. The way his legs staggered for a brief second. She knew all too well when he was on the edge of stumbling into another fit of withdrawals and she didn't know what the Deep Roads would trigger in him.

"Leave it with me, lethallan. I will keep watch over him. If it comes to it, I will heal him," Solas placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I can't take you with me but you're the only one I trust with him besides Cassandra but she doesn't have magic to aid him," Lara turned to face him.

"I understand. You know by now how to find me in the Fade. I will be there if you need me," Solas offered her a warm smile.

"What if I can't from down below?" Lara whispered.

"You can. Focus on my instructions and you will succeed," Solas reassured her.

Lara sighed and gently leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him. The elf returned her hug, used to her display of affection. If it bothered him, he showed no signs of it.

"You have bravely mastered the Fade in physical form. I have no doubts you will master the Deep Roads, too," Solas spoke.

Lara nodded against his chest, but couldn't respond. Dread was filling every crevice in her body, protesting against her leaving the safety of the rotunda. Eventually she let go of him and walked towards that door, walking to her fate and the pure hell that awaited her down below.

—-

The stones around them shone as dark as the inside of her mind. Rain showered them from the opening above, offering what little slice of natural light Lara would see for the foreseeable future. Harding awaited them at what looked like the lift her troops had built, offering her passage. Lara's heart raced, her palms clammy. This was it. No going back.

"Inquisitor. Here is the lift that will take you down to the Deep Roads. No darkspawn trouble yet, but the earthquakes have been brutal," Harding greeted her.

"There is supposed to be a Shaper Valta here?" Lara asked, trying to hide the shake in her voice.

"Yes, she's waiting below. You won't see an Orzammar dwarf on the surface. They have rules about that," Harding informed.

Lara nodded. It was all she could manage.

"I should also tell you that some of the lyrium mines have been damaged. You'll see when you go down. The other ones are barely holding together," Harding continued.

Lara's heart stopped. Lyrium mines? She must've missed that somewhere in the reports or Cullen was cleverly keeping that piece of information hidden from her, knowing she would protest since he was already on a slippery slope. The walls were closing in on her, she was running out of air. She clutched onto Dorian who gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as if he could read her mind.

"The lift is ready for you," Harding called out.

She could barely process the words. Dorian guided her towards the lift. Her surroundings were a haze, the rain a refreshing touch to her sweaty and clammy skin. Cullen was near lyrium mines. He had to have known they were there.

"Vishante Kaffas!" Dorian hissed.

"Scared of heights?" Blackwall asked.

"I'm usually not but this is the lift they built? Are we suddenly out of funds that we couldn't have a barricade of some sort?" Dorian snapped.

"Stay close to me, big guy. I won't let you fall," Bull winked at him.

Lara would've laughed, would've swooned at the banter between them. But now, nothing. She was empty save for the panic that was coursing through her. The wobble of the lift barely registered in her mind. Cullen. Lyrium. Withdrawals. Curse her intuition. She could've sworn she heard Harding speak but the words were fuzzy. A shake of the lift, a clattering noise, and they began their descent. Lara felt the swoosh in her stomach causing her heart to race. She gripped onto Dorian as she gasped, struggling to breath.

"My dear, I have nothing to say that will console you except I'm here in this nightmare with you," Dorian spoke softly.

"What's the matter, Boss?" Bull asked.

"She's panicking," Dorian answered.

"Close your eyes. Breathe," Blackwall ordered, his voice booming.

Lara followed blindly, breathing out forcefully in attempts to settle her racing heart, her body. The more she breathed, the more she was feeding her nausea.

Cullen…lyrium…the Song…

"Again. Breathe," Blackwall ordered, his voice echoing around them.

Tears pricked her eyes, her body trembling as she shakily let out another breath. Dorian didn't loosen his grip, trying to keep her with him. She could feel the light slowly dissipate as the chill from below seeped into her armor. As the light faded, the darkness in her mind grew. Images of Cullen in his tent in the Emprise when he was entranced by the red lyrium consumed her. Images of Cullen taking lyrium were being created in her mind. What it looked like, what power it gave him.

No no no…stop…

"Focus on your breathing. In and out. Count them," Blackwall continued.

One breath in. Another breath out. A second breath in. Another breath out. Each breath taking her further down into the depths of what awaited below. She didn't dare open her eyes.

—-

Lara had to open her eyes as she shakily stepped off the lift. Darkness and stone greeted her along with the stench of dead bodies. The urge of vomiting hit her hard and fast as she leaned over and emptied out her stomach.

"Well, better out than in I suppose," Dorian commented as he leaned over to rub her back.

"Not in this case. Whatever awaits us here isn't going to be fucking good. She needs her strength," Bull shook his head.

"The soldiers must be camped somewhere near. We can find her some rations or maybe even a tonic," Blackwall offered.

Lara heaved until nothing else came out. This was the supposed Inquisitor, panicking and vomiting before an intense battle. How she was going to manage taking on Corypheus was beyond her at this point.

"You must be the Shaper Valta, I take it?" Dorian asked.

Lara lifted her head, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. Her mind was so lost, she didn't have it in her to be embarrassed.

"Atrast Vala, Inquisitor. The Shaperate welcomes you to the Deep Roads," The Shaper greeted her.

Lara stood up, steadying herself, not letting go of Dorian. She had no clue what she would do without him. She was right that she needed him to survive. They needed each other to survive it seemed. Dorian had hated the idea of going, but he hated the idea of her going alone without him even more.

"Why Shaper? Is that your…title?" Lara managed to ask between breaths. It was the only sentence she could form for now.

"As Shapers, we chronicle the life and time of our people," She answered.

"You're historians?" Lara asked.

"Also scholars and genealogists. Shapers preserve knowledge in the Memories. An archive in Orzammar. We record memories in lyrium to ensure they never fade. We must be meticulous in every detail," She continued.

The mere mention of lyrium made her heart drop as she remembered Cullen. That word alone summoned the darkness in her mind.

"How many dwarves have you lost?" Blackwall asked.

"More than we can count. The mining caste has suffered greatly. Our situation has worsened since we last contacted Skyhold," Valta answered.

She stopped suddenly as a tremor shook the ground they stood on. Fear gripped her. The tremors would only be worse the further down they went. Who knew what else lurked down below.

"The quakes collapsed this mine and shattered a seal keeping the darkspawn at bay," She continued.

Lara's knees buckled at the mention of darkspawn. They were here. They were unleashed. They were waiting for her. That same panic took hold of her as her heart raced, her skin turning clammy again.

"The Legion of the Dead haven't been able to mend the broken seal–and we can't afford to lose any more lyrium," She finished with a sigh.

Another tremor took hold, this one stronger than the last. The rumble sounded out any whispers or noises from down below. The ground below them shaking, causing their footing to be unsteady. Rocks tumbled down from up above at the quake. In a second she felt her body being shoved out of the way causing her to fall, bringing Dorian down with her. A loud slam rang in her ears as a rock landed and cracked where she once stood.

"Apologies for pushing you," Valta spoke, extending a hand to help her up.

"We need to go to the Legion Camp now," Her words were firm.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

—-

"I will never get used to the stench of darkspawn. They corrupt everything, even the air," Valta spoke as they descended into the camp.

It was a scent that she couldn't erase from her mind once it overpowered her. The stench of blood, death, rotten flesh, corruption…it did nothing to ease the nausea that took hold of her earlier. Seeing them in the flesh was looking into death itself. The blackness that leaked from their eyes and mouth. The screeches that imprinted in her mind. Her body froze, her panic rooted her in place. Blackwall had grabbed her from where she stood, carrying her with him as he sliced his axe through whichever darkspawn came too close.

"With me, my lady," He spoke to her softly but his expression was laced with concern.

All Lara could manage was a shield around her and Blackwall as he battled his way through the camp. The other dwarves, the Legion of the Dead Lara assumed, fought tirelessly trying to rid the area of the darkspawn that crawled out of the now open tunnel. Blood and taint covered the floors around them. Screeches and squelches of blood cutting flesh echoed throughout. Lara could only stare as if she was watching this from the outside. Watching the actions happen before her rather than actually experiencing them. Blackwall held her close the entire time.

Before she realized, Blackwall was fleeing with her, covering both himself and her behind a fallen stone. An explosion. Then cheering. For what, Lara had no idea. Inquisition soldiers were also there celebrating. When they arrived here, Lara had no idea either. She crawled to the other side of the stone and again heaved up whatever was left of her stomach. She could've sworn her vomit was tainted.

"Lass, you alright?" Rylen's voice called from behind her, his hand on her back.

She couldn't even answer. Not when she didn't have a grasp on reality.

—-

The state of her was not what he expected. A girl so powerful, so strong…reduced to shock and vomit. He knew that state. That expression. He had seen it on his men before. The last person he ever expected to see it on was Lara. He strode quickly to Dorian once Lara was fine to sit down. She only stared at him with a blank expression that did not ease his mind.

"What's the matter with her?" Rylen asked abruptly.

"Aren't you ever the gentleman? She's in shock if it didn't occur to you," Dorian glared at him.

"She needs to be here with us. She won't survive down there like that," Rylen shook his head.

"If only it were so easy to snap her out of it. Let me wave around my staff and see what happens," Dorian retorted sarcastically.

Rylen let out a sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. He shouldn't be annoyed but they made a promise to their cry for help. Backing out of this operation wasn't an option. Was it Cullen she was worried about? All that was reported to him was Cullen being sent back to Skyhold immediately. The immediate part was what he didn't like. He had scolded Cullen numerous times for even wanting to go down here with lyrium mines.

"Tell me this. Is the Commander on his way back to Skyhold? That may at least ease her mind," Dorian sighed.

"Aye, he is. I have the report," Rylen nodded.

"And was it his idea or yours to omit from Lara there were active lyrium mines down here?" Dorian cocked an eyebrow.

Rylen cursed under his breath.

Cullen didn't fucking tell her…

"He didn't tell her?" Rylen studied him.

"No. Imagine her surprise when Harding mentioned the lyrium mines to her. That is what sent her into a panic," Dorian scolded him.

"Fuck," Rylen spat, shaking his head.

"He was trying to protect her," Rylen continued.

He didn't always agree with Cullen's methods but he knew his intentions. Protecting her was his number one priority, even at his own expense. There were better ways, but Rylen knew how stubborn Cullen was. How hard it was to get through to him sometimes.

"She doesn't need protecting," Dorian hissed.

"Have you seen her?" Rylen nearly shouted, pointing in her direction.

"Yes, thank you very much, and she is like that because you kept that hidden from her," Dorian raised his voice.

Silence. Rylen began pacing, muttering to himself. Answers. He needed answers that he didn't have. Was Cullen alright? Was he affected by the lyrium? Deep down, he hoped not. He knew that each withdrawal was another risk to his life. His cutting out lyrium altogether could kill him. For Lara's sake, he really hoped he wasn't relapsing.

"You had better hope that man is returning to Skyhold in one piece or you will be to blame as well," Dorian warned him as he departed.

Rylen couldn't answer even if he so desperately wanted to fight back. Truth was, he didn't know in what state Cullen was returning back to Skyhold. He watched as Dorian took a seat next to her. That same vacant stare never left her. Cursing, he found one of his trusted soldiers. Someone he knew.

"Lad, I need a favor between you and me," Rylen checked to make sure no one was listening.

"Yes, sir," The soldier nodded.

"I need you to get word on the Commander. He was taken back to Skyhold immediately. I need to know why and fast," Rylen stressed the urgency.

"At once, sir," The soldier saluted and made haste.

Somehow he was always in the middle of tensions between Lara and Cullen. And he always was getting it wrong, always missing some key piece of information. He tried not to meddle in but maybe he should meddle more if he was to deal with the repercussions.

—-

"Your dashing Commander is on his way to Skyhold. Rylen confirmed it," Dorian spoke softly.

The words took so long to process. So long to understand its meaning. Everything around her was happening in slow motion.

Cullen is going back to Skyhold…he kept his promise…

It wasn't enough to rid her body of shock. Lyrium, darkspawn, tremors, stone, darkness. It was all that occupied her mind. Any fight in her escaped. All that training…for nothing. Now when she was needed, she was nowhere to be found, hidden in a state of panic.

Another tremor, this one more intense than the last. Dorian grabbed her, taking her further into the camp, sheltering them both for cover. She let her body be dragged, no longer feeling any control over it. Rylen was soon by their side ensuring her safety. A small hum amidst the tremor spoke to her. She swore she was imagining it, none of this being real. Was a living thing creating these tremors, trying to break free from wherever it was contained?

"You heard that, yes? The rhythm in the tremors? It's clearer, stronger. More insistent," Valta spoke, almost excited.

"I hear it. Doesn't prove a thing," Lieutenant Renn spoke up.

"I didn't hear anything," Dorian shook his head.

"I did. A hum," Lara's voice was hoarse, a cracked whisper.

Dorian turned to her, eyeing her wearily. That same look of concern Blackwall gave her, was now etched on Dorian's face.

"These quakes are not a natural disaster. They're deliberate. There's an intelligence behind them!" Valta nearly smiled.

Renn let out a sigh, shaking his head.

"Here we go…" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I found an ancient text during an expedition with Renn last year. At first, it was just a curiosity. But now…the text describes giant creatures–called "Titans"–lying deep underground. They sing in the stone, shaping it. When these quakes began, I believe we heard that rhythm. I believe a Titan is causing all this destruction," Valta explained.

"You speak of the stone like it's more than walls" Dorian noted.

"The stone is eternal. She was here before us and remains after we die," Valta answered.

"But the stone isn't your god?" Dorian continued.

Lara appreciated how he filled in for her. Getting all the information she needed when she lacked the capacity to do so herself. She was eternally grateful for him.

"We don't worship her, but we do respect and honor her," Renn answered.

"The stone makes us strong and we return that strength to her when we die. It's difficult to express in words," Valta added on.

The only way out was through it seemed. Through the Deep Roads itself. Through the source of the quakes. To a possible Titan or whatever it was that lurked down below.

—-

The cruel stench of darkspawn clung to every pore in her body the further down they ventured. Each descent seemed to be another layer of hell. The ancient gears she had collected were fascinating but not enough of a distraction to pull her into the here and now. There were different types of darkspawn it seemed, each having different origins. The worst of it being the ogres and genlocks they just finished destroying. Lara's body had betrayed her and all she could manage was upkeeping the shield at all times. When it was needed most, she was able to unleash her rift magic giving them enough time to get rid of them and seal up any holes. The energy it consumed from her was frightening.

The sights of dwarven bodies defiled by darkspawn would be forever ingrained in her mind. Renn had deemed their bodies would only weaken the stone, taint it. The best solution was to burn them. Lara didn't dare watch bodies being burned. She had seen enough and that fragile thread her sanity was hanging on would snap soon enough.

Camps were being set up by Inquisition soldiers. The location was Heidrun Thaig, but it meant little to her. It was merely just another layer of hell. Rations were being provided, with Rylen handing Lara two of them. She eyed it and eyed him as well, her expression still blank.

"You've puked up enough, lass. You need your strength," Rylen spoke, hand still stretched towards her.

Dorian stepped in, taking the rations from Rylen.

"I'll take it from here," Was all he said.

Rylen left them to it while Dorian prepared the food for her. It smelled like taint. Everything did. She couldn't erase it nor could she stomach anything. Food was held up to her face, with a very impatient Dorian in her view.

"You can eat it or I can force it down your throat. Take your pick," He narrowed his eyes.

Bracing herself, she opened her mouth slightly. Dorian wasted no time in shoving the food in her mouth, not giving her a chance to back away. Nausea curled in her stomach at the intrusion. Everything was defiled. Down in these depths, she wasn't safe. There was nothing to protect her except Dorian but he had himself to worry about. How she would even sleep was beyond her.

By some miracle, she managed a few bites but couldn't anymore without gagging. Dorian sighed, but didn't push her any further. It was better than nothing.

"There's a bath for you. Granted, it's not the luxury we're used to but it will have to do. At least Josephine organized that much. Would you like me to help you?" Dorian offered.

Lara nodded, appreciating the help. She ignored Rylen's watchful eye as Dorian entered her tent, with Blackwall keeping watch out front while he helped her. Surely Rylen knew Dorian's preferences by now. She could tell by Dorian's gentleness that he too was affected by what he saw. It was obvious in his mood, his actions, his expressions but he was holding it together for her. She waited for the pang of guilt to hit….nothing. Emptiness was the only response.

—-

"Inquisitor, we have the reports you requested in Skyhold on darkspawn. All the information you need is here," A scout saluted her, laying the scrolls on the table.

"Thank you," Dorian acknowledged.

The scout took that as his queue to leave and left them alone. The second he was gone, Rylen entered her tent. He noticed the additional bedroll and his eyes darted between the two of them. Lara didn't have it in her to fight but Dorian caught on quickly.

"There is more chance of me having sex with you than there is with her, if that's your concern," Dorian spoke, annoyed.

"Aye…Cullen might've mentioned something," Rylen scratched his beard awkwardly, trying to hide his blush.

"Then he also might've mentioned she suffers from nightmares and since I am the only one here least likely to want in her pants, I am the best option to keep an eye on her at night," Dorian finished.

"Aye, alright. You've made your bloody point. Anything I can get you, lass?" Rylen asked her.

Lara shook her head no as her body shook from a shiver that ran down her spine.

"More blankets," Rylen noted and left.

Dorian shook his head, preparing both their beds. Lara eyed the scrolls unsure if it was something she should read before bed considering the horrors she just witnessed. She had requested whatever knowledge on darkspawn she could get; how they are created, where do they come from, what their presence means. For now, it was best to leave them untouched. Rylen returned promptly with some additional blankets for them.

Lara slowly laid down, trying to shut her eyes but all she could hear were the screeches of the darkspawn ringing in her ears as if they were right next to her.

—-

Voices echoed around him; screams and shouts making themselves known but the words weren't clear. Madness, chaos, mayhem surrounded him. His friends, his fellow templars, were running for their lives screaming as abominations took over Kinloch Hold. They were ambushed. A cold sweat formed on his skin as he tried to maneuver his way to safety. His body thrashed around in response.

Hands were soon on him. Gripping him, pinning him. He could barely register that they were the hands of his own men; Inquisition soldiers. In his mind, they were demons. The demons had finally taken him and were dragging him back to that cell. That cell he dreaded with every fiber of his being. That cell that contained his worst nightmare where he was first deprived of lyrium. His body fought to wrangle out of their grip, to run and find Lara.

Somewhere, she was here. He had to warn her. Stop her from turning into an abomination before he lost her altogether. He swore to keep her safe and he would fulfill that promise to her even if he was on his last dying breath. Panic began to rise in his throat as he was dragged closer to that cell. Further away from her. He couldn't loosen the grip that pierced into him..

"Lara!" His voice croaked as he thrashed around.

His only answer was the welcoming creak of a gate. His cell. He was too late. The demons had taken him and now they were going to have their way with him. Torture him with what he desired but couldn't have. He had failed her. She had become an abomination, a demon. He let his own lover be taken by blood magic and now he was facing his punishment.

He vomited his guts out causing the Inquisition soldiers to abruptly turn him on his side so he didn't choke.

—-

Lara and her party were maneuvering the maze of the Deep Roads, their descent only leading to more and more darkspawn that awaited them. The stench of rotten meat and blood filling their nostrils. It was impossible to smell anything else. Lara avoided any taint that spewed her way. Everyone kept their mouth shut, no one wanting their tainted body to be burned alive from sickness. Her shield was powerful, a sickly green hue just like her Anchor, encasing them in safety if that were even such a thing in a place like this.

She lept on a ledge trying to avoid them and ran. Ran as fast as she could down the narrow path. Her breathing was sharp as fear consumed her, her only focus was the next room at the end of the tunnel. She soon stopped in her tracks. She was in the same room as before, only her party was no longer there. Dorian nowhere to be found. She searched and searched until she spotted covered bodies on the floor. Her heart raced as her blood ran cold, taking cautious steps towards one of the covered bodies. Her fingers trembled on the sheet before lifting it only to find Dorian's body tainted from the darkspawn. Dead.

Her scream echoed around her as she jumped back and fell to the floor. Crawling as fast as she could, she scrambled to her feet. Screeches erupted behind her. They found her. She ran and ran, taking deep inhales and exhales. Whether she wanted to cry or vomit or both, she was unsure. She hid behind a corner, trying not to heave. Not to give herself away again. They were running towards something, but not towards her. Curious, she crouched and made her way to where they gathered. They had found someone. What she saw when she turned the corner made her heart freefall into her stomach, that nausea from earlier consuming her. Bile formed in her mouth.

Cullen. They had found Cullen.

She tried to scream but no sounds came out. Her Anchor didn't ignite. Shock. Her body was succumbing to shock. She was forcing herself to run but she was hardly moving. Slow. Too damn slow. Why wasn't she running fast enough? Why wouldn't it ignite? Her legs were failing her. She was still nearly in the same place. The darkspawn were tainting him, destroying him, corrupting his body. Finally her feet gathered speed as she neared him, the darkspawn spreading out, running into various corners. They had their fill.

Cullen laid there, all color drained from his face, black taint leaking out from his eyes, mouth, and nose. Red lyrium pouring out of his body, his body laying in a puddle of it.

"Why…" Was all he whispered, and then he was still.

Dead.

Then her screams erupted.

—-

"Bucket! Bucket!" Dorian called out to her.

Lara heaved as her body shook awake. She could've sworn she heard herself scream but she wasn't sure if it was in her dream or she had actually screamed. It had all felt too real. Dorian soon grabbed her, helping her off the bed to hover over the bucket. That very same second, Lara vomited whatever was left inside her stomach. It kept coming and wouldn't stop. Each heave took so much strength. Her body was left shaking; it was too weak.

Dorian rubbed her back as she emptied her stomach into the bucket. The gesture meant more than she could ever say. Tears streamed down her cheeks and finally her heaves turned into sobs as she fell to the floor, away from the offending bucket. The tears came and they wouldn't stop as she sobbed and sobbed. In the distance, her tent swayed open, footsteps making their way over to her.

"A nightmare," Dorian spoke.

"Aye, I gathered," Rylen answered, trying to catch his breath.

Strong arms soon wrapped around her as she cried. It was Rylen. She didn't bother to face him or say anything to him. All she could do was cry in his arms. There was no other way to cope with everything.

—-

Rylen cursed under his breath as he paced. Blackwall volunteered to stay with Lara in her tent while he talked with Dorian. He could feel the necromancer burning an intense hole through him. He knew what it was about and it wasn't to be discussed in front of Lara. The chilling scream Lara made whilst calling out for Cullen sent a shiver down his spine. He wasn't likely to forget that sound anytime soon. It also didn't put his mind at rest as to what state Cullen was in given the strong intuition she had. They hadn't received a response yet which also did nothing to ease him. No news was usually good news but Rylen had a feeling this wasn't the case.

"She is not coping well," A voice drawled behind him.

"No shit," Rylen snapped, scratching along his jaw.

Dorian only narrowed his eyes at him.

"I pray you know what state he's returned to Skyhold in," He answered.

"I dunno," Rylen replied, looking away into the darkness that lay ahead of them.

"That will not do," Dorian crossed his arms over his chest.

"I inquired about it. We haven't received a response," Rylen sighed.

"You and I both already know the answer. I suspect she does as well," Dorian answered.

Rylen never understood intuition. He only survived on knowledge, rules, and training. Now for the first time, that unfamiliar nudge he was experiencing…that was his intuition poking through. It was telling him that something was wrong with Cullen. He couldn't explain it but he could feel it. Was this truly what Lara felt? He was starting to understand the panic it caused her. The unease, the uncertainty. He had no response for the necromancer.

"We can't abandon this mission. Not when we've promised them. Not when we're the only ones who came to their aid. We can't leave them now. Not like this," Rylen said fiercely.

"You soldiers and your duty. Maker forbid anything should intervene. She will only get worse the longer we stay here," Dorian shook his head.

"Give her time," Was all Rylen said.

Dorian muttered under his breath making his way to Lara's tent. His footsteps were loud and heavy, conveying his annoyance to those around him. Rylen scrubbed a hand over his beard again, sighing loudly. Was he pushing her too far? Would she only get worse? He wasn't entirely sure as he didn't understand mages all too well, but he was taught not to. He mentally cursed the Order. Too many thoughts were rushing in his mind at once, which meant he was unlikely to get much sleep for the rest of the night. He walked over to a soldier who was on watch duty.

"You're excused, lad. Get some rest," Rylen patted him on the shoulder.

"You sure, sir? My time isn't up," The soldier hesitated.

"Aye. I'm awake now. I'll take watch for you. Dismissed," Rylen nodded.

The soldier saluted him and made his way to the tents. At least in the quiet of the Roads, he could try and organize his thoughts. Try and make a plan for the next week. Try and figure out what he was going to do about Lara. He only prayed that Skyhold would have good news for him, even if his intuition was telling him otherwise.

—-

"Solas, you must come at once!" Cassandra threw the door open to his rotunda in a panic.

The elf merely looked up at her unconcerned. He preferred his place to be peaceful, especially now that the Tevinter upstairs who incessantly annoyed him was gone for some time. But he already knew what Cassandra needed him for. He had sensed it as much as Lara had.

"The Commander is here?" He asked, returning to his book.

"Yes! Don't just sit there! He is ill. I cannot heal him," Cassandra was now across from him.

With a sigh, he rose from his seat and began to gather the tonics he needed.

"You're prepared?" Cassandra eyed him suspiciously.

"What plagues him?" He ignored her question.

Cassandra was silent for a second. Watching him. Studying him.

"The Inquisitor asked you to be prepared, didn't she?" Cassandra pressed on.

"She has a keen sense of intuition. Whether it is her own or because of the mark she carries, I know not. Either way, she suspected this would happen. He doesn't always tell her when he has symptoms but she sensed it all the same. The way he staggers at times, the way he grips his tea, when he winces in pain…she notices," Solas explained.

Cassandra sighed, shaking her head.

"Cullen doesn't like to make his suffering known but it will kill him one day if he doesn't," Cassandra's voice softened.

"Now is not the time to discuss his stubbornness. His symptoms, please," Solas pressed on.

"I've never seen his withdrawals this serious. I'm not even sure if he's conscious. Fever, sweats, chills, vomiting. The soldiers said he was having nightmares on the way here. He was trying to fight out of their grip," Cassandra listed.

"It might be flashbacks more than nightmares," Solas spoke, gathering what he needed.

Once ready, Solas calmly made his way out of the rotunda with Cassandra joining him by his side, leading him to the newly built infirmary Skyhold offered. Cassandra explained he was kept in a separate area, away from any other ex-Templars trying to cut off their lyrium intake so as not to scare them.

Solas soon understood why upon seeing the state of the Commander. He was soaked in sweat, his body writhing around in the bed, most likely from the pain and wherever it was that his mind was taking him. His skin was pale, paler than normal, making the veins that ran through his body more prominent. The stench of vomit still clung to the clothes Cullen wore.

"Please do as Solas says. He will be healing him," Cassandra spoke to the soldiers.

They eyed the elf warily. Magic still made some of the soldiers uncomfortable. Cullen was one of them and it was their call of duty to protect him.

"Hold him down. He needs to take this," Solas ignored their stares and showed them the tonic.

They hesitated but one icy cold stare from Cassandra immediately made them jump to holding the Commander down. The second their hands were on him, Cullen jolted as he tried to fight his way out of their grip. Whatever energy he could muster, he used, the bed rattling underneath his attempts. His cries were hoarse. It was definitely flashbacks he was having, not nightmares. Solas wasted no time in forcing his mouth open and pouring the tonic down his throat in portions until the vial was empty.

"A moment please. Cassandra, you can stay if you wish," Solas still watched Cullen.

Magic. He needed magic to help him, to aid him. He was too far gone in his withdrawals to rely on tonics alone. Cassandra ushered the soldiers out. Last thing they needed was for one of them to silence him since he was Cullen's only hope at the moment. Cassandra returned once the soldiers were out, already illuminated by the hue of Solas's magic as his hands hovered over the Commander. His writhing slowed down as the magic hummed around him. Cassandra let out a sigh of near relief.

"He won't improve overnight but it is enough for now," Solas spoke once he was finished.

"How long will he last like this?" Cassandra asked, her eyes on Cullen.

"I can't say. I may need to survey him from the Fade. See if I can get a glimpse of what is in his mind," Solas answered.

Cassandra was quiet. Concern was apparent on her face as she studied Cullen.

"Lara needs to know about this," Solas continued.

"I'm not sure that is a good idea right now," Cassandra shook her head.

"You mean to keep this from her? Even if something happens to him?" Solas narrowed his eyes.

Cassandra turned her head to him quickly.

"The scouts reported that she isn't doing well either. This news would only devastate her further," Cassandra snapped.

"Regardless of her situation, she needs to know. He is her lover after all. She would never forgive you if he didn't make it," Solas threatened.

"Do you believe he won't make it?" Cassandra's eyes widened.

"I am not sure. I still require more insight into his state," Solas replied.

"I will tell her then," Cassandra looked away, back at Cullen.

Solas wasn't convinced but he would give her the benefit of the doubt. Allow her time to do the right thing. If she didn't, then he would have to contact Lara himself. Solas knew from Dorian that if Cullen's symptoms were severe enough one day, it could outright kill him. He just hoped that Cullen would still make it in the meantime. That he wouldn't be too late in telling her.