Chapter 392 – Struggling to Accept Things

Gran went to the library and closed the door. She took a seat and looked at Frank.

"So what do you want to know?" Gran asked.

"First, why do you say no to Sherri and Hannah?" Frank asked.

"While they are both lovely ladies." Gran said. "I just don't think they will be a good match. Sherri is big on horses. I mean if you want to get to know her, that is fine. I am just letting you know. She will not be one to go help with horses. She is very much a city girl. Her family moved here from Buffalo."

"Okay." Frank said. "I can see why you said no. I would still like to get to know her, maybe just as friends."

"That is your choice." Gran said. "Just don't give her the wrong idea."

"I won't." Frank said. "So what about Hannah?"

"Again, a lovely lady." Gran said. "But her brother is the main trainer over at Sugar Creek. I just don't see him liking that his sister is going out with someone from Coal Creek. There has been a long rivalry between the two ranches for years. I don't want to get into what happened, but it has gotten ugly over the years and while we attend each other's shows, we try not to generally mix otherwise."

"Oh." Frank said.

"Again, I am not telling you that you can't try." Gran said. "But I think you are going to face a lot of issues if you do."

"Understand." Frank said. "Tell me a little about Shawna."

"I don't know much about her." Gran said. "I know that she is a vet tech and maybe going to vet school in the future."

"Oh." Frank said. "I thought she was a bit older than that."

"She is." Gran said. "She originally went to school for business and got an MBA. She worked in the city for a few years and then came home when her dad got sick. They have a small hobby farm and board a few horses on the other side of Saratoga. When she came home, she got her vet tech certificate to help bring in some money. I have heard her talk at various functions about wanting to go to vet school, but is saving money right now."

"How is her dad?" Frank asked.

"He is slowly recovering." Gran said. "It was some kind of cancer. We have had a few fundraisers for the family."

"Okay." Frank said. "I think I will give her a call and see if she wants to go out on a date."

"Very good." Gran said. "Just be understanding and keep things real. She might be a bit hesitant, but be understanding if she asks you to come over."

"I will." Frank said. "Thank you for the advice."

"Any time." Gran said. "Let me know if you want to know anything else."

"I will." Frank said. "I take it the Flaherty family is active in Church?"

"Yes." Gran said. "Both Shawna and her mother are a part of the ladies guild and her father is a member of the Knights of Columbus."

"Okay." Frank said. "Thank you. I have thought about joining the Knights. Now that I am putting down roots, I think it is a good idea."

"Talk to Father Mark about what you need." Gran said. "At least he can direct you to the right people."

"Thank you." Frank said. "For everything. The advice and everything else."

"You are very welcome." Gran said. "Is there anything else?"

"No, thank you." Frank said.

The pair got up and headed back out to the kitchen/dining room area. The table was clear and Elizabeth and Father Mark were doing the dishes. Gran took a seat at the table and Frank went to make some tea.

"Everything okay?" James asked, looking up from the paperwork that him and Jack were going over.

"Yes." Gran said. "Frank just needed to talk to me about something."

"Okay." James said.

Frank came to sit back down.

"Water is on for tea." He said.

"Thank you." Gran said. "Want to play a game of Chinese checkers?"

"Sure." Frank said.

Frank went and got the game. He set it up and they each ended up playing two colors which was a bit more challenging, but Frank liked it. Father Mark and Elizabeth finished the dishes and joined them at the table. James and Jack continued to go over the paperwork. Overall it was a nice evening.

… … … …

When Nathan sat back down after laying Allie in bed, Doug looked at him.

"Do you want to talk?" Doug asked.

"I don't even know what to say." Nathan said. "I am trying to process all the emotions that have been brought up in the last few days."

"Okay." Doug said. "We are here if you need."

"I know and thank you." Nathan said. "Helping with Allie and making supper tonight were a huge help."

"It was no problem." Lee said. "Allie is great and we had to eat as well."

"Still." Nathan said. "Right now it is a huge thing for you guys to help me out. I know that it is not your responsibility and it was not what you signed up for."

"Of course we will help." Doug said. "If the situations were reversed, we know that you would be there for us."

"Thank you again." Nathan said. "Can we just enjoy the game? Besides, Kayla should be calling soon."

"Sure." Doug said.

The three sat there and watched the game. They bantered back and forth over different calls, ever mindful of Allie sleeping down the hall. The game was almost over when Kayla finally called.

"Hey there." Nathan said, in a more upbeat tone when he answered.

("Hey." Kayla said, the fatigue clear in her voice.)

"You sound tired." Nathan said.

("I am." Kayla said. "Long flight. Cassie has been crabby since yesterday. I stopped to get some groceries on the way home and she threw a huge tantrum in the store. I finally got her fed, bathed and in bed. I just want to crawl in bed myself. It had taken me hours to get everything put away and I still have laundry to do.")

"Then leave the laundry." Nathan said. "It can wait. And as much as I want to talk to you, I would prefer for you to get some sleep. Go take a hot shower and get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow. I am still planning on coming over with Allie."

("Thanks." Kayla said. "I wanted to let you know I was home safe.")

"Thanks." Nathan said.

("Have a good night." Kayla said.)

"Talk to you tomorrow." Nathan said. "You have a good night as well. Try to relax. You are back home and Cassie will be better."

("Thanks. Bye." Kayla said.)

Nathan hung up the phone and leaned his head back. He rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair, letting out a sigh.

"Take a deep breath." Lee said. "She let you know that she is home safe. You were right to let her sleep if she was tired."

"Thank you." Nathan said. "But it is more than that. Each time I hear her voice, the thoughts I have are not exactly gentlemanly. I was the one that asked for time to figure things out, but it is getting hard and harder by the minute."

"You are serious." Doug said.

Nathan nodded.

"While I am excited to hear her voice and can't wait to see her." Nathan said. "I am also nervous, scared and so many other things. Everything is changing and there is so much uncertainty in my life right now. I don't do well with uncertainty. My life had been flipped upside down, turned inside out and dropped a thousand miles from reality. Nothing looks like it did four months ago and everything I thought I knew has been challenged."

"What do you mean?" Lee asked.

"I don't know." Nathan said. "I just need some sleep."

Nathan didn't say anything else, but just got up and went to his room. After Nathan left, Lee turned to Doug.

"I am really worried about him." Lee said.

"I know." Doug said. "He is really worried about his sister and from what I can gather, I think he is nervous about starting a relationship. I mean think about it. I honestly don't know what happened before, but look how he reacted to Emily. While she was in the wrong, his reaction was still over the top. The only thing I can conclude is that something happened to him in the past. He admitted that he didn't have a lot of experience with women and said he never really dated."

"I would have to agree." Lee said. "I think the best thing that we can do is continue to offer to be there and try to make things as easy as possible for the time being. I know it is not what we planned, but if this summer has taught us anything, we just need to roll with things. I have a strong suspicion that if Nathan gives into his feelings, he is going to pull a Jack and be married before long. I also think that is why he is struggling. I don't think he is ready to be married, at least not until things are more settled with Colleen. At the same time, I think he is struggling with what to do with feelings that he might never have felt before.

Like Jack said, it wasn't what he planned, but when he knew Elizabeth was the one, why should they have to wait. I agree with the logic. If you know that the person is the one and you are both in agreement, there is no reason to wait just because other people don't agree with your decisions. I am not saying that either of us need to marry the first woman that we are serious about, but if I meet the right woman. I don't know if I would be able to wait either."

"I hear what you are saying." Doug said. "I agree that we need to help Nathan as much as possible. I also don't think he is used to having a lot of people around to help him, so we need to just do it and not necessarily wait until he asks. I honestly don't think he is going to ask for help much. Today was different because he had no choice."

This is not how I thought things were going to go, even a couple of weeks ago. But you are right as usual. At least jack is still just down the hall. I know that it will be different with him being married, but at least we are still going to school together."

"You are right." Lee said. "Maybe we will get lucky and find the ladies we are supposed to be with and then all four of us will be in a relationship."

"I am not looking for anyone right now." Doug said. "That said, if the right person came along and I felt as strongly as Jack does, I would definitely try to make things work."

"I am not exactly looking either." Lee said. "But I am definitely open to meeting new people. I love Nathan, Jack and you, but at the same time, I know that our lives are all changing and having other friends makes sense. I know that I will never find a group that I am as close with as I am with you guys, but still. I am hoping that meeting other people and being open to other relationships leads me to finding my soulmate."

"I guess I see your point." Doug said. "I just never really saw myself married so young. While my parents made it work, I know that it wasn't without its share of struggles. I also know that Jack and Elizabeth are going to have their struggles and it will have nothing to do with money. I just don't know any young couple that doesn't struggle as they learn to not only be adults, but also married."

"I hear what you are saying." Lee said. "But at the same time, I don't want to be left behind if both Jack and Nathan are married. Like I said, I see Nathan getting married sooner rather than later, if he gives into his feelings."

"You can't look at it like that." Doug said.

Lee took a deep breath.

"Easy for you to say." Lee said. "Girls love you. I have been on exactly four dates since I was fifteen years old. And two of them are because of you and Jack helping to arrange them. I don't exactly have women throwing themselves at me like you and Jack do."

"I don't know what to say." Doug said.

"You don't have to say anything." Lee said. "I just want you to understand that it is not easy for me. I don't have the looks like you and Jack. I don't have money like you and Jack. I don't ride like you and Jack. While I have things to offer, I am not in the same league as you and Jack."

"I hear you." Doug said. "While I don't fully understand what you have explained. It hasn't been super easy for Jack and I. We both have had to figure out if people want to be around us because they like us or they want what they think we can do for them/give them. It is hard to trust people when you have to think about those things. Just because women throw themselves at us, it doesn't mean that we wanted the attention or they were women that we would have seriously considered. I know that Jack felt the same way that I do. I think that is part of the reason that he loves Elizabeth so much. While they have a serious connection, Elizabeth honestly didn't know about the money until Jack helped her escape her parents."

"I believe you." Lee said. "She definitely seemed to struggle and be overwhelmed with the money at times. But at the same time, it was so obvious that those two were made for each other."

"I have to agree there." Doug said.

The two continued to talk and watch sportscenter for another hour and a half before also heading to their rooms for the night.

… … … …

After checking on Allie, Nathan grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom. He decided to take a long hot shower. He stood there and let the water wash over him as memories again assaulted him. He wanted to let the water wash away the memories, but it wasn't working. Nathan leaned against the wall and let the tears fall. After crying for several minutes, he ran his hand over his face. He again stood under the water to let the hot water wash over him. He tried to let it wash away his stress and anxiety. He knew that the future was uncertain, but at the moment he wondered if he would be able to deal with what was to come.

After his shower, Nathan turned on the desk lamp and pulled out his journal. He looked at the picture of Colleen and himself he kept inside the cover. As he looked at the picture, he let out a huge sigh. He knew that even if Colleen survived, she would never be the woman she was before. The last thing that Nathan wanted was for Allie to lose her mother. At the same time, Nathan knew that it might be better in the long run if Colleen was going to be unable to care for Allie. Nathan wasn't sure what was worse, losing a parent or having a parent who couldn't care for you. Either way, he knew that he was going to have to step up and figure out how to care for Allie. He knew that he wouldn't send her to be with his mother because of Archie, but at the same time, Nathan wasn't sure how he was going to handle everything.

Nathan put the picture back in its place and flipped to the next empty page. He took a deep breath and proceeded to pour out everything he was feeling onto the pages of his journal. Nathan had to stop several times as his feelings threatened to overwhelm him. When Nathan finally crawled into bed, he was exhausted and almost immediately fell asleep.

… … … …