Log in Register
Remove this ad space
If you are interested in interactive stories, check out our Quests section! With Quests, readers get to vote on what happens next after every chapter.
The thread list user interface for Creative Writing and Quests has been updated. Here's what's new!
Creative Writing
Chaldea Evil Incorporated! [An FGO/Phineas and Ferb Crossover]
Thread starter Underdog Emiya Start date Jan 20, 2024 Tags fate series (nasuverse) fate/grand order (nasuverse) phineas and ferb crossover
Created
Jan 20, 2024
Status
Ongoing
Watchers
1,833
Recent readers
1
Threadmarks
39
1
Doofenshmirtz was no stranger to getting himself in trouble, but when he gets himself into a big pickle, his best option to continue to do what he loves most is to go to work in an end of the world do-gooder company. But hey, what was the worst than it could happen? At least this Chaldea organization paid well.
Last edited: Mar 6, 2024
Threadmarks Sidestory Apocrypha Media Informational
Statistics (22 threadmarks, 260k words)
Threadmarks
Hide awards Reader mode RSS
1 - Danville's Shooting Star
Words 5.4k
Jan 20, 2024
2 - Amongst Stars
Words 5.1k
Jan 25, 2024
20 - Split Star
Words 11k
Jan 29, 2025
New
21 - Mad Star
Words 11k
Mar 2, 2025
New
22 - Shadow Star
Words 14k
Apr 5, 2025
1 of 3
Next
Last
Threadmarks
Sidestory
Apocrypha
Media
Informational
View content
Remove this ad space
Threadmarks 1 - Danville's Shooting Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Jan 20, 2024
#1
Chapter 1: Danville's Shooting Star
Olga Marie took her sixth cup of coffee for the day.
"Er, I can't recommend you having so much caffeine in your blood, ma'am…" started Romani Archaman before being shut by the glare of his employer.
"Roman…what do you mean by one of our technicians can't come?"
The orange-haired man gulped, stuttering a bit under the fierce glare of the director.
"Er…it's as I said. We went through some exams, and it turns out that man has a rare condition that triggers in cold climates - which, well…"
"He knows he's not required to leave this building at all, does he?" replied the woman, tiredly.
"We said that, but he still refused, even after we raised his salary to consider his special conditions. I'm sorry, Olga, but I don't think we can change his mind."
She put her back on the chair, feeling the headache increasing progressively.
They were in the final stretch before Chaldea could start its operations. They had nearly all the needed Masters, the staff was undergoing heavy training to supervise the rayshifts, and their equipment was the best they could muster.
And now that hiccup appeared. One of the technicians had to decline the job for health reasons.
'Health reasons…I want to see you worry about them if the world ends,' ta very stressed Olga Marie thought.
The job of the technicians was of the utmost importance. Most of the work in Chaldea was very important, but a technician's duty was twice as much. They were the ones who kept the equipment in the base in pristine condition, allowing their machinery to operate at its best state. She used all of the contacts she and her father, the late Marisbury, built through the years so they could handpick the best for Chaldea.
And now that had to happen.
"Do we still have many candidates?" she asked tiredly, yawning.
Roman nodded.
"Yes, I suppose so, but I will have to ask Human Resources for the list, so…" he touched her shoulder. "How long have you been awake, director? You look pretty tired for me."
She looked at her digital clock.
"...two days?"
Huh, she was so focused on the work that time flew.
The magus looked at Roman, his expression dead serious. For all that he was a slacker, the man was picked as the head of the medical department for a reason, she supposed.
"Yeah, decisions taken with a clouded mind will only end badly. Ask the contractors to put the list of chosen candidates on my desk before making any moves."
Roman nodded and left the office. Olga yawned before coughing and straightening herself up. Yes, perhaps closing the eyes for one or two hours in her quarter would do well to her mind.
It wasn't her intention to sleep sixteen hours.
Olga underestimated how tired she was because the daughter of Marisbury slept like a rock and would probably continue to do so if it wasn't for the intervention of one certain magus.
"Who let you enter here…as the director, I order you to go away…" grumbled the woman sleepily, looking at her visitor for a second before putting her head back on the pillow.
Then she looked at the man again and screamed, surprised.
"Kirschtaria?!"
Indeed, the sight of team A's leader slapped away all the haziness in Olga Marie's mind. He wore his exuberant white clothes, excluding the cape he used so frequently. In his hands was a stack of papers.
"Excuse me," said the future Master, bowing respectfully to his boss. "I was under the impression you were already awake. Should I…?"
The woman looked at her clothes. She didn't switch her uniform from yesterday, but now it was all rumpled.
"Yes, please," she practically begged.
The blonde man wisely left the room, leaving Olga Marie to switch her clothes for something less rumpled. Five minutes later, the girl opened the door, her face still slightly flushed.
"So, what gave you the idea of invading a lady's room, Kirschtaria Wodime?!" asked Olga Marie calmly. Not.
"It…opened automatically for me," said the future lord. "I suppose you have forgotten to keep it closed, Olga."
She opened her mouth to argue but remembered she had no recollection of configuring the door to keep closed during her sleep.
"Alright, what about entering like that in my room, eh?" She asked. "What is so important for you to come straight to me?"
The two started walking to Olga's office. Wodime passed the papers, and the Animusphere recognized what they were.
"The technician candidates?" asked the woman, confused. There were quite a few names in it. "I do not see why-"
"Ah, I suppose that I did not explain myself. Excuse me," said the man. "I'm not here to give my input. I do this on behalf of Daybit."
"Hm," grumbled Olga before processing what he said. "Wait, Daybit?"
Daybit Sem Void was a fellow member of team A along with Wodime. The two of them were why Team A was considered the best Master combination: Wodime, a man who could perform anything considered possible in magecraft, and Daybit, titled the Enfant Terrible of Clock Tower, did the impossible.
However, Olga also knew that the man was the type to keep quiet about most things for whatever reason, maybe because he occupied most of his time thinking about what century-old law of magic he would break each day.
"Why would Daybit be interested in our hires? What is he aiming for?"
"Not what. Who," corrected Wodime, pointing at one particular name in the list.
The woman read it once, then twice.
"Why?" Olga questioned.
"I also wondered about this, so I asked a few friends in the Clock Tower to look for registers and…" he took a folded paper from his pocket, passing it to his boss.
She looked at it, reading its contents. At first, her expression was scornful, but as she read the text, it became one of shock.
"Magnets? Dogs? Negative? Teleportation? Wait a second, is he responsible for those weird readings we had a while ago? The things that nearly made us think that the disaster CHALDEAS predicted happened way earlier?"
The magus shrugged.
"I'm not sure. But…the fact that a man like him has a file in the Clock Tower says much already, right?"
She blinked.
"This. You took this straight from the Clock Tower's archives?
"
Wodime nodded.
She looked at what was written with dread, then with an expression of cold determination.
"We are hiring him."
"Are you sure?" asked the blonde man. "I mean, he's not psychologically all there-"
"I am," said Olga. "We need the best of the best, and this man…he may be the best of the best. A mad genius."
She looked at the papers once again.
"Yes. I want Heinz Doofenshmirtz for Chaldea."
Heinz never thought that a platypus would have such a big poker face.
Then again, it was far from the weirdest thing he had seen.
"Alright, my nemesis…" he said dramatically, raising his finger to his archnemesis, ready to utter the sentence that would utterly shatter his game. "Do you have any twos?"
"Gyurururururu."
The mad scientist flopped back into his chair, drawing the card. Then, Perry the Platypus raised three fingers, and Doof scowled as he passed his two threes - diamond and spades - to him. Adding insult to injury, he put down the whole set of threes. Doof looked at the pile of cards, hopeful, only to realize he had drawn the last card. Four sets from Doofenshmirtz against six from Perry.
He had lost. Again. The fourth time that day.
"Ah, dammit," said the scientist, throwing his hand on the table. "I should have insisted on using the Uno deck. I am way better with that one in this game."
He glared as the platypus gave a side glance.
"Hey, hey! Don't go and act all smart here. I know my stuff!" huffed Doofenshmirtz before sighing. "Argh, I need a break. Or to make an Inator."
Yes, making an Inator would surely-
Perry chattered again, pointing at a message in the fridge. Doofenshmirtz grumbled.
"Right, right…" he said, looking at the intimation with a wince.
As it turns out, Doof was in a rough spot these days. It all started after one Inator had unforeseen consequences.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
Monogram stared neutrally at Doofenshmirtz.
"...did you just turn the governor into an elephant?"
"It was an accident! Besides, isn't that good publicity for his party?"
"He's a Democrat!"
Yeah, even Doof had to admit he went a bit overboard on that one, even more, because he did so on national television. Though he would blame Agent P this time, he's the one who pushed him against the lever of the Elephant-Inator. Though that damn peanut seller wouldn't ever know justice for the sin of selling slightly salty peanut-!
It wasn't evil, no way! How many more people were scammed by that man? For shame!
Rant aside, Heinz either had to go to jail, pay a hefty fine to compensate for the damage to the party's image, or write a contract forbidding him from creating Inators in American territory for a year. He had nearly bit the bullet and paid the fine before he realized that it would mean he would have to touch on Vanessa's university funds.
So here he was: playing Go Fish with his "parole officer," Perry the Platypus. Nothing changed in their dynamics, except there were no more battles and evil plans to frustrate: just a man and the aquatic mammal he calls his frenemy.
At least he was up for games like those, but man, Doof was bored as hell. His social life recently was also in the gutter. Well, not like it was any good before, but Vanessa was busy in school, Charlene was off-country, and he couldn't even show his face in L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N reunions because…well, what else he had to say?
Even Norm was away these days, hanging around with the animals in the park. Stupid critters that thought they were the best, taking away his assistant…
So yeah, it was only him and Perry.
Doof almost wished he had chosen to go to prison instead. Surviving in prison would be way more stimulating than being on a losing streak of Go Fish.
The agent of O.W.C.A. chattered a bit, passing the cards to the man. He huffed.
"Yes, we could fight, but what is the fun in the fight for the sake of fighting? Where is the underlying dynamic that we share? For shame, for shame, pay me fifty for suggesting such a hare-brained scheme."
From…somewhere, the platypus put a hand of fifty in the hands of the mad doctor.
"I still can't believe how well-paid you are," grumbled the mad doctor. "These days, you are more like one of these dogs that make company with other people, yet you still get paid more than I do!"
The platypus grumbled, calling a two. Doof passed the card, allowing the platypus to set his first sequence. Doof called a four, which let him pick a card from Perry's hand and play his sequence.
"Why don't I leave the country? You would think that creating machines capable of breaking nearly all laws of physics would give me credentials to get anywhere in the world, but nope! No one wants me for whatever reason."
Perry stared at the Doof with an expression that said, "Are you sure you want to make that argument?"
"Fine, I guess being an evil mad scientist doesn't do much to help my image," he admitted. "But people lack so much gravitas these days! Not even those cheesy teenage soap operas wanted me as an actor. I would be perfect for the role! See, this thing happened to me when I was young…"
Perry called for sevens.
"Give me a break! It has been a while since I had the opportunity to tell a backstory. I even had a flashback prepared and all. Fine, any tens?"
Perry pointed at the deck, from which Heinz took the final king for his sequence.
"Ugh, but telling my backstory would give me the motivation to create an Inator to screw with a theater company or something like that, which I can't do right now…Aargh, why didn't I turn the governor into a donkey: maybe this would have made things better."
The platypus wisely did not answer, asking for fives, which Doof had none of. The two spent the next few rounds playing silently until the deck only had two more cards.
Doof looked at his hand. He and Perry had four sequences each. It was all or nothing for them.
Then, as he drew the penultimate card in the deck and set the Queens on the table, he heard the buzzer.
"One second, I need to see who's at the door. Don't cheat," warned Doof.
The platypus rolled his eyes as Doof left the room and turned to his nemesis…until he hit the wall, forcing him to take his eyes off him.
He walked to the Inator room -so painfully devoid of Inators! -before going to the door. The scientist saw a paper on the ground.
"Mailman? But why would he touch the buzzer if it was to deliver a letter? Why, you little, I swear that I will make a Smell-Inator to make you smell like those sausages from cartoons so that every dog in the TRI-STATE AREA chases you!"
The doctor heard the quick footsteps and saw Perry entering the room, his muscles slightly tensed.
"Oh, don't worry," said Doof. "Just need to take out my frustrations on this stupid mailman. I bet it's propaganda…I have no interest in whatever this Coffea is selling anyway."
The mammal took the letter from his hands, then pulled a pair of reading glasses from thin air, using them to read the document. The scientist, yet again, wondered how the platypus did that trick.
"Gyurururururu."
"It's a letter from Chaldea? But I do not follow soccer! I have no game in these wobbly legs of mine! I mean, I guess two titanium arms would make an awesome goalkeeper, I think…"
The platypus shook his head.
"Wait, I was thinking about Chelsea, right? So I got nothing. What does this…Chaldea Security Organization wants to do with me, anyway? Is it about me jaywalking yesterday?"
The platypus stared at him.
"Yes, tremble! For Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the evil genius of always! Muahahahaha…maybe I should open the damn letter and see what it is about."
His nemesis nodded. Heinz picked his Letter-Opening-Inator - which was only a letter opener colored purple. He was bored, alright! -and ripped the paper open. He probably could open it by hand, but Doofenshmirtz was never someone for easy solutions.
"So, let me see…
Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Congratulations! We selected you to be-
"Not interested," said the doctor, throwing away the paper.
The platypus picked it up, looking at it with some confusion.
"Gyurururu?"
"What? You can read. Those first letters are prime material for some good guy's group attempting to recruit me. I have my pride as an evil scientist, you know?"
The agent from O.W.C.A looked at his nemesis, skeptical.
"Don't give me that look, alright? Sure that I left the whole 'taking the Tri-State area' angle behind, but I am still a big, mean baddie! I founded L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N, created a machine that nearly froze the Earth, and even did something that messed with the space-time continuum! I'm a big league villain, alright?"
The platypus scoffed at the last invention. Doof kept saying he messed with time and space. All he could remember was him mouthing over something serious happening and then turning something that would fix whatever situation they were in - with the cable of said Inator being out of the plug.
"Don't give me that face: the Do-Over-Inator is my magnum opus! But that's beside the point. The point is, I am a villain. Therefore, I should not fly to this Coffea, Chelsea, Chaldea, or whatever place. Now, let's finish our game, and if I don't see a trio of fo- er, definitely sevens in my hand, we'll have problems."
However, the platypus rattled something that made the man turn around and face him eye to eye.
"They want me to work where now?"
Doof picked up the letter and forced himself to read its contents.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Congratulations! We selected you to be part of the Chaldea Security Organization in the position of one of its technicians. After careful deliberation, we decided that your mechanical savviness and genius mind provide a perfect worker for the position despite your previous actions.
If you choose to accept this position, you shall be handsomely rewarded for your efforts - but you will be required to move to our base in Antarctica while also signing a non-disclosure term to keep secret whatever you see inside those walls.
If you are interested, reply to the address this letter came from. Then, once we finish your registration, we'll mark a plane trip to our headquarters in up to a week.
With our best regards,
Chaldea Security Organization, Human Resources
P.S: The numbers for your salary are in the back of the letter.
The scientist looked at the back and whistled, and Perry's eyes slightly widened.
"Wow…" said Doofenshmirtz. "That's a lot of money."
Perry nodded.
"I make a pretty penny, so the salary isn't even the most attractive part here. It's…well, you know me at this point, you old duck. You know what caught my eye."
The platypus nodded.
"But…there's Vanessa. I…can admit she's about to go through her coming of age, becoming an adult, whatever you call it. But with Charlene traveling, who will take care of her if I go out? Norm?"
The platypus scratched his hat, thinking about it, before snapping his fingers. He left the room and returned carrying an album with the letters L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N on the cover.
"If you are suggesting that I let one of those guys take care of my little girl-" started the doctor, only for him to point at one particular image. "Hey, that's when we had our pageant! That was fun, I think, except for that jerk Rodney attempting to steal my Make-Everything-Evil-Inator. And then that guy…what was his name? Lawrence?"
The platypus nodded, pointing at the image of the man laughing evilly.
"Yeah, I remember him now. We talked sometimes through the radio, and he sometimes popped up at our reunions. Pretty cool guy. Hm…I need to check something real quick."
He left the room, bringing a big, thick book. The cover had the title 'Properties of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.'
"Maybe I need to make an Inator to convert my things into data because my back is gonna get curved like a pretzel at this rate…" he mumbled.
Perry retorted.
"Wait, is there already an invention that does that? Never mind, I will ask Norm to do it while I am out. God knows he needs something to do. Or maybe I can drag him with me. But anyway…"
He passed through the pages quickly until he stopped at one particular text, between an expense of a thousand bucks for a butler set and the costs to repair B.O.A.T after its last excursion.
"I knew it! I have a house close to where Lawrence lives! It's perfect! All I need is to ask him to look over Vanessa and help with whatever she needs. Good job, me!"
He stopped to consider that. Staying away from his baby for so long would hurt quite a bit, but, again, part of him was reluctantly realizing Vanessa was growing. He had to learn a lot by himself about life, after all - not that Charlene didn't already start teaching her one or two things, but the point is that there are things you can only learn when alone, but it didn't mean he wouldn't provide some safety nets if things did go wrong.
Yes, Doof was slowly growing comfortable with the idea. He would send his answer later.
"I only pity you, Perry the Platypus," said Doof. "Things will get a fair bit duller to you with me in-" he turned, only to not find his nemesis. He only saw a letter. Inside, there were these words: 'I had a two.'
Doof stared at the paper in silence for a few moments before saying:
"Oh, you little-!"
It was rather unusual for Perry to receive emergency calls these days from O.W.C.A - or any calls, period. He supposed that was a good thing, as, while Heinz still created Inators constantly, they were way less malicious than before, even though he kept his evil doctor title.
He was growing more accepting of his new way of life in recent months, though, which Perry felt was a step forward. At least most of the chaos he caused was unintentional these days.
Nowadays, his job is to serve as Heinz's minder in his slow journey to becoming one of the 'good guys,' while also attempting to minimize any damage he may cause on the way. Which, the platypus reflected, was not all that different from his previous role: the only difference was a reduced amount of fights between them.
And it gave him some free time to appreciate some of the creations of his owners. Those were fun, even if they had the bad habit of disappearing after a single day. Or maybe it was good: Lawrence was more accepting of the kid's tricks, but who could tell what their mother would say?
Regardless, as he slid into the secret base below the Flynn-Fletcher household, he wondered why Major Monogram called him so urgently. Did something happen with one of the other agents? That was the most common reason, but last time he looked, the organization called for agents around the same area to intervene in these cases, and the closest agent in his area of Danville - Pinky from Admiral Wanda's division - was still at home, being fed by Isabella.
When he finally reached the secret floor, he went to his seat and waited for the transmission to begin. A minute later, the screen lit up, showing the image of Carl Karl wearing a wizard hat.
"Oh, Agent P, good to see you!" said the intern. "Major is busy talking with some people from the United Nations and is going to-"
Perry looked at the boy, a question in his eyes. He gave a sheepish smile.
"Er, I was in the middle of a session of RPG with some of the agents in the base," said the intern. "I managed to convince the Major to participate, but then he got called to answer a call of the United Nations, and now-"
"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! ABSURD! UNFAIR!"
The platypus jumped at the scream, alarmed. Carl, on the other hand, seemed resigned.
"Sir, getting critical failures with advantage hurts, but Agent P is on the call."
Silence, then a cough.
"You could have warned me before. Get out of the way, Carl."
The intern obliged, giving space to his boss. Major Monogram was currently shirtless and had his face painted red and blue.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, agent. I got a bit too much in the role of barbarian," he explained, looking a bit embarrassed. "Regardless, I have a mission for you. A branch of the United Nations, the Chaldea Security Organization, wants to hire Doofenshmirtz. I would like it if you intercepted any communications to him and-"
He paused, seeing his agent's awkward stare.
"...they did that already, didn't they?"
The platypus nodded, then frowned. Why did Monogram want him to intercept those attempts at communication? The man seemed to think about it for a second before deciding:
"This is a confidential meeting. Carl, activate protocol Three Wise Men. Also, make sure that this stays off-record."
"Understood, sir," said the intern. Perry heard the intern pressing some buttons and then leaving the room. The platypus figured it was to trigger some protocol that only a commander could know.
"Good work, Carl. You know the rest. Go and erase this memory from your mind."
"Yes, sir!"
The platypus and the man heard the young man stepping away before talking.
"Sorry for that, but it is in the protocol that the following information is on a need-to-know basis - which is why this conversation stays between us two," explained the man before taking a deep breath. "Now, before we start…do you believe in magic, Agent P?"
The platypus blinked, then, with his hands, made a more or less gesture.
"Yes, I suppose you could believe a bit in such things," remarked the man. "In a world where aliens that use mustaches as universal translators are a thing and boys can create enormous machines in a single day only to disappear in a blink of an eye, assuming that magic exists is a logical step. But what if I told you these magicians have a secret society?"
"Gyurururu?"
"Yes, like Stumbleberry Finkbat, I didn't know you read that. So, there are enough things to explain about the magical side of the world that we would need a loremaster to do so, but know that something called the Mage's Association controls that aspect of our world on an international level, guaranteeing that most people stay unaware of its existence."
Perry nodded, feeling he started to understand the situation but failing to see the issue: this Chaldea asked for a non-disclosure contract in their terms, and Doof would walk in line if he wanted to keep creating Inators.
"Oh, that's not the reason for my worries," said the man. "I worry that Doofenshmirtz will follow the steps of his ancestor."
A file popped into the screen, a crude painting of a man resembling Doofenshmirtz, except for its green robes, complete with a horned mask and what seemed to be a magical staff.
"This is a register one of our agents extracted when we investigated the Doofenshmirtz lineage. It was a tough battle against the registers of that accursed country of Drusselstein, but in the end, we discovered Heinz is possibly related to the wizard Malifishmertz: a rogue magus that terrorized the nation in the distant year of..." he narrowed his eyes. "1821."
The platypus looked at the image, then back to his boss.
"It's Drusselstein: they managed to cull the Black Death only twenty years ago!" protested the Major. "But yes, we have suspicions that the Doofenshmirtz family once dwelled in black magic and…well, we know he's turning a new leaf, but trust me when I say that these ways can change someone. Most of the time? Not for the better."
Perry snorted at that, pointing out that most machines Doofenshmirtz built could be considered magical after a certain point.
"Yes, yes, you have a point there…But my point is that Heinz Doofenshmirtz still needs to be observed. I wanted to stop him from leaving the country in the first place, but now we need to keep an eye on him. And this is where you come in, Agent P."
The platypus blinked, then pointed at himself.
"Yes, you. We have agents in Antarctica, but…well, most are not very subtle," explained Monogram. "We could deploy agents from the surrounding area, but it will be easier to train a more subtle animal to watch him and let you do some of the work until he's ready."
Perry pointed upwards.
"Yes, I am aware of the issues with your family, but we shall provide the means to allow you to leave for a month or two without issues. I know you like your owners, but you'll have to leave Danville for a few months. Trust me, before you know you will see them again. What do you say?"
The platypus hesitated for a moment, then he nodded.
It would be only for a few months. What was the worst that could happen?
Ahmed Lahbib tried to ignore the director by his side.
As head of the engineers, he had the duty to look over all men and women under Chaldea's employ, guaranteeing they were in their best state of mind and doing their work well. Of the department heads, he had the easiest time: while his division was the third most numerous, only behind the Masters yet to come and the coffin operators, his division had the least magi of them all. Also, most of the magi tended to be problem children in their respective divisions, while the ones in engineering complained little. If at all.
Sure, sometimes they had to deal with Da Vinci's eccentric personality, but the man - woman, he corrected himself - was not a bad chap by any means, and most of the time, the advice she gave was good. The title Uomo Universale was not for show.
Besides, most divisions suffered the same plight, so at least they got something in exchange.
But that's neither here nor there.
It was unusual for director Olga to order him directly: most of the time, his division was independent in their tasks and choice of employees. So it caught him by the pants when she ordered him to select one person to substitute their lost member. Well, it wasn't directly, and yes, through the mouth of that Wodime guy, but he carried a document signed by her ordering him to do so, so it counted, he supposed.
He didn't have to receive him personally, but he was curious about the man Olga Marie selected. He hadn't been considered before because of his failure in the first test, the psychological evaluation - something about him being an evil villain or something like that? Regardless, he felt obliged to show the man the strings in Chaldea. At least to get a feel for him.
What puzzled him was the presence of director Olga. She seemed annoyed in her coat, tapping her boot with impatience.
Ahmed made a silent measurement of the risks and benefits of talking with her before deciding to go ahead:
"I didn't expect you to accompany me, director," said the engineering head. "Are you also here to receive this…Dinklesmith?"
"Doofenshmirtz," she corrected. "And no. It's about…something else. A UN package."
He nodded. They stood silent for a few minutes, watching the frozen wasteland. Then, he heard the sound of the chopper - a helicopter designed by magi and some of the finest engineers in the world to fly even in the direst circumstances, such as through the cold skies of Antarctica.
And it was blasting…a jingle?
"Chaldea Security Organization!"
He blinked, confused, then looked at Olga Marie, who was just as stupefied.
The chopper landed, and from there came Heinz Doofenshmirtz. He wore a purple winter coat with a hood and green thick winter pants.
"Hello! Hope you like the jingle," said the man. "I thought a place like this deserved a cool jingle."
"...but why?" asked Ahmed.
"Why would there be a reason?" asked the mad doctor. "It's as natural as birds flying, grass growing, and platypus knowing kung fu."
For whatever reason, Olga Marie's expression soured even further.
"Heinz Doofenshmirtz, I presume."
The man bowed.
"The one and only. Well, I guess. Multiversal theory and all that."
The woman sighed.
"Ahmed, show him Chaldea. I have something else to do."
The head of engineering raised an eyebrow as she moved to the inside of the chopper and took from it a pet carrier. Inside, it was a platypus dressed in clothes for the weather.
"I…what?"
"Don't. Ask," pleaded the director. The pilot left the cockpit and passed her a letter, which she begrudgingly caught.
"Hey, this little guy was pretty chill during our trip," mouthed Doof. "He reminds me of my archnemesis, Perry the Platypus. He even had his own theme song. Doobedoobe doo daro…"
Ahmed looked at his new employee with dread.
'Why do I feel my peaceful days are about to end?'
Last edited: Jan 20, 2024
901
Underdog Emiya
Jan 20, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 2 - Amongst Stars
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Jan 25, 2024
#88
Chapter 2: Amongst Stars
Doof expected Chaldea to look cooler.
Don't get him wrong: a secret base in Antarctica is a good set-up for any kind of organization, good or evil. There's this feeling of isolation, of men and women working in dangerous stuff that could end in mass destruction or give a sentiment of "we are different." That was pretty sick, as the youth would say.
But the base itself…eh? For starters, the white walls. It created the illusion of the base being just another part of the snowy mountain, which he supposed was the builder's intent, but he didn't like the aesthetics. It was sleek and modern, but it lacked something that gave identity to the building.
So bland. Purple and green wouldn't fit, but something more vivid like red would-
"Keep moving," said the new boss, carrying the platypus. The other guy - Ahmed, he remembered, his department boss - was up ahead, opening the gates for them.
He glanced at the girl. She couldn't be much older than Vanessa - yet her hair was white like the snow around them. He wondered if she painted it. The director, as Ahmed called her, had this expression of annoyance on her face, as if she had eaten something bitter and couldn't spill it out.
'Could it be me?' thought Doof before laughing it off. 'Nah, it can't be. I only got here!'
Then again, Doof had a rough time when he came to America after leaving Drusselstein so many years ago. His luck made it so that things ended with him getting screwed in some way.
'No way that happens here, however! New continent, new me! Be careful, world, for Heinz Doofenshmirtz is going to-!'
BONK!
"Watch your step," said the director without looking.
The mad scientist smiled sheepishly before walking through the door, attempting to recover some of his dignity, only to stumble into absolutely nothing and fall to the ground. That would already be bad enough, but the corridor was slippery, and thus Doofenshmirtz slid through the ground, hitting the director, who fell in her ass, and, to add insult to injury, the pet carrier that flew from her hands fell on Doof's head, and then slid through the ice until stopping on Ahmed's feet.
The girl looked at the man below her, eye twitching.
"Hehehe…oops?" said Doof lamely.
"I guess you beat some record, new guy," said Ahmed. "I don't think I ever saw someone piss over Director Olga Marie in such a short period."
Doof walked through the chrome corridors of Chaldea, feeling miserable. Why did he say anything, to begin with?
"It's my luck," lamented the man from Drusselstein. "I somehow always manage to make people dislike me, and now I have to deal with this bump."
He touched the spot where the pet carrier hit. First order of the day: create an Inator that heals head damage.
"Hey, don't be like that," said Ahmed, touching his shoulder. "One of the first things that people in Chaldea learn is that Miss Director has quite a short temper and gives no space for shenanigans."
"But my whole life is made of shenanigans!" exclaimed the doctor. "Oh man, she's gonna hate me."
"Nah, come on, for some reason, you are her little special snowflake," said the head engineer. "She specifically called for you. Honestly, you are probably in a better spot than even I am. I think," he shook his head. "But that's not important now. We carried most of your stuff to your room and equipment to the workshop. You have some interesting tools, don't you? You know what we are supposed to do as engineers?"
"Yeah, keep the place all tidied up, right?" said Doof. "That's small stuff. I also want some space to create my Inators."
For a moment, the man felt a shiver. What was that bad feeling? He shook it off.
"Regardless, you need to be familiar with Chaldea as an institution in these years. As your senior, I'm responsible for teaching you the ins and outs of this place."
"Is that so? Because I already have a question," the man picked something from his pocket and presented it to him. It was a worker ID for Chaldea. Most people created one before going to the base. Ahmed sighed.
"Let me guess, it's the alignment thing? People always ask about that when they first come here. Look, it's just something to tell your mental state for our psychiatrists to analyze, so-"
"Oh no, I get it, I get it," interrupted Doofenshmirtz. "I played a lot of RPGs back when I was young…never stood more than a session with anyone, but I get what alignments are supposed to do. No, I'm questioning this."
He tapped at the words written in the alignment space while deliberately ignoring the photo that the new engineer chose - him staring at the camera with a smile, with a background of palm trees illuminating the back: 'Chaotic Good.'
"I don't see anything wrong," said Ahmed, a bit confused.
"What do you mean 'nothing is wrong'?!" argued Doof. "Look at this! I can accept being called Chaotic, but I am Evil, not Good! I am an Evil-aligned scientist, and I demand this mistake to be corrected!"
Ahmed stared at the man before turning his back, saying as loudly as he could:
"We start our trip with a journey to the cafeteria…"
"Hey, you didn't answer my question! Hey. Heeeey! Don't ignore me!"
"..."
"..."
Olga Marie stared at the platypus, tapping her finger against the wood.
"So. Are you going to play dumb for much longer, or…?"
"...gyurururu."
The platypus put his hand and opened the cage. Then, once out of it, he put his hat on, bowing to Chaldea's Director.
She bumped her head against the table.
"I wished that letter was a prank…"
Olga wouldn't lie and say she wasn't happy when the RH department reported that Doofenshmirtz accepted Chaldea's offer. After reading some of his most notable stunts, she had to admit that man was-
Genius was too strong of a word, she thought. A savant would be the better way to describe it: pretty smart but not having much in common sense. It was almost surprising that the man managed to go unnoticed for so long, but apparently, such things happened in Danville all the time: there were rumors of two kids that built wonder machines daily, but she dismissed that as mere rumors - at least Heinz had physical evidence in the files of the Clock Tower. Besides, Chaldea was no place for children.
And speaking of Danville…
As it turns out, there was one caveat to bringing Doofenshmirtz to Chaldea: an agent from one organization connected to the UN had to come together to supervise him, even though Olga insisted that the staff currently in Chaldea would suffice.
And this led to the most absurd bit in the whole exchange. And it wasn't even the fact that said agent was not human.
"Why did they decide to register you as my pet?!"
As a cover story, Olga and the pet were part of an animal exchange program, where the people participating exchanged their pets for a few months in some sort of social experiment. She had been very annoyed to hear that, needless to say, even more, because she now, unofficially, was the owner of a chinchilla.
The nerve of those guys! At least give her a normal animal like a dog or a cat! And speaking of normal, what kind of kid would have a platypus as their pet?
"Atchoo!" one Phineas Flynn-Fletcher sneezed. "Man, do you think I caught a cold?"
His brother, Ferb, passed a wrench to him.
"A common saying in Japanese culture is that sneezing out of the blue means someone is thinking about you. Maybe the person talking about you is our exchange friend."
"Hm…nah, it's probably a cold," decided the boy. "There you have it, Steve. Hope you like your miniature amusement park."
Agent C looked in awe at the carefully constructed structure, which had some classics for small animals, like a small wheel and a scratch tower, to more advanced structures, such as a mini-roller coaster and a gym.
In his mind, he let out a satisfied sigh. It would be hard to leave when the time came, wouldn't it?
The platypus snarled(?) as if reading her thoughts.
"So, you are a secret agent?" asked Olga Marie, looking carefully at the mammal. No signs of him being a familiar. Maybe she could question Caster to see if there weren't any signs of magic in his inner body because the magus had no idea how a platypus could walk and think like a human without any magecraft involved. She almost wished El-Melloi was there…
The platypus stared at the woman, lost in thoughts. She coughed a bit, embarrassed.
"So, let's verify the deal once more, alright?"
The agent nodded. From…somewhere, he passed a paper to her - the same contract currently on the woman's desk.
"You, Agent P, also known as Perry the Platypus, is an independent agent of the…" she paused, reading the text twice. "Organization Without a Cool Acronym. I will call it O.W.C.A, because that name…do you see the issue with it? God, you would think that living in a world of magecraft would make you prepared for unusual situations."
The platypus shrugged, much to the magus' annoyance.
"Anyway, that's not here or there," she decided. "What matters is that you are the agent of an independent agency - O.W.C.A - given agency to act in the territory of Chaldea by the Council of Security of the UN to supervise Heinz Doofenshmirtz until an appropriate agent for the area is trained enough for deployment. Is he aware of your presence here, by the way?"
The platypus scratched his chin, then shrugged. Olga sighed with some irritation.
"Regardless…you will watch over Doofenshmirtz, observing his behavior and if he truly has magical potential. You have the independence to act whenever you want while here, but you have to provide me with a report of his moves. That said, your presence must remain a secret to the general staff. I don't care if Doofenshmirtz knows it, but for the rest of Chaldea, you must act like a normal platypus. Well, as normal as a platypus in Antarctica can be."
The platypus shrugged in a motion that seemed to say "Whatever." The woman sighed, annoyed.
"Why couldn't they train human agents? I can't understand platypus language. Can you at least write or something like that?"
The platypus tapped his finger on his beak, looked around for some paper, wrote on it, and passed it to the woman.
It said: "Yeah." Olga Marie couldn't help but twitch at the underlying sarcasm in the message.
"Look, don't think that I will take care of you. In Chaldea, we have people who would be more than willing to keep you healthy and well-fed. Besides, if, for whatever ungodly reason, someone can understand you, our cover story is that you are the pet of a friend, and we leave it at that, alright?"
The last thing she needed was to know about an organization of animal spies because that sounded ridiculous even by magi standards. She would never live that one down. Thankfully, the platypus agreed.
"Good to see we are on the same page. Now I will provide you with a map of Chaldea and-"
BOOM!
Olga Marie blinked, confused.
"What was that?"
All that Romani wanted to do right now was have a nice hot cup of cocoa.
As head of the medical staff, he had lots of things to do: stock medical supplies, overwatch the emergency training from the men and women under his employ, and communicate with the kitchen to talk about any allergies that people could have. And that was not counting his personal life: looking over for Mash, hanging out with Leona, wasting a few hours in Magi Magi.
He had a pretty occupied life. So, a good drink in the middle of the afternoon did wonders to keep him moving.
If only Ahmed and the new guy weren't taking so long.
"I'm telling you, we don't have Drusselstein-styled coffee," insisted the head of the engineers.
"But it's absurd!" said the new guy - Doof. "Look at what's written here!"
He pointed at a board above the machine titled: 'Select these numbers to get any coffee you want!' It followed with said numbers and a short explanation of what commands would give you cream, black coffee, Kilimanjaro, you named it, it was there. It was something that Leonardo created once she started drinking the liquid, and it was something that so many in Chaldea were glad existed.
"I call bollocks on that! Look, it says that you can have coffee with juice in this! Juice! Who does that?!"
"You," said Ahmed, tiredly. "But I never heard of this Huckleberry."
"Doonkelberry," corrected Doofenshmirtz. "And I get it, but it's a matter of principle! Drusselstein-styled coffee is one of the few good things from home, and the hack that built this machine doesn't even give that option? That's it! Let's show how we do things in Danville."
The man attempted to whistle, but instead, the sound sounded like that of a dying goat. Realizing this, he instead clapped his hands, and a few minutes later, they heard steps.
Clangorous steps.
"What the hell is that?!" asked Ahmed, tensing up.
"RELAX. I AM A FRIEND."
Soon enough, the man was facing an enormous machine. He mentally estimated that thing as three meters tall and probably weighing around three hundred kilograms. The weirdest part was its appearance: it attempted to emulate a workman that you would see in an office, with its brown hair, blue "suit" - in truth, his plating - and smile on the face, but it instead made him look all the more bizarre.
Oh, and he also was carrying a toolbox. That was important for some reason.
"Wha-what the hell is this?!" yells Ahmed, greatly shocked and disbelieving as Romani.
"Oh, this? It's Norm," said Doofenshmirtz. "He's my assistant. Say hi to Ahmed, Norm."
"HELLO, AHMED. ARE YOU A FRIEND OF FATHER?"
Gathering some of his bearings, the man looked at the robot warily. "Erm…I am his boss? Also, father, what the-"
"CALCULATING…FLAWED LOGIC: FATHER HAS NO BOSSES. PREPARE TO DIE!" he said gleefully before pointing a cannon at him.
"Allah in the-!" Screams Ahmed, he and Romani hugging, fearful for their lives.
"Norm, I gave you the memo," said Doofenshmirtz, too calm for them in this sudden escalation. "Activate protocol Updog. Members of the Chaldea Security Organization can call themselves 'my boss.'"
"ACCEPTING ORDERS…UNDERSTANDABLE. HELLO, FATHER'S BOSS. HOW ARE YOU?"
"Sorry for that," said the doctor. "Norm here has a bunch of protocols to defend me. Heck, I forgot even how many I installed on him."
"What, what, what…" Romani gagged. "Forget that! This thing has a weapon!"
"Is a weapon, actually," he said. "Big guy here has all the devices needed to kill a platypus."
The two heads stared at the man as if he had grown several heads. "To kill a- Never mind that, how did this even get past our security?!" Stutters Ahmed.
"Hey Dan, look at this."
The security passed an x-ray to Dan. Both looked at the head in the bag of the new doctor guy.
"Seems like metal to me," said Dan. "Did you find anything-"
"Yup. Two arms, two legs, and a chest. We better call someone because this is weird as hell."
"It's not that weird."
Silence.
"Dan, do you have anything to say?"
"Look, all I'm saying is that a man has his needs. What if this guy likes to sleep with a mannequin dressed as his divorced wife?"
"...dude, does Lorena know about that?"
"A man has his needs, Stan!"
"I don't have the slightest idea," said Doofenshmirtz. "All I hope is that you didn't make too much of a mess out of my things when you reformed yourself, Norm," he whispered to Romani. "I made him dismountable for occasions like this and installed an upgrade to help him reconnect by using magnetism in his parts and to answer when I call for him in a range of five kilometers."
"Cool…?" whined Romani.
"FATHER, YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME OUT OF THE CASES," remembered Norm. "I FEAR YOUR ROOM IS A BIT MESSY. ONE MOMENT…"
He removed his head from the rest of the body and pulled out a pink underpants with the stamp of cheetahs.
"EXCUSE ME, THIS WAS BOTHERING ME." The face of the mad scientist went pale.
"Give me that, you bloke!" said the scientist in a shrilling voice, ripping the tools out of his hands. He awkwardly stared at the two silent men present before looking at the sentient machine with a chastising look. "And go arrange my room. Try to avoid breaking through walls while we're at it."
"YES, FATHER."
The robot stomped away, stopped to caress some weird albino squirrel/cat/whatever, then moved on.
"I…"
Romani had the vague feeling he had to warn someone that a half-a-ton three-meter-tall Terminator was set free on Chaldea, but he couldn't quite articulate how his scream should sound. Alarmed? Fearful? Confused? All of them? He switched looks with Ahmed, who looked as silent as him.
"Anyway, we can finally get to business and upgrade this!"
This snapped the head of engineering out of his stupor.
"A literal genius used magic to create this. It is near impossible to upgrade it."
Doof scratched his chin.
"Right, magic is real…you really should upgrade those videos that came during the plane trip here, I slept halfway through the clip."
Ahmed looks dumbfounded. "You wha-"
"But I don't need any fancy magic tricks," said Doofenshmirtz. "Just watch how I roll with my Inators!"
He grabbed a screwdriver and a hammer out of the toolbox and started to get to work. All while singing a small chant:
"Lemme show you how it's done, oh yeah
Oh yeah, lemme show you how it's done!
I need no fancy magic trick, no twitch of hand
To breach through the barrier of possibility
For further comprehension, understand
To me, there's no such thing as infinity
The sky's the limit, not!
Watching stars is not enough for me
Why do that when you can see
Them up close. What a riot!"
From out of nowhere, the two men heard the song of guitars.
"Where are those guitars coming from?!" asked Ahmed, hysterically pulling his hair with his hands.
But unlike him, the other man reacted differently.
Despite the growing absurdity, Romani hums as he starts bopping his head in rhythm. "I don't know, but I like it!" said the doctor, causing Ahmed to turn and incredulously stare at him.
"Romani, don't-!"
Meanwhile, Doof kept his number.
"Oh, those wrecked, wicked men
They think they are ten
Oh, but if it wasn't for a small hero
They would be nothing but zero
Magnets, drills, lasers
Smells, gowns, blowers
Oh, they make me so dynamic
That I need an Inator to dull me
Oh, I missed this feeling
But you won't believe what you're seeing
Because I am returning
Oh, I'm loving
To show how it's done.
Lemme show how it's dooooooonnnneeeeee!"
CLANK!
The music ended. Romani then claps his hands in applause with a smile while Ahmed is limping his arms, staring dazedly.
"See? This is how I do things back home," said Doofenshmirtz. "Even managed to put a musical in the middle."
"How did you even do that?" said Romani. "Also, you have a pretty good voice."
"Thanks, I did a minor in Sudden Musical Numbers. And people said that was a bad idea. Bah! Show what they know. But be honored, for you two saw a prodigious mind return to do what he loves the most."
He showed the coffee machine, now with a fresh paint of purple and green for whatever reason.
"Behold, the Ultima-Coffee-Machine-Inator!"
DRAMATIC THUNDER!
The two men jumped, startled.
"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing menacing," he picked up something shaped like a high-tech cassette tape. "I couldn't carry my Dramatic-Thunder-Inator to this place, so I created my Background-Sound-Inator, which provides fitting music for whatever situation I find myself in. Think of it as an automatic playlist. Anyways…"
He tapped on the machine.
"You there," he pointed at Romani. "Would you like to have the honor of testing this new and upgraded coffee machine?"
Romani analyzed the machine, skeptical. He noticed it lacked the number tab to input the commands to make the liquids.
"I don't know. I mean, you didn't even allow us to-"
POP!
A cheap plastic cup appeared where the coffee was supposed to drop. Then, a few seconds later, hot, brown liquid fell from the machine. Romani judged the odds of that ending badly for him and decided that they weren't that high, so he picked it and took a small sip.
"Hot cocoa," said the man, haunted. "It was what I planned to ask. But I didn't-"
"Because you didn't need to," another plastic cup popped out of somewhere, dropping coffee with red liquid. Heinz let out a satisfied sigh. "I made it so that it reads the mental waves of whoever is in front of the machine to give them the best possible drink for them."
"Is that so?" asked Ahmed, looking genuinely intrigued. "Here, let me give it a try."
It didn't take too long for a yellow-ish liquid to drop into another cup. His eyes widened.
"This…this isn't coffee, but sugar cane juice. How did you…"
"A bit of teleporting tech," said Doofenshmirtz. "I programmed it to take any materials from nature, process them in the most adequate ways, then adapt to give the perfect drink to the occasion."
Ahmed and Romani stared at the doctor.
"You used teleportation…to give this machine infinite materials to process into drinks?"
"Yes!" said Doofenshmirtz. "Calling it a coffee machine now is a bit erroneous. It can make any drink - as long as you are in the age to drink them all. Watch."
Now, a glass cup popped out of nowhere. A few seconds later, an arm popped to drop a yellow liquid, a metal arm popping from the side to put what seemed to be a pineapple slice on the border of the cup.
"Behold, a piña colada, in the most Puerto Rico way possible!"
He passed the cup to his bosses, each sipping it. Both men's eyes widened.
"Dear god…this is amazing!" said Roman. "Like…wow!"
He never thought he would utter that sentence, but someone one-upped Leonardo da Vinci! Who was this man?
"Hm?" Ahmed took notice of something on top of the machine. A button. "What does this do?" With a curious brow, he started to reach his arm towards it.
Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened.
"Don't! That's the button that triggers-"
Unfortunately, Ahmed pressed it.
"-the self-destruction routine."
Silence. The machine popped three cups filled with vodka, metallic arms passing the liquid to the three men.
"Huh, are you sure this is a self-destruction mechanism? Because it sounds pretty-"
BOOM!
A second later, the machine blew into a mountain of pieces, leaving three men covered in ashes.
"...it was giving vodka to dull the pain," said Doof, drinking his cup in one go. "Ouch."
Ahmed had a father who loved women a lot: so much so that he had four wives.
Contrary to what you would think, the arrangement worked well enough, as his old man put much effort into making everyone okay with the arrangement and working his ass off to support them all. He was an only child from his relationship but felt no issue in calling his half-brothers as, well, brothers.
That said, there were moments when he seemed to regret the arrangement and one of those was when his women got mad.
"Allow me to put a piece of wisdom in your mind. One mad woman is meddlesome. More than one, though? Prepare because Allah wishes to smite thee with prejudice."
'Well, dad? And when the women in question are your boss and a dead man who switched his body to become that of a woman?'
Indeed, there was never a less desirable position than angering BOTH Olga Marie Animusphere and Leonardo Da Vinci on the same day, at the same time.
And there was he, Romani, and the new guy, still partially covered in ashes.
"What. The. Hell. Was. That?!" asked Olga Marie, her face scrunching in hot anger improper for a lady. For whatever reason, she had a platypus on her lap, staring dumbly at them. "And I'm talking to you, rookie. On your first day, you managed to find a way to blow something up that a Caster created. A Caster!"
"You terrorist," snarled Da Vinci in a rare show of anger. "Who messes with the inventions of others like that? Not only that, but you also have the gall to blow it up!"
"...you look like the Mona Lisa," commented Doofenshmirtz, his head tilting. "Are you her descendant or something? And are you cosplaying as her?"
The Caster looked unfazed.
"I took this form because it was the pinnacle of beauty…but don't think that smooth words and hollow praise will suffice to escape punishment! I demand capital punishment: it was one of my finest creations as a Servant, and you thought it was fine to modify it without asking!"
"Well, I wouldn't do that if it didn't suck! What kind of scientist are you to make false claims?" The brown-haired beauty tightened her grip around the staff, which one man took notice of.
"Er, you should have known that already by the clip in the plane," said Romani, carefully changing the subject to prevent the doctor from digging his grave deeper than it already was. "She's Chaldea's Servant, Leonardo Da Vinci."
Doofenshmirtz stares blank-faced,
"...I'm sure this is a super-important magic thing I should know, but didn't because the movie was boring as dust, so can you guys explain why the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci is here with the face of the Mona Lisa?"
Olga tapped her fingers against the wood irritatedly. The platypus moved to comfort the young leader of Chaldea.
"You slept through the movie."
"Yup." That got an eyebrow twitch from the director.
"The movie that we highlighted was relevant for your job."
"Well, I saw the first half, about the world and how it works, but I lost a bit of the-"
Olga Marie used Glare. It was super-effective! Doof shut his mouth.
"You will look at that once we're through with this - if I don't decide to fire you," threatened the woman. "Now, explain why I shouldn't gut you three like fishes. Ahmed, you first."
One by one, each man explained their points of view from the incident: Ahmed being a guide caught in the rush of the moment, Romani being an innocent bystander, and Doof being…well…
"You just didn't downplay one of my creations," said Da Vinci, frowning.
"I did," said the mad doctor, puffing his chest. "There is no shame in not being perfect, you know. Errare est humanum and all that." The other inventor's tongue let out an annoyed tsk sound.
"Keep your Latin to yourself," said Da Vinci. The woman then huffed. "Well, whatever. Even if you were correct, I will build a better machine than that junk you created." Now Doofenshmirtz looks offended.
"Junk? You just don't talk down to my Inators like that!" countered the man. "Well, unless I also diss them. But it's the principle of the matter! Making Inators is an art for me!"
The woman blinked, stunned.
"We won't get into a debate on what is art," said Olga tiredly. "All I want to know is…who's at fault for this?"
Without hesitation, Ahmed and Romani pointed at Doof.
"Traitors," said the new guy, grumbling under his breath.
Olga looked at her platypus as if he could answer what to do. All it did was sneeze on her face.
"I will be lenient this time as it's the first day. And you did seem to show high skills in your area," admitted the early twenties old woman. "But remember: you are only allowed to store any tools you create inside the engineering department before any usage in other rooms of Chaldea. Also, we will be lenient with this Norm entity, but he has to have his weapons disabled. The last thing we need is a trigger-happy killing machine wandering through these halls."
The doctor blows through closed lips in amusement. "Ah, Norm wouldn't harm a fly…Like, he loves animals unless you are a platypus."
The woman pushed the platypus closer to her.
"Riiight…" she said slowly. "And you also will watch the movie, no sleeping on it. And if you screw things in engineering, no matter who recommended you, I will personally kick your sorry ass out in the cold of the Antarctic. Do you understand me?"
Doof nodded.
"Crystal clear!"
The woman pointed at the door. "Dismissed."
The three men lifted from their chairs, two of them relieved, one of them not.
"Only Doofenshmirtz. I have some words to trade with the two of you for not stopping this hare-brained plot."
Romani and Ahmed paled. Doofenshmirtz laughed.
"Ah, the sweet taste of payback. Enjoy the taste of dirt, traitors!" he said, waving his hand mockingly. "Bye-bye!"
The mad doctor left the room whistling. Sure, he had a lot of work ahead of him -enough that he would have to spend the night awake, but that was nothing new for him, even if he gave lots of value in a comfy sleep. On the way, he bumped into some blonde guy with black clothes.
"Sorry," he said. Then, he kept whistling off-tone, enough to make most bystanders suffer, but not that man. He just smirked at the man he chose and kept going.
You can always show your support by reading my other fics. No really, they need some love and attention.
PLEASE! LISTEN TO THIS SHAMELESS PLUG AND GO READ ZERO DESIRE AND LINKED TALES! OR DOOF WILL BLOW UP ME!
Nah, just kidding. About the Doof blowing up part, I would appreciate it a lot if you guys could also look at my works. See you next time~!
Last edited: Jan 25, 2024
733
Underdog Emiya
Jan 25, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 3 - Star Worker
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Feb 18, 2024
#138
Chapter 3: Star Worker
As Doofenshmirtz said before, staying up late sucked.
Oh sure, the wonders of late night were alluring. Not so much when you are forced to watch the same video three times in a row with no popcorn and then read a 200-hundred-page manual about handling the delicate equipment Chaldea utilized for its endeavors.
Doof admitted he deserved the first rewatch for having slept through the first half of the flick, but the second one was just downright mean.
Regardless, Mama Ocelot raised no quitter. Mama Doofenshmirtz did, but he decided it was better to take from his adoptive mother in this regard because otherwise, he would probably have given up much early in the whole "evil science" business.
So, in the morning, he left his room wearing his green and black technician uniform. Doofenshmirtz would be lying if he said he wouldn't miss his classic look, but the clothes were comfy and weren't annoyingly restrictive. He wondered if the tailors used magic to make it so good to use.
'Magecraft,' he corrected himself. Yes, Magic - with capital M -was a different beast from magecraft, which was what magus - magi in the plural - used. Miracles, they called them, things almost no one could reproduce. The magi got annoyed when someone referred to the two as the same, which was fair: it would be like comparing a laser pointer to a death laser.
Regardless, Doof learned the hard way that distinguishing things one from another was important: better set that line in the sand before things got too out of hand.
"Ah, good to see you could join us, Heinz!" said Ahmed bitterly.
The scientist raised his eyebrow.
"Why wouldn't I? Isn't that my…" he let the words sink in. "Oh, I get it. You are being sarcastic!"
"Ten points for realizing it," snapped back the head engineer. "I won't be able to forget that ear pull anytime soon."
"Hm…I suppose I should apologize then. I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, am sorry for calling you a traitor."
The head of the engineers raised his finger to argue, stopped midway, then pulled it down.
"I will take it," he decided. "Now, today, we are performing the maintenance of the coffins."
Doofenshmirtz grimaced.
"Urgh. That is such a creepy name for those things. Why are they named like this?"
"You would need to ask Marisbury…although you would see difficulty in doing so, considering he's dead," said Ahmed, shrugging. "Regardless, we are making tests to see if their cryogenesis function is properly working. Follow me."
The two men walked through the engineering room, a hangar-like space with machines spread through. Most of them today were the coffins that the Masters would use to rayshift in the past.
"Why rayshift?"
"Hm?"
"Why use rayshifting to time travel?" asked Doofenshmirtz. "Is that the only way to travel to the past? It's just that one of my dreams was always to create a time machine to see if my parents missed my birth…"
Ahmed looked at the man as if he was crazy - which he was, mostly. Sensibly, he ignored the statement and focused on the question.
"Well, magecraft is a thing that has no theoretical limit. I wasn't there when the idea was conceived - probably was just a brat learning how to use a wrench. But, from what I heard, a few other plans were considered before settling in rayshifting. Most of the other ideas proved to be impossible to utilize in practice, and some of the others proved to be too dangerous -turns out that the World doesn't like when people time travel."
Doofenshmirtz made an effort to remember it. The Earth itself was alive and had this thing called the Counter Force to purge any threats to it and that had two personalities - Alaya and Gaia - who didn't look eye to eye all the time. They had, however, the common goal of stopping threats to Earth, and the people who lived there.
Doof wondered if he counted as such, considering some of his past inventions - mainly the whole incident with him taking the planet out of his axle with the sun. He hoped that Rodney wasn't: that prick would never stop bragging if that was the case.
"So the researchers decided that rayshifting was the best method for our purposes," said Ahmed. "The spirit is way harder to break down than the body, and keeping constant confirmation of its existence is relatively easier. Besides, we only need the Master's presence to anchor the Servants, so we don't need the Servants to be able to rayshift themselves - which they should because their bodies are composed of magical energy entirely, so none of the issues we, poor flesh people, have."
Servant and Master. A Servant was a type of summon called by a magus -the Master in the relationship. Rather than summoning a dragon or something, the ritual brings back to the world these 'Heroic Spirits' from a place called 'Throne of Heroes.' The name was non-indicative, as it instead stores figures that performed notable feats in the story - this included villains, the non-indicative name being damned. So you have your standard fare like King Arthur, Roosevelt, Achilles, and outlaws like Blackbeard and Billy the Kid.
Oh yeah, and (almost) all the myths were true. Doofenshmirtz only hoped he wouldn't meet any figures of Drusseltein's folk tales. Heck, make all of them fake: he didn't want anything to do with that can of worms.
"I see. So it's more about practicality and safety, right?"
"Pretty much," said Ahmed, popping in the p. "Then again, if a Security Organization isn't safe with its protocols, what the hell are we doing here then?"
"Fixing refrigerators?"
The head of engineers snorted.
"Yeah, that skill would make me popular back in Egypt. But enough jesting, we have work to do."
He pointed at the row of coffins. From what Doof heard in breakfast, he included, there were around 30 engineers in Chaldea, so there were fifteen coffins currently in the area, two people each looking at them for errors. Fourteen were full, while the last one was empty.
"Again, as it's your first day of proper work and we are on a deadline, I'll help you with this first routine," said Ahmed. "And please, don't mess with any of the machinery, or director Olga will have my head on a pike."
"So the same attitude that any teenager has when someone bothers them," jokes Doofenshmirtz before looking at his serious face. "Wait, she can do that?"
"I don't know, but there're magi that can do that, and I don't want to risk it," declared the man. "So, please, follow the manual for this."
Doofenshmirtz let out a sigh.
"Fiiine. But I bet I could improve this to be way better with some time."
Ahmed sighed. That was going to be his life now, wouldn't it? He then noticed that Olga Marie's platypus - and wasn't that a sentence? - was close, and carried him out of the room.
The last thing he wanted was to get in trouble because of the little thing.
Perry felt that it would now be a nice time to explore the base. With Doofenshmirtz occupied for the time, he felt he had…at least a few hours before having to deal with any issues relating to Inators.
Learning of the infrastructure of the base was important. While Monogram hadn't been insistent that the agent kept himself hidden, it would be easier to control Doofenshmirtz while he was unaware of his presence - though part of him wondered how long would it take for him to connect the dots in his more dangerous Inators failing and the platypus that was with him during the whole trip to Antarctica.
On the other hand, Danville had loads of platypi. And knowing how the doctor's mind worked, he wouldn't be recognized until he saw him wearing his Agent P hat.
Again, smart but not particularly bright.
So Perry took notice of everything around. Ventilation ducts, the layout of the area, good hiding spots. Anything for a silent observation of his nemesis.
Footsteps. He took his normal stance as a platypus. A pink-haired girl with glasses walked in the corridor, looking around for something before setting her eyes on him.
"Hm?"
She approached and kneeled to look at him. Perry decided to wait and see what she did.
"What are you?" she asked, curious.
"Mash? Did you find - ah, so you found Olga Marie's pet."
Mash looked at the man that followed her - who Perry identified as the Romani that the director so much lambasted last evening.
"The Director has a pet?" asked the girl, looking at him with curiosity.
"Well…" the man scratched his chin. "She is taking care of it for a friend. I just don't get why she thought the best friend to ask is the one currently in the South Pole."
"What is it?" she asked. "I never saw this animal before."
"It's a platypus," replied the doctor. "A mammal that only looks like a bird."
"...I saw images of platypus," said the girl. "They didn't have green fur like that."
The man raised his hands.
"I am a doctor, not an ornithologist," he replied. "It's probably some local variation. Or maybe the old owner colored his fur for some reason."
The girl raised her hand and moved it towards the mammal before hesitating for a second. Feeling her intentions, Perry moved so that her hand caressed him.
"Soft," she said gently.
The platypus let out a sound of pleasure, feeling the hand passing through him. Romani seemed ready to object to touching an unknown animal out of the blue, but, seeing that there was no harm, he let the situation continue.
But someone else didn't.
"Fou."
"Oh, there you are, Fou. You jumped into my shoulder like that."
Perry stared at the new arrival-
And the next thing he knew, there was only fear.
He stared at him: the beast. From the shoulder of the girl, that thing stared at him as if he was nothing but a vermin on the ground.
Perry was valiant. He had faced mad doctors, aliens, and evil alternate-universe selves for years. Yet, he never felt more afraid of something like it.
Which then proceeded to move close to him and push him away with his furry paws.
"Fou!"
"Oh? Is Fou jealous?" asked Romani. The man gave a smug grin. "Seems that having competition for the first time in years rattled you, didn't it?"
Fou looked at the man for a second, then immediately dismissed him.
"Oi, I don't know what that was, but I know it was supposed to be rude!" protested the doctor, whose objection was promptly ignored.
Meanwhile, Fou looked at the newcomer. His attitude all but said: I am the alpha. Kneel.
However, Perry was quick to calm down. And thus, stared at him, in a silent battle. It was his answer, after surpassing his panic: why should I?
Then, after a few tense seconds, the cat-squirrel thing seemingly nodded and looked away. If Perry hadn't a facade to keep, he would show his confusion. A trial? That was…unusual. When you are an animal, you tend to learn about the habits of your "wilder" counterparts. He had no idea of what species was this Fou, but he seemed to be smarter than it looked.
"Fou," he flopped into his belly, which led to the girl scratching it. At that moment, Perry understood: that the girl, Mash, was his, just like the Flynn-Fletcher brothers were for him. He didn't know if the creature was her pet, or if it was only that he liked her more, but he cared for the girl greatly. The one he favored.
The agent subtly bowed his head, in a gesture to apologize. He was no weakling, yet he overstepped invisible boundaries that were not meant to be broken.
Fou watched it with interest, before seemingly nodding, as if acknowledging the meaning behind the act.
"Sometimes I think this creature is too spoiled," commented Roman. "It disappears for a few days, then we get him in the weirdest situations then it jumps off to whatever place he wants. Frankly…"
The creature looked with indignation at the man.
"Fou kyuu!"
"...I wonder what you meant with that."
Perry knew he meant exactly what he said. Then, after giving one last look at Mash and Perry, the small creature proceeded to jump away from them. His owner jumped.
"Ah, Fou! You need to get your bath!" said Mash, running after the little beast, Romani following suit after a few seconds. When he was out of sight, only then Perry crumbled to the ground.
Why did he have the impression of avoiding a bullet?
"..."
"..."
Now, Hinako Akuta wouldn't say she was exactly the most "there" person in the world: being a near-immortal Elemental Spirit that was out of touch with the remainder of the land for some centuries, only to be dragged out by that man - Marisbury - because of what was in for her.
However, even she had to admit that the robot silently crying oil was too much for her to ignore. He bawled like a baby that had lost his rattle.
It didn't help that her book choice for today was poor - and that was an understatement. She blamed Kadoc for this. Why did he have to read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheeps and give her the same idea?
"...can I help you?"
He turned, his metallic frown somehow turning into a smile.
"ARE YOU AN EXPERT MECHANIC WITH NO QUALMS OVER INSTALLING IN MY BODY ENOUGH MILITARY POWER TO DESTROY A SMALL TOWN WITH A PLATYPUS IN IT?"
Owlishly, Akuta blinked.
"No…?"
The machine slumped to the ground, again with a sad face.
"My weaponry…my sweet, sweet weaponry," his voice lacked the same energy of before, looking nearly normal. "Why, Dr.D? Why do you make me suffer like this?"
Akuta looked at the machine, confused.
"I…can't answer that question. Go ask someone else," she tried to deflect, but the machine returned to sob to himself, oil leaking from its eyes. 'Good grief, I can't deal with this. Someone come here and help.'
"Hm? Isn't that a curious sight?"
She turned to meet the smiling face of Scandinavia Peperoncino. To her surprise, the pink-haired man wasn't wearing any of his infamous personal attires, but instead the default Chaldea Combat Uniform, which pronounced his musculature. The girl had to admit he looked good in that, even if she only had eyes for one man.
"What do you have close to you, Akuta?" said the man, winking.
"I have no idea," said the elemental bluntly. "I was just reading, then this thing appeared and sat beside me, and began to cry. It's annoying, honestly: I'm attempting to focus on my book, but I can't because of him."
"Hm, you could always change places, you know?" retorted her team A companion. "Or you could serve as a friendly shoulder for him to put his head on."
Akuta looked annoyed at Pepe.
"Why don't you do that?"
"Who, me?" he pointed at himself. "Oh no, I just got the measurements right in this uniform of mine. I can't get it dirty. So uncouth of you, Akuta. Besides, aren't you curious about why this machine can cry in the first place?"
She was about to answer no, but then she stopped to think. Where has one heard about machines crying? Not even Lord Xiang Yu could do that!
"Alright, fine, you got me interested," she admitted, closing her book. "Happy now?" Judging by Pepe's smile, it did.
"Fufufu. Amused, if anything," he admitted. "Now, tell me, little bot. What is grinding your gears?"
"I HAVE NO GRINDING GEARS. DOCTOR D WOULD NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN BECAUSE HE DISLIKES THAT NOISE," he opened a panel in his chest, revealing his inner mechanisms. "SEE? NOTHING WRONG WITH MY GEARS."
"...why is there a squirrel running on a wheel?" asked Akuta listlessly.
"IT IS MY BATTERY."
"I don't think it's supposed to work like that, hon," said Pepe softly.
"FATHER IS A GENIUS," justified the machine.
"...can't argue with that. I almost want to go look for the man that can make such an arrangement work," admitted the man. Then he frowned. "Wait, is that the man that interested Daybit?"
"Daybit?" asked Akuta, the name perking her up in curiosity. "What does he have to do with this?"
"Well, Wodime and I caught him looking at some documents after hearing we were with one less man in engineering, then he asked our gracious leader to pass a recommendation about this one…Wochenblitz?"
"DOOFENSHMIRTZ, FAMED CEO OF DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!" sang Norm.
"Evil, eh?" chuckled the magus. "I can see why Daybit would be interested in him. He's practically an evil scientist himself. Heck, I heard that the new guy stunt is why most of the crew looks sleepy today."
"What, did he build a sleep ray or something?" asked Akuta dryly.
"INCORRECT. FATHER DID THE TERRIFIC ACT OF CUTTING AWAY THE MAIN SOURCE OF CAFFEINE FROM THIS FACILITY."
"He blew up Da Vinci's coffee machine," translated the man. "She seemed rather peeved at that. I'm almost impressed."
"I would be if someone broke my stuff, I suppose," Hinako shrugged. "But what was all that talk about weaponry?"
"WEAPONRY, YOU ASK? WELL, THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO ANSWER SUCH QUESTION."
He opened another panel in his arm and made some gestures on it. After a few seconds, two boomboxes grew on his shoulders, bopping a song that remembered both magi of a martial beat.
"La-la-la-la, Weaponry!"
"Owch."
Ahmed took his eyes out of the machine to look at Doof, who was scratching the back of his head.
"Is everything alright?"
"Oh, you know. Usual school stuff," said the man. "Paper balls and the like."
"Doofenshmirtz, we have no paper close to this place," said Ahmed, looking at the projectile thrown at the rookie. Nuts and bolts. "Hey, this can kill someone!"
"Not me," said the mad scientist. He knocked twice on his head, and the head of engineering heard the sound of metal. "I put metal plates around my head because, oh boy, I suffer lots of blunt trauma. It also wards evil Dorito demons." Ahmed blinks in total bewilderment.
"Evil Dorito demons?"
"Something I took from the internet," said Heinz offhandedly. "Though it wasn't the first time I switched limbs. See, there was this time when I lost my arms-"
BONK!
"Ow!"
He glared at the people in the room, looking for the - Aha! The girl in the blonde ponytail with the long teeth!
"Ah, I suppose she would hold a grudge."
Doofenshmirtz looked at Ahmed, his face brimming with understanding.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Doof, let me tell you: in Chaldea, you live and die by a cup of coffee," declared the Egyptian man dramatically. "And an enemy of coffee is an enemy of this facility."
"...seems like an addiction to me."
"Trust me, it's an addiction you will learn to accept," said Ahmed. "But that's not the point. The point is, that people already dislike you for yesterday's stunt. And Alvis Crawford is one of the most avid coffee lovers amongst the engineers. Magus. Her family's crest has power over magnetism, but it's pretty weak. Oh, and she holds grudges like no one else. You will see that this is a trend."
"Oh, I also hold grudges a lot!" said Doofenshmirtz. "Surely, we can be- OW!"
The scientist touched his forehead, having been forcefully jerked.
"What was that?"
"I guess she heard that you had metal in your head and found a new way to make you suffer," said Ahmed.
"Again, an addiction," Doofenshmirtz banged the screwdriver he held against the metal a few times. "Hm, perhaps an olive branch is needed. If I give them what they want, surely those people will leave me alone, right?"
"I don't think you would win Da Vinci's friendship in this rhythm," said the head engineer carefully. "And trust me, you don't want that."
"If that's the case, something to give some energy," retorted Heinz. "Yes, I already have an idea for an Inator to drop your jaws to the ground. Just wait!" the man was about to to work before adding. "I meant dropping your jaw metaphorically, of course, so don't worry, I will attempt to avoid any side effects like those."
And then he returned to work, leaving Ahmed to feel he was about to return to Olga's office.
"...Weaponry! From above!"
"Bravo, bravo!" said Peperoncino joyfully, clapping his hands like an English gentleman would. "Come on, Akuta; praise this fine boy and his incredible vocal performance!"
"Isn't all mechanical, though?" asked the girl skeptically.
"YOU ARE INDEED CORRECT. HOWEVER, FATHER GAVE ME ENOUGH AGENCY TO WRITE MY PIECES."
"Oh, so we have a composer, too! Brilliant, I say, brilliant: if you ever went to Broadway, I would punch a ticket to see you!"
Akuta wished she didn't get taken by the flow by Peperoncino, but now it was too late: once he dragged you into his shenanigans, there was no going back. It was easier to go with the flow now.
"Back to the point. You said something about losing your weaponry. What is that about?"
The smile that Norm had turned into a frown.
"TO STAY IN CHALDEA, FATHER HAD TO REMOVE ALL OF MY ARSENAL," said the robot, sounding very sad. "FATHER CAN'T CREATE INATORS IN AMERICA, SO HE HAD TO OBLIGE TO THE WORDS OF DIRECTOR OLGA MARIE."
"Aw, this sucks," said Pepe, wincing. "I can't imagine something with such a good heart…or squirrel…harming anyone," he paused before adding. "Unintentionally, I mean, because by the song, you violated many disarmament treaties."
"INDEED," said the machine proudly. "FATHER CREATED ME TO BE HIS DEFENDER, THE ULTIMATE ANTI-PLATYPUS MACHINE."
The immortal woman looks genuinely confused and weirded out.
"What did platypuses do to your father?"
"THEY FOOLED HIS PLANS TO CONQUER THE TRI-STATE AREA REPEATEDLY. AND HAVE A WINNING STREAK OF 106 WINS IN GO FISH."
The girl snorted.
"If he gets smacked by a bird so easily, he's not fit to conquer. Unlike…" her eyes went dreamy, thinking of her dear husband. Yes, that was someone who wouldn't stop for something as silly as a-
"Mammal."
She paused. "Excuse me?"
"Mammals. Platypuses are aquatic mammals and the only ones that put eggs. So, not birds."
Akuta glanced at Pepe.
"So why do they have a beak?"
"I don't know, I'm no ornithologist. It's just the way things are."
"It makes no sense. Why?"
"Evolution is weird, Akuta, come on."
"No, really, why? I just can't understand why they are not birds, those damn-"
"PLATYPUS DETECTED."
The trio turned to see one such specimen walking in their direction, its eyes looking to both sides.
"CALCULATING…PLATYPI ARE NOT NATIVE TO ANTARCTICA. DR. D IS CURRENTLY IN ANTARCTICA. THEREFORE, THERE IS A 99.999% CHANCE THAT THIS IS DR. D'S ARCH NEMESIS."
"Er, big guy? He's just a…" started Pepe, but Norm didn't mind him.
"INITIATING CAPTURE PROTOCOLS. STAY STILL, AGENT P. I WILL DRAG YOU TO FATHER."
The machine started to run, and so did the platypus, running surprisingly fast for its size.
"...huh, never seen a platypus of that color," said Pepe, looking thoughtfully.
"Uh, I think we have bigger problems than this," said Akuta in a tense voice, hearing as the chase started.
It wasn't Perry's day, was it?
Sure, he was aware that Norm was present in Chaldea - hard to say when the machine kept whining as the engineers disabled weapon after weapon from his body, his whining echoing even in Olga Marie's office. Part of him expected to reveal himself when close to the magus, using her presence to stop him from reaching the "logical" conclusion - a.k.a, Platypus in Antarctica equals Arch Nemesis.
The worst part is that he couldn't walk on his hind. It was too risky for someone to see him like that, so his best course of action was to keep walking while attempting to find Olga Marie for protection.
"WAIT, AGENT P. FATHER WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU IN THIS PLACE," said Norm gleefully. "ALLOW ME TO DETAIN YOU, AND WE CAN TALK WITH HIM."
He knew Norm meant well, but Perry didn't want to meet Doofenshmirtz yet. Besides, he knew that the machine would completely blow his cover, and the director would be unhappy with that state of affairs.
Perry nearly bumped into a person, distracted as he was from escaping Norm.
"Hm? What do we have here?"
A man picked him up. Perry felt the gloves in his hands. He turned to face a black-haired figure with glasses, a black shirt, and red pants.
"A platypus? What are you doing here, little guy?" he looked around, then mumbled. "Hm, it's been a while since I used my magecraft…Maybe turning into a platypus could be fun…"
Perry felt he didn't want to know what the man meant by that, and thankfully didn't have to.
"STOP AGENT P, I WILL - OOPS."
And then the man had a heavy metal head strike his right leg, roaring in agony.
"OOOOOOWWWWWW! What the hell is this fucking - bitch, you broke it! You broke my fucking leg!"
"EXCUSE ME, SIR. BUT I TRIPPED INTO AN AVOCADO THAT ROLLED IN FRONT OF ME."
"Do you expect me to believe something so-!" the angry man in pain stopped himself as, indeed, he saw a crushed avocado on the ground. "I'll be damned, who is the moron that leaves fruits on the ground like that?!"
Perry knew that Norm was lying. The robot still had a dispenser installed in his, er, bottom, that he used to deploy random fruits when he tripped on air. That happened more often than it should be.
"I HAVE DEEMED THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO WALK. THEREFORE, AS COMPENSATION FOR MY MISDEED, I SHALL CARRY YOU TO THE CLOSEST MEDICAL SPOT."
"No, you don't need that…" started the man, but Norm soon princess carried him.
"NONSENSE. MY ATTITUDE IS MOST REASONABLE. WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?" Norm stepped back. Crack.
The injured man glared at Norm.
"They were there…" He growls like an actual animal.
"MY BAD. FATHER SAYS I AM RATHER CLUMSY. NOW, ALLOW ME TO TAKE YOU TO A DOCTOR."
"Wait you hunk of junk, at least put me on your-!"
Ignoring the protests of the man, Norm kept walking. Perry heard the man he met earlier - Pepe? - laugh at the scene, and, a few seconds later, a girlish giggle. Not wanting anything to do with that, Perry opted to look for Olga Marie.
Ahmed was honestly starting to get freaked out at Doofenshmirtz.
Maybe he should have started doing so after he managed to modify a Heroic Spirit's machine without too much issue, but part of it seemed diluted for the fact that said machine was the world's fanciest coffee machine. Rather mundane, all things considered.
This, however?
It wasn't only that he managed to keep the pace pretty nicely in the maintenance. The rookie was doing it better than many of the veterans in the crew, and Ahmed knew that past experience could only do very little to prepare you for the experience of handling a coffin for the first time, but some could adapt quickly.
No, it was the fact he did that all while building his Inator on the side. He had brought his toolbox with him and, along with some pieces around the room - some thrown by Alvis - he started building a machine.
The serious part of Ahmed screamed for him to make Doofenshmirtz stop. They had more important things than making amends over silly stuff like caffeine.
(He looked around to see if no one could read his mind.)
Yet, Ahmed's curiosity had been set alight, remembering what happened yesterday. He had only modified a previously existing machine before, how well were the machines original to him?
And so he let it go - even because it didn't deter him from doing his job.
And speaking off…
"Hm. The wiring here seems a bit off."
Ahmed looked at it. The brown-haired man picked a switchblade and made a slight cut to see the inner part.
"Knew it. Someone went cheap here and put plain iron here."
The metal in the coffin's wires had a special alloy composed mostly of copper and silver to allow good conductivity while having minimal oxidation from the latter. Someone in the Clock Tower did the job for Chaldea - another of many contacts that the security organization had.
"Hmph, so it is," grumbled Ahmed. It was not the first time that an eager man or woman attempted to make a quick buck from the metal. "Good job. We will report that back, and soon we'll be able to replace those wires."
"I hate the type of person that tries to sell products like these," said Doofenshmirtz. "One of these days I will invent a Rich-Go-Cheap-Inator to make them pay."
BEEEEEP!
Ahmed looked at the clock. Six o'clock.
"Phew. That's a wrap. Alright, guys, write any issues seen in the coffins. Tomorrow we look at the last third and make the final adjustments!"
"Final adjustments?" asked Doofenshmirtz.
"We still have around two weeks until this base can start operations properly," explained Ahmed. "But we need to present our equipment in top shape for the UN and Clock Tower, as their evaluators will come next week. If things go too badly, they have the authority to postpone the start of our operations until all is ready, so the director is insistent that things have to go right on the first try - or, to be more precise, our future-prediction machine, SHEBA, says we have to be ready by that time."
"You can see the future, too?" asked Heinz. "All I managed were some machines that gave me vague tips and then let me trip on my feet."
"You have lots of inventions, Heinz…"
"I am a mad scientist! It comes with the job. Even had a card with that as my profession."
Ahmed sighed.
"I wasn't saying this as praise…"
Regardless, once people finished organizing their workplaces, Doof climbed over one of the tables and clapped his hands.
"As I'm sure some of you know, I accidentally destroyed Chaldea's premier coffee machine."
"It was you?!"
"My frappuccino! I need my frappuccino!"
"Get him!"
Soon, Heinz was surrounded by all sides by caffeine addicts out for his skin.
"Hey, hey, come on!" said Doofenshmirtz before being hit by a flying wrench. "Hey, you, watch it! That one could kill me!"
He ignored Alvis' surprised look, turning to talk with the people around him.
"Hey now, hey now. Look, I get why to be mad, addiction and all. I would recommend not to do grains but we are a bit past that point."
Some people traded confused looks at the declaration, which Doof used to continue:
"Which is why I developed a new and healthy way to get energy for the day! Behold!"
He pulled the cloth over his machine. People saw at metal square with a space for a hand on top.
"Er, I make things a bit more dramatic, but it will have to do," he commented lamely. "Anyway, here's the Energiz-Inator!"
"...It's just a box," someone pointed out.
"Hey, I am a genius, but I have my limits. Otherwise, I would have made this a ray gun. But that's not the point…Ahmed, lemme borrow you for a second."
The head engineer pointed at himself.
"Me? Wait, Doof-"
However, the man forcefully put his hand on the slot, triggering the machine. Ahmed felt a small electric shock through his body, so he removed it, blinking quickly.
"What the-? I…I was a bit tired, alright, but now I feel as if I could work for more hours."
"It's a pretty simple trick honestly," said Doofenshmirtz. "No magic and all. This machine manipulates the part of your brain that processes that you are tired and sends a message that you are not exhausted. If I had more time, I could probably make other muscles forget their tiredness, but-"
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Yeah, like, doesn't this mean that you could go accidentally over your limits and-"
"I don't like shocks-"
"Oh, come on," said Doofenshmirtz, slumping his shoulders. "I'm doing a favor here! Someone is getting a heart attack at this rate."
"Which is why we have the policy of only five cups a day!" said one person. "We are coffee lovers, not maniacs!"
Doofenshmirtz blinked.
"We do?"
"Yeah, it's even in the manual," said Ahmed. "Not blaming you for missing it, it's such a minor section…"
Doof sighed.
"I'll be damned. Worse than a useless Inator is one that has no use."
"Why didn't you make that coffee machine, then?"
Doofenshmirtz looked at Ahmed as if he had said something absurd. Which he did, in his mind.
"My friend, you can't just ask for someone like me to repeat things twice unless we are in big trouble. It's like asking Leonardo Da Vinci to repaint the Mona Lisa, you just don't do that!"
"You know that Leonardo Da Vinci walks these halls, right?"
"Then go ask her if she would do that!" said Doof. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, let's press the self-destruct button and-"
"Wait, this again?" said Ahmed, alarmed. "Why would you install a self-destruction button in this?! Heck, how did you even do that with the coffee machine yesterday: explosives shouldn't be able to bust a machine like that without any shrapnel!"
"Patented self-destruction method," said Heinz. "Because if it's not Doof, it won't blow right."
"Don't be proud of that, smartass! This attitude is so counter-intuitive that if I had high blood pressure, my heart would have stopped only to get started again!"
"Your metaphor makes no sense!"
"You make no sense!" said Ahmed hysterically.
"Ugh, I'm too tired for this shit," said Alvis, feeling drained. "Out of the way, I need some charge."
The girl pushed the two men away and touched the machine.
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
Da Vinci took her focus out of the new and improved Chaldea's Best Coffee Machine, New And Improved (name pending).
"What was that?"
The Uomo Universale moved quickly from her workshop. The sound seemed to have come from the engineering workshop. It didn't make sense. They were working with the coffins. What could have happened to cause such noise?
Answer? Doofenshmirtz.
She had no Clairvoyance, but Da Vinci felt the start of a trend.
"Er…I didn't account for how some magecraft would react to my devices?"
The Servant looked at the metallic ball that contained Alvis Crawford, struggling against the bindings with all her might. However, rather than distress, she seemed ecstatic.
"Yeah, baby, gimme more of that! Again, again, again!"
Some bolts flew and hit Doofenshmirtz in the back of the head.
"Ow! I know you're mad, but-"
In a moment, Leonardo approached the man and knocked gently twice on his head. She heard metallic noises. She mounted the scenario in her head.
"I see what happened," said Da Vinci, her voice in lecture mode. "This is a condition specific to her family. Her Magic Crest causes an alteration in how her body works so that it can conduct electricity by using the metal in her blood to channel the energy while using the crest itself as a resistor. She has control over this most of the time, but sometimes overcharging it can lead to magnetizing objects close to herself."
"Oh," said Doofenshmirtz, his face brimming with realization. "Ooooh! Got it now. "The whole nuts and bolt thing was an accident! You didn't hate me."
"No, I did that because I hate you," said Alvis bluntly. "I've been dealing with a lack of coffee the whole day and felt the metal in your head, so I thought throwing stuff at you would be a good way to get some payback."
"That's kind of petty," said someone in the crowd.
"Oh, don't go high and mighty on me, I know most of you were planning the same thing!"
Doofenshmirtz looked blankly at the crowd that suddenly felt their fingers were more interesting than that talk.
"If it serves as consolation, I had to deal with this since my parents dressed me as a garden gnome to protect my home."
"Dressing as what?" asked Ahmed, completely caught off-guard.
"Not important. I made mistakes with the coffee machine and this machine here…" at the stares he received, he protested. "Look, I'm still new to magic, alright?"
"Tut, tut," said Da Vinci, wagging her finger. "Men and women of science should always consider impossibility before creating. That was your mistake, mister."
"Well, you didn't consider me destroying your machine," said Doofenshmirtz sassily. "So that makes you what?"
The eyebrows of the Caster raised slightly before lowering them.
"Touché. Alas, leave the inventing with me, for your creations seem too brief to make an impact."
"Not helped by the self-destruct button," muttered Ahmed. Da Vinci blinked.
"The what now?"
BOOM!
The metallic ball that contained Alvis exploded, leaving her in the epicenter of the explosion, unharmed but covered in ashes.
"Yippee…" she fell on the floor, unconscious. But Da Vinci ignored that. She turned to the other inventor, disbelief coloring her face.
"What was this? That's the way you treat your creations? To disguise them as wonder machines, only to make them explode in cartoony ways?!"
"Explosion is art if you know what to do!" protested Doofenshmirtz. "Besides, it's one of my signatures! An Inator is not an Inator if there isn't a way to blow it up!"
"This makes it so that any moron with two brain cells can destroy it! What kind of creator would allow that to happen so easily?!"
"Hey, I can do things like these every single day. It's no big deal."
The woman blinked, then let out a laugh.
"You create…machines like these…every single day?"
"Well, almost. Sometimes I do other stuff like treasure hunting; other times I have to go and get some materials because I used all my metal. And I mostly did things to deal with daily issues or concerning my backstory."
She looked at the man straight in the eyes. He was such a painfully simple man…yet had a brilliant mind. A mad genius. The Caster Servant let out a hearty laugh.
"Hahaha! I misjudged you yesterday. You are just a simple man behind those machines, are you not?"
"Hey, who are you calling simple?!" said Doofenshmirtz, looking hurt. "I was a big-time villain in Danville, you know. Even had an archnemesis that was a platypus!"
"Is that so? But he's not here now, is he?"
"Da Vinci?" asked Ahmed, now very warily. "I don't like that light in your eyes."
"Do not fret," said the Servant, flapping her hand at him reassuringly. "I only suddenly developed an interest in this man's mind. I wonder, who is the biggest genius between us?"
The man snorted.
"Do you need to ask?"
"Me!" "Me!"
The two geniuses stared at each other, sparkles flying in the air.
"It's settled then," said Doofenshmirtz in a low, dramatic tone. "New land, new nemesis. You bet I will make anything you create look silly compared to my inventions!"
Meanwhile, Leonardo gave a smile that was recognizable throughout the world.
"Well, someone is cocky today. You are slowly growing on me, and I'm almost loving it. In modern slang…bring it on."
The Servant disappeared in her spiritual form, words lingering in the air.
"I heard the noise, what is - not you again!"
"BIG GUY, SLOW DOWN!"
"STAY STILL AGENT P! WE ARE - OH HELLO FATHER."
"SHIIIIII-!"
CRASH!
Olga Marie tapped her fingers against the wood, looking at the figures around her desk.
"Can we not make a habit out of this?" said the director, a dangerous edge in her voice. "In two days, you already caused more ruckus than I had to deal with in one year."
"...it was an accident this time," protested Doofenshmirtz weakly.
"I hope you know we'll use your salary to cover Miss Crawford's treatment…though I suppose she also is obliged to cover for the small concussion she gave you with all that metal," considered the girl. "But speaking of treatment…"
Norm had the decency to look sheepish.
"EXCUSE ME. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THIS PLATYPUS WAS YOURS, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS AGENT P."
"Don't be silly, Norm. Perry said farewell to us in the airport!" said the scientist. "No way he would sneak around me."
Olga glanced at said platypus, who was faking being asleep.
"Still, you managed to break both of Beryl's legs, Norm."
"Well, not like Beryl didn't deserve what was coming for him."
Olga looked at the two members of team A currently in her room.
"Why are you two here again?"
"Because I wanted to see how the history of this poor guy would develop and defend him," said Pepe, giving the sentient machine a compassionate look. "Poor thing was innocent in his actions: do not dismantle him further. His crying was capable of breaking my poor heart."
"Because Pepe dragged me here," said Akuta shamelessly. "Though making this guy stop crying would be a nice bonus, he was distracting me."
Olga let out a small sigh.
"I'm not rearming him, but I promise we won't remove anything else. Just…just don't let him walk around too much. Can't you control-"
"Nope," said Heinz, his interruption causing the director to be irritated again. "Norm does what he wants to do. The best compromise is to let the squirrel that serves as his power source do other things."
The girl blinked.
"How-why- ah, it doesn't matter. Do that. But I swear if you screw up the inspection next week, I will have your head."
For whatever reason, Doof paled.
"No, I don't want to turn into a soccer ball!"
The man practically ran from the room, crashing through the door and lying flat on the corridor.
"I should have opened it before…" he grumbled in pain.
"...and this is how I appeared here on my second day," finished Doofenshmirtz.
"Hm. You are one big troublemaker, aren't you?" said Romani, smiling amusedly. "No grave wounds, so one night here shall suffice to get you good to go."
"Magic healing is the best healing," said Doofenshmirtz. He then noticed a figure covered in plaster. "And what happened to that poor sap?"
For a second, Romani's smile took a malicious edge that disappeared in a second.
"Oh, he's the guy that your robot accidentally wounded. Poor thing, to have all bones in his body broken, we had to make a full body cast."
"...wait, but Norm only broke-"
"The whole. Body," repeated Romani, his voice firmed.
Doofenshmirtz made an O with his mouth, understanding the situation.
"Alright. Sorry, bandage boy! Hope you get better soon!"
Beryl let out some swears against Romani, who went unheard. He only had let his nose free, knowing it would be enough to keep him for the night.
'Damn asshole!' snarled the killer. 'I will get vengeance!'
Romani picked a flask from his table and, 'accidentally', dropped it on his chest. It smells awful.
"Oops. How careless of me. Sorry, Beryl, but you'll have to tough it up until morning."
The man let out a deep sigh. It would be a long night, wouldn't it?
687
Underdog Emiya
Feb 18, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 4 - Under a Red Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Feb 28, 2024
#202
Chapter 4: Under a Red Star
"Aaand it's done!"
Doofenshmirtz wiped some of the sweat away from his forehead, verifying once more the coffin he just settled in place.
"Seems pretty strong for me," said one of his partners, a Brazilian man with tan skin named Paulo.
"Same," said the other partner - Miss Crawford. Thankfully, she wasn't throwing any nuts or bolts today. "I'm releasing the spell in three, two…"
She took her hand out of the metal. Her spell allowed her to grant objects magnetic properties as long as she touched them. Alvis had used it to help carry the coffin and settle it in the operations room, while Doofenshmirtz and Paulo used their tools to put it in place.
"Alright, guys, good work," said Ahmed. "Right on time, too."
The engineering crew let out a roar of joy.
"I know we had to spend the last week relentlessly in our work," said Ahmed. "But we pulled through the rough times and got everything ready for the inspection."
Yes, the inspection. It was the most critical moment in Chaldea's history up until now. Tomorrow, the UN and Clock Tower inspectors will arrive and evaluate the installation. If things went well, the Organization could begin its activities in a week, the most auspicious time according to SHEBA…leading to Olga Marie being rather gung-ho in assuring everything was ready. The coffins were the final piece to complete the set.
"Ugh…I could make for a coffee right now," said a person.
The door of the room opened. Soon, a small blue and red robot walked into the room, carrying a mug of black coffee.
"Your coffee is here. Buon bere!"
Paulo scratched his chin. Doof scowled.
"I would give anything for an espresso right now."
This time, a flying robot in purple and green carried the drink, floating before the engineer. Doofenshmirtz gave a smug grin.
Then another person asked for coffee. Then another. And another.
Soon, the room was infested by machines, to the point it became impossible to leave until some employees removed the artificial wall.
"Do you two get some amusement in making my hair go gray early?" asked Olga Marie in a groaning tone, rubbing her head with closed eyes like having a migraine. But given another chaotic event in Chaldea, getting a migraine is warranted for her.
"I don't know if white hair can go-" started Doofenshmirtz, but a glare from the Director shut him up.
For her part, Da Vinci let out a serene smile.
"Oh, it was all a big misunderstanding, Miss Director," said the Caster. "We will make sure that no machines ever clog the coffin room again."
"You are purposefully missing the point," said Olga, scolding. "My god, you never caused such headaches before Da Vinci. What happened?!"
Answer: Heinz Doofenshmirtz happened.
Since the daring declaration of the man a few days back, Da Vinci felt a fire lit in her soul, which burned more and more as he kept doing machine after machine to challenge her.
However, inventors have some pride in their souls: when one creates a wonder machine, the reaction of another is to create something even more wondrous. In short, the two tried to upstage the other in increasingly absurd ways - the last development being upon 'instant coffee.'
All this time, Olga had to deal with the aftermath of those actions, which usually took most of her time as she had to figure out what the hell happened and if there was a need for punishment. And then she had to figure out how to make such things don't happen again.
"Look, I don't care if someone asked for a frappuccino or a coffee with sugar-"
Two robots entered the room, one from each faction. Olga only needed to glare at them to make the machines leave.
"Er…better to deactivate the system for now," said Doofenshmirtz, sheepishly picking up the control from his pocket.
Da Vinci nodded, not moving a single muscle.
"I made it so those machines can answer commands from my mind. It seems that today's winner is me."
The nostrils of the man flared.
"What?! No way, I could do this without any fancy-"
"Am I invisible or what?!" interrupted a wrathful Olga Marie.
The two turned to the girl like children caught slacking in a classroom. Her shoulders were so tense that Doof nearly offered to make a Massage-Inator to help but felt it was not the right time.
"Look, you don't get the situation," said Olga Marie, her face a mask of tiredness. "I'm not even all that mad about the inventions, even though they are making things harder for me. No, I'm stressed about what can happen tomorrow. Not only the UN man is one of the current chairmen from the Security Council, but I got wind that the evaluator from the Clock Tower is the Red!"
Doof had to look twice because he swore he just saw Da Vinci gulp.
"That woman? How? How did they arrange her for that?"
"I'm sure it's some political maneuver," lamented the Director. "I had arranged that Lord El-Melloi II was the one to come evaluate things, but someone decided he would be too 'partial', and I had to fight to let a member of the neutral faction be chosen randomly! For Pete's sake, calling El-Melloi partial when he's one of the most brutally honest men in the whole institution…"
"Ahm…" Doofenshmirtz raised his hand. "Sorry to look ignorant, but what is a Red? Is this some magical term I should know or something?"
Olga closed her eyes.
"Right, you wouldn't know, right?" she took a deep breath. "The Red it's not a 'what', but a 'who.' She's one of the most powerful magi in the world, one of a few to reach the prestigious position of Grand amongst the ranks of the Clock Tower. And she's also one of the most temperamental people that I've ever known."
"Temperamental?"
"Oh yeah," said Olga, her face grim. "The Red is someone as volatile as a can of gasoline in the middle of a fire ring. At one moment she seems fine with you and the next she may want to crush you under her heel, use your body as material for her next puppet, or feed you to a demon - depending on the time of the day."
The man blinked.
"Wow."
"Yes, even I heard about her," said Da Vinci, sounding both impressed and pensive. "And I try to not get too involved in modern politics. I would say she's one of the few mages that could go consistently toe to toe with a Servant, just by sheer magical prowess."
To see the usually proud Da Vinci admit that put things in perspective for Doofenshmirtz.
"So dangerous."
"VERY dangerous, Doofenshmirtz," said Olga, giving the two inventors a stern look. "If we irritate her too much, it's possible she stops our operations out of pure spite. Which is part of the reason why everyone is being given a break tomorrow. And which is why, I'm begging you two, do not do your things tomorrow."
"What?! We can be quite sneaky, you know," said Doofenshmirtz defensively.
"No, we cannot," retorted Da Vinci.
"No, we cannot," admitted Doof, slumping in defeat.
"Good to see you two are on the same page for once," said Olga, nodding. "So, stay down for a single day, don't make lots of noise, and above all else, do not annoy our guests. Do you get it?"
The two inventors looked at each other, then back at Olga, before nodding, their shoulders a bit down.
"Alright, good to see we are on the same page for once," said Olga, then waved her hand. "Dismissed."
As the duo left the room, the director turned to Perry, currently eating a fish.
"You know what to do, don't you? I will arrange for Romani to keep Da Vinci at bay."
The secret agent nodded, eating all that remained on the plate and gulping his lunch in a single move before putting on his hat. It was time to work.
Doofenshmirtz couldn't sleep that night.
Not because of the talk. Some smartass put ants in his bed, and the bits stung a lot.
Some things seemed to stay the same. Doofenshmirtz was almost reminded of some of the pranks boys liked to do in Drusselstein. At least no one seemed familiar with the old "Make Someone Roll a Cheese Wheel while Running from a Pack of Starving Rats" prank.
As he woke up, however, he came upon a cruel doubt.
'What do I do today?'
There was no work. He couldn't compete with Da Vinci today. Heck, with the inspection, he couldn't afford to go to the engineering room until the end of the day.
So, what to do? Socialize?
'...yeah, not really.'
Sure, the hate from Chaldea's crew diminished after Da Vinci released the new, improved, and explosion-proof coffee machine and increased a bit after the whole remote coffee talk, but people still didn't like him, other than Ahmed and maybe that Romani guy. The heads, however, had to fulfill some responsibilities related to today's visits and then had plans for later. And then there's Caster, but Doof was smart enough to understand that, if the two were close to each other, there would be an invention war, no questions asked.
He was missing Perry the Platypus now. A round of Go Fishing would do well. Instead, he had Norm's squirrel, currently running around in the little cage he arranged, and for whatever reason, Olga Marie's friend's pet, who just appeared as he awoke.
Weird. But Doof saw weirder and had enough experience to tell platypi were formidable animals when they wanted to do something.
He looked at the television installed on the wall. For a place in Antarctica, the wi-fi connection was pretty good, but the only service available for them to see was either a private channel for news about Chaldea developed by Da Vinci (Doof made a note to find a way to surpass that), and Netflix. There was lots of great stuff on Netflix, but it was rendered completely worthless by the fact that it had no episodes of El Matador del Amor, his all-time favorite series.
Alright, he was being exaggerated this time. They had the theatrical release, El Matador del Amor: Pasión en Madrid, but he still felt disappointed. Thousands of series and they couldn't afford to have such a classic!
GRUMBLE.
He touched his stomach and yep. Empty as Charlene's soul. Which meant it was half-empty. At least the food in this place was good, he had to give his props to the cooks someday.
After dressing in his uniform, Doofenshmirtz left the room. For whatever reason, the platypus followed him. Probably also hungry, ready to eat leaves, meat or whatever platypus eat. Well, Perry seemed to eat many things, but then again, Perry was anything but a common animal.
So distracted he was, that he didn't notice the woman walking in front of him until too late.
"Oof! Sorry, sorry, I just…" he started before looking better at the woman.
For starters, she wasn't wearing the standard Chaldea uniform. Instead, she had a gray coat, orange suit, black pants, and heels. He found the arrangement a bit weird because of how cold it was. She also had red hair and an expression that seemed younger, likely in her late twenties, yet eyes that seemed too old for such a young face.
"Excuse me, I need my glasses."
The man blinked before noticing she was pointing at the object on his feet.
"You can't pick it?"
"...you are no gentleman," commented the woman, picking the glasses and putting them on her face.
Doofenshmirtz's eyes narrowed. Something seemed off.
"Who are you? I am new, but I never saw you around here."
The woman tapped her finger against the chin.
"Oh, you see…I am from accountability."
"Accountability?" asked Doofenshmirtz.
"Yes, accountability," said the woman. "See, a place like this needs a good accountant to keep things running smoothly, so I don't go out that much. Lots of numbers to arrange food, materials, personnel…you know, those things. I am practically a secretary."
"So…why are you not dressed in Chaldea's uniform?" he questioned, still skeptical.
"Ah, isn't it a break day?" she argued. "I thought there would be no issue in walking around with comfier clothes on a break day. Nothing in the code that forbids that, right?"
"Well, I don't know it all…" mumbled Doofenshmirtz. "Waaaait, the director said a chick named Red would come here today to look around this place. Would you know something about that?"
The woman blinked for a second. The eyes of the platypus narrowed, his muscles tensing up.
"Nah, no relation at all," she said, her eyebrow twitching for a second. She picked something from her shirt's pocket. "See? Read my name out loud."
He did so, reading the name from the card.
"Touko Aozaki, accountant."
"See? Not Red, which is a stupid nickname, by the way," said Touko disgruntingly. "Ugh, I'm just so tired from all that…accounting stuff."
Doof nodded.
"You tell me. The last few days have been stressful for everyone, preparing to get all ready for that evaluation. I've been only here for a week and feel more tired than ever. And now we have some time to unwind…"
"Hm, so you are new, eh? What's your name?" asked Touko, curiosity coloring her voice.
"Heinz Doofenshmirtz, engineer," he said proudly. "And current archnemesis to Leonardo Da Vinci."
She raised her eyebrow ever so slightly.
"Is that so? I was so deep in work that I heard nothing of that. As we have some time, how about you tell me more about that?"
"...well, I'm hungry, so-"
"Oh, no trouble," she said, picking a few energetic bars from her inner pockets. "I always manage to sneak those things here, they are quite tasty when you stay awake until late. How about that?"
"...hm. Give me one."
She did so. Doof opened it and took a bite out of it.
"Those are pretty good bars," he said, nodding in satisfaction and approval. "Alright, let's go to my room. Better not to disturb the evaluators if they pass here."
Touko smiled innocently.
"Oh, you won't need to worry about that."
Olga knew something was wrong when Lev Lainur arrived one hour earlier.
The encounter with the evaluators was supposed to begin precisely at the start of the afternoon after the workers ate their lunch and moved to their rooms to leave free reign for the review to begin. She had, of course, selected a few of the best workers to give reports on the situation of Chaldea, but at the end of the day, the core of the visit was to see if the equipment was up to par for the campaign.
And then Lev entered her office, almost panicking.
"Lev? You were supposed to accompany the evaluators!"
"I'm sorry, Olga," said the man. "I provided that the UN evaluator reaches here on time, but we have other issues."
She quickly noticed he only mentioned one person.
"Where is the Red?" she said, paling.
"I don't know, one moment we were together on the plane and in the hotel, and the next thing she did was ask a few questions about Chaldea that I didn't see any harm answering, and then she was gone!"
For the last month, Lev Lainur had been away from Chaldea, serving as their emissary in the dialogues with the Mage's Association and the United Nations. He provided the information that the Red magus, Touko Aozaki, would be coming to evaluate Chaldea.
"Why would she do that?" asked Olga, growing panicky. "Why, Lev? You were friends with her long ago: you should know something, right?"
"We were, in our time as students," he confirmed. "But I assure you that, even in that time, Touko was near impossible to follow. And she only grew more unpredictable as time went on. The Aozaki family has a talent for making troublesome sorcerers, don't you think?"
"Do you need to say? The best I can say is that they didn't find a way to bring the Blue here."
"Yeah, don't mention her sister in front of Touko…" warned the magus. "It seems because of a debt from Aoko that Touko ended up taking this gig. Or those were her words, anyway."
"A gig," said Olga Marie, flat-footed. "We are fighting for the sake of humanity, and Touko calls this a mere gig."
"Olga, we are talking about one of the world's best magi. Few things can faze her," said Lev.
"Even the disappearance of the future?"
"She was always more of a person to live in the present," said the man. "Which is an improvement from when she was younger, held back by her bitterness on losing the right to learn Blue to Aoko. And it's also a bit ironic, considering that her methods essentially allow her to keep going to the future."
The director sighed.
"Tell me something new. Do you think she's already here?"
"I fear to say I'm unable to answer that question," said Lev. "But I will do my damndest to find her and assure everything goes well."
The woman let out a tired smile. Having the ever-reliable Lev on her side made wonders for her nerves. Yes, everything would be fine with him here.
It always was.
"Go ahead," said Olga. "I will prepare to receive the envoy from the United Nations."
The man with the green hat bowed, leaving Olga to prepare.
Yes, everything would go well. What was the worst that Touko could do?
…
Better to be prepared, just in case. To avoid a catastrophe, she needed Lev to have all the resources available.
"Lev, there's one more thing I should say…"
Da Vinci tapped her fingers against the table.
"Romani, when is the damn popcorn getting ready?" she asked impatiently.
"Ten seconds! No need to get in a rush. Don't know why you are so excited about this."
She smirked.
"How couldn't I be?"
She pointed at the screen.
"It is a movie that has my name in it! How bad can it be?"
It was a wonder such a thing passed her radar for so long: it got released in 2006! She worked in Chaldea for years, yet only now had she heard of such a work!
It was probably Roman's work. He always wants to 'keep her ego in check' in his own words.
Well, too bad! A movie that had her name in it could never be bad! Sure, she had seen some bad stuff during the years, but this one would be fantastic!
Besides, it was as good as any time to enjoy some good old matinee: things wouldn't get easier with time, that was for sure.
Yes, just she, Roman, and-
Knock knock.
"Come in!"
Mash entered the room. Da Vinci had arranged for the day a small empty storage, to which she managed to soon build a small movie room with a large couch, a few cup holders, and a large television, customized by the Uomo Universale herself to be of the highest quality.
"Hello," said the final master of Team A. She had Fou up on her shoulder, as always. "You work fast, Da Vinci."
"Of course I do!" said the artist. "I would be a poor Caster if I couldn't build something as simple as a movie room."
"You like the sound of your voice, don't you?" asked Roman, putting the bowl with the popcorn on the table, plus some sweets and a soda bottle.
"Of course I do: it's my muse's voice!" said Da Vinci proudly. "And she's nothing less than the standard of beauty itself."
"...and the source of lots of confusion regarding how to refer to you," finished Romani.
It was still up in the air how Da Vinci identified sexually. On one hand, she was a man in life. On the other, he took the looks and sex of Lisa del Giocondo as a Servant. Yet, she answered to both pronouns, defaulting to female ones for the sake of the people around them.
From Romani's part, Da Vinci was Da Vinci: an eccentric spirit that could be whatever he/she/they wanted to be.
"Chop, chop, Romani! This movie won't see itself!"
The man looked at Mash, who shrugged. Yes, her…guardian (saying that he was her father sounded wrong, considering her origin) had a good reason not to say about that movie, but Mash never gave much thought to the matter.
It was a movie. Da Vinci would dislike it. What was so bad about it?
Romani could tell exactly why it would be so bad. Because Da Vinci just wasted everyone's time seeing a terrible movie in what could be one of their last occasions to be all together.
He should never have invited Da Vinci to watch flicks. It was the first thing that came to his head when Olga asked him to distract the Caster, yet he feared things could get out of control fast.
'I should start writing my testament…because I will be dead by the end of the day!'
The humans and their pet sat on the couch, almost like a family would - then again, you could argue they were a family.
"Well, let's see if you get me, Dan Brown!"
And she clicked to play the movie.
"And then mom said: 'Son, these are the wrong fungus!' and she threw me back into the woods with the angry weasels! And that's how I lost my left arm!"
Touko laughed.
"Damn, never knew that they could bite through metal!"
"Yeah, this is why my arms are made of titanium these days," he knocked twice against it. The flesh was so well-made that Touko only heard faint clangs. "A bit of artificial flesh to not walk around with two sticks as arms, and now I have arms that can resist the crunch of an industrial press."
She scratched her chin, putting her hands on the arm, feeling the metal in the bone.
"Man, maybe I should consider this for my next body…"
"What was that?"
"Nothing too much."
For once, Perry cursed Heinz's obliviousness. However, he also blamed Olga Marie for not giving him enough information to work.
The early morning had started well enough. Perry managed to infiltrate the man's room with ease, and he barely batted an eye to his presence. Thankfully, Norm wasn't on today, so he had free reign to watch the man silently.
And then Doof left his room, and everything went wrong because he didn't realize who they were talking with.
Don't get it wrong, Touko had been suspicious from the get-go in his eyes, but the secret agent had to admit that the excuses she used were passable to use against a newbie like Heinz and him - he only was wary thanks to having read all the files relating to the current staff of Chaldea, and realizing that there was no register for any secretaries.
Then Doofenshmirtz mentioned the Red, and the woman's reaction said all.
Perry should have looked for someone to help him, to drag that woman into the intended part for inspection. Instead, he followed suit, knowing that Doof had notoriously bad luck with women and expecting it to end fast. Few ladies could keep up with him for long.
Unfortunately, Touko Aozaki just happened to be compatible with Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
It wasn't even like with Charlene, his former wife, who saw the true nature of the man and tolerated many of his acts, yet at the end of the day, went peacefully in her way.
No, Touko was actively talking with Doofenshmirtz on the same wavelength.
He didn't know if he should be impressed or freaking out.
Now, he saw himself with another problem: leaving. At the start of the conversation, the woman subtly used the door's keyboard to order the door in the "Rest" configuration for the next hour, trapping both of them until the timer ran its time.
The silver lining in this mess was that Doof had yet to open his mouth about things too incriminating for Chaldea, but Perry didn't trust him to keep his mouth shut.
"Did you have to deal with this kind of shit all day?"
So far, Touko had attempted to get close to him by asking more about him - via trading funny stories about their past. So far, Perry had heard about how the magus made a pizza out of rice crackers and ox and chicken meat, something about a visit to her sister that destroyed an entire amusement park, and some tall tales about her time directing a contract agency, while Doof…well, he shared some of his backstories. Perry was pretty sure he only had heard, like, a tenth of them, but most ended with lots of trauma that would be enough to bring issues to any adult.
"You sure got dealt a rough patch in life," said Touko, drinking from a beer can she had stored inside her coat. "Like…man, are you sure your family ain't secretly a mage family or something like that? Because I think it's that brand of messed-up."
"You speak as if all magi got issues," said Doofenshmirtz, snacking on another bar.
"Well, not all of them…but trust me, the more you climb the ranks, the more messy things get. It's a pre-requisite, more like a…let's say, a symptom. But the ones that get far in the Clock Tower are those with control of themselves and able to employ their inner madness to do great things."
"So it's probably not the sort of life for me," said the mad scientist. "I only need little to set me off. Loud noises, squirrels, my annoying young brother-"
"I know, right?!" said Touko, the subject brought more emotion from her than others. Something Perry notes. "Younger siblings are the worst!"
"You have to deal with this kind of thing too?" asked Doofenshmirtz in a surprised tone. "Have to deal that your family favors your little brother who managed to become the mayor of the city you chose to live for the longest time, flashing that annoying white smile that you can't help but want to smear with a Brocolli-In-The-Middle-of-The-Teeth-Inator?!"
"...not that specifically," commented Touko. "But, in their infinite wisdom, my grandfather decided to give our Magic Crest, not to me, the elder and responsible sibling, but to my brat of a sister! And after spending years training to obtain it!"
Perry made a quick mental check on the term. A Magic Crest was supposed to store the spells of all generations of a magi family and thus treated as serious business to transfer. Most of the time, the one acquiring the Crest would inevitably become the family head, lest unfortunate circumstances force a change of heirs.
"Damn, that's a stab in the back," said Doofenshmirtz, empathetic look on his face.
"I know, right?!" said Touko, the anger and volume of her voice increasing. "One of the great Magics, and that knucklehead uses it to destroy things like a damn brute! The Blue was not supposed to be used as an artillery cannon, dammit!"
"Nasty piece of work, those little siblings. One day you are king, then the next you are just 'some guy.' Except that I never even got to be king for long…"
"...your life sucks."
"Ah, it's not that bad, actually," said Doofenshmirtz assuringly. "I got a corporation that made lots of money, married and had a daughter, split peacefully with my wife, still seeing my daughter regularly, have a platypus archnemesis that is willing to throw down some card games from time to time."
"A platypus archnemesis? Is it a magical platypus?" asked Touko, eyebrows raised in interest.
"No, until I can see it's just a well-trained platypus that knows kung-fu. See, let me pick this little guy here."
Perry attempted to sneak away, but Doof picked him up and put him on the table.
"See? He's just like this little guy here."
"I don't think platypi are supposed to be that color," said the magus, touching the mammal's fur. "Isn't it brown or something?"
"The platypus back in Danville are all like that," said Doofenshmirtz. "Don't ask me why, natural selection is a weird thing, I can't see how being teal protects you against predators. Anyway…"
He moved to his suitcase, picking a ragged brown hat and putting it on Perry's head.
"See?" he said. "He and his other animal buddies wore those, and they have some spy gadgets in it. And they also serve as pretty deadly frisbees."
"Interesting," said Touko, looking deeply into Perry's eyes. Years of training allowed him to stare straight at someone while looking as if he was looking somewhere else. "Can't see this little thing being threatening if I'm honest, though."
"Oh, I didn't see it as threatening either. Until he kicked my ass," said Doofenshmirtz admittedly, his voice sounding longing instead of heating. "First time attempting to do my thing as an evil scientist. The Neighbor on the lower floor was making too much noise with his parties, so I created a Party-Pooper-Inator to ruin him and any other parties that annoyed me, and then use that to dominate the Tri-State Area. Then this sub-aquatic mammal comes crashing through my window, passes me a letter, and while I'm reading disables my Inator. And that was the moment where I started installing all sorts of traps in my home to catch him on arrival, but that platypus is like Houdini, or something like that."
"...still can't see it," said Touko, putting the platypus in the ground, where he shook off the old hat from his head.
"Trust me, you would learn if you had to deal with that almost all day," said Doof.
"I mean, it's a platypus. Can't be all that hard to get rid of it permanently," commented the magus.
"Get rid of it? Well, I probably would be open to that idea early on," admitted Doofenshmirtz. "But he always came to watch on me, more than anyone else. After a time, we became archnemesis and each other's best frenemies - a combo of friend and enemy,"
"First time hearing the words," mumbled Touko. "So, you said that you worked in these Inators. Is that why you were hired?"
Perry's blood went cold, as he watched with attention what was about to happen.
"Well, not exactly. A letter reached me a few weeks back, saying they got an interest in my set of skills, and to work as an engineer here."
"Ohoh?" said the magi. "And how is life being here?"
The man snarled.
"Terrible! You wouldn't have an idea of how many pranks I've been a target of!"
Yes, that was what Perry feared. Heinz would obviously mouth off what the other employees did in payback for him for the last week and-
Touko crossed her legs and put a finger on the chin.
"Is that so? Any reason why would that happen?"
Doofenshmirtz scratched the back of his head.
"Well, I accidentally blew up the coffee machine that everyone liked to use so-"
SLAP!
"Fool!" said Touko, suddenly furious. "No wonder everyone is out for your blood!"
Perry blinked. Well, that was not a development he expected.
"Oh, don't tell me you are also crazy for coffee!" said Heinz whiningly, holding his pained cheek she slapped on.
"I say it, and with pride!" retorted back the former Aozaki heir in a strict tone, looking rather serious for the first time. "You just don't get it, right? Coffee is the force that moves any worker, Heinz Doofenshmirtz!"
She lifted from her seat, put her hands on her hips, and moved her face close to the man.
"It's coffee that pushes you through that night when you have to crunch and finish your work! It's coffee, with its bitter taste, that keeps you awake and alive to face the challenges of the world! It's a drink that can be customized in any way you want! Yes, in this modern world, the true king, the one that wears the crown and dominates our society, is coffee!"
The two kept staring at each other for a few seconds, Doof struck still in shock. Touko, after a few seconds, seemed to realize how close the two of them were and moved away.
"Er…sorry. My point is, that you deserved what you got, Heinz. Sorry, but it's true."
"Ahn? Oh, yeah, I guess," said the man, still a bit stunned.
What did Perry just see? For a moment, he could almost tell there was…no, it couldn't be.
Love is not something that happens at first sight. It's just a myth!
Yet, the two adults now stared at each other, awkwardly.
"Again, sorry," said Touko, her voice apologetic. "I am passionate about coffee. It helped me through some hard times."
"It's alright, it's alright…" said Doofenshmirtz, kindly reassuring her despite the earlier actions.
Another moment of silence.
"So…mad scientist type, right?" she asked, breaking the awkwardness between the two. "Do you have any invention here or…?"
It worked as he pointed at Norm.
"My assistant/platypus slayer/sorta son. Well, he's the one to say the latter part more. I can't activate him today, though. Nor create any other Inators. All because, if I do so and things go wrong, I'm getting kicked out of here and will be forced to return to America."
"What is the problem with that?"
"I am banned from creating Inators for a year in North America."
"But why?"
"Apparently, because I turned a Democrat into an elephant rather than a donkey."
Touko barked a laugh.
"Hah! Serves them right to pick such dumb symbols for their mascots. At least choose American animals like turkeys or something."
"Yeah, I never got why they chose those two animals to represent their groups…" said Doofenshmirtz, pondering.
"Some old story from…dunno, 1800, or something," said the magus. "Someone decided it would be funny to represent the groups with animals. The metaphors fly over my head, though."
The two stood in silence for a bit. Then, Touko said:
"Ugh, this is getting too awkward now."
She moved to the door and opened it.
"Follow me."
Doofenshmirtz and Perry blinked.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You said you were an evil scientist or something. Now I want to see you doing some Inators. Don't tell anyone, but I have this friend that has a friend that has a cousin saying the evaluators won't arrive for at least half an hour. Do you think you could show me something meanwhile?"
The man raised his finger in objection, then lowered it, used it to take a booger, threw it away, then scratched his chin - only to stop a moment later, because he was using the same finger he used to take a booger out of the nose.
"Ew, me!" said Doof. "Well, not sure if I should…"
"I didn't hear that you couldn't~" sings Touko persuasively. "Come on, what is life without some measure of risk?"
The mad scientist hummed. Perry shook his head.
"Sure, let's do it!" said the man, his face beaming. "Thirty minutes adventure, let's go!"
If he could do it, then the secret agent would have slapped his face. Why things were so hard when he was undercover?
"Well, take way," said Touko.
"Huh? But why-"
She tapped her finger against his head.
"Gentleman, doofus. Didn't your mother teach…" she paused. "Yeah, never mind, don't think that lady was in any mood to teach any manners to you. Still, would you?"
The man shrugged it off.
"Ah, why not," he said, making way as Touko followed him, humming what seemed to be a vaguely familiar theme for Perry. Why would she hum a Pokemon opening, though?
Questions for later. As the duo left his view, Perry put himself on two feet and started running. He needed to find-
"Oh?"
The platypus bumped into a man wearing green robes. He picked the small animal and raised it to his eye level.
"Are you the secret agent that Olga spoke about?"
Perry's eyes widened slightly. The magus chuckled.
"Don't worry, I do not plan to reveal this to anyone. Olga wouldn't reveal this if I wasn't trustworthy, anyway, don't you agree?"
He mumbled over the argument. Yes, the woman seemed the type that wouldn't reveal anything to anyone undeserving of confidence, but…
What was that feeling of wrongness around him?
"Now, I know you were looking for this Doofenshmirtz figure. Where's he?"
He looked around, then, noticing something in Lev's pockets, he pulled out his red handkerchief.
"Hm? What are you…"
Perry then pointed at Doof's room and then to the handkerchief, repeating the motion thrice.
"Red…Doofenshmirtz…" his eyes widened slightly. "Oh no. This…is not good, is it?"
'Oh…we are fucked.'
The last thing that anyone wants to see is an angry Servant.
Servants were the apex of the Familiar type of magecraft: incarnations of legendary spirits brought back to the living to serve the whims of their Master. Yet, they also were figures with autonomous thought. If you made them angry at you, then you were utterly screwed because few things could stop an angry Servant when riled up.
And Da Vinci was livid.
"In nome di Dio, cos'era quel pezzo di merda?!" snarled the very livid Caster.
"Da Vinci?!" said Mash, looking scandalized while holding Fou in between her arms. "I don't know what you said, but it sounded like a plague!"
The artist blinked before sighing.
"Remember me to amp our Italian language class, Mash, dear," she said before turning her wrath to the television. "But this is an abomination! Abomination, I tell you!"
"You should calm down, Leona…" begged Romani.
"Give me one reason to do so, and I will think about it."
Roman had many reasons. Unfortunately, he chose the worst one.
"The book is…alright?"
Silence.
"THERE IS A BOOK?!"
"Doctor, I think you just angered her more!" said Mash, panicky.
"I can see it!" said the man, exasperated, while simultaneously making a mental note to apologize later.
Leonardo put her fingers on her forehead, distressed.
"To think…to think such abominations were beneath my eyes this whole time! That's it, I can't take this!"
She dematerialized into energy, but Romani knew where she was going.
"Mash, quick! We need to stop Da Vinci before the inspections see her!"
The man didn't know when they would arrive, but they had to stop her from doing something regrettable.
"Y-yes!" gagged the girl, lifting from the couch. Fou jumped on her shoulder as the two ran to her workshop.
Some people would say that anger is not a mood that favors creativity.
Da Vinci begged to disagree. Anger was an incredible fuel to create: the issue is that most people couldn't channel it productively, but she was not most people. She was the Uomo Universale!
Now she only needed to find a way to channel that into something productive. Maybe a monument to shame Dan Brown for writing that miserable book? Maybe a scathing critique that puts the director's name in the mud?
As one could see, Da Vinci was in a vengeful mood as she slid to her workshop…only to be stopped by a sound coming from the engineering room.
'What? Who is working in this place when the director explicitly said-'
Da Vinci stopped herself. Of course, there was only one man willful enough to defy direct orders from the Director!
"Heinz Doofenshmirtz, what are you-"
"Shush."
Leonardo Da Vinci was never, ever shushed in his life. So, being the target of such treatment stunned her for a moment as she analyzed the situation.
Heinz was messing with a…pencil? She saw the glint of chrome, so, for whatever reason, the new engineer was building a pencil. A woman with red hair was at his side - the one to silence her out and someone Da Vinci didn't recognize at all.
The Caster nearly went to strike the invader down before Doof lifted his creation.
"Tahdah!"
Again, it was a pencil, but now she had a clearer sight.
"Is that a twist and write pencil?"
Indeed, it looked like the kind of pencil that a small child would have. Da Vinci knew that because Roman gave one to Mash when she was still learning to write and read.
"Hey, I'm a sucker for those," said the red-haired lady, the invader. Something about her appearance bothered the Servant, but why?
"It's not just a twist and write pencil, silly," said Doofenshmirtz. He pointed at a metal block on the other side of the room. "Behold!"
He pressed a button and threw the object. At the top of its arc, the pencil popped a mini-turbine (somehow) and boosted into the metallic square, hitting it.
BOOM!
In the moment of impact, it blew up, destroying the target!
"So? What do you think of my rocket pencils that blow like real rockets?" asked Doofenshmirtz hopefully.
The woman clapped her hands like an English lady would.
"Bravo, bravo!" Her voice holds much enthusiasm. "You are pretty good, indeed. Are you sure you are not a magician, though? I'm still baffled how you put so much in so little space."
"That's a secret for me only. Sorry, not sorry."
Da Vinci scoffed.
"Child's play. Only a metal block? I could build something capable of busting a wall."
Doof stared at Da Vinci. Da Vinci stared at Doof. Touko could see the sparkles flying, her mind connecting the dots.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz was a genius. So was Leonardo Da Vinci. What happens when you put two people that know how good they are against each other?
A dick-measuring contest, that's what (well, the Caster seemed dickless at the moment but Touko wouldn't make assumptions over that). A pretty common sight in the Clock Tower - wounded pride and all that crap.
However, Touko felt this time she would have some fun.
"Alright, let's put down the law," said the woman authoritatively. "Ten minutes. You can use anything in this room to make your…let's call it Pencil Rockets, will we? The one I judge the more destructive wins. Am I clear?"
In normal circumstances, Caster wouldn't agree to such demands. Who was that woman to order her around like that?
But, as said before, anger is a powerful fuel for creativity. Not only that, but the stake on the line was her pride as an inventor. Something that she valued above almost all else.
As such, without a thought, the greatest inventor of the Renaissance and one of the top three greatest inventors of the current day said:
"Challenge accepted!"
And, as if it was rehearsed, the two flew to opposite sides of the room, picking tools in the middle of the way to create their unorthodox projectiles.
One had the advantage of being superhuman, a force of nature. For each step her opponent gave, she did three. Her hands flew into a storm that yet retained a sense of order, of being able to distinguish each step in the journey.
Her opponent was only human: yet, he possessed an indefatigable spirit. Whereas most would despair at the sight of what Da Vinci could do in a short time, he instead moved as fast as he could, throwing thing after thing to create that weapon. If one could see his eyes, they would see the glint of madness that came from challenging something bigger than itself, but it wasn't anything that Heinz was unfamiliar with: his whole life was challenging impossible odd after impossible odd, and this was no different.
Touko watched that dance with a mix of fascination and shock. One thing was seeing a genius like Leonardo da Vinci working: Touko would already say that suggesting the challenge was worth it for that, but to see that funny man matching her toe for toe was something else.
Touko was not too experienced with Servants, but she knew they were spiritual beings of great capability - it came from being defining historical figures. But to see a modern human matching skills toe to toe…
The door opened.
"Oh, hi, Lev!"
The man in the tophat carried Doofenshmirtz's platypus for whatever reason, and he had a worried expression.
"Touko, what are you doing?"
"What, this is the first thing you say after seeing an old friend?" chimed the Red magus. "Come on, take a seat!"
"First, we saw each other yesterday," said the man. "Second, how did you even get to Chaldea so fast?"
She watched the man with care. 'Hm…dealing with Gaison, then.'
Lev had an interesting character trait: multiple personalities. From what he told her many years ago, it was something coming from his father's side of the family: the creation of alter egos that allow for different perspectives in dealing with many issues. Through the years, however, she only knew three pseudonyms: the one she interacted with for most of her youth, the academic Lev Uvall; one that refused to say its actual name, but she characterized as a big worrywart; and his "work face" Lainur Gaison, the one that liked her the least of them all.
"Well, it's a rather complicated story," started the woman. "You see, I got bored."
Lainur took a deep breath.
"Always a dangerous thing."
She smirked.
"Yeah, yeah. So, I got bored, waiting in that boring room close to the airport, so I walked through the base. Was bored out of my mind and noticed a helicopter carrying a few supplies to Chaldea. So I, as an inspector, decided to make a surprise inspection and get this done with. Distracted the employees, emptied one of the boxes, and got in. You guys need better security, by the way. Just saying."
"I…I will have that in mind," said Lainur, sighing.
"Anyways, after that, I faked my identity, moved around vents, then bumped into the mad doctor over there," she pointed at Doofenshmirtz who was, for whatever reason, using a chain to work on a damn pencil. "He seemed a cool guy, so we spoke a bit, I convinced him to weaponize a pencil. Cool stuff."
Her friend took a deep breath. "Touko, what part of that is even evaluative?"
"I am evaluating things, you know!" protested the woman. "The painting in this place is dour, the coffee tastes great, the engineering seems to be in good hands, and the security is shit. But we are in-between nowhere and some colony of polar bears, so I say that this fits the primary criteria that the Clock Tower asked me to judge, analyzing if there's any chance of leaks about the existence of magic from the part of this institution."
She took a juice box from her coat and attempted to drink it, but then frowned.
"Damn, the bar didn't freeze, but the juice did? I should have asked for a microwave machine."
At this moment, Romani entered the room, soon followed by Mash and Fou.
"Professor Lev!" said the girl. "We heard explosions, what is going on?"
Romani, however, focused on the other person in the room.
"The Red!" He yelped.
The eye of the red-haired woman twitched.
"You have a lot of nerve to call me by that name right in my face," said Touko, slowly raising her hand. "Do that again, and I will have your body split ways with the head in the most prejudicial - OW!"
From Da Vinci's worktable, a hammer flew, hitting the magus in the side of the head.
"Hey, that would have killed someone normal, you know!" replied the Red magus, annoyed.
"Good thing you are anything but normal!" said Da Vinci. "And stop bothering the poor doctor, he's such a nervous wreck most of the time that he can't help but say the worst possible thing to the worst possible persons."
The woman scratched her chin.
"I'll forgive him if you make the better explosion."
"Please, do it!" said Romani, pale as a ghost.
"Doctor, that's exactly the opposite of what we should do!" said Mash, exasperated.
"Hm? Who said that?" asked Heinz, taking his eyes out of the workbench for a second. "Oh, Romani! You didn't tell me you had a daughter?"
"Why was that your first conclusion?!" asked the exasperated doctor. "We don't even look alike!"
"Dunno," he said, honestly - much to the man's consternation. Mash also seemed flustered.
"You're not wrong!" said Da Vinci. "Mash here lived her whole life in Chaldea. Romani cared for her so much you could consider him her mother!"
"Why am I the mother?!"
"Because you're never wearing the pants in any relationship you get into!"
The man crumbled, feeling the critical hit to his man's pride. Mash approached the man, attempting to soothe the blow, and even Fou and the mysterious platypus comforted him with their presence. Lainur looked at the situation with growing exasperation.
"Does this look like a circus to you, Touko?" Her response was a carefree grin.
"Nah, more like one of those puppet theaters you find on the streets. Short, but fun. And speaking of short…one minute left!"
Somehow, the two inventors went even faster and with more ferocity - maybe to compensate for the lost time. By the end of the last minute, both had their twist pencils ready for trial.
"This is stupid," said Lainur, looking so done.
"No, no, you didn't see how things are," she said, smirking. "Now, the moment of truth."
Silence.
"Wait, I was so distracted watching you guys that I forgot to set the targets!" said the woman, a bit abashed.
"I shall provide them, then," said Da Vinci, summoning a metallic glove to her hand. She pointed at a mountain of scrap, and a beam came out of the contraption, dragging the pieces into a small mound. "Alright, with that out of the way-"
The two inventors stepped to test their inventions. Silence.
"Hey, I was the one to set the target," said the Servant, her smile too sweet. "Step off."
"Nah," said Heinz, grinning evilly. "Trust me, once you see my explosion, you will be forced to recognize that I did the superior product."
"Hmph," said the Servant. "Took the words straight out of my mouth. If you think a mind of my caliber will be surpassed even in such a crass task like this, you are mistaken."
"Oh yeah?!
"Yeah!"
As the two inventors discussed, Mash looked at the situation confused.
"What is happening here?"
Lainur put his hand on his face.
"This, Mash, is what people call trash-talking. Trust me, if you ever visit the Clock Tower, you'll find this is a common sight. But I expected Leonardo to be better than this!"
"Did you?" asked Romani, snapping out of his state of shock.
Silence.
"...well, I never expected anyone to cause this behavior from her," he corrected. "Still, I insist she should have been the greater one in this…petty fight!"
"Hey, Lainur, if she wants to pick a fight, she gets a fight," said Touko. "And I'm all here for it."
The two inventors kept discussing, all others observing the discussion. Only Fou and Lainur realized that one certain platypus disappeared during the commotion.
Perry was nearly run over by Olga Marie.
The director of Chaldea and the secret agent crossed paths in the middle of the corridor to the engineering room. The woman was pale.
"Oh god, they are there, aren't they?"
The platypus nodded. Picking the same tissue he used earlier, he pointed at it, then at the room. Somehow, Olga went even more pale.
"And the Red is in that room too?!" she shrieked. "Oh, for fuck's sake!"
"Is there any issues, Animusphere?"
The girl slowly turned to face an Asian man with a face scarred in the line of the nose and on the right side of the cheek.
"Ah…it's nothing at all, Kashiwagi-san," said Olga Marie, in a carefully neutral voice.
The man turned his attention to Perry.
"Oh, hello, Agent P," he bowed slightly. "As I'm sure you are aware, I am Councillor Shunsuke Kashiwagi, of the Security Council. Major Monogram spoke highly of you."
The secret agent also bowed his head respectfully.
"Now, as I was saying, I feel it's not 'nothing at all' as you put it, lady Animusphere," said the chairman. "Sure, so far, Chaldea seems to have some of the finest work environments I have ever seen in all my years. I must leave no stone unturned to be assured Chaldea is the best possible place for its mission. And hearing explosions for no reason is, understandably, quite a worrisome prospect."
"You don't tell me…" mumbled the Director to herself. "Look, it's nothing to worry about, just…two of my employees deciding to work here for whatever reason, even though I said it was a rest day. We have quite a few workaholics in Chaldea, you know, hahaha!"
Her laugh was so forced that Perry cringed in response.
"Hm…would one of these workers be Heinz Doofenshmirtz?" asked Kashiwagi, looking nonplussed. "If so, I insist on my request. I've been informed that he's rather prone to…shenanigans. Is this correct, agent?"
The platypus made a sign of 'more or less.'
"W-well…" started Olga, her mind racing.
"Did you call for me, Director?"
She looked at the man behind the inspector and simultaneously decided in her head: 'Go for it.'
"Ah, Peperoncino!" said Olga Marie, forcing a smile. "Right on time! I would be very grateful if you could entertain Councilman Kashiwagi with tales of the training you underwent to be a Master while I go give a very stern talking to those engineers!"
The Team A Master winked at Olga.
"Ah, it is my pleasure, hon - er, Director," he corrected himself. "Well, I suppose we should start from the beginning…"
Kashiwagi attempted to follow Olga and Perry - now hatless - but Pepe put himself repeatedly in front of him, talking his mouth off about the training.
"Oof…rather lucky that Pepe was passing by," remarked Olga. "He's weird but reliable, so we have a few minutes to solve this crisis. Let's-"
BOOOOOOOM!
She stopped in her tracks. Oh dear. The girl moved to the door of the room, and she felt the wind slipping through. And how cold it was.
"Oh dear…" she said in a haunted tone.
She opened the door.
And felt the below-zero winds slapping her face.
"CLOSE THE DAMN HOLE!" howled Romani, protecting Mash with his body.
"WE'RE ON IT!" said Heinz, currently holding a blowtorch while Da Vinci carried a massive metal plate to block the wind.
"GODDAMMIT, MY JUICE IS COLD!" said Touko.
"STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR JUICE!" said Lev - no, Lainur.
"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUK!" howled Fou, currently protecting under one of the tables.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Olga screams, completely outraged.
"MISS DIRECTOR!" said Da Vinci. "ONE SECOND!"
It took more than one second. Olga counted sixty - a minute - which would still be an impressive feat if it wasn't for the fact that the Director was utterly livid.
"All I asked was for ONE day without these petty wars of yours!" she said exasperated. "And I turn my back for a few hours, and what do I find? What do you two have to say in your defense?"
The two inventors looked at each other.
"I blame Dan Brown," said the Caster.
"This lady wanted to see my inventions," said Doofenshmirtz, pointing to Touko. "What is the verdict, by the way?"
"Don't-!"
"Shush," interrupted Touko, both stunning and incensing the director. "After deliberate analysis, I conclude that you two launched the pencils at the same time, and therefore, I am unable to make an accurate judgment without VAR. Did anyone have a camera out?"
No one confirmed.
"So. I'm forced to declare a tie," concluded the magus. "Sorry, but if it's any consolation, I give the combined blast a purple out of blue. Aoko would give her thumbs up at that level of collateral damage."
"Cool!" said Doofenshmirtz, appeased, and Touko's smirk widened ever so slightly. Olga felt Perry shivering at her side for whatever reason, but she ignored it.
"Not cool! Not cool at all!" said Romani, a mortified expression on his face. "You two nearly blew everyone's eardrums with that stunt!"
"Not mine," said Heinz. "Should have thought about this happening and substituted yours with mechanical ones. Ever thought of that?"
Everyone - even Touko - looked at him with confusion. Well, everyone, less Perry, but only Olga noticed that.
"Hey, I get close to explosions all the time!" protested the mad scientist.
"Well, I will give that one to you, this time," admitted Leonardo. "I only didn't get deaf because I am more than human. Props to you."
"I'm the winner, I'm the winner~!" sang Doofenshmirtz.
"Keep going like that, and you will be a loser instead," cut off Olga angrily. "Do you know how much deep shit we are?! Once Councilman Kashiwagi gets wind of this, there's no way he will approve Chaldea's operations! You two buffoons may have ruined a twenty years plan in the time of six hours, all to fool around with some stupid gadget! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS?!"
Even Da Vinci flinched in the face of Olga Marie's wrath. Her face was red, some tears running through her face - she would deny that happened later, but everyone saw it.
Then she felt a cold hand on her shoulder.
"We lie out of our asses."
Silence.
"What," asked Lainur.
"We lie out of our asses," repeated Doofenshmirtz. "Simple as that."
Footsteps from the corridor.
"Follow my lead," said the mad doctor as the door opened to Councilman Kashiwagi and Pepe.
"What battle just happened here?" asked Kashiwagi. "Lady Olga Marie, things most certainly look not fine here."
The director was about to answer before Heinz said:
"We had a miniature fight."
Silence. Once again, everyone but Perry stared at Heinz.
"A…miniature fight?"
"A miniature fight," said Heinz simply, putting his arm around Da Vinci's neck. "You see, me and this gal…or guy…dunno…have this rivalry going on."
"Too close," she said, pushing the man away.
"Sorry. As I was saying, we are rivals. So I decided to challenge her to something I'm pretty good at: miniature war."
"Miniature war?" repeated Kashiwagi.
"Miniature war," nodded Heinz.
"Is that even a thing, doctor?" whispered Mash.
"I mean, I heard there's some tabletop games that use statues to represent the playable units," replied the man. "But this is too farfetched; how does he expect us to-"
"Yeah, units just like these."
From her back, she pulled out a wood statue that had an uncanny resemblance with a Renaissance Marksman.
"See here?" she said. "Part of my group, the Esercito Universale, themed similarly to armies of my time."
Kashiwagi analyzed the statue.
"You just made this," he accused.
The Servant laughed it off.
"Of course I did, we created these only today as part of the challenge!" a glint of amusement appeared in her eyes. "Unless you mean that I created it right now? Do you have any proof to sustain that?"
He thought over it. The evaluator got so focused on Heinz's absurd affirmation that he didn't-
"Yeah, I also have one right here, look!"
And speaking of the devil, the man raised a figure in futuristic purple and green armor that held a plunger - for whatever reason.
"This is Doofenshmirtz Plumbing Incorporated, here to clean all those medieval sewers. They even have a jingle, listen!"
"Doofenshmirtz Plumbing Incorporated!" said a voice in his pocket.
"See? Pretty good."
"...I see," said Kashiwagi, still blank-faced. "So where's the remainder of the army?"
"Isn't it obvious?" interrupted Lainur, deciding to roll with it. "Look around you, sir. All these destroyed objects? All the remains of their armies."
"Y-yeah!" gagged Roman. "Mash and I saw everything get blown away, didn't we?"
"Y-yeah!" agreed Mash.
"Fou!" said Fou.
"I was under the impression that such games don't involve explosions," countered Kashiwagi.
Da Vinci snorted.
"Councilman, please. You are face to face with two geniuses. Do you think we would have a mundane match? It's the exact reason we hosted the game here: no one is present today, and lots of space to throw blasts while also being easy to fix."
"Ah, but did your boss know what was going on here?" said the man.
Silence. People looked at each other, waiting for someone to speak.
"That's what I thought. Lady Olga Marie, I fear we may have to-"
"I did."
Silence. People turned to face Touko.
"You did?" repeated Kashiwagi, his eyebrow barely raised.
"I did," said the older Aozaki. "It sounded fun and a good way to evaluate the mechanical prowess of Chaldea. Sure it got a bit out of hand, but it showed me what I wanted."
"I am…keenly aware that your kin holds little interest in modern technology as the norm," said the Councilman. "So forgive me for being a bit skeptical."
The red-haired woman smirked.
"Good thing all the rules have an exception to prove it. Maybe I am that one."
'Bullshit,' thought Lainur. 'You use technology more than the average magus, but you don't give a rat's ass on how it works.'
As if reading his thoughts - Lainur wouldn't put it above the woman - Touko gave a slow wink.
"So…you say that you sneaked inside this base, and, avoiding being detected by the director, and allowed these people to do their little wargames. That's a massive security breach still. How have you even got here, by the way?"
"Supply run," she said unashamedly.
Olga Marie frowned.
"Wait, this makes no sense. Our men are trained to resist most attempts of hypnotism and last time we counted, our supplies weren't missing any numbers. So how did you…?"
Touko held her arm and pulled it.
CREEK!
The left arm fell, limp. Then, her magic circuits lit in the injured area, healing the broken arm in the space of seconds.
"Any more questions?" asked Touko.
"...what are you?" asked Doofenshmirtz, amazed, touching her formerly broken arm. "Now that I feel it, what's down here it's not natural bone, but it can't be metal, yet to be so flexible, so resilient, so-"
"Hey, hey, no touching me there until at least the fourth date, Heinz!" said the magus playfully. "I am a magus that specializes in the usage of puppet bodies, and this is one such body."
"A…puppet? Like in "sock puppet"?"
The woman raised an eyebrow.
"Does it look like someone is manipulating me like a meat sock? To be more accurate, think of the type that uses wire to move. I use many techniques to look human in all regards."
"Touko is rather infamous for that, you see," added Lainur. "So much that she got a Sealing Designation for being capable of making such bodies."
"Hmph. Assholes only made things harder for me," groaned the woman. "And they don't even have the nerve to suspend the Designation while I'm doing their work. I suffered three assassination attempts while we were on the flight from Moscow!"
"So that was the source of all that screaming…" said Kashiwagi, shaking his head. "Enough chit-chat. Touko Aozaki, did you allow this mess to happen, yes or no?"
"Yeah, all my fault," she half-lied: it was technically her fault that the pens were made in the first place. "Maybe I should have put a lid on when things escalated…but it amused me, so I let it continue."
"Seems about right from what I heard from you…" said Olga Marie grumpily, but a glare from the Red quickly shut her up.
"Hush. We'll talk later. For now, be assured that these two won't blow Chaldea's roof unless asked."
"Well-" started Doof, only for Da Vinci to put her hand on his mouth, giving a serene smile
"We won't. Absolutely no risk of that ever happening."
Kashiwagi seemed understandably skeptical. Touko sighed.
"Look, if I didn't put my nose where I shouldn't, we would have a boring walk through the base and have seen that everything is fine and dandy. So put that one in my account and let's keep going, capisce?"
He narrowed his eyes.
"Still, the fact that such slight even happened in the first place is-"
Touko grabbed the man by the collar and, with a burst of strength, pinned him to the wall.
"What the hell are you-?!" started Olga, appalled.
"Again, shush," interrupted Touko. "Geez, you are a lousy one, ain't you?"
The white-haired woman went red in anger, looking less like a person and more like a pepper.
"You…you…you…!"
"I am awesome, thank you," she said off-handedly, before looking at Kashiwagi. "As for you, I get that you're not a bad guy. Just doing your job. But lemme lay down the law: if this place doesn't get past the authorization test, I will have to return here, because those fuckers in the Clock Tower had the nerve to freeze my accounts until Chaldea's evaluation ends. So, we can either do this the easy way…or the hard way."
Her grin was positively predatorial.
"And I love doing things the hard way. So, what do you choose?"
To his credit, Kashiwagi managed to keep his composure, even as Touko strangled him. However, he eventually decided that standing for his morals was more trouble than worth it against that woman.
"Alright, I yield," he said. "I shall give my approval for Chaldea to work."
Touko glared at him for one more second, before dropping the man on the ground and smiling sweetly.
"See? Everything can be solved with some good old talk."
"Touko, every time you see your sister, you two somehow end up trying to kill each other," stated Lainur, deadpan.
"We are talking! It's your fault that you can't understand the peculiarities of how women work," she huffed.
"Indeed. Most mysterious beings in the world, the women," nodded Heinz sagely. "I can barely understand what my daughter thinks half of the time."
Everyone looked at a particularly interesting blot in the ground.
"Oh, sod off!" protested the scientist. "If women are mysterious beings, then teenage girls are even more!"
Kashiwagi lifted from the ground, patting imaginary dust from his clothes.
"Now, don't be a dick and try to backstab me," said Touko. "I always get my man - or woman -when they try to trick me. Or this one friend of mine will. A quick death, but she will probably also wreck your belongings in the way, so."
"Duly noted," said the chairman. "And you had a point in that everything else was fine. I…shall record this as an unrelated incident and leave it at that. Is this alright with you, lady Olga?"
The girl coughed a bit and straightened up.
"It is…acceptable," she decided, glaring at Doofenshmirtz and Da Vinci on the side. She had some words to tell to the two geniuses of Chaldea, but at least the situation was salvaged this time. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Kashiwagi-san."
The man bowed respectfully.
"I accept these apologies, even though any wounds I may have got were from another person's part," he looked at Touko, who blew him a raspberry. "Alas, I feel that it would be better to leave this as fast as I can. I have the strong sensation I'm unwelcome under this roof."
The Red shook her head.
"Yeah, yeah, don't even need to wait for me. Sayonara, bye, adeus, ciao, choose your word. I still have to solve some matters here."
She gave a predatory grin to Olga, who gulped.
"Like dealing with a certain someone that has been mouthing shit about me."
And Olga knew she was screwed.
A few hours later.
Doof wondered how long that would take.
After Kashiwagi left Chaldea, the first thing that happened was Touko pulling Olga to her office - and, in turn, the director pulling Da Vinci and Doofenshmirtz for the newest round of earfuls in the week. He only hoped he didn't lose his job this time.
Or maybe his punishment was staying still in his seat while Da Vinci used her Servant bullshit to dematerialize and become formless. So unfair. He wanted to have invented a Materialize-Inator to make her suffer the same pain he currently was suffering - ignoring the fact Servants are naturally more resistant than humans and couldn't get tired.
Then again, Heinz was never someone to think about why he does what he does. Something angered him, and he created a machine to get revenge. Perry appeared to stop his ploy/point out how ridiculous it was, and the invention blew in his face, as he screamed to the heavens: 'Curse you, Perry the Platypus!'
Well, it used to be that way, but the part that Doofenshmirtz didn't put much forward thinking in his actions still held truth to an extent.
So lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the figure sitting by his side.
"How is my favorite mad scientist doing?"
Heinz looked at Touko, then blinked in surprise.
"Do you know other mad scientists?"
"One or two," she admitted. "But they were jackasses with their heads up their asses. So I fed them to a demon I held in a mallet."
"Pretty cool," admitted the scientist. "And brutal. Listen, I think the director is-"
"Your director…needs a few minutes alone," said Touko. "Girl just finished bargaining why I shouldn't end her life right here and there for using my nickname like that. At least she didn't use the other one…"
"You have two nicknames? That's sick! What is it?"
Her expression darkened.
"Don't. Just don't, or I will have to kill you."
The man gulped.
"Alright, not asking anymore. Probably is something embarrassing…" he muttered under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing at all."
The two adults stood silent until Touko spoke:
"Look, this is a rare thing from me, but I'm sorry for tricking you."
"What is rare?" asked Heinz. "Apologizing for tricking people?"
"Apologizing overall," said Touko, her face softened by guilt. "I trick many people, this is another part of being a magus. So, you usually suck it up and keep going, but I feel a bit bad this time. Picked on a newbie and ran you ragged - though to be fair, it's not like I made an active effort to hide my secret after the first time," she closed her right eye. "For a supervillain, you sure are not the most perceptive person, eh?"
"Well…"
He didn't want to speak about how easily Perry always fooled him, daily. In hindsight the disguises were obvious, but in his defense, Danville could be a weirder place than any Inator Heinz could muster. He remembered that one time when he saw on the horizon this giant piece of Swiss cheese with a roller-coaster passing through it, only to disappear a few hours later. He remembered that well, it was when he hypnotized Perry to be his butler and one of O.W.C.A's humans appeared disguised as a squirrel for some reason.
Ah, he missed Perry.
"It's no big deal," he said, waving his hand affably. "Though can't say I was really happy about that. I'm in some hot water because of this escapade."
Touko shrugged.
"Eh, not as much as you think. I moved some sticks and made the girl there let you off the hook. Besides engineering work, you'll have to participate in cleaning the facility for next week. Tons of work, but overall you got a slap on the wrist."
"...well, better than scrubbing the floor of a ship with a toothbrush," he said before sighing.
"Isn't this a thing from movies?" asked Touko.
"Ask the captain in the ship that brought me to America, then," he retorted with a smirk.
The puppeteer laughed.
"Ah, you're a riot, Heinz Doofenshmirtz," she said, smiling. "You know what? Here's a deal. Remember what I said earlier about dates?"
The man blinked.
"Yeah, why do you-"
From her coat, Touko took out a notepad with a pen, wrote a few things on it, and passed it to him.
"Let's see if you reach the fourth, eh?" she said with a wink, and only now he realized the meaning of that piece of paper, his face red.
"I…ahm…err…"
"Hey, don't be like that," she said, her smile now soothing. "We only got out once, don't ruin the image I built of you already as a daredevil," she stretched her arms. "Well, don't forget to call me. See ya around, Heinz."
Her eyes went white, and her body was limp and falling on the ground. Startled, Doof jumped to catch it.
"Hey, what happened? Hey!"
"She's fine."
Olga Marie walked out of the room, looking exhausted.
"It was part of our deal. She is going to leave this body behind because 'I don't want to travel twelve hours again' " she said in falsetto. "And is going to order a friend to catch it. As if Chaldea was a postal…Argh, it pisses me off!"
The man stepped back, a bit scared.
"Do you still want to talk or…"
"Leave," she ordered. "And by the time we are ready to present yourselves, I want to see my face in every single toilet lid. Do I make myself clear?"
"C-crystal clear!" he gagged. And then he noticed the female form in his hands. "What about…"
He saw a wicked shine in Olga's eyes. "Put it wherever you want. Her fault for not specifying where to put the damn thing."
"...alright," said the man, carrying Touko's body. "I will leave you alone."
"Good."
"Good."
"GOOD."
"GOOD."
"GET OUT OF MY FACE!"
The man ran from the room, Touko's head bouncing against the wall close to the door.
"Sorry!" said Doofenshmirtz shrilly.
Once she was sure no one was close, Olga moved to her office and ordered the doors to close. Then she sat down at her table. Then, she took something from under it.
Wine. A Louis Roederer Brut that Marisbury bought years before his death. One of the oldest in their lot, even.
The preparation for the reception, the stress once she realized the most dreaded magus of the modern age was missing, the fact that Heinz nearly put all to lose because of said sorceress, the talk…
And the cherry on the shit sundae.
Touko Aozaki was lovey-dovey with Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Picking a glass, she popped it open and poured a cup for herself.
It wouldn't be the last of the night.
"Man, I feel as if a few of my hairs went white after today," said Romani, passing the hair through his hand.
"Let's see…" said Da Vinci, looking at the man's head. "Nope, the same mess of ginger again."
"You can't say that with just a glance!" protested the doctor, only to Mash state:
"But doctor…it would be way easy to see it, and yet it's not there. Besides, isn't it good to have less white hair?"
"...on second thought, yay to that," said the man, only for Da Vinci to give a teasing smile.
"Now that I think about it, I'm seeing a white hairlock there…"
"Where, where?!"
As the trio shared laughs, Lev watched the scene from afar.
"Ah, it all ended well in the end, didn't it?"
On his side was one of the Masters of Team A, Scandinavia Peperoncino.
"Easy for you to say," said the man, drinking from his cup. "You slipped out of everyone's sight when things got heated."
"Oh, I felt everything would be alright," said the pink-haired man. "Besides, I had a meeting with the other masters of Team A, so I couldn't exactly miss it, could I? Helping the boss-lady was just a nice bonus."
The man in green raised his eyebrow.
"Are you saying you're a clairvoyant now?"
"No, just that I'm good at reading people," said Peperoncino with a teasing smile. "Never met anyone I couldn't understand like an open book…well, except Daybit, but we all know he's hardly normal."
The man scratched his chin.
"Is Da Vinci still hellbent on getting Dan Brown?"
"No, Romani and Mash made her abandon the vendetta," said Lainur. "For now, anyway. For good measure, we're also blocking the other movies in the trilogy from general access. We don't need a Crusade on her part. She would probably dominate the world that way."
It wasn't even a joke: Pioneer of Stars was such a powerful ability Da Vinci could probably do that all while eating a raspberry sundae if she so wished.
"Eh, it would be fun to see our mad doctors fighting over control of it, at least," said Peperoncion. "Anyway, thanks for the talk, Lev. What do you plan to do now?"
"Oh, I have some…loose strings to tie over Touko's invasion," said Lev. "Don't worry, I shall squash them in a second."
"If you say so…good luck, then," said Pepe, waving while smiling. "Gotta have my beauty nap, after all."
After one final goodbye, the two went their separate ways. Lev walked through hall after hall of Chaldea, eventually settling in one of the bathrooms. He put his hand in the sink and stared at his reflection.
"Thought you were smart, didn't you?"
The image in the mirror changed. A sad man stared at the grinning magus.
"Oh, it took us way too long to catch it," said Gaison. "But smartypants was too clever for your tricks."
"While asleep, you took reign of this body, fooling even us," said Uvall. "Setting things so that one of the most wrathful magi appeared here, even setting Aoko to build a debt so big she wouldn't have a choice but to pass it to Touko, knowing her personality."
"Yet, we are one," said Gaison. "You forgot that, and this doomed your plan. That, and the pharmacist's words. Hahaha! The human folly."
The hands flipped from the sink, attempting to engage the user in a self-strangling. Yet, midway, they stopped.
"Flauros, Flauros, Flauros," said Lainur. "You should have done this before. The wretched heart of yours was your demise. Now, we take back control over this body of ours."
The man in the mirror cried.
"Don't! Don't doom humanity for that! You will throw away everything that-"
"All that matters is obedience to our king," interrupted Lainur. "And even then, you fail. After all, you also organized for Touko to arrive undetected, didn't you? Don't play the fool: we heard the cook's complaints about an unplanned delivery. It can only mean that he received an unforeseen cargo. And Touko's ID? Someone had to have put a note to bypass the password in the computer and ordered the press to spill them."
The hands moved, attempting to continue the move against Lev.
"All in a feeble way to avoid fate. Chaldea will fall by our hands, Mr.Flauros. It's not a matter of it: it's a when. Your acts merely would delay the inevitable and not for too long. The actions of a facet are irrelevant in the large scheme of things."
His grin became devilish. The hand held still.
"Now…be a good boy, and repeat: we are one."
The image in the mirror seemed to resist, but after a long minute, he said:
"We are one."
"We are one," said Lev Uvall, the magus.
"We are one," said Lainur Gaison, the professional.
"We are one," said Mr.Flauros, the human.
He closed his eyes and opened them, completely red.
"We are one," said Flauros, the Demon Pillar.
Lev closed his eyes again. He had a cold smile on his face. "Good to see we have an understanding, gentlemen. May we continue on the same page…forever."
He walked out of the room, his head finally rid of the annoying voice of conscience. Yet, his troubles didn't end there.
"Gyurururururu…"
Perry left the cabin he was hiding in.
He didn't know what was happening, but Lev was not trustworthy. The platypus didn't know his plans but…
His fist clenched.
He would be damned on letting things go easy peasy to him.
642
Underdog Emiya
Feb 28, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 5 - Burning Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Mar 11, 2024
#300
Chapter 5: Burning Star
A week flew by quickly.
Doofenshmirtz thought it was because he was busy clearing every bathroom in Chaldea.
And there were quite a few. Besides the general ones, some people had private ones - mostly the heads and the Team A masters, totaling around twenty bathrooms around the installation.
Oh well. At least Olga allowed Norm to help.
"FATHER, I CLEARED THE WOMAN'S BATHROOM," he said, his face dirty with dust. "BUT THERE WAS SOMEONE INSIDE."
"...you didn't look at them while they were doing their things, did you?"
"He did," said a woman with blue hair who just appeared, looking dead. "Keep your machine away from bathrooms. I literally will not forget this."
The woman walked away.
"I don't think she knows what 'literally' means," chirped Heinz. "Well, how many other bathrooms do we have to clean, Norm?"
"CALCULATING…DR. D, IM HAPPY TO SAY WE HAVE ZERO BATHROOMS TO CLEAN."
"Finally!" he said, walking away from the female bathroom to enter the male's room. He wanted a shower. "Stay here. I need to remove the chlorine smell from me, and I'm not in the mood to create a Dechlorini-Inator."
The robotic son dutifully obeyed, sitting on the ground as his father entered the room…only to leave it a second later.
"Stay here, I forgot to get my bath stuff."
And obey he did. The machine stood in the corridor, looking like a statue - which wasn't inaccurate.
"Fou?" he felt something climbing the metal, looking to analyze the new visitor.
"ANALYZING…SPECIES UNKNOWN. HELLO, LITTLE CRITTER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
"Fou!"
"CALCULATING…NO KNOWN ANIMAL LANGUAGE TO COMMUNICATE. ANALYZING…ARE YOU A PLATYPUS?"
"Fou, fou!" the little beast seemed offended at the comment, tapping his little paw against Norm's arm in protest.
"CALCULATING…0,0001% CHANCE OF BEING A PLATYPUS. PONDERING IF ANTI-AGENT P PROTOCOLS ARE NEEDED…"
Slowly, his hand started to morph…
"Fou, where is-" said a feminine voice before staring at the machine. "Oh, hello, Norm-senpai."
The machine stared at the pink-haired girl.
"ANALYZING…HELLO, MASH KYRIELIGHT. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?"
"Fou!"
The small animal - that somehow climbed to the top of the robot's head - jumped from the top into the loving arms of his favorite caretaker.
"You know who I am?"
"I KNOW EVERYTHING…THAT I GOT FROM THE LOCAL NETWORK. SO I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE HERE…EXCEPT WHAT SPECIES IS THAT DOG."
"It's not a dog, it's…" she lifted Fou, looking at him with a questioning expression. "I don't know what Fou is supposed to be, but he looks like a rabbit, if this helps."
"Fou, fou!" said the not-rabbit, twitching its head.
"What are you doing here, Norm-senpai?"
"ANALYZING TERM…SENPAI: JAPANESE TERM TO DEFER TO AN OLDER PERSON RESPECTFULLY. HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
"I-I am sixteen," she gagged a bit.
"CURIOUS," he twitched his head. "THEN WHY CALL ME SENPAI? I'M BARELY TWO YEARS OLD."
"And yet you lived in the outside world more than I did," she replied. "You are my senior in regards to world experience."
"FACTUATING STATEMENT…FLAWLESS LOGIC. I ACCEPT THIS LOGIC, MASH-KOUHAI."
The girl blushed slightly.
"Ahm…thanks. It would be nice if we could talk more often. Spending time with Doctor Doofenshmirtz seems to lead to interesting stories."
"INDEED, DR.D HAS SOME OF THE WACKIEST ADVENTURES YOU'LL MEET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ATLANTIC. THIS REMINDS ME OF ONE CERTAIN CLIP-"
"Norm, don't you dare!"
Doofenshmirtz ran into the corridor, glaring at his machine.
"You will not tell anyone about that clip, got it?"
"GOT IT. I WILL NOT SPEAK OF THE CLIP WHERE-"
With surprising speed, he moved close to the chest, opened the chest panel, and removed the squirrel that powered it, shutting off the machine. The squirrel bit the finger in protest but did nothing against Heinz's metallic hands.
"Sorry, not sorry," he said before turning to Mash. "Oh, it's Romani's not-daughter!"
Again, the girl blushed.
"I am curious from where you took this conclusion, Doofenshmirtz-san…but Doctor Romani is my caretaker."
"Hm, are you Japanese, Mash?" asked Heinz. "I heard you using a few words to talk with Norm."
The girl shook her head.
"No, I always lived in Chaldea, but Doctor has an enjoyment for oriental media, like anime and…idols," she said the last part with some contempt. "So I ended up catching many habits from it as well."
"I see, I see…Cultural osmosis and all that…" mumbled the mad scientist. "Wait, you lived your whole life here? Doesn't seem like a good place for a child to be."
"I am…hardly…a normal child, sir," said Mash softly. "I'm something akin to a homunculus, an artificial life form."
"A homunculus…" Doof's mind searched for the term in his head. "A being created with magic, like a designer baby?"
"I fear to be unfamiliar with the term…" said the girl.
"Oh, it's just a concept, where the genetic make-up of an embryo gets altered to correct genetic anomalies. It's simple, though I only heard of it as a theory. Magic really can do some interesting things, eh? No health issues, nothing like that?"
"...not that I know," she said after a long pause.
If the man suspected anything, he didn't say it.
"Good, good, even cloning is already a complicated business, let alone making a whole new being. So, I heard you are one of the Masters, right?"
The girl nodded.
"Yes. I am the final member of Team A, led by Wodime-san. I'm…more of a support member, if anything."
"Oh, don't be like that," said the older man with a supportive smile. "I'm sure you have a big role in the team. I heard they are supposed to be the best of the Masters, right?"
"I'm…not really that great," she said, looking modest. "Each of the masters in Team A is either strong as a magi or has something to add in the battlefield. Me? I never stepped outside this facility."
"This Debbie downer attitude won't do you any favors, you know," said the man, gesturing at her encouragingly. "Smile! You're young and will have time to make great things in the future…how old are you again?"
"Sixteen," she informed him.
"Sixteen? Maybe I should introduce you to Vanessa one of these days…though there's also that contract and all…" he slapped his face. "Ah, Vanessa! I nearly forgot to see if it was ready already!"
He ran away from Mash before returning sheepishly.
"Ah right, I need to shower first. Good talk, kid. I'm sure great things will come for you."
With that, he entered the bathroom… where the squirrel he still held went on a rampage.
"Ow, ow, sorry, I'm serious! Don't need to scratch me there! No, not in the pants, not in the pants, aaaah-!"
Mash felt a bead of sweat running through her forehead. Fou shook his head.
"Fou, fou…"
"Yes, I suppose it's better to let Doof-san have privacy."
Still, she had to wonder.
What things awaited her as a Master?
Next morning…
'...it's today.'
Olga Marie couldn't believe it herself.
Three grueling years of work. Of being dismissed as an annoyance, a snub child who was given her daddy's work to finish. Three years of being treated like trash.
All led to this day.
She let the water flowing from the sink pass through her fingers, throwing the cold liquid in her face. Two dark circles were around her eyes, the result of a restless week running around and making sure that everything was ready.
Machinery? Top of the line.
Security? Very much enhanced after the incident with Touko, and it would only improve.
Doofenshmirtz? Until now, contained, with Da Vinci also being forced back into her workshop for final preparations.
Healthcare? Good.
Everything was fine…
…yet why couldn't she relax?
It was a big day. All the work she and her father put into making their dreams come true would give fruit today. She was supposed to be happy. So why? Why did she feel so down?
Maybe because she knew it was only one step into the big journey to solve the mystery of the disappearance of the future. Even knowing about its existence for years, they had yet to figure out the why. Their only clue was Singularity F, but only now they could study it.
'No, it doesn't sound right. It is worrisome, but I worry about something else. What?'
Doofenshmirtz? Well, he seemed to be behaving recently, but who knows what that madman will do next. She only hoped the new work rate would rein in his worst tendencies.
'Ah, Daybit, what did you see in that man: he's nothing but trouble!' thought Olga despairingly, then shook her head. It still was her choice to pull the trigger and hire the inventor. Oh, how she wished to be able to rayshift and change the mind of her foolish self!
Change.
Yes, now she was getting somewhere. Change. Why did that matter? Things would change in Chaldea, yes. They already began with most of the Masters appearing in the building, talking, interacting, and trading ideas.
'Speaking off, the last master is supposed to be a civilian, right? Wonder if they are already here.'
She shook her head. Thought for later. What did she expect to change?
'...right in front of you,' she sighed.
Yes, there was something she had to deal with all the days since taking charge as the new director of Chaldea. Olga wasn't blind to it.
The stares. The small talk. The veiled insults. The subtle yet recognizable dismissal.
People respected Marisbury Animusphere. He returned alive from the Grail War in Fuyuki with a ludicrous fortune and a dream. Even those who hated him the most couldn't help but call him a visionary, a brilliant mind who united men and women all around the globe into a think tank that became bigger than its part alone and who tragically lost his life under mysterious circumstances.
Everyone expected Kirschtaria Wodime to take charge. A modern genius in his area, someone so talented that he supplanted the traditional guidelines for the passage of knowledge amongst magi and became the Animusphere heir and, some dared to say, one day would surpass even Lord Barthomeloi with his prowess.
Instead, Marisbury's choice, in his will, had been her. His blood daughter. Yet, many would argue it was the worst possible choice. Not only was she but a speck of dust when put against Kirschtaria -then again, it was an accomplished magus against someone who still studied in the halls of the Clock Tower, it was like comparing a puddle to a lake. Not only that, but she also became the new Lord of the Astronomy Department by default, even though Kirschtaria, a chairman, was also considered the best in the area.
Further muddling things, the passage process was a muddy and brutal affair. Many questioned her right to take such important positions, leading to many examinations, judgments even two or three assassination attempts.
(But she knew the truth. No one gave a rat's ass on who was the Director. All they wanted was a new piece in the political games of the Clock Tower, something to tip the scales.)
The Animusphere, thankfully, still had lots of generational support that provided enough support to guarantee her inheritance. But, by the time she was the uncontested director of Chaldea, everyone only knew her as "Marisbury's daughter" or, more pejoratively, "daddy's little girl."
It didn't help that she sensed people didn't take things as seriously as they should…
Olga cared for everyone that was under Chaldea's employ. She felt it was the least she could do to be a good boss. In exchange, the woman demanded the best out of everyone. Either you gave it your all, or you shouldn't be there because it was how the Animusphere went through her days, and it was an attitude not too different from her father's.
Yet, it caused her to be hated and vilified.
Why? What in her person made people have such a different reaction?
She never knew. Maybe if some of the friends she made in the Clock Tower were there, they could tell her, but Olga never had time to call El-Melloi ('the Second,' she added mentally) or any other people. She would take even Edelfelt at this point, but nothing.
At least she had Lev. Always reliable, Lev. He never let her down and was the only person she could talk to without reservations. Thank the lord for Lev's presence in her life, or she would have gone crazy.
But, she was still Chaldea's Director by the end of the day, a burden she couldn't share with anyone else. A legacy of almost two decades, the fate of millions, the preservation of Human Order…
All laid into a woman that couldn't even rayshift or call a Servant of her own.
Her hands were red. At some point, her nails started to cut the palm. Sighing, she focused on healing the wounds, the cuts slowly patching up.
"Gyurururu?"
She jumped a bit, startled by the platypus with the brown hat.
"When did you…" started the woman before Perry pointed at the ventilation system. The magus grimaced. She hadn't listened to it. "Get out of here, I-"
The platypus pointed at her hands. She hid them behind, glaring at the mammal.
"It's none of your business, agent. You should be watching Heinz Doofenshmirtz, not invading my- what is that in your hands?"
The secret agent rolled his eyes, showing the cell phone.
"Hm, pretty fancy…but I don't get how-"
And then the screen turned on.
"Phew! Finally done with that," said Doofenshmirtz. "Keep the signal strong, Norm!"
"AYE, DR.D! THE PASSWORD IS: S.I.M.P."
"I didn't remember installing comedy modules in your program," grumbled the doctor. "Having a Squirrel In My Pants is no laughing matter, y'know?"
"IT IS WHEN YOU SEE FROM A CERTAIN WAY. HAHA!"
"...did you also install a sadism module?"
Doof shook his head. It didn't matter now. It took way more than it should, thanks to being busy between cleaning toilets and working as an engineer, but he finished the job.
"Is the signal amplifier being uncomfortable to you, Norm?"
The machine had a large antenna sprouting from his head to the top of the room.
"I CAN'T FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, FATHER. HOWEVER, THIS IMPLEMENT CAN CAUSE A NUMBER IN MY BALANCE."
"Good thing I made it retractable, then," said Heinz. "Once I figure out a more permanent solution, I will remove this."
Fun fact: wi-fi in the Poles was awful. Even satellite connection is not all that reliable - at least in Heinz's eyes.
Besides, he wanted space for personal talk, so he made a device to better his signal. It took lots of sweat, but now he could run the notebook he brought with himself with top-notch speed and barely any issues.
All to talk with one person.
"Come on, come on…" he said nervously.
Doof sent a message saying he would attempt to communicate by that time. His only hope was that he didn't confuse the fuses and-
It picked up.
"Dad?" answered Vanessa.
"Hi, sweetie!" said Doofenshmirtz happily. "I'm not seeing you, can you open the camera?"
A few seconds later, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz stared at her father, but…
"Sweetheart, why is your face painted purple?"
She picked a towel from the side and started clearing her face.
"Sorry. The kids on the side started playing paintball and some friends I invited to study here got roped into this. Guess that cleaning the house distracted me more than I thought."
"The Flynn-Fletcher, eh?" said Heinz. "Lawrence always says his sons are always up to do fantastic things. A paintball fight in the courtyard! Hahaha!"
The girl looked away for a moment. She didn't want to tell about the small complex that Phineas and Ferb built, and got destroyed when their big, brute friend - Buford, she remembered - somehow triggered a paint nuke that sent the whole thing flying right before their mother arrived home carrying paint to repaint the house.
She supposed there was a reason why Candace eventually gave up on trying to show their mom these things. Even with her dad on the other side of the world, things kept happening to make those inventions disappear, and it wasn't even summer!
"Yeah, I suppose you could say that," said the girl. "At least Monty had fun."
Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes.
"Ugh, him."
It took a long time for Doof to digest that his precious daughter was hanging out with the son of Monogram. At least she had the tact not to bring him home because otherwise, Doof would likely have built an Inator to send him to Mars or turn him into a cockroach.
That was not too bad of an idea, he should take notes…
"Dad?"
"Oh, sorry, sweetie, just thinking," said Heinz, faking innocence. "Keep going. How are things there?"
"Is this on? One, two, one, two…"
Olga kept staring at the man on the phone, confused.
"Who…who are you, and how is this transmission up in the air?"
"Oh, it's working…" grumbled the man. "Agent P, you could have said something."
The platypus shrugged.
"Alright, I could have figured for myself, but it would be nice to receive a warning. In any case, hello, Olga Marie Animusphere. I am Perry's chief, Major Monogram, and this meeting is possible thanks to Doofenshmirtz - in more ways than one."
She stared at the man, confused. He coughed.
"Physically, Heinz Doofenshmirtz created a device to strengthen the signal of his connection to talk with his daughter in America. Perry saw an opportunity to hijack the service for us to speak too - but we can only speak for as long as he speaks."
"Gyurururu."
"Yes, I know Heinz will want to know how Vanessa is doing, but she's not the talking type to keep things simple. And this lollygagging only wastes precious time. So, I wish to council with you, Director of Chaldea. Is this a bad time?"
Her shoulders slumped.
"Well, I was hoping to rest a little before the start of service…but sure, let's talk."
She sat on her bed, Perry jumping on top of it, holding the device. Then she grabbed the cup and took a long sip out of it.
"Alright, let's get this done. What do you want?" asked the girl, her voice low and controlled.
"Youth these days is so grumpy…" mumbled the Major before coughing. "Well, I suppose a report of how Heinz is acting will be a good start. Perry sent a few documents, but hearing from your mouth would-"
The dam broke.
"Oh, I have a lot to say about that insufferable man! He caused so much chaos, and yet-!"
For the next ten minutes, she ranted about Heinz Doofenshmirtz. She made a glorious discourse that, summed up, called him one of the craziest persons Olga met in her entire life. Then, she recognized his genius for a moment before continuing to rant about how he made her want to climb walls with his petty rivalry with Caster, and then freak out at the memory of Touko Aozaki - Touko Aozaki, of all people -seemingly being interested in him as more than a one-time plaything, which was still the craziest thing she ever had seen, even surpassing the giant killer machine moved by a squirrel.
Red-faced, Olga is now panting after finally letting out the tirade she held since the mad scientist set foot on Chaldea.
"...so two normal weeks for Doofenshmirtz," said Monogram, nodding. "Good to know."
If Olga wasn't too busy recovering from the rant, her jaw would have dropped to the center of the Earth.
"A normal…week?!"
Perry nodded. Olga took a deep breath.
"What is an abnormal week, then?"
Monogram answered without hesitation.
"That depends: did he show any interest in breaking another law of physics?"
"...he installed a teleportation machine in his drink machine to never run out of material."
"Hm, seems fine enough to me," said the Major. "At least he's not taking anyone to Mars or something."
Perry looked away. Olga decided not to probe further because that was a rabbit hole she had no interest in delving into.
"Alright, why did you call me here?" asked the white-haired woman, losing her patience. "Just to tell me that it gets worse?!"
"Hm, now that you put it that way…" mumbled Monogram before shaking his head. "W-well, it was also to show the substitute for Agent P. Come here, Agent M."
The man stepped away to give space to…to…
"I can't see him," said the magus.
"Oh, right," said Monogram. "Carl, zoom it!"
"Aye, sir!"
They zoomed around 300%, before stopping to focus on a-
"Mosquito?!"
Indeed, it was a mosquito with a brown hat, tipping it with one of its tendrils. And this was what made Olga see red.
"Is this some sort of sick joke?!" she asks angrily. "You promise an agent to operate here and instead give me a joke?!"
"Hey, size matters not, you know," said Monogram advisingly. "Agent M is the perfect stealth-"
"Let me put it this way, you senile old fart," this elected a gasp from the other man in the room - Carl, she remembered, not that it mattered at all. "I am tired of being treated like that by everyone, like some afterthought! Either give me a good agent - I'm not even asking your best! - or take you and your animal buddies to the asylum you belong!"
Before Monogram could answer, she punched the space to finish the video. Perry stared at her, to which she lashed out:
"Don't look at me like that, you abnormal duck! What did you do to stop that man when he was out there doing crazy things, huh? You stood there without moving! Not doing your fucking job, not giving it all you have, like every single other person in this godforsaken place! There's only one person I can rely upon to do things right! One! And it's not me!"
His angry expression changed to one of worry. He attempted to pick a paper to write, but she pointed at the door.
"Leave. Now," said Olga heatedly, scorn on her face. "I'm tired of these games. I will officialize Doofenshmirtz's demission after today's reunion if that's what it takes to bring some peace to Chaldea."
Perry still moved to pick the paper, but he changed his mind about what to write. Then, taking out his hat, he left the room in his four feet.
Olga stood silent for a few more minutes before finally looking at what the secret agent had written:
"People are defined by more than by how hard they work: they also are defined by bonds."
She crushed the paper, snarling at that.
Bonds? What kind of bonds did she have? Only Lev.
Yes, Lev would never fail her…
"...and that's why I had to clear all the bathrooms in addition to my work charge," finished Doofenshmirtz.
Vanessa sighed.
"Honestly, Dad, you should know better than to get too engaged in these competitions: it never ends well for you."
The man nodded, hiding a sigh. His contract forbade him from speaking about the existence of magecraft to his daughter, but he managed to tell a heavily edited version of the events in the last week.
"But Vinci was speaking a lot of shit to me," he protested. "Thinking she's better than me, hmph."
"Ah, Dad," said the girl in black. "Will you ever stop being spiteful?'
"I've retired from active evil already: let's not make such big jumps," he said, raising his hands.
The teenager gave an amused smile.
"I guess it wouldn't be you if you weren't petty. But regardless, everything is fine there, right? Besides the whole extra work charge thing."
"Yeah, mostly. We will start operating this afternoon…which is probably late at night in Danville. I found many interesting people here, even a girl that lived her entire life inside these walls."
"In Antarctica?" asked the brown-haired girl, raising an eyebrow. "I find it hard to believe it."
"I know, right? She doesn't even know how polar bears behave. They taught that in Drusselstein! Drusselstein! We didn't have any polar bears there at all."
"Dad, it's Drusselstein," pointed out Vanessa. "You hardly got anything useful from school there."
"...that's a good point," he admitted. He frowned as he noticed the camera shaking a bit. "Is everything alright on your side? Things seem to be trembling a bit."
The girl looked around, alarmed.
"Everything is trembling here…" after a few minutes, it stopped. "Oh, that was weird. I don't remember the Tri-State Area being particularly vulnerable to earthquakes."
The scientist frowned.
"Me neither. It didn't stop me from creating bunkers for this occasion, though. There's one below my building and one in the house. Just pass for a biometric scan to enable it's opening, then call Charlene and whatever friends you have," he twists his nose. "Even Monty and his stupid father."
"Thanks, Dad," said Vanessa, looking touched and grateful. "But I will ask the kids on the side if they have anything that could identify what is going on. For all I know, we may as well be finally dealing with a society of mole people invading the surface."
"You are reading too many Fantastic Four," said Heinz, laughing at that. "Anyway, sleep with an eye open, sweetie. The last thing I want is to hear you got in the hospital because the house fell on top of you."
"I think worst things will happen if the house falls on me…" said the girl pointedly.
"Nonsense! You are a Doofenshmirtz: we take this kind of thing in stride."
"I guess fighting Agent P left you with a skewed perception of what a human can take as punishment…but thanks, Dad. Try not to get yourself fired."
"Pfft. As if!" he laughed it off. "Hope we can talk soon, sweetheart."
"...you should be talking so loud? I mean…"
Gesturing behind him, she pointed at the shape on the bunker add-on that Doof hastily built.
"Don't worry about it. Thankyoubye!"
He shut down the call before his daughter could ask more questions.
"Phew. I didn't even notice I forgot that there…" he said, feeling some sweat slipping through his forehead. "Too close of a call…"
He moved to look at Touko Aozaki's body.
After Olga left Doof with the task of storing the body of the woman safely, he had no idea what to do. It wasn't like that was an Inator he could put into some room in his building, this was a puppet body that was almost human in its structure!
So he put her in one of the empty rooms around the building. However, as more and more people came to occupy the rooms, he had no choice but to store her in his room while waiting for the person meant to take it away. As he didn't come a week after the fact, he now had to deal with the fact that his bunker buddy was…dead was not the right word. Unalive. Yes, the unalive body of a very dangerous magus was his bunker buddy.
A dangerous and pretty magus. His cheeks were still flushed from the meeting a week ago. He was used to being the one asking for dates, not the one being asked. And even in those cases, it mostly ended with him getting rejected with various degrees of kindness.
'No, Heinz, ignore her,' thought the man. 'Soon she will be out and…probably ignore me.'
The man wasn't even optimistic anymore in his shots in love. Life had a way to make him end up screwing anything he had built before.
He shook his head, looking at a clock. It was almost time for the reunion. Putting his clothes on, he walked out of his room, whistling the theme song of Matador del Amor - the only thing he could whistle without any issues. All the while, he mentally made some plans to create a teleportation machine. There were important and delicate things back in his building, and if an earthquake was going to hit Danville, he had to be sure nothing would be damaged or, in a worst-case scenario, cause more damage.
So distracted making plans, he didn't notice he bumped into a crouching figure before it was too late.
"Ouch!" said Mash, wincing.
"I should say that!" said Heinz, groaning. "At least I fell into something soft…"
As the man would learn, said something soft was a black-haired teenager. And Fou, who made his displeasure of being used as a pillow known.
"FOU KYU!" said the small dog/rabbit/thing, kicking the man in his nose.
"Ow, ow, ow!" said Doofenshmirtz, then frowning and putting his hands up. "Alright, furball, this is not my first rodeo! Put'em up! Put'em up!"
"Mister Doofenshmirtz, please don't engage in conflict with Fou!" pleaded Mash.
"Oww…"
The boy on the ground moaned in pain, opening his eyes slowly.
"So cold…"
Fou ignored the older man to focus on the boy.
"Fou, fou!" said the animal, licking the boy, who giggled.
"Hey there, little guy. You found me here…?"
Mash nodded.
"Yes. Fou guided me here, and then we found you. Do you make a habit of sleeping on the floor?"
He blinked twice, attempting to shake away the drowsiness in his body.
"No…not really. I remember being into this simulation with a green archer, this guy in spandex like some hero, and…dunno, King Arthur as a girl?"
Only now, the self-proclaimed evil scientist noticed what he did.
"Oh. Sorry for falling on top of you," said the mad scientist. "I haven't noticed Mash here in the way and I fell off. What is your name, kid?"
The boy lifted wobbling from the ground.
"Ritsuka…Ritsuka Fujimaru."
Perry wished to have told Olga his suspicions about Lev Lainur.
Olga wasn't wrong in saying he wasn't doing his job: the secret agent could do many things, but being in two places at the same time was not one of them.
And besides, he knew Doof inside out, and even he wouldn't be willing to risk his neck so much after last week's close call. Even if he did, the platypus was there to ensure his choice of machine wouldn't be as dangerous as it could be.
Lev Lainur, on the other hand? He was dangerous, his instincts told him. Those from years of acting as a special agent and his raw, pure animal instincts. There was something fundamentally wrong with him that rubbed on the mammal in all the wrong ways.
He had the Director's word that Lev was trustworthy, sure. But Perry noticed one very fundamental flaw in Olga's character.
She was alone.
The cargo of being the leader of a huge organization could be exhausting - Major Monogram came to mind, having to deal with hundreds of issues every day. A boss figure couldn't be too close to his employees: with Olga, however, things were too extreme, maybe because of the harshness of the magus society, along with a brutal inheritance process…that Perry had investigated thoroughly.
He remembered the awkward conversation that Lev had with his other personalities. The attempted sabotage of Chaldea. Lev Lainur had been a member of the organization for years now: what else could he have set up?
As it turns out, a lot.
Sure, Marisbury Animusphere had many enemies, but so many people jumped at the opportunity of obtaining resources from Chaldea out of nowhere. With the help of some London agents, he had a complete file of all the people involved in those proceedings and reached a perplexing conclusion.
Those numbers were too big.
An unwritten magi law was that a family's possessions always were passed to the next of the line. It wasn't set in stone, but many groups respected that fact, even if they were as likely as to stab the novice figure in the back. Sure, there was a whole debate with one Wodime figure that would take Marisbury's spot as a Lord, but still. To think so many jumped at the opportunity in a heartbeat…
It would only make the woman stand off even more, and not in a positive manner. Yet, whoever becomes close to Olga has unimaginable power over Chaldea. Like Lev did.
The one thing that Perry still didn't figure out was the why of all that. Political power? A work for a disgruntled magus? Or some agenda the mammal was unaware of?
Regardless, Perry knew something was fishy in all of this. All too sudden, convenient. Or was it? There was only one way forward to get answers: figuring out what was his game.
Even if he had to leave Chaldea after this, it would be worth it if he could unveil a plot against the organization.
Crawling through the vents, the secret agent again lamented the bad timing of Olga's breakdown: he hoped to get her help to investigate the matter. But as it was, the only way to get things done was clandestinely.
And that was without counting the itch he had in the back since morning. He didn't know if it was a flea or an allergy he triggered by accident, but the agent wouldn't let that get in the way of doing his work.
Yet, his job gave no fruit. Perry had been following Lev for a week already, and he didn't do anything else that seemed suspicious. It was rather frustrating, like watching someone below a piano held by an old rope. You know it will fall, but said person is so distracted that she practically ignores all your warnings, the rope slowly ripping itself apart.
(That happened to the boys once for an orchestra in the backyard. He had to fake being sick to make the ever-distracted Phineas get out of the way of a harp about to fall on him.)
But that mattered not. What mattered was that Lev would get away with whatever plan he was…
Lev went out of his way.
Humans were creatures of habit, that was a fact, And, for the last week, Perry watched Lev's routine with intensity: wake up, go eat breakfast, walk around checking on some of the finer equipment - mainly the SHEBA lens, his brainchild - speak with some people around the facility and end the day by reading a book and going to sleep.
Not only that, but the agent knew that was a path that led to the basement of Chaldea. Some technicians went there to check the wiring during the preparations for the review last week, and they did so again yesterday. So why was he going down there, when there was nothing to check?
Perry snapped his tongue. He didn't have time to look for a vent. As soon as the professor went downstairs, he dropped from one of the entrances and started following suit, going as silently as he possibly could.
Soon enough, they reached the end of the stairs, Lev a bit ahead of Perry. Once more, the platypus moved surreptitiously from hideout to hideout, never being caught once by Lev. All the while, Perry followed a mental map, thinking of their relative positioning based on the location and his time in the institution.
'Bathroom. Dining hall. Bathroom. One of the heads' rooms. Girl's bathroom. Hidden jacuzzi magi.'
Eventually, he stopped at the point below the Control Central Area, where the Masters would be deployed to rayshift. What was he doing here? Rayshifting wasn't even close to being his-
Perry's eyes widened, as the man picked his hat and, almost theatrically, pulled bombs from inside as if pulling a rabbit out of a hat. And it wasn't the only one, the place was infested with explosives, ready to set off at any minute.
It was worse than he thought. If Perry was right, then what Lev planned was-
CLANK!
An amateur mistake. Perry bumped into a metal bar on the ground. He looked at Lev, who didn't seem to have noticed the sound. In reality, however, years of training said a different tale by how his muscles tensed up.
"YOU-!"
He turned quickly and called forth a red ball that flew from his hands, but the platypus was already gone from his previous spot, running to the stairs.
"Heh. Too easy."
BZZT!
It took a moment for Perry to realize Lev tricked him as he fell, limp, onto the ground.
The man approached the green mammal, who couldn't even glare because of the paralysis.
"Liked my trap?" he asked with a vicious grin. "It tags anyone that enters here without my permission, and if anyone attempts to pass over it, they become unable to speak or move for ten minutes."
The agent's eyes widened in horror, noticing the man was right. He couldn't twitch a finger.
"Oh, poor secret agent got caught way off your depth, didn't you?" said the magus. "Thank you, Olga, for I wouldn't have put this defense if you hadn't warned me."
Silence.
"Oh, I don't see the appeal that madman sees in this talk," said Lev, scoffing. "You are just a dumb animal at the end of the day. I should kill you here and now…but I feel magnanimous today."
He picked up the paralyzed mammal and carried him to the space below the Central Room. Then, he pulled some of the metal bars around the room and started building a small cage around the platypus. A few minutes later, it was ready, completed with a large and heavy metal disk on top of the structure to stop him from leaving by going up.
"Now, here's my kindness for you," said Lev. "You'll get a free seat on top of the fireworks show to celebrate the beginning of the Incineration of Humanity."
He caught Perry's hat, twirling it around his finger. The numbness slowly disappeared, but the platypus knew it was too late to fight back.
"Enjoy the show, Perry the Platypus, for it shall be the last thing you'll see. Goodbye, Perry!"
The man laughed, walking away with his war trophy.
Ritsuka didn't know yet what to do about what was happening right now. In two days, his life flipped upside down, then back up, only to get turned upside down again.
He didn't think he had an interesting life. He lived in a small town in the interior of Japan, had average grades except in history, where he excelled at it, and was part of the volleyball team in school that even got to Nationals this one time. The most unusual things in his life were his now deceased World War II neighbor to whom he liked to talk a lot and the professor in his school who is a retired archaeologist and instilled much of his love for old history - and his obsession with the Tale of Genji, but that didn't matter much.
The point is that Ritsuka was an average teenager with an average family and, he liked to think, pretty good-natured. So, when this blood donation campaign started, he figured there was no reason not to contribute a bit and gave some of his.
And this is where things got odd.
A few days later, a bunch of men in black approach his house, offering a contract to work in Antarctica. It was a job that paid well, but Ritsuka was confused about why they went for him, someone barely about to leave high school with such a high-profile job.
And that was when they dropped the bomb.
Magic? Not a thing of books; it was real. Well, magecraft was. The people who introduced him to the concept seemed annoyed by him thinking those things were the same for whatever reason, but that was irrelevant. A magic organization called Chaldea existed, and he had this one trait that made him extremely desirable to become a Master - whatever that meant. The boy accepted, in part because he felt they wouldn't accept a no as an answer, and in part…
Hey, when people keep talking about protecting the world, you have to listen, right? Even if the present situation seemed something that came straight out of one of his light novels.
So Ritsuka accepted the offer, and less than two hours later, he got dragged to an airplane, where he couldn't sleep because he had to watch the video the men in black ordered him to see. And he saw it all to the last minute, before being dragged for another long trip to the base in-between nothingness and nowhere and having to do some weird tests (what Neutral Good was even supposed to mean?), including the whole "King Arthur is a girl" bit before being let out and promptly flopping on the floor.
It was a nice floor to sleep.
Regardless, he was soon found by the weird rabbit-dog beast - Fou was his name - and his -admittedly cute owner - Mash Kyrielight. And he promptly made acquaintances with this Doctor Doofenshmirtz who, although had a Germanic-looking name, was actually from the United States.
And for some reason, the girl kept calling him senpai. That was odd, considering he should be the kohai, but he felt there were bigger things to worry about than a possibly incorrect use of honorifics.
Like how the pharmacist guy was talking about earthquakes or something.
"Mister Doofenshmirtz, I don't think Miss Olga Marie would be too happy if you created a teleportation machine without her permission."
"Oh, she gets unhappy with many things," said Heinz, flapping his hand assuringly. "But this is useful! Instant transmission to any place in the world, think of the possibilities! She surely will forgive me this one time."
The girl shook her head.
"Sir, I believe you are doing what Da Vinci would call 'tempting fate.' Do not indulge in such practice."
'Da Vinci, like the artist? Huh, neat,' thought Ritsuka, before frowning. Wait, wasn't there that whole thing about familiars in the video? What was the name? It started with s…
He yawns. Damn jet lag. He wasn't a stranger to it, but Ritsuka was a person who had a gift for falling asleep in the weirdest positions.
"Are you alright, senpai?" asks Mash, concerned. She's a very sweet person.
"I…will handle it," he says. Still, such a situation wasn't too unknown to him. He had spent much time up until late, after all, it was only the jet lag that made things worse than normal.
"I could make an Energiz-Inator to put you up," offered Heinz. "Hand-sized, even."
"Mister Heinz…" she began.
"I need to make an inator, that upstart inventor mocks me by staying in her shop all day!" said Heinz, practically playing his hands like a villain. Is this pharmacist also an actor or just being dramatic?
"What seems to be the ruckus?"
A man dressed in a green dapper suit appeared in front of them. He was twirling a small brown hat on his fingers.
"Oh, Professor Lev," said Mash. "Excuse me, I met the new Master and…"
"Oh, you are the final Master?" said the man, raising his hand. "Much pleasure. I am Lev Lainur."
RItsuka shook his hand. It was a firm shake. His father used to say you can know a lot by how a man greets others, but the teenager wasn't too sure how that worked. At least he seemed polite.
"Heinz! How are you doing?"
The man seemed to snap out of a stupor.
"Uh? Fine, I guess," he pointed at the teenagers. "I just met these two and I needed some air, so."
"Ah, Touko's package," said the man, nodding. "She has the habit of taking a long time to get her belongings, I will try to make her rush a bit after the reunion if that sounds fine for you."
The brown-haired man nodded.
"It is," he pointed at the hat. "Where did you get that?"
"Hm?" he looked at the hat. "Oh, found it on the ground. Odd how small it is, isn't it? Sounds like something a midget would use," he scratched his chin.
The man narrowed his eyes, looking at it.
"Ah! I was missing that!" said the mad scientist, sounding shocked yet relieved.
Lev looked at the man weirdly.
"You were?"
"I had a hat as a gift from Perry the Platypus!" explained Heinz. "As a farewell gift. But Norm, the clumsy robot, managed to make it disappear! I looked all around and nothing!" he picked up the hat and whistled. "Pristine conditions too! Wow!"
"What use do you have for a hat so small, mister Doofenshmirtz?" asked Mash, confused.
"I think it's sort of a memory," said Ritsuka. "Something to remember his friend. But what was that about Perry being a Platypus?"
He shook his head dismissively.
"It's nothing important. All that matters is that I found it. Thank you, Lev!" said the man, shaking hands with the magus.
"No big deal," said Lev, seeming a bit cold now. Maybe Heinz wasn't popular around? "I heard the last member was to be a civilian. Is this you, Fujimaru?"
The teenager nodded.
"Yes, from Japan. Only learned about magic, like, two days ago. Or three, not so sure now."
The man frowns slightly.
"This is…highly irregular. But I suppose there must be something that caught their eye. In any case, I will investigate your circumstances and attempt to provide adequate compensation."
"...thank you," said Ritsuka politely. "I do not wish to press the issue, but I understand how it could be troublesome."
"Troublesome is a word," agreed Lev. "But that's enough about the future, now we must talk about the present…and past. Mash, Team A will lead the way to Singularity F, prepare yourself."
Her eyes widened.
"Ah! Thank you, professor. I will get ready! Hope we see each other again, senpai!"
With a small bow, the pink-haired girl left to join her companions.
"Singularity?" asked Ritsuka, looking lost.
"I suppose not all was revealed to you," said Lev. "Come, Olga Marie will officialize the opening of Chaldea."
Both the teenager and the older man followed the magus. Heinz seemed a bit distracted, looking at the hat. Ritsuka wondered what was passing through his head.
How didn't he notice it before? It was right in front of him, one of the classic blunders (together with never fighting a land war in Asia and never challenging a Sicilian to a death match) and he failed to see!
Alright, he could see why he wouldn't, considering he hadn't met Lev Lainur for much time, but now he could see it!
He was caught with the pants down at first by the sight: there was no way he wouldn't have recognized O.W.C.A's signature hat after so much time. The shock came from the how.
And then he remembered Olga Marie's mascot, and he got paralyzed by how it took that long to realize Perry had followed him. Well, probably it was Perry, but he wouldn't be surprised if O.W.C.A had other platypuses as secret agents, but…
Yeah, who was he trying to fool, it was Perry.
And after Heinz put a moving farewell message! Even with a musical! The nerve of that guy!
But he couldn't be mad at him, not in the slightest, because he just raised the greatest red flag against the Lainur guy.
He sat beside the Fujimaru kid, who seemed ready to sleep any second now, but Heinz wasn't focused on that issue.
Yes, Lev committed a fatal mistake. He sang victory before the time, Doofenshmirtz knew well about how that screwed someone over - a lesson learned by pain. But only knowing that Lev meant bad news was not enough. If something bad were to happen, it would happen today. But where and how?
Olga Marie walked and started her discourse, but Doof ignored her. Something nagged on him, but his mind was racing. He felt only he could do something about this. 'Think, think, what you remember that could-'
Well, his coat was slightly-
"You there!" said a livid Olga Marie. "Sleepyhead!"
The boy on his side jumped slightly. Doof wasn't even certain he could process the words of Olga Marie, stunned as he was.
"W-wha…?"
The director glared at him.
"So you think the fate of mankind is a matter that is so worthless it's worth to sleep through, eh, you bastard?" she snarled. "Then get out of here! We do not need people like you!"
The boy lifted from his seat and tried to walk away, sluggishly. Recognizing the issue, Mash lifted from her seat in the front row and went to help him, Fou dutifully by her side.
His mind started to slowly realize the issue. Olga was looking in Ritsuka's direction, which meant she was looking at him, which meant-
And then he looked at Olga Marie who was glaring daggers at him, and realized he was in hot water.
"And you. Wait for me in your quarters, I must treat a subject with you."
Heinz gulped.
Olga looked at Heinz. Heinz looked at Olga.
Doofenshmirtz thought the Director was at her scariest right now. She wasn't screaming or mouthing him: there was only this cold, silent wrath as she glanced over the room. Her eyes stopped on Touko's puppet for a second before moving to Norm and then to the array Doofenshmirtz mounted. Somehow, she didn't seem surprised. Maybe Perry told her about it? He couldn't tell.
"Listen, I know you're mad, but hear me out-"
"Shut up," said the magus, bluntly. "Just…shut up."
She used that moment to talk:
"Why are you like this?"
"Like what?" asked Heinz, confused.
"The way you are," she added. "Don't play the fool."
"I…genuinely don't understand what you mean."
"For god's sake, why are you such a weirdo?!" she snapped. "Why are you the way you are?"
He shrugged.
"It is how I am since the get-go," said the mad scientist. "I don't get what is so odd."
She takes a deep breath.
"You don't get it."
"...alright, I get it a bit," he admitted. "But it's who I am, simple as that."
"Of course it is," she said with an icy smile. "A man that fights a platypus as his main hobby."
"I do more things other than fight Perry!" he says defensively. "Speaking off, I have to-"
"Don't talk back to me, don't you understand what you put me through?!" she snapped completely, slamming her hand against the wall. "Everything was alright until you came here and started causing chaos! Almost every time since you stepped in this facility, there has been trouble after trouble, and who is in the center of all that but you?!"
She has a maniac glint in her eyes.
"It was all perfect, all as father intended. I did my best to make things like he thought, to realize HIS dream. I will not let an upstart like you ruin everything, and this is why, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, I…" She started pulling a paper from her pants, but then Heinz questioned her.
"Was he a good father?"
Silence.
"What?" asks the magus, stunned.
"Was he a good father?" repeats Heinz, wearing a serious expression in front of his boss for the first time. "Because you seem to have lots of issues with him."
"I don't have issues with my father," says Olga, indignant. "He was a good parent, providing sustenance for my studies in the Clock Tower, guaranteeing the future of Chaldea and of our family's magecraft, grooming Wodime to become a great magus…"
Doof taps his finger.
"This is not what I asked. If I got it right, you answered if he was a great magus. Unfortunately, this isn't Jeopardy, so no money to you, and I keep my question."
Olga growls.
"What does it matter to you? Soon, I will be-"
"Our parents are what make us."
She looks at Heinz, once again stunned.
"Or, better, the ones that nurture us mold who we are," he rephrased. "Whatever works. You ask me what makes me who I am. Well, start from the beginning, with my parents. All my life, I wanted them to love me, you know? Like any good son would want. I adhered to all things they asked me to do, no questions asked."
Olga looked at the man. His expression grew dourer and tired as if he had aged twenty years in a second.
"I did everything for them, no questions. Yet, they only had eyes for Roger. I became successful in America, and what do they do? They don't even have the decency to act as parasites and come for my fortune," he sighs. "Maybe this would make it easier to hate them. Because, the funny part, wanna hear it?"
Olga hesitantly nods.
"I still wish for their love. To hear them say: 'I am proud of you.' Not because of an Inator, but out of heart. I want to show them my daughter, Vanessa, and make them see my greatest treasure and the symbol of the work I put in to make a living by myself, to show that I conquered the mountain of life and spit in the eye of whatever god decided to make it hell to me."
He looks at Olga.
"Now, I repeat: how do you feel about your dad?"
Silence. Olga opens her mouth but can't speak, yet Heinz takes this as all that is needed.
"Even my daughter, for all my faults, can sing praise about me in a heartbeat. If you need to think if your parents love you, then there is a rather serious problem with your relationship."
"...since when could you speak of things like that?" asked Olga, looking and sounding completely stupefied.
"Lots of experience," he replies simply - something Olga can't say anything to overrule it.
The man decides to use the experience.
"This is a bad time, but listen. I know Perry is here."
Doof starts to mouth off all he learned just by having the hat until Olga decided enough is enough.
"Stop, stop, stop!" said the magus. "You can't expect me to believe in such absurd claims when you only have extrapolation! Lev is my most trustworthy advisor!"
"...with all due respect, he's your only advisor," said Doofenshmirtz bluntly.
Olga glares.
"No. It just can't be. It can't!"
She couldn't wrap her head around that. That the person she was willing to trust her life with was a betrayer. She couldn't! Lev was always by her side from the start, through good and bad times.
Accepting that all of this was one big, fat lie…
It couldn't be. It couldn't.
"Your platypus buddy is wrong!" she argues. "He couldn't even do his job right to observe and stop you!"
"...tell me, how many Inator notices did you hear in the last week?" he asks, and Olga opens her mouth, only to find nothing comes out. "With the sole exception of my Amplifier, I didn't make any Inators in the last week because I was always exhausted with my dual routine, even more, because the other jerks from cleaning always left me the toughest spots to clear. I literally couldn't do anything until today, and Perry knew that."
"He could be wrong," argued Olga, causing Doof to laugh.
"Girl, if I had a nickel every time Perry's instincts were wrong…well, I don't know how many I would have, but probably not enough to buy a candy in a store. So trust me when I say something rotten is in Chaldea - and platypuses smell things better than humans."
Olga grits her teeth.
"Listen, unless something truly outlandish happens, all I'm hearing is a lot of empty words and slander about Lev. So-"
Before she could finish speaking, a song came from the laptop. Doof moved to answer it, despite Olga's protests.
"Sweetie, it's not a good time right-" he started before looking at the two boys in front of the screen. "Lawrence's kids?"
Indeed, it was the red-haired Phineas and the green-haired Ferb from the Flynn-Fletcher family on the other side of the call.
"Sorry for using this, Vanessa's dad," started Phineas apologetically. "But we need your help."
He nearly jumps out of the seat.
"Is it an earthquake? I can be there in half an hour and-"
"It is no mere earthquake," said the green-haired one. His voice seemed dry, nervous.
The red-haired boy nodded.
"Dad said that you were some sort of inventor, and Vanessa says you once dabbled with space-time manipulation," he paused. "Was it you that created that time loop at the end of last summer?"
"Oh, you saw it?" said Heinz. "Yes, the Do-Over-Inator. I didn't meet anyone else that remembered the loops," he said, a bit smug. "Good to see there are witnesses for my genius!" he coughs. "Er, but that doesn't matter now. What does that have to do with the quake?"
The boy looks at his brother, who starts typing. A few seconds later, an email pops in, filled with data. Olga looks at it, confused.
"Is there someone else there?" asks Phineas.
"My boss, don't mind her for now," said Heinz. "What are these numbers?"
"Read them," said Phineas: a kid should never look so grim. "We need a fact-check, now."
The boy's voice was so serious that Heinz straightened up and started reading data. Then he read it again and again, growing alarmed.
"What is it?" asked Olga. "What is going on?"
"How did you get those reads, boys?" asked Heinz slowly, a bead of sweat running through his head.
"Like Doofenshmirtz, my brother and I are inventors," said the red-haired boy. "And we tried to create a sensor to figure out what was causing the earthquakes," he grimaced. "Except that the ground was completely stable. None of the conditions for an earthquake, yet all kept shaking. So we tried to build different machines to make sense of what was happening, and those are the results when we tried to measure the space-time continuum."
'Two inventor brothers…wait, that story was real?!' thought Olga, shocked. But she shook her head and focused on the other statement. "Wait, aren't you two too young to measure space-time?"
"Yes, yes we are," said Phineas automatically, still engrossed in his task. "But this doesn't matter now: we've been asking everyone we know to take measures of their respective land's continuity. Can you…?"
Doofenshmirtz raised his hand.
"Give me one second," he said, moving to his suitcase and pulling wires and pieces. "Good thing I brought these for emergencies. Now let's…"
Five minutes later, Heinz had what seemed like a walkie-talkie on hands.
"What is this?" asked Olga.
"I had to go analog with my measurement instrument," explained Heinz. "So this will provide me with the readings by Morse code. I need you to write what I hear, got it?" he said, pulling a piece of paper.
"Wait, why do I-!" protested Olga, but then Doofenshmirtz said dot, and she wrote it all quickly. A minute later, the message repeated, with Heinz repeating just in case.
"Now pass me this," said Heinz, mentally translating the message. Working on a ship for so long meant he learned a lot about how to speak the language. "Boys, my readings seem…a bit unusual, but nothing egregious like yours."
"Hm, but why is that? Why is it that your readings are the only normal thing in a wave of anomalies?" muttered the boy, writing on some papers out of sight.
Olga realized.
"If I may," said the director. "I'm not revealing how we did it, but Chaldea has a special magnetic field that affects how we are in space-time, meaning that this may be protecting us from these… space quakes," she decides to call it. "So we are somewhat displaced on a temporal scale."
Phineas takes note of that. "I see. Do you think that said phenomenon is replicable?"
Olga scoffs. "It took years for some of the most brilliant minds to build it. I don't think, for all your genius, you could replicate its effects in a single day."
The green-haired boy raises his eyebrow in a challenging way, but right then, another space quake happened, the boys shaking from Heinz and Olga's perspective.
"It happened again," said the red-haired boy. "It's only getting worse in the last hour. Vanessa mentioned that you had a bunker here, so the people in the neighborhood would hide until the quakes passed. Hopefully. Good luck there, doctor D."
With that, the call ended.
"Spacequakes everywhere…" mumbled Olga. "SHEBA knew this would happen: that's why it insisted we began operations around this time," she frowned. "But it doesn't make sense. Singularity F has been present for a long time, and now is causing issues? And we scanned it only an hour ago, and everything seemed fine."
Doof decided to press.
"Which is why we must investigate what happened with Perry," said Heinz firmly. "If that Lev guy is scheming, then-"
KNOCK, KNOCK.
"Olga? You are taking a long time there," and speaking of the devil. "Is everything alright?"
She looked at Heinz, then at the door.
"Two minutes! I'm informing him of his rights!!"
Doof looked at the woman, confused, but she shook her head.
"Don't ask now," she whispered. "Fine, suppose Lev is planning something. What can we do about it?"
"Find Perry, of course!" he whispered back. "It's the most sensible thing to do, after all. He must know what he's trying to do."
Silence. The two looked at the door.
"I need to go to the Command Room, though," she said tensely. "It will raise too much suspicion otherwise. But…" she put her hand over the chest. "I will only be able to believe your words with proof. What should I do?"
Heinz looked around, searching for answers before his eyes rested on Norm, who hummed a tune to himself.
"Start screaming. I need some noise to hide my work. I need a picture, a voice sample, and a light projector."
Olga left the room. Lev sighed.
"Finally! Why did it take you so long?" asked the man in a green hat.
"F - Doofenshmirtz proved to be rather skillful in distracting me," said the woman simply. "Not anymore. Don't want to talk about it."
The magus raised his eyebrow, deciding to leave the matter quiet. He looked at a space in the air-
He blinked. Nothing was there. Weird, for a moment, he thought…
"Let's end this. I'm having headaches now."
The man followed his boss. A minute later, Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Olga Marie left the room.
"I'm not like that," she protested. "That is a biased image."
"It's what he had in his memory about you," said Heinz. "He only met you once or twice. Give Norm a break."
Doof had to admit he even impressed himself right now. He managed to jury-rig a disguise system in his son, plus a voice modulator in a minute, and it seemed impeccable.
That said, he knew it wouldn't take too long for someone to notice how her steps had more weight or for his rushed system to bug. They were on a clock now.
"Where do we start finding Perry?" asked Olga.
The scientist messed with his measurement instrument, quickly disassembling and reassembling.
"I set this now to be platypus detector," said Heinz.
"The machine looks the same to me," said Olga.
"Well, it isn't," said the mad scientist. "Now, shush. Need to listen."
He heard the dots and lines, memorizing all that came to him.
"He's below us. Any places to go down?"
Perry thought the obvious traps were the worst to deal with.
The academy had a name for that: "Principle of Efficacy in Trapping," or PET. In short, it said that the more complicated a trap the easier it was to break free. And by that logic, simple traps had designs that tended to be tough to escape unless you were well-trained - such as the improvised cage Lev set up.
Bars stuck on metal. He couldn't kick the roof nor pass in between the bars. And he even lacked his hat, one of the hardest scenarios.
But Lev didn't take him seriously, and that was his mistake because if there was one thing Perry was, it was stubborn.
For the last half hour, he had kicked the bar repeatedly, weakening it with each subsequent kick - their metal was malleable, which Lev failed to account for in his hurry. It hurt a lot, but Perry slowly bent the bar with well-placed kicks until he forced a gap large enough to pass. He winced at the feeling of his sore paw - it would take some time until he could walk again - but there was no time to rest. He approached the explosives, jumping in his good paw. Noticing a toolbox forgotten by some technician, or even maybe Lev himself, he jumped and picked some instruments to open one of the bombs and analysis's design.
He looked intently. No timer. It would trigger once someone reached the right circumstances. Making a mental map, he realized their connection to the Coffins. His eyes widened. The condition was for a Master to enter their Coffin. And if only one activated it, then-
"Watch it! There's a Bounded Field here. I'm disarming it."
Perry's eyes narrowed, looking to the stairs and the top. He heard Olga's faint voice from above, finishing her discourse…but that voice on the stairs was also hers. What-?
"Alright, let's go!"
Two people ran into his view, one being Olga and the other-
"An engineer platypus?!"
Silence. Classic Doofenshmirtz. Olga looked at him with a stunned expression. Perry jumped to the two and, picking up the hat he held, put it on his head.
"Perry the Platypus!"
"Are you fucking serious?" said Olga in sheer disbelief before focusing on the scenario in front of her and gulping. "Oh no…"
Heinz looked at the bombs, also sweating.
"This is…a lot of firepower," he said, panic breaking his calm voice.
Perry nodded and then crossed his arms in an X maneuver.
"What do you mean we can't do anything about it?" he asks, indignant.
"So you understand platypus?" asked Olga, surprised.
"I understand Perry," he corrects. "Now, explain."
He made a few hand gestures, to which Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened.
"Domino effect. One is triggered, and another goes off. Forty-eight bombs equal mass destruction."
"We won't leave these here," snarled Olga. "Let's-"
"Now…Team A, enter the coffins," said the mimicked voice of Olga.
The trio realized what was about to happen.
No time to shout a warning. No time to disarm the bombs.
All they could do was run to the stairs and avoid the blast radius.
"Norm, cancel it, it's-!"
BOOM!
The explosion launched the three of them upstairs, flying and then crashing down the corridors painfully.
"Argh!" grunted Olga, holding her arm. "I think I broke it!"
Doofenshmirtz lifted himself. Olga could see some of the metal in his arms as he helped her get on foot. Perry, meanwhile, had an ugly burn on the side, but he toughened it out.
"Dammit," cursed Doofenshmirtz before looking down inside the stairway, seeing heavy lights of flames from the bottom. "Too late," he whimpered.
"The M-m-masters," coughed the girl, still stunned. "We need to…"
The trio ran as fast as they could.
"Director?!"
And on the way, they crossed with two familiar faces.
"Romani. And the sleepy one," said Olga, adrenaline keeping her from feeling relieved and surprised. "What were you…?"
"Mash took me to my room, and he was there…"
The white-haired woman sighed.
"I suppose this was the best possible day to slack off," she grumbled.
The doctor coughed.
"Why were you…"
"Treason," she said acidly. "There is no other way to say it: it was treason."
"Is that platypus walking on two feet and wearing a hat, or am I seeing things?" asked Fujimaru with a dumbfounded expression, to which Perry bowed his hat slightly.
"No time for that, the command room!" said the Director, pointing at it. "It is…"
Aflame. The command room was lit on fire. Once Olga saw it, she instinctively vomited, knowing how close it was.
"DOCTOR…D…"
A head rolled out of the room, Roman stepping away surprised.
"Norm!" said the mad scientist, shocked in worry. Picking it up and clearing the head dirtied from the ashes. "Your body is it…"
"DAMAGED. USED TO SHIELD CORE SQUIRREL. CURRENTLY…OUT…OF…POWER…"
His eyes went dark, and Heinz looked away. At least the remainder of the body was fine, but the death…so many deaths.
"H…help…" a weak voice says from below some rocks.
Ritsuka's eyes widened, and with no hesitation, he entered the flaming room.
"Kid, wait!" said Heinz, following suit with Perry - just as the doors closed behind him. Olga's eyes widened. What was…
"WALLS SHUT. CONTAINMENT PROTOCOL INITIATED."
"What?!" shouted Olga Marie. "We need to cancel it!"
"B-but we can only control energy in this state from inside the room," countered Romani.
"Doofenshmirtz!" she screamed. "The terminal, reach for it!"
However, the voice didn't pass the thick metal walls.
"RAYSHIFTING STARTING IN 40 SECONDS."
"No, no, no! They will suffocate in this heat If it's not that, then-!" she started punching the door before Romani stopped her. Before she could scream, he roared:
"We are on the reserve, Director! We must bet on a chance and hope they live long enough for retrieval! Come on!"
The magus looked at the wall and the running man before snarling and following him.
Why did that have to happen?!
Perry realized he didn't think that through as they marched inside the fire without any sort of protection.
But it was an emergency, and he didn't expect the doors to close on them.
"Dammit, this is so heavy!" gritted Ritsuka, attempting to move the rock on top of Mash's body, who whimpered.
"I-I'm sorry, now everyone here is going to…"
"Nobody is dying," declared the dead serious Doofenshmirtz, helping Ritsuka. "We're not leaving you here: you will get patched by your adoptive dad, hang out with your adoptive mom and then have a nice meal while we kick the ass of the man responsible!"
Perry attempted to help by removing some of the smaller rocks to clear the way. That did little, however.
"REWRITING SHEBA'S NEAR-FUTURE PREDICTION DATA. UNABLE TO DETECT SIGNS OF HUMANITY A HUNDRED YEARS IN THE FUTURE. UNABLE TO SEE THE FUTURE AND SAFETY OF HUMAN RACE."
"Perry, try to find a way out!" said Doofenshmirtz.
"Gyururururu!"
"I'm fast, but not enough to create a machine like that out of scraps, much less aflame scraps! Come on!"
The Chaldeas globe went red.
The man grimaced before closing his eyes in resignation.
"So this is how our bitter rivalry ends, old friend. Trying to help a girl," he laughs in bittersweet. "Not a bad way, I suppose."
"Gyurururu," nodded Perry.
"Er, I don't want to die feeling awkward at seeing such a private moment," complained Ritsuka.
"And I didn't want to…hurt you, senpai," said Mash softly, slowly bleeding out.
"LOOKING FOR MASTER CANDIDATES…CANDIDATE NUMBER 48, FUJIMARU RITSUKA DETECTED."
Said boy looked around, confused. "Eh, what is-"
"Oh no," said Doofenshmirtz, eyes bulging in panic. "We are being-!"
"UNSUMMON PROGRAM, SPIRITRON CONVERSION, START. 3…2…1, RAYSHIFT BEGINS."
One moment they were there.
The next, there were no conscious people in the room.
"PROCEDURES CLEAR. FIRST ORDER IN OPERATION…CORRECTION: TWO NEW MASTER SIGNATURES DETECTED. RAYSHIFT SUCCESSFUL FOR OPERATIVE PERRY THE PLATYPUS AND-"
Heinz jumped from the frying pan to another frying pan. Except this one had some herbs.
He looked around, startled at his sudden change of surroundings. 'Did…did I…'
Then he hears the roar.
Primal. Loud. Approaching by the minute, and probably belonging to a big angry animal or worse.
Years of living with ocelots helped Heinz jump from zero to a hundred in a second once he heard the beast(?) roar, running as fast as his legs allowed.
He ran into a European-style castle. All seemed to be on fire, and no one was there..
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The beast appeared, but it was no beast, but a man.
But this man is…far, FAR from human.
That man towered over Heinz like the Everest towers over the horizon. He seemed to be made of black pitch, his eyes literally two red dots shining brightly with bloodlust. And he also wielded a stone sword so thick that it was more correct to call it a slab.
"I…I don't suppose you would believe that I appeared out of nowhere in this place?"
Heinz feels a burning in his back. What was that? He was so focused on running that-
SLAP!
The monster of a man slaps at Heinz, who attempts to block with his titanium arms.
He now was armless.
Heinz stares at his stumped limbs, completely lost for words. Making a deep and loud gulp, he looked up at a painfully slow pace, only to find burning rubies within the coals glowing menacingly. Glaring at him.
"Is this…a Servant?"
The black giant approached, his sword scratching against the ground and hitting him with the side of it. Pain hits Heinz as he now feels the impact of passing through a stone wall and falling in the middle of some weird circle.
'...am I going to die here?'
The living mountain approaches. Backing away in pure terror, Heinz's body starts to burn.
'No, it can't be. At least if it was to die, let me die together with my best frenemy, or doing something significative, not dying to the first weirdo that crosses paths with me,'
There was no compassion in those eyes. Only madness. He raises his sword to crush Heinz. The former villain shut his eyes closed bracing for the impact…
His last thoughts are about his baby girl Vanessa.
'NOT LIKE THIS!'
The circle glows. Even the titan is taken aback as another giant materializes in front of Heinz.
His hair was red, and he was tall, incredibly tall. His clothes evoked some of the myth nuts that were part of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., which means Heinz knew that he wore the uniform of a Macedonian warrior, a formidable red cape flying.
His eyes opened, and he looked at Heinz, with a wide grin. He raises his arms to the sides, boisterously and lets out a heartily laugh.
"I hear this plea and answer the call. I am the Rider Servant, the King of Conquerors, Iskandar! Are you my Master?"
Last edited: Mar 12, 2024
598
Underdog Emiya
Mar 11, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 6 - Conquering Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Mar 14, 2024
#447
This chapter is sponsored by: Me getting back to hell faculty. Also, double tap, suckahs!
Chapter 6: Conquering Star
Doofenshmirtz looked at the man, befuddled.
"What?"
The pitchman roars and swings his slab against the red-haired man, who ducks it to avoid it.
"Oof!" he drew his sword, using it to deflect the following blows. In the meantime, he scooped Heinz by the collar. "This is not a good place for me to fight. Come, Gordius Wheel!"
He raised his blade to the sky, and then thunder roared.
"...!"
The long-haired man seemed stunned at the sight, which meant he couldn't avoid the carriage that ran over him and flew to the skies like some sort of Greek Santa Claus.
"Hm, that was a close call," said the red-haired man. "To be summoned to face such a fierce hero and fall on the first step is not something I…"
He turned his eyes to see a city on fire, a city he recognized.
"By Zeus…" he muttered, shocked. "What happened here?"
"I…don't know," said Heinz in a reluctant, soft voice. "Do you know this place?"
He nods.
"I do," said the man before frowning. "And yet, I shouldn't."
Iskandar's knowledge provided by the Throne said a Heroic Spirit shouldn't be capable of remembering experiences amongst multiple incarnations. Yet, Iskandar remembered when he was summoned to 1994 to be the Servant of one Waver Velvet and fought against two mighty kings.
"We need to approach," decided the king. "Come, boys! Go, go!"
The Divine Bulls listened, racing to the city.
On the ground, two red eyes glared at the flying carriage.
Master.
The word felt alien in Heinz's mouth now. Master. The main operatives of Chaldea in their quest to discover what happened to humanity's future. Capable of summoning legendary heroes like King Arthur to become familiars, Servants for mankind's sake.
And he had the potential to be one all this time? Right under the noses of everyone?
He tried to glance at the mark on his back - his Command Seals, he supposed. They usually appeared in the hand, but Heinz's appeared on the back - either because he was armless or because his hands were not organic at all: either could apply now. He couldn't see them now because of his uniform and because it was damn hard to look at your back when trying to not fall from a flying chariot.
"You are pretty quiet," said Iskandar. "Is everything fine?"
"I'm…going through a lot of stuff right now," said Heinz admittedly. "Er, it started in this place in Antarctica-"
BOOM!
Something hit the side of the carriage!
"Whoa, what was…" Doof looked at the projectile, confused. "A sword?"
The eyes of Rider widened.
"A sword as a projectile?!"
BOOM!
Another hit, this time at one of the wheels. Then they started spinning.
"Guh, we are out of control!" said Rider, attempting to stabilize the ride in the air. "Come on, boys, pull your weight here!"
The Divine Bulls roared, doing their best as they fell to the ground at high speeds. Rider looked for his Master-
"I HAVE NO HANDS!"
He was a few meters away from Rider, falling to his death!
"Oh, like hell I will go away like this!" said the man. Making a quick decision, he jumped out of the vehicle, dematerializing his ride and whistling. "Bucephalus!"
As Iskandar scooped the man in his arms, a thunderbolt struck the space below the two, and a horse appeared under him. When they hit the ground, defying all known laws of physics, the legs of the animal didn't shatter, and he instead walked it off, huffing a bit in the way.
"Sorry, Bucephalus," said Iskandar. "It was the only way to avoid - Augh!"
The Servant caught a rain of blades flying in their direction.
"Ayo, Silver!" said Doofenshmirtz hurriedly, kicking the horse's side.
"His name is Bucepha-!" started the Rider before the horse ran away, fast as the wind.
Archer sighed at the missed shot. He had seen the carriage flying and assumed it was likely the work of a Servant, which was quickly proven right. His mobility seemed to have allowed him to evade Heracles' might, as they seemed to have flown from the area of the Einzbern Castle. Seeing an opportunity, he threw some potshots to try and eliminate the possible menace.
He snapped his tongue. The Rider - because what else could it be? - seemed to have experience with attacks like his, which allowed him to recover his composure faster. Such a shame. The blackened Servant considered going after the duo but decided against it. If someone passed him while he was away…
Well, it was not like she couldn't take care of herself. But he didn't become who he was by being careless. So, he decided to let the other Servants do the dirty job. He wondered if the mutt got killed by them.
It didn't matter. His only duty was to protect this cave.
They stopped over a bridge.
"Hold it, boy, hold it…" said Iskandar, patting Bucephalus. "You did well."
"Yes, good work there," said Heinz, huffing. Being dragged by a giant of a man by the arm was not very fun. "I need a paper bag."
Unfortunately, Rider had no such item, so the second best option was to crawl to the edge of the bridge and hurl all his luncheon. It was not very ecological, but hey, what could he do?
"Ugh…" said Heinz, recovering from nausea. "I feel as if a bull had walked over me."
"That seems oddly specific," said Iskandar. "Did a bull ever walk over you?"
"...yeah," said Heinz with a shrug. "I would give you the dramatic backstory and why I hate the city of Pamplona, but I need some time to think."
Doofenshmirtz liked to think of himself as someone who could take a lot of shit happening simultaneously, but this? First, the whole Lev thing, then the explosion, being nearly killed by a beast(?), and finally being rescued by a man that all storybooks agreed was tiny.
He needed to breathe. And so he did take a deep breath before coughing as he inhaled lots of smoke.
"Stupid fire," he grumbled. The fires in the city were clouding the sky black. And speaking of the fire. "What happened to this place?"
"That's what I want to know," said the man. "Boy…no, this doesn't feel right. You are no boy, are you?"
"47," he answered. "And…I think I'm older than you if I know my stuff. You are Alex the Great, right?"
The man blinked before he barked a laugh.
"Alex the Great? Now that is a new way to refer to me," said Iskandar, grinning big and proud. "Yes, I am Alexander the Great, King of Macedonia and notorious conqueror!"
The wind blew heroically in his cape. Heinz clapped his hand.
"Eh, six out of ten. It needed more explosives or at least a chorus."
Iskandar looked at the man, confused. "What do you mean by-"
"Explain later," said Heinz. "Listen, I need to find my archnemesis and these two kids that are probably here, and I guess you are the only one that can help me. Can you summon that flying carriage for us to look for them?"
The Rider scratched his chin, calling the vehicle. He looked at the bulls before looking at the damaged wheel.
"I'm afraid this is currently impossible," said Iskandar. "Whatever Archer threw at us, it damaged my Gordius Wheel badly."
Heinz looked at it, frowning.
"Isn't that one of those Noble Phantasm thingamagic supposed to be tough?"
Heinz didn't get too much of what they were exactly. As far as he understood from watching the videos, they were supposed to be a Servant's ace in the hole, a hyper-special ability that allows them to turn the tide of a fight in their favor.
He had asked Da Vinci if she could use hers once for him to compare to his things.
'Sure,' said the Uomo Universale. 'Got a bomb test area free?'
(Heinz had one in New Mexico, actually, property of DEI. He used to test some of his more risky projects and planned to bring her there for the smug factor and to test her Phantasm.)
"Noble Phantasms are nearly indestructible," agreed Iskandar before emphasizing. "Nearly. Whatever that man threw at us was enough to damage it for a time, probably another Noble Phantasm. A shame, but at least Bucephalus shall suffice to take us for now."
The black horse huffed at Heinz as if saying: 'chump.' Once more, Heinz lamented not having hands…but maybe that was a solvable trouble. He made a mental note to look for materials for a temporary fix.
"Let me look at the damage…"
Iskandar gave way. Fortunately, the chariot wheel was fine, but the axis had been unaligned with the remainder of the structure. He made a mental note to take some tools to try and fix it. Could he do that? Who knows. He would be more excited about the prospect of doing something no one else ever did if things weren't so down in the gutter.
He closed his eyes. That fire…
It was weird how he could take lots of misery in his personal life, yet when someone else got in trouble, he couldn't help but replay that in his head. That fire, the smell of blood…
He felt a tight grip on his shoulder.
"I would rather not see you fall out like a sky, Master," said Iskandar. "What troubles you?"
He gulped.
"What do you know about your summoning?"
From talking with Da Vinci, he knew that Servants usually received the necessary to comprehend the modern world, along with some other contextual info, like 'what is a magus?', 'The rules of the Holy Grail War' and 'Who is this guy trying to kill me based on the circumstantial info I got from beating the tard out of him?'
"Hm…" the man scratched his chin. "I know that I know too much. Understand this: Heroic Spirits are not supposed to remember all of our summonings - don't ask me why, I only say what it is."
He tapped his fingers against Bucephalus' neck.
"I feel that this circumstance is because of my previous experiences in this land, but…" he looked around. "From the sky and the ground, it seemed different from my days. What year is this?"
Doof raised his finger only to let it down.
"I have no clue. I didn't get the details on this time travel."
Iskandar seemed confused.
"Time travel?"
Doof let out a quick resume of what Chaldea was: its purpose and goals, his position in the group, the attack…
"...then I woke up in the woods, stumbled over that castle, nearly got killed by that thing, and then you appeared for me. I know I am in the past, but didn't get the memo on the when or where."
Iskandar scratched his chin, nodding.
"I see. At least I can answer the where. The name of this city is Fuyuki, home of the Holy Grail War," said Iskandar.
"Holy…Grail War?" asked Heinz, confused. The conqueror hummed.
"You know of Servants, yet don't know about their first purpose? It is, or was, a ritual in which seven people, Masters, enter and summon a Servant for themselves. Then, they fought each other for the right to obtain the Grail and have his and his Servant's wish granted. I fought in the Fourth interaction of this ritual, though I fell right before the full conquest in the hands of the Archer of that war."
He looks at Gordius' Wheel again. Launching weapons like that was how Gilgamesh fought, yet something felt different about that attack. He shook his head: reflections for a later date.
"I suppose you were lucky enough to find a Summoning Circle in that castle," continued the Servant. "This, along with the heat of the moment, allowed you to call for a Servant - me. If it's for our mutual compatibility or something else…"
"Compatibility?" asked Heinz, perplexed.
Iskandar scratched his chin.
"I'm no good at explaining such things, but…do you have anything that could belong to me or a member of my army?"
"Do you think of me as the type to carry Greek relics in my pockets like lollipops?" asked Heinz, scoffing at it. "I would rather have pieces for my machines, thank you. Not that I have them here."
"If that's the case, then, on some level, we are spiritually compatible," concluded Iskandar. "One can summon a specific Heroic Spirit using objects related to said hero as catalysts. In the lack of one, the Servant summoned is a hero compatible with the summoner's preference. I suppose the latter case is what happened here."
Heinz looked at the giant of a man, top to bottom.
"How the hell are we compatible? If I am the geeky nerd, then you are the jock that picks me up, puts the garbage can in my head, and locks me into the locker!"
"Nonsense!" said Iskandar, looking offended. "I would never do that. Real men solve their differences one on one! Or, in the case of armies, soldier on soldier!" he paused. "And I have no idea what those terms mean."
"Me neither," he admitted. "I just watched some high school movies to work as a teacher in my daughter's university and get the lingo, but then I turned the governor into a Republican, and suddenly I am not welcome anymore."
Iskandar laughs.
"You amuse me, Doofenshmirtz," said the giant with a smile. "You say funny things."
"I do?" asked the human. He would scratch his head in bafflement if he still had an arm. "I just said what happened to me in the most literal way."
The Rider shook his head.
"Now that I have a better grasp on this situation…yes, what a situation it is. Betrayals, time traveling, Singularity…are you sure that was the term you heard?"
"I only got the technical term recently, but Lev called this place Singularity F - I suppose the F is for Fuyuki, then. It was an important place that, for whatever reason, was causing issues with the present, so we were to remove it - well, that was the Master's work. I was just one of the guys keeping things running smoothly."
"An important duty, nonetheless," said Iskandar. "Hm…I suppose it's imperative, then, that we find your companions. You said to look for two teenagers and a…platypus?"
"Not a platypus," corrected Heinz. "My archnemesis, Perry the-!"
"Hey, I'm seeing him in the margin being chased."
Heinz stopped.
"What?!"
A few minutes earlier.
Perry grimaced at his wounded feet.
As it turns out, kicking metal bars was painful and bad for your foot.
He also was surprised at not being dead. In his research, he figured that people with anything less than a hundred percent compatibility for rayshifting ran the high risk of getting all of their souls spread in time-space.
A lucky fluke? Or was he compatible with the process?
He hoped Doofenshmirtz was well, but Perry couldn't discard the other possibility, as painful as it was.
So his focus was to find the two people he knew were in the Singularity: Kyrielight and the rookie, Fujimaru.
The city was eerily silent as the platypus limped through its streets. Whatever happened there was a massacre, with any survivors probably having left the hellscape a long time ago - and that was an optimistic prediction because the other was incredibly depressive.
He had to get out of there. Chaldea prepared to strike this place with his top team. Only three - possibly four - people without Servants wouldn't-
His body tensed, and he slowly looked at his back. A tall woman with purple hair stood there, staring at him hungrily. When did she appear?
"Oh? And I thought all prey had already left this city," said the woman. Her voice seemed…distorted. Only now, the secret agent noticed that there weren't any shadows covering her, it was almost as if her body was a shadow. She licked her lips. "Maybe I can have some fun."
Without a thought, Perry ran, even knowing it was futile.
However, much to his luck, the woman wasn't too rushed to get him. She could feel his weakness, how vulnerable he currently was. The black Servant could afford to play with food this time.
Perry started running, ignoring the pain in his foot. No matter how much he ran, the woman didn't leave the corner of his eye. He ran through the marge of a river. Yes, if he could jump there-
SHING!
A metal chain popped in front of his feet, blocking the way to the water.
"No, no," purred the woman, pulling back the chain. "We can't let the food escape through my fingers, right? And I am no good at fishing."
Perry fell to the ground, his leg finally failing him. He couldn't do anything but look as the woman raised her metal stake…
"ULULULULUH!"
A horse jumped at her, nearly crashing her under the weight of the steed, but, like a snake, she jumped away.
"So you dare to interfere…Caster?" she roared, the venomous hiss in her voice disappearing and being substituted by confusion as she noticed the giant man on top of the horse. "You are not that man. Who are you?"
"The guy that will kick your - whoah!"
Heinz fell to the ground, unable to balance himself.
"Hi, Perry the Platypus. You look like crap."
The platypus looked annoyed at the man, his expression screaming with sarcasm.
"Nice to see you too, nemesis," said Doof tiredly. "I am a Master now. I even have a cool mark on my back."
He tried to show it to Perry, and the platypus eyes widened slightly. Wasn't that…?
"And who would be you, alluring Servant?" said Iskandar, scratching his chin. "Don't you have pride to not prey on the weak?"
She gave a bloodthirsty smile.
"So you are strong?"
"The one you face is none other than the King of Conquerors," he boasted. "I am anything but weak," he drew his sword. "So retreat, or you shall meet your end by steel."
She gave a greasy laugh.
"Oh, you think you are facing a normal Servant? I am more than that," she turned one of her spikes to her neck. "Behold, the result of your folly."
SHING!
The woman cut her neck, which burst into blood - no, something else also came up.
"By Poseidon…" said Iskandar, shocked. "So the enemy is a monster of this caliber? The beast that Perseus slayed?"
A horse came from her neck - a black steed with demonic eyes who roared to the skies. Pegasus, the flying horse that aided Perseus and Bellerophon, was tainted by whatever affected its progenitor.
"You see what you face now, King of Conquerors?" said Medusa. "You have no chance against me. Surrender, and I may give you a merciful death."
Much to her confusion, the man simply laughed.
"Oh, this will be an interesting summon, I can already tell," he said. "To answer your question, Gorgon, I refuse to give in. My armies would only look down in shame if their king surrendered before the start of a battle."
She snapped her tongue.
"So you die braver than most," she snapped her reins, taking the horse to the sky at supersonic speeds. Iskandar's eyes narrowed.
"We must move."
"Huh? But she ran away," said Heinz. "Why do you say…"
Then a comet started flying in their direction.
"Move, Bucephalus!"
Grabbing platypus and man, Iskandar avoided to the right at the last second.
But not the sonic boom.
"Woah!"
The boom sent the quartet flying from solid ground and into the river. Seeing this, Iskandar made a decision:
"Gordius Wheel!"
Dismissing his horse, he called the carriage, which, with its misaligned wheel, drifted in the skies until the other border before Iskandar quickly dismissed it and called his steed again. In another maneuver of quick thinking, the man hid inside a house with the humans.
Medusa returned to the skies with Pegasus, staring at the scenario. She had tried for a direct hit to guarantee a sure-kill, but the Servant managed to avoid Bellerophon at the last second. With her luck, he was sent flying to the other side of the city, along with his Master.
'I will look for them there and finish this,' she decided. Then, snapping Bellerophon, she ordered Pegasus to fly away.
Iskandar let out the breath he had been holding. Running from a fight hadn't sat well on his stomach, but it couldn't be helped: he had to protect his Master, first and foremost, along with his nemesis.
His eyes widened at the sign of red in his fur.
"Ah!" shouts Doofenshmirtz in worry, moving to touch Perry's back before looking at it confused. "It's not blood."
"Gyurururu?" the platypus asked confused, and trying to look at his back. But Iskandar saw it.
It looked like his hat: one curve line, one above the curve, and one in the middle, a strap. Those were the Command Seals of Perry the Platypus.
"Hide."
Ritsuka and Mash obeyed as a figure in a flying horse passed over them.
"Good grief, she's agitated today."
The girl coughed.
"Hm…who's she, Caster?"
"Rider," said the blue-haired man, glaring. "One nasty snake."
Ritsuka gulped.
Let's see how things ended up here, shall we?
For starters, Ritsuka's nap. He tried, he tried staying awake, but eventually, he couldn't hold any longer and fell asleep. Noticing his sleeping self, Miss Director expelled him from the mission debriefing and Mash escorted him to his room, where he met an intruder. The intruder being one certain Doctor Romani Archaman, a very kind, understanding, and well-adjusted person who just wanted to chill in a corner, a feeling Ritsuka sympathized it.
Then all went to hell with the explosion.
He and Romani naturally went to check what the hell happened and found Doofenshmirtz, a platypus with a cool hat, and - surprise, surprise - Olga Marie herself, who was just a moment ago giving a discourse inside the bombed room. Together, they found hell. It was hard to believe anyone survived the explosion.
Then he heard a voice: Mash's voice, and he attempted to play the hero, only to get dragged into a "rayshift," as the girl explained.
And speaking of said girl…He glanced at her - and her new garments, to be more precise.
After he appeared in the middle of that camp, skeletons - living skeletons - appeared to attack him, only for Mash to appear and smack them away with a thick slab of stone/metal she called a shield.
Mash, who just a minute ago, was probably going to die despite his best efforts to help. And she was also dressed in a suit that left little to the imagination and showed way too much skin.
(Was that last part so bad though?)
Anyways, she had explained she wasn't exactly human, but something called a homunculus: more specifically, she was a Demi-Servant, a human that had a body able to host a Heroic Spirit to take the powers of a Servant…then she had to explain what was a Servant to him, which was not so hard honestly. Almost every notable figure in history could be summoned as a kind-of-but-not-really-a-ghost so they could fight in a tournament for a gold cup - or, in this case, to defend humanity against something.
Alright, he was oversimplifying, but it's hard to have a talk when your new friend is crushing the bones of dead people with the heel of her boot - and how did she run with those, wearing heels on the battlefield wasn't supposed to be impractical? Even more, carrying that monstrous weapon? He wouldn't question it, though, because if fate caught wind of that…
Regardless. Mash had no clue about what happened to the other two people - or people and platypus - in the room. She had a communicator with herself to contact HQ, but nothing on their end.
"Could the explosions have damaged our comm system?" wondered the Shielder - for that was her class.
'Class? Like in one of those D table games?' he had questioned, but it didn't feel too relevant. Not with their new bond as Master and Servant.
Ritsuka obviously tensed at such names and their implications, but Mash quickly assured him that it wasn't that way, it was an old name. She was more like a familiar linked to him for power but was independent otherwise - unless he used one of his Seals for specific orders. The teenager quickly decided he wouldn't use them unless there was an emergency and never forced Mash to do something she would disapprove of.
Back on track. Boy and girl quickly decided that the first thing they should do until they could report back to base was to try to find his companions - hopefully intact. So they walked through the streets filled with skeleton monsters. The heat was almost suffocating, but Ritsuka kept walking behind Mash regardless, occasionally managing a few potshots at those monsters with his fists.
They kept that way until the blue man popped behind him to say hi.
Naturally, Ritsuka answered with a fist to the face that barely did anything. It did, however, make him laugh.
"Nice reflexes!" said the druid. "Never seen you two around here."
Ritsuka quickly deduced that he was a Servant, both from the similar aura he had when compared to Mash and because of how much his fist hurt from punching him - yet his nose hadn't even looked bent.
"Who are you…?" asked Mash, her body slightly tensing.
"Probably the most friendly face you'll meet in this city," he stated, without a hint of humor now. "Servant Caster. What are two teenagers doing walking in the streets at this time of the night?"
"...Is it night?" asked Ritsuka, looking at the clouded sky.
"...you got me," admitted the sorcerer. "I just wanted something witty to make you two relax."
"You are a Servant?" asked Mash, still looking cautious.
"Indeed," said the blue-haired man. "But this is no place to be lollygagging. I have a hideout close to this place. Let's go."
The two teens were hesitating in following him: however, considering he could have ended the fight before it even began, they decided Caster wished no harm, and followed the first friendly figure they met in hours.
And now, back to the present.
"What is she riding?" asked the Master. "I barely could see it from how fast it was."
"Seemed like a flying horse," said the man in blue. "I have a vague idea of who we are dealing with, but it's better to speak about what happened in this city in a safe zone. We are close."
After piercing through a few more skeleton squads, the trio reached an abandoned house. The sorcerer mumbled a few spells under his breath, allowing his associates to enter the place safely.
The house was a wreck. The walls were intact but dirty with dust and ashes. There was no electricity to turn on the lights, but Caster pointed his staff at some candles, sending sparks to set them alight.
"Sorry for how messy it looks, but there's no time for spring cleaning," he said, sitting in a three-legged chair and starting a balancing act. "Come on, sit down."
The two looked at each other before sitting on a couch that smelled like burned meat. Ritsuka and Mash decided to ignore it to the best of their ability.
"I'm sure you have many questions," said the blue-haired man.
"Who are you?" asked Mash, straight to the point. "I…I suppose it's fair to know that."
Ritsuka nodded. "We followed you here in good faith, yet all we know is that you are a Caster. Could you give us a name?"
The man scratched his chin.
"Honestly, you should have asked this from the get-go," he said, chiding the two gently. "Would you follow a stranger blindly like that?"
"I think of myself as a trusting person," defended Ritsuka. "And you didn't attack us immediately. It's only right to reveal who you are."
Mash nodded silently. Ritsuka wondered where her massive shield was, but decided to ask later.
"Hm…yes, I suppose it is," said the man, nodding. "Well then. I was summoned as a Caster, but my name is Cú Chulainn."
Ritsuka felt it vaguely familiar, while Mash gasped:
"Ireland's Child of Light? The son of Lugh taught by Scáthach of the Shadow Lands?"
"The wielder of the Gaé Bolg spear?" concluded Ritsuka.
"Yes, yes, and yes," the man chuckled, letting out a grin. "Didn't think I had such dedicated fans. But yes, I am Cú Chulainn. As far as I know, there's only dear old me."
"But…you were a warrior, right?" said Ritsuka. "Where is your…?"
Mash coughed.
"Senpai, remember what I said earlier. A Heroic Spirit usually doesn't manifest all his power. Different classes focus on different facets of a hero in life. Although…" She looked at the Caster. "I would expect you to be a Lancer or a Berserker."
The man in blue shrugged.
"My teacher taught me to use runes during my training, and I have some experience with druids. I suppose these allowed me to appear like this - even though I hate it," he scowled. "Have you ever tried fighting as a Caster? We are not very good in close combat, that much I can tell."
He shook his head.
"But that's not important. What are you kids doing here? And…" he looked at Mash. "Why does she feel like a Servant? As far as I know, all the other Servants are still kicking, and there shouldn't be a reason for a new one to appear."
Ritsuka looked at Mash. As his senpai, in this regard, she was better equipped to communicate their mission.
"We came from Chaldea to suppress this Singularity…" she began. The girl spoke of their purpose. Of how an attack went off and resulted in them being sent to that strange land, and of how Mash conquered the power of a Servant.
Cú listened to all of that closely, humming as the girl went along, finishing it with their meeting.
"I…see," he said slowly. "So the world is wrong here, right?"
"This is a way to put it," conceded the Shielder. "We don't know what is causing the distortions in the timeline, and we can't even…"
She picked her communicator, only to be surprised when it turned on.
"Hello, hello? Is this connected?"
"Doctor Roman?" said Ritsuka hopefully.
The holographic man let out a sigh, looking completely relieved.
"Oh, thank goodness, we did it. Director, we got in contact with Mash!"
"So give me space, you-!"
The man obliged, and Olga Marie entered the frame, her face sternly scowling.
'Oh, a bossy type,' thought Cú.
"Kyrielight, is everything…" started the woman before noticing her attire. "What are you wearing?"
"Director…" started Mash. "He manifested. The Heroic Spirit inside of me."
The girl paused, mouthing the words silently.
"Now, of all times?" asked the white-haired woman quietly. "Why, how did he…"
"To save her life," said Ritsuka. "I think."
She looked with some annoyance to the boy, but her glare was noticeably softer than before.
"So you survived…Is it safe to assume that you are Mash's master?"
"Yes," said Ritsuka, nodding. "She said she needed a source of energy to keep fighting as a Shielder, and I was the best option. The only one."
"...I see," said Olga. "And who is that man?" she asked, pointing at Cú, who nodded slightly.
"Caster Cú Chulainn," he said. "Don't worry, I don't plan to fight them…yet."
Roman seemed to want to enter the frame, but Olga pushed him away.
"We don't have time for you, Roman, we have little time before we can't communicate anymore. We are trying to fix the rayshift system to bring all of you back but it's taking too long. Our analysts say that removing the source of the temporal distortion in the area will allow us to lock properly and extract all of you."
"All of us?" repeated Ritsuka, his expression surprised. "Do you mean that Doofenshmirtz man and the platypus survived?"
"More than that," she said, groaning. "They were marked as Master candidates. Of all the people, why him and why figure it out when everyone else is…"
She paused.
"Everyone else is what?" asked Mash. "Director, are the other Masters…?"
"Not dead," she declared firmly. "The medical staff managed to put them in cryogenic sleep, but their wounds were too severe and…something happened to the outside world. But one crisis at a time, let's focus on extracting everyone out of Singularity F and solving what is causing this."
The shoulders of the girl went down.
"I see…We'll do our best," said the Demi-Servant soothingly.
"We all are," said Olga before coughing. "A quick debriefing: we detected a massive energy spike below the temple on the other side of the city. If there's any place to serve as a center for the Singularity, it's there."
"The Holy Grail," said Cú, sighing. "Of course."
"What is this about a Holy Grail?" asked Ritsuka.
"Mash will explain this to you later. For now, know that you must recover it to stop the Singularity. However, counting with Caster, our machines detect the presence of eight Servants in the region."
The eyes of Cú narrowed.
"You mean seven?"
"Eight," insisted Olga. "Eight Servant signatures. We, unfortunately, are still having difficulty on the mission of accurately locating Doofenshmirtz and Perry, but we continue to confirm their existence. I also order you to summon a Servant, Fujimaru. Mash will run you through the basics."
"A-aye, Miss Director!" said the girl, bowing her head slightly. "With my shield, calling for a new Heroic Spirit shouldn't be an issue."
"Good, good…" said Olga, tiredly. "One more thing. We didn't find the body of Lev Lainur."
Ritsuka frowned. Lev…right, the man in green that was kind to him.
"Do you think he-"
"I don't know," admitted Olga: she looked rather troubled behind her mask. "But most people were left intact in the aftermath, bar a few lost eyes and members. And…I have a few questions for him. He never showed an aptitude for rayshifting, but-"
"We'll do our best to find him," said Ritsuka. Something was eating his boss, but he decided not to delve too deep now - she had enough on her plate. "Keep Chaldea active."
"What do you think we were doing, staying still?" snarled Olga, but a small smile appeared on her face - Ritsuka reflected how much it did wonders for her expression. "Chaldea, ending the call."
The hologram turned off, and Mash put the communicator back on her shield - which was only behind the couch. Huh, she must have put it…
"Fou?"
"Hm?" said Mash before noticing a small form. "Fou! Did you get caught in the rayshift too?"
The girl picked the Privileged Lifeform, lifting it to face it.
"We are learning that many people and animals can rayshift," commented Ritsuka, somewhat snappy.
"I suppose we are," agreed the pinkette.
Caster hummed at the sight.
"Ain't that interesting…"
"Did you say something?" asked Ritsuka.
"Nothing you should worry about," he said, ignoring the creature staring at him. "Anyways, boss lady said that there's this large energy focus messing things up, right? No doubt it is the Holy Grail."
"Holy Grail?" asked Ritsuka, his head tilted. "Like the one from the myths?"
"Not quite," said Mash. "The ritual founders used the Holy Grail as the basis for devices capable of granting wishes. As Servants fall, they each fill it with energy until it's ready for us. In Chaldea, this term is used for any mass of magical energy that is abnormally high."
"Well, this is a bonafide grail," said Cú. "But one that is well-protected. Sit down because it's storytime."
The two teenagers looked at each other, then sat back on the couch, Fou jumping to sleep in Mash's legs.
"So, as I'm sure you already heard, we were having a Grail War in this city," said Cú. "I got first summoned by this cool-looking girl with red clothes, but then this priest guy nearly kills her and takes the Command Seals to become my new Master to get her treated. Pain in the ass, that guy: he was also a supervisor from the Church, so from the get-go, he cheated the rules by not being neutral."
"The Church is aware of…?"
"Yes," said Mash. "But it matters little now. Please, proceed, Cú-san."
"As I said, this priest became my new boss and we started fighting the other Servants. There was the girl on the flying horse, Rider. This guy with a bunch of weapons in the back, Lancer. A guy with a freaky arm, Assassin. This smug asshole with white hair, Archer. A man that looked more like a living rock, Berserker. And then this blonde chick, Saber. We fought for some time for our Masters, and things…were not normal, but it didn't get freaky until the city got set on fire. Then Saber reappeared but…" he licked his lips uneasily. "She came back wrong."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Ritsuka.
"She was a knight-type," explained the Child of Light. "You know, the ones that fight mostly honorably and have a code, armor, and all. But when she returned…she had changed, not only in personality but in appearance. The girl was white as ash and had yellow eyes where green once resided. And she was stronger. Her former Master didn't seem enough to keep her running at top performance, but now it was like she was being fed energy by ten of that guy."
He went silent.
"The first to go down was Lancer. He tried to use some sealing Phantasm to negate her, but she sliced through him like butter. Then Assassin got caught before he could use his Phantasm on her. Then Archer and Rider teamed up, but Saber overwhelmed both, killing Rider during the execution of her Phantasm and Archer by going to kill his Master who was hidden in a building on the other side of the city, and forcing him to try and protect her," he closed his eyes. "It didn't work. Shame. The girl was a bit rowdy but a good lass."
Another moment of silence.
"Finally, there was Berserker, and gods, wasn't he a tough son of a bitch. At that point, me and my Master allied with this little girl and Berserker to try and kill them, but, somehow, Saber figured out how to bring the Servants back to life. By the time we realized what was happening, Assassin sneaked through us, slayed Berserker's Master, and wounded mine to a point I couldn't patch him up. I didn't think it was too bad to die in battle, but then that asshat just had to use all of his Seals to order me to survive."
"All of them?" asked Mash. "But a supervisor also has the seals of previous Wars."
"Yes, all of them," repeated Cú. "This is how I managed to survive for so long. All of those seals gave me large reserves of mana that I used to set up spots where I can relax and recover some energy, but I'm running on fumes now," he looked at Ritsuka. "Though, perhaps…"
Ritsuka seemed to catch on quickly.
"I thought Servants were only bound to their summoner."
"Didn't my story go through your ears, kiddo?" said Caster. "My first Master got demolished, and the priest forced me to contract with him. It is possible, but I couldn't find any people to be my Master because they either left the city or were already dead. Though handling two Servants would be hard to a rookie magi, what to say three."
Ritsuka looked at Mash for answers.
"Chaldea helps a bit with supporting a Servant," said the girl. "But I think you won't be able to handle more than three, Master, which means we'll need the others if we require more assistance."
The brown-haired teenager reflected on the issue before nodding.
"We can't afford to let the person who knows the most about this Singularity fade away. Cú, I shall become your new Master."
The demigod smirked.
"Heh. Quick and decisive, just as I like. We'll be best buds!"
Ritsuka felt his Command Seals flare for an instant, a wave of discomfort climbing through his hand. He looked at the three-
"Weird, I feel the contract but don't see my seals there," said the sorcerer, lifting Ritsuka's hand.
"Oh, it's an adjustment," explained Mash. "A Master of Chaldea can only have three Command Seals at a time, but in exchange, they can regenerate with time. It was a countermeasure to go around the dissolution of a contract that comes with the full usage of a set."
"Smart," grumbled Chulainn, releasing the boy's hand. "Did you guys alter the ritual in any other meaningful way?"
The Shielder nodded, putting her shield on the ground.
"The way that Chaldea summons Servants is different," said Mash, looking at Ritsuka. "In the past, the Fuyuki system was based on a myriad of factors. Amongst them are a summoning chant, usage of catalysts to call upon certain Heroic Spirits or even compatibility summons."
"Compatibility summons?" asked the Master.
"Yes," said the pinkette, picking some shining stones from a compartment in the shield. "A summon that reflects one's inner nature in some way. Most magi, however, wanted to obtain certain heroes to serve them, so the usage of catalysts was widely used. The FATE system, however, is different."
She touched her shield.
"The Heroic Spirit I'm linked to…his shield has special properties that allow it to serve as a type of universal catalyst. Even before my changes, I could manifest it whenever I went, which was part of why I was chosen to be part of Team A. However, it's also very imprecise, as it can call any hero through it."
Ritsuka tapped his finger against the chin.
"So gacha."
Mash blinked.
"I…fear I do not recognize the term, Master. What does that mean?"
"It's a type of game popular back home," said the teenager. "It's based on a machine that sells a random doll for people that put money into it but expanded to be a videogame. Those are very popular for many reasons but also tend to be predatory as hell. And, boy howdy, my luck in these is awful." He grimaces, looking like having flashbacks of hardships.
"Hey," said Cú assuringly. "Every dog has his day. Let's give it a shot and see what you get."
RItsuka still seemed unsure, but he ultimately decided to step forward.
"Now, this Saint Quartz has a special function," said Mash, pointing at the rocks. "They are a large concentration of magic energy used to fuel a summon. In Chaldea, we can afford to use the generators to help feed the ritual, but if we need to summon Servants on the battlefield, we'll have to rely on these to do that. I have enough for a few shots, but…"
"Got it, don't waste it all away," said the Master, sweating. "Deep breaths, Rits…"
"Master, focus," said the girl gently. "Let your wishes lead the way here…seize the contract."
He closed his eyes. The quartz floated slightly above the shield, generating energy. Ritsuka felt something bounce on his leg, and he nearly lost focus for a second.
"What was that?!"
"Mapo tofu!" said Cú, looking worried and unnerved. "What the hell, kiddo?!"
"It's a collateral effect!" said Mash. "Sometimes the energy brings random artifacts, but with the amount I had, Master should be able to-!'
He didn't hear the end of it. His mind was dragged to somewhere.
A dark room. He looked around, trying to understand what was happening. A figure jumped around him, swift as the wind.
"So you are calling for help?" asked the figure. Her voice sounded youthful. "Do not fret, for my blade shall answer your call!"
She jumped towards him, her appearance growing defined.
He blinked, and he was back in the room with Mash and Cú. But now, a figure stood atop the girl's shield.
Scantily clad didn't start to describe her choice of clothing: bar by what seemed to be sleeves - one white, the other purple -and some pieces of o-yoroi sensibly covering her boobs and lower parts, she only wore socks and two sandals, along with what seemed to be a panty. Ritsuka resisted instinctively covering his eyes because he felt that could offend her. Her hair was tied into a ponytail, and she held a sword whose sheath looked like a raccoon tail.
The Servant bowed her head to Ritsuka.
"You've called for me, Servant Rider." Her smile was bright. "My name is Ushiwakamaru, and with my fiery Samurai spirit, I shall serve you, Master!"
Silence.
"Ushiwakamaru," repeated Ritsuka, perfectly blank-faced.
"Yes."
"Like…the one known as Minamoto no Yoshitsune, one of the great warriors of the Heian and Kamakura periods."
"Indeed."
"A guy?"
"Was that how history remembered it? A shame, but I am what you get."
Ritsuka slowly moved to the couch and lay down.
"I'm sorry, but I need ten while I deal with this paradigm shift, thank you very much."
"Grab the television, Rider."
The man carried the television to the table.
"Perry, dismantle it."
The platypus picked up a Swiss army knife from inside his hat, using it to open the machine.
"Why are we doing this?" asked Iskandar, looking at the scene and the other pieces spread through the table with curiosity.
As it turns out, the house they got into wasn't too affected by the fire overall. The air still smelled like ashes, and most of the things inside were destroyed, but that house still had a few things he could use. The owner must have been a mechanic or maybe a fellow inventor because there were lots of nuts, bolts, and all other kinds of material for the evil scientist to use, a small piece of heaven amidst hell.
However, he still was forced to scavenge some pieces from the electronics in the house and in the seemingly completely intact tube television. Man, those things were really old.
'No, no, Heinz. Don't think about such things. The important thing is to keep the spirit young, and thinking about how long those things existed leads the opposite way.'
Perry finished disassembling the machine.
"Good. Now, listen to my orders very carefully," said Heinz. "Take the metal from the television and start welding them like this…"
For the next hour or so, the evil scientist ordered his frenemy around as he slowly built the devices.
"You two have good synergy," remarked Iskandar. The giant of a man was keeping eyes on the surroundings for signs of more Servants, at one point even calling a man out of thin air to patrol the streets. "Is he your pet?"
"I already said he was my rival," corrected Doofenshmirtz. "And no, he's my archnemesis…sort of. We are friends now, but he's still my archnemesis. Do you get it?"
"He's your equal?" asked the conqueror, his brow raised.
"In a way," agreed the scientist.
"Then I understand perfectly," said Iskandar, nodding with a huge smile. "In life, I traded many blows with Darius III, king of the Persians. And in the previous war, I met my end against the King of Heroes after making him pull his greatest weapon…"
The usually boisterous king went silent, thinking about memories of the past, memories that shouldn't be there. He then remembered the attack on the skies earlier and frowned.
'Was that Archer the King of Heroes? I saw he used a blade as a projectile, so I thought it was his work. But it doesn't make sense: even if he didn't recognize me, that man would hardly perform a cowardly attack out of the blue from the start. So, who was our assailant? And what happened to this land?'
"Are you alright?" asked Heinz.
Iskandar chuckled.
"Do not fret: I was only reflecting on past rivalries," said the man, grinning. "It was a work of art from the Fates to make two archenemies become Masters for the sake of humanity. Ah: many great poets would write epics and ballads over such circumstances."
"...I don't want to be in a Greek play. These almost always end with the hero dead," said the scientist in a careful tone after a moment. He then looked at the prosthesis that was mounted and nodded. "Alright, this should do for the first arm. Do the honors, Perry."
The platypus nodded, putting the arm in the right socket. It was a very rough frame with thin metal beams and cranky fingers, but flexible and capable of advanced movement. Iskandar didn't need much to tell it was a rather impressive construct.
"Hm…pretty rough, but I should do it for now," he said. "Now I can do the other one alone."
With his new arm, Heinz started to work in the other pair, and fifteen minutes later, he finished the job.
"Man, you need to get better at your engineering, Perry," said Heinz criticizingly, picking the old arm and starting to improve on it. "Your touch is not even as good as mine."
The platypus rolled his eyes.
"Alright, I appreciate what you did, happy? Still, my case stands. Those weren't Doofenshmirtz's Evil Incorporated level of quality. Professionals have standards."
He twitched the fingers on his new arms.
It was a funny image to see the man with two metal sticks on his arm lumps start shadowboxing, but this was what Heinz did.
"Those will do," he said, nodding in approval. "Unless I find a lump of titanium or something. My Arm-Inator needs all the upgrades it can get…"
"Gyururururu."
"Yes, but prosthetics still aren't advanced enough to be comparable to my Inators. I even pitched a project once to sell those by DEI, but they deemed it 'too risky' even though I showed them time and time again that it wasn't! Ugh, I swear, why did I never go after the health system, the number of times those guys recommended me medicines that did squat for me!"
Iskandar chuckled.
"I know you understand him," said Iskandar. "But there's some amusement to take in thinking he's answering the most random things to your questions."
"What? Noo," said Doof. "Perry is too polite to do that! Well, except that one time when he kept going after my sandwiches, but then again, no one is the same when they're hungry."
Perry politely looked away, focusing on the seals in his back.
Iskandar frowned.
"Hm, yes, we should talk about his condition as a Master," said the Rider. "I have never seen an animal that has Command Seals."
"If you want to be technical, a human is an animal, but I get your point," said Heinz, his lips pursing while scratching his chin. "But…what should we do now?"
"Hm," the king reflected. "My gut instinct would be to attempt to call a partner for your nemesis, but we would need at least a summoning circle for that. Unfortunately, I am no Caster, but I could arrange something. It will take time, however, so we should set for another goal in the meantime."
"The teenagers," said Doof. "Ritsuka and Mash."
"Lovely names," said the king. "It will allow us to form a small battalion to fight against the dangers in this city. I would recommend looking for allies in this hell, but…" he closed his eyes. "If the Servants we saw were anything to measure, then I feel this is a fool's errand, for they are all but beasts thirsty for blood."
Even from what he saw until now, Iskandar could tell that the warriors summoned for the war were of great power. Unfortunately, the circumstances just weren't great for a recruitment spree.
He could even hear the voice of his old Master whining about that, and he had to suppress a smile. The king wondered how his vessel was doing now. He probably got a few inches and maybe swooned a few ladies…he had faith that Waver Velvet got far in his life.
"Hm…if I had time and resources, maybe I could build a Decorrupt-Inator, but I don't think I have either, and magecraft is plain odd," sighed Heinz, then picking his nose. "Maybe a plan for the future. But that's beside the point," he took a boogie out and threw it away. "Phew, that was annoying for some time. We need clues on how to go with this. I don't think there's time to build a radar to find those kids."
Iskandar closed his eyes.
"The Gordius Wheel is ready to fly without issues," he said. "But there's that Archer. If I'm right on who he is, his range is large enough to snipe us out of the sky. And if it isn't, then we don't know his range of attack, and he could strike us out of the sky."
"An Archer? But he threw a sword at us!" said Doofenshmirtz, his face showing incredulity. "That sounds more like a…like a…Perry, what's the name of the sword using class?"
"Gyu."
"Saber, thank you. Aren't they supposed to use a bow and arrow, then?"
"Hm…I suppose Archer is a misleading name," said Iskandar. "But it's a class specialized in long-range attacks, not only in archery. The man I suspect our mysterious enemy is, King Gilgamesh, used some type of magecraft to release the weapons of his vault at high speed."
"Gilgamesh…what a weird name!" said Heinz Doofenshmirtz with a chortle, missing the deadpan reaction of the platypus, the irony flying over his head. "You think he recognized you?"
"Hm…isn't this a good question. Something is wrong with the Servants of this city if that Rider or the Berserker in the forest are any signs. But I wouldn't think that man would have his will be bent so easily."
Perry said a few more things to Doof.
"He said: 'Ask that later: we are wasting time here.' Yes, I suppose there's nothing else we can do here besides collecting a few more…"
Iskandar raised his fist.
"I can feel it. A Servant…no, two of them," his face was dark. "We need to move. Now."
With a whistle, the man called for his chariot, which crashed through the roof and materialized in a storm.
"Climb! Time is our enemy now!"
Both Masters jumped at the chariot.
"Now, let's - ARGH!"
Iskandar would be dead if it weren't for Perry's quick reflexes.
Usually, a living being wouldn't be able to react to a Servant's attack in any meaningful way: their superior physical condition meant that trying to match their reaction time was useless. However, Perry was a spy with years of training: even if he couldn't see someone watching him, he could feel it.
Admittedly, it was a gut feeling, which was part of why he hadn't said anything even to Doof. However, he felt the figure would try to stop their escape and planned accordingly.
As a result, rather than a direct strike to the heart, Perry's push made Iskandar merely have his shoulder clipped by the killer.
"An Assassin!" he snarled. "Ride, boys!"
The Divine Bulls listened and ran as fast as they could, crashing through buildings in a straight line.
"Are you alright?!" asked Heinz worriedly.
"Yes, the blade didn't seem poisonous!" said the man, holding the reins with a single hand and checking his shoulder with the other. "Magnificent, Perry the Platypus! You managed to notice the presence of that Hassan even before I could! You would be a fine spymaster!"
"The name of that class is Hassan?!" asked Doofenshmirtz, his expression of terror greatly justified.
"Their title!" corrected the man. "Hassan-i-Sabbah, killers of an Islamic sect! He seems different from the one I met, though."
A whistle in the air.
"DUCK!"
The spike flew over Heinz's head. As it retracted, he saw the Rider from earlier pursuing them, along with a black-skinned man with a skull mask and an enormous arm that glowed an ominous orange, and a man carrying a mountain of spears and blades in his backpack.
"Three Servants…" said Iskandar, frowning at their dire predicament. His mind went to analyze the situation.
Three enemies. One of them was the infamous monster of the Shapeless Island, with one of her Noble Phantasms related to the mare borne from her blood. Not only that, but her trump card would kill him and the Masters with a direct hit.
Then there were the other two. The Assassin…he remembered the Hassan he fought: they had the skill to split themselves into clones that looked distinct from each other - he wasn't aware of the mechanisms, only that they were easy to crush. If he had to guess, his Noble Phantasm was related to that hand, so it was in the best of his interests to stop it.
And, finally, the third man. An unknown, but he seemed to share traits with the Japanese people. A local hero, perhaps? That would ramp up his danger significantly, depending on how famous that man was - or did that even matter with those shades?
Regardless, Iskandar analyzed the situation calmly. Alone, his odds of victory were low. But…
He was never alone.
Closing his eyes, he tried to call for it, for the men who served under him, only to find himself surprised at how hard that was.
'Something's amiss,' he thought. An interference Noble Phantasm or…? 'No, the truth is far more simple.'
Heinz Doofenshmirtz was a novice to magical arts. It begged the question if he even knew how to open his Magic Circuit. The Gordius Wheel wasn't hard for the Rider to call, and neither was it to summon figures from inside his Reality Marble. Yet, deploying it seems to be a tough and lengthy task.
'It's a wonder I can even do this in the first place,' he thought. With enough time, he could focus enough energy to materialize it with only his Master's energy but not while riding the chariot in a mad race through the city.
'If I use energy from my reserves…' he pondered before deciding against it. Yes, he could call it for a few minutes, but then the King of Conquerors would be forced to go to spiritual form - meaning both Masters would be vulnerable to attacks of Archer, Caster, Berserker, or Saber.
That said, it wasn't as if he was defenseless.
He turned his carriage in a U-turn and charged at full speed against the trio. The Assassin and the Rider jumped away while what he supposed was the Lancer of the war drew one of his blades and held his ground. The bulls crashed through him, but surprisingly he wasn't sent flying, having dug his heels on the ground deeply.
"You think…such an attack…will send ME flying?" grunted the shadowy Lancer, raising his spear to strike at the animals. However, they manage to shove him away and trample over his body, slowly gathering momentum.
CRASH!
Medusa jumped from his perch, crashing into the side of Gordius' Wheel. It wasn't enough to flip it, but it shook the structure a bit.
"Tsk," said the famed Gorgon, attempting to attack Perry, but Iskandar fended her away with a swing of his blade.
"Ride, boys, ride!" said the conqueror, swinging his weapon to deflect the blades Assassin threw at them.
'Three against one while weakened…not good odds,' he thought. The Servants were gunning for his Master and the archnemesis first and foremost. He never had to deal with three Servants at once. Not without his Marble. 'I need to end this swiftly. But if I do that…'
The man decided to communicate his intentions.
'Doofenshmirtz?'
'Uh? Voices in my head?' said the man, his sarcasm toning in the link. 'Don't you see it's a bad time?'
'It's me,' he said. 'I didn't see the need to tell before, but Servants can communicate with their Masters by mental links. I have a plan to fend off those three…but you'll have to leave me behind.'
'What?!' said the doctor, the feelings of disbelieved shock and concern are strong. 'Why?!'
'I'm planning to release Gordius Wheel's true name to summon an attack,' he explained. 'However, I will not be able to maintain it in the world, and those two Servants will be able to catch Bucephalus quickly. I will try to kill them all with this one blow or hold them off while you make a getaway, then attempt to escape.'
'...this doesn't sound like a good plan.' He felt his Master's trepidation.
'It's the best I got with what we have,' he replied. 'Even the mightiest tactical minds are held down by lack of information.'
He glanced around. They had moved quite a bit at the last minute, so he needed to choose a good spot to-
His senses felt something. A Bounded Field, weak but present.
'This is as safe as it gets,' he said. 'I'm dropping you two here.'
'Wait, wha-'
In a skillful maneuver, Rider picked both Masters and threw them through the still intact paper doors, crashing through them, then turning to face the aggressors.
"Alright, you dogs! The King of Conquerors shall now give you the reception you deserve!"
The carriage surged with thunder. The three Servants moved in different directions, and he let out a tsk. In hindsight, his plan was obvious, but he still could salvage the idea to an extent-
He dodged the spikes and the knives. For the spike, he also used his Gordius Wheel to conduct electricity through it. The purple-haired gorgon grits her teeth but shrugs it off. The spearman threw some of his weapons at him, but the calling of a single lightning obliterated the projectile.
"Come, you hounds!" said Iskandar, swinging his blade wide. "Whether in defense or attack, I shall defeat all three of you!"
The bulls trampled on the ground in agreement. Medusa gave a sadistic smirk.
"Oh, but we only need one to get past you. Distract him, I will-"
The man charged at the monster, the lightning shining against the dark sky. He kept charging time and time again until Assassin tried to attack him. In the meantime, Iskandar saw Lancer moving to the house he threw the two Masters into. It was probably the best possible outcome for their group: with him keeping Medusa distracted and with Assassin trying to slay him in the openings he gave after attacks, the two Servants he knew would catch the duo were distracted.
On the other hand…there still was a Servant after them.
"Owie…" said Heinz with a wince, looking at the house that Iskandar threw him and Perry inside. It had seen better days, but at least the man didn't land on a wooden table. He felt something weird in the atmosphere of the place. Was that some kind of spell-
His senses buzzed, and he barely avoided the spear that would turn him into a shish-kebab at Drusselstein's style.
"Hm…rather a shame," said the Lancer, entering the room. "To paint this house red with your blood. Such impoliteness is almost unforgivable. Forgive me, owner of this house."
"I…don't think there's anyone to be upset about this?" said Doofenshmirtz, stepping back.
The Lancer shook his head.
"You misunderstand. It's the principle of the thing. Even if it's my work to slay you above all else, honoring the lair of others - even more of an honored host - matters much."
Perry put himself in between Servant and his frenemy, raised paws.
"Ohoh? A small but mighty warrior appears," he says mockingly. "It brings memories of Lord Yoshitsune."
The secret agent didn't hesitate to jump and start hitting the spirit - who didn't budge an inch. It was like kicking a stone wall. The fact he had a busted foot didn't make the comparison less accurate. Benkei chuckled darkly.
"I respect your spunk to stand an overwhelming foe. However…"
With the side of his blade, he threw Perry through the wall.
"Perry the Platypus!" exclaimed Heinz before scowling and putting his fists up. "How dare you?! No one hits my archnemesis other than me!"
He performed a pitch-perfect straight against the man's face and took it without trying to block. His nose didn't even twist a bit. There was a sadistic energy in the man's smile.
"Not bad."
THUMP!
Doof was sent flying to the outside by the side of the blade. He felt part of it cutting his skin, some blood flowing from the cut.
'Master, call me!' said Iskandar rushedly from their mind connection. 'Burn one of your command seals and-'
Heinz couldn't hear it, however. His mind was paralyzed by the man who slowly approached.
"I shall praise you," said Lancer. "To have the nerve to punch me, Musashibou Benkei, without a moment of hesitation. However, you lost any chance of surviving another day when you chose to stay and fight- not that I can blame you, for even then, your odds were too slim."
He drew a large spear from his back, putting the one he held until then back in place.
"I shall provide you with a chance to utter last words. Anything you have to say?"
"Spare the platypus," he said without hesitation, his face pleading as his body trembled. "Please, this is all I ask."
The man looked shaken for a moment before chuckling.
"Ah, to see such friendship…unfortunately, my orders are clear: no living being must remain in this city. Farewell, friend of platypus."
He twirled his spear, ready for the final blow-
THWIP!
"AAAH-!"
An arrow pierced his hand, leading to him releasing the spear in pain.
"What the-?!"
He avoided the arrow going to his head by moving to the right, getting the shoulder pierced-
"GUH?!"
Much to his surprise, an arrow appeared just where his heart would be, piercing it.
"Impossible…where did you…?"
Heinz looked from where the arrows came. He didn't notice earlier, but he hadn't seen Perry close to him. That was, of course, because of his tiny frame: the attack from Benkei launched him into the backyard, and then, by some miracle, he was sent just in the right angle to crash through the single shack in there, miraculously intact until then.
The arrows that flew came strong enough to pierce the wooden wall that blocked the view, allowing Doof to see what happened. He first noticed Perry supporting himself against a wall. On the ground in front of him, there was…
Wait, wasn't that circle exactly like the one in the castle? Well, probably not pitch-perfect equal, but…
'Oh. That explains her.'
The woman wielding the bow stared at Benkei coldly. She had a whole green motif - green clothes, green eyes, and her hair's front locks were green, contrasting with the blonde behind. Speaking of said hair, she urgently needed an introduction to shampoo because that hair was the kind of thing that would give Vanessa a heart attack and…were those cat ears on top of her head? Twitching cat ears?
But the most important thing at the moment was the enormous bow in her hands. The one she used to launch the arrows at Mach speeds against Benkei.
To the credit of the Shadow Servant, he didn't let a lethal blow be the end.
"You-!" In defiance, he motioned to throw the spear in a last hurrah. Suddenly, two arrows popped on his forehead. He looked at them for a moment before his body fell to the ground, limp. A few seconds later, his body disappeared into nothingness.
Doof looked shocked at the girl, who lowered her bow. She looked at him, before turning to face her new Master, bowing to meet Perry at eye-level.
"This is a most unusual arrangement…" she said. "But I am…Hm?" she looked at the mad scientist for a moment, her face stoic, before looking at the platypus. "Well, if you insist. I am Servant Archer. True name, Atalanta."
At the edge of a certain forest, things seemed peaceful.
There was no more life in those woods: all swept away during the ensuing chaos of the falloff of the Holy Grail War. If anyone remained, then it was small critters that could barely live with what they had and the occasional sly fox that hunted for anything in sight.
Yet, there was an apex predator there. For the longest time, he stood in his habitat. So long as one didn't approach the structure built by the white-haired humans, no animal would suffer.
Yet, for whatever reason, he decided to move today. After thunder struck the land, he became relentless in a way no one had seen before. Maybe because it disrespected the sacredness of his land: maybe because he felt some connection to the invader. Perhaps his shadowy commander felt something off and forced him to do her bidding. Or even because he simply was mad, as always.
Regardless, the mountain marched through the woods with an eerily calm, unlike him. Some of the surviving animals were crushed by not avoiding his footsteps fast enough.
For a moment he stopped atop a high point to observe the city. His red eyes watched it coldly…
Then said cold disappeared, and the soul in his eyes became red hot, as he roared to the skies and jumped to the space below.
529
Underdog Emiya
Mar 14, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 7 - Training Under The Stars
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Apr 7, 2024
#620
Chapter 7: Training Under The Stars
Of all possible options, Atalanta wouldn't say she expected to get a platypus as Master.
The sentence itself gave the reason why she thought such a situation was an impossibility. Not that she disliked the arrangement, of course: she liked most animals with no issues, even if there was no way that teal platypus was wild.
At least it wasn't Shirou Kotomine…
(How did she remember that name? Questions for later.)
Regardless, she heard a call for help, a call of nature. She accepted it, and now she had to deal with that situation.
…even when the man with the funny face was puking in the back. Then again, he had a close meeting with death; even the best warriors would be shaking in his boots in such a situation.
"Gyu?"
The platypus seemed to have taken quite a beating. She understood a bit of what happened to him by looking around and feeling some of his emotions through the channel, but-
Huh, that's weird, the channel closed. Looking at the platypus' glare, it became clear what the issue was.
"Forgive me, but I needed to use our connection to understand what was happening," she apologized.
The small animal frowned slightly, but he nodded. A private type, from her judgment, but not an unreasonable Master. She could work with that.
"W-" she heard the man starting before letting out some more puke. When he finally got himself under control, he asked. "Who are you…again?"
"I am Atalanta," she repeated. "An Archer. I felt my Master saying you are no enemy, but…who are you, then?"
"His…archnemesis," coughed Heinz.
The huntress tensed up slightly. 'A foe?' she started slowly reaching for an arrow.
Perry made a gesture with his hand, shaking from one side to the other.
"So or so? What's that supposed to-"
"You understand his gestures too?" interrupted the man, trying to lift from the ground. He winced as he touched his cheek to see the cut.
"I…suppose I do?" replied the huntress slowly, she too had a questioning look. Huh, that was weird. She didn't have any sort of ability to communicate with animals but she could understand some of their body language. This was neither, so how was she-
CRACK!
Sound of lightning. The catwoman tensed at that.
"Ah, Rider!" said Heinz, his face showing realization out of concerned panic. "You need to go and help him! He's fighting against two more Servants!"
'Huh, now here's a familiar scenario,' she thought to herself, feeling nostalgic. Once more, partnering with a Rider to fight against other Servants.
She only hoped her partner wasn't a certain son of Peleus or an air-headed Paladin of Charlemagne. That would make things awkward.
"Master? Your call," she asked calmly. The platypus nodded, and with that, she jumped to the fight.
Iskandar thought things were going better than expected, all things considered.
He wasn't dead yet, for starters.
It wasn't in his plans to perish there. But even the usually optimistic King of Conquerors could tell the situation wasn't good.
Oh, sure, facing Gilgamesh would still be the toughest fight he ever had for a mile. But at the time he could summon his Reality Marble, was empowered by three Command Seals, and didn't have to worry about protecting Waver besides the attack the King of Heroes unleashed to destroy Ionioi Hetairoi.
Here? He was weakened, and he hated it. He had some control over his army's Marble, but he couldn't manifest it. His master was a novice, and therefore the Rider had to rely mainly on his own power to keep fighting. And he only had one shot at using his chariot to knock two Servants, with a third going after the-
A roar of pain. It didn't sound like Doofenshmirtz or the platypus, however. Something was happening. He could feel a new presence. A Servant.
'They managed to summon another Servant?' That was the conclusion that Iskandar came to. It could be a non-hostile Servant, but he had no reason to believe that was the case: only the presence of the new Heroic Spirit and two Masters. 'This seemed to be the house of a magus. Did we luck out enough to find a Master's home?' It was the only type of place that would have the arrangements needed to call upon a Servant so quickly, after all.
He looked at his opponents. Medusa and the skull-faced Hassan were also distracted by the sudden scream but were already turning back to fight, the Assassin staying behind and preparing to do something - a Noble Phantasm, perhaps? Iskandar allowed himself a dry grin.
'I see. That Noble Phantasm is doubtlessly his assassination technique,' he reflected. 'And Medusa is to give time for it to conclude…'
He led his Gordius Wheel to the heavens. A few seconds later, Medusa called for her dark Pegasus to follow suit.
'...but I will wipe the both of you in a flash!'
He gathered his power. The chariot started to release more lightning bolts, as he gave an u-turn.
"Light at the other end of the world…"
Recognizing her opponent's intent, Medusa also gathered energy for the clash.
"Please allow me to kindly crush you…"
Both mounts then shot at high speed, breaking the sound barrier in the process.
"Conquer! Via Expugnatio!" "Bellerophon!"
The sky screamed at the clash, which wiped away the clouds in a diameter of five hundred meters. Thunder roared against the darkened mount. It was a power struggle…but one that Iskandar slowly won.
'Impossible,' thought Medusa, disbelief and panic clouding her corrupted mind. 'How is he overpowering Bellerophon?'
The blackened Servant knew she wasn't as strong as in the past, but Bellerophon was still an attack performed by a beast with power equivalent to a dragon. So how was a measly chariot-?
What the blackened Rider had failed to account for was that it was no mere chariot: it was the Gordius Wheel, driven by two Divine Bulls said to be incarnations of Zeus, almost demigods in a sense. Individually, neither of them could hold a candle to Pegasus' power even in this weakened state: together, however, it was a whole different story. And, slowly, Pegasus was being more and more pressured…
Until it couldn't handle it anymore. The aura surrounding the son of Medusa started to fade, and this is when the scuffle reached it's conclusion.
The comet was struck down by the divine bulls of Zeus, his Rider unable to leave in time.
"UOOOOOOOO!"
Realizing that the power struggle was lost, Hassan quickly moved out of the way.
BOOM! CRACK!
For a moment, the air smelt like ozone. The Gordius Wheel stood over the body of the Gorgon, one of the sickles by the side piercing her heart.
"Forgive me…Sakura…" murmured the Servant in sorrow and regret, her body dissipating into nothingness.
Iskandar closed his eyes as the Gordius Wheel dissolved.
"May you rest well, Gorgon Medusa," said the man, who then turned to Hassan, who watched the scene intently. "And now, there's only one."
He could feel the eyes behind the mask narrowing.
"Not for long," he declared. Iskandar realized a second after that his orange hand now held something, and he felt a shiver up his spine. "Human souls are insubstantial things. Writhe in agony!"
Before he could call his Phantasm's name, he was forced to avoid a rain of arrows coming in his direction. The giant man manifested a horse out of nowhere to chase him, and the Assassin decided to end things here and there.
"Zabaniya!"
He crushed the heart…
Or did he? All his hands grasped was empty air.
"Phew, right on time," he dodged the fireballs launched by that loathsome Caster.
"You-!"
"Me," said the man in blue with a shit-eating grin. "Man, I got here too late. Now, the only opponent remaining for little old me won't even satisfy my bloodlust. Oh well," with that Caster threw fireballs at Assassin, who weaved through the first salvo and the following ones.
The blackened Servant threw knife after knife against his enemies. He knew it was too late to retreat, so he decided to try and take one of them with him. He prepared to use his arm again…
SLASH!
Hm? Why did everything go upside…
Ah. He could see his body. That explained a lot.
Those were the final thoughts of Hassan of the Cursed Arm.
In midair, Ushiwakamaru grasped the head of the Blackened Servant. Then, in a flash, she appeared in front of her new lord and put it near his feet.
"Here, Master," said the young Rider, bowing. "I bring thee, the head of the last - oh, it's fading away," she said, as Assassin's head disappeared, leaving only a stain of blood. She pouted in disappointment akin to a puppy. "Forgive me, it seems that Servant's heads are a poor thing to present to you."
Ritsuka managed to hold on to his meal.
"No…there was no need to go so far," he said calmly, trying to ignore his aching stomach. "Really."
"It is a gesture of respect for my lord," she argued.
"Ushiwakamaru-san…" said Mash, closing her eyes. "I don't think such practice is still common nowadays. Senpai is a bit…"
The eyes of the girl widened a bit.
"I see. Forgive me, Master, I will warn you before when I bring any heads for you."
"I think you missed the point there…"
At this point, Heinz and Perry stumbled out of the house, looking exhausted. Atalanta jumped down from the roof, joining the duo.
"Ohoh?" said Iskandar, watching the woman with interest. "Who is your Master…Archer, I presume?"
"The platypus," said the catgirl. "I never thought I would think such a thing…"
"Indeed: the world has many surprises, don't you think?" chuckled the king, letting Bucephalus dissipate. "And you are?"
"Caster," said Cú. "Currently my boss is the boy in white over there."
Doofenshmirtz perked up at that.
"Kids! You are alright and - Mash, what the hell are you wearing and how old are you again?!"
"I don't see anything wrong in the clothing of Mash-dono," said Ushiwakamaru with a shrug, leading the man to focus on her…
"How old are you?" asked the man with a serious expression.
"Hm? Well, I died thirty years old, but like this…dunno, sixteen or seventeen?"
Silence. The man slowly approached the young girl and held her hand, before dragging her to the inside of the house.
"Hm? You are the friend of Fujimaru-dono, right? What are you doing? Wait, you have metal arms? That's so cool! You look so gloomy though, what is the…"
The remaining figures in the field looked as he dragged her inside the house.
"...I think we need some time to talk and a space to sit," said Ritsuka. "Because my feet are killing me."
"Modern people these days are getting soft," mocked Cú. "In my days, I ran through the entirety of the Land of Shadows twice a week as part of my training routine, and I liked it," he paused. "But a place to chill would be fine. I need to cope with the fact I lost this big, badass battle, with my single contribution being stopping that bastard from popping this guy's heart like a water balloon."
"So that was his ability? I see," said Iskandar. "In that case, you have my gratitude. The King of Conquerors never forgets those who serve him well."
"Oh, a rather fancy name there," said Cú. "Cú Chulainn. Again, Caster."
"Oh, another Irishman?" said the conqueror, becoming more enthused. "I remember seeing one Diarmuid Ua Duibhne during one certain war. Does the name ring any bells?"
"A knight of Fianna? Of course I did," he gave a toothy grin. "All good fighters, or so I heard."
"He seemed like one," said the Rider, nodding. "My name is Iskandar, but some may know me as Alexander the Great."
Ritsuka looked at the giant of a man.
"Aren't you supposed to be small?" he blurted, before putting his hand on his mouth. "I'm sorry, it's just-"
Much to his surprise, the man laughed.
"Oh, that's already the second time people ask me that," he gave a mischievous grin. "All I say is that you should look at the other guy," he then looked at Mash. "And who would be this young squire of yours?"
Mash stumbled a bit at being mentioned, before regaining her composure and saying:
"M-Mash Kyrielight, Iskandar-san!" said the pinkette. "Demi-Servant of the Shielder Class."
'Demi…?' hummed the man. No, he would question it later, but it did explain why her aura felt different from others. He looked back at the Master. "And I heard her refer to you as Ritsuka…"
"Fujimaru," said the Master. "And our Rider is Yoshit - Ushiwakamaru," he corrected.
"I nearly confused her for a Saber with that swift slash," commented Iskandar, before finally turning to the Archer. "And who would you be? I assume you took care of the shadow Lancer?"
The woman seemed hesitant, but a glance at her Master was enough for her to decide.
"I am, indeed, an Archer. My true name is Atalanta of Arcadia."
The eyes of the man widened.
"Ohoh. A name I recognize from many tales," he said, making a huge grin. "It's an honor to stand by your side."
For a moment, the catgirl saw another Rider, one with hair as green as the grassfields of her homeland.
"And I give the same respect towards you, King of Conquerors," she said, bowing her head slightly.
"Good to see everyone's being friends," said Ritsuka. "Now, can we sit? It seems we have much to report back to Chaldea."
Ritsuka positioned the device in front of him. He, Mash, and Perry sat around a small table that somehow survived the disaster, Cú finishing the formation.
"Hm…fate surely is a bitch to bring us here," mumbled the Servant.
"The house's owner was a Master?" asked Mash curiously.
"Saber's original Master," said Caster, looking glum. "A bull-headed kid, let me tell you. I don't think he knew exactly the kind of shithole he was about to jump into with the Holy Grail War, but then again, I don't think most know," his expression grew serious. "I don't know what happened to him, but I wouldn't be surprised if Saber still has an eye in this place, and she still has Archer under her thrall. Let's not take too much more time here."
Ritsuka was about to ask a question when Doofenshmirtz entered the room.
"All done," he said with a satisfied smile. Ushiwakamaru followed suit, wearing mostly the same clothes, but she now wore a tight black bodysuit to cover her torso.
"This is surprisingly comfy," admitted the Rider, kneeling close to the table. "Your magical beams do wonders, sorcerer man."
"Magical beams?" asked Ritsuka.
Heinz brought up a gun - but not one that looked like an actual one, it looked more like a prop in a science-fiction movie.
"Cloth-Inator."
The teenager stares.
"What?" asked Ritsuka flatly.
"Cloth-Inator, you shoot and it creates clothes for you. I would use it on you, Mash, but this girl here was pretty hard to please."
"I am not hard to please," complained Ushiwakamaru. "It's you that don't understand the advantages of unrestricted movement."
"You're lucky I didn't force you to put on shorts too," said the mad scientist, huffing. "A young girl shouldn't be walking around like that unless she's taking a bath or on a beach! I had to use all the AA batteries I found just to get you the right suit!"
"It is a nice suit…" she repeated. "And it lets me run unrestricted too. Everyone is happy!"
"I am unhappy," complained Heinz. "I wanted to use that in Mash to cover her."
"Well…it's not as bad as Ushiwakamaru was," said Archer in a calm assurance. "And at least there's some armor."
The man let out a disapproving hum, sitting on the ground together with the young Rider.
"What possessed you to wear such a revealing outfit anyway, dear?" said Doofenshmirtz.
Perry made some quick gestures to Doof.
"Oh, no, that's actually a better question. How did you get them?"
The girl closed her eyes.
"It's…complicated," Mash said. "And I will explain later. For now, it's better to inform the Director of these developments."
She picked the communicator and put it on the ground. It took a few minutes before the signal stabilized enough to make the call.
"So soon?" asked Olga. "Does that mean you two found…"
"Hey, bosslady!" said the man, waving. "I'm still kicking!"
"...what happened to your arms?"
"Big magical mountain bear ripped them off. Or something like that," he said. "Had to improvise something to not stay like one of those Greek statues that always appears in museums."
Perry shook his head, before turning his back to show his Seals. The eyes of the woman narrowed.
"...I see. So the records were not wrong. You two became Masters."
"Yeah, I also have a mark! Here, let me put the shirt a bit down and…"
As he was facing the other wall to show his Seal, Doof couldn't see the baffled expressions of Olga and the other people present in the room bar Iskandar and Perry.
"Well…it's a mark, alright," said the magus. "Master Fujimaru, report on what happened since last contact."
The boy nodded, and, with Mash's help made a very quick resume on how Caster explained the situation in Fuyuki and revealed his identity as Ireland's Child of Light, how they called Ushiwakamaru as their new Servant, and how, in the midst of their preparations to deal with the other Servants, heard the conflict between Doof's Rider and the trio, leading to their meeting.
At this point, Olga took a deep breath in irritation, before letting out a deep sigh.
"So, let me get this straight. You appeared in a forest and found an enemy Servant."
"Yup," said Heinz.
"Somehow stumbled into a Summoning Circle, called a powerful Servant by compatibility, then proceeded to find Perry just in the right moment to save him from being slain."
"Seems correct so far." The director began massaging her temple.
"And the Servant thought you were hit by her Phantasm directly, passed over you, where you then improvised two mechanical arm prostheses, and, when the Shadow Servant went after you with two of your friends, you just happened to stumble into another Master's lair and stumbled into his Summoning Circle, allowing the platypus to call a Servant strong enough to defeat the attacker."
"Why are you repeating this?" asked the man with a brow raised.
"Because I'm having a hard time letting sink that your luck didn't backfire in any obvious ways on me," she groaned with an exasperated face, before adding. "But…don't take that in the wrong way. I am happy that you are alive, considering the state of the other Masters."
"You don't seem very happy…" said Ushiwakamaru, looking at the woman in the image.
"Trust me, there's not much reason to smile right now," said the Director, her lips thinning in grim. "The reactors are almost completely patched up, but…many people died. This is a disaster, and still no contact with the outside. At least the rumbling stopped."
"The spacequakes stopped?" said Doofenshmirtz, jumping in surprise. "Hm, what could that mean…?"
"I passed the data you had to Da Vinci," said Olga. "Maybe then…maybe then we'll get our answer."
Her expression seemed to harbor some guilt after mentioning the data. Doof gave an assuring smile.
"Don't worry, I'm not the type to be mad if others use my computer," said the man. "At least not anymore. Just don't delete any of my recipes and you'll be fine."
The woman seemed ready to say something but hesitated and decided to change topics.
"So, we have confirmed the elimination of three Servants?"
"Yup," said Cú. "Now all that remains is Archer and the other guy - but I doubt he will want to go here. Even now Saber can't order him."
"There's a way to jinx us," said Atalanta, slowly nodding. "And I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Atalanta, Archer Servant. The platypus is my Master."
"And I am the King of Conquerors, Iskandar," said the king, arms crossed grandly. "And I heard the plea of Heinz Doofenshmirtz to become his Servant. So you are the leader of this Chaldea? That is the face of a young commander."
"I am in my twenties, thank you very much," said the woman in a defensive tone, before shaking her head. "What am I saying, I shouldn't be arguing with a guy like that. So, we have four pure Servants plus Mash against two. It shouldn't be too difficult to deal with the Singularity now and remove the disturbance."
"I…wouldn't be so sure about that," said Cú, wariness colored his facial features.
"There we go," said Ritsuka quietly before speaking loudly. "There's something I wanted to ask you about. Do you know who Saber is supposed to be?"
"Does that matter?" asked Doofenshmirtz.
"Of course it does," said Iskandar, looking and sounding more like a general than a king at the moment. "In any battle between Servants, identifying a Servant's identity is key to the fight. Of course, there are cases where power is all that matters, but most times, knowledge is power, as knowing who a hero is entails knowing his strong points and the weak ones. So, who is this fierce enemy you speak of?"
Chulainn tapped his fingers against the table for a second before saying:
"King Arthur."
Silence.
"K-king Arthur?!" gagged Olga, reeling in shocked disbelief. "One of the strongest Saber Servants?!"
"The King of Knights did this?!" roared Iskandar, who looked shocked, furious, and offended at the reveal, "Impossible! This is not like her!"
"Her?!" questioned Ritsuka, gaping.
"You know King Arthur?" asked Ushiwakamaru curiously, her reaction tame compared to others. "But you are from different times and countries, aren't you? One thing is hearing from him - her - but another is claiming to know."
"Gyurururu."
In their first time seeing her display of emotions openly, Atalanta turned shocked at her Master.
"Him too?! How?!"
"Him too, what?" asked Ushiwakamaru, tilting her head.
The huntress tapped her foot nervously before saying:
"I remember a previous Grail War I had been in, one that happened in Romania. I thought any magi would know of such an event."
"Romania?" asked Mash, looking completely confused. "But as far as I'm aware, the Grail War only happened in Japan."
"A Grail War?" asked Iskandar, calming down from his outburst somewhat. "Don't you mean the Fourth…or I suppose the Fifth Grail War?"
The two Greek Servants looked at each other.
"What is happening here?" asked the cat Archer softly, appearing as lost as her allies were feeling. "This discrepancy doesn't make any sense, I know more than five Grail Wars happened."
"...parallel timelines."
"Hm?" said Ritsuka, looking at the small hologram of his superior in confusion. "What do you mean by that, Director?"
"One thing you need to understand is that the place where the information about a Heroic Spirit's information is stored, the Throne of Heroes, is not bound to the laws of physics: it's in a space where time means little and in a space no one can find. Therefore, it was theorized that Heroic Spirits could inherit memories of other timelines, but we could never prove it because we only summon a Heroic Spirit twice and they have a mechanism to not remember previous summonings when called to participate in Grail Wars."
"So you say Iskandar and Atalanta have memories of different timelines?" asked Ritsuka, incredulity growing in his voice.
Olga nodded.
"Fascinating!" said Heinz, contrasting the others grasping the situation, the man looks enthusiastic. "I always wanted to build a successful Other-Dimension-Inator to see if parallel worlds existed, but this proves it!"
"A 'successful' Inator?" asked Mash. "Did you try to create it?"
"Yeah, but it didn't pan out well," said the man, grumbling. "One moment I'm about to activate it, the other I wake up in a Hannibal Lector cosplay - straitjacket and muzzle included! - in front of my house. Apparently things were wild that day, but no dimensional travel."
(Perry made the point of focus at some random magazine on the ground at this moment, while Fou looked at him suspiciously. It was hard to tell if it was because of the statement or because said magazine was a porn one, with a blonde model on the front.)
"Please, tell me you didn't try to mimic the Kaleidoscope of Zelretch." Olga pleaded.
"What?" said Doofenshmirtz, blinking. "Noooo. I would have to know what that is to mimic it."
"That is…an annoyingly good counterargument," she muttered. "Still, don't mess with that. The last thing we need is for you to figure how to mimic True Magic."
"Noted," said the man, looking disappointed. "I don't like doing repeats most of the time anyway. So, back to the whole King Arthur debate…how is the king a woman?"
Iskandar scratched his chin.
"Well, she could be awfully boyish when she wanted," said the King of Conquerors. "In the Fourth Grail War of my world, she used men's clothes in public and a different hairdo, but overall didn't use any sorcery to conceal her appearance…though she also lived in the time of Merlin and had him as her assistant, so I suppose this could be a more fitting explanation."
He looked outside the window, frowning deeply.
"Still…during that time, we had our disagreements about many things, yet I knew she was a woman of honor. To ravage a city like this is too out of character for that king."
The Caster closed his eyes.
"I also fought her for a while," said the druid. "Damn good warrior and strict code of honor. But then she and her Master disappeared, and she returned…different. Her armor was black, that blade of hers was pitch-black and she started to disregard fighting with honor. Still smart, but her mind was wicked." The sorcerer licked his lip. "A true tyrant."
"...something must have happened to her," concluded Atalanta. "Mood changes like that are not normal."
"That was the conclusion I came to…not that it matters," said the sorcerer, shaking his head. "As far as I know? The best we can do for her and that red Archer is to end their lives."
This called Iskandar's attention.
"Red Archer?"
"A smug bastard," said the druid, his face showing outright annoyance and anger. "Summons weapons out of thin air, chucks them like arrows from a bow and still has the gall to fight up-close. A real pain, because he keeps avoiding my attempts to fight him and keeps guard on the area where Saber and the Grail are."
The shoulders of Iskandar lowered a bit. Part of him was disappointed in not being able to fight against the King of Heroes again, but in the current situation he was…
And speaking of that.
"Hm. Director Olga Marie. Doofenshmirtz says he is a novice magus, correct?"
"It is true," she confirmed, before letting out a frown. "Are you having issues with his magical energy?"
"As a matter of fact, I am," said the king. "As it stands, I can barely use the true power of my chariot."
"Now that you mention, I also feel a bit weak," said Atalanta before looking at her hand, grasping and ungrasping her empty palm a few times. "I suppose that Perry is also new to this?"
The agent of O.W.C.A nodded in confirmation. The other Servants looked at Ushiwakamaru.
"I don't feel uncommon," she looked at Ritsuka's other Servants, smugly.
"It's hard to tell," admitted Mash. "It may be because Senpai is handling the most Servants of us all, and I'm still getting the hang of my new abilities."
"Hey, I lived from scraps for days now," shrugged the blue sorcerer. "Almost anything is better at this point."
Olga took a deep breath.
"Someone give me a coffee cup, this is going to take a while," said Olga tiredly. "Alright, we are facing an enemy of high level. Arthur is in a level of power that most Heroic Spirits have no hope to match, and that's without accounting for fame boosts."
"Fame boosts?" asked Doofenshmirtz.
"Think of home field advantage," said Atalanta, frowning at certain memories. "A warrior fighting close to his home will be stronger than in a stranger land. As we are beings called from the Throne of Heroes, how the world perceives us can affect how powerful we are. In my War, our enemy summoned Vlad Tepes in Romania, which made him more powerful than otherwise he would be."
"Vlad who?" asked Doofenshmirtz.
"He's more known as Vlad the Impaler, Doof-san," explained Mash. "He was the voivode of Romania, repelling for years the invasions of the Turkish. His tendency to put the heads of the defeated on pikes led to him receiving his title as the Impaler, and years later Bram Stoker would use him as the basis for the antagonist of his gothic novel, Dracula."
"Oh…the big, bad vampire," said the man, nodding understandingly. "Got it," he nodded. "So Ushi here gets stronger just by being on japanese ground?"
"Indeed," said Olga before squinting. "But that doesn't matter now, the fact is that our three Masters are completely novices in the magical arts. Heck, it's a wonder that Alexander managed to use his Noble Phantasm!"
Mash timidly coughed.
"About that. How does it feel to have a Noble Phantasm for you three?"
Cú's eyes narrowed.
"Well…they are just there," said the sorcerer. "I can call them with the tip of my tongue and all, no issue. Are you having issues using yours?"
She nodded, looking at the shield she put against the wall.
"I can instinctively tell that my Phantasm is related to that shield, but that's all. No instructions on how to call upon his power."
Iskandar let out a snap in his tongue.
"Eesh. Seems your benefactor is a hell of a prima donna, girl," he said. "You can't recall anything at all?"
She shook her head.
"Ugh, and now there's that," groaned Olga. "We can't go fight against Arthur like this. We need to fix those issues before we can move ahead."
"Good thing we have time," said Cú. "With those Servants killed, all the city will do as a training ground."
"Mass destruction," replied Doofenshmirtz with an evil grin, playing his hands excitedly. "My favorite."
"Gyu…" sighed Perry.
"So, you will teach us, Olga?" Ritsuka asked politely.
The woman turned her face - probably to check the transmission - and then, she nodded.
"The signal is stable enough for now, so I'll handle the Master's training. Meanwhile, the Servants look over Mash."
"Seems we'll be fighting partners for today, Mash-san," said Ushiwakamaru, looking brightly with an eager smile. "Don't worry, I don't plan to cut your neck."
"Thanks…?" said the pinkette slowly, for precaution moving closer to her shield.
The sorcerer lifted from his position and pointed outside.
"Come on, there's an open area a few kilometers from here. It should serve us all."
Said area was a small plaza located in the middle of what Mash helpfully informed was the Shinto area of the city.
And they should have known that 'a few kilometers' to someone who walked through his mythology's equivalent of hell in a single day was way more distance than for the average human.
At least they had horses.
"A nice stallion you have there, Yoshitsune," said the bigger Rider, observing and praising the white horse that carried Ritsuka and Mash - the girl said she preferred to walk and didn't see too much issue in letting both humans use her mount, although Mash had to dispel her enormous shield beforehand. "What is its name?"
"Hm?" hummed the warrior. "This here is Tayuuguro, and he's a pretty good boy. Carried me through lots of difficult battles."
"Speaking of that, a Rider is supposed to be specialized in using vehicles and animals as mounts, right?" said Ritsuka. "I mean, one of your greatest conquests was Dan-no-Ura, so…"
"You think I would specialize in naval combat like that?" she guessed. "It was a one-time thing, though. Most of our fights were on the ground anyways, and…no offense to Iskandar-san, I'm not the type of person that stays behind and leads."
"None taken," said the man kindly. "Though it's still a bit curious that you are a Rider that does not use your mount to fight."
"No offense to Tayuuguro here," she tapped gently at his back. "But I'm faster than him on foot." She puffed her chest.
"Oh, right," said Mash, looking interested. "So it was true that you jumped over eight boats in Dan-no-Ura?"
"I did," said the girl, huffing proudly. "It was all thanks to my tengu training."
"Are they nosy like Doofenshmirtz?" asked Ritsuka, his expression teasing.
"Hey, uncalled for!" protested the man from the back of Bucephalus, Perry in-between him and his Rider, before blinking and backing out. "Wait, what is a tengu?"
Perry rolled his eyes.
"It's…think of a combination between bird and man," said the smaller Rider. "Masters of the mystical arts that live in the mountains and are well-known for their long noses," she smiled. "If it makes you feel better Doof-san, my Master's nose wasn't that big."
"...I still feel attacked," he decided, looking hurt and angry. "Uncalled for!"
"Sorry, sorry," said Ritsuka, scratching his head. "But you do have a long nose."
"It's perfectly average in Drusselstein."
Perry shook his head with a clear message.
"Traitor," mumbled the mad scientist.
"Hey, peanut gang," said Cú. "We're here."
Atalanta jumped from the top of the buildings. She had been using them to verify for any signals of enemies approaching.
"I could hear you from up there," she pointed to a ten floor building. "If I were in a hunt, I would have heard you from miles away."
"Not everyone has cat ears," pointed out Doofenshmirtz sassily.
"And there are many with better hearing than me," she countered before staring at the landscape, unnerved. "Honestly, it's too quiet for my taste. Not even the sound of a bird singing."
"It gets easier with time," said Caster. "Alright, split up. The Servants stay outside, the Masters inside. If any side needs something, give a shout or a pull in our mental connection."
Each side nodded. Ritsuka, Perry, and Heinz went inside the building while Cú led the other Servants to the middle. He looked straight at Mash.
"Alright, kiddo, I will keep it simple and clean for you. Ever heard of that old saying about how to learn to swim?"
She hesitantly shook her head.
"Well, it was a quite simple solution: you learn to swim by swimming."
"This doesn't sound right…" said Ushiwakamaru. "Don't you have to learn how to float, to move the arm, to-"
"You get what I mean," defended the druid. "We don't have time to be methodical on this. Even if the Servants are dead, there are still lots of dangerous things in this city, so our best option is to learn by fighting."
The girl coughed.
"I…never learned how to fight," said the Shielder modestly. "What to say with a big shield like this."
"It's nothing to be ashamed about," said Iskandar, smiling. "Even my best generals had to learn to swing a sword first before leading armies. The important thing is to not be discouraged from the get-go."
Cú nodded, matching Iskandar's smile.
"That's the spirit. Now, let's see what your body really can do," he pointed at Atalanta. "You will shoot arrows at the girl, and she has to block them to the best of their skill," before the huntress could protest, he added. "I'm not saying to use real arrows, just something that doesn't get too affected by air resistance and that still can cause some marks on her body."
The woman closed her mouth and frowned, before reluctantly accepting it.
"Next, our two Riders will keep striking at her with as much strength as they can from their horses. Then, finally, you'll face me one to one."
"Uhm…what is the purpose of all this, Caster?" asked Mash.
"It's simple. A Noble Phantasm can manifest in many different ways. This routine is to verify if we can identify any unique traits to it - if it deflects projectiles, if it has some sort of inbuilt counterattack…putting it in a situation where it works best may help in manifesting it. Necessity and all that. And if all else fails, I have one final routine."
Atalanta glared at the man but decided to trust him for now.
"Well? What are we waiting for? To our positions!"
Ritsuka put the communicator in a spot where it would be possible for the three of them to see Olga.
"Can you hear me from this spot?" she asked.
At the nods of the humans and platypus, she proceeded.
"Well, I never had the chance of doing this with anyone, let alone at a distance…but I will do what I can," she said, nodding to psych herself. "I suppose most of you know what Magic Circuits are."
She specifically looked at Doofenshmirtz, who sighed.
"I saw the video, I got it!" he said tiredly, raising his mechanical arms. "It's what allows magi to use magecraft and it exists parallel to our nervous system."
"Too rough in the edges, but it will do," growled the woman. God, not even ten seconds in and she already had a headache, how did El-Melloi II do this all day? "But they are not parallel to our body, this was your first mistake. Instead, think of something more conceptual…"
She gave some pause, thinking about how to better explain the idea.
"You have a physical highway by which the energy flows, you weren't wrong in mentioning that part, Doofenshmirtz. At the end of the day, though, what matters the most is the spiritual aspect. You 'channel' that power through those physical highways, which implies some organic influence - so your affirmation is both right and wrong."
Heinz closed his eyes.
"Ah, metaphysics. My least favorite physics," he grunted.
"Gyurururu." The man glared down at the animal agent.
"The Ugly-Inator? What do you mean by 'it's a matter of perspective', eh? Ugly is ugly, period!"
They started arguing on what Ritsuka and Olga Marie figured was something about the meaning of beauty - it was hard to tell when they only understood one side of the conversation.
"They are always like this?" asked Ritsuka quietly.
Olga Marie sighed.
"Agent P at least didn't cause too much trouble. Heinz, on the other hand… headaches since day one."
"I find it kind of amusing actually," said Ritsuka, shrugging with a grin.
"...if you say so," said the magus, clapping her hands. "Hey! Let's get back to the lesson, the sooner we end it the better."
The two rivals turned back to the communicator.
"Alright, no more questions until the end of the instruction. As I said, you use the physical channels to let the energy inside of you flow and to allow the usage of magecraft. That energy is your prana, and it's continuously generated by your circuits. You have to be careful and don't let anything damage them, because there's no way to fix that kind of damage, because there's no natural way to win them - the amount you have and its quality is set from birth."
Heinz looked at his hands.
"Hm…won't it be troublesome to be lacking part of them? I mean…" he lifted his metal arms.
"Hm…maybe if it was a flesh wound, but not only did you activate your circuits recently, but you also had these for years, if the record Doctor Roman just passed me is correct."
"It is criminal you never showed those prostheses to anyone," informed the head of medical, now frowning at the moment this subject was brought up.
"And that's exactly why I didn't! Haha, I am an evil genius!" Heinz looked happily smug, shameless on breaking the law.
Silence.
"Wouldn't it be more efficient to sell the prostheses to get more money to make more evil machines, though?" asked Ritsuka, his eyebrow raising.
Silence.
"So, my circuits are fine?" asked Doofenshmirtz, his mood unchanged.
"Don't dodge the question, it's rude!" rebukes Roman before shrinking, being silenced by a glare from his boss.
"Yes," continued Olga, her voice sounding irritated. "But it also means that how much prana you can generate will be heavily tied to your circuit quality, but there's no way to discern it from here or how many you have. Maybe ask Caster for that information later, but the machines in Chaldea should suffice for this. For now, I will teach you how to control your circuits. Sit comfortably and close your eyes."
The three Masters obeyed. Ritsuka put himself in a seiza, which Heinz didn't think was particularly comfortable, but for each one it's taste. Meanwhile, Perry crossed his legs in a meditative pose, his eyes closed and his tail flat against the ground, and the scientist simply laid down on the ground.
"Now, to use a magic circuit. You need something to serve as a trigger, a mental image that allows you to turn them on…and preferably easy to visualize a way to turn it off."
Doof nodded from his position, removing the thought of using an explosion as his trigger.
"Now, focus on that image, and think about it many times, and then start associating with your circuits."
"Can I focus on anything I want?" asked Ritsuka, eyes closed. Perry perked his head up, having the same question.
"...well, it can be anything you wish. If it helps, my trigger is being punched in the face."
"...why?" asked the teenager slowly out of concern.
"Strong images. They work the best, and trust me: this is not even the worst trigger you'll find. Now, try to find an image."
At this moment, Doofenshmirtz's body lit up, dark-green lines running through his body.
"Who turned on the heater?" asked the man with his eyes shutting in discomfort, sweating like crazy. "Because I'm feeling as if I'm in the middle of a fire."
"Gyuru."
"Yes, I know we all are, but I'm the middle of some bonfire or something."
"It's natural," said Olga. "Laws of energy conservation and all that. Part of it is converted into heat, but usually is not enough to cause any damage on our bodies. You'll learn to shrug it off as you get better at it. Now, try turning them off."
It was a slow process, as the lines slowly disappeared from his body and he let out a deep breath.
"What was your trigger?" asked Ritsuka who opened his eyes and looked at the man, curious.
Olga glared at the boy, as she was about to say how sensible of a subject that was, before Heinz said:
"Being hit by an explosion after my Inator blows up."
Olga and Ritsuka looked at each other.
"That sounds…awfully specific," said the younger Master uneasily.
"Oh, it happens all the time," he nonchalantly said, waving his metal hand to ease them. "The momentary heat, my clothes getting ruined, the usual cursing that comes from it. Mostly cursing Perry."
The secret agent tipped his hat in a gesture Ritsuka would dare call sarcastic.
"A rather…unorthodox example," she said uncomfortably, before looking at the other two. "What are you waiting for? Hurry!"
The two Masters returned to their meditation state as Doof lightened on and off like a Christmas light, getting used to the feeling.
After five minutes, Ritsuka found his trigger: the sound of a cannon blowing his eardrums.
He opened his eyes to see the lines on Perry's body. They seemingly found the right trigger at the same time. Judging by Perry's pained expression, it wasn't one he particularly liked.
"Huh. You managed to open the circuits pretty quickly," said the woman.
"You are an excellent teacher," said Ritsuka, looking at the lines.
It was hard to tell, but the woman blushed slightly, before puffing up.
"O-of course I am! I am the heiress of the Animusphere legacy! I am more than capable of guiding novices like you three in the starting steps to become a magus. But enough of that! Now you should be able to better support your Servants. That said…Fujimaru, there's still an aspect of the training currently exclusive to you alone. Look at your clothes."
He looked at the plain white suit with black straps, black pants and black shoes.
"Kinda of plain," said Heinz, looking and sounding distasteful for a moment. "It's also different from those suits the other guys were using. Those were way more tight. I personally would add some green to it..or maybe some red…though Mash wasn't wearing it before, right?"
Perry nodded, scratching his chin.
"It's not about design," said Olga tiredly. "Both this suit and the one you spoke off are Chaldea's Mystic Codes. Mash wasn't using it because she wasn't planned to be a proper Master, but rather a support force."
"Mystic Code?" asked Ritsuka, surprised. "It doesn't seem different from a normal suit for me. I thought it was supposed to be a rookie thing or something."
"And it is, we use that for training purposes before carrying to stronger Codes," said Olga. "But enough about that. Let's talk about it. What you are wearing is the first model of Mystic Code, the Chaldea Standard. Mystic Codes are tools used by magi as an aid in the usage of their magecraft, but the ones from Chaldea work a bit differently."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Heinz.
Perry, meanwhile, scratched his bill, before perking up and rushedly making a few gestures to the man.
"Huh? Yes, I'm aware there were other non-magus candidates for the Master position, why do you - wait, but they don't know any magecraft, how does that work then?"
"Our selected Masters all have Magic Circuits," explains Olga. "But, as you noticed, most magi have no chance in direct combat against a Servant. So, this is the purpose of our Mystic Codes: we encoded in it the ability to use three different types of magecraft by merely channeling energy to it."
"Encoded?" mumbled Doofenshmirtz, touching the fabric. Once more, he cursed his noobness towards the subject.
"It's only a way to explain it," said the Director. "But what matters is that this suit allows Ritsuka to play support to his Servants - though it's important to say there's a cooldown before you can use a spell again. Keep that in mind."
"Cool!" said the man, content. "What skills does this suit have?" he said, pointing to his ragged engineer clothes.
"..."
The man sighed, putting his arms down.
"Yeah, don't know why I expected more. At least we are in the same boat, Perry…"
At this moment, the platypus took off his hat and picked something from inside - a roll of bandage he used together with a steel pipe he cut with it for a makeshift splint.
"Right, your hat…" said the man, unamused. "So all I have is these flimsy arms I did. Maybe I could at least make a shoulder cannon or something out of these parts…"
Olga didn't know if he was joking or not.
"Alright, so the Chaldea Standard has the skills First Aid, Instant Enhancement and Emergency Evade. First Aid serves as healing magic, Instant Enhancement makes them stronger for a few seconds, and Evade augments their reflexes. Pretty straightforward. In emergencies, you can also use them on yourself. All you need to do is call them."
"Is that so?" said the Master, humming. He pointed at Perry and focused. "First Aid."
A green light surrounded the platypus and he blinked. Discarding his splint, he stood on two feet with no issues.
"Worked better than what I expected," said Ritsuka, smiling at the healed animal. His smile widened when the animal agent looked at him gratefully, giving the boy a nod of thanks.
"Were you thinking we would cut corners in the equipment that our field agents have?" said Olga, snapping her tongue. "Chaldea has nothing but the most cutting edge technology! We need THE best to protect humanity."
"Yet there's no season of El Matador del Amor," said Heinz jokingly. "Is it too big of a sacrifice to have a good Spanish show?"
"Oh, you also watch El Matador del Amor?" said Ritsuka, turning to the doctor with a surprised look. "I love that show, it's cool!" He smiled.
Silence.
"You…you watch El Matador del Amor?" The man with the long nose asked softly.
"Yeah?" he said in confusion, before being hugged by a crying Doofenshmirtz.
"You…you are a good kid, Fujimaru! Other guys always say that watching novels is for weirdos, even though I know they watch it too in their free time! Where had such a confident and self-assured boy had been my whole life buaaaaaaaaaah!"
A bit off-put, Ritsuka awkwardly pat Doofenshmirtz at the back in solidarity.
"There, there…"
In the side, platypus and hologram stared at the scene.
"What am I seeing, Agent P?"
"Gyururu."
"Yes, I agree, it's madness."
Eventually, the man let go of the teenager.
"Sorry, you just caught me by surprise there…" said Doofenshmirtz, wiping his eyes with the fabric of his uniform before sighing. "Ah, now I'm missing home. Hope Vanessa recorded all the chapters I lost. Maybe I should make a visit once I'm done with the portal."
Silence. The mad scientist thought she would at least question his newest invention, so he turned to face her.
"Director?" asked Ritsuka, looking very concerned. "I can't tell from here, but is there…"
Yes, Heinz wasn't the brightest bulb on reading expressions, but even he could tell the woman paled. He reviewed his previous words carefully. If she was worried about the portal, she would be more vocal about it. Then that left…
He felt as if a hand was around his heart.
"Olga Marie," he said, dropping formalities. His voice was almost a whisper. "How is my daughter doing?"
"...the lesson is over," she said, barely composed. "I will want a report on Mash's progress later."
Perry also seemed alarmed, looking at the hologram with utter seriousness.
"Director? Did something-"
"Nothing happened, rookie!" she said sharply, an utter lie. "Focus on the mission now and we talk later."
"My daughter, my precious treasure!" said Doofenshmirtz, his face justifiably expressing in great concern and fear for the wellbeing of his offspring. "What happened to her Olga?!"
The transmission cut off. Doofenshmirtz picked the machine and started smashing until something turned on. He recognized Ahmed in the image, feeling a bit of relief that his first friend in Chaldea was alive.
"Where did the director go?" he asked calmly.
"...Heinz, drop it," asked the man. "I don't know what happened, but she had gone to your room to drop Norm and…whatever happened affected her. She sealed the entrance for any of us until your return and won't say anything!"
The image seemed to be trembling for whatever-
Perry held his arms. Doofenshmirtz looked at them.
Ah. They were trembling.
"...say to her that I am sorry for losing my mind," he said, before turning off the machine.
Ritsuka hesitantly approached the man. He was breathing heavily, as if he was nearing a panic attack, like how his war veteran neighbor used to have.
"Are you…are you alright, doctor?"
He looked haunted at the boy.
"I don't know," he admitted.
At this moment, Iskandar entered the room, sword in his grip.
"I heard screams. Is everything alright?"
RItsuka gave an assuring yet fragile smile.
"It's…it's nothing," said the Master. "Yet, at least. We finished our training, though."
The king crossed his arms.
"We felt it. It's like living from water for a pit for our entire life then drinking some sweet water from an oasis. Maybe I can even use…hm, better keep that for her."
Ritsuka wanted to know what Iskandar was about to say, but he decided to ask something else:
"How is Mash doing?"
The man gave a smile.
"See for yourself."
She seemed to be doing well, considering it was her first time fighting against a Servant.
Cú seemed to disagree.
"Come on, lass! Swing this like you're fighting for your life!"
"B-but we are not! R-right?!" gagged the girl, blocking the staff strike.
"All depends on you!" said the druid, launching another wave of fire against the metal. Thankfully, Mash didn't feel much of its effects: she could feel some tenderness coming from the heat, but the fire itself didn't seem to really do much to her.
In fact, most of the attacks from the other Servants didn't seem to do much to her. When she missed one of the blocks in the training against Atalanta, the arrow that went for her side shattered against her skin. Then, during the training with the Riders, most of the hits from Ushiwakamaru and Iskandar only sent her flying rather than cutting her skin.
She was aware that her class was one focused on defensive abilities and that the Servants were holding back to not give any grave wounds, but still…
CLANG!
She raised her shield to block the swing coming from up. Then she pushed the staff away and hit Caster with the side of her side.
"Good move, Mash-dono!" said Ushiwakamaru praisingly, clapping. On her side, Atalanta silently nodded, still not liking the situation, but now more relieved considering Mash's newly discovered toughness.
Yes, she figured out many things about herself…
Yet, she felt no more closer to the true purpose of that training, and Cú recognized that.
"Stop," he said, gesturing his free opened palm. "The Masters are returning. Seems we'll have to go big or go home in this. Not half-bad reflexes, Mash. Keep training and remember to never rely all in your bulk, got it?"
"Y-yes, Cú Chulainn, sir!" said the girl, bowing her head respectfully.
"No need to call me sir, I'm not really a gentleman to get that," he said, chuckling. Then his expression turned serious. "Come on, I'll run the Masters through the gauntlet to let them in the know."
The Masters finally approached them. Mash noticed that Senpai seemed worried about something and Dr. Doofenshmirtz seemed sour, Perry launching worried glances at him. She looked at Iskandar, questioning what happened, and he shrugged.
"So, I feel a lot stronger now," said Cú, stretching his shoulders. "I suppose the training from the missus there helped a lot, didn't it?"
"Hm…" hummed Ushiwakamaru, who had rushed closer to the scene. "I didn't notice that before, but I feel stronger, yes. I suppose being summoned here is helping me a lot more than I thought."
Atalanta gave a silent nod, confirming the same.
"To think such a small thing helped a lot…" mumbled Ritsuka.
"Hey, no such thing as 'small thing'" chuckled Cú. "After all, a lot of small stuff can become greater than you could ever expect. But speaking of small stuff…it seems we made no real progress with her Phantasm."
He crossed his arms.
"It seems the asshat that gave her those powers also made her tough as shit. I was hoping that putting her in tough spots would suffice to force the unlocking of her Noble Phantasm, but she shrugged anything we put on. This makes me believe that we need something strong to unlock her power."
"...how tough are we talking about?" asked Doofenshmirtz after a moment. He wasn't liking where that talk was going.
"Noble Phantasm levels of tough," said Iskandar. "Is my assumption correct?"
Silence.
"Oi, say that he's wrong," asked Atalanta, glaring at Caster. "You are not thinking of hitting a kid with a Noble Phantasm, are you?"
"I am," declared the sorcerer.
Silence again.
"Isn't that, like…super dangerous?" said Doofenshmirtz lowly, sharing the Archer's concern for the girl. "That's rich coming from me, but from what I got Noble Phantasms have a not-zero chance of killing someone."
"Relax, everything is going to be fine!" said Cú. "Look, we need all the power we can get to deal with Saber, and I have perfect control over my technique. She can get wounded, and it will be fine! I can patch her up if something goes sideways."
"Gyurururu," said Perry, crossing his arms in doubt.
"Fou!" The platypus jumped away with widened eyes as he was surprised by Fou suddenly popping on his side. If Doofenshmirtz wasn't so distracted, he would have pondered from where the little rabbit-thing came out and why Perry seemed so freaked out by its appearance.
"No, no way," said the man, crossing his mechanical arms in an X. "Look, I am far from being a standard for work safety, but let me tell you that if you think I'll let a young girl like her get willingly in danger like that, you are dead wrong! Her dad wouldn't ever forgive me if I let her do that!"
"Dr. Roman is not my-" started Mash, before being interrupted.
"Not the point! The point is that someone would need to be really crazy to approve-"
At this moment, Ritsuka split from the group, and sat behind Mash.
"Alright, when do we start?"
"S-senpai?!" gagged Mash. "What are you…" She shook her head. "If we did that now, you would be in the line of fire!"
"Exactly my point."
The one to give the most incredulous face was Heinz, who had his jaw almost on the ground.
"Kid, I'm pretty familiar with getting in the way of malfunctioning Inators and how well that goes for the affected: poorly, that's how. What you are doing is the same, except way more dangerous, magical, probably less humiliating and deliberate! It's the same as putting a noose around your neck and close to a tree while standing on top of a tree and expecting to not be hanged!"
Perry nodded, still looking to the side as the small creature licked itself.
"Sorry, but no way in hell the Director would approve of that-"
Iskandar, however, raised his hand.
"Wait. This may just work."
"Rider?!" said Heinz, surprised. "What are you-"
"I see, I see," said Ushiwakamaru, nodding with a smile of approval. "A clever ploy, lord Fujimaru, Nothing like that to make someone unlock all their potential."
"I don't get it!" Loudly protested the eldest Master. "I am the guy here that can be called a villain, yet these are the good guys who are willing to let two kids get hurt!"
"We will not get hurt," said Ritsuka with confidence. "My kouhai wouldn't fail with that on line, right?"
The pinkette gave a large gulp before taking a brave face.
"Never, senpai."
"And there you have it."
Heinz looked at Atalanta. She had an expression that was a mix of displeasure and admiration.
"What do you say about this?" asked Heinz, pleading.
"Master Fujimaru's actions speak louder than any words," said the huntress reluctantly. "Although I dislike the situation, he decided to put his whole faith in someone that, by all means, has all odds against her."
"Trust," said Ushi. "To see such unconditional trust is…"
Heinz bit his lip. He felt Iskandar's large hand on his shoulder.
"Looking objectively, his actions are illogical. But, there are times where logic bows to instinct."
"I know that," hissed the man. "Many of my machines are mostly made by what I feel will work. But I just don't like this…"
"You guys know we can hear you from here, right?"
The Servants turned to face the somewhat amused face of Ritsuka. The teenager stared at Heinz.
"My mom always says that I am too trusting of people," said the boy. "And that may be true, I got screwed a few times in the past. But I have a personal code: everyone is deserving of all my trust unless proven otherwise. And, as far as I can tell? Mash kept meeting my expectations all the time," he paused. "Then again, I didn't know what to expect, so…"
Mash looked at her Master with conflicting thoughts. On one hand, putting her Senpai in danger could put their efforts of finishing the Singularity in danger. On the other hand…
She was touched. Really. And, above all else, she didn't want to disappoint.
After humming the affirmative for a minute, Perry shrugged and sat beside Ritsuka.
"Even you, Perry?!" said the man, exasperated. "I'm not supposed to be the voice of reason, you are!"
The platypus stared at the mad scientist, unwavering. After a few uncomfortable seconds, he threw his hands to the air.
"Ah, what the hell. Nothing ventured, nothing lost, right?" he sighed in defeat, sitting on the ground. Fou jumped in his lap, which elected some surprise from Mash. "Hey, what is this little thing? Did you make new friends while you were hidden, you sly dog - er, platypus?"
Agent P seemed unamused at the sight of the small beast, but said nothing.
"So, I assume we are in agreement on what to do?" asked Cú, twirling his staff.
Ritsuka was the one to say:
"Bring it."
The sorcerer gave a bloodthirsty smile.
"I like your spunk, kid. Not holding my punches!"
He blasted a fair distance away from Mash, twirling his staff like a baton.
"Now…Timber giant, eaten away by flames! Be imprisoned in a cage of flame!"
A giant made of wood popped behind the sorcerer, before being set alight.
"Wicker Man!"
It was huge. At least half the height of one of the buildings around.
Doof had seen bigger things. But there was something awe-inspiring in that view. He also felt the impact of Iskandar's Noble Phantasm earlier, but only now he understood why they were trump cards. Their mystique, the overwhelming presence in front of him, the aura…
And a stray thought came to his head.
'Could I do something that could surpass that?'
The giant took one step to reach them. His intent was to crush them on the second, like ants.
This gave time to Mash to reflect.
'All this time…I had no need for more power than I had.'
The giant lifted his foot. It started to approach.
'But this is not only about me…I need to protect those who put their faith in me. I will not let them be harmed!'
Then it all clicked. Mash would later explain as if all this time she was a puzzle in the process of being built: there were still pieces lacking for the full picture, yet she found an important thing that helped further by its completion.
"Uooooo!"
A blue dome appeared around the black shield. The feet of the giant clashed with impact, yet she wasn't pushed in the slightest. From their positions, the Masters felt not even a stray blaze getting to them.
"Ahahaha!" laughed Iskandar. "Not bad, girlie! We'll make a hero out of you yet!"
"Don't distract her, King of Conquerors, she has to handle all his power!" said Ushiwakamaru before encouraging the girl. "You can do it, Mash-dono!"
"..." Atalanta had a mix of a frown and a smile on her face. It was dangerous, yet…she could understand how fulfilling the experience was.
After a long minute of struggle, the girl managed to push the wood giant back, her Noble Phantasm slowly disappearing. She took a small breath.
"Good work," said Ritsuka, a warm smile on his face.
Perry gave a thumbs up. Heinz just let out a sigh.
"Good work…but please, don't do anything as reckless as that again, it's bad for my heart. And I'm not even that old!"
"S-sorry…" said the girl, scratching the back of her head. "It's just something I had to do."
He bit his lip a bit, and then smiled.
"Ah, what the heck. All is well when it ends well. Good job, kid."
"Good job, indeed," said Caster, grinning. "So that was your Noble Phantasm? A shield?"
Mash looked at her weapon of choice.
"Not completely," she said. "It's only a fraction that I managed to draw out. I think it's a partial release…or I lack something to release it's full might. I did manage to remember part of its name. It's Lord…something. It starts with C."
"Mash…" said Ritsuka, looking serious. "The hero possessing you is a cheapskate for giving you so little."
She blushed slightly.
"O-oh, I didn't mean it to be a-" started the Master.
"N-no, it's fine," said the girl, waving her hand hurriedly. "Part of me wished I had got more, but I am sure we'll get the whole picture some time soon."
"For a hero, he's being awfully unhelpful…" said Heinz in disapproval, still caressing Fou who was looking so pleased - much to Perry's dismay. "Heroes have this weird tendency of keeping things hidden when it would be simpler to spit all out to their allies. Like a certain someone I know."
Perry shrugged.
"Alright, I still call ourselves nemeses, but trust me that if you had appeared for me things wouldn't have gotten so bad," he said. "I swear, if I hadn't noticed what Lev held…" He muttered with a low voice.
"...now that you mention it, that hat you got from the Lev guy is just like the one Perry is wearing," said Ritsuka. "Did something…?"
"Oh, that," said Heinz. "If that guy didn't set up the explosives, I'll eat my lab coat with ketchup and mustard."
"Professor Lev?" said Mash, looking surprised and uneased. "But that doesn't make sense, why would he…and the explosion, if he knew-"
"Nobody can know everything about someone, kiddo," said Caster. "But if that guy got caught in the blast, then clearly he didn't plan to get out alive or had some sort of backup plan to survive."
"To go ahead and put himself in the jaws of death…" said Ushiwakamaru, the Japanese warrior mumbling over the issue. "Yes, I agree with what the Child of Light said. That man had a scheme in his sleeve."
"Do you think he was also transported here?" wondered Ritsuka.
Mash closed her eyes.
"If he survived…I don't have any idea. Lev was never a candidate to become a Master, he was more of an advisor and his focus was on maintaining SHEBA. I have no idea if he has the affinity for rayshifting."
"Oh, he lived," said Doofenshmirtz with confidence.
"How do you know?" asked Atalanta, staring at him coolly.
"It's a classic trope," said the man, shrugging off. "The big bad wouldn't ever die from a small thing like an explosion."
"If this was an epic, I would agree with you," said Iskandar, but his frown then turned into a challenging smirk. "But enough of thinking of that: if this were truly akin to an epic, then this Lev figure would, currently, be more like one of the gods that manipulated the threads of fate so many times. Now, we are ready to take the fight to Pendragon, correct?"
"Well…" Caster looked at Mash. "I think Lord C is too vague of a name for a Noble Phantasm. And too open for…crude jokes," this elected a blush from the girl. "A temporary name would do wonders to help on that. Any ideas?"
The girl hummed for a few instants, before shaking her head.
"I don't have any ideas, unfortunately. If you have any suggestions…"
The others shook their heads.
"Well, it is a minor issue, anyways," said Caster. "Now, we can plan our attack on…"
Atalanta's cat ears twitched.
"Caster. You said we were the only Servants in this part of the city, right?"
"Not in these words, but yeah. Archer and Saber are in a point below the temple in the other part of the city and the other one is far away. Why?"
She summoned her bow.
"Then what are these roars I'm hearing?" And not only that, they sounded familiar, but why?
"The other one?" said Heinz, standing up, causing Fou to move. "You mean that mountain guy that Iskandar ran over?"
The eyes of the Druid widened, looking scared.
"You omitted that part," he groaned. "Oh no…did you damage the castle?"
"I destroyed some of the walls, why?" asked Iskandar.
"Berserker is highly territorial," he explained, his expression grim. "As long as you don't enter his land, he will not go after you. But if you do go and break something…"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
He summoned his staff, as he looked at the figure standing on top of one of the buildings, two red eyes burning with hatred.
"...then he may leave his place to break you."
Atalanta stares in shocked horror at the figure.
"Heracles?!"
"What?!" shouted Iskandar, eyes widened. "That man is-?!"
"Incoming!" said Mash in alarm, as the man jumped from the top of the building with his massive blade with a roar.
In Chaldea
Ahmed couldn't make heads or tails of the current situation.
And the day had started so well. No crazy machine by Heinz, Da Vinci would relax in her workshop, all seemed fine and dandy…
Then the explosion came and hell arrived on Earth.
Not only that, but much of Chaldea's staff got crippled at the moment of the blast, as it also affected other parts of the building, and that was without accounting for the earthquake that came after.
Many friends of his died today. He had no time to mourn, however: he had to lead his men to patch up Chaldea as fast as they could to help the surviving Masters - which included a rookie guy, this girl that was also a Servant now, a platypus and, of all people, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, which floored even Da Vinci for an instant - and stop the place from collapsing on itself.
Not helping the fact something happened with the outside world, because there was jack shit coming from the communications. Olga seemed to know what happened, but for whatever reason she was tight-lipped. As always.
He didn't have the same negative opinion of his boss that others had, but damn if the magus still didn't frustrate him on occasion.
Now, he had some break from his services - not much, a fifteen-minute break to eat something and go to the bathroom. He did this pretty quickly and, having a few minutes left, he decided to do what Doofenshmirtz asked him.
Ahmed touched the door of his associate's room. Not opening. Olga had ordered total lockdown on the room, which meant only she or the security head could lift the restriction - and he knew for a fact that the latter died in that room as he was close to the center of the explosion, so it effectively meant only Olga could open the room.
What was so important that she decided to keep the place under such tight lockdown? Why did she even come here in the first place? He thought it was something about the squirrel that served as Norm's power generator, but now he wasn't too certain of that.
He touched the pad. Ahmed had some experience with the systems. Maybe he could hack it to force the opening…
Yet, there was this chill on his spine, stopping himself, and began sweating. That there was something inside the room that he wouldn't like to see. A truth he and Chaldea would have to face soon, that was already evident…
He slowly walked away. No. Not right now. They had to save their own before investigating…all of this.
His break was almost up. Ahmed moved to keep his work…
Barely missing the sound of knocking on the other side of the door. And the subsequent deformation of part of the metal in fist-like shape.
468
Underdog Emiya
Apr 7, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 8 - Battle Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Apr 17, 2024
#728
Chapter 8: Battle Star
Heracles. Hercules. Who doesn't know those two names these days? Probably toddlers, or people that dislike mythology, or…
Alright, so some may have never heard of such a figure. Both refer to the same person, said to be one of the defining figures in giving the word hero its meaning. The one that performed twelve impossible works, that consistently fought off the war god Ares - or Mars, depending if you adopted the Roman names - and part of the greatest troupe of heroes of Greek mythos, only behind the armies of Troia and the invading forces of Agamemnon, the Argonauts.
And he was out for the blood of Chaldea.
CRASH!
His landing not only cracked the cement in the impact spot but also sent a ripple that caused a localized earthquake in the region. The red eyes turned to stare at Heinz, the main reason why he left the castle to hunt. The giant man rushed towards him with an extended hand, ready to crush his skull in a thousand fragments.
"Forgive me, honorable ancestor!"
The demigod felt thunder hitting his muscles. Divine thunder, a type akin to what Zeus called upon.
The divine bulls pushed the mighty demigod away from his target, but soon he managed to put his feet against the ground, blood smears appearing as he was pushed back. Then, slowly, the chariot started to decelerate.
'I should have expected that,' thought the King of Conquerors. After all, one of Heracles' twelve works was to capture the Cretan Bull, a beast blessed by Poseidon to punish the disrespect of King Minos and also the father of the Minotaur, a fearsome monster in itself. He should have experience dealing with such beasts.
Thankfully, he was not alone.
The demigod was soon assailed by a rain of arrows that forced him to release the Gordius Wheel and jump aside. The king took a look to see the girl, Kyrielight, and Caster leading the retreat of their Masters.
"Heracles, it's me!" shouted Atalanta, looking and sounding devastated as she attempted to pierce through the cloud of madness. "Atalanta! We were together in the Argo!"
The mention of the legendary boat caused some hesitation in the mind of the mad hero, but only for an instant, as he soon charged like the Erymanthian Boar towards his target, who started running.
'That madness made you reckless,' thought the Archer, releasing arrows against the demigod, who promptly deflected each attack with his titanic blade. 'Otherwise, you wouldn't think to match me in a speed contest.'
Not only that, but he also charged first, when that was when she was at her best. They even had some races in life with the other heroes of the Argo during the time between their adventures, and she always let her companions go-ahead for a fair game.
The man who was smart enough to overcome the twelve trials put against him, whom Jason valued above all else. Was it really that man?
She felt some irritation towards the fate that happened to her former companion. Even if he was a Berserker, he should be smarter than this.
Is this twisted idea of a joke from fate to punish her for what she has done in the final battle of that world's Holy Grail War?
With that said…
It was still Heracles. The representation of Heracles' infamous moments where he lost his temper, which led to him destroying cities and obliterating almost anything that came on his path without forgiveness.
If she hesitated for a minute, then…
He spun around for a second before launching his giant sword as an improvised projectile.
"!"
She jumped right when it would cut her in half and then she used to boost herself up, aiming at the demigod, who hastily avoided the shots and recovered his weapon.
Then the Chaste Huntress realized her mistake. She was slower in the air than he was on the ground.
"RAAAAAAAH!"
He jumped towards her, faster than the catgirl could prepare her next shot…
BUMP!
A high-speed projectile hit the giant in midair, pushing him off his way as he roared in pain. Atalanta landed on her feet on the ground, Ushiwakamaru dropping to her side. She looked at her blade with some displeasure.
"He is tough to cut," she complained. "I have never seen someone take a hit like that from Usumidori and keep walking."
Indeed, the Minamoto managed to inflict a gnarly gash in the side of the demigod, which could prove to be troublesome for a normal warrior, but Atalanta knew it was nothing Heracles couldn't take it. Indeed, he was already lifting before Iskandar ran over him with the Gordius Wheel, which caused some more damage, but, as soon as the attack was over, he was already getting himself on foot.
The other Rider stopped on the side of the other two warriors.
"I see that Heracles' legendary toughness is all that was said in the texts," said the King, his face showing mixed emotions of pride, amazement, wariness, and melancholy. "I only feel for meeting him in such a pitiful state…"
"You are not the only one…" whispers Atalanta with her feline ears lowered, knocking another arrow on her bow.
"Mighty warrior!" said Ushiwakamaru, swinging her Usumidori in the challenge. "We shall set you free from your suffering!"
The mad warrior let out another roar and charged.
"Shit, it's just my luck for that to happen!"
Cú blamed himself for not asking more about what happened to Doofenshmirtz before their meeting. How many castles could be in the woods? But he assumed the man had got lucky and didn't meet Berserker - what were the odds, after all?
And it was just his luck he wasn't even in a form where he could have a good old bout against one of the best warriors to exist! If he wasn't busy keeping an eye on the muscle mountain so that he didn't run them over, he would be cursing Odin for putting him in such a situation without Gaé Bolg.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" said Heinz, terrified and infuriated at the situation. "It's always the wild animals! Why is it always the wild animals?!"
"Doctor, I don't think Heracles really counts as a wild animal!" said Mash, who was in the back, shield ready to stop the Servant in the worst case scenario.
"Gyururururu!" Perry said, looking behind.
"Yeah, I agree with that!" said Doofenshmirtz. "I can't tell the difference between him and a bear right now!"
"You would have hated him before Saber got her hands on him!" snapped Caster. "He had this weird thing where he just didn't die even when killed and brought himself back to life. I don't know if that's still a thing, but…"
"Wonderful, just wonderful," said Heinz sarcastically, his displeasure showing. "And I didn't even think of bringing something to teleport him to the Mariana Trench or the depth of a volcano!"
"You can do that?!" asked Ritsuka with his eyes widened.
"Just give me a wrench, some nuts and bolts, a toy train battery, and-"
"Look out!"
Mash pushed the man down before blocking the incoming attack - a trident that would have got two of his blades through the eyes and one in the space between the nose. She sighed, but then-
"!" Cú deftly swept the dagger that would have hit Perry. Then, a deep voice said:
"Shame. Should have known you would've seen through it."
The druid gave a dry grin.
"One flashy maneuver to distract for the as lethal yet more silent follow-up. You are losing your touch, Archer."
Silence. Then more blades flew.
"Behind me!" said Mash, as she activated her Noble Phantasm. The blades bounced and hit it, disappearing before touching the ground.
"I thought Archer was guarding Saber's place!" said Ritsuka.
"I thought that too!" said the sorcerer, grimacing. "Why did he…"
"Gyurururu."
"Hm? Well, I think it makes sense…" said Doofenshmirtz.
Cú looked at the platypus.
"What did he say?"
"Well…he thinks it's because of Berserker?" said Heinz, looking apprehensive. "You said that it is rare for him to leave his spot, and Archer knows this too, so he may have gone to check what made him leave his position."
"And then he saw me using Wicker Man…and if that man is smart, he probably is already aware of what happened to the other lackeys," grunted Caster. "Goddammit, today is not my day, is it?"
"First time?" asked Heinz with an empathetic look.
"Nope. And probably not the last," said the man. "Guys, move to a safe spot. I doubt Saber will leave her spot, but I already made too many assumptions for today. Girlie and I here will deal with the pain in the ass."
"M-me?" gagged Mash. "But…"
"Hey, you won't get any more experience with fighting Servants by gagging like you have your throat clumped," he said, smirking.
"You got this, Mash," said Ritsuka, giving her a serious nod in encouragement. "Remember what you did back there, and we'll take care of the rest."
She looked at her Master for a second, before giving a determined nod.
"A-aye! Mash Kyrielight, ready to engage enemy Servant! Dropping Noble Phantasm in minus three, two-!"
The protection disappeared and, before Archer could unleash another attack, Cú launched two runes on the ground: Algiz and Ken.
BOOM!
A flame wall at least ten meters tall appeared, muddying the view as the Master retreated.
"Sorry, but I'm not giving any chances for you screwing this over now," said the druid. "Now, face me!"
There was no answer, only a volley of blades that Mash blocked and Cú dodged nimbly.
"Smug jackass is now getting distance," said the blue-haired man, his frown deepened.
"What do we do?" asked Mash worriedly. "Can you hit him from here?"
"Dude is smart. He's probably moving to avoid fighting us and get a better spot to catch the Masters with clean shots. He's that type of bastard," the Child of Light grumbled. "And he even has the gall of fighting in close quarters and being good at that. And he's a smartass, which is probably the worst thing."
Mash didn't quite get why that was his worst attribute but decided to not question further.
"So, what do we do?"
The druid gave a positively feral grin, as he raised his staff. "Simple."
He slammed on the ground, two white wolves popping out of nowhere: beautiful, yet deadly animals.
"We hunt."
"I…need…to run…more…"
Ritsuka was far from being out of shape - volleyball wasn't exactly a sport you got far by being a lazy bum. However, it doesn't require the same level of cardio needed to run for long periods.
However, the Japanese teenager couldn't help but feel embarrassed that the scientist in his forties and the platypus that supposedly was to walk better on fours seemed barely fazed.
"You skipped leg day?" asked the man. "Like, you really shouldn't. You never know when wild wolves or big cats will chase you."
"You...it sounds like you…" the boy took some deep breaths to let air flow to his lungs. "Sounds like you live in the wilderness."
Perry shook his head and made hand signs: fingers walking through the palm, climbing "mountains", the number thirteen…
"Bad luck on trips?" he asked, to which the agent nodded. "Man, this seems to suck…"
"It does!" said Doofenshmirtz with a confirming nod. "A lot. And that's without counting when I had to follow my ocelot pack to catch a prey."
"Your what now?!"
BOOM!
The small shape of Ushiwakamaru pierced through one of the houses ahead of the group and crashed into another.
"Rider!" yelled Ritsuka worriedly, running to get her.
"Do not approach!"
Berserker followed suit with his massive blade, swinging it against the girl, who…tanked it?!
"Mighty as the divine pillar! Wandering Tales of Shana-Oh, Act Two! Steadfast Position - Benkei!"
The blade didn't harm the girl's skin, catching the giant by surprise, which was the opening needed for Atalanta to nail his back with arrows.
"Away, young warrior! Via Expugnatio!"
The fellow Rider rolled away as the Gordius Wheel crashed into the giant's body, being dragged through for a few meters as the bulls and the wheel stomped over his body.
Eventually, the roars of pain stopped, and Iskandar returned, still mounted on his chariot.
"Ah…I can appreciate more of your power now, Master," said the King of Conquerors. He felt he could probably pull one more attack like that before reaching his limit - and even then, he could probably still keep the Gordius Wheel for some time.
"Is it over?" asked Ushiwakamaru with a cautious look, Usumidori still unsheathed.
"I mean…" Ritsuka coughed. "Being turned into a porcupine and then dragged by a divine chariot seems pretty straightforward in regards to that question."
"If it was a normal Servant," said Atalanta, her face was fully grave. "But we are talking about Heracles."
THUNK!
The giant slowly lifted from the ground. His wounds were slowly healing.
"Uh…I don't think there's any record of Big H doing that kind of thing in the myths," said Doofenshmirtz, both panicking and conjecturing.
"Probably his Noble Phantasm," said Atalanta. "Pray that he can't do this much more," said the Archer grimly. "Keep moving, now!"
"Aye, we'll - WOOOOAH!"
Perry pulled Heinz by the collar, just in time to avoid the sword flying for his head.
"!"
Meanwhile, noticing more weapons flying, this time for Ritsuka, Ushiwakamaru put herself on the way and used Steadfast Position once more, letting Iskandar charge against Heracles once again.
However, the demigod could be mad, but he wasn't stupid. He swung his blade against the ground and launched a rock against the vehicle.
The man managed to expertly avoid a blow to the carriage, but this left him vulnerable to being pushed from his vehicle of choice.
"Ugh!"
However, Iskandar also wasn't weak by any means. He managed to stop himself from falling on his back, then, with a groan, launched the rocky projectile back.
The giant slashed the rock in half, growling in anger. Iskandar drew his sword and attempted to perform a feint.
VOOM!
A quick dodge is the only thing that stops the king from losing an arm, with his magnificent cape being the single thing lost in the exchange, ripped in half.
CREACK!
Behind him, two projectiles crash - arrow and rapier - Atalanta's providential archery stopping a would-be fatal blow. 'Definitely not my Archer's style,' thought the king. Gilgamesh would never launch such a cowardly blow.
The hero attempted to follow up. At that moment, Iskandar felt his reflexes enhanced and a weird power flowing through his veins.
He rolled to the left, easily avoiding the follow-up from before, and tried to slash the ankle of Berserker, but found that his blade could barely cut flesh. In an instant, he jumped away, snarling.
'What is happening? Was Heracles truly tough enough to shrug blows like that only with his skin?'
He found himself analyzing the situation, his mind walking through the myths he read so much during his life. Maybe a blessing granted by the Nemean Lion slaying? But he had a physical artifact with the properties, the skin, and there was no sign of it in his person. Then again, no story portrayed Medusa as a beautiful lady after being cursed, and she could summon a being born directly from her death, so maybe Heracles had something more conceptual.
He called his chariot and flew from Berserker's range of attack. Regardless of the true function of Heracles Noble Phantasm, he knew two things: it would be a fight to remember one way or the other, and they had to put him down as many times as he got up.
This time, he anticipated the projectile seeking his chariot, dispelling it, and then summoning Bucephalus to fall on top of Heracles. The demigod managed, with one hand, to throw the black steed away, but the horse managed to land and run away when the warrior attempted to slash him in pieces. Right at this moment, Ushiwakamaru closed in and crashed into him at high speeds, taking him further away as their Masters ran from the scene.
EMIYA twitched his head slightly to the side to avoid the arrow that went for his head.
"Hmph. What a pain, to meet such a renowned sharpshooter…"
He knew who the enemy marksman was when he saw her bow releasing an arrow to intercept his blade. Atalanta of Arcadia, the Chaste Huntress renowned for the lightness of her foot, for participating in the hunt of a giant boar, and for being one of the Argonauts in some versions of the legend.
As if the mutt wasn't already enough of a headache. Now he had to contest his shots against such a renowned shooter.
This situation only grew more troublesome by the minute. Maybe it was best to retreat and leave Berserker to deal with this.
'But maybe…maybe it's for the best that I choke their efforts right here,' thought the Archer. Such a formation against Saber…it could prove to be troublesome even to her.
His eyes scanned the streets until he caught sight of a blueish shape - the mascot. He prepared his bow, this time loading a different blade. The huntress could be good enough to intercept his shots, but even she wouldn't have a shot to stop a Noble Phantasm with a normal shot.
He mentally predicted the trajectory where the platypus would appear and chanted:
"Hrunti-!"
In the last second, he canceled the attack and jumped as a fireball the size of a watermelon sizzled through the air where his head once was. And, instinctively, he returned fire with his Noble Phantasm.
"Hrunting!"
The Hound of the Red Plains flew, aiming for Caster's head. He managed to dodge the first time, but then the blade made a curve in midair and aimed against the Child of Light.
"Hah!"
However, with precise timing, the Shielder appeared and caught the blade right in the middle, pushing it downwards, and crashing into the building's roof. Archer snarled when he felt the effect of the blade finishing, as the artifact was destroyed by the well-timed strike. Did the girl realize that was a good method to stop his attack or was it pure luck? It didn't matter, but Archer felt annoyed at his trick shot being stopped like that.
He had no time to reflect on that, as he felt the presence of two beings jumping on him. Calling his faithful twin blades, he cut the two wolves that attempted to sneak on him on their sides.
"Got you!"
The Archer nearly swore as he realized the intent of the move: a set of runes flew in his direction, touching his black-red coat. He felt compelled to face the Irish druid, being unable to aim at the Masters again. 'Ath nGabla,' Archer realized. The man had tried to use that to get him in fights before, but he always managed to avoid it until now.
"Heh. It seems like your luck is over, pal," said Cú, twirling his staff. "We are ending things between us today."
"Bold of you to think I got here by being lucky," snarked back the Archer. "You were the one who avoided Saber's rampage. Your life is the one ending here."
The girl stepped forward to help, but Cú stopped her.
"My spell enforces one on one fights. If you enter the fray, I'm afraid the effect will break."
The girl gulped but nodded.
"Do I help the others fight Berserker?"
"No, stay close and watch," he said. "If something happens to me…you are in charge of finishing the job."
"Already writing your last will?" mocked EMIYA. "It sounds as if someone had already given up."
"Oh, I never give up…but only fools dismiss defeat as 'something impossible,'" said the Child of Light, who turned one last time to Mash. "And keep an eye on stray shots. Don't doubt that this guy is skilled enough to put me in the corner by using our Masters."
The girl nodded, her shield in position. EMIYA let his eyes on the weapon for a second, a slight frown appearing in his face. There was something weird about that thing…
WHOOSH!
Another fireball, albeit a lot smaller, hit his shoulder. The Archer called his weapons and ran to fight Caster, who had a bloodthirsty grin on his expression.
"Now that's more like it!"
"Wait…augh…damn…"
"Kid, I did leg day, not arm day, so hurry up because I'm not going to be able to carry you!"
"Gyu."
"What do you mean carrying people with metal arms doesn't get tiring, I still have my shoulders and have to support his weight! I'm not built for-!"
"Just…give me…five…" groaned the boy, putting his back against a wall.
'I wouldn't stay still for much more time, Master.'
The boy nearly jumped at the sudden voice, but Doofenshmirtz understood quickly what happened.
"Oh, so one of your Servants is talking with you?" asked the man. "Yeah, it kinda comes out of nowhere, right? Pretty freaky."
The teenager nodded, before focusing back on the conversation.
'Berserker is coming in this direction?'
'Yes,' said the general. The boy could feel the displeasure in her face. "We are trying to get him to stop, but none of our efforts are paying out. Atalanta thinks it's because he's actively tracking your three's footsteps - which is kinda impressive for a Berserker, I'll admit - and following your general direction.'
He looked at Perry, who seemed to be having a similar talk with Atalanta, judging by how his eyes were closed.
"Well, damn," said Heinz, grunting. "I can't think we can outrun that guy even with our trio holding him. Any ideas?"
Ritsuka had none and was about to complain when Perry pointed at a two-story building.
"Hide there? But he's following our tracks, if he catches wind of-" said Doof, before looking more closely at the building. It was a three-store department store - one of the floors being underground - but it was so small that Ritsuka doubted it had much success, even more so in a time when they weren't that common. "Hm…supermarket, gardening, restaurants…"
He looked at Perry and then at the store. Then, Heinz smirks and gives an evil laugh.
"Oh, I have an idea! A wonderful, awful idea!"
Heracles deflected the arrows launched by Atalanta once more.
Ushiwakamaru would be more admired for the man's skill despite his insanity if she weren't currently stuck in a hole in the ground.
It came all of a sudden. The girl was about to slash at his back while he was distracted when he managed a lucky hit with the side of his blade from up and hit her in the head. She did manage to use Steadfast Position to not get her skull crushed to a pulp, but the strongest hero in Greece still managed to bury her up to the neck in the ground.
And she couldn't get free for whatever reason! That was humiliating, she was only glad Master still hadn't learned how to see through a Servant's eye to see her predicament.
While the blackened Servant was distracted, Iskandar approached her and started pulling her off the ground.
"You have a strong head!" he praised, pulling her free until the waist.
"Benkei had a strong head!" replied the girl. "I'm just mimicking his toughness."
With her arms free, she pushed herself out of the hole entirely, shaking off some of the dirt.
"To think that man is fending off the three of us," mutters the girl, stretching herself.
"Indeed," said Iskandar, cracking his neck. "I expected nothing less of a man like Heracles. With that said…"
The red-haired man frowned.
"To beat him is proving to be a tall task. We need an opening to land more killing blows."
"WAAAAAOOOOOOOOOH!"
The Servants jumped at the sound of the alarm echoing loudly.
"What the hell?!" said Atalanta, wincing as her cat ears flattened on her head.
This moment of distraction let Heracles slam on her side with his blade. She managed to avoid being cut in half, but she still got a large gash on her side for the trouble. Then, he jumped in the direction of the sound.
"Dammit!" snarled Atalanta, attempting to knock another arrow, before stopping herself, her eyes filled with confusion.
"What is the matter?" asked Ushi with her brow raised.
"My Master…he said to 'wait for it.'"
Heracles landed in front of the building. The alarms screamed, but the Berserker couldn't care less, as he rushed to the building, looking for any signs of movement.
"Oops!"
He turned his head, seeing a leg retracting into an elevator. With a roar, he charged onward to his target, but it was too late as the metallic doors already closed, his user now going to a lower floor.
Snarling, the hero moved towards the door to the stairs and crashed through the damn thing, before jumping to the lower floor. The Master wouldn't escape him like this.
He crashed through the door and waited for the elevator to arrive. However, a sound came from the communicators:
"Ah, Heracles the Hero!" said the voice of the Master with a large and pointy nose, the Blackened Servant could hear the evil grin in the man's speech. "Your arrival was unexpected. And by unexpected…"
DING!
The elevator opened: inside, there was a machine that somewhat looked like the man speaking in the monitor, but mounted crudely and portraying a "face" with a mocking smile. The structure seemed to be composed entirely of gardening tools and a small energy generator.
"...I mean completely expected! Enjoy the trap."
And then there were explosions, and then darkness.
BOOM!
Ritsuka had once seen an old building close to his home falling because of a fire. The flames had damaged the supports that held the thing underground and caused the structure to be unable to support itself and crash down.
It was a quite haunting sight, and Heinz's actions brought some serious reminders of that moment…well, except for one thing.
"Doctor, you did something a bit terrific."
The man looked at the teenager, whose face was haunted.
"What?" he asked.
Perry rolled his eyes and made some gestures to the man.
"Oh, right, the whole explosives part. I suppose it is a bit terrifying." Heinz shrugged.
After making the "doombot" out of gardening tools, Heinz proceeded to make an improvised generator to allow him to use some of the other things in the underground area of the market to create rustical explosives, using lots of food and some good old chemics to make the components before creating the device itself. Meanwhile, he ordered Ritsuka and Perry to drag the gas canisters from the restaurants close to the support pillars underground, and then he set the explosives close so that they would cause a chain reaction that would bring the whole place down.
After that, they left the building, and Heinz remotely triggered all the alarms in the building to attract the Servant and bury him alive.
"And the whole thing of burying him there…" mumbled Heinz. "In hindsight, none of my traps were ever that dangerous, were they?" he looked at Perry, who made a "so-so" signal. "Alright, a few were, but most of the time I didn't actively look to kill you. It's…it's a bit messed up if you stop to think about it."
Ritsuka hummed.
"Yeah, it is…" said Ritsuka before squinting at the wreckage. "But I guess it's either him or us. Do you think that was enough to…?"
"To kill him? Unfortunately, no."
Ushiwakamaru jumped to the side of her Master, blade drawn.
"A good ploy, I admit," said the warrior, frowning knowingly. "But one that won't do much to harm a Servant. At any second-"
BOOM!
A large black arm punched through the debris mountain, pulling itself to the surface.
"...he will return," finished the girl.
"Well, I suppose it was to be expected considering how many times my traps failed at stopping Perry," said Heinz dryly. "So, what do we do now?"
"Gyurururu."
The man turned at the platypus, confusion in his face.
"Line of fire? What do you mean by-"
"Phoebus Catastrophe!"
The man had only time to see two green lights flying to the heavens…
And then the arrows came down into the Servant.
The man was skewered by the projectiles, roaring in pain and unable to block the attacks even after pulling his sword out.
"I…I want to quip about raining swords, but I can't really put it into words," said Ritsuka, a bit pale.
Eventually, the downpour stopped and Berserker flopped down into the ground, his body filled with wounds and projectiles…
And then a few seconds after falling, his hand slammed into the ground and he pushed himself back up, the wounds healing quickly and the arrows popping out with a sickly sound.
"Not this time," said Ushiwakamaru, preparing Usumidori. "The Wanderings Tales of Shana-oh, Act Four…"
Seven clones popped out of nowhere, hanging in different places.
"Cool…" muttered Ritsuka.
Meanwhile, Heinz grimaced at the sight, for only the original kept the bodysuit he created.
"Oh, come on," he complained.
Right when Heracles finished his generation, Ushiwakamaru started her attack:
"Dan-no-Ura: Eight-Boat Leap!"
The clones charged in different directions, the original leading a frontal charge. Heinz had some time to remark on how they jumped from seemingly impossible points before converging in a single point.
In this case, Heracles. More specifically…
SHANK!
All the blades connected against the neck of Greece's mightiest hero simultaneously. What was the result?
The head was split from the body being sent flying in the air for a few seconds.
"And for good measure…Act Two, Heavenly Blade Steps - Usumidori!"
With a burst of speed that left a light trail, the girl flew and sliced the head of the giant in halves, which fell onto the ground a second after she landed on her feet.
She turned to look at the fallen hero's body, lying in a pool of blood…
And slowly patching itself.
"Hmph. This one is a rather sturdy foe," said Ushiwakamaru with a mixture of smirk and scowl, before moving back to her Master. Ritsuka seemed to be sweating a bit. "Are you alright, Fujimaru-dono?"
He gave a tired smile.
"I am…just a bit exhausted from all the running…"
"Gyu," said Perry, his arms crossed. His expression was one of doubt. Then the warrior remembered her Master was sustaining three Servants.
"Ah, I see the issue," said the girl. "Do not fret, this fight shouldn't take too much more time."
Using Noble Phantasms in quick succession was burning through her Master's reserves quickly. Her Tales were rather cheap techniques in terms of magical usage, but they were stacking, and he already sustained the use of Caster and Mash's Phantasms earlier.
She saw Atalanta preparing to launch her Phantasm once more, as Heracles finished regenerating.
"Phoebus Catastrophe!"
For a second time, the arrows flew to the heavens, and a second time the heavens launched back ten thousand times that quantity, raining straight on the Berserker's head…
Yet, he seemed unfazed by the attack.
"Uh…" said Heinz, dread coloring his voice, lifting up a shaking, metal finger. "Is it just me, or are the arrows bouncing on his skin?"
Indeed, where once the Noble Phantasm struck true and pierced flesh, now it couldn't even draw the slightest pint of blood.
'There's something wrong,' said Iskandar in Heinz's mind. 'We missed something important about his Noble Phantasm!'
"Let's see if he survives this!" said Ushiwakamaru determinedly, jumping back into the fray with her clones. The man's eyes widened.
"Wait, don't!" said Heinz as he reached out his hand, but it was too late.
"Eight-Boat Leap!"
CLANG!
Once more, the clones converged into a single point, attempting to decapitate the man.
Yet, the cuts were superficial, shocking the young Yoshitsune.
'What?! But it cut it before! How-?!"
The sword was about to swing down, she jumped to the side and tried to finish the job, but was forced to retreat more.
Then he threw the blade at her, forcing the samurai to dodge it, but leaving herself open to the approach of the giant who grabbed her with his hands and threw it against the ground.
"AGH!"
The man ignored an arrow that tried to pierce his skin and continued to maul on the girl. His hand raised to the sky, ready to crush her head to a pulp.
"Uoooo!"
The shape of Bucephalus appeared and crashed against the man at full speed, pushing him away and forcing the Berserker to release his grip on Ushiwakamaru. Then, Atalanta started an arrow rain to push him away with the sheer power behind each shot.
"Good thing I arrived in time," said the man, helping the girl. "How are you feeling?"
"As if a whole horse herd had run me over," she grumbled.
"Hm, a rather adequate comparison, considering that pankration is said to have been created by Heracles," said the conqueror. "But I think your actions and those of Atalanta gave me insight into what we are dealing with: adaptation."
"What?" asked the other Rider, confused.
"Adaptation," repeated Iskandar, grimacing. "He shrugged off your Noble Phantasms easily, so from what I can deduce, we can't kill him the same way twice. I thought it was merely the power from the pelt, but…"
That was the only deduction he could make from his observation. The same methods, ineffective. Not only that, but Atalanta's arrows weren't doing anything to that man. Could it be that he was now immune to Ushiwakamaru's blade as well or it was only his neck that became stronger? It was hard to tell…
Which made this fight so exciting. Iskandar gave a wide grin.
"Ah…such a challenge excites me!"
He drew his sword.
"Come, warrior of the east! We shall make this great hero fall!"
Mash was dazzled.
She had glimpses of how Servants fought earlier, witnessing Ushiwakamaru swiftly slaying the Blackened Assassin, and when she had her training with Caster.
But both cases had circumstances where she couldn't understand all of the complexities of such fights: in Ushiwakamaru's case, she got the enemy by surprise, ending the fight in a flash. And she could notice that Cú Chulainn wasn't going as hard as he could in their small bout although she could still get seriously hurt if she got careless on that exchange.
Here?
This was a full-on, all-out, battle to the death.
Each swing by Archer could cut Caster to ribbons. Any fireball launched by the druid could burn the fallen Servant's flesh to the bone. Any mistake on the part of the two would end their lives.
The Archer did try to release stray shots against their allies, in an attempt to help his impromptu partner, but each time Mash was there to block the shots, her arms slowly grew sore from impact. The most impressive was that he managed to make each of those attacks look like a real threat to Caster in her eyes, and only his dutiful warnings allowed her to react in time.
BOOM!
The next impact made her slide a bit backward, the explosive blade pushing her away slightly. She took a few seconds to recover her breath before continuing to move.
"I already said to stop focusing on them and focus on me, bastard!" said Caster, swinging his staff with a precision only a legendary spear-wielder like him would have. "You had more spunk back then with twin tails!"
Mash could swear she saw the lips of the Archer pressed against each other at the comment, but she didn't have time to confirm it as he then called his bow and launched a spiral-shaped sword.
"Caladbolg II!"
Contrary to other times, Cú had to hastily dodge the attack, as it passed through where he stood and hit a building. On the spot of impact, it created a large hole, with spiral lines coming out in the surroundings.
"Uncle Fergus's weapon…" mumbled Cú. "You brought a dangerous thing to fight against me, didn't you?"
The Archer didn't bother to answer, instead releasing another arrow against the blue-haired man.
'His uncle's weapon?' thought Mash. Her memory filled with myths thought over the subject, until she remembered the right story. 'Right, Queen Medb.'
Fergus mac Róich was one of the many lovers that one of the great villains of the Ulster cycle, Queen Medb, had, and was the wielder of the Caladbolg blade, which was said to be "as big as a rainbow in the air" when it was time to strike its foes down - which was probably one of the reasons on why it's also known by some as "the Rainbow Sword." It was also said that, if someone wielding the sword and being born in Ulster fought Cú, a geas ensured that the one to fall would be Lugh's child.
Yet, Mash couldn't help but notice the oddity in the situation. Not only Fergus did not have any notable feats of archery, Cú would certainly recognize him even if that was the case. Adding to the mystery, he also had called another Noble Phantasm before: Hrunting, which shared the name with Beowulf's blade. Another sword.
She knew that the Archer class wasn't limited to only using bows and arrows, but that was ridiculous!
And who was that man to flourish such legendary blades? She heard stories that St.Patrick held Caladbolg in life, but there were no stories of other heroes wielding Hrunting, much less in such an extravagant manner.
The duel continued, but Cú seemed to take less enjoyment out of the fight, now wary of the trump Archer had. Even if his foe wasn't Ulster-born, conceptual advantages played an enormous factor in Servant duels - which was another reason why hiding True Names was important. Even wielding a version of Caladbolg leveled the field quite a bit for Archer.
At least replicating the circumstances that led to Cú's death was nearly impossible. Unless he could materialize dog meat out of nowhere or pierce him with his own-
At this moment, Archer switched his blades for a large red spear and attempted to pierce Cú's stomach.
"Sonnuva-!"
The man managed to avoid the thrust at the last second, the red spear ripping his cape.
Mash let out a gulp at seeing that weapon. It screamed for blood, his blood-red coloration being tainted by a bit of darkness.
Judging by Caster's startled reaction? Mash had a good guess that the blade was Gaé Bolg - which only raised more questions.
The duel continued, Archer discarding the two blades he held before and now focusing on wildly swinging the red spear, engaging with Caster in a duel of poles. Archer had the most obviously lethal weapon, but Cú had years of training and a slew of spells to rely upon.
Eventually, he found his opening.
"Hah!"
With a feint, he managed to rip the spear away from Archer's hand! He lit the head of his staff on fire.
"I got you!"
He moved to hit him in the middle of the face…
CLANG!
"Wha-?! Kiddo?!"
Mash grunted as she put herself in front of the way. Why, he warned her of what would happen if she intervened, why would she-
"Oh, son of a bitch…" grumbled Caster, looking at the second Gaé Bolg that Archer held, as the first one dissipated in energy.
Noticing the end of the rune's effect, the man jumped away, preparing his bow for another shot at the Servants fighting Heracles. The spear slowly reduced his size and became akin to a blood-red arrow.
"Gaé-!"
BONK!
However, he was forced to avoid the shield that Mash threw at him! While he avoided the attack, his weapons were ripped from his hands. Snarling, Archer tried to summon a new set, but-
"Not this time!"
Roots popped out of one of the rooftops, ensnaring the man's arms, legs, and neck. He struggled to get rid of them, but more and more roots appeared to immobilize the blackened Archer.
"Now, dodge this!" Caster slammed his staff against the ground and a circle appeared below the Archer. "Ansuz!"
A pillar of flame appeared below Archer, engulfing him in fire. For the first time, he roared in pain, feeling his body being turned into ashes.
He struggled with all of his might, all the effort he could muster to escape the fire…but it was insufficient. Then, he eventually started to slowly lose his strength, until he couldn't do anything but flail like a fish out of water.
Once Cú was certain the Archer was no danger, he stopped the spell and let him drop to the ground, carbonized.
'Saber…'
This was the last thought of EMIYA as he crumbled away into nothingness.
Mash stared at where the man's body was for a second.
"It's…over?" Her comrade stared at the spot hard.
"No tricks I could detect there. That pain in the ass is dead. On that note…"
He chopped the girl slightly on the head.
"What kind of hare-brained idea was that of throwing your shield?! I get you interrupting the fight, he was about to gut me like a fish, but throwing your weapon and single way of defense? If it wasn't so unexpected, that man was going to launch Gaé Bolg and you would be dead."
The girl went pale but then put on a strong face.
"U-understood…but it did work."
Caster couldn't help but smirk.
"If it's stupid and it works, it doesn't mean it's not stupid. But…not bad for a first fight. We're gonna make a fighter out of you."
BOOM!
They jumped as a building in the distance crumbled.
'...Master, I don't suppose that building there fell down on its own?'
'Take a guess,' said the Master, groaning.
Ritsuka didn't know what would happen after they left Singularity. From what he got, anything that happened here wouldn't interfere with the future, but there was still that nagging feeling that Chaldea wouldn't be too popular in Fuyuki with their tendency to wreck the city.
Case in point, Iskandar slamming the Blackened Berserker against a hotel.
"Did this…" started Ritsuka, only for Heinz to nod.
"Yes…" said the man, solemnly. "These spy glasses were made of totally recyclable materials. You don't have any idea on how soda glasses do well on that work."
"That was not what I was going to ask…although they are nice things," admitted the boy, caressing his glasses.
Perry let out some grunts.
"Oh, that makes more sense," nodded Heinz. "And the answer is…"
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
They saw the Gordius Wheel flying and avoiding Heracles' wrath, his rider's hair slightly on fire.
"Well, images say more than words, I think. Plan Thunderstruck is a failure, and I can't understand why with such an awesome name."
After Iskandar informed his conclusion on what else Berserker's abilities entailed, there was only one conclusion that Heinz reached:
"He got stomped, had his head decapitated, and was skewered by arrows. So now we shock him!"
On paper, Heinz's idea wasn't so bad. Gordius Wheel could passively generate lightning bolts to strike against Heracles and shock him until death.
In practice however…
'He's too tough to shock,' grumbled the man. 'At least with Gordius Wheel.'
The chariot was strong enough to harm the hero, but it was something specialized to deal with hordes of enemies by stomping on them, and Heracles got wise enough to avoid such a situation happen again.
'He may have got a lesser resistance to lightning from me using Via Expugnatio on him…or maybe he's just that resilient,' said the king. 'I wouldn't put that past a hero of this caliber.'
"...Herc is tough," said Heinz, looking frustrated and scared. "And Iskandar is saying the plan is not working."
"Caster and Mash finished Archer off," said Ritsuka with a small sigh of relief. "I think I have energy for one more…" he coughed a bit, holding his chest. Perry helped him sit.
Between the constant usage of Noble Phantasms and running around, the boy was getting exhausted. Heinz didn't know what would happen if he overexerted his Magic Circuits, but overextension was already a word that raised many red flags.
"Come on, take some deep breaths and have some Snickers," he said kindly, picking a few bars he got from the market. "Have some and eat it."
"...I still feel like me," joked the boy, before munching on the bar. "No, it's not your fault…"
Perry looked at Ritsuka, questioning. He understood what he meant.
"Yes, it was Ushi. She...she's feeling a bit guilty about this. But it was my fault too…I'm still new to this Master stuff."
"We all are," said Heinz, patting the boy on the shoulder. "I'm still having to deal with the fact that Alexander the Great is now buddies with me. The historic figures of Drusselstein would be rolling in their graves if they ever heard that."
"The dead ones, right?"
"..."
"Right?" asked Ritsuka, almost begging.
Perry made a motion not to ask more.
BOOM!
A sonic boom. Once more, Ushiwakamaru clashed with the giant, heroes crossing blades. The general jumped away as Heracles warded her off with the superior size of the sword.
"He's awfully defensive," said the teenager with a frown. "Before he was very aggressive, but now…"
"Gyururururu."
"Translation?"
"Atlanta thinks he's on his last legs," said Doofenshmirtz.
"Atalanta," corrected the boy.
"She thinks he's now more defensive to try and get us three, but so far we managed to stay out of his range. But…we don't have much more energy to run. Damn, age is really catching up to me…" grumbled the man.
"You tell me," said Fujimaru, sweating slightly. "I'm dying here. We need to solve this once. I think I have enough to feed one more Phantasm for Ushiwakamaru, but we need the perfect opportunity to use it. But how do we guarantee the kill?"
Perry looked from his spot at the scenario ahead. The brawl ensured they moved closer to the river, but when he tried to pitch the idea to drown the Servant, Atalanta said even then it would be near impossible to keep Heracles underwater for enough time to get the kill.
But what if the reason for death was something else?
He picked up his hat and looked inside. He couldn't help but still wonder at O.W.C.A's tech: a multi-tool hat that could be used as a disguise, weapon, and storage device that was way bigger on the inside. The creator was big on some series from Britain that had a spaceship with similar tech, so he decided to replicate it for the agency.
Currently, it wasn't full: it had the usual triggers for the other gadgets like the spring to use the circular saw or the stabilizer to use as a boomerang, but the storage had little, as he didn't see reasons to keep much when he could just go to the secret quarters Olga Marie arranged and switch his equipment. His phone was there plus a half-eaten cheese sandwich, two photos of him and the boys, a notepad filled with his observations about Lev Lainur, and one of his most trustworthy gadgets…
He took the grapple gun, spinning it on his finger before grabbing the handle firmly.
"Hm? What are you doing, Perry the Platypus?" asked Heinz.
He looked at Heinz and said.
"Gyu."
And then he jumped from the building, the action startled the boy.
Launching the gun, he swung at high speeds, released the hook, and, with the grace of an Olympic gymnast, landed right on top of Heracles' head.
Silence. Both Ushi and Heracles were perplexed by the situation… a pause which the platypus used to poke at both of the Berserker's eyes.
The secret agent was launched flying with a single movement of the Berserker, who roared in pain. Ushiwakamaru attempted to use the opportunity, but Greece's Greatest Hero avoided her slash to the gut and kicked her away, through a wall.
Before the hero could charge, an arrow pushed him back.
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!" screamed Atalanta with her shocked face overwhelmed by stupefied hysteria, already knocking two more arrows to push the Servant further back. Then her feline ears stiffened. "COVER YOU?! I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO-!"
Berserker roared and tried to charge at Perry, who managed to slide in between his legs and launched his grapple gun to move away, swinging like a spider. Snarling in annoyance, Berserker jumped after the platypus, who launched himself again and again in a mad pursuit. The only reason he didn't catch the Master was thanks to Atalanta using her arrows to interfere with his jumps, whether to throw him to the ground or making him go too much in a single direction.
Eventually, the Servant got tired of that and, when Perry launched himself once more, he threw his blade at where the hook was holding, destroying the support point.
The platypus flew in the air for a few seconds, the momentum carrying him a bit before he started to fall. Heracles roared in triumph and jumped, ready to crush him between his arms…
"Act One: Eye of Shiva!"
He was behind him. It took a second for the Servant to process this information before a blade slammed on his back, launching him on the river.
Ushiwakamaru grabbed Perry midair and landed on the ground, at the same time Heracles landed on the river.
"Close call," she said, sweating. The platypus nodded weakly.
In the river, the blackened Berserker jumped back to the surface, attempting to stabilize himself in the sudden new environment, but…
"Ululululululu!"
From above, the Gordius Wheel slammed on the man, pushing him to the depths. The bulls kept moving downwards despite not being in the air anymore, and Iskandar stared at his "half-brother," determined. Then, he uttered the fatal words, a bit muffled by being underwater.
"Via Expugnatio!"
And then there was light.
From above, Servant and Master looked as the river was set alight by magical lightning. The Berserker roared, being slammed against the bottom of the river and electrocuted, his skin being burnt by the attack. Iskandar seemed to also be suffering from being underwater, but he at least was partially immune to the electrified water because of his Magic Resistance.
It was a battle of wills, the type of duel that Heracles would win against anyone in most cases…but that was not like most cases. Berserker was a specter of who he once was converted into a slave who barely managed to retain his freedom but lost way too much in the process in regards to willpower. And his foe was one with great force of mind, a man who led armies to conquer the whole world and whose ambition only expanded after death.
It took two long minutes. Iskandar wouldn't be able to tell what killed that man: the shocks? The water-filled lungs? Or maybe part of him decided to give up the fight and just fade away. The point was that, at a certain point, Heracles closed his eyes, and didn't open them anymore. His body was limp, and, as Iskandar set him free, the body floated to the surface, slowly decomposing. It would never reach the surface, he supposed.
'And neither will I if I continue here!'
With a pull of the reins, he led the bulls through the shore. It wasn't an effortless job, but water wasn't enough to inhibit a Servant's movement for much time. Eventually, his chariot left the water and met solid ground. Iskandar felt the presence of another Servant, but he didn't bother to attack.
"Is the deal…is the deal done?" asked Atalanta while eyeing the river, still guarded.
Iskandar silently nodded. The huntress bowed her head slightly.
"Thank you," she said, her face and voice filled with great sadness, remorse, and…empathy. "Seeing Heracles like that…"
"I know," he said, frowning in solemn respect. "Everyone could see."
The others soon arrived. Caster and Mash from the west and the Masters plus Ushiwakamaru from the east - the latter figure carrying Fujimaru in her arms.
"Is anyone…?" started Mash hesitantly, to which Ritsuka shook his head.
"A bit exhausted…but fine," he said tiredly. "Ah…good work there, Ushi."
The girl beamed, before looking at Perry.
"Thank your partner," said the Rider, her face both grateful and impressed. "Such audacity…he's truly a brave warrior."
"Nothing less expected from my archnemesis," said Heinz tiredly with a smile filled with pride, before looking at the river. His smile flipped. "He isn't going to pop and…?"
"I'm sure he won't," assured Iskandar, though he still looked at his back for safety. With a man like him, you never know…
"Giving me some mixed messages there," moaned the mad scientist.
Cú looked at the river, his lips thinned.
"Even if he survived…something tells me he won't want to come for us," said the druid. "Just a nagging feeling."
Ritsuka looked at the man for a moment, before nodding.
"So…only one remains."
Cú looked at the mountain in the distance.
"Only one remains."
He swims.
He felt his life fading away. A final blow combining the strengths of three Servants and the lightning of his progenitor. A small return to sanity. An understanding that there's too little life to keep fighting.
One final look at the winners. The one in blue seems to notice him before he runs in the distance.
He runs.
His feet fly through the city, jumping high and higher at extreme speeds. A moment later, he returns to his lair in the woods.
He walks.
His breath ran ragged, as if had been poisoned once again by hydra poison. Or maybe it's because he's at his goal. The forest is silent.
His pace gets slower. He tries to move faster, but this is the one limit that seems unreachable for him. But, eventually, he reaches his destination.
He crawls. Until the center of the castle. Where she had been killed. He sits at the stairs, breathing heavily. Rumbling softly, he says the words he wants to utter for so long:
"Forgive me…Illyasviel…"
He can feel as if those small hands were around his neck, hugging him in forgiveness. A hallucination? A spirit? Who could tell? Heracles allowed himself a ragged smirk…
And then the greatest hero of Greece faded away in the wind.
The black knight closed her eyes, feeling the hum of the Grail. One more soul to fill it.
"I see…so I stand alone, then."
Did this really change much for her? Not really.
Her purpose was the same. What she had to do didn't change. To use the Grail of that man to get what she wanted.
All he asked? To cause a ruckus. To "leave no survivors."
She thought the hostile environment would suffice for that purpose, but those who watch stars were more resilient than she thought, slaying even Berserker in battle.
And there was that nagging familiar presence…of someone she once fought side by side with. Intriguing.
Six Servants fell. Only one remained. The Black King who obliterated the city and drowned it in flames.
'So they are strong…' she reflected, before opening her eyes. Pale, yellow orbs glaring at the flaming city of hell. 'But is it enough to surpass me?'
Those of Chaldea were guardians. Their intent, once realizing the truth of their task, would be to defeat the mastermind behind all of this and save the world. She could care little for the requests of the magus or the intentions of the Stargazers.
'If they can't even beat this first obstacle…then the world has already lost. Solving the Grand Order is hopeless.'
She would wait.
Artoria Pendragon would wait to test the mettle of those of Chaldea and his Servants…and be their judge.
In a corner of Chaldea, it was possible to hear the sound of metal being ripped away.
But the fact that it came from the room of Heinz Doofenshmirtz made people less inclined to check it - which was good.
Because otherwise, they would meet one of the most terrific sights for someone of the Moonlit World.
"Agh! Get…out…of…the way!"
A woman left the room, her fist bloody from punching against metal for the last hour.
She cracked her neck, her red eyes burning with intense hot anger. Said eyes narrowing sharply as she had no glasses currently. It felt so weird to be back so soon…not to mention her room arrangement. She half-expected to appear inside a broom closet or something like that.
"Now, to get answers."
And Touko Aozaki started her march through Chaldea.
Last edited: Apr 19, 2024
444
Underdog Emiya
Apr 17, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 9 - Polar Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
Apr 22, 2024
#776
Chapter 9: Polar Star
After the chaotic fight against Archer and Berserker, Caster felt a break was warranted before facing their final obstacle.
After crossing the river to get to the other side, he led the group to one of his bases in the middle of Miyama, what seemed to be an old antique store called S-ging Irds Etrea. Or at least that was what Heinz thought it was called until Perry pointed out that the plate had been burned down - which made sense in hindsight, thought the man sheepishly.
Cú provided them with his meager resources to feed themselves while he left for a small scouting mission on Mount Endou, where Saber was supposed to be.
"After Berserker appeared to slam on us? I'm not taking any chances if the high and mighty king decides to grace us with her presence. I'm putting some alarms there," those were his words. And no one could blame him for such a mindset.
Thus, the Chaldean group stood in the closed space of the store, the Masters and the Riders eating the food Caster gave.
"You two do remember Servants do not need to feed, right?" asked Atalanta, her tail lazily swinging from the opening in the chair.
"I know," said Iskandar with a carefree grin, munching on his piece of dried meat. "But it also doesn't do any harm, right? There's more than enough for our Masters and us. Besides…this is a rather interesting piece of culinary, isn't it?"
Ushi nodded.
"Indeed. There was dried meat in our time…but the difference between now and then is like night and day! It's pretty yummy."
Ritsuka munched on his piece. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz and Perry shared a can of sardines, and Mash ate an energetic bar.
"Hm. A bit bland for my taste," he said, shrugging. "I like it a bit spicier, but maybe it's too much to ask."
"How is Japanese food overall, senpai?" asked Mash gently. "I heard lots of good things about it."
The boy hummed.
"It's…fine, I guess. I went to France once with my family and ate the local food, but I can't say I'm knowledgeable enough to say how it differs from culinary from other countries. Overall, it's pretty good."
"Can't say I agree," said Heinz with a nod. "There's this one sushi shop that was open close to my house, and I went there with my ex-wife and daughter once."
"What happened?" asked the catgirl. She side-glanced at the eldest Master with dry mirth. "You got a tummy ache?" She teased coolly.
"My daughter got a tummy ache," he corrected, looking grumpy at the memory. The answer surprised Archer. "And had a stomach infection. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't end up teleporting that place to the middle of a desert island or something like that, Charlene barely managed to convince me not to and instead sue the place," he paused. "I still dropped a red herring on the owner's head, though, he was a jerk."
"Why a red herring?" asked Ritsuka, his head tilted curiously.
"It was what I had closest to my hands. I met him in a fish market," explained the man. "And it was mostly Perry's fault. He was still in his cuteness early years, where he looked adorable rather than grumpy, and he was stopping me from flooding the fish market with other red herrings to dominate the market and seize control over the Tri-State Area. We had this duel, and then he accidentally threw the fish on that guy's head, and he thought it was someone else's fault, which led to Danville's Fourth Herring Riot."
"There were three others?!" asked Mash, her voice raised in surprise.
Perry scratched the back of his head, looking a bit sheepish. That was such an embarrassing memory…And he had to eat herrings for three weeks straight after the event because Linda got hers in promotion.
'If you don't want me to see about your personal life, please block your thoughts better, Master.'
The platypus jumped a bit, forcing his mind to close.
Noticing his nemesis' reaction, with a raised eyebrow Heinz looked at Atalanta, who shook her head.
"It's nothing. Continue."
"Oh, sure. Anyways, the First Riot happened a long, long…"
"This 'Danville' sure seems like a place where lots of fish slapping happens," said Ushiwakamaru, humming while kicking her legs. "A bit of waste, fish is to eat, not to use as a bludgeon. I tried and it didn't work."
"Well, if you freeze it, especially if said fish is a swordfish…" said Ritsuka with a raised finger.
"Senpai, please don't give ideas!" pleaded Mash.
"I jest, I jest!" he said jokingly, raising his hands. "Sheesh…but it sure seems you have quite a lot of tales to tell, doctor. At least they're more interesting than mine."
Ritsuka looked at Perry, and Heinz frowned.
"What? Having an archnemesis is perfectly normal!"
"Indeed!" agreed Iskandar with a knowing nod, puffing his chest and crossing his arms in pride. "Enemies push you further beyond, and an archnemesis does that even more! I applaud you for that, Master!"
"...I think he's referring to the fact that your Master has to contend with a platypus," said Archer, sighing.
"Size and shape do not matter," said Ushiwakamaru, grinning. "Didn't you see what he did back there? This little guy has the heart of a warrior!" Archer's cat ears twitched slightly.
"That was never questioned, but I question his judgment, considering, in all my years, I never seen someone having the balls to land on Heracles and put fingers on his eyes."
The Master shrugged. Atalanta's frown intensified.
"What do you mean by 'Just another day at work'?! You don't do that to a man like him and-"
"He did, though," said Ritsuka, before being shut up by her glare. "He really did it."
"Point is…please, don't try anything like that again," begged Atalanta. "Or at least give a warning."
The platypus thought about that, then nodded. Atalanta let out a sigh. What was her issue in getting such a troublesome Master? First Kotomine and now this.
"Well, expect to see this a lot," said Heinz informatively. "He's a platypus of action. You don't get to be a secret agent without being willing to get dirty."
"...it's still a bit surreal to see an animal acting like James Bond," said Ritsuka while staring at said animal with a look of admiration and bewilderment.
"Oh, I read all of those books!" said Mash, perking up brightly with a smile. "It reminds me of that as well."
"James Bond has a book series?!" asked Heinz, astounded.
"Yeah, it was the basis for the movies," confirmed the boy.
"There are movies?" asked Shielder with an innocent tilt of her head.
The two Masters looked at her as if she had grown a second head.
"You know the books, but not the movies?" said Ritsuka softly.
"You have Netflix! How have you never heard of those movies?!" asked Heinz with an incredulous expression.
"I like reading more, alright?" defended the girl with a pout. "I only watch movies when Da Vinci-san or Doctor Roman invite me." Like that, the man went one eighty easily.
"Alright, nothing wrong with that," said Heinz, his shoulders did a helpless shrug. "Just surprised."
"Hm…" hummed Iskandar. "Your way of speech sounds familiar to me. Where are you from, Master?"
"Hm? I am from Drusselstein," he said. "Why?"
His eyebrows raised slightly.
"Ah, there's a name I haven't heard in a long time."
Silence.
"Mister Iskandar?" said Mash hesitantly. Warily. "I…don't have a record of you invading such land. Drusselstein…the name sounds like it comes from a country in the north of Europe, am I correct?"
Perry nodded.
"And you never went north in your conquests. So why do you…?"
"Simple," said the king. "If I went north, my empire would have fallen in a day."
Ritsuka blinked.
"Because of Drusselstein?"
"Yup," repeated the man. "When I conquered Greece, I had thought of going north first in my conquest. However, I went to Delphi to check my fate like so many heroes did in the past, and it said plainly: 'If to the north you brave, all it holds for thee is an early grave. Drussel points for thee demise, so avoid for great feats aspire.' So I decided to do that later and charge to conquer other lands and the plan was to go north once there was nothing else to conquer, but I died before that was the case."
"You dodged a bullet," said Heinz bluntly. "Drusselstein is so backwater that I don't doubt you could still meet dinosaurs there."
"Surely you jest," said Ritsuka, laughing, only to look at Heinz's expression, dead serious. "Oh…"
"Yeah, there's a reason why leaving that place was the best thing to happen for me. It only got livable in recent years, and it was counted out of so many treaties that I'm shocked no one tried to exploit it before."
"...how many are we talking about?" asked Ritsuka with a fragile smile.
"Oh, a lot. In fact…enough for a little list."
The sound of a violin began to come from Heinz's pocket. Archer's feline ears straightened.
"What is…"
"Wait, I heard about that from Doctor Roman," said Mash, looking curious. "Doctor Heinz is versed in 'spontaneous singing.'" The huntress blinked.
"Spontaneous what?" asked Atalanta.
And then Heinz began:
"As some day it may happen that the tale of Drusselstein must be told
I got a little list - I've got a little list
Of big nations that we met then put us under the fold
And let us be missed - boy, were we missed!
There's the time we offended Bulgaria by killing its sunflowers -
And Italy, never forgetting the Pisa Tower -
And when we scared Luxemburgo away by being defeatist -
All this caused us to be missed - all written on the list!"
The song paused for a second, as Heinz picked a paper from his pocket and wrote a few quick words for Iskandar to say.
"He has all that on the list - he has it on the list,
And no event was missed, none was missed."
Heinz continued:
"There's the Ottoman Turks and all of his pieces;
And the crash of tulips in Holland - all here, bit by bit!
The Spaniards whining about golden mines
None of that was missed - all on the list!
Then the idiotic diplomat that, with a frown
Nearly brought the British Empire on assault!
And the offensive dance number that, in a struck
Alienated a dozen countries because it unsurprisingly sucked!
And the Gimmelshtump Goozim explosion -
I'm sure the Africans don't miss it - oh, they don't miss it!"
Going along with his Master happily, Iskandar chanted:
"He has it all on the list - he has it on the list!
None of that was missed - I'm sure none was missed!"
The violin song stepped up, and so did Heinz's singing:
"And there's when we tried for the Mayflower, to a New World
We nearly brought it underseas - How? See in the list
And all those we tried to charm with our comedy, oh so bold
So many enemies we did - all listed here
And so many others cases I don't know
Seriously, why do the people of South People have Drussel in such a bad renown?
Look, just spin a globe and put a finger on its surface
They will be on the list, it's nearly granted!
And then Master and Servasangung together:
"For all is on the list, and none of that was missed
And none of that was missed, yeow!"
At this point, the song from Heinz's pocket stopped, and he and Iskandar bowed.
Ritsuka and Mash blinked.
"This…was surprisingly good," said the boy, his expression colored in amazement.
"Hm," nodded the girl, having already heard of the mad doctor's musical exploits.
"Bravo, bravo!" said Ushiwakamaru, clapping her hands while smiling enthusiastically. "Such spontaneity is nothing short of phenomenal!"
"What do you mean this happens all the time?" asked Atalanta loudly, looking at Perry, shocked and incredulous.
"Eh, it wasn't that great," said Heinz modestly, scratching the back of his head. "It was just something very simple here, no smoke, raising stands, proper chorus - though you have a future with that baritone of yours, King Iskandar."
Said conqueror chuckled.
"Oh, you know. My soldiers and I sometimes chanted some songs before battles, and the king can't afford to be out of tone, right? That just can't be."
"And to think there's a degree for that…America is really a wild place," said Ritsuka, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"It's art, just like creating Inators," said Heinz with a grin. "Maybe I can run you over some of the-"
Knocks on the door. Caster entered.
"Heyo, finally finished with the wards around the mountain. Now we can discuss this in peace. Also, who was singing?"
People pointed at Heinz.
"Nice," said the Child of Light. "Alright, so let's sit and plan how we go over this. Because…well, we're talking with the Servant that annihilated almost half of a Grail War alone."
Heinz and Iskandar sat back down, the conqueror humming.
"Hm…Saber was a powerful Servant, but I can't imagine she doing the same in my war…at least because she had to deal with me and the Archer of the Fourth War."
"You mentioned this, right?" said Mash, looking at the male Rider attentively. "King Gilgamesh. Was that man Caster and I faced really…?"
"No, your description does not match the man I crossed paths with," negated the man. "Maybe it's one of those tricks that the Fates like to play on men. Or something deeper. But he certainly was not that king."
If that man were there, he would probably feel insulted by Iskandar thinking he would be corrupted so easily. Still, a book that Waver had and he read said it all: 'Once you eliminate the impossible, what remains, no matter how improbable, is the truth.'
"So, how do you measure the Saber you knew?" asked Ritsuka.
"Even with what I say, she was powerful," said the king, looking up at the sky. An odd mixture of commending and pity colored his face. "A naive martyr, but a powerful warrior. With her Sword of Promised Victory, she single-handedly obliterated a giant monster that the Caster of our war created, and she could swing it almost as fast as the Gordius Wheel at maximum speed. And for most of the war, she was handicapped by having one of her hands disabled by one of Lancer's cursed spears, yet still was a formidable adversary."
"Hm…matches with my personal impressions," said Cú, closing his eyes. "Very strong, even more after whatever happened to her. Mostly a close-range fighter, but one that can shrug off a lot of shit. I couldn't hope to beat her with all that Magic Resistance, as most of my fire barely harmed her."
"So a terrible match-up for you…" hummed Ushiwakamaru. "Is she fast?"
"She was already faster," said the Caster, opening his red eyes and narrowing them. "But she seems to have some sixth sense to detect attacks. I think that was how she got to Assassin before he used his Phantasm - though I doubt a curse of that level would do much. But the big thing we need to watch out for is her Phantasm."
"Excalibur," said Mash quietly, strongly uneased. Caster nodded.
"Yup. The big, bad Sword of Promised Victory. In an enclosed space like that, our options to avoid it become more limited, so we'll rely on your power to protect us, girlie. Got it?"
Atalanta and Heinz seemed unhappy about that, but said nothing as Mash nodded, determination in her eyes.
"I will do my best!"
The older Master sighed.
"Anything else we should know?"
"Hm…she used to have this Phantasm to hide her blade, but she seemed to have stopped bothering to use it. Keep that in mind, however: we don't want shit like that to get us off-guard."
Caster looked at a clock.
"I'm giving half an hour before we move to the dragon's den. Get ready and take a deep breath. Last chance to do so."
Ritsuka thought it would be a good time to call the Director.
He had tried to call Heinz and Perry to stay together for the message, but the Masters had gone wandering with his Servants to somewhere, while Caster had his back against the wall and eyes closed, attempting to have a quick nap.
This meant only he, Mash, and Ushiwakamaru were close by.
"Oh, this tech still is fascinating, Fujimaru-dono," said the girl with a mesmerized face, passing her hand through the virtual image of Romani like a dog focused on playing with its ball.
"Please don't do that, it makes it hard to see," complained the man.
"Doctor, where is Director Olga?" asked Mash. Her caretaker sighed.
"I ordered her to go and have a bathroom break," said the good doctor. "It was the best argument I could find to make her go and have some rest. She's been walking like crazy for hours and making everyone nervous."
"Oh," said Ritsuka, looking sympathetic. "Is she…?"
He stopped talking midway. Of course she wasn't fine, her whole world was crumbling down and she saw something so terrifying in Dr. Doofenshmirtz's room that made her put the place in quarantine.
Olga Marie was anything but fine.
"Well, we wanted to report we managed to neutralize all Servants but Saber here," said the Master.
"It was a battle for ages, a clash of spirits, a place where a small hero took center stage and saved the day at the last moment!" boasted Ushiwakamaru. "Praise to Perry the Platypus, noble adventurer!"
"...I feel like I missed a few things that would put some white hairs on me," said the man, looking exhausted. "As if your condition isn't already worrying."
Ritsuka blinked.
"Do you refer to this situation here," he pointed outside. "Or…?"
"Your circuits," said Roman, frowning. "We can see from here. Perry and Heinz have wasted a lot of energy, but you are getting drained."
Ushiwakamaru had some guilt on her face. Ritsuka shook it off.
"It was needed to win the engagement against Berserker," he said firmly. Then he turned sheepish. "But man, I still feel a bit sore…"
"Oh, you'll feel more than sore if you keep like this," said Romani, lecturing. "You are overusing them. If you keep using energy like this, well…you may end up burning them. And it's not a pretty sight."
Ritsuka let out a gulp. To think he was so close to…
"B-but Senpai may need to use my Noble Phantasm!" said Mash, rightfully anxious. "What do we…"
"I'm not forbidding the usage of Noble Phantasms," said Romani gently. "But avoid having to use them. If you can't…well, there are the Command Seals."
Ritsuka looked at the red marks in his hand. Part of him still felt uneasy about having that amount of power in his hands, but…
"So all I need to do is tell Mash to use her Noble Phantasm?"
"Or you can use it to boost her, or to help her patch herself up," added the man. "Command Seals are versatile, don't forget to warn the others of that."
He nodded, as did Mash.
"Doctor…" said the girl, staring at the hologram with concern. "Please, take care of yourself too. I can see the purple in your eyes from here."
The man jumped a bit at that, but then he gave a tired smile.
"I got to make all those days sleeping in empty rooms worth it. Good luck kids."
The call ended. Ushiwakamaru kept looking at the machine for a few moments, before saying:
"That man doesn't have the type to be reliable…but he actually is, right?"
Mash sighed.
"When he's not slacking or using Magi*Mari…"
"I feel you just said something very mean…" said Ritsuka, a bead of sweat running through his forehead.
"So, a drachma for your thoughts?" asked Iskandar.
Heinz looked at the man.
"You are paying quite a lot for someone's mumblings," said the man. "Inflation - as well as age - makes the drachma from your time worth a lot."
"Hm…I still keep my offer," said the man, smiling kindly. "What is in your mind?"
His Master looked at the mountain, both unhappy and torn.
"I don't like this. Of letting kids fight."
The conqueror sat beside his Master.
"Kids? Hm, I suppose by modern standards you should call them teenagers, or so I heard. Back in my time, Mash and Ritsuka would already be nearly adults, and they surely seem responsible enough for such designation from what I saw."
"I get that," said the man, conflicted by doubt and great concern. "But…it just ain't right. All of this mess…Ritsuka was thrown into this with no preparation and Mash may not even be fully human now. It's just so…"
"Well, you were also not exactly a willing participant in these events," argued the red-haired man.
The scientist snorted.
"Me? Yeah, but Perry and I are very good at improvising, so I have no issues with this. But, as far as I know, the kid is pretty average, and he doesn't seem much older than my daughter," he sighed. "Maybe that's why I am…"
He didn't finish, thinking about how Olga Marie was hiding something. What was that woman doing? And why…why did she react negatively to him mentioning Vanessa?
For once, he began cursing his intelligence, because the conclusions coming to him were not good at all. Better to stay ignorant and deal with one crisis at a time…
"Master? Are you alright?"
"Sorry, just thinking," he said, frowning deeply. "It's just…I am a dad. The last thing I want is to see kids getting hurt. It doesn't help that Mash practically was adopted back in Chaldea, and one of her caretakers is my rival. I can't let anything happen to her, how do I face Da Vinci after that?!"
Iskandar closed his eyes, ruminating.
"Yeah, it is a complex situation…but sometimes, it is like that," he smiled softly. "Not all of my campaigns were easy, there were quite a few thorny situations that my army passed through. Yet, we kept going and having faith that things would end well. I suppose, as long as you keep this in mind, you should do well. Courage, Master, courage."
The man huffed.
"Easy to say," grumbles the mad scientist…but he retributited the smile. "Thanks, Iskandar. Never thought I would receive prep talk from a Macedonian, though."
"And never thought I would speak with a man of science like you directly," the king chuckled heartily. "Life sure is full of moments like these. Ride the wave and see what lies at the end of the ocean."
Atalanta still felt she didn't quite understand her situation.
Then again, she felt no one understood what was happening, but that was just what she felt. Though she by far had the weirdest Master arrangement.
She walked side by side with Perry. The feet of the special agent were all healed, but he still avoided putting weight on his previously broken one, although he slowly was returning to a normal pace.
The agent seemed to be walking for the sake of walking, which Atalanta didn't see much issue with. From time to time she had to strike some of the monsters still inhabiting the streets, but overall, the walk was uneventful.
Eventually, he sat against a wall, taking a few deep breaths. His hand went to touch the seals on his back.
"How does it feel?" the words came out of her mouth before she could stop. "The seals, I mean. Are they…?"
The platypus hummed for a second before grunting a bit. Normal, he said, which made this all the weirder.
"It's not like a tattoo," said Archer. "It puts a mark, but otherwise…"
"Gyu," said the platypus, commenting on how he had felt an irritation in his back before, but he hadn't thought it would lead to that.
"You can tell a lot with little, hm?" commented the Archer.
She wondered why she understood so much from him only grunting once, and then hearing little from many words. Her deduction was her bestial nature combined with her mental connection with the platypus alongside his own understanding of men's language, but she was no Caster to be sure of that. Maybe she could ask Chulainn.
The secret agent shrugged, and then he looked around. Atalanta noticed they approached the temple a fair bit.
Artoria Pendragon…
She didn't give much thought before, but she did meet someone who knew her during that time, right? Saber of Red was Mordred, after all. She didn't interact much with…her? Him? The huntress remembered the knight had issues being referred to as a woman. Not that it mattered now, but she decided to refer to Mordred as her for convenience's sake. Anyway, Atalanta didn't have much space to interact with the knight considering she was always close to her Master and then later joined the Black Faction to fight against Amakusa.
Some tales said Mordred and Arthur were fairly similar in appearance. She didn't see the knight's face a lot, but she remembered that she had blonde hair, small yet strong. Iskandar confirmed they shared the same biological sex as well…which raised quite a few questions, considering Mordred was supposed to be born of the relationship between Arthur and Morgan Le Fay, but Atalanta had seen weirder.
It's not like the Greek Gods weren't responsible for unusual birth circumstances. On top of her head, Zeus was the most guilty of such circumstances as virtue of his habits of disguising himself to escape the wrathful eyes of Hera and she remembered stories about the horse Arion, born from a case between Demeter and Poseidon while they had the shape of horses.
Still…the Great War in Trifas seemed like such a distant memory. One where both good and bad things happened…she remembered vividly of her battle against Ruler, where she-
"Gyu?"
Atalanta looked at her hands, holding a very familiar boar pelt.
"...it's nothing," she lied, dismissing the object. "Remembering," she then noticed the platypus holding a photo. "What is…?"
He was in some enclosed area, hugging a boy with red hair, who had a smile on his face. Another boy, with green hair, was watching from a bit back, looking neutral. On the back, another red-haired man operated a machine.
"Who is this kid?" asked Atalanta curiously, her voice soft.
Perry looked at her for a second before saying he was one of his caretakers, the green-haired boy being the other.
"Caretaker? Do they know about…" she pointed vaguely at his hat, to which the platypus shook…though this was of a time when they knew. "How did they forget?"
He tapped at the man operating the machine in the background. She understood: this was something to make them forget.
"Was it important for them to not remember your identity?" deduced the huntress.
He nodded. She could see part of him wished they could know, but it was part of the mission.
"Does your…nemesis know about-" the catgirl saw the platypus shaking his hands: he didn't know and it was better this way. "Because he would do something or…?" he opened his beak wide open. "Loudmouth, got it. Because if he did plan something awful…"
Silence. Perry seemed to scoff at the notion at first, but then he grimaced. Atalanta moved to ask what disturbed him, but he shrugged it off as nothing important. She felt it was more important he let it appear but decided to not press further.
"They seem like good kids," said the huntress, looking at it tenderly.
'The best,' seemed to say the platypus with a smirk.
"Fearful for the next battle?" she asks.
Silence. It is a bit difficult to understand his gestures, but she gets what they convey: a frustration from realizing how wide the gap between the living and Servants was. Someone that likes to act, and is frustrated when unable to.
"Sometimes the hardest action is to not fight," she said. "There is wisdom to be found there…but I suppose you know this already."
The Master nodded. The two stood silent for a few minutes until the Servant said resolutely:
"I will make sure you return to them. I am a protector of children, after all. If I can't make them happy, how can I call myself that?"
The agent nodded, touched by the gesture, but also said that protecting him was to be expected, no?
"Perhaps," agreed the huntress. "But I take seriously anything that involves children."
The platypus reflected on this, and ultimately let out another silent thank you.
"You're welcome," she said, before looking at the clouded sky. Her stoic mask returned. "I think our time is nearly up. Let's go back."
A few minutes passed, and the whole group marched to Mount Enzou.
"Why did Saber choose this place as her base?" asked Ritsuka. "Is there something important about it?"
The druid hummed.
"Yeah, I forgot you three are new to magecraft," said the druid. "Because otherwise, it would be simple to get it. To sum up, that mount is over a bunch of ley lines, meaning it's a good place to feed the Grail the energy it needs to work - think of the Servants more as the fuel for the whole wish-granting part."
"The top of the mountain is a good place for a dramatic showdown…" grumbled Heinz. "And yet, that king makes her base in the caves? This reeks of bad taste to me."
"Maybe, but it has some strategic value," commented Iskandar, as they passed through a small forest. "Noble Phantasms tend to be very destructive. For instance, I can't see Medusa or our friend here utilizing their most powerful Phantasms safely inside that place - at least not in their original, and probably most powerful, forms."
"Golden star for you, King," said Caster. "It's a pretty large cave, but it's a fact it limits some of Wicker Man's versatility. However, this also applies to her: Excalibur is a pretty potent Noble Phantasm, but if aimed wrongly…"
"It could bring the cave down on our heads," concluded Heinz. "I have lots of experiences with situations like that."
"How are you still alive?" asked Ushiwakamaru, jumping from branch to branch above them.
"Drusselstein makes tough people…and ocelots train you to move fast when danger comes," says the scientist, putting his thin metal hands on the back of the head. "Man, I'm already missing those times…It was all so simple, wasn't it Perry?"
The platypus grunted. Ritsuka sighed.
"I never thought I would say that, but I wish I could understand platypus language."
"I feel partially the same," said Mash, looking at the animal agent with great interest. "Perry-san seems to say many things with little things…it's fascinating." She doesn't notice Fou pouting.
Caster stopped at the entrance of the cave. A few monsters were close-by but were swiftly eliminated by fireballs.
"Once we go in, there's no turning back," he warned. "Are you ready?"
"Probably no," admitted Heinz. "Let's go."
The group entered the caves, following Caster. From time to time a monster appeared and they had to stop to eliminate the threat, but it was a mostly bumpless road ahead.
Until they felt it. And she felt them. A weird pressure was in the air, almost suffocating the Masters and making the Servants sweat.
"Such a wave of power…" Ushiwakamaru had her mouth open, tongue in the air. "I can almost taste the killing intent."
"I…hear stories that there's a story about two dragons in the Arthuriana," says Mash, gripping the handle of her shield to the point her fingers were white. "Of a red dragon clashing against a white one for the fate of Britain. The red is represented by Arthur and the white by his…her uncle, Vortigern. But…could it be that the connections are deeper? Are the rumors that Arthur has the blood of dragons truly…"
"I can't confirm or dismiss the claim," replies Iskandar. He held his blade tightly. "But it would explain much about her strength. Strengthen your heart for this battle, for it's only for the strong."
With those jolly words, they proceeded, the pressure steadily increasing…until it faded away.
"She understands it's worthless to make such demonstrations. We passed through her trial," said Iskandar, resolved like the rest of the group. "There is only one way to stop us now…"
They finally reached the end of the tunnel.
"...sending us to Hades."
As Caster said, the room was large. Heinz estimated it was almost as big as some of his temporary secret bases - man, there were many large caves around the world now that he stopped to think about it. In the middle, an ominous light erupted to the roof, illuminating the place.
And, standing in the way of their goal, was Saber.
Iskandar and Atalanta gave deep breaths for different reasons.
For the Conqueror King, it was comparison. The King of Knights he knew was a proud figure, a knight wearing silver armor with a blue gown below. Her blade was mostly hidden by the wind, but Excalibur was a weapon whose light was comforting, a bastion of hope. The face was roughed by years of battle, but, even when her greatest wish was to undo what made her remembered in history, there was steel in those green eyes, a will to fight until the bitter end.
The woman in front of him wore black jet armor, with a black gown. He could tell from his position that it was heavier than the old one, ready to tank all sorts of hits. Her blade dismissed the wind sheath, showing the darkened Excalibur in all of its oppressive glory. Her green eyes were now of a sickly yellow, still with that same iron, but now feeling ragged, ready to obliterate any fool that put itself in the way of its ambitions.
In short, a metamorphosis from king to tyrant.
To the Huntress of Arcadia, it was the similarity. Sure, the armor was different but had the same menacing aura. The frame of the body was similar, the hair was styled similarly. Yet, the differences made all the…well, you get it. Mordred had her bun in a wilder style and the way she held the blade was rougher. Artoria was prim and proper, wielding her blade with two hands.
She remembered Cú remarking Saber was different after her return. Part of her wondered if the king had any resemblance to her sister, Morgan Le Fay, in this state.
"...alright, that is a pretty neat evil outfit," said Heinz, gulping nervously. If it was meant to be a joke or to be taken seriously, no one was sure - not even the man himself.
Slowly, the group stopped, the Servants a bit ahead of the Masters.
Caster pointed his staff at the enemy.
Mash gripped her shield tightly.
Atalanta had a hand in the quiver.
Ushiwakamaru was ready to draw Usumidori.
Yet, it was the King of Conquerors who performed the first maneuver.
"Do you recognize me, King of Knights?"
Silence. The expression of the swordswoman didn't change in the slightest.
"...I've never seen you before," said the knight, emotionless. "Yet, I recognize the pedigree of a king. Who is you, who raises swords against me?"
"...yes, how foolish of me," said Iskandar, surmising. "This is not the Fuyuki I used to know, and you're not the king with whom I traded ideals."
The knight raised her eyebrow.
"Ohoh? It seems an interesting tale…not that it matters now," she said, gripping the handle of the sword tightly. "For you put yourself as my enemy."
"...not too different from how we were back then," chuckled the king. "For you put yourself at an unreachable pedestal, became more than human for the sake of your kingdom, whereas I lead ahead of them. You were a martyr and I a comrade."
The king stood in silence for a second…
And then she laughed. A cruel, mocking laugh, but not one that was loud. It was in a low voice, which, in Heinz's opinion, made it even scarier.
"Yes, yes. This seems, indeed, like my foolish old self," she said, a sneer flaming within her eyes. "Yet, we still see things in a similar vein."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Ritsuka slowly.
Her grin was almost dismissive.
"You are a brave one to ask me this, little ant," said Artoria. "Alas, I answer you with another question: what is the purpose of a hero?"
"What kind of silly question is this?" asks Ushiwakamaru with a frown. "A hero is a protector. He strikes against those threatning peace and protects those targeted by the hardships of battles."
"A foolish and naive answer," said Saber Alter bluntly and coldly. "The purpose of a hero, and my way of kingship, is simple: a hero is to be hated."
"Hated?" asked Heinz, looking confused. "A hero shouldn't be hated, right? I mean, there's the occasional story about anti-heroes or the line-up where he's framed by crimes or turns evil or there's fans that dislike the character or…"
"Cease your drivel, fool," said the king, her piercing stare now aiming at the man. "Thou words aren't even silly enough to play jester in a court."
Perry grunted in protest and…
"Hey, don't go agreeing with her like that!" protested Heinz, arguing with the animal. "She's the baddie, the girl's out for our necks!"
"Gyu."
"What do you mean by-"
Artoria let out a chuckle, low and devoid of kindness.
"Alright, you bickering with the bird-"
"Mammal," corrected Mash.
"-is enjoyable. Satisfied, jester?"
Before Heinz could answer, she turned back to Iskandar.
"Let's return to the core matter: a hero must be hated. To their allies, to their enemies, it matters little, or if said hatred is something that is intended or not. A hero is a figure of hate. My foolish self, the one that took the Sword in Stone and swung it as I braved Britain and fended off invaders, she thought of the king as the example to be followed, someone that should embody all that's good and noble. Yet…if you know me, you know what lies at the end of that path."
Silence. Slowly, Heinz raised his hand.
"Er…elaborate, please. Preferably in a musical number to reveal your traumas."
"No," cut the king callously.
"Aw. Alright Perry, give me the quickie."
"Really? You don't know how the story of Arthur - er, Artoria, Arthuria - " corrected Atalanta.
"It matters little what name you choose," said the king in black, looking dismissive.
"...Artoria goes?" finished the huntress.
"Well, there was that one movie where Merlin was the main character, and then the TV series where Merlin was also the main character…wow, for the poster child of your mythology, you sure get sidelined a lot-"
BOOM!
Mash blocked the charge, pushing Artoria back.
"I grow impatient with your tomfoolery, scarecrow," said the king with a dangerous edge in her declaration, her cold-blooded eyes piercing through the man's soul, before catching Iskandar's swinging blade with her left hand. "So I shall sum in a manner that even a simpleton like you can understand: I reject the path I once built, for that's only a road for tragedy."
"...so that's how you think?"
Artoria gave an uninterested stare at the King of Conquerors. He grit his teeth in anger.
"Even now, you are the same naive child I met!"
He managed to release the blade from her grasp and tried another swing, but the knight avoided the attack with ease, stepping back.
"Pray to tell, how am I still the same?"
Iskandar puffed up.
"Symbol of admiration. Symbol of hatred. No matter what you do, you walk alone. Even with knights who admired and respected you, even with citizens who looked up to the knight who brought peace to a kingdom ravaged by invasions. All this time, you made yourself distant, more than human."
"The king's path is meant to be traveled by a single person," said the darkened king dispassionately, stopping her attacks. She gave a dry smile. "Or do you offer to have multiple heads wear the crown, to share command? How well did that go to your empire after you died."
"I have no regrets about how things went after my final rest," said Iskandar firmly, his eyes and frown strengthened with admittance and adamantness. "My empire was split, yes. Comrades turned arms against each other. But I will never regret the time I spent with those precious brothers in arms, walking alongside those men to battle after battle. We partied together, wept together, and lived together. The subjects gave themselves to the king, and I answered their wishes to the best of my abilities."
His glare became stormy.
"I will ask this a single time, Artoria Pendragon. What do you wish to do with the Holy Grail?"
"...isn't it obvious?" asked the king derisively. "To undo the great mistake of the kingdom of Camelot: letting a foolish dreamer become a king.
The king closed his eyes, and then he laughed. But not the hearty laugh that the members of Chaldea and Cú got used to, but a bitter laugh.
"Is everything alright?" asked Mash, who uncharacteristically looked angry and upset more openly at Blackened Saber. She wondered why those words struck so hard on her…
"Is everything alright, girl?!" retorted the man. "I laugh to avoid crying, because this king, for all her talk about following a dark path, to become vilified, learned nothing from this experience. Thoughtlessly, she throws away all the great deeds she did in her time and searches to erase herself from the annals of history. Attempting to change what can't be changed."
"You think that's impossible?" asked Artoria, lifting her arm. "Look around. This is proof that the Grail has the power to bend history to my liking. With a single wish, a tragedy can be avoided."
"Maybe, maybe…" said the king. "But you still throw away the efforts of hundreds, thousands of men that swore your blade to the cause. Your regret besmirches the will of those who trusted and followed you faithfully to the battlefield."
"And look at how well that went: a mountain of bodies surrounding me," retorted the king. "The path of the chivalry, it was wrong. The only way ahead is for another one to take power and become the new king."
"...there's one thing different between you and the original one," said Iskandar solemnly. "She had strong morals. Even faced with the failures of her rule, she never let go of those dreams of a better world obtained with good and noble deeds."
"Which makes the old me only more of a fool," said Artoria. Her glare grew colder. "So, did you take enough pleasure in hearing your voice? Attempting to make me see things through your eyes? If so, consider it the single mercy I'll take before slaying you."
"Oh, now we are talking," said Cú, twirling his staff. He cracked his neck. "All this stuff about morals and ideals fly over my head. Let's just crack some skulls and get this over with."
"...yes, let's end this," he turned to his Master. "Doofenshmirtz. I ask you to use one of your Command Seals."
"Hm?" the man looked confused. "Why?"
"I want you to order me to use my Noble Phantasm."
The other Masters and Servants looked at the man.
"Er…why say that out loud?" asked Atalanta lowly. "Isn't it better to do it at the moment?"
"It doesn't seem very strategic," commented Mash. "Is this…"
"It isn't," answered Ushiwakamaru.
"You are a bold one to use your Noble Phantasm so early," said Artoria impassively. "Go ahead. Your chariot is nothing I should fear."
Heinz, savvy as he is, recognized Rider had some card in his sleeve. So:
"Knock yourself out. Er, not literally, but you-"
He felt a burning feeling on his back, the energy flowing into the king. A white barrier was expelled from his body and-
Ritsuka blinked at the sudden light in his eyes.
The caves were well-illuminated, don't get it wrong, but after being trapped for so much time in a place where the closest thing to a light was the fire that kept burning in the background, the sudden appearance of the sun blinded him for a second.
He looked down at the soft surface he now stood on. Sand. Yellow sand. Then he looked at the blue sky illuminated by the sun.
"What the…"
Their Servants were close, but Iskandar was nowhere in sight. Perry was also looking around, caught off-guard by the sudden change in locals and Heinz-
"COUGH! COUGH! WHY?!"
For whatever reason, the man appeared with his neck half-stuck in the sand, coughing enough to make a little sand castle.
Caster let out a whistle.
"Phew. So he had a trick like that up his sleeve all this time…"
"Gyururururu?" asked Perry, and even Mash caught the meaning behind these words. The disbelief and shock in her voice grow.
"It can't be, but yet…there is no other explanation. This is a Reality Marble."
"A what now?" asked Heinz, looking at the Shielder with raised eyebrows. "I thought we were teleported. What is that about marbles? Did someone lose them?"
BOOM!
The heroes looked into a distant dune, where the blackened king stood, proud. It was pretty far, but enough to hear her booming voice.
"What kind of trickery is this, King of Conquerors? You spoke of facing me head-on, yet I can't see you anywhere. Show yourself and have the decency of falling to my blade rather than by me running through your Master."
"Can we not?" asked Heinz. "I have a recipe saying I can't be stabbed."
Then, they heard the boisterous laugh of Iskandar.
"I am right here, King of Knights! All I did was set the stage for a match that never was!"
They heard the hooves of a horse…
"What is that?" asked Atalanta, alarmed. "Did he multiply?!"
Indeed, it wasn't the sound of a single horse, or even from Gordius Wheel's two bulls that was heard.
It was the sound of many hooves. And of men stomping against the sand, climbing the dune behind them.
On top of it, Iskandar, mounted on his Bucephalus, which had his legs to the air as the king raised his sword in a pose reminiscent of another great conqueror. And by his side…
"Are those Macedonian soldiers?!" squealed Doofenshmirtz, eyes bulging comically.
"How do you know they are Macedonian?!" asked Ritsuka, jaw-dropping and eyes widening.
Yet, even he couldn't argue with the man: men in silver armor carrying bows, spears, swords. Some were mounted on horses, some in carriages. A few wore differently from his companions, and so many units marched that attempting to find uniformity between the lines was like attempting to find a difference between two snowflakes.
"King of Knights. In the meeting I remember, we only truly crossed blades once. On that occasion, we lived all, yet I was that night's loser, getting my ride destroyed. Yet, even today I wonder…"
He raised his arms. The soldiers started making noise: those with shields collided their weapons against them, while those without started screaming war cries or, for those with spears, hit the ground with the basis.
"...would you have won against us? Girl with a large shield, you are correct in defining this as a Reality Marble. One of the apexes of magecraft, the materialization of an inner world into the outside world. You could say it represents the wishes of its user, as it materializes from their thoughts, actions, and ideas. Yet…it's incorrect to say this power is mine," the warriors screamed enthusiastically, their king making a big grin while spreading his arms wide open. "No, this is our power! Each man that ever served me through our campaigns: all of them put their efforand ts, their wishes into creating this! Surpassing time, space, and any barriers put ahead of them, these warriors' loyalty never wavered! As long as we remain ambitious, and keep searching that place, they will never fade away! The pinnacle of my way as king: this is Ionioi Hetairoi!"
"ALALALALALALALALAI!"
The warriors roared together with their king. The ruler pointed his blade at the guardian.
"Let us decide who is better with this method: my army against you!" he turned to the members of Chaldea. "Of course, you are also included in this fight."
A laugh. From the other side of the sea of sand, Artoria laughed. Nasty, disbelieving, and most of all bitter laughter.
"Oh, so that is your trump card? How adorable," said the king, before her eyes hardened. "You say you have an army? You think you put me against the wall, surrounded me? All I'm surrounded by is fear…"
Her blade emitted a dark beam to the sky, clearing the few clouds in the sky.
"...and dead men!"
The knight charged.
"Onward, my braves!"
"UOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The soldiers charged onward against their lone opponent. She put the blade in front of her and started chanting:
"Vortigern, Hammer of the Vile King, reverse the rising sun!"
"SPLIT!" screamed Iskandar, his men obeying as they started splitting the army in two directions. 'Pointless,' thought the king.
"Swallow the light. Excalibur Morgan!"
Her blade swung…
BOOM!
And death followed suit.
Thanks to Iskandar's orders, many soldiers managed to avoid being hit by attack: however, many others were unable to run and got caught, eradicated by the red beam of obliteration that put any machine of similar ability that Heinz ever did in the dirt.
Ritsuka fell on his knees.
"Senpai?!" asked Mash, looking at him in worry.
"I'm fine, just…" he didn't finish, trembling in great fright after witnessing the destruction of the huge energy beam. So many deaths with just one swing of the sword. "Caster said it hit a home on the other side of the river, but I never thought it would so-"
"It is a terrifying sight," agreed the man. "But stay strong. This was only the opening maneuver."
"Get her, Alex!" cheered the mad scientist, clapping his hands and hollering loudly. Perry was on his shoulder, making a similar motion. More absurdly, Fou was on top of the secret agent's hat, letting out small "Fous!" in support. It was such a silly image that it made the boy smile.
"Come on, let's get to it!" said Caster with an eager smirk, jumping to follow the army, Ushiwakamaru following suit. Only Atalanta didn't move, preparing her bow to provide support from afar.
Meanwhile, the army clashed with Artoria. With supernatural agility, almost as if she could see the future, she avoided the first blows and started to wreak destruction in the frontline.
Man after man jumped on her, some simultaneously, others one by one. The king didn't leave the scenario woundless, but most of the blows bounced against her armor or missed as she avoided them and obliterated the enemy that tried to attack along with three or more of his friends.
If the bodies weren't disappearing as she kept slashing them away, Iskandar would be certain that a small mountain of dead in the ground. And even then, Artoria was slowly winning.
"Excalibur Morgan!"
Another attack, this time destroying a large part of the cavalry. He grit his teeth.
'What is the problem?' asked Heinz.
'...I need another Command Seal,' he said. 'Quick.'
The man complied, and Iskandar let out a relieved breath as he felt energy flowing into him.
'What is happening?' asked Heinz warily.
'...my Reality Marble works differently from others,' says the king. 'Whereas others are reliant on the amount of mana one can harness to keep it active, mine is also reliant on my followers to keep active. I asked you to use the Seal to help me stabilize it, but if Saber eliminates more of my soldiers all of a sudden like that…'
'Oh. Oooooh, yeah, that sounds bad.'
Heinz opened his eyes.
"Bit of a trouble," said Heinz grimly. "We need to stop her from doing that sword trick again, or else we're back to the cave."
Caster launched more and more fireballs against Saber in an attempt to burn her. Much to his frustration, it was proving to do little.
"Nothing we can do in terms of energy," said the man, clicking his tongue in annoyance. "The Grail didn't buff much her stats, but it allows her to spam the heck out of her Noble Phantasm."
"So no hope to outlast it," grumbled Atalanta. "Wonderful. I think I can work something, however."
With her long-ranged vision, she noticed the sword starting to flare. Putting the arrow in the string, she called:
"Stay back! Phoebus Catastrophe!"
The twin arrows flew into the sky and, a few seconds later, the arrows started to fall. Most soldiers stepped away at the focused attack. Artoria narrowed her eyes and, with a swing of her black blade, launched a beam that engulfed the attack in a second, with only a few stray arrows remaining and falling away.
The huntress gave a triumphant smile.
"Seems even the great king has to bow to the might of Artemis and Apollo. Now-"
Then Saber started charging her blade again.
"Lots of energy!" repeated Caster, attempting to summon some roots to hold Artoria back, but, in the middle of a desert, it was for naught.
The former Argonaut cursed.
"Master! I need power!"
Perry nodded, feeling one of his marks disappearing as the cat-like huntress launched a second Noble Phantasm.
And then a third wave, as the knight immediately tried to use her Noble Phantasm after destroying the arrow rain.
"Guh! Just how much energy she has?!" roared Atalanta in frustration, as she watched her third attack failing, and switching to knock arrows quickly in an attempt to keep her busy.
"Like hell I know!" said Caster. "It could be as well as infinite!"
"Er, actually," said Heinz, raising his metal finger up. "She can't hold that much energy, for all beings can only have so much inside of them at a time."
"Magic!" roared Cú, as he launched a large fireball to blind Saber and let some soldiers try their luck at stabbing her.
"...fair enough," said the man, lowering down his hand. "But I think it's a good sign she didn't go immediately for her Phantasm again."
"Doofenshmirtz-san is right," agreed Mash, looking determined. "Even with a grail feeding her, Excalibur is likely a Noble Phantasm that requires much energy. If we capitalize in this moment she has to cooldown…"
Ritsuka understood.
"Ushi, go for it!"
"Aye!"
The young Yoshitsune jumped from the middle of the army and charged at the blackened Servant, her Usumidori zooming through the air and clashing against Excalibur.
One of the most renowned generals of Japan against the prime standard for kings. Both women faced each other, Ushi with a bloodthirsty grin and Artoria with her usual cold expression.
"What seems to amuse you, mutt?" asked the king icily, putting more strength behind her blade.
"I imagined the best way to cut your head and to present it to Fujimaru-dono!" says the samurai, blitzing past the knight and going for a backstab that the knight avoided.
And, for a single minute, samurai and knight danced in a mortal duet. From time to time a soldier or even Iskandar himself attempted to enter the fight only to find himself unable to follow the breakneck pace that the two warriors put. At some points, it was possible to say the other Rider was in two places at once and yet Artoria still managed to flawlessly intercept the blows.
"The wounds are accumulating," grumbled Atalanta. "Yet she keeps moving. Now I see from where Saber of Red got her toughness."
"Gyu?" asked Perry.
"No one important," said Atalanta, launching two arrows aiming for the eyeholes of the knight and failing to connect either of them. "We are running out of time. Soon enough she'll have the energy to attack again."
"...I have a plan," said Ritsuka, his eyes narrowed. "But it'll have to be perfect. Cú, prepare yourself."
Ritsuka focused on the man, issuing his order mentally. One of the seals in his hand disappeared.
"Ah, I like the way you think," said the man with a bloodthirsty grin, starting to chant. The Master then turned to Heinz.
"Ask Iskandar to prepare his soldiers."
"Why?"
"We're giving them an opening," said the boy, hands sweaty. That could end the fight if done right.
In the sands, the fight raged on. Ushiwakamaru danced a lethal dance with Artoria, teleporting out of the way and covering for the supporting soldiers as they tried to get a lethal blow in.
'Ushi, prepare yourself!' exclaimed Ritsuka, sending a mental image to the girl.
Artoria tried to bisect her head, but Iskandar slammed on the king with Bucephalus and trampled on her, lightning shooting as he did so. Then a burst of energy pushed the animal into the air and shot the Rider out of his back.
Artoria couldn't help but give a vicious grin. If she struck him down, doubtlessly his Reality Marble would come crashing down, other soldiers be damned. With a flash, she moved to destroy his heart-
"Act One - Eye of Shiva!"
Nothing. For a moment, the king was taken by confusion.
Then her Instinct blared a second too late and she felt the spears piercing her back.
The spearmen - generals, if their distinctive appearance was anything to go by - lost their lives in exchange for the offense, but the damage was already done, and soon another spearman would try his luck against her. Then another and another and another, coming from all directions.
The next minute was chaotic, as the king suddenly saw herself on the defensive. She tried to open a path out of the trap, but the numbers were too much to open a hole. She didn't even have time to properly focus on using Excalibur. Blood ran from many wounds, and her armor slowly lost more parts as the metal was ripped throughout the onslaught of attacks.
Then, she started being raised in the air and felt a large wooden hand grabbing her, restraining her arms.
The Wicker Man threw the knight inside its cage and, a second later, set itself in flames. The heat of them was enough to glass some of the sand around, leading the soldiers who fought the king to step back.
"...is it over?" asked Heinz, caught off-guard. "Because that felt seriously anti-climatic."
"Not all fights have flashy ends, you know," stated Cú. "Sometimes it's better to let things end with a whimper than a bang."
"No, he has a point."
Iskandar stood by the side of the masters, Ushiwakamaru close.
"Pendragon is incredibly tough," said the King of Conquerors, his face poised. "I wouldn't be surprised if she-"
BOOM!
The head of the Wicker Man was blown into a million pieces.
"Gyurururu," groaned Perry, and no one needed a translator to get what he meant.
"HAH!" Atalanta, meanwhile, sprung into action by firing arrow after arrow in the direction of the Wicker Man, but-
BOOM!
Another wave of the Excalibur Morgan crushed the barrier that held Saber inside the flaming prison and destroyed another part of the army and-
"Away!"
The three Servants picked their Masters and avoided the large Excalibur wave, watching as the knight launched more beams.
Iskandar grimaced.
"Too many losses…the Marble is going to-!"
CREACK!
In the next moment, they were back at the humid cave. Rider dropped from his horse and kneeled, taking deep breaths.
"Ugh…I even felt that," muttered the man, before witnessing their enemy on the other side of the room.
Artoria looked, for lack of better terms, like utter shit. Her fancy hair braid had been undone, but it didn't matter for its size, as most of it had been burnt away by the Wicker Man. Speaking off, her face had a very ugly burn below the left cheek that Ritsuka would later swear was still sizzling. And that's not counting the parts of the armor that melt under the intense heat or the wounds that the army of the Ionioi Hetairoi gave as its last huzzah.
Yet, there was still a menacing pressure around her. Even if she took wounds that would suffice to kill a normal man, the King of Knights would persevere, insistently chase her ambition regardless of who or what put itself in the way.
"...an admirable effort," said the king, her voice in the same tone as before. "But not sufficient to defeat me."
"...stop bullshitting us," snapped Cú. "I can tell from here we roughed you up badly. How's that Spirit Core doing?"
The eyes of the king narrowed.
"Erm…translation?" asked Ritsuka.
"Heroic Spirits don't breathe, have a beating heart, all those human things. Well, we technically do, but it's adapted because we are spirits. Therefore, the Spirit Core can be seen as analogous to the heart because if it's taken down, the Servant goes down following suit. It can be affected by how a body is damaged or be struck directly, though. And, considering we put her through the wringer…"
"Oh, got it, she's real tough," said Heinz. "Like, real tough."
"To see such stubbornness mishandled…" mused Iskandar, straightening himself. He stares at the opposing king, his expression firm and resolved. "Put your blade down, King of Knights, and have a dignified death."
She closed her yellow eyes.
"If it is to fade away…"
They opened, both showing emotions as intense as the defiance of the dragon and coldness and hardness of the glacier.
"...then I shall drag all of you to hell with me!"
Excalibur flared with dark energy, a vortex of pure destruction.
The larger Rider clicked his tongue before scrunching his face in concentration. "Gh. Master!"
Instinctively, Heinz used his final seal, as Iskandar summoned the Gordius Wheel, lightning cracking.
"Get her!" shouted the man - but Iskandar didn't leave. Neither did Artoria hammer her Phantasm against the opposition.
"Gyururu?" asked Perry.
"...it's a competition of speed," deduced Atalanta.
She was correct, of course. Iskandar had the benefit of hindsight regarding his previous fight with Artoria. He now knew she was fast on the swing. This time, no tree could save him from the beam of the holy blade if he mistimed. He had to land Via Expugnato before she could hit him.
But…could he? There was not enough space to try and feint her. Going for a frontal assault like last time was fated to end in disaster.
And then Mash stepped in-between him and Artoria.
"Girl?" asked the man, confused. "What are you doing?"
She put the shield in front of her.
"Defending," she replied resolutely, feeling the power of Ritsuka's last seal flowing through her being, instinctively understanding her intentions.
"Girl…" started Heinz, only for the younger Master to put a hand on his shoulder.
"I could say something comforting," he said. "Instead, I'll remind you that it's either this or get erased by that thing."
Perry gave a blank stare to Ritsuka.
"Yeah, he makes a hard bargain," said the doctor, gulping.
"Child," says Artoria, the emotions in her eyes unchanged. "You intend to stand in my way."
"...I plan to stop your charge," the Shielder answers, her throat dry.
"What is your name?" the king asked.
"...Mash Kyrielight, from Chaldea," answers the Demi-Servant. "We fight for the sake of humanity…and I fight for the sake of these Masters."
"...big words, for a green warrior," the blackened king scoffs. "But are you strong enough to make them mean something?"
The blade shone an ugly red and black. Mash looked at Iskandar, who nodded.
If she failed, they died. If she succeeded, however…
His line of thoughts was interrupted, as the king finally made her move.
"EXCALIBUR…"
Her armored feet stomp the ground. The world seems to shake together.
"...MORGAN!"
The roar echoes through the cave. A beam of mass destruction rushes towards them.
"UOOOOOOOOH!"
Mash slams her shield against the ground, the blue wall appearing around her. The beam hits the black shield.
The pink-haired girl grunts at the force pushing her slowly back. Pain. It was so painful. She wouldn't be able to hold it, that beam would-
"Go, Mash!"
"Hold the ground, girl!" "Put your feet deep!" "Don't falter, Mash-dono!"
"Gyurururu!" "Fou!"
"Come on, you can do it!"
"Let's go, kouhai!"
…no. She couldn't let them down. The pressure was overwhelming, it seemed she was going to die…but she wouldn't. Not today.
The girl held against the wave of black energy. Then, something clicked in her head.
"UOOOOH!"
A transparent blue wall formed around the shield. The beams of Excalibur slowly disappeared….
And reflected on it's owner.
"!"
To the credit of the King of Knights, even that didn't suffice to end her life. She stumbled from the impact but soon was ready to swing her weapon once more.
"Not this time!"
Yet, she was too slow.
The Gordius Wheel trampled over her body. The full might of Via Expugnato wrecked her already damaged body, crushing bones, opening wounds, destroying her armor…
By the time the attack faded, Artoria was reduced to her destroyed black gown, and arms completely broken, so mutilated that it was impossible to grasp a single rock in the ground, what to say of a sword. Her pale skin was marred with the blood of her wounds.
Iskandar let his chariot disappear and stepped back. He knew she was no threat anymore, much to her annoyance…but even she could look at the facts.
"Is she…?" started Heinz warily, only for Atalanta to shake her head.
"I still hear her breath, but…she's a goner," the huntress said, finality in her words.
The king raised slowly from the ground, arms limping on her side.
"...what do you feel, Mash Kyrielight?" asks Artoria, frowning while wincing in unimaginable pain. "Satisfaction? Pity? Empty? How does defeating me makes you feel?"
"...it wasn't something I reached on my own, or motivated by personal grudges," admitted the girl, her voice sounding gentle but unyielding. "All I wanted was to protect those that put their faith on me, and that is that. I'm sorry for your dream, but we need to go back to our time."
Artoria closed her eyes.
"I see…" she stared at the King of Conquerors. "And you? You feel happy with your achievements in this battlefield?"
Silence. The king couldn't muster an answer that would satisfy himself and his noble opponent.
"I can't help but disagree with your ideas."
She turned her head to the jester - er, Doofenshmirtz.
"You kept talking about changing the past, erasing mistakes and all that. But the only thing people have that can't be taken by anyone is in the past. It doesn't matter if they were brainwashed, lost their memory or whatever, the results of their actions still remain in the world for good or for bad. Throwing away that fundamental aspect just seems wrong to me."
"And you think that you have enough ground to tell me such things?" replied the black king, her frown deepen.
Heinz gave a confident grin.
"Hey, I lived a pretty shitty life. Perry here can attest to it."
The secret agent nodded emphatically.
"At least from what I remember you had a family that loved you, a roof to live below and a goal to keep marching onwards. Me? I only had the last one, and even then I had to sweat to figure out what to do with my life. Yet, if you asked me, even through a storm of regret and sorrow, if I would change anything…well, maybe find ways to make my parents stop using me as a garden gnome…"
Archer's expression was perfectly stoic.
"What?" asked Atalanta.
The lower volume of her voice and the certain emotions Perry felt in the link spooked the animal agent slightly.
"...but otherwise wouldn't change much more. Because it makes me who I am, and I'm satisfied with that." Heinz finished.
"...I see," said the king. Surprisingly, there was some light that brightened her eyes more life despite how sickly yellow they were. "You are a delightfully simple creature, aren't you, Master of Chaldea?"
"...oooh, she's starting to respect me," said Heinz to Ritsuka.
She shut him up with a glare, the light in her eyes burned out like a flame. Her body started to disappear.
"Heroes of Chaldea. Do not get cocky for overcoming the first hurdle in this bumpy road. The battle to realize the mastermind behind all, to retrieve the Holy Grail…the Grand Order has just begun."
And, with that, the King of Knights faded away into the shadows.
"...well, that was not ominous," said Ritsuka cautiously.
"I'm inclined to agree with you, boy," said Iskandar, his face hard to describe as he stared at the spot where the King of Knights was intently. "Still, what was that Grand Order she spoke of?"
"Isn't it about collecting Grails?"
Ritsuka nearly jumped away as Ushiwakamaru appeared on his side.
"Yikes! Warn when you do-"
He was distracted by the shiny object in her hands. It was-
"A Holy Goblet!"
Eyes turned to Heinz, who then looked sheepish.
"I mean…it looked like a goblet from my position?" he answers lamely. "Look, I've never seen a chalice so wide before, this is obviously a Goblet."
"I don't know," says Mash. "It's not thin enough to be one. Besides, it was always called the Holy Grail, why call it something different now?"
"Precision?"
"...I think we have more important things to do than to discuss the intricacies of cup types," cut Atalanta. "How is the communication?" That perked Shielder up.
"Oh, right!" said Mash, picking the communicator. "Mash Kyrielight to Chaldea, over. Holy Grail successfully seized and being stored!"
Silence. Then, a second later, the virtual figure of Olga Marie popped in. She seemed rattled for whatever reason, as she tried to care for her hair.
"You did it?!" said the woman, looking shocked and relieved. "Thank goodness! The systems for the rayshifting are almost ready to be activated once again. Stay in the same location, we are locking in your coordinates."
"..."
Heinz silently looked at the image, tempted to press Olga about what was happening in their time now that things calmed down.
Yet…
Why was he so wary now?
"I suppose it's better to break the news, but…" started Ritsuka before he looked at the director with regret. "We saw no signs of Lev being in this singularity. Not even a…" his voice failed. "Well, you know."
"May I come in, Miss Director?" asked Roman, who entered the holographic image. "We finished extracting and preserving the bodies of everyone that could be saved and…we are preparing the funeral for those who didn't make it. Yet, there was no sign of Lev. The only viable idea is that he's in the Singularity, but-"
Yes, Lev. Funny hat guy. The one who led all this mess. Heinz started to look around.
"Doctor…is it true that Lev orchestrated the sabotage of the pods?" asked Mash uncomfortably.
"...I wouldn't know," says the man, frowning. "Only Olga, Heinz and Perry investigated the matter. But…"
"It can't be," said the saddened director, denial in her voice still there. "It simply can't be. Why now of all times? Why would Lev do that?"
"Does it matter?" asked Ushiwakamaru. "By what we got, he's probably dead and carbonized in some place in this city."
Suddenly, the mad scientist stilled in a random direction.
"I wouldn't be so sure," said Heinz loudly, his wary stance earned the attention of everyone else.
"Why is that?" asked Atalanta carefully.
The man pointed dramatically to the end of the cave.
"Because he's right there!" Everyone turned to the spot he pointed at.
Silence. Cricket noises. Then…
"Fufufufufu."
The elegantly dressed figure of Lev Lainur stepped ahead, smiling with eyes closed.
"Oh, my. What kind of magus are you to see through my camouflage?"
"...actually, I just noticed a funny rock that looked like you while wearing a funny hat and thought you were hiding behind it."
Indeed, on Lev's side, there was a massive rock with a prominent rock part that held a vague resemblance to a top hat.
"It does look a bit like me," admitted the man thoughtfully, before shrugging off. "No matter. How are you doing Ol…"
The man began to speak, before noticing Olga was only present as a hologram.
"What are you doing there?" he says, sounding surprised. "I could swear you were in the room with the rest of us."
His voice seemed…disappointed?
"Lev," she answered with some stuttering. "It's good to see you well."
The man in the top hat seemed to recompose himself quickly, but the damage was already done.
"Ah, the feeling is mutual," he says rushedly. "Good to see you in good health after that…dreadful…"
He seemed to finally notice Perry, who stared at him with a hardened look. To hammer the point further:
"Cut the crap," says Doofenshmirtz brazenly, crossing his metal arms. "The Evil Advisor routine got broken up when you decided to take a souvenir from Perry."
"Ah, yes," said the man. "That is one step to explain what happened. I do remember Olga was going to talk to you about…dismissing you."
"Wait, what?" asked Heinz in a surprised tone, unprepared at that revelation.
"Not important," retorted Olga bluntly. "Professor Lev Lainur. Since the days my father was director of Chaldea, you were one of our most reliable allies. The creation of SHEBA was your magnum opus, a core gear for Chaldea's operations."
Silence. Then…
"Tell me. Tell me that Heinz's thoughts of you are wrong, that this is a big misunderstanding," The director's voice had the tone of begging, of refusing to accept what was right in front of her. "Please."
Mash looked at the man. Not a present figure in her life, but someone she thought was admirable, a man to look up to and respected through Chaldea by his prowess and ability to deal with the Director's hard personality.
"Professor…?" she questioned.
There was some expectation - even from Heinz and Perry's part.
Then Lev let out a chuckle.
"Fufufufu…Fufufufu…FUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The maniac laughter that blew from the magus tensed all the present figures in the cave, and quite a few in the Command Room.
"This is no laughing matter, Lainur!" said Romani, looking outraged. "Tell us this is a big error!"
"Excuse me," says the man, opening his eyes. They looked as truly sinister as his smile. "I just laugh at the lengths you humans go to avoid facing the truth of your situation."
"So you did set the bombs?" asked Ritsuka, horror starting to swell on his throat.
"I did., Lev answered, unshameful. "All on my lonesome and below the noses of every single man and woman in Chaldea," confirmed the magus.
"...no, no, it can't be," said Olga in disbelief, shaking as her hopes began to die. "Lev, please, this is no time for jokes-"
"Shush, petulant doll," demanded the man in cold harshness, startling her. "Can't you see that adults are speaking here?"
"Doll?" asked Ushiwakamaru, her eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Indeed, Servant. Olga Marie Animusphere was nothing more than my plaything," he said proudly. "It was so incredibly easy too. Oh, the wonders of the magi society. Give them enough reasoning, and they'll turn against their allies in a heartbeat. Sure, I didn't expect her daddy to die so early but look at how well things worked out."
"Y-you…" gagged Olga, in shock. "Y-you did…why?"
"To get close to you, of course," said the man, his smile widened further, showing his teeth which turned inhumanely, three-sided sharp as a shark's. Hungry for meat in the water where Olga bleeds and drowning in. "To become your loyal henchman, your most reliable hand…to gain control over Chaldea. If it wasn't for me, this organization would have crumbled apart on the day Marisbury died. Yet, to strike down all that opposed our great plan, it was better to keep it all together and then blow it away."
Olga seemed to grow wearier and wearier by the minute.
"Lev-"
"Oh, and then there was you, my pet project. A small little bird that sang all the sweeter when on its lonesome. I gradually isolated you, and made the employees see you as more aggravating than ever. In short order, to make you the most hated figure in the installation," he put his hand in the hat. "Oh, and it was all supposed to end in the explosion. See you praise wonders of those loathsome Masters and, in the moment the most prized collection of them entered the Coffins, to blow all your dreams and hopes away. The sweet taste of despair felt as the fire consumed your mortal form, as our great design went on with no hitches!"
Silence.
"Olga Marie?" asked Ritsuka concerningly. The woman was paralyzed.
"Lev…" she said weakly.
"Ah, that expression on your face: it almost makes it worth it to see my plan foiled!" said the man cruelly. "The realization that all you knew about me was nothing but lies. Those tears running through your face. Oh, poor little doll, what happens when the master of strings cuts them and makes you fall-"
THWACK!
Silence.
"I get that gloating is the way villains use to show off, but, by the love of God, stuff it, tophat."
Everyone stared shocked at Heinz, who let out a strong straight against the magus.
The scientist's prosthetic arm extended like a mechanical crane, hit right in Lev's face as if it were a comical extending boxing glove you expected to see from any cartoon.
"Like, we get it, you are vile, you played us like a damn fiddle, yadda yadda," said the man, clearly unimpressed, annoyed, and quietly angered. "I ran through all the steps before, yet you use lines so generic that there's none of the charm and have all the traits that make the hero want to punch you in the face. Hey, Rider! You want to punch him in the face, right?"
"Yeah!" "I want to cut off his head!"
"...right, two Riders," said Heinz. "You agree with my point though, right Perry the Platypus?"
The aquatic mammal reflected over the subject for a second, before nodding.
"See? Even he thinks it was boring."
"...are you done fooling around, heathen?"
Lev grabbed Heinz's extended arm.
"Oi, what are you-"
CRANK!
With a single push, he split the metal arm from the rest of the body.
"Hey, I just built-!"
BANG!
Heinz was sent flying as the metallic arm was used as a bludgeon by Lev.
"GYU!"
Enraged, Perry flew to intercept the aggressor magi, attempting to kick him in the neck. However, not only did he catch the blow, he then pressed his grip against his ankle.
CREACK!
The sickening sound of bones being broken echoed through the cave. Lev then launched the mammal away.
"Master!" shouted Atalanta, running to catch him before he fell.
"You-!"
Both Riders charged against Lev, who just smirked and-
BOOM!
Ritsuka couldn't tell what happened after the flash of lights, but the next thing he remembered was Mash catching Ushi with her shield, while Iskandar was sent crashing against the stone wall of the cave, unconscious.
"W-what the hell?!" roared Romani. Complete confusion and disbelief he felt as others did. "This is impossible, Lev is just a normal magus! How could he manhandle Servants in the blink of an eye?!"
"Guh…Mash-"
"Fujimaru," said Lev, smiling. "Order Kyrielight to move from her position, and I'll blow your head off - and hers, too."
The boy almost ordered his kouhai to attack, before hearing Olga's voice.
"D-don't!" she gagged. "We - we are-"
"Oh, you are doing nothing, little Olga," sneered Lev, grabbing Heinz by the collar. "And neither are you, puny doc-"
CLANK!
"Don't harm my frenemy, you little-!" yelled an incensed Heinz, trying to punch Lev's face, to little success, until the magus grabbed the arm and ripped off his socket, leaving Heinz once more armless. The scientist groaned.
"Ah, come on, those were low quality but I put effort into them!"
"Don't you ever shut up, clown?" asked Lev coldly.
"...no?" said Heinz.
"Good, let me shut you, then," said the man, his lips turned into a fiendish smile. "Did little Olga tell what happened to the outside world?"
"Don't you dare!" screamed Olga in despair. "You, don't you dare-!"
"The spacequakes? What happened?" innocently asked the man.
"Oh, so humans could discern what happened to them? I guess even my king underestimated their wits," commented the magus, before barking. "Oh, it doesn't matter. They are all dead, anyway."
Silence.
"...what?" asked Ritsuka in a low voice.
"Oh, you didn't hear wrong, boy. Dead. All of them, down to the last one. The world, but a blank canvas for the whims of our lord. This is the ultimate plan for mankind, their Incineration!"
"...you lie."
He turned to Doofenshmirtz.
"You can't…you can't be serious," he huffed. "All of humanity? Gone on a snap? You have to be lying, not even I could create an Inator that could do a thing on this level. You lie."
"Oh, but I don't. Isn't that right, Olga?" said Lev in a sickly sweet tone.
The woman in the video gagged.
"I-I-"
"Oh, so delightfully magi!" he guffawed evilly. "To not worry your dear workers, you hid the fact that all they fought for is gone, lost to the fire. Oh how so noble, oh so kind of you! I applaud you, Olga. For once, you did a service without requiring my guiding hand to-"
"Shut up."
"Hm?"
"I said, shut up," growled Romani, pushing the near-catatonic Olga out of the picture. "I had enough of you torturing Olga. So shut up!"
"Oh, the good doctor has a backbone!" mocked Lev. "Oh, what are you going to do? Stab me?"
"...who?"
"Hm?"
Lev turned to Heinz. He had his eyes closed.
"You said someone is ordering this whole mess. Who?"
"Hmph," huffed the magus in green. "What does this matter to you?"
The eyes of the Master opened. Cold, indifferent, shining.
"Because I will beat him until he returns my daughter or he dies."
BANG!
Something slammed into Lev's head from behind, making him release Heinz in pain. The magus turned to face…
A flying metal arm. The same he had previously used as a bludgeon as a matter of fact.
The shock was so much he left himself open to an uppercut from the other flying arm, which connected straight in the chin.
"Doofenshmirtz?!" asked Ritsuka, he and the others looked shocked at the turn of events. "How are you doing this?"
He looked at the boy, eyes dead serious.
"I don't know. But I'm not stopping now."
The arms put itself in front of Heinz, in a boxer-esque position. Lev dusted himself out and tried to charge against the Master, but the left gave a throat chop on him, while the other went for the stomach.
Left, right. Right, left. Down, down. Up. Lev and the arms went into a dangerous game of tag, right until the magus managed to snap his hands around the metal and crunch the two structures. He glowered.
"Enough of your silly games, I'll-"
Then the metal twisted around his arm. Lev tried to get rid of it, but it was too late: he now had two metallic bracelets around his forearms, piercing his flesh.
"This is the Stop Hitting Yourself-Inator!" Heinz said, glaring. "Let's see how you like it!"
Lev frowned and he tried to advance.
BANG! His arm slapped his face. Then the other. And the other. Each time he wanted to do something else, he got hit in the face by his own members.
"It's switching your brain signals to always give the order 'Punch your face!' Come on, take some of your fists, jerk! Hit'em, hit'em!"
Yes, Heinz wanted to hit that bastard, to get the answers of who-
It was so hot…
"Urgh!"
He held his stomach in pain, falling to his knees. The bracelets around Lev's arms likewise fell.
"Now you've done it, impudent manchild!" snarled Lev, grabbing Heinz by the neck and lifting the man in the air. "I had enough of your antics!"
VOOM!
From thin air, a portal appeared showing…
"CHALDEAS?! And it's bright red?!" asked a shocked Romani.
"That's the result of your efforts to achieve our goals: behold, ye mighty and despair, for it means the total extinction of the human race on the surface of the Earth!"
He gave a toothy grin to Heinz, who struggled under the tight grip.
"In case the brat survived the explosion, I planned to give her a most ironic end to her interim as Chaldea's director by throwing her against it…but you angered me enough that I'm willing to go for some quick satisfaction." Lev's grin widened, and an evil glint shone in his eyes.
Heinz shivered as he felt his body being pulled.
"What is that?!"
"Tons of data compressed in an anomalous space. In short terms…"
"...the closest thing to a black hole Earth has ever had," said Olga, haunted. Like hers, the others' horror also grows rapidly by the looks of their faces.
Heinz's eyes widened.
"Farewell, pain in the ass." The magus cheered nastily.
Lev threw him. He heard the screams of Ritsuka and Mash-
A green blur pushed him away from the dimensional tear, and then launched three projectiles against Lev's chest.
"How did you…" started Lev, before looking at Perry, now guarded by Ushiwakamaru, the last seal on his back disappearing. His eye twitched in annoyance. "Right, those damned things."
Atalanta put Heinz, who was huffing heavily, on the ground and drew her weapon once more, glaring at Lev.
"No matter," said the magus, still confident. "I can fight everyone here and no one would be able to stop me."
"Then how about me?" The man with the big hat stilled, his smirk froze on his face.
The eldest Master blinked at the familiar voice, his heavy panting stopped.
'That voice…'
Heinz turned to the hologram held. In there was the glassless, very peeved figure of…
"Miss Aozaki?" gasped Mash, stunned.
Indeed. Her hair was a bit messy and her coat was missing, but that was the body Heinz had stored in his room for the last week. Part of him wondered how taking out her glasses made her expression more stern as if they served as a leash to a rougher temper.
Lev's smirk finally died down and was replaced with an astonished expression.
"You…how did you…?" blabbered the magus in green.
"Seems you didn't plan it all if you managed to miss me…" she narrowed her eyes further. "That's weird, I can't identify who's speaking now. Gaison? Uvall? Mysterious number three?"
Lev coughed on his fist, recovered from the shock.
"We are now beyond such stamps," said the man, looking at her with indifference. "Consider this: the man you knew is dead."
"Yeah, I can't imagine either of your faces pulling a stunt of this level," she said angrily. "I'm almost tempted to go down there, punch you in the face then torture the truth of what the fuck you did out of your mouth."
He scoffed.
"A mere bluff. You don't know if you have the aptitude for rayshifting."
"I'm willing to test it!" declared the woman viciously…and this was what made Lev hesitate.
One thing was catching measly humans and some tired Heroic Spirits after a lengthy battle. Even Cú Chulainn, the famed warrior he was, didn't dare to charge against him, focusing on protecting the boy and the demi-servant. He had a clear edge, even if he admittedly committed a blunder in not checking if Olga was present at the party.
Touko Aozaki, the Red, though? She was perhaps one of the most menacing forces the Clock Tower had to offer, perhaps capable even of matching him in battle, and knew most of his playbook.
He closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them once more. He clicked his tongue with an unsatisfied look.
"Hmph. No more sense in futile fights. I shall provide my name once, Aozaki, and better record it. My name is Lev Lainur Flauros, responsible for the extermination of humanity in 2017. The properties of Chaldea protect you for the moment but allow me to give one, final advice as a former comrade of many of you. Give up. Live the final moments of your miserable life as you wish, for the future of this world has been erased."
And, with those ominous words, the man started to disappear, but not before trading a stare with Heinz. He gave a nasty snarl.
"I'll never forget this humiliation, Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Pray our paths never cross again."
And, a second later, he was no longer there.
"Wha- where did he go?!" Romani was again shocked. "That was a - but it shouldn't be - only -"
"No time to fuss over that," said Touko, her vexation for her target's escape disappeared as she looked at the medical doctor firmly. "We need to pull them from there! Hurry up, boss lady isn't in a condition to order your sorry ass around!"
"A-ah, right! Extract them!"
Masters and Servants alike saw a flash-
Like a castle of cards, everyone bar Cú tumbled on the ground, exhausted. If it wasn't for the dire circumstances, the sight of the great Minamoto no Yoshitsune being on top of a pile that had the small mascot of Chaldea on top as if it had conquered all the humans and Servants below him would draw some chuckles.
No one was in the mood for laughing.
"Are…are we still alive?" asked Ritsuka, moaning in discomfort while managing to disentangle from the mount.
"Well, you're certainly still breathing, so," said Touko bluntly, before looking at the Servants. Her expression was dry. "So these are the mightiest type of summons…honestly, not impressed."
"We've seen better days," said Iskandar, taking the dust off his clothes, then picking Heinz up and helping him get on his feet. "The one in the green hat was a more fearsome foe than expected," he paused. "Did you truly expect to win a fight against him?"
"Yeah, pound him into a paste. Why?"
Atalanta slapped his arm.
"Read the room," she scolded, looking at the men and women around them. Some were relieved, others scared, and Romani held the woman in the hologram, unconscious. "What happened to her?"
"Stress and exhaustion," explained the doctor tiredly. "The reveal…I think it finally caught up to her, and it caused her to fall unconscious. Lev…to think that all we knew of you was-"
The people in the room had similarly grim expressions. Lev. A friend to some, a hero to many for his ability to handle the director…
And there were some worried glances at the woman, barely breathing.
"I…I need to take her to the ward. Can someone…?"
"I got you."
Cú approached and took the woman out of her arms.
"Oof, unconscious people are always the heaviest," he tried to lighten the mood, failing miserably. He sighed. "Just give me the directions."
With a few quick words, the Caster walked away with the woman.
Finally, came the question Romani dreaded.
"...was all of it true?"
Romani looked at Ritsuka, who looked like he was increasingly distressed.
"What…what that thing said," he questioned. "Is the world truly…?"
Silence. Then Touko said:
"I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It is."
"...liar."
She looked at Heinz. He had a deranged expression, one that even Perry had never seen.
"It can't be, it just can't be…I need to get to my room, to look at the data, to prove this is nothing but a big…"
He started leaving the room, only for Touko to put a hand in front of him.
"Doofenshmirtz, I don't think-"
"Out of the way!" he said brazenly, running armless through the installation. The expression on the magus' face grew resigned.
Meanwhile, slightly below her, Perry ran past her. A moment later, Atalanta followed suit, understanding the reasoning behind his worries.
"...doctor," asked Mash quietly. "What is happening?"
The man bit his lip, giving a quick look at Touko, who just shrugged. It was his call.
"I would like for you to rest before…but I suppose sometimes it's better to rip the bandage off early. Well then, as the current highest member of the staff available, I'll inform you of the current predicament."
Romani took a deep breath before starting the hardest explanation he had ever given to someone.
'It can't be. It can't.'
Heinz had blindly accepted what Lev said before. He did that without proof, only gauging on how the man reacted. It was a purely emotional decision.
He could do science now. He could look at his devices and prove that it was all a farce, a ruse.
He was in such a rush that he didn't notice his Background-Sound-Inator activating. Later, when he had time to think, he would recognize as one of Love Handel's more…somber works, something that came on a few months before they split: the aptly named Farewell.
Oh, brother
Have you ever thought how I feel
About you leaving me alone
In such a bitter tone
Perry was ashamed to admit he nearly broke when Lev spoke about what happened.
He had nearly fallen into the same trap as Heinz. On believing in such preposterous claims, on letting him get in his head. It nearly got his frenemy killed, the shock messing with his mind at a crucial moment.
"Hey, wait!" shouted Atalanta. Perry didn't listen: instead, he directed himself to a janitor room, and pressed his hand against the disguised scanner, unveiling the hidden elevator.
Right when it was about to close, Atalanta jumped inside of it, she was also filled with anxiety for the two kids. But Perry had no reason to worry. Those two surely found a way to avoid the whole Incineration thing from happening altogether, right?
Right?
This pain, so heart-searing
Two intertwined paths, splitting
We live in each other's heart,
But now we must come apart
He reached the room. For whatever reason, the door was blown off as if someone had hammered its way from inside, but he gave little care for that.
Heinz moved to his machines. He tried to use the power he used a bit earlier to trigger his machines, to no avail. Whatever it was, that exhausted him too much to use it further. So, only having his nose, he started pressing things with it. It hurt a bit, but it would dissuade his-
His eyes widened. The numbers…no, they must be wrong, they must be!
He ran the data thrice. And then another time. And many other times.
He…he couldn't accept such an answer. No, no-
Then he heard the beep coming from his computer.
Why, why, why
Why did you split from me like that?
Without you, I fall flat
Why, why, why
They reached the secret room. It wasn't nearly as large as Perry's previous base below the Flynn-Fletcher household, but it was still almost two rooms wide. There was a bunch of gadgets hanging in the walls - amongst them, a jetpack, some extra hook shots, and a bunch of brown hats for whatever reason.
Perry sat in front of the large computer that occupied most of the room, quickly clicking on the keyboard. Atalanta watched the affair, curious about what the mammal was doing.
A message appeared on the screen: ACCESS TO SATELLITE UNAVAILABLE.
Letting out a snarl, Perry attempted another thing. Another message: IMPOSSIBLE TO ACCESS TRACKERS. REBOOT SYSTEM?
Again. This time, many images appeared on the screen, with subtitles for LIVING ROOM, KITCHEN, BACKYARD, CANDACE'S ROOM, PARENT'S ROOM, BOYS ROOM AND HQ. All of them showed the same message: FAILURE OF ACCESS.
At this point, Atalanta noticed Perry was growing frustrated, as he tried a few more things in quick succession, desperately trying to find an answer for that.
The Archer caught something in the corner of her eye. One of the apps had a red one on the upper right part of the symbol. She pointed at it, and Perry seemed to have eaten a whole apple.
She didn't get why it was so important. What was the meaning behind that brown fedora?
Painful partings,
Heart-wrenching farewells
Oh those loathsome bells
That dictate endings
Touko watched from afar as Romani told everything they knew about the situation. The signs, what happened with Chaldea, her report.
The woman tucked on the coat she had put aside for a moment and picked a cigar. It was one of her favorite brands, but it seemed she would need to be conservative with them from now on. Picking the lighter, she lightened it and took a big, deliberate puff, before spitting out a small ring of smoke.
In the corner of her eye, she noticed the boy - Rizuka Foojimaru or something like that - nearly collapse on the ground like a puppet with the strings closed, as the full reality of the situation settled in. He mumbled things about his family, his little sister, and the friends he had in school. The girl, Mash, looked pale like a Dead Apostle but still managed to grab the falling boy.
Touko sighed. The life of a magus was a tough one, so sights like that were commonplace…
Yet, after so many years, she never did become fully numb to such plights.
OOOOH brother,
Why do you must leave me asunder
All the years of wonder
Were but a mere blunder?
"Agent P," said the voice of Monogram in static. "If-" the image glitched for a second. "Carl, keep it stable, dammit," the voice lacked the usual bite and had more of a pleading tone.
"...all set, sir," likewise, Carl sounded solemn, receiving a small nod from Monogram, who then turned to face the camera, frowning grimly behind his mustache.
"Agent P, if you're seeing this message…it means we're gone. And by we, it means…even I am not sure of what it means, but it started slow. In a few places in the Middle East, they…they started to burn away. And not in flames, it's as if reality started to be burnt to crisps. It then sped up tremendously. Your kids, created something to try and delay the cataclysm, so there's the-"
Another glitch.
"-the possibility of we still being alive, but things only grow-" glitch, glitch, glitch. "-fix it so these final orders can go, dammit!"
The image stabilized perfectly for a moment.
"Agent P. If this is the last time we see each other, I will give you my final mission: figure out the truth of what is happening to our world and bring the culprit to justice."
The Major saluted his employee - no, his friend.
"May luck be on your side."
And with that, the video ended.
Perry stared at the screen blankly. He then started typing desperately on the keyboard, looking at all the remaining options, looking for that little glimmer of hope.
"Master…" said Atalanta slowly.
Perry didn't listen, hastening his speed.
"Master."
He ignored her. It couldn't be, Monogram said they had found a way to delay that event. There was a glimmer of hope, they had to-!
"Master!"
He felt Archer pulling him from his seat. He tried to struggle against her grip but stopped when she saw her expression.
"You…you know the truth, don't you?" she asked softly. "All you do is…is to hurt yourself."
The platypus stared at the catgirl for a moment.
Then he started to cry.
A vulnerable, genuine cry he wouldn't let out even around Heinz. Yet, the pain of loss was there. Of not being around with them.
Of not ever saying goodbye.
Atalanta knelt beside her Master and gave him a helping shoulder. In their short struggle, the hat he wore flew, and from it the photos Perry had with his owners were in the ground.
OOOOH brother
You sadden your mother
By priving her from giving a lovely smother
What do we say to your lover?
OOOOH brother
We dread that clatter
Come back here, you wisecracker
Don't leave us in tatters!
Heinz looked at the computer. He had a program that automatically stored all the video calls he did in the machine. But that one…it occurred while he was stuck in Fuyuki.
Part of him didn't want to press the Enter button. That he would find terrible things if he did so.
Unfortunately…Heinz was used to terrible things. And so, he went ahead.
We can still hear that echo
Please return, silly gecko
Without you, we fall apart
Without you, we suffer endless strife
The video began.
"-pick up, dad, come on!" he saw the image of Vanessa, tapping her hand nervously against the wood of the table, before her eyes narrowed. "Who are you and what are you doing in my dad's room?!" asked the teenager, accusingly.
In the corner, he saw the image of a flustered Olga on top, who took a second to recompose herself.
"I am his boss," said the magus. "Who am I talking to?"
"Vanessa Doofenshmirtz," she answered, her face suspicious. "And you still didn't answer why you are in my dad's room."
Olga paused as she tried to formulate an answer.
"There was an…accident and your father is out of commission," she answered, half-lying. "I came here looking for something that could help."
Vanessa went pale.
"Is he…?"
"He's still alive," Olga quickly assures Heinz's daughter. "Calm down, I'm aware of the spacequakes happening, I was around when your dad spoke with those kids. Bring them here, maybe they can-"
Olga paused as she saw the look on Vanessa's face.
"Girl. What happened to the Flynn-Fletcher?"
Silence.
"...they're gone."
"What?!" screamed Olga, reeling with widened eyes.
"They're gone, alright! Me, them, and their other friends tried to make an invention to attempt to stop whatever is happening to our world because somehow it's going up in flames everywhere at once, even the things that by no means should be capable of doing so!"
She put her head between her hands, tears starting to fall.
"They managed to delay it. But, one by one, all of Danville got erased, and then our friends, as they tried to gather the pieces for the invention. The Fireside Girls got wiped trying to carry the raw materials, the skull-shirt boy and his Indian friend barely managed to bring some special materials before being lost, Candace and her boyfriend fell helping others escape…one by one we went down. And, right in the moment we finished putting everything up…it didn't do anything, and by the time Ferb tried to fix it, he and the machine got erased!"
She was hiccuping.
"Dad…in the last months he kept blabbering on how he 'broke' time, so I thought - I thought he could…"
Her voice failed.
"I…I'm scared. The machine we used to stabilize Danville is running out of energy. Phineas thinks we only have two minutes, but he doesn't seem the same without…Monty went looking for more things to use to power but…I guess it's only us. We are what remains of the rest of the world and…"
Olga gulped.
"I-it's going to be alright," gagged Olga. "I-I know some people, we can…"
"Please, don't give false hopes," said Vanessa, her tired expression showing resignation to their fate. HIS DAUGHTER'S FATE. "Just…I know Dad likes to record everything on his computer, let me give this final message."
The director gulped but nodded. Vanessa tried to put herself together and looked directly at the camera.
"Dad…I wanted to ask for your help, but I think this won't be possible by the time you look at this message. So, I'll say it once. Dad, for all the shenanigans you got through, for all of your fights with Perry, for all the parts of you that never fit well in soHerty…" her eyes went teary. "I loved, and always will, love you."
A scream from a child. Vanessa turned to look-
And the screen went white, and then there was only the image of Olga, her mouth open in shock.
He ignored the screams from the woman, as she tried to futilely enter contact with his little girl. Ignored her sobs as realization hit on what was just witnessed. Ignored her lifting from the ground and, weakly, leaving the room, ending the clip.
The final moments of Vanessa, of his little daughter, going down after losing all of her friends, of saying words she once refused to utter to others, in part because of not wanting to look bad in front of her friends, but mostly for there being no need to say what was already known. She said that because…
Because she felt there would be no other chance of saying so.
Someone…
Someone made his daughter cry. Someone killed his daughter and all other people outside of Chaldea.
BOOM!
His body burned. The metallic pieces around the room were blown against the walls, ringing metal against metal. He wanted to hit something, to curse so loudly that Satan and God would hear him and pale at the intensity and vulgarity.
Then, it stopped. All clanked to the ground, as the power which commanded them faded away. Heinz kneed to the ground, tears flowing freely on his face.
"Vanessa…Vanessaaaaa!"
He cried even after the song ended.
I am never ready (ready)
I can't ever feel steady (steady)
Can I ever again feel well (well)...
After our last farewell.
AN: I'm...not to say much during a chapter. I talk sometimes and all, but rarely put notes at the end. However, this warrants an exception to answer the question that everyone knows the answer.
Could have P survived the Incineration? Yes, yes they could...assuming they knew what was going on. Oh, the world was being set on fire, alright, but why? They could develop countermeasures for it, sure, but would they understand what exactly was causing this? And, the more important question...
Could they develop a Big Idea to stop Goetia before he popped in front of the duo and promptly erased them? Heck, Chaldea survived because of the nature of it's geography. Goetia won't let a pair of meddlesome kids clearly capable of resisting his top-notch magecraft with modern tech go away unscathed.
For months I agonized over your comments. Over people speaking about what they boys would do in face of the Incineration. No more hiding this. This will be one of the few times I'll be complete and brutally honest with you guys.
Phineas, Ferb, all of Danville. They're gone.
476
Underdog Emiya
Apr 22, 2024
View discussion
Threadmarks 10 - Mourning Star
View content
Underdog Emiya
We're still gonna make a champ out of you
He
May 14, 2024
#1,162
Chapter 10: Mourning Star
The funeral was held the next day.
Olga felt grim at the fact that there weren't as many bodies as there were dead people. Many were carbonized in the flames, and those were the lucky ones. Others were blown apart by being right in the space where an explosive was, and there were a few others that were crushed by debris in such manners it wasn't possible to lodge them in coffins. Those poor figures were burned to ashes and put in separate containers. Roman said 'It would be more merciful this way.'
Speaking of him, he and the remaining head - Ahmed, was his name - were pulling their weight in organizing this quickly, leading the efforts to clear away the rooms and recover the bodies. The final tally was that, barring Masters, around 70% of the staff was dead.
Seventy percent.
'Meanwhile,' she thought bitterly. 'I was stuck in my room, unconscious.'
The woman felt a hand touching her shoulder.
"Are you alright, girlie?"
She scoffed at the figure behind her.
"I am fine," she lied. "Why are you still here, Caster? Don't you have anything better to do?" her words had some bite to it.
Cú raised his hands defensively. The two were walking through a corridor, where the rite would be held. Olga didn't see the need to bring any clothes for such occasions, so she was only wearing her best available uniform like most of the staff was doing. Meanwhile the sorcerer had colored his usually bright blue cape in a more somber dark blue. Probably thanks to a rune, the girl mused.
"Well, I had this feeling you would appreciate some company, and heroes are the type to put their noses in other people's business, so here we are. How are you doing?"
She gave a tired glare. Her time of unconsciousness didn't do anything to make her less tired.
"Do I look well to you?"
She could have said much more, but she felt that what was said was enough to get her words across. The druid scratched the back of his head.
"Yeah, you had the shitty day to surpass all the shitty days," he said frankly. "Sorry about that. And that's without accounting about…that."
She didn't know if he was referring to Lev's verbal thrashing or about him not being human, but she nodded.
"Yes, that."
"...geez, you're upset, ain't you," said Cú, frowning.
"I just wouldn't rather think about the subject," said Olga in a final tone.
The Irishman nodded.
"Fair enough. Just know you're dealing with the inevitable."
Silence. The two walked in silence until they reached the funeral.
As she passed through the halls, Olga went silently, watching the people present with the corner of her eyes.
Cú joined the other Servants, who sat in the right corner of the room. Ushiwakamaru was wearing a black variation from her armor (Olga briefly wondered where she got that before dismissing the thought) and mumbled a few prayers. Atalanta looked the most solemn, not uttering a single word as Olga advanced through the hall. And Iskandar, having dismissed his extravagant cape…
He was looking at her. Olga didn't know why the man was interested in her, but she couldn't care less.
She passed through a hall of employees. Not all of them were in the room, but Olga knew most of them were: you could count on a single hand how many people didn't lose friends, plural, in the explosions.
Should she include herself in this group? Who knows. Not like the single bond she had in that place wasn't a lie anyway.
A notable figure absent was Romani: he stood behind to verify with a few members of the medical department to help those that still could be saved. Likewise, many of the engineers were also absent, although Ahmed was there, but it did make sense: of all the affected sectors, the Engineers were the ones who lost the most people, so Olga supposed the head was there representing everyone else from the group.
Leonardo was also not there, having locked herself in the command room as she finished the repair in their systems - meaning that, in a few hours, they would have a clearer picture of what caused the Incineration and…if it was possible to salvage it.
The person who was there, however, was Touko. The woman was sitting in one of the benches right in the corner, watching the funeral with hollow eyes. Olga wanted to ask what the hell was she doing here, but the last thing the Director of Chaldea needed was for another worry over her head - especially after-
No, she didn't want to think about that at all.
Taking her eyes out of the Red, she then focused on the last persons of interest she could name, sitting neatly one at the side of the other.
Fujimaru seemed as if he had a very disturbed sleep night, and who could blame him after being thrown in Fuyuki and then having that bombshell of news delivered to it after nearly seeing a man get murdered? Regardless, he tried to look the best he could and keep himself steady.
Meanwhile, Kyrielight was now back in her normal clothes - she could apparently call upon her Servant powers at will and the bodysuit she wore would overlap over her current clothes, much to Romani's relief. She also looked tired, but she spent most of time focusing on her new Master, making sure he was awake.
Perry sat next to them. He had a cautiously serious expression on his face, but his eyes showed he had shed many tears. His fedora was now black with a white strip, which she supposed was his substitute for proper funeral clothing.
And then…the seat next to him was empty. Where the final master of the trio was supposed to be. Olga didn't press the subject. Heinz deserved that alone time, even more after he saw the video. She gave a light glare at Touko.
'You knew what was there. It would have been better if I had erased it while I had the chance.'
It would spare much heartbreak if she had the hindsight of doing so, but now it was too little too late.
She stood in front of the crowd, between the small memorial they built with all the names of the fallen and the crowd. There were just too many corpses to fit inside a room, so they were currently stored in another room where their friends could visit them one last time before sharing the same fate with those already cremated.
Silence. Olga stared at the people in there, and they stared at her. She wanted to cower. To become an ant and crawl away from there, never to be seen again. Yet, she stood there. Holding her ground. With a gulp, she began:
"Today…today is a dark day for Chaldea. Today is a dark day for humanity. For the day we feared since the foundation of this organization arrived, and it brought forth fire and brimstone with it."
Silence. She continued.
"A man that I regarded as a friend…" her voice slightly trembled before her expression became stoic. "Lev Lainur. I regarded that man in the highest esteem and I was not alone in this regard. He had been with us since the start, when my father, Marisbury Animusphere, founded this organization. His expertise helped us in many fields, up to. and including, the creation of the SHEBA lens that allows us to see past and future. And yet…and yet, throwing away years of work, he allied with the shadowy puppeteer that engineered the Incineration of Humanity."
With the corner of her eye, she noticed Touko bit her lip.
"I…I wanted to know," she questioned solemnly. "Why do all of this? Why wipe away humanity? Why…"
'...Leave me alone?' Olga wanted to say, but her fist clenched. Lev was never her friend. He only saw her as a…
She felt as if a ball of fire bloomed in her stomach.
"We won't let his actions escape unscathed," she declared. "We will scour even through the depths of hell to figure out what Lev did and then deal with him," she said with cold intensity before it diminished. "Then…then we'll figure out how to bring humanity back."
The silent question was up in the air. 'What if there wasn't a way?'
Olga didn't want to think about it. She walked away from her position and sat on the first available chair for her, looking at the memorial.
No words were uttered until the end of the ceremony.
He didn't move in the slightest. He didn't ever since he was carried to bed by…someone. Heinz couldn't bother to remember who. Maybe Ahmed or Perry? He couldn't even bother to look at them.
He shifted in his bed, feeling exhaustion seep into his bones. The mad scientist couldn't close his eyes after what he saw.
That image played in replay on his mind, rent-free. At one moment she was speaking and in the next-
Part of him wanted to believe Vanessa was still alive. That Danville, a haven of eccentric and genial minds, managed to stay in the same place as always and that he could go back there and get talked down by his little girl for creating another invention to scare away the pigeons in the rooftop before they went to a cinema and caught an old flick to celebrate his return from Antarctica.
But no. He could tell.
She was gone.
His baby girl was gone and-
And he also nearly died back there. In another time that would be the most traumatizing thing of the day for Heinz - for Einstein's sake, he got almost thrown into an artificial black hole! - but losing Vanessa was even worse for him. Heck, he had been in the dumps many times before…
Yet, this time it hurt the most. That he wasn't there. Maybe if he finished his teleporter, he could have created something to stop the Incineration or at least to protect his little girl for enough time to bring her to Chaldea.
Squeak, squeak! He felt something climbing up his leg. Norm's Squirrel Core. It chirped at him.
"Go away," said the long-nosed man lifelessly.
The squirrel kept climbing his body.
"I'm warning you," he said coldly. The small animal kept his dance, however, leading to Heinz truly losing his patience. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He kicked the blanket away, pushing the small animal out of the bed. It didn't get hurt, but it certainly got quite the scare, judging by it's noises.
He felt guilt for a moment, but Heinz was about to put his head back on the pillows when he saw the remnants of his son.
Norm was a mess. As he had taken Olga's supposed position during the last moments of the briefing, he had been in the blast radius of Lev's explosives. His creation was rather sturdy, which helped the squirrel that served as his heart to survive the blast, but it essentially destroyed most of his systems to a point a lesser man would just have scraped the entire body and built something new.
Heinz was not a lesser man.
Lifting from bed for the first time in the last twenty-four hours, a bit wobbly as he still had no arms to lift the devices. His throat and eyes felt dry of sobbing, and his stomach begged to have something to digest, but Heinz gave no attention to his needs. Instead, he felt his body burn.
He stared emptily at the now-flying pieces of Norm. He felt a bit of curiosity at what exactly was his power - it was some sort of magecraft, right? So many things happened recently he couldn't care less about figuring out what he could do…and he had no wish to do so now either.
Leaving through the still-open hole in his door, he made his way to the engineering department.
Ritsuka wasn't unfamiliar with death in his life.
He had gone to some funerals with his family, even for some relatives he never did see much. But the one that marked him the most was the one for his World War II veteran neighbor.
To say Ritsuka was surprised to be invited was an understatement. The two talked a lot throughout the years, but the boy never thought the veteran valued him so much to invite him to such a personal moment. Yet, as he saw the man's coffin being lowered to the ground, he reflected on how life could be so…ephemeral. One day you were talking with someone and the next they were gone, returned to earth.
It did make life seem ever so more precious to be enjoyed.
To see so many lives be ended in such a swift and brutal manner was…disturbing for Ritsuka. Let alone without considering the Incineration of Humanity.
His family…his little sister…
Ritsuka missed them. He had gone to live in Tokyo in the last few years because he managed to get into a great school in the region for his kōtōgakkō, meaning he could only see them very rarely. He was only a few days into his vacation, and he barely had time to enjoy it, to live it with his family.
And now…they are gone.
He didn't feel as bad as Doofenshmirtz did, but that was because he didn't see his sister being incinerated out of existence.
Mash didn't seem to be taking much better either.
"..."
"..."
The two teenagers stood at a corner of the empty cafeteria. Most of the crew that wasn't working to repair Chaldea or treat the wounded was back in their rooms, likely grieving the loss.
Ritsuka took a sip out of his coffee - it was pretty good, although the machine seemed a bit too complex for his taste. Who created that anyway?
"...how are you feeling?" he asked quietly. "Did you lose any…?"
The girl shook her head.
"No. I don't…didn't have many friends," said Mash, her voice sounds soft but there's also pain in it. "The closest I had to friends around my age was Team A but…"
"They are still alive," quickly reassured Ritsuka. "Even if unconscious."
Mash paused for a moment before nodding.
"It feels like an ugly feeling but…it's what goes through my head," admitted Mash with a frown. "With that said, I knew many of those people for years, and then…then they were gone. I don't know how I should feel about that."
"It's a sad, but unfortunate truth of life: I have yet to find anyone who didn't cross paths with death once or twice in their lives, Fujimaru-dono."
The two turned their heads to see Ushiwakamaru, now back in her white robes, walk and sit beside her Master.
"Hello. I saw you two coming here, and I couldn't help but come to talk," she said with a sad smile on her face. "After all, I know well how the first death can affect a warrior's mind."
"Warrior," repeated Ritsuka in louder emphasis, his lips thinned. "Is this what we are now? I don't feel much like one."
"Any man or woman that fights for the things they want to protect is a warrior as far as I have a say in it," answered Ushiwakamaru. "And I suppose that as a Master, you'll be part of Chaldea's frontlines. Am I mistaken?"
"If there's any battlefields for us," answered the downcast boy. "As far as we know, everything but Chaldea is gone. What kind of enemy would we face then?"
The Rider seemed to frown at the idea, but Mash butted in.
"A-ah…I probably shouldn't be commenting on this so soon, but Da Vinci-san said her analysis sounds promising."
If Ritsuka wasn't tired, he would have been exasperated that another figure in history was secretly a chick - and wondered how that worked with so many portraits of Leonardo Da Vinci out there - but he decided to let out a sigh.
"Anything that could reverse all of…?"
"Maybe," said the Demi-Servant. "But…she doesn't want to get hopes up until she can confirm her observations, and she's letting everyone mourn over what happened. I only know this because I overheard her talking with Doctor Roman. I don't want-"
She stopped as Ushiwakamaru put her hand on Mash's shoulder.
"Mash-dono. Where there's hope, there's a way," advised the young general, being sanguine. "It may be a small hope, but it's better to take a chance and clinger to it than to never step onward and get lost in the dark."
The pinkette raised her eyebrows slightly, before smiling gently.
"Thank you, Ushiwakamaru-san," said the Shielder.
Ritsuka, meanwhile, took a deep sip out of his coffee before sighing.
"You know, I'm tired of being upset. We should mourn those that fell, but after twenty-four hours of shit getting thrown in my face, I need something to make things a bit lighter."
The Rider smirked as she tapped her hands against the table lightly.
"Ah, I can do this for you, milord! I have so many tales to tell! There's this one time brother…"
Touko liked to get worries off her head with work.
To not worry about things, people did many things. Some used hobbies. Others delved their heads into books, magazines, screens, and a whole bunch of applications with diverse uses to get their heads off their issues for a few hours. And a few rested, moving to the world of dreams to let earthly worries slither away.
Touko did all of these, sure. But she didn't have her trusty Game Boy Color to waste time or any other stuff she mentioned, not even a ball to hit the walls with. And not like she could sleep either: she doubted people would take well if she invaded another room to get a bed when most of Chaldea was either in coffins or burning to cinder, and she had no wish to get into a broom closet or entering Doofenshmirtz's room - not when he was like that.
So, she worked. Fortunately, the resident Caster had the foresight to keep the room where most of the magical components were held with tight security, meaning the explosions didn't get too many of it. All she had to do was to go in, grab what she wanted and then go to the currently empty engineering room to do what she wanted.
She smoothed the wood carefully with her tools, biting her tongue as she did so. The woman didn't have her usual tools, but it was alright. It should suffice for her purpose.
'...what is it again?'
The woman stopped on her tracks, looking at the half-unfinished piece and crossing her arms.
What was her purpose in creating such a piece?
Touko was a Puppet Master. Such designation wasn't for show: many in the Clock Tower claimed her as one of the best to ever exist in the field, to the point she had been target of not a small amount of ambushes from people wishing to obtain the secrets of her art. And how could she blame them? What she did was create puppets that are almost human in form and that she could hop from as if they were clones.
In short, Touko was effectively immortal unless someone found all the places she put bodies into and killed them all before killing her current form before she could fabricate a new one. And she did spread quite a few throughout the world.
Yet, a Puppet Master was no mere fabric of familiars: it was someone with a vision, that created extraordinary things with it's tools.
So…what was she creating?
Her heart clenched a little.
'Ah…maybe this is motivated by fear.'
Touko didn't know for how long she had been hunting that pest.
Right after waking in London just a few seconds after talking with Heinz - and cursing as it meant she left her last pair of Mystic Eyes Killers in Antarctica - she caught wind that Aoko had passed through London before leaving a few hours before.
Foregoing requesting for the retrieval of her puppet in Chaldea - not like it was going anywhere, the Animusphere girl probably heard what were her plans - the older Aozaki hastily prepared a new pair of Killers with some sunglasses she had around and left to get her target. She didn't take planes for whatever reason, deciding to tour through Europe on foot. Good. While the curse she put on her over returning to Misaki Town had long faded away, Aoko still held the advantage on that land between her familiarity with the land and her sidekicks, the witch and the freak.
Stupid dude, that basically blew all the hard work she put into getting a contract with Lugh Beowulf, and stupid rom-com dynamics between that trio…alright, she knew Aoko said she was in guys with Schwartzenagger's builds and that witch had the hots for that guy, but was only she that thought there was this weird-
She was getting sidetracked. It was in Portugal that Touko finally managed to catch up to her. The woman grumbled as she jumped from her cab into the streets of Porto. She wasn't a penny-pincher, but that hunt was taking quite a lot from her reserves.
"Tenha um bom dia, madame!" said the man pleasantly.
"Agradecida," she grumbled and throwing an extra tip to the man.
She marched quickly through the streets of the city. Like most of the big cities of Portugal, Porto was a coastal town facing the Atlantic Ocean. From the snippets she got during her trip, much of the economy of the city was around the docks of the city, alongside trading and tourism. At least it didn't smell like fish.
Passing through a mirror, Touko gave a good look at herself. She didn't use one of those in a long time, huh?
Usually, the Puppet Master had a very solid mold she used to build her bodies - it helped a bit in preserving her soul and to not rot away like some other magi that tried to live supernaturally long lives. While the shape of her body didn't change too much from one interaction to another, her appearance could be rather diverse from an incarnation to other, even if she had her preferred styles.
The model she picked this time was one of her more exotic ones. Blue hair wasn't exactly a common sight in any place, though she thought that the purple long-sleeved shirt and the white pants with matching boots was a nice touch. Not that she particularly cared for fashion, but she thought she looked damn good on those clothes.
'Small demonstration of narcissism aside…'
Her eyes scouted the streets of the city. Porto was not a small city, but Touko knew where to look. During her chase, she managed to catch rumors of something that seemed to be bothering the Church in the last few days, and that Aoko passed through quite a few holy places. And the Puppet Master knew her sister once in a while took contracts from them to get some quick buck.
Touko had to wonder what the Church wanted it gone so much they would hire the Blue Gunner to take care of it. Aoko was not known for being subtle, after all. It was a wonder there were no reports of terrorist attacks in the recent days, or gas leaks, or something in that vein.
Aoko usually received a lot less than what was combined because of collateral damage. But she had no record of her failing to get what she wants, so.
She stopped in front of her destination. Judging Aoko's move so far, she had focused on going to churches related to the Carmellte order, and Porto just happened to have a pretty big one there. It was pretty cool-looking, with the baroque style shining through it's design on the outside.
Touko cracked her fingers. All seemed clear for her. It was a risk to predict Aoko's route, but if it paid off, it meant she had all the cards in hand - just as she liked. It was pretty full now, so she would start by setting a Bounded Field to hypnotize anyone who entered to leave, then-
BOOM!
She closed her eyes, ears ringing from the sudden explosion to her right. A few people screamed terrified at the sudden blast, but Touko sighed. She should have known better than to tempt fate. Now all she could do was retreat and-
BONK!
A piece of debris hit her in the head, making her stumble to the ground. She grunted as her sunglasses went flying and she had to tap through the ground to find them, hearing the sound of explosions and the roars of some sort of monster until the latter was silenced.
Eventually, someone touched Touko's shoulder and she sighed. Most other people were running away from the explosion, meaning only one person could approach her. And, judging by the slight hum of magic circuits, her disguise didn't suffice to hide her identity, because she was the type of fool to let her guard down after finishing a enemy.
"How did you figure it out?" said the Puppet Master, practically ripping the sunglasses from her sister's hand.
"I gave you these," answered Aoko flippantly, a slightly smug smile plastered on her stupid face. "Two years ago, for your birthday."
Touko took a long look at them and sighed.
"No wonder they looked so cheap…"
Touko could have pressed further to get her revenge. She had enough time and the Church would hide the signs of their fight easily lest they accidentally blasted the Church behind them.
But Touko was hungry and thirsty. While such things couldn't kill her anymore, they still were very annoying to deal with, and with Aoko now aware that she was hunting for her, the older Aozaki figured she could try to solve things diplomatically for a change.
So, leaving the church behind, they walked silently to a small cafe a few blocks ahead and sat. They attracted some glances from the people currently in the shop, but Touko couldn't blame them. Even taking out the eccentric color of their hair - blue for Touko, red for Aoko - her sister was wearing a vibrant red leather jacket missing a sleeve, a white shirt marked with grey goo, and jeans that had marks of cuts on it and Touko herself had some dust in her clothes.
"What the hell were you even fighting against?" asked Touko, taking out her glasses and looking at the people in the coffee, using her Mystic Eyes to send a subliminal message to ignore them.
"Fucking Dead Apostles," she grumbled, carefully not staring her sister straight in the eye until she put the glasses back on. "The Burial Agency figured there were a few of the slithering bastards hiding close to some of their places and asked me to hunt them down and burn them to crisps. This last one was a pain to take down, though, so I had to be a bit more forceful."
"Hmph. Sloppy," grumbled Touko, taking out one of her Dragon Smoke cigars and litting it up. Her sister's eyebrow twitched.
"Oi, you know those are awful," griped the wielder of the Fifth Magic. "Don't smoke in my face."
Touko paused, gave a deep breath, and blew the smoke in Aoko's face.
"COUGH, COUGH - you - COUGH -bitch!"
The Red gave a dry smile. Part of why she started smoking Dragon Smoke was because she realized Aoko would hate it. Then it became an acquired taste, much to the displeasure of many of her friends and enemies.
"Oh, the mighty Blue, fell by a breath of Dragon's Smoke," taunted Touko, looking lovely at the cigar. "Why didn't I get you before?"
Eventually, Aoko stopped coughing, glaring at her sister.
"Being the absolute bitch as always?" asked the younger woman.
"I went to Antarctica because of you," snapped back Touko. "Antarctica! Quite frankly, wasting my money was already criminal, be glad I didn't decide to automatically go for first-degree murder for that particular stunt."
Aoko narrowed her eyes.
"Oi, don't play the innocent. You did this more than once to me, I have enough credit to say that YOU, of all people, can't talk shit about someone doing this to you," she gave a cocky smile. "Karma is a bitch, you know that?"
Touko huffed.
"You are lucky I found someone interesting in that place, else I wouldn't try to be pleasant."
"Pleasant? We kidnapped the whole damn place, we didn't even bother to ask something," said Aoko, snapping her fingers to the nearest waiter. "Oi, vê aí um cappuccino no capricho! Vamos lá, não tenho todo o dia!"
"Your Portuguese is crude," grumbled Touko. "Did you spend time in Brazil or something like that?"
"Rio de Janeiro has nice beaches," refuted Aoko. "But enough about me, who was the idiot that thought getting your attention was worth the hassle?"
Ignoring the barb, the older Aozaki said:
"There was this one guy, an engineer. A newbie there, I tried suckering him into showing me the place while I was undercover. He was trying to make the experience a bit more exciting. It turns out he was quite a good guy to talk with, even switched numbers with him! Sure he's in Antarctica, but…"
Silence.
"You're not suggesting you are head over heels for him, are you?"
"Don't be ridiculous!" snapped Touko. "He's not exactly beautiful, but I saw him take on none other than the Renaissance Man reborn in this world and match them toe to toe in a battle of minds and he also created incredibly fascinating machines whose some of the tricks used could help in further my art. He's nothing but a very interesting if somewhat gullible, hidden genius."
And now Aoko had her mouth wide open. In all her life, she had never seen her sister praise someone else like that - if any magus from the Clock Tower heard her praising a non-magus like that, they would probably burst a vein from the sheer outrage of the statement and swollen pride.
"Oh my god, I was only kidding! How did you, old hag, get a lover before I do?!"
"Not a lover, and this seems a skill issue," stated the Puppet Master, bluntly. "Now, I still want those monetary-"
"Cappucino," said the hypnotized man.
"Thank you," said Touko, picking up the cup and ignoring the short protest of her sister. "Where was I? Oh, right, compensation. Either cough up what you used up with my card or provide me with things to cover the value," she looked at her cup. "Though you at least don't have to pay for the price of a single cappuccino-"
A scream. The two magi tensed up.
"You did eliminate all the Apostles below the Church, right?" asked Touko, tensing up. A pattern of yellow transparent leaves started growing on her back, calling upon the power of the crest of many poor bastards who got kidnapped by her for that purpose.
"Don't be ridiculous, I'm not green nor willing to be lazy over this," countered Aoko, frowning. "Either the slithering bastard had some trick up his sleeve or something else is…"
Touko turned her eyes to stare at her sister for a second. It meant she didn't see it coming.
It was…weird to remember. She felt the heat first, unable to react as it flew to their direction.
She saw Aoko's shocked expression at the unreactable attack, the growing horror on her expression as her body seemingly turned to crisp it hurt it hurt it hurt-
At this point, she felt no more.
Touko jolted awake from the bed, taking deep breaths and touching on her skin, feverishly looking for signs of burns until she remembered it was a different body.
'I…I was sent here…' said Touko. 'Did my body…did Aoko…'
And that's when she noticed it was a very familiar room.
'Wait…Heinz's room?' she thought, confusion filling her frantic mind. 'So am I in Chaldea?'
…she was surprised, she thought her body would be in some dump or something like that. Either Olga Marie was not stupid enough to make her angry (good call) or Heinz was trying to be gentle…
Just to be sure, she checked to see any signs of…well, no need to say it. It was a bit awful to think of that, but Touko once switched on a body that some asshole decided to 'have some fun' and, though no one ever found his balls after she was done with him, it still made her more cautious on who to leave her puppets with. In hindsight, it was a bit weird she left her body to what was by all means a stranger, but - she shook her head. It didn't matter right now.
'Now that I think about it…I'm pretty sure my default backup these days is the one I left in the basement of the Garan No Dou. Did I end up here by accident because of the talk I had with Aoko? It made me focus on going here instead of there?'
No time to waste. She had a body placed on Madrid. It would take some time to get back to Porto, but at least it would be close and would allow to figure what the hell just happened.
Touko closed her eyes and attempted to swap bodies.
…
Quiet. Too quiet. When she tried to switch bodies manually, she could at least feel some of what the others perceived at the time. But now…
Nothing. In. The. Slightest.
'An attack on me? On my network?' she thought, tensing up. How could someone kill all of-
She noticed an open tab on Heinz's computer. A video, a recent one at that. Seeing no better thing to do, she watched it.
Five minutes later. Touko was not fearful to say her mouth was down on the ground.
'What. What?!' she thought. No, all of that sounded so absurd, so-! 'The director. I'll get my answers from her.'
The door was locked, unfortunately, probably for no one to see what she saw. In response, Touko reinforced her fists and started punching. She felt so much weaker. 'Of course, you do, if that video is right, then my facility was eviscerated. All of the crests…'
Growling, the Red went to work. She kept punching for what seemed like hours, until making a hole large enough for a person to pass.
"Now, to get answers."
Touko didn't like she felt the smell of smoke and burnt meat. That the halls were eerily empty and silent even though this was supposed to be Chaldea's big day, where they started to do their shit.
A noise, coming from the female bathroom close to her. Touko entered, located where the sound came from, slammed the door wide open and-
Silence. 'Well, what did you expect finding a person doing inside a bathroom?' the Puppet Master thought dryly.
Though Olga Marie should know better to close the damn door while doing her business. After a second processing what just happened, the younger girl shrieked and tried to push the much older woman away from the stall, her cheeks flaring red.
After that small…mishap, Touko practically dragged Olga back to the Command Room, giving quite the scare on the remaining staff. Then, after getting her explanation, she sat in a corner, observing how the whole Singularity F thing was going, right up until Lev appeared and decided to commit verbal violence…
And the rest was history. Yet, it was only the beginning of it all.
Fear.
Touko wasn't scared by much. She had seen a lot of weird bullshit that would give even some of the Lords quite a few nightmares even before she developed her puppet method…
But she would be lying that her magecraft wasn't a big reason in why she gave zero fucks to most of that shit. She didn't go out of her way to put her bodies in harm's way, but knowing there would always be another day for her played a big part in much of her mindset.
Death? What was that?
But now…now…she had only that singular body she dropped in Chaldea on a whim, the mother of all the lucky strokes. She had no clue on what the fuck would happen if she were to die here.
Her hand trembled slightly. Then Touko got angry at that.
'Stuff it, this isn't you,' she grits her teeth in frustration. 'To be a magus is to walk with death. Isn't that what you were taught so many years ago?'
Aoko would probably laugh at her right now, she could even visualize that red-haired brat laughing at how Touko talked big about being a magus and now-
She touched her face. A singular tear drop ran through her face. Touko snarled.
"I cry for that cow? No way."
She could accept crying for the people of the Garan No Dou because she liked those guys - mostly the Ryougis. Heck, Touko wasn't someone who liked children all that much, but she was fond of little Mana, much to Shiki's exasperation.
But for Aoko? Really?
She snapped her tongue and turned back to her work. Right, puppets. Unfortunately, she had no material to create a whole new body for herself, meaning she would have to do something else.
The woman tapped her fingers against the metal. What could she do?
Her mind went to one certain armless man in Chaldea, currently stuck inside his room. An idea came to her head. Her works usually weren't free but…
'Eh, what the hell. If anything, I can write a receipt for later.'
And so Touko jumped to work. She felt as if someone was about to enter the room a few minutes later, but when she turned there wasn't anyone there.
Perry…didn't know what to do now.
He always had something to do. Stay at home with the boys - sometimes participating in whatever shenanigan they had for the days with their Big Ideas. Receive some missions from Monogram - mostly about being around Heinz and whatever shenanigan he had for the day. From time to time, even be invited by some of the other agents to hang out.
No poker games, though. The last time they did that, it was a mess - though other card games were allowed.
Now…now he was all alone.
BZZT!
Well, mostly. Agent M was buzzing around him, having been unable to leave the complex before everything went to hell - a blessing in disguise.
Oh, and Atalanta was there as well.
"There" being the secret room below Chaldea. Only Olga - and probably Lev, if that even mattered now - knew of its existence, having been planted by the very efficient moles of O.W.C.A.
The platypus still wondered how they managed to dig through solid rock, but it was far from his greatest worry at the moment.
He sat in his chair, staring at the screen, waiting for something to happen. For the Major to pop up having survived and giving him a new slew of orders to account for his upgraded status as a Master and trying to figure some way to cover things to not raise too much suspicion on the part of Phineas and Ferb. Of Carl being his clumsy self and being yelled at by Monogram, but still doing his job well enough to keep getting those extra credits.
But no. Instead, he stared at a photo he had put on his initial screen. Of him and the brothers wearing helmets and riding bicycles - well, the boys were, he was in a small basket in front of Phineas' bike - while moving at high speeds, testing the boy's mobile camera. It was just a few days after he had been taken in, where even small things for them still seemed like magic for the young and impressionable special agent.
And it was all gone. A second it was there and then…
His hands trembled a bit. He thought he had recomposed himself after the breakdown yesterday. He couldn't remember showing so much vulnerability to anyone other than the boys in the Second Dimension accident. The closest he could think was with Heinz after he thought Peter the Panda was taking charge as the new archnemesis of the mad scientist, but even that was nothing compared to the Incineration.
At least he knew Heinz was still there, even if fighting against another agent.
Bzzt, bzzt. Agent M flew around his head, attempting to give him some solace. And all the while, Atalanta kept silent by his side, giving silent support and reflecting on some things.
Finally having some will to give proper respects to his impromptu guest, Perry lifted from his chair and pressed a few commands on the keyboard. A few seconds later, on one of the walls, a small fridge popped up and he moved to it. Inside there were a few drinks: water, cola, even some alcohol, but Perry decided to go for-
"What do you have there?" asked Atalanta suddenly.
He turned to look at his Servant, holding the apple juice box. She looked intrigued by it. The Master remembered some of the details of her legend - something about one of the men she challenged tricking her with golden apples to allow him to win the race for her hand. Hesitantly, he made a silent question: 'Want some?'
"N-no - I mean…" the Archer looked uncomfortable. "It's not necessary. I am a Servant, we don't need any source of energy other than what is provided by our Masters to-"
"Gyu," he refuted, pointing out what Rider previously said in the Singularity: why not have it for the sake of having it, then?
"King Iskandar is way too loose in how he takes things," countered Atalanta. "It's mere decorum that is asked upon our contract…"
"Gyu," he pointed at the whole room. Then, he made quick gestures that the huntress recognized as signs of courtesy. Hospitality.
She sighed.
"Of all things to bring up…" she grumbled. Even if she lived in the woods for most of her life, even she had to learn about the importance of being a good host, unless you wanted to be visited by Zeus almighty to be smitten. "You shall not let go of the matter lest I sip from this apple juice, right?"
Silence. The Servant sighed.
"Pass me one."
The secret agent threw the juice box at her, which she caught midair. Eyeing the box for a second, she eventually ripped the plastic straw out of the side and put it in the small hole on top. Then, putting her mouth on the straw, the catgirl drew some of the juice on her mouth…
"!"
She took the straw out of her mouth and looked at the box, surprised and delighted.
"It is…better than I expected," admitted the Archer. "Considering some of my previous impressions from the modern world, I was expecting this to taste more artificially."
It wasn't quite the taste of an apple, but Atalanta had high standards for the fruit.
Perry seemed to think about it for a second before pointing at the machine.
"Gyugyugyu."
He pointed at the machine, then at the computer - or the photo in it.
"Your owners did that freezer?" asked the woman. "But how did you…"
He pointed at one weird-looking machine with a paper tray close to it. She tilted her head trying to understand what that meant until she remembered some information from the Throne.
"A…copy machine?" said the Archer. "So you have a device that copies what your owners created? If that's the case, then what is so special about the freezer?"
Perry put his hand inside and started to take lots of different drinks - some alcoholic, more juice boxes, a small ice cream box…
"Bigger on the inside?" she risked it.
Perry made a "so-and-so" sign. He pointed at himself, forced a look of exhaustion - which wasn't too hard considering all that was happening in the last twenty-four hours - and pointed back at the machine.
"It has a lot of space, but its true power is to give people what they want?" she tried again.
The secret agent nodded before he looked back at the machine with some sadness. Atalanta bit her lip, seeing his bill tremble slightly. The huntress decided it was no better time to begin than now.
"I don't know much about magecraft. I traveled with one of the great sorcerers of my age but…"
Well, she really didn't have any business in asking Medea about sorcery other than when it was in the way of the Argonauts.
"...but one thing I learned is that nothing that comes from magecraft comes freely. This was a fact even during the Age of Gods when it was at its peak. Whether it be physical, mental, spiritual, or otherwise, there's always a cost to fulfill a condition to unleash a spell."
She paused, letting her Master absorb the words. She could see the platypus looking at her tiredly, wondering what was her point.
"My point is, a ritual of this scale must have a trick behind it. A condition enabling that the Incineration of Humanity becomes a possibility rather than a fleeting dream," she clenched her fist. "I feel shaken for its scope, yes. I can't stand for the fact that thousands of animals, millions of children…I can't stand they're simply gone."
She stared straight at his eyes.
"In Fuyuki, I promised that I would help you see your boys again…but now this is something I can't do alone. You are a spy of sorts, right? So, I offer you a mission: help me bring that world back. Please, Master."
Silence. Perry closed the freezer, took out his hat and looked at the pictures inside for a solid minute, Agent M zooming around his head in the meantime. Then he put it back and let out a growl to the woman.
To anyone else, it would sound like a threat. To Atalanta, though, it sounded like a complaint:
How dare you think I would ever step back at a time like this.
"Sorry," she apologized, but still being supportive. "But I felt you needed something to shake you off from this state," she lifted her hand to her Master. "For a world where children can live safely?"
A smile formed on that bill as Perry shook his new partner's hand.
SLAM!
The sound of liquid dropping back in a glass. Then, the swift sound as it was brought back up in the air and dripped into a throat.
GLUGLUGLUGLU-
SLAM!
Rinse. Repeat.
Cú was impressed: for such a petite girl, Miss Director could surely hold her liquor well, considering she didn't even seem tipsy so far.
Alright, he was having half of what she was having, but even then, half a bottle of champagne was a lot for a single person. At least a few of the younger warriors would start to feel tipsy.
And somehow the girl went and pulled another bottle from below the table and started to unscrew it. It was at this point Cú felt it was time for an intervention.
He, stopping someone from drinking. What are the odds?
Considering his luck, more likely than he thought.
"Alright, kiddo, let's stop before your bowels -"
"Clam it, Ghost Liner," said the director coldly. "As far as I can tell, I didn't ask for your opinion on what is best for me."
Bottle open, she started serving the drink before Cú launched a rune that reversed the flow of the drink and closed the bottle again. She gave him a stink eye. His response was shaking his head.
"Look girl, I like a good drink as much as any Irishman, but you're going over the edge. Drink a bit more and you'll probably get sick or something like that - and that's if you don't get alcohol poisoning."
"...that's the plan."
He blinked.
"What?"
Olga opened the bottle again, served another drink and chugged it.
"I don't have to justify my actions for you. But I put a letter in my room, it's in the closet, second drawer. It has all it needs to-"
Clang, clang, clang.
"May I come in?" asked Iskandar. "I would enter, but it seems it would be rude if I didn't announce my presence to the commander of this base."
"Sure enough, big guy," said Caster loudly, looking relieved. "I may need help here for some…stuff," he looked at Olga, who kept drinking her sorrows again.
The king entered, immediately catching the bottle of expensive wine on the table.
"Oh my," he said, his brows raised. "Certainly not of the quality of Uruk's wine, but not a bad one indeed," said the king, picking a cup and serving a glass for himself before taking a sip. He sighed in satisfaction. "Ah…drinking for the lost. I can't say I'm unfamiliar with such a scenario."
"...why are you here?" asked the Animusphere heiress bluntly. "To laugh at my disgrace?"
"Why would I do such a thing?" said the king with a shrug. "It's my first time encountering a leader of the modern world: I lost the opportunity to contend with Bush…"
Cú snorted at that.
"...but I suppose dialoguing with you is a good start…even if the circumstances for such dialogue are less than ideal."
"...you passed over the real leader of Chaldea," said the girl, her face flushed by the alcohol, then expressed with sheer bitterness. "He slammed you into a wall and turned coats on humanity," another sip. "You are looking at the figurehead."
Iskandar scoffed.
"He said such things to mess with you."
"He messed with me by telling the truth," said Olga with a growl. "Truths I knew deep in my heart, but never had the courage to face until now."
Silence. She continued.
"Look at me. I never asked for any of this, to lead Chaldea in some mission to save humanity. I was just a girl still in the Clock Tower, was still a student, before one day receiving the news my dad was dead and I was set to inherit his legacy, his Chaldea. Not Wodime, not one of his closer allies, me. From day one I fought against the wolves that tried to prey on his legacy, attempted to achieve his dream…and for what?"
She slammed her cup against the wood.
"I'm not even sure now why I did this. It certainly was not for love. Was it because Lev kept pushing me to that path when I always wanted to give up? Was it for spite? Did I have any genuine wish to save the world, or I did do all of this on a whim? Am I…am I even worth it of being Chaldea's director?"
She reached for the bottle and started to serve a new cup.
"Maybe it's better to simply drink my sorrows away and let everyone handle the rest. One of the remaining heads - probably Romani, he's been here since the beginning - will rise and become the new director…and the Animusphere legacy will live on when Wodime gets patched up. I will not be missed by no one."
As she lifted her cup for another drink, a strong hand ripped the beverage from her hands.
"Why, this isn't you speaking, girl," said Iskandar, taking a long sip from the cup before putting it down. "Think again."
"...it is the pure, raw truth," said Olga, pain in her voice. "I heard the whispers, the praise given to Lev. I heard the voices over my back, crying foul over me. That's the truth."
Caster snorted.
"Truth. Truth is something way more complicated than you think, girlie," said the druid. "If you keep with that attitude, I will certainly start to believe you're not up to snuff to lead."
"Because I am-"
"Do you remember the name of who survived?"
She looked groggily at the giant man.
"Wha…?"
Iskandar stares unflinchingly. "I repeat my question. Do you remember the name of the person who survived the explosion?"
"...that's around forty people," said Olga, grimacing. "There's no way I can remember them all."
Iskandar raised an eyebrow. The director sighed, but something compelled her to do so. She started with the ones fresher in her mind: Fujimaru, Perry, Kyrielight, that anger-inducing Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Some of the ones she saw more frequently, like the remaining heads, Da Vinci. She listed some of the engineers, the clerk from the record room, the operators from the rayshift, and…
And…
"Counted them all, girl. Nicely done," said Cú, nodding in approval.
Olga blinked. Did she…?
"What was the point of that? Will you now tell me that a good leader remembers the name of all under their thrall?" she scoffed. "Will you tell me you remember the name of every single man you ever commanded?"
"HAH! Nice joke!" barked Iskandar. "No, of course I couldn't. Contrary to you, I command tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands or millions, of men. To say I remember every man who fought by my banner is such a lie that the judges from Hades would dispatch me to the Fields of Punishment for such a lie."
"But…?" asked Olga slowly.
"Listen, kiddo, I will break down what the big guy wants to tell you," said Cú. Then he pointed at her. "You care."
Iskandar huffed a bit.
"A bit on the nose but…yes, I suppose it sends the point straight. Olga Marie, director of Chaldea. Would a bad boss remember the names of every person currently in this facility, instead of simply saying a number?"
"...a good leader wouldn't let things reach this point in the first place," said the girl, feeling overwhelming guilt again.
"A point I can't contest," he admitted. "But with that said, you are neither good nor bad. You are average at that, and this is completely fine," he scratched his chin, before saying: "Allow me to tell you a small story of my war. My master was a small runt., a young man who had been besmirched by your Clock Tower."
"...tell a new one," said Olga weakly.
"The fact you're not surprised is a bit worrisome…" commented Cú, shaking his head.
"Anyway," continued Iskandar. "This boy stole the catalyst to call me from his teacher and went into the Holy Grail War with an ambition to be recognized as a great magus. He was a pathetic thing when I first met him: brash, quick to anger, slow to calm, and all the woes youth bring to someone. Yet…"
Silence.
"Yet, what?" asked Olga, her voice almost a whisper.
"He had a spark. He had a drive. Maybe my words helped him grow faster than he would otherwise, but such traits were inherent to his person, my acts only helped to bring them to light. By the time I went to cross blades with King Gilgamesh, to try and charge onwards in a final charge for victory, he accepted to be my retainer, his spirit unwavering."
"What happened to him?" asked Caster. "Are you telling me you saw him become a big deal or something?"
The Rider shook his head.
"Nay. That day is when we last had eyes on each other. But my point is…director, that boy had much less going for him than you have. No lineage, no magecraft to call his own, he was but a cockroach in the greater scheme of things. Yet, I have full faith he grew to be a majestic man. You know why?"
The magus opened her mouth.
"Drive?"
"Drive," he confirmed. "You have the traits to be a good, maybe even great, leader. For you care. You don't see them as pawns, cogs, or whatever analogy you pick, but as persons. It may sound a little sappy but…well, just ask Caster. He was there to see what caring does."
"A big wasteland filled with buff guys," he joked, before putting on a serious face. "For real, kid. Killing yourself won't help. Wallowing in pity neither. You are here. You can make a difference. Grieve, cry, punch something. But never give up. Take this from the guy who kept fighting even when my guts were out to the world to see."
Silence. Olga looked at one man, then at the other. Then, her face slowly went green.
"Is she…?" started Iskandar.
"Nope, don't worry, have some experience with that. Here," he used a rune to summon a small bucket on the table, which Olga took and hurled into. "I suppose this is a good sign."
"How so?" asked Iskandar.
The Caster grinned.
"She lost her willingness to die."
Where. Where. Where.
He kept looking for a workshop. He couldn't use the engineering room. He didn't feel comfortable with others right now.
Where. Where. Where.
An open door. With a look, he saw it was some sort of personal workshop. His eyes landed on some sort of flying device that looked seemingly familiar, and there were some pictures and shelves filled with books and other devices, but he gave little care to them.
Marching, he tried to use his new power to push some papers out of a desk but felt nothing happening. With a snarl, he simply raised his leg to sweep them all away. He heard a small crack but gave little care to what was broken. He put Norm's pieces on it, feeling the heat fade away slowly.
Work. He needed to work.
Arms. He needed arms. No Perry to help, that was fine.
He looked around and his eyes caught a worktable with a few tools and, at the side, some baskets filled with diverse materials. Focusing on them, he levitated some thin metal bars and electric wires, putting them on the table. He would apologize later to the owner.
He grabbed some wires with his teeth and floated a metal bar to use as the 'skeleton' of the arm. After he did the first one, then…
He fell into a rush, attempting to connect wires with his mouth and use his powers to help build the new prostheses. Weaker than his old ones, better than the ones from Fuyuki.
He finished in ten minutes. With his new mysterious powers, he levitated the arm to himself and tried to connect it to the hole. He felt the connection and…
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Weird. He couldn't recall an invention of his that didn't do anything. It didn't even blow up! He detached it and spent five more minutes modifying the project before putting it again.
Nothing. Again.
Frowning deeply, Heinz proceeded into a session of trying to figure out the kinks behind the arm. Each time, he grew more and more frustrated. A day ago he could do that with no issue, why couldn't he do it now?!
The arm started to move. Heinz was about to let out a scream of triumph.
Then it started to hit him. Hard.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow!"
He felt the swells forming where the prosthetic landed, before, in a roar of anger, ripping it from the socket with his magic and throwing it into the ground. When it still tried to hit him, he opted to angrily crush the device with his legs, until it finally stopped moving.
He winced at his new wounds. It was not the first time he got hurt by his inventions, but the first in a long time caused by a defect before it's conclusion. Snarling, he went back to work, pulling more materials.
While the first time, he managed to get the frame done, this time he couldn't even do that. His head felt heavy, everything seemed incredibly hot, he was sad, he couldn't take that image out of his head, the stupid damn thing wouldn't work-!
BOOM!
He coughed at the explosion. Heinz grimaced. The resistors weren't enough to keep the system stable and then blew in his face.
He fell on his back, puffing and closing his eyes since…
No, he couldn't accept it, she couldn't be gone, she couldn't, she couldn't-!
Heinz nearly jumped from the bed as he woke up. He gave a good look around. The infirmary. What-
"Honestly, I was thinking of giving you some smacks for messing with my things again, but I feel this is far from the right time to throw this stuff in your back."
Da Vinci sat beside him, drinking from a coffee mug. Her hair seemed a bit messy, which the doctor thought was the closest indicator a Servant had of being tired.
"Wakey, wakey, Doofenshmirtz. Do you make a habit of getting inside another person's workshops? Getting in mine was like breaching through a five-star restaurant kitchen, you know."
Oh. He got why that weird flying thing seemed so familiar: he had seen the design of the ornithopter a few times when designing some of his flying machines, for inspiration.
"The engineering room was busy and…I wanted to be alone," he admitted in the lowest spirit. "Sorry. Wasn't thinking straight."
"Do you ever do?" she asked with some humor. "Most of the time I feel your line of thoughts go through some interesting loop de loops. Maybe this time it took the shape of some non-Euclidean shape or something like that."
Under any other occasion, Heinz would love to barter with his newest rival. However, he opted this time to try and lift from the bed, but the Caster stopped that.
"No, no. Romani asked me to keep you here while he runs some checks. You didn't get very hurt, but he also wants to check up on those who entered Singularity F. Ritsuka and your ornitorinco friend already came here, so while we healed your injuries, he's finishing checking on you."
"But I want to work," he protested. "I can't stay armless forever, I have to make new prostheses, do you know how hard it is to do things while being armless?"
He tried to leave once again but Da Vinci didn't budge.
"So why didn't you do it the first time? While you had Perry's help, you still created great and functional prosthetics according to King Iskandar's report, and my materials are of a way higher quality than what a mechanic would have in his office, what to say of a bunch of scrap. So the problem is not in the quality of the material, it is in the creator."
Heinz scowled.
"I do my inventions better when I'm angry, half of my life was making inventions to get revenge on those who wronged me! I should have done better than that!"
She touched his forehead with one of her fingers.
"Here's the problem: you are not angry, are you?"
His face went red.
"What do you mean I'm not angry?! I am livid! I am beyond angry! My house was burnt to nothing! All my Inators lost! The few people I didn't actively despise, all turned to dust! My daughter-"
He choked. The Incineration was already horrible enough but-
"You're not all angry. You are sad, Heinz. Probably beyond even that word can express, because you are a father who just lost his beloved daughter," summed Da Vinci. "And no amount of anger will overcome that feeling so soon."
"..."
The man had an anguished expression.
"I…I couldn't even say goodbye. I have a record of my precious treasure being wiped from the face of the planet on my computer…and I know I couldn't have possibly done everything, that I was stuck doing something else. But…to me, to do things people thought impossible was my breadwinner, my raison d'être. How am I supposed to sleep, to keep going, knowing what I lost?"
Da Vinci put a hand on his shoulder.
"What you're feeling…you are mourning, Heinz. You never felt that?"
"..."
Silence. The closest thing that came to Heinz's head when people spoke of "mourning", were the days after he lost Balloony, the closest thing he had to a friend in his childhood, but logically, part of him knew he was "free as the wind: " he could go whenever he wanted, and it would be fine. Not like balloons should live as long as Balloony did, it was honestly a miracle it took so long for him to pop.
Vanessa, though…she had her whole life ahead of her. A boyfriend he despised, but seemed loving enough and made her happy. Friends. A plan set for the rest of her life.
All of that was gone.
He didn't notice the tears flowing until Da Vinci passed a tissue.
"...she was the light of my life," he said, his voice breaking. "Even when she acted as if she didn't want me here, even when she didn't want me close, through painful times, she was there more than even Perry. If I hadn't had her…dunno, maybe I could have gone through darker paths."
He shuddered involuntarily. How many times had he been on the edge of going to the same brand of evil as Rodney, who was willing to put the Earth on ice to get what he wanted? Hindsight could be a terrifying thing.
"How? How am I supposed to continue knowing she may be gone forever?"
Da Vinci gave out a tired smile.
"Ah, uncertainty, the old nemesis of humanity," she shook her head. "I will give you some spoilers, Heinz: there is a way to bring them back."
Silence. The man's face slowly turned towards the Universal Genius…
"Tut, tut, tut. Get healed first, then get information. Until you can move-"
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
A wheelchair appeared on the side of Heinz's bed, a purple outline surrounding it. Then, a few seconds later, more devices were pulled: a heart monitor disintegrated in its fundamental pieces that assembled into the chair and two crutches split themselves in halves that allowed for the passage of electrical wires. Lastly, two metallic bowls deformed into the shape of enormous hands, which were filled with circuits from two other monitors.
When the project was done, Da Vinci was looking at a wheelchair with two rustic arms hanging from the back - arms that put themselves on Heinz's shoulders and lifted the man with tremendous ease into the chair.
"Alright, I finished the exams, he'll need to stay - LEONA, I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT MEDICAL EQUIPMENT WAS NOT TO BE USED FOR YOUR INVENTIONS!"
"I'll put it back in place later," said Heinz soberly, pushing the wheelchair past Roman, who just now noticed the very awake and determined doctor. He then turned to Leonardo, who witnessed the scene with mild shock. "What are you waiting for, I want that briefing now."
Half an hour later, all the remaining staff were cramped into the meeting room. Most were uncomfortable at being so close to the scenario of the disaster, but it couldn't be helped: even with all the losses, that was still the best place to reunite everyone to talk.
And what a talk it was, thought Leonardo. She had seen the mood in Chaldea for the last few hours, the despair looming through, the confusion, the fear of the unknown, the pain of loss. She could continue for hours, but she was no Dante to keep versing for hours to say simple things: Chaldea took a deep wound, one that would not heal so early.
As she walked through the corridors, she looked around the room. Most of the debris had been removed by the staff and some of the machines created by her and, after some quick reprogramming (she considered that payback for the coffee machine), Heinz's machines. CHALDEAS was spinning in the same position as always, now with many lights blinking in its dome.
Then her eyes laid on the public. Most of them had grim expressions, yet they betrayed some of the hope hidden within - that good news would come from that reunion. She hid a small sly smile at seeing young Cerejeira Elron and one staff member holding hands together - good to see love could still flourish even in situations like that.
Olga Marie sat in the front, attempting to look dignified and failing because of a sudden wave of hiccups. Cú Chulainn was beside her, holding the director by the shoulder. Poor girl, having so much thrown into her back - no wonder drinking became one of her hobbies.
On the next row, Ushiwakamaru sat beside Ritsuka and Mash. Their expressions showed a bit more hope than the others. The Rider tried to keep a solemn expression, but her twitching leg betrayed her feelings, like how a dog's tail could tell much of what they thought - a rather appropriate expression, mumbled the inventor. In the same row, Romani and the other remaining head, Ahmed, sat together, from time to time launching worried expressions to the man in the next row.
And, right in front, there was him. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, followed by Iskandar, Atalanta, and Perry - who seemed to be looking at a fly for whatever reason, Atalanta looking almost intrigued. But her focus - and Iskandar's, with some more observation - was on her rival.
From when they met a mere two weeks ago, Da Vinci thought the man always had an affable air…alright, not always, she was a bit mad for the first few days until she witnessed his small show in the engineering room. But from that point on, when not being petty, the man always had this air of being a welcoming person, for all his claims of being an "evil doctor." If anything, he looked more like a…
Pharmacist? No, that didn't sound right.
Dentist. Yes, the type of dentist that would treat children's teeth and then give a lollipop to them after.
The man she was facing, however? It had none of that. His posture was mostly straight, had none of that affable air, and instead exhaled determination…along with some despair. If the news were bad, she didn't know if he could pick himself up again.
Fortunately, they were…neutral. Good was too strong of a word considering what they were dealing with.
"I shall not waste the time of any of you," said Da Vinci loudly. "We concluded our investigation, and I won't lie: the situation is not good at all."
She clapped her palms. A PowerPoint appeared behind her, projected by a small flying drone. It showed the image of a timeline with seven red dots.
"To sum up what is happening, we are dealing with incredibly damaging Singularities to our timeline, which are affecting the Quantum Time Locks."
She saw Ritsuka's hand raise - of course, it was to be expected.
"Ahm…what does that mean?"
Some staff stared at Ritsuka, but Da Vinci rolled with it.
"Now, now, the ragazzo only got here yesterday and was thrown into the fire, he needs to know what we're dealing with. I suppose Mash already explained the Singularities to you, so I shall focus on the Quantum Time Locks. Think of them as…fixed points. Moments in history that, for one reason or another, defined human history. The Roman Empire, the Fall of Camelot, the Industrial Revolution, and more, all of these are moments that changed the course of humanity as a whole, and for magecraft in particular. A constant in our timeline."
"Gyururururu?"
Da Vinci looked at Atalanta.
"Like something out of a comic book?" she translated.
"Hm…I wouldn't know what to tell," she admitted. "But I will take your word for it, ornitorinco. Usually, if a Singularity happens around these points, they tend to correct themselves, as they are much more resilient to alterations. However…what happens when one manages to settle there?"
Silence.
"Is this one of those rhetorical questions, or…?" asked Heinz.
"It is rhetoric," said Olga bluntly.
"Oh."
Da Vinci continued.
"Breaking through a single Time Lock would already affect the present enough, but we detected seven large-scale Singularities at different points in the timeline. The running theory is that the Incineration comes from these being broken."
She tapped back on the image.
"The crumbling of these locks caused a cascade effect that resulted in the complete obliteration of Human Order, with us being spared thanks to Chaldea's unique location turning into a small Singularity…but I fear to say it won't last. With the ways things are, we have at worst one year before these big singularities reach a critical level and we get erased as well."
"So what do we do?" asked someone fearfully, raising its hand. "Wait and die of starvation?"
"We do what we were always meant to do," declared Da Vinci passionately. The image shifted, showing diagrams of some of the devices around the base. "We lost much during the explosion, but CHALDEAS still stands. SHEBA still stands. LAPLACE still stands. The FATE system still operates perfectly. And, above all…" she gave a poignant look at the front rows. "We have Masters."
Ritsuka gulped slightly. Perry crossed his arms. And Heinz's mood didn't change in the slightest.
But the greatest change was in Olga's disposition. From despondency, she changed into a familiar game face. Her "boss" face.
"What we are always meant to do," said the magus. Her face showed conflict for a moment, before putting on a mask of resolution. "Thank you, Da Vinci. Was that all? I would like to…share a few words."
The Caster had a few more things to say, in fact, but nothing Olga couldn't say herself. So, she gracefully stepped away and let the younger girl take center stage.
For a moment, she stood silent. Then, she began:
"I know I was not liked here."
'A choice of words,' thought Da Vinci. But it was telling that no one bothered to deny it.
"Lev…he may have said it was his work that put some of that hate in your heads, but I don't believe he can make emotions brew out of somewhere. Regardless of how he acted, some of you may still dislike me despite that…" she paused. "And that is fine. Hate me, despise me. Call me with whatever words you want, but do so under one condition: to never give up."
Silence. The staff looked at each other.
"For years, Chaldea has selected the best of the best, the cream of the crop, to fight against this specific scenario. We lost much, but we are what remains: the final bastion of humanity," Olga grits her teeth. "I am tired. For the last few hours I was attempting to drown my sorrows with the last Carbenets of humanity over the treason of what I thought was the one person who would never turn his back on me, and I'm tired! I'm angry! I should have been a leader, and instead acted like a child who lost sight of her parents!"
Olga kneeled.
"The road ahead…it is a path that none of us can predict where it'll end. In success. In failure. But, as the last embers of humanity, it's our duty to see through what happens next and fight for the rest of it. So…don't give up. Don't give up…"
'...on me.' She wanted to add. But no. She had made that resolution once before, right?
She would bear all the hatred in the world if that would help save humanity.
No one clapped. No one let out whistles. Olga expected none of that. Her only response was the solemn air, of people accepting her singular request.
"The Saber of Fuyuki…she spoke of a Grand Order," said Olga. Then her voice boomed as if it were a gong. "This is the journey we must undergo. The Grand Order against the Incineration begins now!"
Heinz was the last to leave the room. His head was spinning.
Not all was lost. His little daughter, his previous life…they could be recovered.
"Master? Are you alright?"
He felt a bit of surprise on not noticing Iskandar's shadowing over him.
"Drop the Master bit, just call me by name," said the man tiredly. "I am…a bit filled with ideas."
The king nodded, walking as the wheelchair moved through the corridor.
"...there is a chance," he said. "A chance to bring back my daughter. And yet…well, I'm no stranger to dangerous situations nor is Perry, but we barely survived in that place. And if I'm right, those kids will have to put their necks on the line. Kids, Iskandar, barely older than my daughter."
He felt the mark on his back shaped like a…he had to give a look in the damn thing at some point. But he felt it engraved in his back.
"How? How can I feel good about this?"
The king hummed over the matter for a second before answering.
"The truth is, you shouldn't," he said. "It is a sad affair that kids have to put weapons and brace themselves to fight. But they proved their mettle in battle. They are capable of standing their ground."
"It is never about that," said Heinz, frowning as memories flashed in his eyes. "I was there, I saw them do their stuff. And you should see the Fireside Girls of my city, they were a sight to behold. It is never about competence: it's about assuring they don't have to get their hands dirty, not lose their innocence."
"Do not be too self-centered, Heinz," reminded Iskandar. "They too lost their homes. And, no matter what you say, any person that lost their homes has the right to fight for the sake of them."
"...a bit rich coming from a conqueror," pointed out Heinz.
"Perhaps," recognized the Rider. "It doesn't take the value out of my words though, does it?"
Silence.
"As I thought," remarked the red-hair, with a sad smile. "I missed that light in your eyes."
"What light?" asked the man, touching them. "It has been months since I removed the inner lanterns, those didn't do crap to me!"
"The light of ambition," finished Iskandar. His Master looked at him confused. "Since the moment we first met, you had this stare. Of someone who doesn't stop until it gets what you want."
"I wouldn't say that," said Heinz modestly. "I never managed to conquer the Tri-State Area…well, I kinda did a few times, but dunno if those count if I got to be my old self at the end of the day."
"A fellow conqueror as well? And you said we couldn't be more different," laughed the King of Conquerors. "Well, I suppose if you didn't keep it, then it was not what you truly wanted, was it?"
"...no," admitted Heinz, slowly nodded. "I suppose it wasn't."
"Yet, that light remains," encouraged Iskandar. "Keep it for as long as this journey takes, Master. Those that keep seeking…eventually shall find."
The man walked away, leaving Heinz to reflect on that - well, until a hand touched his shoulder.
"Oi." He jumped.
"Ah! Where did you pop from?!"
"I was right in the corner," said Touko, pointing at the end of the corridor. "I finished my work and saw you speaking with the big, tall, and red. Thought it would be better to leave you alone."
"Ah…" Heinz relaxed. "Yeah. Thanks, I guess."
"Good. Now, stay still and shut up."
Only now the man noticed the large packages she had in her back. Once she unfolded one of them, he saw…
"An arm?"
"You seemed to be out of one, so I decided to take it upon myself to correct that," she stated.
Heinz had enough mechanical skill to recognize how they were things of beauty. The articulations, the good quality of the wood, the weird socket for the arm.
"It's not my best work, I must say," replied Touko. "It was the best I could make with the available materials and with eye measures, and I am still preparing the artificial skin to put over them. With that said…well, have a taste of it."
Heinz looked at the arms with a doubtful expression.
"Er, how are they supposed to work? I have a neural socket to connect my arms with my nervous system to power them up, but I see nothing like-"
"Your Magic Circuits," she explained. "Just flow energy to where the arms are and it'll do the trick. No neural what-the-thing."
She put the first arm into the left lump. Obeying, Heinz let the energy flow into it.
KNACK!
It fits perfectly. And a second later-
"!"
He looked at his new arm with some amazement.
"I…I can feel it. I can feel my arm."
Heinz did his best to replicate the feeling of his meat arms when he first designed them, but even so it never quite felt the same as before. With time, he simply grew used to it.
Now? He felt the chilly air from Chaldea, the heat of Touko's hand leaving his shoulder, the crack of the fingers.
"As I said, rush job," said Touko, adjusting her glasses. "I thought of putting some extra functions into it, but I felt the standard package would serve you better. And besides, I can be very expensive with some commissions-"
"Oh, money is not an issue," interrupted Heinz. "I recycle pieces from time to time, but I have tons of money in the bank. After I officially retired from being evil I sold a few of my patents and now I receive a lot of royalties on how some of my Inators are used," he looked at his new arm and frowned. "Hm, Ritsuka was right, I could have sold the prosthetics patent to get a bunch of money for evil. Oh well, it can't be helped."
Touko let out a small chuckle.
"Oh, you have some interesting ideas, doctor. Now, for the second."
And a second later, Heinz was looking at his new two arms. Arms he could feel.
"I never knew I missed something so much until I had it back," said the man wistfully, cracking his knuckles. "I…this is better even than my handiwork."
And the evil scientist had a lot of pride in what he did. To admit someone actually surpassed him…
Touko didn't know Heinz for that long, but she felt the two could resonate. Admitting that her work was superior was something that took a lot from him.
"You know what? I was about to comment over having you pay for the product, but considering it's not even my finest work, I'll let you have the first batch for free," she paused. "But upgrades and replacement will not be for free, got it?"
"...that's if I don't make my own," he replied after a moment, a small grin appearing on his face. "Thanks, Touko."
The Red took out a cigar from her pockets and lit it out.
"No big deal. Are you going to leave the wheelchair here?"
"Hm?"
Heinz realized he was now on his feet. So lost in his excitement, that he didn't even realize he got up.
"No, I just made that so I could get to the reunion. I'm okay!" he tried to lift both arms and make a thumbs-up gesture, but then he grimaced and held his sides. "Owie…curse you, work wounds!"
Touko felt she lacked a bit of context, but decided it didn't matter.
"Do you…?"
"No, take it to Da Vinci. I installed a self-destruct button in this, and I don't want it to trigger this time."
"Why do you - " Touko paused. "I'm not going to ask," she grabbed the chair cautiously and started to leave, before turning back to Heinz. There was something in her eyes he couldn't identify. "Don't make me regret this arrangement."
And with that, Touko left him behind.
He looked at his arms for some more time, feeling them. Heavier than flesh, lighter than metal. A weird experience.
He felt something climbing on his back. He didn't need to look.
"Hey, archnemesis."
"Gyu."
The two were silent, taking consolation in the presence of each other. For better or worse, they were all that remained of their previous lives - well, that and Norm. And that fly had a small tophat?
But their bond always stood against the test of time. For better or worse, they were together in this.
"Even though I stopped attempting to do active evil, I never expected we to fight together again," said the man. "I mean, there was Canada, that time with the hunter I hired, the other and…eh, hero and villain alliances are pretty common stuff now that I think about it. I even did agent stuff a few times, remember that?"
"Gyuyuyu."
"The documents don't lie, I'm legally an ocelot," snarked back the man, then he frowned heavily with his eyes narrowed. "But…there is a way. There is a way. To get back what we lost. I suppose you are missing big old Monobrow and his assistant."
"...gyu," half-lied the platypus. The image of his superior hailing him one last time still was fresh on the agent's mind.
"As I thought," said Heinz. "But…here we are again. Together," he grinned wickedly. "And we know whoever tries to deal with this dynamic duo will get an ass-whooping! So we're bringing what we lost: you, me, that Ritsuka kid. I don't know why we were granted Master marks, but here we are."
He felt the power behind his back.
"Let's be goddamn heroes."
GRUMBLE.
Heinz stopped walking. He felt a grumbling in his stomach and a bad smell coming. The platypus agent gave the human a look, the doctor now sheepish.
"...I don't know what I expected, I stood a whole day without doing my stuff and the moment I was getting hyped, this happens. Move, I need a shower."
Five minutes later
Heinz walked inside the bathroom. It was thankfully not destroyed in the explosion, meaning he could get a shower. Besides the little…incident, he was still covered in the ashes of Fuyuki. He wondered if his new arms would mind getting wet before shrugging: what magic was for if it couldn't even prevent something like that?
…he hoped Touko wouldn't get too mad. He still remembered how she managed to make that Lev guy back off by uttering a few words and how Olga trembled when she spoke of her. Part of him wondered what would happen if she ever crossed paths with L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Rodney would probably get a fair bit of-
Huh. Right, there was a mirror here. How did he miss that? Eh, it didn't matter. He was about to turn to put on his clothes-
Wait. He still didn't see his Command Seal shape. Perry's was a cool hat. Heinz wondered if he got something like that.
He used the mirror to see his back, right below his left shoulder. One shape remembered a star, while two others remembered a large S.
'Neat. But why does that look so-'
He paused. S-star. S-star.
Superstar.
He covered the mark very quickly, his face red, and turning from the mirror.
He would never let someone look at his Seals.
421
Underdog Emiya
May 14, 2024
View discussion
1 of 3
Next
Last
Threadmarks
Sidestory
Apocrypha
Media
Informational
View content
You must log in or register to reply here.
Share
Creative Writing
Remove this ad space
Style chooser
Contact us
Terms and rules
Privacy policy
Help
RSS
Top
