"What five letter word stays the same when you take away the first, third and last letter?"
Shaking his empty cup as proof, the man of riddles informs his beauteous drinking buddy, "We're out of wine."
Heels off and feet in his lap, Selina lounges on the beat up sofa like a queen. And she is. Good, bad, or somewhere in between, no matter which side of the fence the feline may follow, the Cat in black is always most comfortable wherever she dare roam. Even here in this den of degenerates and freaks, Selina somehow seems so very much at ease. And so does Edward. As strange as it may seem to him, he's actually having a really good time.
"Damn. And you were just starting to become tolerable." Selina teases as she stretches out her toes.
Without even realizing, Edward casually begins to play with her bare feet. His idle fingers softly sweep across one swooping arch, delighting in the way her slender toes twitch from the tickly sensation.
"Tolerable?" Edward feigns surprise, resting an arm behind his head. "Well that's certainly an improvement over... What was it you called me? Asinine?"
Slow and rhythmic, his free hand busies itself by kneading at the soft pads underfoot. The thought of a nursery rhyme enters his head. Some silly little counting game about catching a tiger by the toe. Although Selina's far more vindictive than any tiger he's ever met. One wrong move and she'll do so much worse than simply holler at him. He'd be lucky if the Cat doesn't rip his ass to shreds if he doesn't pet her just right.
"Okay, one, I said your riddles are asinine." Selina sighs as Edward massages her feet. "And two, there has to be something else to drink around here."
His hands have always had a mind of their own. While the gears are always turning and churning out clever new ideas and schemes, taking up the majority of his cognitive grey matter, his body is oftentimes left to fend for itself, functioning off the reserves. Or his lizard brain, as he likes to call it. That prehistoric lump holding tight to his cerebellum, in control of all his more basic functions. Like breathing, heart rate, and the four Fs. Feeding. Fighting. Fleeing. And... Certain other carnal indulgences.
Palm flat against the top of her foot, his fingers loosely curl around her ankle. His pulse begins to climb as those same fingers make the daring decision to continue up her leg. Carefully, he creeps, relishing in the smoothness of her skin. However, he doesn't make it any further than below Selina's knee, when she reclaims her feet from off his lap and sits up to look out over the back of the couch.
"Anything out there?" Edward wonders, lazily tilting his head back in the general direction of the drink table.
Though he doesn't show it, there's a pit of disappointment sitting heavy in his chest that he's not exactly sure how he's supposed to process. Just what exactly had he hoped to achieve by feeling up Selina's leg like that? What the hell were his hands even doing on her body, anyway? And why'd she even let him touch her? Honestly, his hide should be ribbons by now. The whole thing is confusing. And yet, as confusing as it is for him, it had also felt somewhat... right. Nice, even.
"Some greenish, purply punch I'm pretty sure fermented under a broken radiator for a couple months." Grimacing, Selina spies.
Sitting up on his knees, Edward joins her by peering out over the couch. Side by side, together, the pair resemble two soldiers peeking their heads out of a trench to survey enemy territory.
"Oh dear. You don't think she'd attempt to pass off expired Joker venom as refreshments, do you?" Edward only half jokes. Honestly, he wouldn't put it past Harley.
"Dare you to take a sip." Bumping her hip against his, Selina returns. Her emerald green eyes shine wildly with mirth and excitement.
"I'll pass, thank you." Edward shutters at the thought. "Hey, what's that?"
Tilting his head, Edward notices a tiki bar on the opposite end of the room. Because of course Harley would have a tiki bar. Why the hell not? And why the hell hadn't he noticed before? Maybe because he'd been far too focused on his own personal issues and anxieties. Or connecting the beauty marks up and down Selina's legs in his mind...
"You're a genius, Ed!" Selina exclaims, snapping the Riddler right back to reality.
"Well, of course. I know that!" He proudly exclaims before adding sheepishly, "What exactly did I do, now?"
Grabbing his hand, Selina yanks him up off the couch to come follow her. And judging by that scheming look, the Cat is obviously up to something.
"We're raiding Harley's personal stash!" She giggles in delight. Leave it to larceny to get the Catwoman all excited.
Ducking down behind the wooden structure, Selina tries the door, but as expected, the bar is locked. Not that something as silly as a simple padlock would stop her. Reaching between her breasts, the Cat retrieves the compact lock pick kit tucked deep inside her brassiere and gets down to business.
"You're truly about to steal from your best friend? On her birthday?" Edward quips as he watches her make quick work of the lock.
A twist here. A turn there. Selina makes the whole entire process look so absolutely effortless. Not to mention titillating...
When exactly did she get so goddam attractive? Not that he hadn't noticed before. Sure he had. He's a man, after all, with all the chemical processes and biological functions that comes with. Not to mention, he isn't blind.
She has all the physically pleasing qualities that one would look for in selecting a mate. Good bone structure. Nice skin. Satisfactory facial symmetry. Ample, perky, wondrous breasts... So pretty much she's just about every hot girl in high school who wouldn't bother to remember his name. Which probably explains his natural aversion to Selina. Somewhere deep inside Edward's probably always known that she's out of his league.
"Well sure." Finished, Selina returns the pick to her cleavage. "I mean, she wouldn't be the first friend I've stolen from tonight. So why not?"
"Yeah? And who else have you stolen from?" Curious, Edward wonders.
The answer's written all over her face. With a telltale tilt of her heavenly head, Selina offers him a devilish grin, and that's all the clue the Riddler really needs.
"You stole from..." Suddenly suspicious, Edward checks his pants pockets and vest. He hadn't brought much with him. Just the usual necessities. Cell phone. Reading glasses. Keys. Multi-tool. Switchblade. Garotte. Hell, he's even got his wallet, so what could she have possibly stolen?
Removing a purple piece of fabric from somewhere on her person, Edward can only imagine where, the Catwoman places it on her face, revealing the item in question to be a mask. His mask. The spare domino mask he keeps in his inner left breast pocket. Just in case.
"When did you..." Touching his hand to his chest, Edward thinks back upon the events of the night, trying to piece together a timeline in order to solve just when the hell she could have snagged it. "Give me that!"
He tries to swipe it back, but the Riddler's out of luck if he thinks he can steal from the Cat. Even with a couple drinks in her, the Catwoman's far too fast for him. Dodging his attack, she smacks at his hand and pushes him back against the wall.
Now, typically he'd try to fight back. Not that he really cares to get his mask back, but it's the principal of the matter. Selina stole from him, therefore the kitty must pay. After all, the Riddler has his villainous name and pride to protect. But honestly... Maybe he's a bit buzzed, but he just doesn't care about all that costumed ego bullshit right now. Edward reminds himself that he has other masks at home. So if she wants to keep it, let her keep it. And as strange as it sounds, Ed can't help but think how cute Selina actually looks in his mask, any way.
"Riddle me this!" The Cat mimics with a sly purr. "I am your best friend and worst enemy. What am I?"
Retrieving several high end bottles from out of the previously locked liquor cabinet, Selina shows off their bounty.
"We've hit the jackpot!"
