"That was a pretty terrible riddle by the way."
Sitting with his back against the wall, the man of riddles takes a sip of his whiskey.
"Oh please. Like yours are any better."
Relaxing beside him with a fresh drink in her hand, the Cat stretches out her legs, crossing them at the ankles. Edward decides to do the same and lays his legs flat on the floor. The cuffs of his pant legs rise up just enough to show off the green and purple argyle socks beneath.
"You know, I miss your old costume." Edward finds himself confessing. For some reason the pop of purple against his black slacks reminds him of one of Selina's previous incarnations. "The purple one."
"No one misses that ugly thing!" Selina laughs into her drink.
"Well, I do. In fact, I actually really liked it." Shuffling his feet, Edward stares at his socks. "Purple looks good on you. Very regal. Quite fitting for the proclaimed Princess of Plunder."
After a moment of silence, Ed looks up from his feet and is surprised to find Selina staring back at him.
"I think that might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." She replies, genuinely touched.
"I'm sure I've said plenty of nice things." Edward finds himself feeling uncomfortable again.
"Only when followed by an insult." Selina shrugs, returning to her drink.
And so does Edward. Head down, he becomes lost in his own thoughts. That and the warm, familiar sting of Jim Beam as it coats the back of his throat.
"I like the bowler." Selina surprises him by returning the compliment. "You don't wear it so much anymore, and I miss it. You know, not too many people can pull off a hat like that, but it works for you."
He's stunned by the level of sincerity in her tone. Not mocking or sarcastic or teasing or even playing. Which is so very much unlike her. Or at least the Selina that he knows. That cold, vindictive bitch who'd steal your heart only for the chance to steal your wallet, and anything else that's not bolted down. Who'd kick you when you're at your worst and sell you over to the Bat so fast you'd never knew what hit you. Perhaps there's more to the Cat than her claws, after all.
"Then for you, my dear, I suppose I'll just have to start working the hat back into my costumed attire."
Selina smiles at him and Edward's heart fills with an unfamiliar joy. Suddenly he's reminded of the diner. An image of the older gentleman in the hat and his wife pop into his head. How happy they were together and how nauseated that made him feel at the time. Except now he's not nauseous at all. Well, maybe just a little. But this time it feels different. More like butterflies in his stomach than the need to retch. And not the sort of butterflies he typically gets when planning out a heist. More like his palms are all sweaty and his heart is beating faster than when he's running from that roided-out rodent.
"Are we friends?" Edward wonders. Head rolled back, he stares up at ceiling. "Because when I mentioned stealing from Harley, your reply implied that you also think of us as friends."
Edward idly fidgets with the cup in his lap. The so-called doctors call it OCD. One of his many compulsions along with his obsession with puzzles and a penchant for leaving clues. But he calls it a load of crap. So he likes to tinker when his mind's too heavy. So what? He enjoys taking things apart to see how they work. Lay it out piece by piece on the worktable and make sense of it all. And it always does because the science is founded. Machines just make sense. Not like people.
People are a mess to dissect. Both literally and figuratively. They come strapped with all this baggage and all these messy emotions. They lie, cheat, steal, put up walls, and hide behind masks. Again, both literally and figuratively. Which is probably why Edward had all but given up on the human race. They're all morons. Each and every one of them. Including himself. He may as well be the biggest moron of all because he can't for the life of him figure out what makes them all tick. Just like how he can't figure out what she means to him? And what's he to her? Why is she making him feel this way? So nervous and frustrated and anxious and happy and excited and wanting and needing and yearning and... and... a mess.
Playing with a little tear in his cup, he's bound to take the whole thing apart before she answers.
"Well, yeah." Selina replies candidly, completely unaware of Edward's inner turmoil. "I mean, I wouldn't trust you to take care of my cats while I'm away, but yeah, I'd say we're friends, I guess. Why wouldn't we be?"
"Well the constant back-and-forth backstabbing, for starters." He ends up cracking off a big chunk of red plastic. "That's not exactly normal friendly behavior."
"And we're not exactly normal people, Ed." She grins at him again and his heart does a full backflip. "I don't think the rules of society exactly apply to our unconventional lifestyles."
"I've tried to kill you." He puts it plainly.
"And I've taken 1.2 million dollars from one of your offshore bank accounts." She casually takes another sip of her drink.
"Wait. That was you!?" Edward nearly chokes on his whiskey.
The only thing that burns worse than accidentally inhaling his alcohol would be the seething anger simmering just beneath the surface.
"What I'm trying to say is, who hasn't tried to kill someone in this city?" Skirting the issue of her ill-gotten gains, Selina adds, "Did you know Harley once slit my throat? Pretty bad, too. And now I'm sitting in her apartment, drinking all her booze, celebrating her birthday. Just like you said. Best friends."
Placing down her cup, Selina removes his mask from her face and inches closer to Edward.
"The world's a strange place, Eddie." The Cat purrs as she returns the disguise to its rightful owner. Straddling one of his legs, she affixes the domino mask to his face.
Her thieving fingertips softly sweep away the stray hairs from his forehead and just like that, Edward can't remember what he was ever mad about in the first place. Forget the money. He can always get more. Selina secures the mask in place and Edward finds himself staring. Gazing deep into her eyes while she's fussing with his disguise. The Cat's so invested in getting it just right, that she doesn't even notice the glazed-over look on his face. Or his fidgeting digits digging at the carpet.
"But not as strange as people like us." Selina concludes.
Strange...
Her eyes are so green. Like two sparkling emeralds. Mesmerized, Edward can't help but notice they're the same shade as his own. Strange he'd never noticed before.
Or how warm her body feels against his. She's so close, he can feel the soft whispers of her breath against his skin.
And her skin... Like fresh milk. Creamy white against that little black dress she wears so well. It looks like liquid night poured right over her body. A shadow clinging to all the lovely peaks and valleys of her glorious landscape.
Nails dug deep into the dirty carpet, he'd give anything to touch it. To touch her. To grab her tight. Hold her down. Feel her all over... And if there's one thing Edward's never been good at, it's controlling his compulsions.
"There." Selina says proudly, examining her work. "Purrrfect."
Edward finds himself involuntarily leaning in to her touch as she tucks one last stubborn tuft of auburn hair behind his ear.
"What did the paperclip say to the magnet?" Edward whispers gently as he reaches for her hand.
"Excuse me?"
Yeah, this looks bad. She gets that. Selina's all boozed up and sitting in his lap like some promiscuous pussycat, but honestly, that's just the way she is. She's always been a tease and he's always been so completely uninterested in anything or anyone but himself. Not to mention, Edward knows better. After all, the last time he tried something sneaky, she threw him through a window.
"I think you have the wrong idea."
Realizing her mistake, Selina attempts to get up, but his other hand plants itself firmly on her rear to keep her in place.
"What did the grape do when the lemon asked for a kiss?" He offers her another riddle.
Edward may have a good forty pounds on her, but the both of them know she can easily take him if she wanted to. Rip his throat out. Slam his head against the wall and knock him unconscious. Knee him in the groin. Scratch his eyes out, which is a personal favorite of hers, by the way. Instead, Selina sits and she waits for the Riddler to make his next move before sealing his fate.
"Ed, I'm giving you until the count of three..." The Cat hisses, only for her words to become muffled in his kiss.
And that's when the claws come out.
Wide-eyed, Selina sinks her claws into his neck. Not enough to do any real damage, but enough to scare him off. A warning. But it doesn't do any good. Guess after a couple years of getting his ass handed to him on the regular by the Bat, Edward's become conditioned to the pain. It only succeeds in making him grab her wrist harder.
"MMMMMmmFFFPHH!"
Caught in his trap, Selina tries to break free. His kiss is hard and forceful. Not so much a kiss as Edward's passionately mashing his lips against hers. The Catwoman's about to really lay on the hurt, when suddenly and surprisingly the Riddler let's her go. Inhaling sharply, Selina falls back and off his lap.
"What the hell, Nygma?" She growls, wiping the back of her gloved hand across her mouth.
"It puckered up!" Edward snickers proudly. "Get it?"
A trickle of blood trails down the Riddler's neck as he laughs at his own corny riddle. Meanwhile, Selina just stares at him like he has three heads or something.
"Awww... Don't be such a sour puss, kitty cat." He teases.
Selina wonders if Edward thinks he's being funny. There's no way he could be that drunk. Although she's got to admit, drunk or not, the man's got some major balls on him, that's for sure. Either that, or he's a total idiot. Edward knows the risks involved in pulling off a stunt like that, and yet he went and did it anyway. All for one lousy kiss. Emphasis on lousy. Still, she's impressed he even tried.
Maybe Selina's just a little bit curious, although she keeps reminding herself what that did to the cat... Or maybe she's just as wasted as he is. But something lit up inside her when he grabbed her. Not so much a spark, but a thrill. That hint of danger that no matter how hard she tries, is impossible to ignore. So why fight it?
"Now that was a pretty terrible riddle, Eddie." Prepared to pounce, Selina laughs and Edward's face sours.
Edward opens his mouth to no doubt say something snotty, but before he can get a single word out, Selina grabs the man by the shirt collar and steals his breath away with her lips. The Riddler may enjoy playing games, but this is one game he's bound to lose. Ed's sorely mistaken if he thinks he can steal a kiss and get away with it. That's her job. Grinning into her kiss, the Catwoman reminds him she's the only thief around here.
It's time to show that would-be crook how it's really done.
