"What's made of rubber, handed out at schools, and exists to prevent mistakes? And I don't mean an eraser." The Riddler poses the question. "You got one?"

Surprisingly, both he and Selina have really hit it off. Aside from a love bite or two and some fairly minor scratch marks, she hasn't kicked his ass (yet), or even threatened him with bodily harm. Not counting that whole bit about her ripping out his tongue should he say another riddle. Which would probably be in his best interest not to remind her about that... In fact, Edward thinks she might actually like him. And what's even more surprising, he thinks he might really like her.

"No." Selina nuzzles her cheek against his thick, wooly sideburns. "You?"

"No... If I already had one, why would ask?"

"I don't know." She jokes, playing with the scruff of his five o'clock shadow. "Because you like the sound of your own voice?"

"True." He chuckles anxiously in return. "But that still doesn't solve our predicament."

Quiet falls over the increasingly cramped closet as Edward tries his best to think up a solution. But for the man whose gears are always turning, he's found himself in quite a pickle. Ed's mind feels utterly useless. Like all the brainpower has been sucked out of his head and collected in the worthless pleasure organ currently being fondled at between his legs.

"Aren't you always three steps ahead?" Breaking the silence, Selina taunts him. "That's like your thing, right? Always planning ahead?"

Well that hit a nerve. She can poke fun at him all she likes, but don't ever question his intellect.

"Yes, yes... I know!" Ed snaps at her. "But how the hell could I have planned for this?"

"I don't know." Selina bites back at him. "Don't guys usually keep one in their wallet. You know, just in case?"

Groaning, Edward pinches the bridge of his nose to stave off the tension headache coming on.

"For starters, I keep a switchblade in my pocket, just in case." He points out. "Second, keeping a condom in your wallet isn't exactly the brightest idea because the friction can cause the latex to deteriorate. Which may compromise the integrity of-"

"I'm sorry I asked." Selina groans, cutting him off.

"What about you?" Edward pokes back. "Why don't you carry one in your purse?"

"Does it look like I carry a purse, Ed?" She motions, though he can barely see three inches in front of his face. "And unless you couldn't tell from all your groping, this dress doesn't come equipped with pockets. Besides, smart guy, what would I need a purse for? It's not like I pay for anything. I'm a thief, remember? I don't wear purses, I steal them."

Growling in frustration, Edward tosses his head back, only to get jabbed in the neck with a coat hanger. This arguing isn't going anywhere. And it isn't helping him think, either. What he really needs to do is take a deep breath and calm the fuck down.

"Maybe Harley has one in one of her coat pockets." The Cat sighs.

Not that she doesn't enjoy going through other people's things, but she really doesn't want to start rummaging around through Harley's personal property. Especially when she knows there's nothing of real worth to be found in any of those coat pockets, anyway. Harley's never been one to hold onto anything of true monetary value, but for sentimental reasons. Pretty much the bulk of her cluttered apartment can be sorted into one of two categories. Useless tchotchkes and straight up garbage. Or weapons of mass destruction. So, make that three categories... There's no telling what potentially hazardous materials Selina may encounter should she reach her hand inside any one of these jackets.

"You want to chance bumming a condom off that crazy clown wench?" Coming to the same conclusion, Edward winces, rubbing at the sore spot at the back of his head.

Although she tries her best to fight the urge, Selina bursts out laughing almost immediately. Already irritated, Edward glares in her general direction.

"What's so funny?" He grunts.

"Sorry! I'm sorry." Selina sucks in a giggle. "I was just thinking of what kind of joke condoms Harley might have left over from the Joker."

"Ughh..." Edward doesn't really want to think about that pasty-faced psycho. "They're probably laced with some form of a mild hallucinogen."

"Or squirts acid." Selina chimes in.

"Barbed wired."

"Exploding."

"Bursts into flames."

"I bet a little flag pops out that says 'BANG'!" She laughs.

"Why bother." Edward quips. "He probably only shoots blanks, anyway."

Again Selina starts laughing, and this time he joins her. Forehead to hers, Edward wraps his arms around her shoulders and just lets himself go. Which feels really good. Like really, really good, to just take a step back and have a good laugh with someone. Not a robot or a computer program, but a real live person. A friend. A friend who's laughing with him and not at him. Which is something Edward hasn't experienced in such a very long time. Pretty much forever if he really thinks about it.

"Look. This is absurd." Finally thinking straight, Edward explains. "My place isn't that far."

Having a short respite has allowed his brain to relax for a moment and reexamine their ridiculous situation from another angle. Like, why the hell are they even in this smelly old closet, anyway? Who are they hiding from? They're both adults. He can invite her back to his apartment like a normal person. And like any normal person, Edward even adds...

"We can knock over a bodega on the way."

And again, Selina laughs.

"Wow. Seriously? That's your plan, Ed?"

"Sure." Edward doesn't see what the big deal is. "Make a quick buck, grab a pack of condoms, maybe even another bottle of wine." He lists. "We can make a date of it. I'll even throw in some flowers and chocolates, if you like."

"Wow, Eddie. I had no idea you were such a romantic."

Detecting her sarcasm, Edward whines.

"What!? What's wrong with my plan?"

"Oh I don't know." Selina argues. "Plan on inviting the Bat back to your apartment, while you're at it? Maybe the police and some hostages?"

"No!" He's offended by how ridiculous she's being. But then after mulling over the idea for a moment, Edward warms up to the thought. "Wait... Maybe? That could be fun, actually."

"ED!" Selina cries, slapping him hard across the chest.

She didn't really mean what she said. She was being sarcastic. But Edward and his damn compulsion, his psychological need for an audience, of course he'd be into that sort of thing. Either that, or he's an even bigger pervert than she'd thought.

"What!?" The Riddler defends.

She's about to hit him again, when suddenly a shadow appears, blocking out the small sliver of light where the bottom of the door meets the floor. An indication that they have company.

Like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi barreling down the highway at eighty miles per hour, both Edward and Selina freeze instantly in place. He holds his breath and hopes that whoever is out there will decide to go away.

No such luck.

"Shit..." Edward blurts as the door handle begins to turn. In a frenzy, both he and Selina quickly try to get dressed. He just about finishes zippering his pants when the door swings wide open and Harley appears.

"Eddie? Selina? You in here? We're ready to cut the cake!" The birthday girl exclaims in excitement as she opens the door. "What'cha guys doin' in the closet, anyways?"

Door fully open, Harley gets an eyeful of her two fellow rogues in an awkward state of undress.

"Well, hey diddle, diddle..." The clown girl grins wide. "The Cat and the Riddle."

She needn't say another word. Her smiling eyes is proof enough she knows exactly what the two of them were up to.

"Edward was helping me with my... um... dress." Selina mutters an excuse.

Not used to being caught, the Cat blushes head to toe as she exits the closet. She can't even look her friend in the eye. Instead, Selina fixes her hair and smooths out the wrinkles in her dress. Chin up and head forward, she makes her daring escape to the kitchen, leaving Edward alone to answer to Harley.

"Right." Edward agrees with Selina's story. Not like he's fooling anyone. Especially with the way he's dressed. With his shirt undone and hanging out of his pants. His hair all disheveled. And his belt completely missing. "Her straps... uh... fell... off."

It's pretty unnerving the way Harley is staring at him. Like some starved wild animal waiting for him to spill his guts out all over the floor with all those delectable details. Or at the very least, throw her a bone and give her a clue. Thanks to an overactive imagination, the rest she can make up on her own in that big, empty head of hers. But Edward keeps his lips sealed. Even with his psychosis, he wouldn't tell her anything, anyway. Tonight is one of those incredibly rare instances the Riddler chooses to keep under wraps. Close to the chest.

"So... Did I hear word of cake?" Clapping his hands together, Edward changes the subject.

He prepares to leave in the same direction as Selina, but Harley stops him in his tracks.

"Hey, Eddie?" She points to her neck as if indicating something. "Yer, uh, bleedin', honey."

He touches his neck, and sure enough, there's a whole mess of freshly dried blood. He'd completely forgotten that Selina had stuck him with her claws earlier.

"Oh, hell." He pulls his hand back to examine the damage. Luckily, his fingers come back clean. The wound has already begun clotting over.

As if reading his mind, Harley motions towards the bathroom at the end of the hall.

"Thanks." Ed replies, holding his neck as he turns in retreat.