Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Selina's right. He's a big fucking idiot.
The Cat stands to leave and Edward stands to stop her. His body reacts before his brain can even process the thought.
"Selina... Wait."
He hadn't meant to be crass. Or maybe he had... It's just that Edward's never really cared about the thoughts and feelings of anyone besides himself before. Not that he's grown a conscience, exactly, but these feelings he has for Selina are as new to him as they are strange.
"Come back."
Mentally. Physically. Emotionally... This wouldn't be the first time Ed's hurt her, and yet this regret that's gnawing at his guts is something entirely new. The fact that he actually feels sorry about his actions is another puzzling development. One that doesn't sit well with the narcissist.
"Would you please stop?"
Besides, feelings or no feelings, who cares what her motives are. If she wants to rob him blind, so be it. They can sort that out later in the streets and in costume. When's the last time he got laid, anyway? He must be certifiably insane to look this gift-cat in the mouth.
"Selina, if you'd just listen..." Edward briskly chases after her.
"No, you listen." Selina spins around abruptly.
Surrounded by heaping piles of outdated and discarded tech, the pair finally come to rest in the middle of the Riddler's workspace.
"Look, this wasn't some job." She jabs her finger in his chest. "And I wasn't pretending."
"Okay. You weren't pretending."
Hands raised in defense, Edward searches that useless brain of his for the right words to express himself, but comes up short.
"I thought we were having fun." She growls.
"You did? I mean, we were. I was!" He stumbles. "I had a lot of fun tonight."
He did. Even before they were wrist deep in each others pants, Edward had thoroughly enjoyed himself at Harley's party. Not only did Selina make for surprisingly good company and conversation, but she made him feel strangely good about himself. That is before his insecurities got the better of him.
"But then you had to remind me of what a giant asshole you are." She accuses by poking him in the chest again.
"You're right. I'm an asshole." Edward wholly accepts, staring down at her finger pressed against the top loop of his question mark-shaped scar.
Selina becomes quiet. She narrows her eyes at him and purses her lips.
"Are you actually agreeing with me?" She asks skeptically.
Edward rubs at the back of his neck.
"I suppose I am..." He chuckles anxiously.
His eyes wander to a random computer monitor streaming code, trying to find something to focus on other than her piercing green eyes.
"I'm sorry..." Ed confides. "I'm not good at..."
"Talking to women without sounding like a total prick?" Crossing her arms, Selina fills in the blanks for him.
"I was going to say creating and maintaining positive human relationships, but yeah, I guess I'm not so good at that either." Ed chuckles, running his fingers through his auburn hair.
This isn't easy for him. Always the smartest man in any given room, he's never been put in the position to have to apologize to anyone for anything.
"Look... I'm sorry I accused you of having ulterior motives." Edward apologizes.
With a slight tilt of the hip, the Cat almost appears to be coming around. That is until he opens that big, dumb mouth of his again.
"Although... In my defense, you do tend to steal from me a lot." He insinuates.
Of all the Riddler's traps, his mouth is certainly the worst. Anything that comes out of it will always lead to trouble. And the occasional black eye.
"No more than anyone else." Selina shrugs.
She knows exactly what he's playing at. Edward wants her to cough up the cash. Or at the very least apologize for stealing from him. Neither of which are ever going to happen.
"Right. So that 1.2 million that you stole. That was just... what, exactly?" He ponders. "Business?"
"Oh no. I took great pleasure in that transaction." Selina purrs with spite. "I consider it money well deserved."
"Deserved?" Ed scoffs. "For what!?"
"Oh, I think you know exactly what you did." Selina huffs.
"I didn't do shit!" The Riddler cries. "And I certainly don't owe you any money!"
So much for trying to be amicable. But then again, he did admit he wasn't any good at this sort of thing. As well as to being an asshole...
"You strapped a fucking bomb to my neck, Edward!" She argues heatedly. "And then used me as bait for the Bat!"
"Hold on! I only used you as bait after you used me as bait for that geriatric degenerate Doctor Aesop!" Edward cries in return. "He tried to feed me to his lions!"
"And you tried to feed me to the Cheetah!" She shouts.
Eyes wild with fire, both Edward and Selina glare at one another. Neither villain willing to back down from this fight.
"Yeah, well you fear gassed me." Fueling the flame, Edward comes right back at her.
"Only after you fear gassed me!" She defends.
Over the years, they've stabbed each other in the back more times than either of them would ever care to count. Going back so far into the depths of their costumed careers that by now it's become impossible to determine who betrayed who first. Or why.
Maybe it was over money. Or power. Perhaps it was simply just for fun. Or street cred. To bolster one's ego. Or maybe, secretly, Ed's always been a boy with a crush. Tormenting the prettiest girl in class rather than man up and confess to the torch he's held for her for so long.
"Idiot!" The Cat bares her teeth.
"Bitch!" The Riddler growls low.
Selina grabs him by the neck while Edward swings his arm back, ready to strike. This wouldn't be their first fight, and it most certainly won't be their last, but for the first time in their long, sordid history, this argument won't end in bloodshed. Or at least not too much.
Maybe it's the adrenaline coursing through his veins or that extra boost of testosterone that's got his blood pumping extra hot, but the Cat's never been sexier to him. Nor has he ever wanted anything more. His need for her is beyond anything he's ever felt before. And judging by the look in her electric green eyes, Selina feels exactly the same way.
All at once, without warning, they both lunge for one another. Not with their fists and their claws, but with their lips. His raised fist falls limp midair. His fingers instead tangling themselves in her jet black hair.
There's something very animal that she does to him. It's powerful and aggressive. A primal force that can't be contained.
A growl rises in his chest as her teeth gnash against his. He grips the back of her neck tight. Their kiss hard and forceful as both Ed and Selina pick right back up from where they'd left off.
"I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. And I come with a quiver. What am I?" Edward challenges as he drags his hands down her dress.
"Just shut up and fuck me, Eddie." Selina groans at his riddle.
"Yes, dear."
Grabbing her thighs, Edward lifts Selina with little effort. He's carried her before. At least a half dozen times. Although she's usually unconscious and the circumstances have always been strictly professional. It's a little different when she's kissing and pawing at him.
Legs wrapped around his midsection, Selina holds tight as Ed maneuvers them back to the couch. He brings her back and lays her down, their lips never breaking as he crawls on top.
Wriggling beneath him, Selina skillfully slides off her panties. She dips her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers, soliciting Edward to remove them, although he's not nearly as limber as his frisky feline bedfellow. Eager to disrobe as quickly as possible, Ed almost dislocates his shoulder in the process.
Once finished wrestling with his undershirt, Selina flips him on his back and climbs on top. Her strong thighs straddle his lap as she lifts her dress up and over her head. Eyes glazed in lust, Edward finds himself awestruck as she unhooks her satin black bra, helpless to her unspeakable beauty.
"You're so beautiful."
Edward would have liked to have said something a little more eloquent, but his brain's playing second fiddle to one of his species more basic reproductive functions. Not that she isn't beautiful. She is. Her naked body is absolutely breathtaking. Cast in the iridescent glow of the television, Selina appears as an ethereal goddess atop him. She's more beautiful than all the words in any language could ever describe.
She smiles at the compliment and his heart leaps in his chest.
"I want you, Eddie." She growls seductively and he just about has a full on heart attack.
Fumbling around the couch, Edward can't find that little box of condoms fast enough. But finally, after what seems like a long, desperate search: Success!
He makes his final preparations, lining up his drill bit with her safe. The Riddler's just about ready to penetrate her vault, when suddenly...
"OH GOD!" He cries.
Like a jolt of electricity racing through him, Edward's whole body bolts upright, nearly knocking Selina off his lap.
"Seriously?" Confused at the sudden outburst, the Cat stares down at him in disappointment and shock. "I haven't even started yet."
"What? No! I didn't... I haven't finished yet."
Digging around in the couch, Edward finds the culprit. All that rolling around and turning over pillows exposed one of the razor-sharp gloves that he'd hidden. And just so happened to activate with his backside.
"Owwwwww..." He whines, pulling the pair of claws out from under him.
"What are you doing with my gloves?" Selina asks, snatching them away from Edward. "Did you... Did you actually steal these from me?"
"I had every intention of returning them." He groans, rubbing at his newest set of claw marks.
She'd looked all over Harley's apartment before leaving and couldn't find them anywhere. The Cat had no idea that Edward had taken them. And after all his talk about her sticky fingers...
"Serves you right." Selina giggles, tossing her gloves onto the coffee table. Leaning in for a kiss, she adds, "You big idiot."
"Those are fighting words, you know." Working through the pain, the Riddler grins against her lips.
He rolls the Cat onto her back and reclaims the top, just in case anything decides to sneak up and bite him in the ass again.
"Oh, I know." She smirks up at him from underneath. "Bring it."
