# Stranger Than Fiction

mathiasgranger

Rating: PG13
Genres: Drama, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 03/10/2007
Last Updated: 03/10/2007
Status: Completed

What if Harry Potter could actually hear JKR narrate the story of his years at Hogwarts? What would he do to stop Jo from writing the epilogue, when all he could do was talk to her?

## 1. Stranger Than Fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, JKR does…the idea from the story was inspired by the movie “Stranger than Fiction” starring Will Ferrell….once again I do not take credit for it.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Joanne Kathleen Rowling smiled to herself as she put the finishing touches on the penultimate chapter in the finale of her Harry Potter series of books.

“I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime.” ~pg 749 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

As she printed out a hard copy of the chapter for her editor a familiar voice sounded out, “You do realize that you have to write a better finish than what you had planned. None of this nineteen years later rubbish like I saw scribbled on the margins of your notes.”

Joanne shook her head fondly as she replied in a long suffering tone, “Harry, just because you survived Voldemort don’t get a big head now and think you can dictate the story to me.”

Harry sighed before he asked, “Can I ask you a question at least?”

Jo smiled, “Certainly Harry, after all it is your story.”

“Why did you kill Remus and Tonks? I mean hasn’t Remus suffered enough already?”

Jo rubbed at her eyes tiredly, “I know, and I would have spared Remus if I could have. But, when I saved Arthur during your fifth year I knew I had to take another father figure. Once Remus and Tonks became a couple the sheer beauty of parents dying so their child could live in a world free of tyranny was just too much to pass up. Don’t for a moment think I wasn’t bawling my eyes out when it happened.”

Harry sighed, “So you’ve made another innocent child an orphan of this war. What next, are you going to have the child’s godfather thrown into Azkaban?”

Jo grimaced before she answered, “You are bitter Harry, and I would think you would be happy. You beat Voldemort and all of your best friends survived. Now you can get back together with Ginny, and enjoy your life. What more could you reasonably hope for?”

Harry’s voice was sarcastic, “Ah yes another treat for me, my inexplicable sudden attraction to Ginny Weasley in sixth year. Merlin I bet, I only said maybe fifty words to her before my fifth year. Sure she went with the rest of us to the ministry, and I appreciated that more than you would know, but she will always be Ron’s very attractive little sister.”

Jo frowned, “What you have someone else picked out?”

There was a rustling as if Harry was running a hand through his thick and messy hair, “I don’t know, it’s not like you ever allowed me to enjoy genuine affection with a girl beyond lust. Merlin knows that with the way Ron is I never would have had a chance with Hermione unless I fought him….again.”

Jo furrowed her brow, “Do you resent Ron because he has Hermione? I mean she’s just like a sister to you, nothing more.”

Harry snorted, “Oh sure, because I know exactly what it’s like to have a sister, don’t I?” After a moment of perturbed silence he continued, “Ron has a sister and he seems to have no problems with being an overprotective berk with Hermione either. Well, it seems to me that if anyone treats Hermione like a sister, it would have to be Ron.”

Jo shook her head emphatically, Harry was merely a fictional character and she had no idea why this was riling her up so, “You are just going to have to deal with your lot Harry, it’s far too late to change anything now.”

Harry’s voice was petulant now, “At any rate, some of my dreams have had Hermione acting anything but a sister. You know of my reaction to her at the Yule Ball, and yet you seem to think that my drooling didn’t indicate any interest, but when Ron throws a hissy fit it means that they are fated to be.”

Jo sighed, “It was merely a diversion Harry, that’s all you and Hermione were ever supposed to be.”

Harry chuckled bitterly, “Oh that’s right, because the one person who stood by my side after my name came out of the goblet was merely a sister. Where was Ginny on that one?”

Jo winced, and Harry did have a good point, “She was growing up Harry, just like Ron had to do.”

Harry sighed heavily, “You see that’s the problem, I never needed to grow to make a connection with Hermione. Hell I had a better connection with Luna than I ever did with Ginny. Unless you count our lips being fused together as a connection, Ginny and I never really had more than the physical stuff.”

Jo was starting to get angry now, “You know I could have had Voldemort kill you off, I had planned on it for a time after writing the fifth book.”

There was a long pause before Harry quietly replied, “Maybe you should have, I mean after all of this I’m only going to be some trophy husband to Ginny and a trophy son- in-law to Molly.”

Jo was starting to feel rather tired from the cycle of emotions Harry was taking her through, “Harry, why didn’t you ever give me a sign that this was how you felt.”

Harry’s voice became somewhat sad, “I never thought I’d actually live, so what was the point of making long term plans. I mean how could I ever have hoped to succeed; you surely never gave me any lasting reason to think so. Sure I had Sirius, but you made him miserable in Grimmauld Place, which was probably as much a reason as any other that he ran off half cocked and half prepared to fight at the Department of Mysteries.”

Jo sniffed, “Harry, I never knew. I mean you just sort of moved on after Sirius’ death and never said anything.”

Harry’s voice was so weary that it was palpable, “I did say something, but no one was ever really listening the way I needed them to. Hermione at least tried, but then again after I told her the prophecy she was always a bit more distant. She helped Ron cheat for Quidditch, but hated me for having that blasted potions book. Why did she do that?”

Jo had now cycled on to guilt as she cleared her throat nervously, “Well, erm actually Harry that was because I had made you and Hermione far too close by the end of the fifth book. I needed some reason to distance to two of you.”

Harry merely replied, “Because I deserve to be lonely and miserable, not Ron right?”

Jo frowned, “Where is all this anger for Ron coming from Harry?”

Harry sighed, “Ron is still my best mate, but he abandoned me twice and I will never forget that. Lest we forget he was named prefect when there was no reason to deny it to me. Don’t give me the Voldemort rubbish; you’ll start sounding entirely too much like Dumbledore, the crazy old coot.”

Jo decided to offer a counter point, “I did name you Quidditch captain sixth year.”

Harry agreed, “You did, but only after you basically kicked me out of Quidditch with the whole Umbridge business the previous year. Then even after I was made captain you had Hermione rigging the try outs to help Ron, and McLaggen nearly getting me killed. That’s right you really did me a big favor there.”

Jo nodded, “So you really are harboring a lot of bitterness. I had always assumed that was beneath you, especially considering how the Dursleys were.”

Harry grunted, “You just never really let me have anything without me paying a steep price. I didn’t get love; I got one wet kiss from Cho and a bunch of snogs from Ginny. Family, nope because Snape had to shove his slimy git face into my business and allowed Pettigrew to escape because of the time we wasted dealing with him. I mean I am the main character, aren’t I?”

Jo snorted, “Rather egotistical, aren’t you?”

Harry laughed, “It’s not ego, and it’s the truth Joanne. My name is sort of in the title of every single book, isn’t it?

Jo tried a new tact and became agreeable, “I’ll grant you that Harry, but you are my character so how could my interpretation of you be different than the reality?”

Harry wryly replied, “Been a teenage boy lately Jo?”

Jo frowned, “What?”

Harry shook his head, “I tell you what, go back and reread the entire series before you finish this story off. If by the end you honestly still believe that you gave me a fair shake then write the epilogue as you had it outlined in your notes. But, if you find yourself seeing my point of view, perhaps you can grant me one favor.”

Jo slid her glasses down her nose as she closed her eyes and questioned aloud, “What favor would that be?”

“Put me with the girl you could most likely see me having a long and love filled marriage with. If it is still Ginny, then fine I can’t fault you if you honestly think so. But, if you merely had me paired off with Ginny for some sort of sick matchmaking symmetry then please do me one favor, and don’t.”

Jo glanced up at the calendar, upon seeing she had the time to grant her beloved character’s request she replied, “I can do that Harry.”

Harry softly replied, “Then that’s all I can ask for.”

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Joanne did exactly that in the following days, and she was surprised how reading the books like this had reignited the passion she had felt for her characters, one time long ago. She was slightly disturbed at how all of Harry’s observations had more than just a kernel of truth to them. She had favored certain characters during the journey when she consciously hadn’t been aware of it; she had been lost in the forest when she should have been tending to trees.

Harry hadn’t made an appearance in her mind’s eye again, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t need to when she finished her changes to the original epilogue. This time she had shortened the gap in time to thirteen years, but with similar circumstances surrounding the characters as many of them sent of their first born children to Hogwarts.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Harry and Hermione Granger-Potter were sending their son James Orion Potter to Hogwarts for his first year, and the train station was filled with press to document the big event. James or Jamey as he wished to be called, was nothing like you’d expect a child of the pair to be. He had auburn hair and the brown eyes of his mother, with facial features much more like his paternal grandmother than either of his parents. He was spared the necessity of eye glasses, but he still gave off a very bookish air as he boarded the train with a surprisingly advanced transfiguration treatise in his hand. Predictably Hermione was thrilled, and she even managed to poke her tongue at her husband and their mutual best friend as they teased her about her bookish traits overpowering Harry’s Quidditch genes.

Hermione and Ron had just never really happened after dancing around the edges of a relationship, in the end it had worked out for the best. Their friendship had finally matured so that the arguments of the past became the gentle teasing they enjoyed now.

Ron and Luna Weasley were also sending their first born, the rare female Weasley perhaps finally breaking the family curse of mostly boys. Serena Weasley was a fine mixture of her parents with strawberry blonde hair and dreamy but surprisingly expressive blue eyes taking in her surroundings. She was friends with Jamey due to all of the time they had spent together as children, but the pair had never truly connected as much as their parents would have hoped.

Teddy Lupin ruffled Jamey’s hair as the youngest Potter boarded the train, before he waved at his godparents with exuberance as his hair color vacillated wildly. Teddy being a third year student had announced his intentions at a family get together to take his ‘cousin’ under his wing and corrupt the poor lad to the best of his abilities.

As the children boarded the train and grabbed a nearby compartment so that they could wave goodbye to their parents, Neville and Ginny Longbottom bustled into the station, as if they were the modern day version of Arthur and Molly Weasley. Ginny still was slim and very attractive despite the two children she had birthed. Neville had continued on as the Herbology instructor and was slowly working up the seniority lists at Hogwarts. Ginny worked at home as an editor for Teen Witch Weekly, and she dragged her youngest child as quickly as the little seven year old legs could go.

Winston Longbottom was a very serious looking boy, with Auburn hair much like Jamey’s. While he didn’t share any of the Potter boy’s love for learning he preferred to waste his energy expounding upon his favorite Quidditch team, Puddlemere United, to anyone and everyone who would listen.

With only a quick hug for his mother and a brisk handshake for his father he dragged his trunk towards the train, never sparing a glance backwards.

Harry commented lightly on the young boy’s stoic disposition, “That boy takes himself far too seriously for an 11-year-old.”

Ginny swatted at Harry as she answered, “Winston is a wonderful son, and he just might have a bit of Percy in him is all.”

Neville chuckled and quirked an eyebrow at his wife, “Did you forget to tell me something Gin?”

Ginny huffed, “I most certainly did not you dirty minded man. Lest we forget we have some very young ears here, even if the rest of our friends are only having a child every decade or so.” Turning towards Hermione and Luna she asked, “What about you two, any more plans on expanding the families?”

Ron grinned at Harry and said, “Notice how we have no say in the matter mate.” Seeing Hermione’s stern look he hedged his answer, “Nor should we, after all it’s not our bodies carrying the sprog, now is it?” Luna didn’t answer other than to pat her husband’s cheek softly and give him a wink, which in and of itself was all of the answer he needed.

Hermione decided to answer, “Harry and I have discussed it and we did decide we would try for another one now that my baby is off to Hogwarts.” She sniffed lightly but smiled back at her husband as he wrapped a strong arm around her and squeezed gently to signal his understanding.

Neville sighed as he glanced around the station, “Just imagine what kinds of adventures those three will be getting up to while they are at Hogwarts. Granted, I’ll be there to keep them out of too much trouble but one man can only do so much.”

As the train continued to board the six old friends enjoyed a companionable silence just taking in all of the familiar sights and sounds that had made such an indelible mark on their lives. They had indeed finished their educations, and all of them had successful careers. None of them would have guessed that they would end up together in their present configuration, but the six that would be forever bonded by a desperate effort to save a man from a fate worse than death no longer dwelled on what others thought of them.

They had survived the war, and then they had proceeded to live. As Hermione reached up and gently traced her husband’s trademark lightning bolt scar Harry smiled, and his eyes conveyed everything to his wife, life was perfect.