The Feeling of Love by Ruddy_Brilliant

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 12/12/2004
Last Updated: 12/12/2004
Status: Completed

Harry and Hermione meet up at Hogwarts after a four-year separation. Very fluffy and angsty.




1. Chapter the Only
-------------------

Disclaimer: We must know this already. Shall I sing it to a war chant?
Not-mine-all-JK’s-she-is-good-I-am-not-….

Hermione J. Granger, twenty-something year-old, sat in her cozy little condo, staring at a piece
of paper before her. Written on it were words which could change her life forever:

*July 31st*

*Dear Ms. Hermione J. Granger,*

*We hope that this owl finds you in good health, and wealth. I have written to offer you the
position of Care of Magical Creatures instructor at* *Hogwarts* *School* *of
Witchcraft and Wizardry. Our past professor of this subject was Rubeus Hagrid, who has just
resigned due to his recent marriage. The position must be amply filled, so naturally, your name
came to mind first.*

*We sincerely hope you will be able to accept this teaching position. Please send a reply by
owl as soon as possible.*

*Thank you!*

*Very sincerely,*

*Professor Albus J. Dumbledore*

*Headmaster,* *Hogwarts* *School* *of*

*Witchcraft and Wizardry*

Hermione cracked a smile at the mention of Hagrid’s marriage. She and her parents had attended
his wedding about a month earlier. Hagrid was pretty much just the same as when she had graduated,
except that now he was learning to enjoy life more with his new wife. There was no arguing with the
fact that Hagrid had become so much happier ever since he had met Madame Maxime!

Many people had been present at his wedding, from Hermione’s old school friend Susan Bones to
Professor Dumbledore himself. Hermione had caught up with all her old schoolmates, including Ron
Weasley and his wife....

Hermione’s frown returned as thoughts of Ron led her to thoughts of her other best friend, Harry
Potter. The two had of course been best friends at Hogwarts, never separable. Then, one day,
everything seemed to have changed. Hermione had suddenly started noticing all the little details
about Harry. His magical green eyes, his wonderful jet-black hair and how good it looked when it
was messy, that goofy grin that just made you feel like you were on top of the world.... she had
even started predicting how he was going to respond to everything, and she was nearly always right.
It was like she knew Harry inside and out, completely and thoroughly.

Hermione had tried to dismiss this as one of the qualities of best friendship, but when she had
started fantasizing about Harry nearly 24/7, she began to realize that this was much more than just
that.

Too soon, however, the end of their seventh year had come, and everyone had graduated and moved
on. Ron had of course married his beautiful girlfriend, Luna Lovegood, and now the pair had
adorable twin boys, Mark James and Jason Harry. Neville had found his life partner in Susan Bones,
and Seamus Finnigan, in Lavender Brown. Coincidentally, Seamus’s best friend Dean Thomas and
Lavender’s best friend Parvati Patil had also fallen in love and gotten married. A year later,
Draco Malfoy, who had turned to the good side when Voldemort was defeated by Harry in their seventh
year, married Ginny Weasley, Ron’s younger sister. And, of course, Hagrid had just gotten wedded to
Madame Maxime. It seemed as if everybody except Harry and Hermione had fallen in love and gotten
married.

Hermione had accepted a job as a salesperson in a cozy little bookshop in Diagon Alley. Harry
had gone on as an Auror, a job Hermione knew he hated because he had to constantly fight against
Voldemort’s remaining supporters, most of whom were Death Eaters.

After graduation, the two hadn’t seen or spoken to each other even once. Harry had immediately
left for Auror training, and Hermione to establish herself in the wizarding world. Ron, of course,
had gotten married and then gone on to become manager of the Chudley Cannons, his dream job since
childhood. The famous trio, dubbed the “Dream Team” by many, had split up, and, as feared, had not
been in touch with one another for a long, long time. Harry and Hermione had zero correspondence
with each other. Neither of them knew even where the other lived now. Hermione talked to Ron about
once every three or so months, who said that he’d only spoken to Harry once himself after they all
left Hogwarts.

Hermione had finally realized about a month after graduation that she was in love with Harry,
her best friend since her first year at Hogwarts. It had taken separation from him to realize it,
but she finally had, and then she missed everything about him so incredibly much that it broke her
heart to even think of him.

Hermione sighed, and slowly laid the letter down. She got out a fresh piece of parchment, ink,
and a quill, and sat there, wondering if she was making the right decision. Then, with a sort of
determined air, she hurriedly started putting words to paper as soon as they came to mind:

*August 1st*

*Dear Professor Dumbledore,*

*I graciously accept your proffered teaching position, and am pleased that you have selected
me for this honourable job. I will await the coming information in your next owl.*

*Thanking you,*

*Hermione J. Granger*

Hermione dropped her quill and stretched back, reading her letter. When she finally decided it
was perfect, she sent it off to Hogwarts with her trusty owl, Bouillebaisse, named in the memory of
one of the many fun times she had had with her two best friends, Harry and Ron. As soon as
Bouillebaisse had left, Crookshanks, her cat, came over and nuzzled her legs, wanting
attention.

Sighing, and sincerely praying that she had made the right decision, Hermione lifted Crookshanks
onto her lap and just sat there, stroking him gently.

*~*

On August 10th, the newly instated Professor Granger arrived at the Hogwarts School of
Witchcraft and Wizardry. There to greet her off the Hogwarts Express were Professor Dumbledore and
Professor McGonagall.

“Miss Granger,” whispered Professor McGonagall as she crushed her in a tight hug, tears welling
up in her eyes, “how *are* you?”

“Doing... okay,” Hermione replied, getting choked up herself.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Ahem - ladies?” he said.

McGonagall and Hermione pulled away from each other and laughed. “Goodness, Albus,” said
Minerva, “do be a little more charitable, would you? Miss Granger has just arrived here after an
absence of more than four years. Should we not be rejoicing?”

Dumbledore smiled. “We are, indeed, very fortunate and happy to have you with us, Miss- er,
excuse me- *Professor* Granger,” he said. “I’m sure you will enjoy teaching here very much.”
Then his tone changed, and he continued, “And I trust that you have been keeping in touch with your
friend Mr. Potter?”

Hermione lowered her head and slowly felt a faint blush spread across her face. Her heart made
some weird little skipping motions at the mention of Harry’s name. She shook her head and mumbled
“no” very softly.

“No?” asked Professor McGonagall, shocked. “You don’t say... well, at least you’ll be able to
catch up with him now. Did I tell you that he’s a professor here, too?”

Hermione’s head snapped up. “He- *is*?” she whispered, in shock. *Oh no, oh no, oh no,
what, oh no, what, what?!?!?!*

McGonagall nodded. “We requested him to fill the spot of our Defense Against the Dark Arts
professor this year,” she said. “Now that *he’s* of age, the spot should be filled for more
than just one year. After all, nobody can forget how he defeated the Dark Lord at the mere age of
*seventeen*!”

Hermione nodded, but she was barely listening. *Harry?* Also *a professor at
Hogwarts?* *After all these years, how in the world was she supposed to act towards him? What
the? What was going on? What-*

“Miss- Granger?”

Hermione jumped, and suddenly became aware of Professor McGonagall looking at her with a worried
expression on her face. “Miss Granger?” she repeated. “Are you feeling all right?”

Hermione forced a smile and nodded. “Oh, fine,” she responded, trying to keep her voice neutral.
“I was just a bit- tired. Do you think I could be shown my living quarters, please?”

“Oh, of course, of course,” cut in Professor Dumbledore smoothly. “Come along, then. No need to
drag your luggage, I’ll just Apparate it in. Oh, goodness me, whatever am I thinking, it’s not
possible to Apparate inside the Hogwarts grounds. Well, we’ll just have to hover it then.”

He raised his wand and muttered something, and the trunks and baggage rose from the ground and
hovered in front of Dumbledore.

“Shall we go, then?” he asked, and he, McGonagall, and Hermione set off for the castle,
Hermione’s luggage moving steadily in front of them.

Hermione was so engrossed in her worries about Harry that she barely noticed the familiar
Hogwarts grounds around her. The lake, the Forbidden Forest (which was still Forbidden, with a
capital F), Hagrid’s cabin (although now it was called the gamekeeper’s cabin because Hagrid was of
course no longer at Hogwarts)....

“Well, here we are,” announced Dumbledore as they came to a stop before a small portrait of
Hericale the Humbug.

Hermione jumped again. They were already inside the castle! She must have been so engrossed in
thinking about Harry that she hadn’t noticed entering the school. Then, she blinked and peered more
closely at the portrait. It was about two feet by two feet in diameter. Even if it did somehow
swing open, how in the world were they supposed to get inside?

She looked at Dumbledore quizzically, who was watching her and smiling with rather of a twinkle
in his eye.

“Watch,” he said simply. He turned to the portrait. Then, he shouted unexpectedly, “Bloody hell,
you scumbag!!!”

Hermione leapt what seemed like five feet into the air and turned to stare at Dumbledore. She
was completely. And totally. Shocked. Never, ever, *ever* in her life had she heard Dumbledore
curse. Speak softly? Yes. Speak wittily? Yes. Speak in confusing rhymes? Yes. But *curse*?
Never.

Dumbledore was smiling, or rather, grinning broadly. He motioned towards the portrait with his
head, and Hermione turned to look.

There, she recieved the second shock of her life. The portrait had swung open and enlarged,
revealing a large hole leading into what looked like a cozy common room. Beyond it she could see
several pairs of staircases.

She turned back to look at Dumbledore, now grinning herself. “Wha- ?” she managed to say. “How-
?”

“Oh, for goodness sakes, Albus,” huffed Professor McGonagall. “Enough with the secretive thing.”
She turned to Hermione. “You’ve got to insult Hericale, dear,” she explained, “and then he’ll
enlarge and swing right open.”

“Right you are, Minerva,” agreed Dumbledore as he climbed into the room. Hermione and McGonagall
followed him. “Now, this is the common room, of course,” he said. “Very nice place to relax,
indeed. And these staircases,” he continued, pointing to them, “four in all, lead to the different
House teachers’ dorms. That would be Minerva’s, Severus’s, Filius’s, and Professor Sprout’s rooms.
These other staircases,” he went on, pointing to them, “lead to the other teachers’ dorms. These
are just randomly assigned. You will find *your* room up this stairway,” he said, leading her
over to one in the other wall. It will have your name in a plaque right next to the door.” He
smiled and said, “And I think that is all there is to it! Do you have any questions at all?
Concerns? Needs? Difficulties?”

Hermione smiled and nodded at her luggage, which was still hovering in front of Dumbledore.

“Oh yes, of course,” mused Dumbledore. “Well, I believe that I can use the object appearance and
disappearance charm for your luggage, instead of Apparition.” He raised his wand and said clearly,
“Objecti Transportus.” The luggage immediately disappeared.

“There we are,” said Professor McGonagall, satisfied. She turned to Hermione. “Now you rest up,
and see if you can make it down for dinner in a couple hours.”

Hermione smiled. “Thank you, so very much,” she managed to say. “Thank you, really, thank
you.”

Dumbledore and McGonagall both smiled at her and, after a few last goodbyes, left through the
portrait hole.

Hermione sighed and looked at the staircase. As she mounted the carpeted steps, her mind was
filled with worry over Harry. How was she supposed to react when she saw him? All her different
feelings for him were crowding around in her mind. Fear, hurt, longing, compassion,
anger...sympathy...*love*....

She sighed again as she reached the top of the staircase. There, a few doors down, she saw a
door with a plaque on it that read “Professor Hermione J. Granger”. She smiled, rather sadly, and
opened the door softly. Beyond it lay a beautiful room furnished with the most beautiful
accessories. Hermione smiled again and started to enter, but then froze. Her gaze slowly focused on
the door next to hers.

The plaque on it read “Professor Harry Potter”.

Hermione just stared at it as nostalgic memories crashed down on her mind and a wave of tears
threatened to spill over. Fighting to keep them down, she entered her room, closing the door behind
her.

The room looked cozy and inviting, with a fire already burning in the grate. With a long, sad
sigh, Hermione glanced at her luggage, which was standing neatly in a corner of the room, and then
flung herself onto the large, comfy bed.

A soft click of the door opening caught her attention, and she turned around to see who the
visitor was.

It was Harry.

*~*

For one long moment, Hermione just stared at the boy she hadn’t seen for four long years... her
best friend... her closest companion *ever*... the love of her life....

“Harry...” she softly whispered....

....and in the next instant, she was in his arms, sobbing into his shoulder. The tears which had
threatened to come a few minutes ago were now freely flowing down her face, and she clung to Harry
tightly, as if afraid someone would step in and take him away from her.

Harry, too, was crying, his arms wrapped tightly around Hermione, who also happened to be the
love of *his* life. He felt like he’d never, ever, *ever* want to let go of her
again.

“Harry...” whispered Hermione again as she pulled her head back. “How... *are* you?”

Harry shrugged and bit his lip, looking away. Hermione could see that he was fighting to keep
back tears. “I’m- just doing great-” he choked out in an unnaturally high voice. “Just- fine-” His
voice broke and he broke down, tears flooding his face.

“Oh, Harry,” said Hermione sadly as she hugged him to her. “We’ve both been through a lot. It’s
no wonder you’re not fine.”

Harry shook his head. “No...” he started softly. “Not... hard times. There haven’t- there
haven’t been many. I- I’ve been running away,” he admitted chokily. “Hiding- from someone- from
someone who- I can’t *stand* to hide from- from you....” he trailed off, tears shining in his
eyes as he stared imploringly at Hermione.

Hermione felt tears welling up in her eyes, too, as she pulled away from Harry’s warm embrace
and stepped back. “But- how *could* you?” she choked. “*Why*?! You defeated Voldemort,
then what?! Just abandon everyone close to you, why don’t you?!” She took a deep, shuddering breath
and then continued, “You walked away from Platform 9 & 3/4 four years ago and never looked
back. I haven’t heard a single word from you since then. You spoke to Ron once, but what about me?!
The last time *I* talked to you was *on* 9 & 3/4!!! How could you *do* this to
me, Harry??!!” she choked out, sinking to her knees and looking up into his shocked face. “How
could you run away from me when I most needed you- when I most wanted you- when I was falling...
*in love* with you?!”

She trailed off, sinking to the floor in a heap, and buried her face in her arms, sobbing for
all that she was worth. She hardly noticed that she had just admitted her love for Harry -
*to* Harry.

Almost immediately, two strong, warm arms enveloped her and gently turned her head to face
his.

“The *only* reason I *ever* left you,” whispered Harry to her, his bright green eyes
only centimeters away from her warm cinnamon ones, “was because I was trying to run away from my
love, deep love, for you. But I soon realized that this isn’t possible, to run away from your love.
Your love will *always* be there. And now, I know *you* love me - and I love you,
too.”

And with those words, he gently lowered his lips to hers in a soft kiss that shared much, much
more than words could ever share - the feeling of love.



