Darcy by cosmopolitan411

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 7
Published: 19/04/2008
Last Updated: 19/04/2008
Status: Completed

somehow her plans just never seemed to turn out quite as she had imagined they would.




1. one-shot
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**Disclaimer:** *I really would look terrible as a blond…*

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**Darcy**

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**Summary:** *somehow her plans just never seemed to turn out quite as she had imagined
they would.*

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**Challenge:** *write a fic inspired by a Disney song.*

**Assigned song:** *“So Close” from “Enchanted”*

--

“It's just not right.”

“What isn't?” came the bored reply to her statement.

“*Him*,” she exclaimed, totally unaware of just how vague she was being with the
overdramatic reply. “I mean look at him, what the hell is up with the bloody bastard?”

“Oh… *that* him.”

She glared, giving him a scandalized look. “Don't mock me; you very well know who I'm
talking about.”

“You're just lucky,” he retorted a frown, one that did nothing to diminish the smug look on
her face. “Besides, I thought that you'd be the first one to congratulate him on having lost
interest in those slags,” he muttered, focusing on his book, merely responding more so to appease
her and not have his head handed to him by the violent chit.

She laughed slightly. “Yeah, I should be, but… *I* *don**'**t*
*know*. He's my mate above all else, and I'd rather have him be a happy, randy little
slag of a man than some emo bloke with whom I have to spend the majority of my days.”

“That's not self-centered at all,” he quipped.

“Yeah, but I never denied that fact,” she said with a shrug as she threw a piece of the baguette
she was eating at him. “What happened anyway? It's James-*bloody*-Potter for Christ's
sake; he's always got his tongue down a girl's throat at dinner, but, for the past two
weeks, *nada*. It's all just so damn random; one day, fuck-bunny by his side and then, the
next day *poof*, she's gone forever.”

“You're retarded,” he told her in a deadpanned voice.

Lily, however, paid no heed to his remark. “You know what we sho0udl do-”

“*We*?” came his panicked response, one that she, yet again, ignored.

“We should find him a girlfriend!”

“Since when have I ever been into matchmaking?”

She beamed at him. “There's a first time for everything Remmy.”

“And then there's a not going to ever happen.”

--

“I can't believe you actually managed to get me to do this,” he grumbled as the two lay on
the plush sofa in her quarters at the Heads” dormitory.

“Ah the wonders of bribery and coercion,” she smirked, obviously very proud of her achievement.
“*Anyway*, I put together a list of all the at least passingly attractive girls in the sixth
and seventh year-”

“Passingly attractive?”

“well let's be honest with ourselves, James is a great mate and all, but he's pretty
damn shallow.—my guess is that it probably comes from the copious amounts of product he uses, there
is no chance in hell that all those fumes are good for his mental health.”

“That's if he was ever even mentally sane,” Remus quipped.

She grinned. “Oh how I do love your biting little remarks Remmy-poo.”

He chuckled as he turned his attention to the papers she had strewn about the coffee table
before them. “So I have a question,” Remus said as he looked at Lily's list of names—slags
already crossed out with a rather biting remark by each of their names. “Why aren't you on this
list, you're passingly attractive.”

Lily snorted. “Gee, *thanks*.”

“You didn't answer my question Lils,” he persisted in a slightly sing-song voice.

She shrugged. “We're mates, saw no reason to.”

Remus nodded and at that moment Lily could have sworn that she saw a scary likeness to Yoda.
“All he has to do is start speaking in the passive and turn green.”

“Pardon?” Remus asked, looking up from the list where he had been making a few notes.

“Nothing,” Lily said with a slight blush. “Didn't actually mean to say that out loud.”

“You're an idiot.”

“And yet you love me regardless,” she pointed out.

He groaned. “Please don't remind me of that fact; I try to ignore it as much as I can.
Anyway, I'd go for her,” he told her, moving the parchment so that it was in her line of
vision.

“Jane Fitz?! Don't you think she's a little… well… *Fitzy*?”

He cocked an eyebrow at her as he gave her a quizzical look. “*Fitzy*? Are you stupid?”

“Are you even capable of ever being nice?” she retorted automatically, seemingly as if the
exchange of insults between them was a regular occurrence, which, in all reality, they were.

He rolled his eyes, he obviously wasn't going to get anywhere on that matter. *Bloody
chit*. “Listen, she's smart, pretty, fun to talk to, has big… *eyes*-”

“Eyes?” Lily asked in disbelief, well aware of the innuendo there.

He nodded eagerly. “Yeah, eyes.”

“*Sure*,” she said with a nod.

“So you never really even told me how you're planning on getting him to agree to do this,”
Remus commented, eager to give any excuse to escape the direction that that dangerous conversation
seemed to be going in.

“I'll find a way,” she vaguely responded, obviously trying to evade the question.

“You know, that's never a really assuring thing to hear from you Lils.”

“Go to hell. *Prat*.”

He sighed as he leaned back into the couch, rubbing his temples. “Maybe you should just let all
of this go. I mean, he has his reasons, just let him be, trust him.”

“Not until I hear a good reason as to why I should,” came Lily's stubborn response that had
Remus ready to tear his hair out.

“Then why not ask him if he actually wants to do this? Have you ever even considered what he
might be feeling?”

She rolled her eyes. “Just go with me on this Remmy, don't get so overly complicated. You
ask Jane if she's interested, which we both know she is, and I'll get the man-whore to
agree. Fair?—Fair.”

He groaned. “Don't I have *any* say in this?”

“You picked the girl, I'd say that that's more than enough say,” she waved him off
noncommittally.

--

“You *what*?!”

“Don't be so loud James! I'm trying to have a private conversation with you here, I
don't need the entire dormitory hearing you,” Lily reasoned as the two sat on the window sill
of an unusually empty Gryffindor common room, one which she had deemed the perfect opportunity to
launch “mission to whore”—as she had so lovingly named it, much to Rebus's chagrin.

“Lily, are you stupid?” he asked her through gritted teeth, simultaneously clenching his jaw and
fists as he resisted the urge to try to shake some sense into the girl—not that that would ever
have any effect on her anyway.

“Now you're very well aware of the fact that I'm not, James, and don't be so
overdramatic.”

“Where the hell do you get off setting me up with someone—I may not even like her.”

“You will, Remus even gave her his stamp of approval,” she told him with a wide smile, praying
that he would stop being so stubborn and just accept already. Besides, it wasn't as if he was
ever going to say no to her, so why not cut the middle man out and stop wasting her time with all
this resilience-crap?

“Lily, I'm just not in the mood for any of that,” he told her with a groan. “Can't you
just let it go?”

That was new. He'd never said anything like that before. She couldn't help but wonder
what the hell was going on with him, this just wasn't acceptable—he was so un-James when he
acted all serious and morbid like that.

“But it'll be fun,” she protested. “Come on, I need someone to come with me on this date I
have with that blond Ravenclaw beater. I'm actually still not sure if I like *him* so much
as his body so I wanted to have someone to double date with on the off chance that the conversation
sucks.”

“You're going out with Jakers McGill?!” he asked her in disbelief.

“Oi, don't call him Jakers, you very well know that he's names Jake.”

“It sounds more Irish like that,” he muttered stubbornly.

She shook her head disbelievingly a she heard that pathetic reasoning. “That's the most
retarded thing I've ever heard—the excuse *and* the actual nickname.”

He glared at her before saying “I'll go,”

She couldn't help but relish the sigh of defeat that accompanied his words, but that
didn't change the fact that she was shocked by how easily he gave in. “what?!”

“I'm sure as hell not letting you go on a date with that randy prick without my supervision,
so I'll go—I'll do it.”

“You know that's got to be the worst logic I've ever heard.”

“But I'm going so what should it matter to you anyway?”

She shrugged before nodding slightly. “True.”

--

“You actually got him to go?” asked an incredulous Remus.

“Yep,” she told him, beaming proudly.

“How the hell did you manage to pull that one off? Last I heard this indefinite break from
dating would *definitely* be one to last.”

Her eyes widened as she heard that comment, a wide smile overtaking her face as the deeper
meaning of that confession became apparent to her. “Wait, you talked to him?—what did he say?—Why
is he acting so weird?” she sprouted off, throwing random questions at him like there was no
tomorrow, all slightly incomprehensible given the speed at which they were coming at Remus.

“He didn't say anything, and, unlike some people, I am actually capable of respecting a
person's privacy,” she groaned. “What good is respecting his privacy when he's so obviously
miserable—you can't change anything, make anything better with that M.O. you dolt.”

“Because your theory's working out *so* well,” he sarcastically quipped.

“It will, you just wait and see, it will,” she resolutely told him, totally assured of that
fact.

--

“No way!” she shrieked in disbelief as she popped another chip into her mouth, desperately
trying to chew the food without choking on it from her laughter.

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, the poor kid just rammed into the hoop. I don't even know
what he was hoping to achieve in the first place, that certainly wouldn't have counted as a
goal had he actually managed to get the quaffle through the hoop.”

“Oh god,” Lily moaned, “that's horrible.”

“Needless to say, he didn't make it onto the team.”

She nodded. “Figured as much… *wow*, though, I really thought you Ravenclaws produced
smarter people than *that*.”

“Ah, well, stereotypes are overrated anyway,” he told her with a good natured laugh.

“*Well*, will you look at the time,” a deep voice interrupted the two. “I actually have to
go… have a meeting with Minnie over an issue with a detention of mine,” James said with a tight
smile as he got out of his seat. “it was really nice meeting you Jane, I hope to have a chance to
get to know you a bit better some other time,” he told her with a charming wink that caused a slew
of giggles to ensue as he gave her a peck on the cheek. “Oh, and don't worry about the bill, I
already had Rosemary put it on my tab.”

Lily watched, utterly dumbstruck, as James stalked out of the Three Broomsticks. Bloody prick
was *lying*. “I'm so sorry to do this, but I should go with him. I need to convince
McGonagall not to be too tough on him,” she lied easily as she brightly smiled at her date.

“Yeah… sure, I understand; mates first, right?” he told her, but it was obvious that he was more
than a little put off by the fact that she was *actually* leaving to help a friend. “Some
other time, yeah?”

She nodded. “*definitely*.—Bye Jane,” she added as an after thought as she made her way to
the doors.

Once outside Lily found herself lost in a mess of students, desperately searching for that idiot
who had the gall to walk out on a ate that she had spent so much energy planning to help *him*
get out of *his* damn funk. *Ungrateful bastard*.

She was, however, lucky enough to have left soon enough to be able to spot that infamous wild
mess of raven hair not too far from the pub/ “James, James!” she called out as she ran towards
him.

Once finally reaching the arse she asked him, incredulously, “what the hell is wrong with you?
How can you just walk out on a date like that?”

“Just let it go,” he gruffly told her as he kept on walking towards the castle.

“No, I won't just let it go,” she told him, latching onto his arm so she could forcefully
turn him to face her. “Tell what's wrong because this is getting ridiculous.”

What came next, however… that one she would never have expected in a million years. It all just
happened so fast; suddenly his hands were cupping her face, pulling her to him, and, before she
knew it, he was kissing her. *And she responded*.

She didn't know how it all happened, but it was like an out 0of body experience—as if she
had no control over any of her actions. Before she knew it, she was parting her mouth for him, and
then—well, after that one, the rest was history, simple as that.

“I don't know why, I don't know how, but I just happened,” he huskily told her after
breathlessly separating himself from her. “I mean you're not even the type of girl that I
usually go for—you *are* sexy as hell and all that,” he added as an after thought. “But-”

“She snorted. “Thanks.”

James, however, continues rambling, paying her comment absolutely no heed. “but you're a
total klutz—and then you also have the oddest ides at times—and, for some odd reason or another,
you have this delusional notion in your head that you can help everyone, you'd often rather
just read a good book than go out and get pissed—and you're a right slob, it's actually
pretty disgusting really—and you call me an arse, you mock me incessantly, you ridicule me-”

“Okay, I get it James,” she stiffly told him.

“*No*, let me finish,” he persisted. “But somehow despite *all* of that I couldn't
help but become mates with you—and now you're one of my best friends. And somehow, how is
totally beyond me, I fell for you along the way,” he admitted with an absolutely befuddled look
that marred his face.

She let out a deep sigh, quickly taking the classic “angry female pose” by placing both hands on
her hips and cocking a daring eyebrow at him.

“You don't look very happy,” James noted, clearly bewildered by the fact that she wasn't
more receptive to his words.

“That would be because I'm not,” she told him through gritted teeth as she smiled at him
tightly.

“May I, by any chance, ask why?”

She rolled her eyes as she shook her head in disbelief. “Did you honestly think that that whole
Darcy approach to your bloody declaration of love would pan out? In case you forgot, he got
rejected because of that awful tirade-”

“Oi, he got the chit in the end,” James defended.

“*Yeah*, when he could come up with more than a string of insults and an “I still love
you—don't know how though,” you damn arse. I'm very well aware of my faults, James; I
don't need you to reiterate them for me! What the help do you even expect me to say in response
to that? I mean, first, you spring this on me like that, and I haven't even had a moment to
mull it all over, and then there's the fact that this was all horribly unromantic-”

“I thought you always said that you weren't much of a romantic anyway,” James argued.

She let out an exasperated sigh as she tried to resist the growing urge to strangle the berk.
“Every girl wants more than a rant on how she's sloppy and boring Potter.”

“I was getting to that though,” he persisted nonetheless.

“Don't even try James; God, you can be so full of it sometimes!” she cried out in
aggravation as she glared at the idiot.

“Lily,” he said, grabbing hold of her arms for fear that she'd leave. “it's not like
that, I mean—I realize that it all came out wrong, but I was just trying to say that there's
something about you…”

“There's something about me?” she asked in disbelief, cocking her head to the side as she
gave him a puzzled look.

“Yeah,” he adamantly defended his prior statement, even nodding his head vigorously to emphasize
the point. “There's something that's magnetic about you, and somehow everything just become
so discombobulated—all those things that *should* be flaws somehow aren't anymore.
It's not even that they're so endearing or anything-”

“Wait—so they're not even endearing?” she asked incredulously, obviously losing her patience
with the blundering idiot.

“Oi, you bloody chit, will you just let me get a thought out before you pounce on me?” he
exclaimed, groaning in frustration.

“Don't call me a chit, you—you *pillock*!”

“And you say that I have a one tracked mind,” he muttered.

She gave him a highly over dramatized scathing look before slapping his arm. “You're such a
berk, you dolt.”

“That didn't even make any sense,” he complained.

“It did.”

He shook his head slightly as he grinned to himself.

“What—what are you laughing at?”

“This—*us*,” he said with a chuckle.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “What about us?”

“This is why I can't explain it. *This*—this makes us *us*. This is what makes it
work, we just click. We have fun, we mock one another, and you slowly, but surely, emasculate me,”
he said, admittedly, slightly bewildered by his own logic. “It's indescribable because it makes
absolutely no sense. It's had me confused for ages; I couldn't, for the life of me, figure
out what it was, but I think I know now?”

“You do?” she asked weakly.

A smile tugged at his lips as he whispered a quite “yeah,” one hand letting go of her arm so he
could brush a stray hair out of her face. “I think I something managed to fall in love or like with
you along the way—not really able to differentiate between the two, to tell you the truth.”

“Why would you go and do something stupid like that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Well I didn't have much control over it, you know.”

“Huh,” she said, nodding slowly as she lightly bit her lip, entering her own world—making a
quick pro and con list in her head.

“*Lily*, just tell me. Do you think that there's any chance for us—don't
overanalyze it now because you'll just look for some loophole then, and I'm *really*
not in the mood for finding a way around that one-”

“I don't know though,” she quietly admitted, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her
jeans.

“You don't know?” he repeated dumbly.

She shook her head shyly as a red tint quickly began overtaking her face. “No… not really.”

“Why not?”

“It's you and me, James. You're a total man-whore, I'm a total commitment-phoebe;
how can you expect us to stand a chance in hell? Don't you think it's too much of a risk to
our friendship?”

He shrugged. “It could also result in a pretty damn good shag.”

“James,” she moaned, “tries to be serious!”

“I don't know what to tell you, Lils, I don't know what you want to hear. The truth is
we might be the worst couple know to man—but, somehow, I just doubt it's true. For months
I've tried to deny it to myself, tell myself that there's no way we could possibly work out
without tearing each other's heads off—but, honestly, I don't think that's possible,
I'm positive we'd be great together.”

Her mouth twitched slightly as she tried to resist the small smile that was trying to make its
way onto her face. “See, that's he side of Darcy that Elizabeth fell for.—that's the one
that got him voted sexiest man in England.”

He laughed. “Does that mean what I think it means then?”

“Oh don't tell me you're so stupid that you can't even figure that one out Potter,
you really how to get yourself some common sense if you expect me to stay with you. Now, let's
go buy a ton of chocolate and head back to our dorms for some privacy,” she told his with a smile
as she pulled him towards the Shoppe.

*A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close*

*-“So Close”*

**Fin.**

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