Live For The One You Love by Gillian Halliwell

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 23/09/2004
Last Updated: 23/09/2004
Status: Completed

Answering to Liss's ficathon, challenge: "Harry with Hermione on her deathbed. The
Potters have to face the imminent death of Hermione. Harry and their children must prepare to get
through life without her.




1. Lay It Dowm
--------------

**Author Notes:** This story is dedicated to Paola, though I doubt she'll ever read this.
Is dedicated to her, because of her strength and her courage, I'll never forget. Something
about you makes me believe your mother is looking after you, wherever she is. May your life be full
of happiness and blessings. Cheers!

A special dedication for Gil (galigad), because I love you, and because life without our
brotherhood will not be the same. Hugs!

To the whole of the HMS Pumpkin Pie, and the whole of Portkey (Specially to the PP Army), to any
H/Hr shipper out there, cheers! Here's a celebration for the end we all hope we'll be able
to share. Sarah (Bingblot) once said, "Because we all know H/Hr is going to happen, we just
don't know how or when!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"If I'm gone when you wake up*

*Please don't cry*

*And if I'm gone when you wake up*

*Don't ask why*

*Don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress*

*Remember me, remember me*

*'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams"*

*~Hanson*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Her clothes were soaking wet. She was walking under the pouring rain, along the same street she
had walked not five minutes ago. She had actually been walking in circles around the same block.
All she had wanted was to get away from that room. From the coldness of that room, from the sound
of the monitors and the footsteps of doctors as they ran through the hallways. And so she had been
walking the same block for some good fifteen minutes, with the rain falling upon her, her clothes
wet and her shoes splashing water. But she didn't feel any better.

She was walking now again towards the main entrance, and, just like all the other times, she was
thinking of turning on her heels and walk the other way, then she saw him.

He was standing on the corner opposite to where she was, he was also soaking wet, his mass of
black hair falling all over his face, unable to be tamed as usual. His glasses dropping water on
his cheeks, and his cloak stuck to him. And she knew what he found when he saw her. Red hair stuck
wet to her scalp, green eyes shining bright with the sparkle of tears and water, her beige coat, a
present from him, soaking wet, leaving huge drops on the ground she walked.

She didn't realise when she did it, but she was eagerly walking to meet him, she was
*running*<> to meet him, her shoes splashing the puddles she came across, the weight of
her wet coat holding her back. He came towards her until they met, at the foot of the stairs that
led into the main entrance she had been avoiding for fifteen minutes.

He held her in his arms until she felt herself fall helplessly in his embrace. He stroked her
hair in the same way that he had been doing for the past nineteen years, running his fingers over
her scalp, as if striping away whatever that was bothering her. Only he knew how to do that. It was
a way of comforting her that Lily had come to associate only with Harry. But right now, it
didn't help that he was trying to comfort her, not one bit.

She was crying with her face buried in his neck, smelling the essence of him, his fatherly
essence. She wasn't trying to comfort him back, she knew that she couldn't. She was
selfishly holding him to find support, not to give it back. But she knew he didn't care, he
didn't care she wasn't trying to support him back, because Lily knew, in some deep part of
her, that her father had always been braver than the whole lot of them in a way that they - not
even him - could measure. He was brave in a way that none of them had ever achieved. Except
perhaps, her mother. But thinking about Hermione pained Lily too much, so she had been fooling
herself, avoiding the subject while she walked under the rain, thinking only about herself. Now,
Harry was here, and she could think about Hermione, because, even if it hurt, Harry was there for
her. And now it was time to face reality again.

"I couldn't do it!" she cried helplessly into his neck. "I couldn't stay
there any longer, I tried, I swear I tried, but I couldn't do it!" Lily didn't hear a
response from her father when she spoke those words, because she knew he was crying also.
"Dad, I can't do it!" she cried, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm not capable!
I can't, I ... I'm -"

"Then you're just going to have to be really brave!" Harry sobbed taking her head
with one hand and holding her close. "You'll just have to be very strong, Lily!"

"But I don't want to be strong, dad!" she cried. "I want to be five years old
and hide behind your cloak!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"What are you doing this evening?*

*Remain a little longer*

*It must be this atmosphere*

*But don't say 'no'*

*What a need there was*

*To love you a little so quickly?"*

*~Sarah Brightman*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry handed Lily a steamy mug, he had dried her clothes and hair with a spell and she felt warm
now. Nevertheless, she was still trembling. Harry kneeled in front of her and looked in her face
with concern.

"Feeling better?" he asked quietly.

Lily nodded, biting her lower lip so she won't cry anymore. Harry nodded back and sat
besides her, holding another steamy cup.

"Who's upstairs?" he asked.

"James, and Ally," she replied.

"Long ago?" he asked again, taking a sip from his drink.

"Like half an hour ago," she answered.

"You can drink that you know," he said with a shadow of a smile.

"I know," she replied.

"And you do know that you can also have a bit of an emotional breakdown every once in a
while," he said, again drinking from his mug.

"I know." Lily took a deep breath and decided to take a sip from the drink.
"Hey," she said and Harry turned to look at her. "Thanks," she muttered.

"Welcome," he replied, kissing her cheek. "Just Super Dad doing his
job,"

"Thanks anyway," she said.

"Ready to go up?" he asked. Lily took another deep breath, a sip from her mug, and
nodded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"Lay it down*

*Make it alright*

*Lay it down*

*I'll hold you so tight*

*Before the moment lies*

*It's gonna be alright*

*Lay it down, come on*

*Lay it down tonight"*

*~Aerosmith*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The room smelled of a hospital room. Harry hadn't been to a hospital room many times but he
did recognise the smell. And it was stupid, he had thought, to think that the room smelled like a
hospital room, because it *was* a hospital room. And so the fact that it smelled of a hospital
room was perfectly normal. And he didn't like it.

He didn't like that he could feel the smell of the room, even if he was standing in the door
of the elevator, on the opposite end of the hallway. He didn't like that it was through the
whole corridor that he could feel the smell. He had once heard about people feeling the smell of
death, he thought it was rubbish. Nowadays, he *knew* that the smell of death contained a
portion of the smell of hospital room in it. And he hated it.

And he knew Ally and Lily and James also hated it. And Hermione hated it. He could see it in
Ally's eyes that she hated it, he could see it in the way she ran to him when she met up with
him and Lily, just as they came out of the elevator.

"Pumpkin!" he whispered in the softness of his daughter's hair. Hair the colour of
Hermione's. Impossible to be tamed, like his, but the colour of Hermione's. Ally was hiding
her little face in the crook of his neck, grabbing at it with a tremendous force, with a force able
to amaze Harry, but she wasn't crying. She had cried for days, every day, every night, with
Harry, with James with Lily and with Hermione. She had been crying non stop. But then, two days
ago, out of nowhere, she just stopped crying. She came out of Hermione's room, with her face
flushed and stained with dried tears, but then, from then on, she had not cried another tear. Harry
had wanted to know why, he had even asked Lily, had tried to ask James but in the end, neither
knew. And he didn't dare ask Hermione, not because she won't trust him to tell him, but
because she would. And, Harry knew, whatever words Ally and Hermione had had between them, was
between them and only them. It was something that was better kept between the mother and the
daughter, and he wasn't going to change that.

Not even if the strength with which his daughter grabbed him made him want to shatter into
pieces right there in the middle of a hospital hallway.

"Dad," James said as Ally let go slowly of Harry's neck.

"James," he answered. "Why are you both out, who's inside, did something
happened?"

"No, not really," James said slowly, as if trying not to give Harry a shock.

"What do you mean not really?" he asked, passing Ally to Lily.

"Nothing's wrong, dad," James said slowly. "It's only, the person inside
with mum, is Ron."

"Ron?" Harry asked. "Ron's in here?" he felt himself breathing in
relief, giving a silent thanks to the heavens, for bringing Ron there.

"He is," James said. "He just got into London about an hour ago, he came here
right away."

Ron had been working with Fred and George ever since they had all left school. On latest years,
Ron had been travelling a lot. A week working in Paris, a month in Sidney, two weeks in India...
non stop. A week ago, when the whole thing had started, he had been around, but had left a couple
of days after to Brazil. Only to find out that, actually, everything had gone wrong.

But now Harry knew, that whatever was ahead of them, he will not have to look down at the floor
and think "I wish Ron would be here". He was going to be there for him.

Thank whatever God there was for it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"There was a game we used to play*

*We would hit the town on Friday night*

*And stay in bed until Sunday*

*We used to be so free*

*We were living for the love we had*

*Living not for reality"*

*~The Cranberries*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mate" Ron said, as he gave Harry a typical manly hug, hitting his back with his
palms. And, as any typical manly hug, quick enough.

Harry stepped from Ron, and looked at him, years had not changed the difference of their
heights, but had changed the way with which they'd look at each other. Something had changed
that Harry could sense at times, at times like this. That Ron looked at him with more respect than
friendship since sometime Harry couldn't spot. Harry had never stopped to ask himself if there
was a reason for said change in their dynamics, because, deep down, he had always been sure that
some old day, when the three of them would be old and alone in a big house, he'd be able to ask
Ron himself, what that reason was. Although, very later on, he had started to realised there
probably wasn't going to be a time when the three of them will be old and alone.

He, and maybe Ron, were going to be old and alone.

And it was a hard thing to say, but he would change his longevity for hers.

"If the world is on your shoulders right now, and you feel like you want to drop it for a
bit," Ron said with a shadow of a smile. "I'll keep you company while you have a
break."

"Thanks," Harry answered. "I could use one,"

" I figure," Ron said as they took seats on an old white table on the hospital
cafeteria. "And therefore, if you want to talk about it, I listen, and if you don't,
I'll make out some conversation," Ron tried to catch Harry's eye. "Do
you?"

Harry was looking at the surface of the white table, with his mind completely gone.

"Do you?"

"You know," Harry said with bitterness. "The whole operation was about protecting
that girl." He looked at Ron, but he did a face to show that he was listening, but that he
couldn't understand. "And she's dead, the girl, she's dead." Harry took a
deep breath and looked again at the table. "And I just wish she wasn't, I don't know
why I do, but I do! I wish she wasn't dead. I wish I could look at her, and feel that this
wasn't just meant to happen like this. I wish that the tragedy that brought us to this point
hadn't been a tragedy. I wish it had gone alright."

"And you do know why?"

"I think I do," Harry muttered, squeezing his eyes shut. "Because then I'd
feel like this wasn't a plot from destiny to hide this huge secret from us, and then just drop
it over all of us like an ice cube, on a cold winter night. For no reason, with no ground, hiding
it and then dropping it just because. Like we're going to feel it less because it's a
shorter time that we've got."

"Did you know ..." Ron started tentatively. "... that she wants to go
home?"

"I do!" Harry said with a terrible impatience, running his fingers through his mass of
black hair in desperation. "I asked Seamus about it, and he said he didn't know, that he
was going to consider it." He looked at Ron, with tears already coming down his cheeks.
"What's in there to consider Ron? She's going to die! She's going to die and I
can't even take her home to have her die where she wants!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"If I could stay...*

*Then the night would give you up*

*Stay...and the day would keep its trust*

*Stay...with the demons you drowned*

*Stay...with the spirit I found*

*Stay...and the night would be enough*

*Three o'clock in the morning*

*It's quiet and there's no one around*

*Just the bang and the clatter*

*As an angel runs the ground"*

*~U2*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey there!" Lily said as she entered her mother's room.

"Hey" Hermione said. She was sitting with her back against the headboard. "How
was your walk?"

"Alright," she said, taking the chair at Hermione's right.

"Do you want to have a talk?" Hermione asked her daughter with a small smile on her
lips. Lily raised her right eyebrow and smiled back.

"A "talk" talk, or a *"talk"* talk?"

"I think a *talk* was what I meant!"

Lily shrugged and leaned against the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "Go ahead
then,"

"You know, just this morning," Hermione started, with a bright sparkle in her eyes.
"I was thinking, how, everything I know about love, I learned it from your father." She
spoke looking at the ceiling, and then turned to Lily. "Don't misunderstand me, I've
learned things from you and James and Ally, but, *romantic love*, everything I know is about
Harry." She took a deep breath. "I, don't think it could have been any other way,
romantic, passionate, dangerously in love, love, I learned it all from Harry." She chuckled
and looked at her sheets. "And why am I telling you this, instead of telling Harry?" she
shrugged. "Because -"

"He knows," Lily interrupted.

"Yes," Hermione breathed deeply and looked at her daughter with teary eyes. "He
knows." She suddenly broke into a smile. "You know there actually was a point for me to
have this conversation with you!"

"*Talk!*" Lily corrected. "A *talk*. And being it a *talk* I
figured there was a point."

"Well," Hermione breathed deeply again. "I wondered this morning," she
seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then carried on. "I was wondering, Lily, if you've
ever been in love?"

Lily froze a second on the spot, slightly taken aback by her mother's question. Making a
mental note to ask her later the reason for her question, Lily sighed.

"No, never," she said simply. "I've had times when I've thought I was,
but I've never *really* been in love."

"And," Hermione went on. "Do you know the reason?"

"As a matter of fact I do!" Lily said, surprising herself that she indeed *knew*
the reason why she had never been in love. "Because, I've worked hard not to fall in love.
I've convinced myself that I don't have time to fall in love!"

Lily was surprised to see that her mother did not find this piece of information one bit
surprising. Well, she thought, leave it to mum to know everything.

"But why, Lily?" she asked. "Do you know why?"

"Because, falling in love will hurt you!" Lily said desperately, leaning over her
mother's bed in desperation. "And I've convinced myself I have to protect me from
being hurt, from allowing someone to hurt me. Because I shouldn't have time to get
hurt!"

"But Lily!" Hermione said with tears in her eyes. "I fell in love with your
father, and we've hurt each other, over and over, because of many things, and it doesn't
matter. Because I've had the time of my life!"

Their *talk* turned into silence for a moment. Neither of them spoke, and Lily leaned
against her chair again, breathing deeply. Hermione looked at her expectantly, with her eyes still
sparkling with tears. Then, sighing as she spoke, Lily talked.

"I've never had the time of my life," she said quietly.

"Then, this, my love, I say it from the deepest of my heart," Hermione said, looking
into Lily's eyes. "What are you waiting for?"

The tears Lily had been holding since she entered the hallway with her father, exploded there.
She opened up her arms and hugged her mother, sitting in the side of her bed, allowing her tears to
fall over the top of her mother's hair.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"Got some questions to ask of you*

*In your blue room*

*The air is clean*

*Your skin clear*

*I've had enough hanging around here*

*It's a different kind of conversation*

*Your blue room"*

*~U2*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"There's something I've wanted to ask you long ago,"

At least half an hour had been since Lily started to cry desperately. And cried, and cried, and
cried some more. Until the air had turned clean again, and both Lily and Hermione had stopped
crying. And then they had gone quiet.

Up until the moment Lily decided to speak.

"There's something I've wanted to ask you long ago,"

"You already said that," Hermione said. "But I don't know what you want to
ask me. And you can ask me anything, you know,"

"I know," Lily nodded.

"So, what do you want to know?"

"I want to ask you this," Lily said, hesitating, the carrying on. "Because
there's something I really need to know, so that when..." she hesitated again. "When
the time comes, when I desperately need to know it, I won't have to regret that I didn't
ask you."

"I understand," Hermione said. "Again, what do you want to know?"

"Have you ever ... have you ever been proud of me?" Lily asked, and Hermione started
to open her mouth but Lily went on. "Have you ever looked at me and said, I'm proud of the
woman Lily's become, I'm proud of her career choice, I'm proud she's my daughter,
I'm proud she's this dancer she is, she's witch she is?"

"Lily," Hermione said, grabbing her daughter's face with both her hands, with
tears falling down her cheeks. "All the time!"

"But," Lily said. "Haven't you ever wished I wasn't a dancer, haven't
you ever wished I wasn't who I am, haven't you ever wished I was more like James?"

"No Lily!" Hermione said, with a smile starting to play on her lips. "Never!
You've always been you, and James's always been James. And I wouldn't have either of
you any other way!" she said, then kissed Lily's cheek. "The day you came home and
said that you were going to be a Ballet dancer, I, wondered what took you to decide on that, and
the explanation I came up with, was that you were just like me."

"What do you mean, just like you? James is like, I've never been the kind of woman you
are."

"But you are!" she said. "Don't you see? You may pretend to be strong and
stubborn, but inside, you have too many wishes and wants, and, just like I did someday, when I
married your father, knowing who he was, and knowing what that meant, you followed your
heart!"

"But I'm not like you!" Lily cried. "I'm not the kind of woman you are,
I've never been, and I don't think I'll ever achieve it."

"Lily," Hermione said, grabbing at Lily with a strength that snapped Lily's eyes
open. When she spoke she did it with her voice loud and clear. "The reason I am not afraid to
die, and leave you three alone with Harry, is because I am satisfied with the woman you've
become. Because you're the woman they will need when I am gone. And you're more than enough
of a woman. And that means my job here in the world is done, and it was done more than
alright!"

"How can you know that I'm good enough, if I don't know it myself?" she asked
desperately. "What have I done to prove you right?"

"Because I've seen you, Lily!" she said. "I've seen you since the day you
were born, and I've known you more than you know yourself, even if you think I don't....
And you're all the proof I need!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"Penny and I should get away and drown our pain in lemonade*

*And Penny dreams of rainy days and nights up late by the fireplace*

*And aimless conversations about the better days*

*Singing alone she's feeling alright*

*We're making it by in the pink moonlight*

*It's always Penny and me tonight*

*Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down*

*Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground*

*And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies*

*Close our eyes pretend to fly*

*It's always Penny and me tonight"*

*~Hanson*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Evening ladies!" Harry said as he entered the room in which Lily and Hermione were
laughing. "Someone's been having all the fun it seems!"

"You have no idea!" answered Hermione as Harry came and kissed her.

"I missed you," he whispered into her ear.

"You saw me this morning!"

"And it's six o'clock!" he said, pretending surprise. "That's far too
long for my taste!"

"Oi get a room you two!" said Lily with a smirk.

"This is her room you know!" Harry smirked back at her.

"I take that as a friendlier way to say "Lily get out!" so I will get out,"
she said, getting past Harry to kiss Hermione's cheek.

"Love you," she said. "I'll take Ally home, see you in the morning,"

"Love you too," Hermione answered. "Remember to have the time of your life!"
she said as Lily went to the door.

Lily waved her hand behind her head to show she had listened, then left the room.

"The time of your life?" asked Harry. "What was that about?"

"I'll tell you later," she said, grabbing Harry's collar and kissing him
quickly. "I have something else in mind right now,"

Harry kissed her with a hunger he didn't know he had. Grabbing her shoulders and her waist
in an attempt to get her closer than she already was, and was just about to tell her what a good
plan that was, when she broke their kiss.

"Harry," she whispered, her forehead against his.

"What, my Hermione?" he said. "What do you want? Anything you want I'd
do,"

"I want you!" she said, kissing his forehead and then setting hers against his again.
"And I want you to take me home!"

Harry was so startled to hear her say that, that his eyes snapped open and he disentangled
himself from her to be able to look in her eyes.

"You want me to what?"

"Take me home, Harry!" she said patiently. "I want to go home. I want to leave
this horrible hospital room, and leave this horribly cold smell in the air. I want you to take me
home!"

"Hermione, I'd love to," Harry started. "But Seamus said -"

"Harry," Hermione said with all of her personal determination. "Tell Seamus I
love him, he's a good guy, and has saved our asses more than once, but, right away, I don't
give a bloody damn what he says. I want to go home, and sleep in our bed, and have you hold me if I
have a nightmare, and have my fireplace on the right side of my bed, and have my kitchen in the
floor below. I want to be home when Ally comes from school and before Lily goes to Ballet. And I
... I want to be home when it happens. I don't want it to happen anywhere else that's not
in our home, with our fireplace and our bed."

"I understand," Harry said quietly. "I do... but I ... -"

"You what?" Hermione said again with all of her determination.

"I will take you home!" Harry said looking at her white sheets. "But I will not
tell Seamus all that rude rubbish!"

Lovely Hermione laughter filled the room and for a moment, it seemed to Harry that it made the
cold air in the room warmer.



2. Live for the One You Love
----------------------------

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"Give me a whisper*

*And give me a sign*

*Give me a kiss before you tell me goodnight*

*Don't you take it so hard now*

*And please don't take it so bad*

*I'll still be thinking of you*

*And the times we had*

*And don't you cry tonight*

*Don't you cry tonight*

*There's a heaven above you baby*

*And don't you cry tonight*

*And please remember that I never lied*

*And please remember*

*How I felt inside now, honey*

*You gotta make it your own way*

*But you'll be alright now, sugar*

*You'll feel better tomorrow*

*Come the morning light now, baby*

*And don't you cry tonight"*

*~Guns 'n Roses*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I think today's the day,"

Barely four days had passed since the day Harry had taken Hermione out of the hospital, with
nothing but the logic of her wishes to support what he was doing.

And it was nothing but that same logic that kept the dynamics of their house alive. Somehow,
some strange, unexplainable, ironic how, anything that happened in the house with Hermione felt
full of live. Harry had reached the conclusion that there was actually one single word to describe
the dynamics of those actions: ironic.

And it wasn't as if Harry had told that to anyone, because he hadn't. It was because, in
the midst of his sleepless nights, watching Hermione's peaceful slumber, afraid to death that
the steadiness of her breathing and her heart beat won't be there in the morning, Harry had
done nothing but think.

And Harry had made resolutions, and had taken decisions, and he had acknowledged the fact that
whatever was going to happen next, he wasn't ready for it. And he was completely sure about it,
he wasn't ready to lose her and he knew it. He had amazed himself when he realised that the
fact that he wasn't ready to lose her hadn't surprised him one bit. There was a
possibility, he had considered, that the reason he wasn't taken by surprise by that
information, was that he had always known. In some level of subconsciousness, he knew that there
was one reason why he was himself. There was one single reason why he was Harry Potter, one reason
why he was still alive, one reason for which he had defeated Voldemort, one reason he was an Auror,
one reason why he had three beautiful children, one reason why he existed. And there had always
been one single reason. Hermione was the reason. And it was as simple and as exclusive as that.
Without Hermione, Harry wasn't Harry, and there was no way out.

And it was that, and only that, why, the moment she spoke those words, while she sat in the
window seat some footsteps at the right of their bed, while she looked into their garden and out to
the street, that Harry panicked.

He couldn't possibly stop to consider how hard it really was for her, how hard it was going
to be for Lily and James, and how was Ally going to deal with it. He didn't stop for one second
to think about Ron, or about friends or family, not even himself. This wasn't about Harry or
Hermione, or Ally or Lily and James. It was about *them!* It was about *both of them!*
About Harry and Hermione.

And she knew it, and wanted Harry to know it.

It wasn't about his hurt, or about hers, it had to be about theirs, and that was why she was
telling him.

Harry didn't dare to speak a word. Something between panic and shock prevented him from
speaking. But she was there, in front of him, as he came out of the shower, with his hair dropping
wet, and with his bare chest full of little water drops. And everything was as if she had been
waiting for the moment when he came out of the shower to speak, but Harry just knew it wasn't
like that.

But still, when she turned around to face him, he was still panicked. She just smiled at him, a
knowing smile.

"Since the moment I woke up," she said. "I've been remembering,"

Harry blinked and looked back at her. He commanded his brain to respond. He blinked again and
took a deep breath.

"Remembering?" he managed. "What precisely?"

"Everything," she said shrugging. "Old days, old ways. Things that make me laugh,
things that make me cry..." she shrugged again. "Everything."

Harry walked slowly to her. Without taking his eyes away from hers, he sat at the edge of their
bed, only a few steps from her.

"Tell me about it,"

Hermione looked at him for a moment, and then turned again to the window.

"I remembered the day Lily and James were born." She paused for a moment and Harry
smiled, almost chuckled. He could remember too. "Do you remember the first thing I said when I
held Lily?"

"Of course," Harry said, feeling as if he was back to that September the first.
"I've just met her -"

"I've just met her," Hermione interrupted, nodding. "How can I love her so
much?" She turned again to look at Harry.

"It's been some while," he said.

"It has indeed," she said, smiling slightly. "That really made me cry,"

"Some woman she's become," Harry said, staring at the floor. "She's
surpassed all our expectations,"

"We couldn't ask any more from her," Hermione said in a small voice.

"Not even if we wanted,"

There was a pause. The kind of pause in which Harry realised that there was no way he could feel
that comfortable with anyone else in the world that wasn't Hermione. A comfortable silence,
that was never pressured to be broken, but that, at some point or another it finally was.

"I remembered the day you proposed,"

"You did?"

"Yes,"

Harry waited for her to say something else, but she didn't. Harry frowned and waited again,
and still she said nothing.

"And?" Hermione turned abruptly to look at him, a little smile in her lips. "Did
it make you cry or did it make you laugh?"

Hermione chuckled softly and looked in his eyes. "Both," she said. She looked to the
floor and for a moment said nothing. Harry swallowed past the knot in his throat and waited. Then
she looked at him, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"Hermione!" Harry said, getting up and running the few steps that separated him from
her.

"Harry!" she whispered, hiding her face in his neck. "Harry!"

"Goddamit, I don't want you to go!"

Hermione sobbed and buried her head deep in the crook of Harry's neck. She took a deep
breath that Harry could feel tickling in his neck.

"Harry, help me!" she cried. "Help me get through this! Please be brave for me
today! Just today Harry, just while it ends!"

Harry's breath got caught in his throat and he had to swallow several times to untie the
knot that kept him from being able to speak.

"How am I going to let you go?" Harry cried in her hair. "How am I supposed to
think that there is life after you leave me? How am I going to live a life without you?"

Hermione released Harry and pushed him gently to be able to look at him. She smiled at Harry,
with her eyes still wet and with the trace of tears all over her cheeks.

"One day at a time," she said simply. She spoke with a determination and a patience
that made Harry think that she had been ready for that question long ago, she had just been waiting
for Harry to dare ask it. "Picking a broom for Ally one day, taking Lily to buy pointe shoes
other, watch James sigh books at Flourish and Bloots the next day. Take a deep breath every second
and live through it, Harry. Find life in every breath, in every one of Ally's smiles, in every
hug from Lily, in every handshake of James. You all have to give that chance to each other, the
chance to find life in each other, in every breath!"

"Life in every breath," Harry repeated in a whisper.

"That's how it ought to be," Hermione nodded slowly and in a low voice.

Harry stood on his spot for a moment, but then leaned forwards and hugged Hermione once again,
this time, without the teary angst that he had before. He just held her in his arms, and breathed
in her smell.

"Harry," she said what was nearly a whisper.

"Tell me," he answered. "Tell me anything, my Hermione!"

"Harry, could you tell my husband he's the single best thing that's ever happened
to me?"

"I will," he whispered, his breath attempting to tie a knot in his throat again.
"If you say you know you're the best thing that's happened to him,"

"Am I?" she whispered. "Nothing's even close?"

"Nothing," Harry said. He released her and looked in her eyes. "Children of
course, but he wouldn't have those without you, so, no!"

Hermione smiled and started to run the back of her hand up and down Harry's cheek.

"I love you. Nothing will ever change that!" she said, looking at him. "Leaving
you is going to be the hardest experience of my life and to be honest..." she caught a deep
breath before continuing as if she was hesitating. "I think that's the reason is my
last,"

Harry brought the back of his hand to her cheek and ran it up and down like she was doing on
his. Hermione smiled at him and stopped her hand. She turned it and took Harry's neck with it,
and moving Harry's face to hers, kissed him.

Not a passionate, desperate kiss, not the innocent school crush kiss, not an awkward kiss, not a
reassuring kiss, not a long kiss.

A knowing kiss. The kiss that, Harry knew he never gave or will ever give any other woman. The
kiss he was only free to give to Hermione, the kiss that was something that they had shared since
their very first one. The kiss they shared through their knowledge of each other. The kiss that, in
the moment of truth, was the only kiss they had ever had.

Because that kiss, it was a kiss about being truthful to each other. It was the kiss that said
that Harry and Hermione, whatever the status of their relationship, wherever they were, had always
felt the string that tied them up together. A string that at times had been trust, at times had
been knowledge, at times had been their children, but that never, not for one minute, had not been
love.

Love, since the moment Harry hesitated on his way to Gryffindor tower to save Hermione Granger
from a mountain troll, through the moment when Hermione looked in Harry's face and saw what
everyone refused to believe. Through the time when Hermione trusted Harry to do what he himself
wasn't even sure he could. To that very moment, of Harry and Hermione, buried in a kiss about
love, the moment in which somehow they couldn't even start to measure, their love was going to
a different stage. And somehow, with a strength they couldn't even recognise, it was going to
live through it.

Hermione broke the kiss and kissed Harry's cheek before straightening up and looking in his
eyes.

"Let's crack on, shall we?" she said, smiling and wiping her tears away.
"Tell our children, call Ron and carry me to our bed,"

Harry took her in his arms, one arm behind her knees, the other behind her back. She grabbed his
neck with both arms and buried her face in his chest.

Harry laid her on their bed, her head carefully placed under the pillows. He kissed her forehead
and straightened up.

"I won't take long," he said.

"Try to," she answered.

Harry headed for the door, taking his shirt from the side of the bed where he had left it, and
putting it on. His hand was at the doorknob when she spoke.

"I used to be afraid of death," she said. "I used to be afraid of your death.
I'm not anymore, because, whatever there is for you after death, I'll know about before you
do, and I will be with you since its very start."

Harry recognised in her voice that she was merely allowing him to know that. She didn't need
any reply from him, and since the only one he could have was tying up in his throat again, he went
on and opened the door, and walked out of the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"Seasons may change*

*Winter to Spring*

*And there's no mountain too high*

*No river too wild*

*Sing out this song*

*And I'll be there by your side*

*Storm clouds may gather*

*And stars may collide*

*But I love you*

*Until the end of time"*

*~Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~ June, 1997. Hogwarts.

It was very early in the morning. It was how he had wanted it all. And it had certainly been
carefully planned to make it as he wanted it to be.

Rules had been set, times had been accorded, places had been chosen, and missions had been
assigned. But she had assigned herself another one he didn't know about.

But this was it, and he was going to know about it.

She looked at him, steps away from her, as she sat on one of the window seats of the Gryffindor
common room, bright sunny light coming in through the window. Seventeen, such a young age, and yet,
such a rush of experiences and emotions for her Harry.

She didn't know why she kept doing it, but she couldn't help but look at Harry and
wonder how much was still left for him, how much longer will he live with that shadow of the heavy
weight he carried over his shoulders? How much longer will it be a shadow in the brightness of his
emerald look?

The worst of it all, was that she didn't have any answers. She only had the questions, a
thousand questions to only one answer: She'll never knew, never until the day will come.

And the day had come.

But what she had been dreading, wishing, expecting, all at the same time, had started the night
before.

When Harry had walked inside the common room, after being kept in Dumbledore's office for
hours, having a conversation that Hermione knew, was The Conversation. The one that will settle
everything, the one that will end with all of it. The one that was going to led him to battle.

But she didn't know how wrong she was.

Because Harry walked inside the room, where her figure was the only thing that could be seen
between the couches and chairs, with bits of light from the moon, and bits of the extinguishing
fire in the fireplace.

And, even when Hermione couldn't see him straight, when his eyes weren't clear in the
darkness of the common room, she knew he was looking at her.

"Hermione," his voice said in the darkness. "We're not going
tomorrow,"

Hermione frowned, she couldn't see his eyes, but she could tell by his voice that he was
saying those words with a hint of insecurity.

"Why in the world not?" she asked. "Harry?"

Hermione saw a shadow of Harry's face as it turned to look at the carpet. She waited but no
answer came.

"Harry?" she tried again. "Harry wh-"

"Hermione," he said, his voice half simply desperate, half simply anguished.
"You've seen this people." He turned to look at her, and she felt, even when she
couldn't see him clearly, that his eyes said he needed to pour this out to her. "This...
this huge bunch of people, all the Order of the Phoenix, all of our DA," he said desperately,
walking towards her slowly. She tasted that term. Our DA, the term Harry had started to use a while
ago, she couldn't exactly tell when, but that she could tell he used only with her.
"They're... they must be more than fifty people, all of them willing to give their lives
to save the world..." Harry stopped barely two steps away from her, and looked at one side.
"Willing to give their lives, for something greater than any of us... all of them, waiting for
me to lead them into battle. And I... I don't know what to do... I don't know what to fight
for... I..." Harry stopped and turned his face towards her. Being closer to her, she could see
his features, though not as clearly as she'd wanted. But she could see his desperation, his
solitude, the moment she knew that, whenever Harry was at the moment, she wasn't with him. He
was alone. "I... they're... they're going to die, I know, some of them, a lot
probably... and I don't know what they're going to be dying for... I've cut myself off
from them, a lot of them. I... Being who I am... this prophecy thing, it made me different, but
it's my fault I stayed that way. People is always trying to connect to me... I just avoid
it,"

"Harry -"

"No Hermione!" he said loudly. "Don't tell me it's not like that, because
I... I know!" he was almost screaming, but all of a sudden, his voice turned to a whisper.
"I know, with you, I know it's different... I... I'm connected with you, I... It's
different, because I... I need to be connected to you, otherwise I'd just, I'd be...
it's just different. But can't you see?" Harry shook his head in desperation.
"This people they... They're willing to die for something I don't even know, and
I'm going to lead them to this death... and I just... Dumbledore wants me to lead them all, but
everything we're doing, is everything he says... I... I'm supposed to be leading this
people with some shrewd plan I didn't even know about until this afternoon... And I'm
supposed to be their leader!" Hermione saw Harry's eyes shine very bright in the middle of
the darkness and she had to swallow past the knot in her throat. "He... he seems like he
doesn't trust my judgement, he can't trust what I may come up with... And is not like
he's wrong because I... I can't do it!" Harry sighed and directed his eyes to the
floor. He was probably waiting for her silence, but he was in for a surprise if he was.

"You're not a quitter!" she stated clearly.

"Watch me," Harry said in a defeated tone, looking at the carpet.

"You were their leader, still are!" she said, taking a step closer to him. "This
isn't something you gave up, it's something he took!"

"And the difference is?"

"We can take it back!" Harry looked at her with a strange expression in his face, like
he barely understood what she said. But she knew he had, perfectly.

"Can? Maybe. Should?" he said, looking back to the floor. "Hermione, how can I
try to lead this people into a battle without knowing what to fight for? How? This people, must of
them have families, they have wishes and wants and needs, and they're all willing to give them
away for something I can't even think of! Why would I lead them if I had no idea what we're
supposed to be fighting for?"

"Harry," she said patiently as he looked back at her, tears swelling in his eyes.
"Because you know!" she caressed his cheek with her hand, attempting to soothe his
desperation. "Harry, listen; I've been your friend a long ago, and I've known a bit
longer than that... We've seen things, people couldn't imagine, and done things I'd
prefer they didn't. I usually triple check everything just to be sure, but I wouldn't do
any of that if I ever was sure of anything. I'm insecure, and I can make a lot of
mistakes..." she sighed. She moved her free hand also to Harry's face and cupped it in
both her hands. "Six and plus years... and there's only one thing I've ever been sure
of: you!"

"Hermione, I-"

"Harry!" she interrupted him, as a realisation came into her mind, hitting her as a
bludger. Preventing her mind from all thought that didn't relate to it. "Harry! I've
just realised!" she whispered, looking at the carpet, feeling as her eyes filled with tears.
She looked at Harry, his expression both puzzled and worried. "I love you!"

"You love me?"

"Yes!" she nodded, more to herself than to Harry. "Yes!"

"You mean like-"

"I mean like desperately," she interrupted him. "Desperately, maddening,
crazily... like... like my blood melts if you look at me..." Hermione started to feel a
strange difficult in her breathing. Her chest raised and fell quickly, like she couldn't really
hold any breath. "Like my breath is taken away from me if you touch me... like that!"

"Hermione I..."

"Shh!" she said, again cupping his face firmly with her hands, shaking her head.
"I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, is not because I want you, or
because I can't have you. It's nothing to do with me!" she said all of this as it came
to her mind, because she was just realising all of this. "I love what you are, what you do...
how you try! I've seen your kindness and your strength, I've seen the best and the worst of
you and... I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are: you're a hell of a man!
You're the one, Harry!"

Harry stood there looking at her. Something about his look seemed puzzled, but a hint of relief
and understanding could be seen. And then that hint became greater and greater and then clearer and
clearer... and then he looked at her as if he was just seeing himself for the first time.

"I've been looking at you forever," he said, his eyes still lost in hers.
"But I never saw you before!"

And then something had changed.

Something, that Hermione had unconsciously waiting for all of her life. Something that, as she
looked at Harry, she knew.

And now, this was it. That day. The day she had feared and waited for almost two years now. It
was all happening today. She felt her eyes swelling with tears as she looked at Harry looking back
at her. This was the day, the day she had convinced herself she was ready for, but for which she
really wasn't. And it was happening today!

"Harry!" she whispered before she could organise any thoughts in her fuzzy mind. Harry
dropped what he had been carrying, and it wasn't until he did that, that Hermione realised he
had been holding something.

She got a short glimpse of silver and red as Harry dropped a long, heavy sword on the floor to
run to her.

"You can't!" Harry started to scream in a terrible anguished voice. "You
can't do it, Hermione! You can't, please don't!"

"Don't what, Harry?" she asked in a tone that was just as anguished.
"Can't do what?"

"You can't come Hermione!" he said as he took her by her arms and pushed her from
him to be able to look in her eyes. He grasped her shoulders and directed her gaze to him.
"You're not going to come!"

"What do you mean?" she started. "Why are you-"

"You can't!" he said desperately. "You can't come! I... I can't bear
the thought to... You can't!"

"Harry!" she said. he couldn't be serious. "What is-"

"Don't you see?" he asked, shaking her by her shoulders, and finally shedding the
tears Hermione had seen swell in his eyes. "Don't you see I cannot breathe without you? I
don't live without you! Don't you see?" he said, now grabbing so tight to her
shoulders that it pained her. "Don't you see how much I love you?"

Harry couldn't hold it any longer. He cried in her shoulder, shaking like a baby as she
embraced him. Hermione was being torn in a hundred different directions as she embraced Harry. She
was happy this realisation was finally becoming real, she was desperately sad to see such an
anguish in her Harry, she was scared of the whole ordeal they were going through... And yet he had
just realised! He knew! He knew as she did!

"Harry!" she whispered, as he cried in her hair. "It is going to be
alright!"

"No it isn't!" he said, stepping away from her in a rush. He walked to the place
where he had left the silver and red sword and picked it up from the carpet.

"You see this?" he asked. Hermione took a look at the sword he was holding still for
her to see. "This might actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything.
And the reason I'm holding it? It's because of you! Because of the strength that you gave
me last night!" he dropped the sword again and walked slowly to her. "Let's just...
let's just get to the truth here. I don't know how you felt about last night but I will
not-"

"Terrified!" she whispered.

"Of what?" Harry asked right away.

"Last night was..." Hermione took a deep breath and looked at the carpet before
looking at Harry. "It was the best night of my life. Harry we... we've been through
everything, we've seen everything, and, last night, as you told me that, we sat on that very
chair..." she said, signalling the chair in which the sword had fell. "And I just held
you, watched you sleep... and it was the best night of my life!" she stated with a final tone.
"So yes, I'm terrified!"

"I can't lose you!" he said in an anguished whisper. "I can't... I can do
whatever it takes to do it, but... only if you're by my side, I... I can't be Harry Potter
without you!"

"Then you need me on this fight!"

"No!" he said quickly. "I need you safe, where I don't have to worry about
you."

"But Harry!" she said patiently. "You'll worry about me, even if I was in a
fortress guarded by Dumbledore!

Harry blinked at her. She really didn't know where had all of that came from, but the moment
she spoke those words, she knew they were true.

"But what if-"

"Harry, there are no what ifs!" she said, getting close to him and taking him by his
shoulders. "Whatever happens from now on... this!" she said smiling a very silly smile.
"This! Us, you and me! This is how it ought to be! We already have this! What could we
possibly fear now? If there is the end facing us at the other side of the door, then this is the
end we ought to have, and we already have it!"

She had dreamed about it, she had a vague vision of how it could have been, but nothing, not the
best of dreams, prepared her for the sparks that she felt all over her body as Harry kissed her. It
was as if a forest had just fired up all around and inside of them. A forest in which they had been
throwing fireworks for almost seven years, and now, the lightning had ignited them all at the same
time. And the forest was now burning.

And had no chances of ever turning off.



3. Don't Cry
------------

**Author Notes:** I said before I dedicate this story to Paola, though she'll never read
it. Same goes for Stella, my dear friend who went through this precisely, as I was trying to write
it. You have all of my support, for anything you need, this is for you, even if you won't ever
read it.

Again, huge Glomps to my brother **Gil** for the help as well as for dedication he devoted to
myself and this story. Love you!

For **Victor**, as a promise of what I'm going to write for you! Cheers!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"I'll love until love must be away*

*I'll die and I know my love will stay*

*And I know, my love will stay"*

*~Celine Dion*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James entered the room with his heart pounding in his head. Vaguely aware of his trembling legs,
his hand shaking as he turned the doorknob and opened the door, shaking even harder as he closed it
behind him.

"Mum," he whispered. His mother seemed to be in a place that was not her room, a place
that wasn't the armchair she was sitting in. a place James could see, just by looking at her,
that only she knew, and perhaps his father. Yes, Harry had to know, because, in his nineteen years
he had come to acknowledge one thing for certain, whenever one of his parents was, the other went
along. Whenever Hermione was, Harry went with her, whenever he went, Hermione was at his side. And
it had always been like that. And tonight, that was going to change forever. Or at least for a good
while.

And somehow, as he saw her sitting in that armchair, leaning her head against it, breathing
slowly, James realised a terrible something. That his mother was really going to die tonight, and
that he really didn't want her to go.

He had always kept Hermione in this sort of cage, even when he was just a little boy. He had
always thought that his mother was super strong, that nothing will ever harm her. And that she will
be there, the day he'd chose a woman to marry, the day he'd be a father, the day Ally went
to Hogwarts... but all of a sudden he realised that nothing of that was ever going to happen.

"James," she said slowly, her eyes closed, still leaning against the chair.

"Mum," James answered, trying to command his brain to obey him, and swelling his tears
back inside. He walked slowly to her chair, but she didn't move.

"Twenty seven years ago," she said, and James stopped short where he was. "Your
father and I went through what we thought back then was the hardest experience of our lives. Of our
young lives, when most teens think they own the world and that it is at their feet, your father and
I were trying to save it." She opened her eyes and turned to look at James at her left. She
smiled at him, and James felt the knot in his throat tight even harder. "I remember so clearly
the feeling of how the end tried to come over us, the feeling that, that morning our lives might
last see the sun light." Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes in a long blink.
"But it wasn't like this at all." James reassumed his walk to his mother's chair.
"I've heard people say that they see their lives past through their eyes a moment before
they die." She looked at James again and extended her arm to take his hand. "I've
been seeing mine since I woke up this morning!"

"Mum!" James said, taking her hand in his and kneeling in front of her.

"James," she said, tears starting to break through her eyes. "I need to ask
something of you, my boy,"

"Anything mum," he whispered, caressing her hand with his thumb. "Anything at
all."

"Do you remember the day Ally was born?" she asked, tears now rolling down her cheek.
"The day I told you, that the day will come when Ally will need you to be really brave for
her, the day I told you that there will come a time when she would need you badly?"

James tried to open his mouth to say of course he remembered but he couldn't, so he just
nodded.

"That day has arrived James," she said patiently.

James took a very deep breath and nodded. "What do you need me to, mum?"

Hermione also took a deep breath, she looked at their joined hands, and then looked back at
James. "I need you to write," she said. "I need you to write about me,"

"About you?" James asked.

His mother breathed deeply as she nodded, like every breath cost her a tremendous effort she
didn't possessed.

"Yes James," she said. "Write about me, for Ally,"

"Mum, I-"

"She won't remember me!" Hermione told James desperately. "She won't
remember much about me, James! I need you to promise me you will, that you will write about me for
Ally so she won't forget me!"

"But mum," James tried. "She won't -"

"Promise me James!" she asked, crying in a desperate anguish. James never denied a
thing to Hermione. Never, nineteen years, and everything Hermione had wanted from him, she had
given it to her. He couldn't deny her such a thing. "Promise me you'll keep alive this
picture of me you've had all of your life. Promise me you'll make sure Ally won't ever
forget me!"

"Mum-" James felt incapable of speaking for a moment, the rush of emotions preventing
him.

"Promise me James!" Hermione cried to him. "Don't you see? I can't die
without knowing you'll do this for your sister!"

"I will, mum," he said, his own tears now rolling down his cheeks. "I promise you
I will!"

Hermione then threw her arms around him, and James smelled her essence. Her motherly essence,
the one that only she possessed.

"I love you James!" she cried against his neck. "I'm more proud of you than I
would ever be able to tell you!" she took his head in her hands and made him look at her.
"Did you know that? Can you tell me that you are aware of that?"

"I am," he cried. "I know, and I love you too!" James sighed through his
tightened throat. "And I don't want you to go!"

"James!" Hermione cried, her tears wetting all of her cheeks. "You knew that
sooner or later the day will -"

"I did!" he said. "I've always been aware of it, but... the fact that we know
it is going to happen doesn't change the fact that we don't want it to happen!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"A million stars light*

*This beautiful night*

*This is not a night to die*

*Let me sing and dance beneath the sky*

*I have such love to give, to give*

*I want a chance to live*

*Live for the one I love*

*Love as no one has loved*

*Give asking nothing in return*

*Though this world sets us apart*

*We're still together in my heart*

*I want the world to hear my cry*

*And even if I have to die*

*Love will not die*

*Love will change the world "*

*~Celine Dion*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily stepped out of the building, her hand inside her Capezio bag, searching for her sunglasses.
Her hand found them and she quickly put them on. She was starting to walk away, as she did every
morning on her way back home. Somehow, unexplainable as it was, she could feel her heart beating in
her throat before she even knew what was happening. She knew something was indeed happening, she
could feel it, but, up until that point she had no idea what it was. But she was about to find
out.

"Lily!"

Lily froze on the spot. Now her heart was positively pounding its way out of her chest. She held
her breath and felt the sweat that was already in her hand, still held to the pink bag she was
carrying. It couldn't be, it really wasn't. It was his voice but... it couldn't be! It
was not possible. He wasn't there.

"Lily!"

Lily held another breath that got caught in her throat even when she could feel her throat busy,
holding the exorbitant beating of her heart. She took another breath without stopping to release
the first one, and turned slowly around.

"Lily!" he whispered.

"Oh God!" she whispered, feeling the wetness in her eyes that developed just by
looking at him. "Alex?"

Alexander Malfoy, really looking at her from a spot that was mere inches away from where she was
standing. His brown hair, that was somehow the same colour of his eyes...the colour of honey when
it was kept in a bottle. It was how he described it, because when honey is spread it has a
different colour compared to when it is kept inside a bottle.... Alex, the perfect mixture of both
Draco and Ginny, all in one man... Lily's best friend in the universe, who was really there,
looking at her, waiting for her to run and hug him.

"Oh Alex, thank goodness!"

And with that, she broke into a run and climbed in the arms of her best friend. She felt the
familiarity of Alex's hug dawn on her. And she couldn't but break into a cry.

"Alex!" she cried, hiding her face in his neck. "I wished for you to come! I
wished for it so much!"

"Puppet, I had to come!" he whispered, running his hand through over the top of her
head. "I couldn't stay, Lily, I couldn't let you to live through this alone. I
can't!"

"Alex!" she said, disentangling herself from him to look at his face. "Alex,
it's been hell!" she said, and cried again, Alex took her head and placed it against his
chest, holding her by her waist. "It's only been two weeks, but it's been
hell!"

"Puppet!" he whispered soothingly.

"Oh Alex you have no idea!" She cried, with a desperation she hadn't been able to
convey up until that point. "I've prayed for you to come! I've been... oh Alex I
can't do it!"

Lily heard Alex take a sharp breath, and then he brought her closer to him, running his hands up
and down her back.

"Alex, she's really going to die!" Lily cried, hiding her face in the chest of her
friend, and realising that her hands were closed into fists at Alex's back. "She's
really going to die, and I can't live through it! I can't bear the thought, I can't do
it, I'm not ready to loose her... and yet I keep pretending everything's going to be
alright, and it just isn't!"

Alex kissed the top of her head and lingered there for a moment. Lily cried helplessly in her
chest, wetting his shirt as she did so, but he didn't seem to care.

"Come puppet," he said, grabbing Lily firmly by the waist. "Let's make it all
better,"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"I could stay awake*

*Just to hear you breathing*

*Watch you smile while you are sleeping*

*While you're far away and dreaming*

*I could spend my life in this sweet surrender*

*I could spend in this moment forever*

*'Cause every moment I spend with you*

*Is a moment I treasure*

*I don't want to close my eyes*

*I don't want to fall asleep*

*'Cause I'll miss you baby*

*And I don't want to miss a thing*

*'Cause even when I dream of you*

*The sweetest dream will never do*

*I'll still miss you baby"*

*~Aerosmith*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~ February, 2005. London.

Hermione could hear Harry as he came out of the room and walked into the kitchen, even if their
room was upstairs and the kitchen was downstairs. She could feel it since the moment he opened his
eyes, even if she wasn't there.

It was something that, on past times, made her awfully scared, because facing it, it was quite
freaky to feel so connected to someone.... But this was Harry! It simply couldn't be any other
way!

He entered the kitchen and in one swift movement, he grabbed her waist from behind and placed a
kiss on her temple.

"Good morning!" he said. "You're glowing!"

"I am?" she asked smiling slightly as she buttered the toast.

"Most absolutely!" he smiled, his lips still pressed to her temple. "Why is that,
Mrs Potter, if I'm allowed to know?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure," she said laughing as she did so. "Maybe
you're not wearing your glasses!"

"Bad peripheral vision Mrs Potter," he said, a smile Hermione could taste in his
voice. "Because I am!" he spun her around and pushed her against the counter, hands still
holding her waist firmly. "And I think I will predict that, whatever the reasons are, your
glowing will make me crazily more in love with you, if that's even possible!"

Hermione laughed, feeling Harry smile in front of her.

"What a prediction!" she laughed happily, feeling light as a feather. "I'm
sure you got top marks at Divination!"

"Oh no!" Harry said, smiling broadly. "I got a 'T' in my OWL, dropped the
subject right away!"

"Oh Harry!" Hermione said as she laughed. "I love you!"

"And I love you Hermione," he said, smiling so much his eyes were sparkling. "But
you haven't told me why you're glowing!"

Hermione looked in Harry's eyes and thought for a moment. Maybe this was it. She thought
another second... it was. She breathed, looked at the floor and then back to Harry.

"Well, I'm pregnant," she said with her eyes looking directly into his.
"Maybe it has something to do with that!"

Harry froze on the spot, his smile freezing along.

"You're what?"

"Pregnant," she said slowly, allowing a smile to escape her lips. "As in
we're having a baby,"

"I.. you, I mean... we are?"

"Yes Harry!" she smiled, Harry was still frozen there, looking at her, disbelief all
over his face. Then, very slowly, disbelief started to transform into a smile. Very slowly, until
his eyes were sparkling again.

"And we're sure about this?" he asked quietly, his eyes so bright Hermione thought
if she looked closer, she'll be blind.

"We, well... how do I say..." she smiled, keeping the suspense. "Yes!"

"Hermione!" Harry whispered. "We're having a baby!"

"I know Harry!" she whispered back, smiling so much her jaw was starting to hurt.
"I just told you!"

"Hermione!" he whispered again, then leaned in quickly and kissed her straight on the
lips a kiss that was firm and quick, but tender and sweet at the same time. "Hermione I'm
so in love with you... I love you so badly!" he repeated the kiss. "A baby! We're
having a baby!" he kissed her once more. "Glowing! Of course you're glowing!
We're having a baby!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"You say that the river*

*Finds the way to the sea*

*And like the river*

*You shall come to me*

*Beyond the borders*

*And the thirsty lands*

*You say that as a river*

*Like a river...*

*Love shall come*

*Love...*

*And I'm not able to pray anymore*

*And I cannot hope in love anymore*

*And I cannot wait for that love anymore"*

*~U2*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There was the Leaky Cauldron, The Three Broomsticks, there was even the Hog's Head... But
Alex chose to Apparate them somewhere else. And when Lily turned around, she wasn't in London
anymore, for Alex had Apparated them to Paris.

Champs ƒlysŽes at her feet, La Place de la Concorde at one side, La Place de l'ƒtoile at the
other. If she looked south, she got a glimpse at the Seine, and far west, at the Eiffel Tower. She
turned to look at Alex with her eyes wide. He just looked back at her, no meaning in his stare
except that of saying that if it made her feel better, then so be it. He took her hand and walked
her along the avenue. For some reason, she simply couldn't take her eyes off him.

She knew where he was taking her, she knew because they had been there once before. And indeed,
the same small cafŽ, at the left side of the road, never overly crowded, but always cozy enough.
She couldn't remember the name, because it was hard for her to spell it. Still, she remembered
every single tiny detail about it. The design of the windows, the position of the tables, the
colour of the mugs, the uniforms that the waiters were wearing. And it was just as she remembered
it, just as if she had been there the day before, but she had been there two years ago, with Alex,
back then, to say goodbye.

And now, she was back with Alex, but surely, she knew, this was no goodbye.

Alex walked to a table, the one that they had occupied two years ago, and that seemed to have
been waiting for them along those two years, even if in reality, they knew better than that.

Alex took out a chair and offered it to her. She only took her eyes off him when she sat at the
chair, with her back to him. He pushed the chair a little further and then sat facing her.

Her brain was a storm of a hundred different thoughts, but, shaking her head, she managed to
find a coherent one to start speaking.

"Alex, what-"

"Shh!" he said, motioning for her to wait. A waiter came to their table, the colour of
his uniform as perfect as Lily remembered it.

"Bonjour! Monsieur, mademoiselle,"

Alex asked him in his perfect French, of which Lily had always been envious, for two cups of
tea.

"Now," he told Lily as the waiter walked away.

"What have you done?" Lily asked, forgetting all about concentrating on coherent
thoughts.

"Lily, listen to me," he said, placing his hand on top of hers as it rested in the top
of the table. "I need for you to promise to listen, and then, perhaps, you'll find the
answers you're asking me for now," Lily looked inside his honey brown eyes, the way they
shone brightly with something she couldn't quite make out making her frown slightly. Alex
waited, but Lily was immerse in her thoughts. "Puppet?" he said, squeezing her hand.
"Can you do that? Promise me that?"

Lily released her frown and looked at him, then leaned against the back of her chair.

"I will," she whispered at length. "Go on,"

Alex took a deep breath, and looked at the tablecloth. His chest rose and fell as he took deep
breaths. Then he nodded and looked back at Lily.

"Alright," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Lily...I, I... this past
two years, I've... I've been having anything a man may want. I've had my job which I
love, a bit of a capital, thanks to my parents and to my clever use of it; I've been doing good
at my career choice and have improved quickly. And... anytime I've wanted a determined woman, I
could always count on it... And, here's the thing: I have everything I need to be happy, I
should be happy, but I'm not!" Lily drew a huge breath as he said those words, trying hard
to untie the knot in her throat. "I... I'm not one bit happy... and then yesterday, I made
a choice, I went and met our captain, and I told him I was going to quit Quidditch,"

"Alex!" she interrupted, besides herself.

"Lily please!" he said, squeezing her hand once again. "You promised!" Lily
closed her mouth at the sound of those words, indeed, she had. She leaned again against the chair.
Alex nodded and breathed again. "But he won't let me quit; he said... he said I could ask
for anything, he said that they will get me inside the first team, he said... he asked me if what I
wanted was to go back to London... And I..." Alex was looking at the tablecloth, shaking his
head, fighting back tears. The looked at Lily. "Lily, I... I couldn't possibly say no,
because... because right then I realised something." He leaned closer to her across the table.
"Since that day we said our goodbyes here, in this very table, Lily, a day hasn't gone by
when I haven't thought of you. Being without you has been agony; every day, it gets worse. Not
seeing you when I get home, not smelling you cook, not waking up to share breakfast with you, not
kissing you goodnight, it torments me!" Now Lily was positively crying... how was it that she
had never seen it? How could she have been so blind? How in the world? How, for Merlin's sake?
"At this very moment, the thought of not being with you, makes my stomach turn over - my mouth
go dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe!" Alex brought his other hand on top of their hands,
and looked at the table before facing her again. "And, in the midst of all this insanity,
something finally made sense. Lily, I'm in love with you! I don't want anything else! I
don't want anyone else! I can't have anyone else. All I want is you!" he was shedding
tears that matched hers. But Lily's tears were also tears of desperation, because she had just
realised such a thing had been there all along. She had indeed had the time of her life. She just
didn't know she had. "I can't search any sort of happiness if you're not by my
side, because... my happiness lies within you, along with the thought of you!"

"Alex!" Lily cried, incapable of saying anything else through her tears. She covered
her mouth with her free hand and cried. She looked at Alex and her throat was so caught up with
tears that she couldn't speak right away. "What is this that's so big, but that's
been hiding from us for so long? This "us" that seems so huge and amazing and special,
and that I can't even start to believe I haven't ever seen before!"

"I don't know," he said sincerely, smiling slightly through his own tears.
"But it isn't just special. It's one for the books,"

"No," she said, smiling back through the huge curtain of tears she was crying.
"It will make the ones in the books jealous!"

Lily took another deep breath and ran hr free hand over her eyes, wiping away tears. She then
looked at Alex and placed her hand on his cheek, then felt him relax at her touch. And then she saw
it, for the first time in her life, she really saw the bloody line there, standing clearly between
them. She spared the line a glance... and decided it had been there long enough. And leaned in to
close it as she met her best friend's lips that so crazily searched hers.

Then the fireworks burnt, the stars clouded her vision, and all of a sudden, Lily was having her
first real moment of genuine happiness in a long time, as the line that had shadowed her life for
so long vanished in a kiss. Forever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------



4. Stay! Far Away So Close
--------------------------

Many lines in this story are not mine. One is from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Another is from the
movie ÒSomethingÕs Gotta GiveÓ. A third one is from ÒOriginal SinÓ and a final one from
**LoriÕs** cookie ÒSomedayÓ

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"Just the bang*

*And the clatter*

*As an angel*

*Hits the ground"*

*~U2*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily had Alex's hand wrapped in hers when they entered the house. She was still feeling so
happy, so genuinely happy, that she felt light as a feather. Her eyes were shining, her lips were
smiling, and the wholeness of her felt blissful.

And then something happened that changed that happiness forever. Something that changed her life
and Alex's forever.

James was running down the stairs, his hair flying in a thousand directions, a bit more than
usual. He connected his gaze to Lily's and held it there as he came down the stairs. Lily froze
and immediately lost her balance, the expression James wore was so final, so definitive, that
everything else became blurred. She felt her legs failing her support, felt her back leaning
against Alex for that support. Felt Alex holding her firmly from behind, steadying her.

James broke eye contact with her and looked at Alex.

"Alex!" he said. "So good to have you here!" Lily was only listening halfway
to what they spoke, a couple of sentences, but nothing came clear into her mind.

"Where have you been?" James asked her. She couldn't help but fear the worst, she
had been fearing the worst for days. "We've been looking for you, what have you
-"

"What has happened?" she interrupted her brother. "Has mum...-"

"No she hasn't," he said, not being able to hear her say what she still
couldn't say. "But this is it, I... I think she's just waiting for you."

Of what happened next, Lily will lately remember very few. Clear images appeared when she was
already opening the door to her parent's bedroom, Alex holding her hand firmly, like she had
dragged him before running up the stairs.

When she entered the room, Hermione was sitting in her wood armchair, Ally sitting in her lap,
her head resting on Hermione's chest, as both of them ran their hands through each other's
hair. Hermione looked at them for a moment. Lily had an impulse to leave the room, but Hermione
signalled her to stay, smiling at Alex after doing so. She was talking to Ally, in a steady, quiet
voice.

"...and you may feel like you want to cry, and that'll be ok, you cry everything you
want," she was telling her daughter. "But you'll have to be really brave, Ally,
you'll have to work hard on it, alright?"

"But mummy," she said, her voice just as steady as her mother's. "What will
happen when I'll miss you?"

"When you'll miss me," Hermione whispered, mostly to herself, it seemed to Lily. A
tear rolled own her cheek, and she saw another rolling down her mother's. "Whenever you
miss me... remember I'll be there, Ally. You hear me pumpkin?" she took Ally's head
and directed her eyes to her face. "There will not be a time of your life when I wouldn't
be there with you. I'll always be there, not on one moment, will I leave you alone.
Alright?"

Ally nodded, she wasn't crying, she was so calm, Lily felt jealous.

"I love you pumpkin!" Hermione said into her daughter's hair. "I love you! I
love you so much!"

"I love you too, mummy!"

Hermione held Ally tight to her, tears rolling down her cheeks, even when her eyes were closed.
Lily felt her chest tighten to the quickness with which her heart was pounding. Her throat closed
and her eyes started to get clouded with tears that blurred her vision.

"Alright now," Hermione whispered to Ally. "Go to your dad, he's waiting for
you, alright?" Ally nodded and Hermione kissed her forehead. "I love you little pumpkin,
and I will always be in your heart and by your side, understood?" Ally nodded again and kissed
Hermione's cheek. "Alright then, remember what we talked, go now!" Ally jumped from
Hermione's lap and walked away, passing Lily quietly, and stopping just to kiss her cheek, she
climbed then in Alex's arms as he took her to kiss her cheek. Then, quietly, she walked out of
the room. Alex closed the door behind them and Lily stared at her mother.

This was that time; the time she had dreaded since she heard about the doctor's predictions.
She had never liked goodbyes.

But this was one she was obliged to get through, even if she dreaded it, mostly, because she
knew she wasn't going to live afterwards if she couldn't have it. And so it had to start.
But Lily dreaded that start so much, she didn't realise when did she started crying.

She felt her eyes as they became unable to hold back her tears and covered her mouth to hide a
sob.

"No Lily!" Hermione said slowly, shaking her head. "Please don't!"

"Mum!" she answered, her hand still covering her mouth. "How can you ask me not
to?"

"Lily!" she said. "One day you will look back on this day and feel
stronger!"

"No mum!" Lily said, her voice hoarse as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Every day
of my life, I will look back on this day and miss you!"

Lily lowered her hand and placed it over her heart, feeling as it raced crazily. She connected
her eyes to her mother's. Green against cinnamon, once again, like it had been for years, like
it had been for all eternity. Like it never will be again.

And Lily felt herself crying. Crying as if the world was shattering, because in reality, it was
real that her mother, the shelter of her life, the first main stone to their home, was shattering
in front of her. And it was her world being changed.

Hermione opened her arms slowly and it was all the cue Lily needed. She ran to her mother's
arms and held her tight to her. A flash of a thousand images flew inside her head and through her
eyes. Hermione's hug, when she first left for Hogwarts, the hug she got from her as she came
back for the last time. The time when she played Giselle and came out of the Theatre to receive her
hug, she remembered her words clearly "You were spectacular! You really were!"

When she admitted she had never been in love, when she had fought with her first Ballet teacher
to come home crying and find her mother's hug. The comforting of that hug, that she was
probably finding for the last time "I'm not ready, mum!" Lily cried in her
mother's shoulder. "I'm not ready!"

"My Lily..." Hermione took Lily's face and held it between her hands, looking
right into her eyes. "Of course you are ready! You..." Hermione hugged Lily again, and
whispered in her hair. "You're just afraid... you... You're going to do it so
well!"

"No mum!" Lily kept crying. "I'm going to miss you, and need your advice, and
hear your approve what I do... No mum!"

"Lily," Hermione spoke clearly at Lily, disentangling from their hug. "Look at
you, look at what a success you've made of your life, look at that strength you possess, look
at that gorgeousness of a man you've got behind your back... Of course you're
ready!"

"But mum... can't you see? You're my strength!"

"No Lily!" Hermione was smiling at her daughter now. "He is! If I had any doubts,
they disappeared when I saw you walk in with Alex. He *is* your strength and always has
been... you... that's only one thing you're still afraid of!"

Lily looked from her mother to Alex, standing at her back. He was just there, waiting, waiting
for her call... waiting to protect her... to be her strength. Lily looked again to her mother.

"No mum," she said. "I'm not afraid of Alex anymore!"

"Lily!" Hermione held her again, and Lily felt the immediate flood of tears rolling
down her cheeks, then remembered something her mother needed to know. She had to tell her
something, right away.

"Mum, I've had it!" she cried in her mother's hair, her voice drowned in her
tears. "I've had the time of my life! With Alex... I've had it!"

"Oh Lily!" Hermione was crying on Lily's hair. Lily felt as her chest tightened
around her heart, not able to contain its beating anymore.

Hermione let go of Lily and looked behind her at Alex, she smiled slightly even through the
curtain of tears that shadowed her face.

"Alex," she said, lending him a hand to hold. Alex walked slowly to them and took
Hermione's hand, then knelt in front of her at Lily's side. "You... I'm so glad
you realised this now, I wouldn't have bear it if..." Hermione hesitated in her words,
doubting clearly if she ought to speak the words aloud. She shook her head. "But you realised.
And I'm really glad!"

"How long have you known?" Lily asked her. Hermione smiled.

"All of your lives!"

"You've known?" Alex asked, slightly bewildered.

"Of course!" Hermione said, still smiling. "You father even owes me now 100
galleons, you're still not twenty!"

"You had a bet on us?" Lily asked, her expression changing to terrible surprise.

"One?" Hermione almost laughed. "Many! I bet with Draco you'll get together
before twenty, but I had it with your father it'll be while Alex was away, and I won that too.
Then, James and your father and Seamus and Remus and Tonks all have a bet about who would realise
first..." Hermione laughed an authentic laugh. "You've been the source of some
money!"

Lily looked at Alex, and she just laughed too, and soon felt Alex following. Hermione locked her
gaze with Lily and Lily shook her head.

"Why are we laughing?" she asked lowering her gaze to the floor.

"Because, it's a good way not to cry." Lily raised her gaze and looked at her
mother. "Besides, because it is funny!"

Hermione then looked at Alex, still smiling, as if she couldn't really believe them.

"Alex," she said. "There's something I need to ask of you..."

"No you don't!" he said immediately. "I'll promise you before you ask me
to do it."

For a moment, Lily had no idea what they were talking about. Hermione had tears developing in
her eyes, Lily could easily tell; but still had no clue as to why.

"I promise," Alex told Hermione, both his hands over Hermione's. "I promise
you I'll take care of her, I'll be with her at everytime, and any time she needs me. And I
promise you, that when she needs you, I'll remind her that you're still with us... I
promise you, on my life, that I will love her until my last breath, and that I'll be taking
care of her everyday for you."

Hermione was crying now, big, shiny tears rolling down her cheeks. She was barely capable of
uttering a thanks to Alex, and then he had her in his arms.

"I promise you, I swear!" he said as Hermione cried in his shoulder, her tears wetting
his shirt, but he didn't seem to mind one bit.

When Hermione let go of Alex, she looked at Lily.

"I will never leave your side," she said. "I'll be with you, whenever you
need me, you know this, don't you?"

"I do," Lily said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I love you, Lily," Hermione said, as Lily felt all the muscles around her throat
tighten. "And I'm so proud of you, that I can't even begin to tell you... Alex, both
of you, take care of it, Lily, it will be one to make those in the books jealous!"

"I... we know!" Lily said through her tears.

"Something else, puppet," she told Lily. "I left you a little trunk on your room,
it has things I want you to give to Ally, some you'll give them to her when she goes to
Hogwarts..." Hermione gasped before she kept speaking. "Some others... when the time is
right, when you find it's right, give them to her. A letter for you is in there, don't read
it, please don't read it until you marry, can you promise me that?"

Lily was incapable to speak, the weight of everything around her closing her throat, so she just
nodded.

"I love you Lily, I'm sure you'll do excellent!"

"I love you too, mum, I'll miss you, a lot!" Lily answered, making an effort to
hold back tears.

"I know," Hermione told her. She turned to Alex. "Take care of my daughter, love
her very much, and make her very happy!" she kissed Alex cheek and then Lily's, remaining
longer on Lily, hugging her and stroking her hair.

Hermione stroked Lily's temple, looking in her green eyes, then she spoke. "Go now, ask
your father to come up here." She kissed Lily's cheek again. "I love you," she
whispered. Then turned to Alex. "Tell your parents I love them. Very especially, tell Draco I
haven't had a thought against him, I haven't hold a doubt of his trust, never, for one
minute, since he swore his loyalty to us." Alex nodded, his gaze connected to Hermione.

They got up and Alex wrapped his arm around Lily. Lily kissed her mother's cheek again, and
then stood there in front of her. She could feel Alex's arm, firmly gripping her waist, but she
couldn't move. She closed her eyes and forced herself to make a resolution, fighting every bit
of her logic as she did so. She turned around and started to walk straight to the door. She vaguely
thought that perhaps it was that stubborn determination what her mother found so similar to herself
in Lily. Perhaps.

"And Alex," Hermione said, Alex turned to look, but Lily was afraid to lose her
determination, so she didn't. "Tell Draco, the 100 galleons, I want them in Ally's
account for school."

"I'll tell him," Alex answered, then continued with Lily out of the room.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

*"But it's never enough*

*So many things to tell each other*

*And kiss, understand one another, hold one another*

*But it's never enough*

*And it's late, but so what?*

*Where are you hurrying to at this hour?*

*What are you doing this evening?*

*We'll laugh about it"*

*~Sarah Brightman*

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I brought you this," Harry said as he entered their room. His wife, his dying wife
lying on their bed. Really dying, even if he still couldn't believe it.

"What is that?"

"Photograph album," Harry answered quickly, still unsure why he had that thing between
his hands.

"Harry!" Hermione cried. Harry forgot the album, and ran to their bed, lying over her,
franticly holding her to him.

"Hermione I can't let you go!" he cried. "I can't live without you! I
don't know how to live without you!"

"Harry, please!"

"Please what, Hermione?" he cried. "Can't you see? Don't you see?"
he asked, knowing she'll be taken back twenty seven years in the past. "Don't you see
I cannot breathe without you? I don't live without you! Don't you see?" Harry felt
incapable to speak as he, too, felt back twenty seven years ago. "Don't you see how much I
love you?"

Hermione now cried deliberately, helplessly, in a way Harry had seen her cry very little. He
moved to hold her from her waist and pressing his forehead against hers as their tears rolled down
their cheeks. She took his face with her hands as her tears mixed with hers, only to increase the
feeling he had of not wanting to let her go.

"I'd do anything, Hermione!" he cried. "I'd do anything!"

"Harry!" she cried. She seemed incapable of saying anything else. She cried big tears
that Harry could taste as they got mixed with his, but that only made him cry more. Made him feel
more the weight of loneliness that was coming closer to him with each minute.

"I need you!" he told her, almost yelled to her. He got up from the bed in a quick
movement. He started to pace the room, and felt Hermione as she managed the strength to bring
herself to a sitting position. "I can't face the fact that I won't have you with me
anymore... I'd give anything to have you, but nothing I can give will keep you with
me!"

"But Harry..." she managed to say. "I'll be with you, I won't-"

"No you will not!" he yelled. "Don't you see? I'll have to sleep alone in
that bed! I won't feel your hands or have your kisses, or hug your waist at night... Don't
you see? I won't even see you again!"

Harry turned to look at her, she held his gaze for a moment, then cried, hiding her face in her
hands. He knew that was going to happen, he had just exposed a terrible true. A terrible true that
they had both been trying to avoid for too long.

"I need your love, what am I going to do?" he said quietly. "I won't... I
won't ever love anyone... I'll never-"

"Harry never is a long time!" she said, stopping the frantic flow of her tears to
state something he dreaded she would try to say.

"Don't Hermione, stop right there!" he said firmly. "Don't go all wise on
me right now. Don't go trying to ask me to move on, to find someone else..." he hesitated
as he felt the pressure of tears again. "Because I won't!" he stopped in search for
the words he needed to convey. "I... everything I know about living, about loving, I know it
because of you!" She had tears rolling down her cheeks, but Harry faced her, connecting his
gaze to hers to keep her looking at him. "My life... My life didn't change the day I met
you." Harry stopped as tears rolled down his cheeks. "My life," he walked again to
their bed, his yelling subsiding. "My life started the day I met you!"

Harry sat at the edge of their bed and gathered his wife in his arms, feeling as the world ended
in their embrace. Feeling how it changed into a horrifying new world he didn't know, and even
worse, didn't want to know.

"Harry," Hermione spoke somewhere on his shoulder. "Your life didn't started
because you met me!"

"Oh, but it did!" Harry said, disentangling from their hug and taking her by her
shoulders. "Why would a little boy go after a little girl, to save her from a mountain troll,
even if they're not friends?"

Hermione bit her lip and looked into his eyes.

"Why did you do it?" she whispered.

Harry connected his eyes to hers and sighed.

"I don't know," he said. "And sometimes I wish I could say it was because I
secretly loved you, or because I felt guilty Ron had hurt you... but I can't!" He pressed
his forehead against hers again. "I don't know why I did it, something greater than myself
made me think I had to do it, and I did it! I didn't have a reason back then, but I'm
really glad I did it, and I'd do it again if I could!"

"I know you would!" she whispered, caressing his temple. "But... some things are
meant to happen!"

"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Harry said frustrated. "We were supposed to
grow old together!"

"We wanted to grow old together!" she whispered. "But what you really promised me
was to love me, until... until death will do us apart, and you haven't failed me
once!"

"But-"

"No Harry!" she interrupted him in a whisper. "You've loved me in a way I
can't even explain, you gave me our three beautiful children, and you've been the best
father in the universe... I've had everything I've wanted. I couldn't possibly ask for
more!" she brushed her nose against Harry's and closed her eyes. "You've
fulfilled that promise twenty two years!"

"Hermione-"

"Harry!" she interrupted him again. "Everything I could have asked from you,
you've given it to me! I couldn't possibly ask for more!"

"But you are!" he said. "You're asking me to be strong without you.
You're asking me to hold back the pain of losing you. You ask me to live life without you...
That is something I know I cannot do!"

"Harry!" Hermione whispered. "My love will always be with you. Our love will not
leave you. Our children are going to remind you, every day, how much I've loved you. How much I
will love you."

"But you, you, my Hermione, I won't have you." He said. "What kind of life
can I have without the promise of seeing your face? Knowing that I will never kiss you again, never
see you again?"

"But Harry," she whispered. "We will meet again! We will see each other again...
someday, I know we will!"

"How can you be sure we will?"

"I believe it is real, and sometimes, when you think something is real, it becomes
real!"

"My realness is that I won't have you with me when I wake up in the morning. That I
won't see you last thing before falling asleep."

"Harry, there's still too much you're going to do!" she said, more tears
rolling down her face. "You'll see our Ally go to Hogwarts, you'll see Lily and James
when they marry, you'll see our grandchildren, you'll be merciless to Ally's
boyfriends, and see Lily dance countless times. You'll go with James when he goes book signing.
You... you'll be living for both of us, even if you can't see me; I'll know it,
I'll be living in your memory, in the memory you will keep of our love. In our children's
everyday... I'll be living, and if you believe it's real, then it will be!"

Silence fell. Silence, only broken by their breathing and their tears. Silence, the kind of
heavy silence that hurts inside the very soul. That hurt inside Harry's very soul.

That hurt Hermione's soul just as much. Or perhaps even more, for she was the first to break
through it.

"I love you, Harry!" she whispered. "I love you, with a strength and a passion
that's greater than myself. I love you, with a force I cannot measure, with everything I am and
everything I have.... I love you!"

Harry kissed her temple, tears rolling down his cheeks as he did so.

"I love you too, my Hermione. I love you, with all the hope and the faith of a heart that,
before you, had no idea what love was. I love you, like... like my blood melts if you look at me...
Like my breath is taken away from me if you touch me... can you remember how?"

"I do, Harry!" she kissed his cheek, breathing with difficulty.

"And I'll miss you, I'll need you with an urgency that will pain my very heart. I
will need you... I won't have my life without you, Hermione. My life started the day I met you,
and from tomorrow on, I'll live this life for our children, for what will be left of me. But my
heart, my soul, the essence of my life... you take it with you!"

"Shh... Don't think about that now, Harry!" she whispered. "I'm sure,
that one day, when the wind will blow and the birds will sing, we will meet again! Please Harry,
believe it, so it'll be true!"

"I will," Harry said, his voice drowning in his throat as he cried. "I will
believe it, so I can go through my every day, and be strong for our children, and be able to help
Lily and be a companion to James and raise Ally. I promise you, my Hermione."

"Promise me you'll live to protect them, Harry." Hermione was crying. Promise me
that you will search life in every one of them, so that you will be with them. Promise me you will
not go searching death. Promise me, promise me Harry, that you will love them on my behalf, promise
me you will talk about me, promise me, Harry!"

"I promise you, my Hermione," he cried. "Tell me what your sweet heart desires,
tell me how you want it to be, and I'll do it. If it's love you want... I'll do
anything, my Hermione. Anything, I'll do it, I promise!"

"Then kiss me Harry!" she whispered, her voice drowned. "Kiss away my fear, kiss
away your loneliness. Kiss me, so that you remember that the last thing I asked from you, was your
love... and your kiss!"

*------------------------------------------------------------------------*



5. When You're Gone
-------------------

EverythingÕs really already said. Hope youÕve enjoyed it. LOL!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"I wish I could just make you turn around*

*Turn around and see me cry!*

*There's so much I need to say to you*

*So many reasons why*

*You're the only one*

*Who really knew me at all*

*So take a look at me know*

*There's just an empty space*

*Take a good look at me now*

*'Cause I'll still be standing here"*

*~Phil Collins*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~ December, 2024. London.

His kiss was refreshing in the sunlight. It wasn't precisely passionate, crazily, hungry
kind of a kiss. It was a tender embrace, through which he gave her the small bit of courage she was
still needing. Her right hand, closed around the flowers he gave her, was pushing his back closer
to her. His hands were joined at the back of her waist, keeping her in place. Still, it was a only
comforting kiss, even if his tongue danced crazily in search of hers, and if her frantic left hand
kept holding his neck, pressing his head against her.

Lily slowly pulled apart, keeping both her hands where they were, and patiently opening her
eyes. The bright orange autumn sunlight blinded her. She moved her head slightly to keep it in the
shadow of Alex's. She smiled at him, moving her left hand to caress his temple, the beauty of
her ring sparkling in the sunlight.

"Ready?" he asked her in a whisper. Lily nodded and he kissed her cheek before letting
go of her. "I'll wait for you."

Lily nodded, turned her back on him and started walking. She reached her destiny and took a deep
breath, as she looked down at it, her heart racing.

"Hey!" she said as she sat on the little bench that was sitting in front of the grave,
her mother's picture facing her. "I wanted to drop by..." she choked the tears in her
throat back, swallowing hard. "I... a few things have happened, and I wanted to come and tell
you..."

Lily felt the pressure of her tears both in her eyes and her throat and she let out a sigh and
felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. She gasped before she could speak.

"Alex proposed to me yesterday..." she said, trying to wipe her tears away from her
cheeks. "He brought me here... I wanted to tell you first, so he came with me. No one... no
one knows at home," she cried, and when she spoke, her voice was higher. "He... he gave
me a beautiful ring! I really wish you could see it!" she cried, her face hiding in her hands.
"I wanted to tell you first... I... I'm going to miss you so much! I'll want to go
shopping with you, and choose my wedding dress with you... and I'll need to fight with you over
rings and flowers and food... And when I take dad's arm and walk down that aisle... I'll
look to my left and wish so badly to have you there!"

Lily stopped speaking and cried into her hands, shaking her head slowly. She tried to breathe,
but she couldn't help but crying. She tried to wipe away her tears but more came. She
gasped.

"I... we're playing the Nutcracker this Christmas... I...Ally's going to be there,
she'll be a mouse!" she gasped again. "I wish you could see her, the other day... she
asked me..." Lily shed more tears to the memory of Ally's question. "She asked me if
I thought you'd like her costume... Mum I... I was speechless, I couldn't talk,
couldn't breathe!" she wiped her tears again. "I... I'll be playing the Sugar
Plum Fairy, it's quite a part, I'm having some issues with the fouettŽs... but I...
I'll go out into stage and I'm going to wish so badly to have you there!"

She tried to wipe again the tears from her cheeks and breathed. She tried changing the
subject.

"Dad... he has nightmares, I know he does, he won't tell me about it, but I know he
does... Ally's had quite a few as well, she wakes up in the night calling out for you, and when
I go and see her, she cries in my shoulder for you... James... he misses you so badly! He keeps
walking around with this permanent look in his eyes which says I wish mum was here..." Lily
shook her head. "Dad... He... I think he doesn't know how to live without you! He breathes
and eats and sleeps and walks like he doesn't know why he does it... He... he won't tell
me, but I know he's waiting his time since you left... he waits to meet you again... Dad... oh
Mum, everything dad knew about love... he loves us, I don't ever doubt it, but... everything he
knew about love was about you... Everything he knows about happiness, even the three of us...
it's like every happy little thing in his life is about you... how can he live without you like
he did when he had you? He can't, he's working hard, I know, because of us... But's
hard, for all for us it is."

Lily wiped her tears again, she felt calmer now she had talked mostly everything.

"Alex has fulfilled his promise... he hasn't ever failed you... he..." She smiled
and shook her head. "You should see how dad keeps looking at us... like he can't believe
it!" she sighed. "He probably can't... You... I brought you flowers... Alex chose
them for you! I... I'm happy you knew about us, I'm really glad... I... he's going to
take care of me! He... he's going to be my knight in shining armour when I feel the world on my
shoulders... I know he will, he is already, he's been with me when I've been having too
much..." Lily tucked a bit of hair behind her ear. "I cut my hair, not much, but still...
You know... I'll really miss you when I marry Alex, I will... but... when we marry, when I get
pregnant and we have our children, I'll come and visit you here, and, just like today,
you'll be first to know!"

Lily wiped her eyes for the last time and got up, she took the flowers and placed them over the
stone grave, on top of her mother's name.

"I'm leaving now, I'm... we're meeting Dad and James and Ally and Draco and
Ginny and Gina for lunch... they all think we asked them separately, but we didn't!" she
tucked her hair again behind her ear. "We're telling them the news, but I had to tell you
first... I love you mum, and I miss you... dreadfully!" she kissed her fingers and pressed
them against the cold stone, that not even the early December sun could warm. Still, she placed her
kiss there, in an attempt to warm it herself. She was almost walking away when she turned
around.

"Oh," she said. "We're marrying on September the 19... we... we wanted it...
we'll feel like you're there... and I know you will!" she sighed and put on her
sunglasses. "I'm sure you will!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*"So this is who I am*

*And this is all I know*

*But you are my only*

*We don't say goodbye*

*We don't say goodbye*

*And I know when I've got to be*

*Immortality*

*I make my journey through eternity*

*I keep a memory of you and me*

*Inside"*

*~Celine Dion and the Bee Gees*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Why in the world are you not getting ready?"

James was sitting in his desk. His desk faced the window, and his back was to the door, where
Lily was franticly hurrying him.

"I'm trying to write!"

Lily took a deep breath and walked until she was sitting in her brother's bed.

"Sweetheart," she said slowly. "I don't mean to disappoint you, but, I
believe you're suffering from a writer's block!"

"How, possibly?" he asked, turning to look at her. "I'm supposed to be
writing about our mum, and have a writer's block!"

Lily shrugged. "Sometimes, the things we know the most about, are the ones that turn out to
be the most difficult,"

"I guess, you have a point. Hey!" he said, raising a hand as Lily opened her mouth.
"Don't say you always have a point!"

"Fine!" she smiled. "But I always do!"

"Lily!"

"Sorry, couldn't help it!"

"So..." James said, turning his chair to face his sister. "You're really
marrying?"

"Yeah," Lily nodded. "I guess so,"

"What do you mean, I guess so?" James asked, a huge grin on his face.

"Don't be stupid!" Lily grinned. "I mean, yes, I'll marry him,"

"Did he go down on one knee and all?" James asked, his grin even wider.

"Yes he did!" Lily said, grinning in spite of herself. "Why? You're looking
for teaching on how to propose?"

"Oh no!" James said, his grin almost vanishing. "Absolutely not!"

"Lionel, you do realise you ought to start finding a girlfriend you can bring home,"
Lily said, laughing as James raised his eyebrows when she called him Lionel. "Without mum to
assure him he's being paranoid, dad will start to worry about you."

"Of course not!" James said, going back to grinning. "You'll convince him
he's just paranoid."

"Perhaps I'll stop covering your affairs so you're obliged to settle once and for
all,"

"Me? Settle?" he asked. "You must be confusing me for our other twin!"

"Ha, ha, so not funny," Lily answered. "Are you really never settling on
someone?"

"I may, one day," he said, trying to get serious. "Actually, I just met this
girl,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's one of my new publishers, she's quite nice and pretty... I may ask her
out one of these days, and if she turns out to be nice enough-"

Lily interrupted James by throwing him a pillow.

"You have no remedy!"

"Of course I don't" he said. "I'm a twin with you!"

"You know what?" Lily said as she threw him another pillow. "Why don't you go
and get ready so that we can all go out and dinner like a normal family with the Malfoys?"

"Because I'm not going!"

"What do you mean Lionel, that you're not going?"

"I meant I'm not, and don't call me that!"

"Why in the world not?"

"Because I'm going to stay in this very desk and write until I drop death, or at least
until I manage something that's decent enough!"

"Don't be ludicrous!" Lily said. "You have a writer's block, live with
it!"

"I haven't ever had such a thing, and I won't start right now!"

"There's always a first, and this is yours," Lily said, getting up from the bed.
"Now go and get ready before I have to hex you to Sidney and back!"

"Like you-"

"I'm so going to have to hex you!"

"Like you won't pity me if I'm hexed to Sidney and back," James said as he
passed Lily and kissed her cheek. He went to the bathroom door at her back and closed the door.

Lily shook her head, letting out a huge breath. She tied her hair up in a ponytail and walked up
to her brother's desk.

She took a deep breath, grabbing James's Eagle feather quill and wetting the point in ink.
She stared at the blank parchment that James had been unsuccessfully trying to fill, and took
another deep breath before she'd start writing.

*"Many things can be said about my mother. A lot of people doesn't usually say any of
them, they feel more attracted to my father's figure. I don't blame them, most of those
have had my father saving their lives more than once. But there is one thing everyone in the world
ought to know about my mother; she was the phoenix in all of us, my father included. Whenever the
world would decide to burn any of us, she'd take a look at our ashes and would start building
the figure of any of us again. Allowing us to rise from the ashes. My mother, she was brilliant,
and not because of her cleverness, but because she knew there were more important things than books
and cleverness; friendship, bravery, and love. And my mother, she loved my father, until her last
minute. And as for my brother, my sister and me, she loved all of us, with a patience and a
strength I could feel any time she'd hug me. And she knew how to show her love for us; from
mending Ally's knees when she'd fall from her broom, to allowing me to dance just because I
felt I wanted to dance. From packing my dad's lunch to buying James's quills. My mother did
not do an action that wasn't about love. Love for us, for anothers, for herself. My sister,
Ally, she's only six years old, and she wouldn't remember my mother. My brother James is
writing this book about her, because we promised her that Ally was never going to forget her, but
right now, before James has written a word, I know Ally will never forget my mother. Simply because
she will be in everything that Ally will be. My mother, she was everything a woman is supposed to
be. And sometimes, I'd like people to know she isn't just my father's beloved. To all
of us, from our father to my sister Ally, Hermione Granger wasn't just a wife or a mother, she
was the woman in our lifes... the woman everyone wants to be able to become, the one that, I know,
my sister and I are hoping to become.*

*One thing, I know it for sure. My mother knew what her mission in this world was. It
wasn't being our mother or marrying my father, it wasn't saving him from death all the
times she did or helping him defeat Voldemort. My mother's mission wasn't teaching Ally and
me how to be a woman, it was teaching the whole world how to be a woman. And this, I didn't
understand it until the day she died, but she accomplished it. The day I realised who she really
was."*

"She was a woman to love," said Harry at her back. She was slightly startled to hear
him, but recovered fast. She turned to look at him, and holding his gaze for a moment, she smiled
before turning back to the parchment.

*"She was a woman to love."*

**Author Notes:** Thanks for reading so far. Review is appreciated, but no Mary Sue on Lily
please ;) !!! LOL!



